Newspaper Spider-Man: ARRGH! She said the N-WORD!

The Something Awful Forums > The Finer Arts > BSS: Bisexual Super Son > Newspaper Spider-Man: ARRGH! She said the N-WORD!

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Jerusalem: May 20, 2004; Would you be my new best friends?

Knormal posted:

"...and in conclusion, Iron Fist is definitely not Danny Rand. Thank you for reading my article. Love Peter."

Robbie: Great job Peter, we're going to put you on the medical plan. Now you and your immediate relatives can enjoy robust healthcare, leaving them fit and healthy to pursue whatever they love."
Peter: I quit!

# ? Jul 10, 2018 09:09

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# ? May 29, 2024 15:18

Murdstone: Jun 14, 2005; I'm feeling Jimmy

Daily Bugle posted:

IRONFIST
by Peter Parker

A masked man brought another man to a hospital last night. The other man was an FBI agent. The masked man had saved him from an attack by some other other men. These other men were bad men, according to sources. The masked man did not attack the agent and then bring him to the hospital, as initially suspected by some sources.

The masked man is called IronFist, because he has a fist that is really hard (reports say it also glows and cuts up webs somehow so those are useless against it so don't even try that). Anonymous sources say you should not punch him in the fist if you are punching him, which you shouldn't be because he was not one of the bad men who attacked the FBI agent. You might think at first he is a bad man and then you will start to fight him, and perhaps he will think the same thing about you and will start to fight you, but eventually you both will realize you are both not bad men and stop fighting, according to sources. But if you punch him really hard directly in the fist it will really hurt your hand a lot is the point sources are making.

That case of mistaken identity thing described above is exactly what happened between IronFist and Spider-Man! They fought for a minute, but then realized they were both on the same side--the good one. They then saved the FBI agent from another attack by some other bad people (this time one was a woman), who then disappeared somehow and so did we, sources revealed.

After that, they considered teaming up, but then IronFist revealed his identity (he was NOT Danny Rand of the Wall Street Journal) to Spider-Man and said to team up Spider-Man had to reveal his, sources say.

As of this printing, Spider-Man refused to reveal himself because I had to protect my secret identity, according to sources I talked to as a reporter to get these facts.

# ? Jul 10, 2018 19:21

davidspackage: May 16, 2007; Nap Ghost

Johnny Walker posted:

Pulitzer

I want to see Peter write for the Bugle more often.

# ? Jul 10, 2018 19:29

goatface: Dec 5, 2007; I had a video of that when I was about 6.

I remember it being shit.; Grimey Drawer

I'm surprised he didn't accidentally claim it was Spider-man.

# ? Jul 10, 2018 20:16

Saoshyant: Oct 26, 2010

Johnny Walker posted:

all the fives

# ? Jul 10, 2018 23:13

Saoshyant: Oct 26, 2010

oops

# ? Jul 10, 2018 23:13

Synthbuttrange: May 6, 2007

DID SOMEONE SAY CLOWN NINE oh wait he said cloud

# ? Jul 11, 2018 01:05

Samuringa: Mar 27, 2017; Best advice I was ever given?

"Ticker, you'll be a lot happier once you stop caring about the opinions of a culture that is beneath you."

I learned my worth, learned the places and people that matter.

Opened my eyes.

I'm impressed that Peter managed to keep the fact that he is Spider-Man in his thoughts instead of having a spoken monologue in the middle of the street

# ? Jul 11, 2018 01:15

Elfface: Nov 14, 2010; Da-na-na-na-na-na-na
IRON JONAH

Samuringa posted:

I'm impressed that Peter managed to keep the fact that he is Spider-Man in his thoughts instead of having a spoken monologue in the middle of the street

Clearly you're the victim of another troll-edit.

# ? Jul 11, 2018 01:24

Proteus Jones: Feb 28, 2013

Synthbuttrange posted:

DID SOMEONE SAY CLOWN NINE oh wait he said cloud

I can understand your angst, Peter. Because a man in a mask with a glowing fist who does Kung Fu in public typically flies under the radar on any normal day.

# ? Jul 11, 2018 01:25

Lobok: Jul 13, 2006; Say Watt?

Escobarbarian posted:

Great headline, Pete.

Reporters don't do headlines. That one was a Robbie original.

# ? Jul 11, 2018 01:33

Otherkinsey Scale: Jul 17, 2012; Just a little bit of sunshine!

Even in his private monologue Peter's making GBS threads on Danny. :allears:

# ? Jul 11, 2018 02:27

Manatee Cannon: Aug 26, 2010

Proteus Jones posted:

I can understand your angst, Peter. Because a man in a mask with a glowing fist who does Kung Fu in public typically flies under the radar on any normal day.

one that literally appeared on tv that same day

# ? Jul 11, 2018 03:03

nimby: Nov 4, 2009; The pinnacle of cloud computing.

Is Peter now going to sabotage his own paper?

# ? Jul 11, 2018 03:34

Escobarbarian: Jun 18, 2004; Grimey Drawer

I thought that giant MYSELF had to be another edit but I obviously overestimated this comic strip

# ? Jul 11, 2018 05:26

The Question IRL: Jun 8, 2013; Only two contestants left! Here is Doom's chance for revenge...

Synthbuttrange posted:

DID SOMEONE SAY CLOWN NINE oh wait he said cloud

This so called �Ironfist.�
Peter, you just met the guy. His existence isn�t a mystery or a legend.

# ? Jul 11, 2018 10:08

Synthbuttrange: May 6, 2007

First photo! *ignores the footage on tv*

# ? Jul 11, 2018 10:11

Jerusalem: May 20, 2004; Would you be my new best friends?

