Anonymous Confessions: I had an extremely weird dream that's going to become relevant

The Something Awful Forums > Main > General Bullshit > Anonymous Confessions: I had an extremely weird dream that's going to become relevant

«‹›572 »

Danaru: Jun 5, 2012; 何 ??

Cucked by my own atman

# ? Jul 10, 2018 04:30

Adbot: ADBOT LOVES YOU

# ? May 24, 2024 17:03

Chef Boyardeez Nuts: Sep 9, 2011; The more you kick against the pricks, the more you suffer.

I wanna know what country the philanderer lives in cause I just felt someone walk on my grave.
I almost married a batshit Korean girl whose dad was a high muckity-muck at Daewoo and I was like "self, just loving do it and never worry about money again." Then she slapped me while she was drunk and angry and I severed so hard I left the hemisphere.

# ? Jul 10, 2018 06:37

sticksy: May 26, 2004; Nap Ghost

That�s a helluva :sever:

# ? Jul 10, 2018 07:23

Solice Kirsk: Jun 1, 2004; .

Ha! You severed because a drunk girl smacked you? Still could have gotten married and made out like a bandit in the divorce. You done goofed.

# ? Jul 10, 2018 13:26

kalel: Jun 19, 2012

daewoo went bankrupt in 08 so I think you made the right call op

# ? Jul 10, 2018 15:10

DandyLion: Jun 24, 2010; disrespectul Deciever

SciFiDownBeat posted:

daewoo went bankrupt in 08 so I think you made the right call op

They went brankrupt because the next dude was a lot smarter and actually executed on the plan!

# ? Jul 10, 2018 15:47

loquacius: Oct 21, 2008

Time traveler actually did send a followup (original???) a few days ago, just posting it now sorry

quote:

This is the time traveller, Loq I hope I got my pass phrase correct (loqnote: yup), details of my original time line are fading from my memory each day. I had mostly forgotten about my confession until I saw it mentioned in the thread.

I had planned to attack my "future" self and leap through the time portal to find my way home. However as I began watching "him" I realised that he was doing things that I had not done (going to a Kaiser Chiefs concert, has a different best friend). Combined with the fact that Henry Kissenger did not die as I remember, I have concluded that I am trapped in an alternative time line now.

Still, it's not all bad, our worlds are very similar, almost exact copies up until May 2018 (in my America we use the superior Celsius temperature scale).

Anyway, watched myself go about my daily business for two or so weeks, waiting for the "event" but it never came. It's been hard to watch myself with my girlfriend, I started to get extremely jealous.

Not of him, of her.

I find myself ridiculously attractive, I know I've always been good looking, but it's different seeing yourself as another person. I've been spying on myself at the gym and masturbated watching me have sex with my girlfriend.

I'm trying to think how to broach the subject, I think I can be happy with myself because if I've got these feelings, he will have as well right? I just think the initial shock of "I'm you from the future" might be too much. I'm going to impersonate myself and be cruel to my girlfriend so she leaves me, allowing me and my self to be together.

Wish me luck goons

Now these are hijinks :munch:

quote:

My confession is that I've been hiding a serious personality disorder for years.

When I was 9 I was diagnosed with Asperger's and sent to a special school. It was pretty lovely and I often would act out and hit kids/teachers because they were all mean and idiots.

Anyways, it always got chalked up as me being "overstimulated" etc, and I eventually mainstreamed back to normal school in 9th grade.

Only, there'd been no women or normal kids so I was basically a 4th grader who's gone through puberty, rocking that new hairy dick energy and no clue how to use it.

Since then I've bounced around a lot, often making friends and having them fall away... community college, real college, grad school, a couple jobs... each time I get "better" at passing and being normal but I've hit a bit of a wall lately. I can't keep context switching, if I mess up again the reputation will follow me, which is stressful.

Anyways, I didn't even realize I had issues since I don't like, enjoy hurting people. I just hate people who wrong me and will get revenge on them. But I guess there's quirks. One of the threads I lurk has a bunch of cool stories about serial killers and stuff and one of the posters got yelled at for admitting to watching snuff films. I always assumed watching gore/snuff is something guys do like jerking off to porn or keeping an eye peeled for tits when walking past windows at night... but I'm also smart enough to know that when people say in public something is bad, you don't admit to it - it's not polite to admit to things that make people uncomfortable.

I've gone to therapists and none has caught on... I asked one if I might be NPD or ASPD but they were like "the fact you asked means no". Then again I didn't tell them I have a multireddit of curated gore subs either, or that I had to switch libraries to one where you can pick up your holds without interacting with a human because the librarian was giving me my holds started giving weird looks.

(I was reading a lot about Ted Bundy and other true crime stuff and pretty much nothing else)

Anyways I took a narcissistic personality disorder inventory (https://openpsychometrics.org/tests/NPI/), and while it's highly flawed (you get marked down for saying you're smarter than others, I have a literal genius IQ and have traveled around the world doing... what I do.

I'm rambling a bit, I get migraines and today have that stupid "aura" so killing time like I usually do: hanging around on coffeeshop wifi and trolling redditors.

Thought I'd take a break and send in a fesh... Loq takes forever to post them I've posted before and I hate waiting, ya big dingus!

H.H is still technically the "owner" of the gmail account and Google keeps giving me a hard time when I log in from a "new" device, like for example the same desktop computer as always after I moved to a new town (thanks Google!). I can log in from my work computer but weekends are a little dicier. And yeah I'm sticking to the two-feshes-per-day schedule so I don't run out. That's how the schedule works.

At any rate if you're not actually a literal risk of hurting someone your therapist will not, like, tell the cops about your gore poo poo, and if you think it's relevant to your mental health there's no excuse to not bring it up. I think you should.

# ? Jul 10, 2018 15:57

Android Blues: Nov 22, 2008

Watching snuff films is not even remotely normal, anonymous goon. It is an extreme fringe activity that the vast majority of people would react to with horror and revulsion if they found out.

Just yikes.

# ? Jul 10, 2018 16:02

Android Blues: Nov 22, 2008

I mean, I guess there's a chance that he's right and the majority of the men around me are eagerly loading up some snuff whenever they get some private time. On the premise he suggests, I wouldn't actually know. I'm pretty sure that's not the case though.

# ? Jul 10, 2018 16:03

Danaru: Jun 5, 2012; 何 ??

"I want to gently caress my past self" is literally the most boring turn time travel fesh could have taken. Apply yourself next time, writer

# ? Jul 10, 2018 16:10

text me a vag pic: May 18, 2007

Danaru posted:

"I want to gently caress my past self" is literally the most boring turn time travel fesh could have taken. Apply yourself next time, writer

Dude, come on, I was getting all horned up here. Confessor, keep typing

# ? Jul 10, 2018 16:40

yeah I eat ass: Mar 14, 2005; only people who enjoy my posting can replace this avatar

The second guy sounds like every bored/depressed teenager (or adult stuck in teenager mentality) that wanted to be special in some way - either as a genius, or a feared ~twizted psychopath~ who is also a "genius". Like your therapist said, the fact that you're asking means you aren't. The thought that you might or might not be probably wouldn't enter your mind. Snuff films are gross but if you were honest with yourself I think you'd find that you only watch them and run your reddits to reinforce your false image of yourself as a potential killer.

I would bet anything that if you were faced with a situation where you could kill someone you would piss your pants at the first sight of any blood and run away, like most people who fantasize about such things as an escape from their real life.

# ? Jul 10, 2018 16:45

loquacius: Oct 21, 2008

Android Blues posted:

I mean, I guess there's a chance that he's right and the majority of the men around me are eagerly loading up some snuff whenever they get some private time. On the premise he suggests, I wouldn't actually know. I'm pretty sure that's not the case though.

You're not supposed to talk about watching porn, but everybody knows pretty much every dude watches porn

I think if the exact same were true of snuff films we'd probably know

# ? Jul 10, 2018 17:13

RFC2324: Jun 7, 2012; http 418

Android Blues posted:

Watching snuff films is not even remotely normal, anonymous goon. It is an extreme fringe activity that the vast majority of people would react to with horror and revulsion if they found out.

Just yikes.

I'd actually be fascinated.

By the person watching, I don't even like overly gory hollywood movies.