He better punch Iron Fist's punch a second time, just to make sure!

# ? Jul 11, 2018 11:29

gleebster: Dec 16, 2006; Only a howler; Pillbug

Maybe he's not really Iron Fist. Maybe he's really Lead Foot or Copper Bottom in a cunning disguise.

# ? Jul 11, 2018 22:20

Vox Valentine: May 31, 2013; Solving all of life's problems through enhanced casting of Occam's Razor. Reward yourself with an imaginary chalice.

gleebster posted:

Maybe he's not really Iron Fist. Maybe he's really Lead Foot or Copper Bottom in a cunning disguise.

Could very well be Brass Balls 'cuz he's nuts to put that beard on his chin.

# ? Jul 11, 2018 23:31

Synthbuttrange: May 6, 2007

The amazing MJ

# ? Jul 12, 2018 04:10

Manatee Cannon: Aug 26, 2010

the perspective on that bed :wow:

# ? Jul 12, 2018 04:18

Synthbuttrange: May 6, 2007

thats not a bed its clearly a speedboat

# ? Jul 12, 2018 04:19

MorningMoon: Dec 29, 2013; He's been tapping into Aunt May's bank account!
Didn't I kill him with a HELICOPTER?

I thought it was a taxi. :stare:

# ? Jul 12, 2018 04:23

brainSnakes: Jul 11, 2011; come back here

Wait Mj is supposed to be in a bed? I thought she was flying an interdimensional helicopter with her eyes closed.

# ? Jul 12, 2018 04:23

Malachite_Dragon: Mar 31, 2010; Weaving Merry Christmas magic

ArmyOfMidgets posted:

I thought it was a taxi.

(I'm sorry)

# ? Jul 12, 2018 04:30

Bruceski: Aug 21, 2007; The tools of a hero mean nothing without a solid core.

ArmyOfMidgets posted:

I thought it was a taxi.

Same.

# ? Jul 12, 2018 04:44

Cabbit: Jul 19, 2001; _{Is that everything you have?}

Synthbuttrange posted:

The amazing MJ

Pete. He was on the TV news. You didn't expose poo poo, and she knows it.

# ? Jul 12, 2018 09:00

Tunicate: May 15, 2012

Just found out newspaper spidey is authentic to issue 1

https://twitter.com/ryanqnorth/status/1017358625478758400

# ? Jul 12, 2018 17:25

nimby: Nov 4, 2009; The pinnacle of cloud computing.

He's just telling it to the Lou Ferrigno Hulk, it's cool.

# ? Jul 12, 2018 18:41

The MSJ: May 17, 2010

I want a story where Bruce Banner knows the secret identity of all his Avengers friends, and then he shouts them out loud in public as The Hulk.

# ? Jul 12, 2018 23:25

Synthbuttrange: May 6, 2007

# ? Jul 13, 2018 01:35

gimme the GOD DAMN candy: Jul 1, 2007

it turns out that iron fist is danny rand. it's not really a secret because he has unmasked on camera many, many times.

# ? Jul 13, 2018 01:43

ecavalli: Nov 18, 2012

I'm calling it now: Peter's guilt will drive him to buy an Iron Fist mask and unmask himself as Iron Fist on TV as a mea culpa.

# ? Jul 13, 2018 01:46

Otherkinsey Scale: Jul 17, 2012; Just a little bit of sunshine!

ecavalli posted:

I'm calling it now: Peter's guilt will drive him to buy an Iron Fist mask and unmask himself as Iron Fist on TV as a mea culpa.

Nah, he'll just apologize:

"I'm sorry I alerted the world to your existence."

"I'm the CEO of a major--

" I know nothing you've done has ever garnered even a moment's attention, and that you had no reason to believe that would ever change."

"I was already on TV--"

"But thanks entirely to our chance encounter, through no fault of your own, you have been dragged briefly from your hopeless obscurity."

"Why is this happening."

# ? Jul 13, 2018 02:02

nimby: Nov 4, 2009; The pinnacle of cloud computing.

ecavalli posted:

I'm calling it now: Peter's guilt will drive him to buy an Iron Fist mask and unmask himself as Iron Fist on TV as a mea culpa.

He'll make a deal with the devil to turn back time.

# ? Jul 13, 2018 03:29

David D. Davidson: Nov 17, 2012; Orca lady?

Synthbuttrange posted:

"Mutant Junkie Lizards Rampage Through Miami. Source traced back to "Gamma Meth" created by Infamous Scientists Kurt Conner and Bruce Banner."

# ? Jul 13, 2018 04:10

nimby: Nov 4, 2009; The pinnacle of cloud computing.

David D. Davidson posted:

"Mutant Junkie Lizards Rampage Through Miami. Source traced back to "Gamma Meth" created by Infamous Scientists Kurt Conner and Bruce Banner."

Bruce, wearing sunglasses and a hat:
"Come on, Conner. Let's cook."

# ? Jul 13, 2018 05:49

Jerusalem: May 20, 2004; Would you be my new best friends?

"I can't possibly sleep MJ" immediately falls asleep.

Holy poo poo he really does have the brain of a toddler.

# ? Jul 13, 2018 09:49

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# ? May 29, 2024 15:18

ecavalli: Nov 18, 2012

nimby posted:

He'll make a deal with the devil to turn back time.

The build up to that would take no less than 17 real-time years. God, I hope that's where it goes. :allears:

# ? Jul 13, 2018 18:21

The Something Awful Forums > The Finer Arts > BSS: Bisexual Super Son > Newspaper Spider-Man: ARRGH! She said the N-WORD!

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