# ? Jul 10, 2018 18:13

yeah I eat ass: Mar 14, 2005; only people who enjoy my posting can replace this avatar

If it's any consolation I would bet a good 95%+ of the "snuff" films he's watched were fake unless he exclusively watched that poo poo ISIS would put out.

# ? Jul 10, 2018 18:17

RFC2324: Jun 7, 2012; http 418

yeah I eat rear end posted:

If it's any consolation I would bet a good 95%+ of the "snuff" films he's watched were fake unless he exclusively watched that poo poo ISIS would put out.

willing to bet most people who claim to watch snuff films are just watching hardcore bdsm vids.

or yeah, ISIS releases

# ? Jul 10, 2018 20:31

ALFbrot: Apr 17, 2002

there's kind of been a glut of snuff films in the last few years, with dozens of videos of police murdering people, that guy who livestreamed his murder of the reporter and cameraman also doing a live broadcast, kids snapchatting their school shootings, etc

# ? Jul 10, 2018 20:41

SniperWoreConverse: Mar 20, 2010; Gun Saliva

Somebody confess something good that they have to keep secret for reasons

# ? Jul 11, 2018 00:38

Odd: Dec 30, 2006; I think everybody just needs to maybe cool out a little maybe

SniperWoreConverse posted:

Somebody confess something good that they have to keep secret for reasons

I'm batman (michael keaton batman) and one time i killed a fat clown

# ? Jul 11, 2018 01:30

whiter than a Wilco show: Mar 30, 2011; by FactsAreUseless

Jesus loving Christ time travel goon, if you are travelling back in time between posts you aren't trying to remember your pass code on the second email because for you it's the first. You absolute loving moron.

# ? Jul 11, 2018 10:42

Ghost Leviathan: Mar 2, 2017; Exploration is ill-advised.

Odd posted:

I'm batman (michael keaton batman) and one time i killed a fat clown

You killed captain clown!?

# ? Jul 11, 2018 10:44

Kosmo Gallion: Sep 13, 2013

whiter than a Wilco show posted:

Jesus loving Christ time travel goon, if you are travelling back in time between posts you aren't trying to remember your pass code on the second email because for you it's the first. You absolute loving moron.

He is the time traveller from the first confession. The self he's watching in this second confession should have been the one to send in the first confession which would have arrived in this thread as the second confession. If I recall my Time Cop correctly, we won't ever receive that first confession because he's conveniently in an alternative universe now.

# ? Jul 11, 2018 17:05

loquacius: Oct 21, 2008

quote:

I have a man period. do they have tampons for buttholes? this isn't a confession as much as it is seeking medical advice. My butthole bleeds a lot, has since I was 9, aI think it's the flaring 'roids now. I swear it bleeds the same time every month.

You may be a character from a weird fetish fanfiction story written by a fujoshi

Either way seek medical attention

quote:

My wife and I have been married for 11 years. We're generally pretty happy. We also have two kids a three year old and an 8 month old. My wife is on mat leave at the moment, with the 3yo in daycare 3 days a week, and I work a 4 day week (whole family is at home on Wednesdays, my wife has both kids at home on Tuesdays). I drop off our older child at daycare on the days she goes so that my wife doesn't have to (even though it means I'm often 10-20 minutes late for work if traffic is bad). My wife just needs to pick her up and get the kids fed before I get home from work around 6pm.

My confession is that my wife just can't handle it, and I don't know what to do about it. I don't expect her to do chores or do cooking or anything except watch the kids (I do 90% of the cooking at home, and cook in advance so that meals are ready for the kids on the days I work). I also tell my wife to just leave the dishes and I clean them up after dinner is finished.

Now, I know it can be stressful looking after the kids, as my I looked after both of them for 2 weeks earlier this year when my wife had an operation. There are times when I was really tired and stressed out, but it was never overwhelming.

My wife however, has recently been complaining daily about the kids. She calls me multiple times a day at work to complain. She'll tell me that she shouts at the kids at times (especially our older child). All this was bad enough, but then yesterday she told me she smacked our older child (just on the leg, and not hard, but still). When she told me about it, I was very torn with being either supportive of her and being happy that she was open and honest with me, and the fact that I was really upset she hit our child.

I've talked to her about getting therapy before, and she did try a few therapists, but she didn't like them and stopped after a few sessions. I think she is suffering from depression which is making things worse, but I'm really not sure what to do to get her the help she needs.

The kick is she's supposed to be going back to work later this year after her maternity runs out, but she's also said she doesn't want to go back to work and that she'd like to defer her return to work. Originally, we had talked about me taking 6 months leave from work when she goes back to look after the kids until our youngest is a bit older before putting her in daycare as well.

All this (from a selfish standpoint) is making me less happy in our relationship. We haven't had sex since a a couple months before our 2nd child was born (so that's 10 months now), and I'm getting very little joy from the relationship with my wife. I absolutely adore my kids though and am starting to get more worried about them being at home with my wife.

Really, I'm just hoping that things get better once the younger child gets a bit older and independent, and my wife goes back to work.

Your wife is in fact probably depressed; this manifests as having trouble with stress a lot of the time. She should absolutely get back into therapy, maybe explore pharmaceutical solutions. Remind her that she is objectively not feeling good and she will never feel better unless she does something about it. I don't know how tight money is, but maybe consider getting a nanny a couple times a week to give her a little break? That's a short-term fix of course, she needs to get her mental poo poo straightened out.

# ? Jul 11, 2018 17:19

Cowman: Feb 14, 2006; Beware the Cow

make sure it's an ugly old nanny or a manny because otherwise wife might think you're having an affair with her

# ? Jul 11, 2018 17:25

RFC2324: Jun 7, 2012; http 418

or just have the affair.

especially if you get a manny

# ? Jul 11, 2018 17:30

ALFbrot: Apr 17, 2002

RFC2324 posted:

or just have the affair.

especially if you get a manny

ESPECIALLY if it's an ugly old nanny

# ? Jul 11, 2018 17:37

HerStuddMuffin: Aug 10, 2014; YOSPOS

rear end bleeding guy, it is likely hemorrhoids, because colon cancer would have killed you by now. Still, wouldn�t hurt to see a professional.

# ? Jul 11, 2018 20:30

Bust Rodd: Oct 21, 2008; by VideoGames

Shout out rear end bleeding goon, I had similar dietary issues for years and years, assuming it was normal until the actual volume became alarming.

It was a mix of dietary issues and genetic abnormalities and was actually 100% treatable, so definitely go get it checked out!

# ? Jul 11, 2018 20:35

Squashing Machine: Jul 5, 2005; I mean boning, the wild mambo, the hunka chunka

Bleeding rear end Murphy

# ? Jul 11, 2018 20:50

Audax: Dec 1, 2005; "LOL U GOT OWNED"

Didn't totalbiscuit bleed from his rear end and keep putting off seeing a doctor? Goon go get help you don't wanna die.

# ? Jul 11, 2018 20:55

sugar free jazz: Mar 5, 2008

Cut off your dick and your rear end bleeding won�t be that big of a problem anymore

# ? Jul 11, 2018 20:57

Squashing Machine: Jul 5, 2005; I mean boning, the wild mambo, the hunka chunka

Mario Kart taught me that when your skidmarks turn red it's time to exit the slide, man

# ? Jul 11, 2018 20:58

Son of Man: Jan 29, 2003; by Azathoth

Squashing Machine posted:

Bleeding rear end Murphy

hahahahaha

seriously though just use regular tampons I'm sure theyll fit. you might need super or ultra for your extra wide reamed out cornhole

# ? Jul 11, 2018 21:11

kalel: Jun 19, 2012

sugar free jazz posted:

Cut off your dick and your rear end bleeding won�t be that big of a problem anymore

Is this your answer to everything? Just cut the dick off?

Well, what about the dick's opinion, huh?? Did you ever once consider how goon's dicks would feel??!?!

# ? Jul 11, 2018 21:17

Indolent Bastard: Oct 26, 2007; I WON THIS AMAZING AVATAR! I'M A WINNER! WOOOOO!

SciFiDownBeat posted:

Is this your answer to everything? Just cut the dick off?

Well, what about the dick's opinion, huh?? Did you ever once consider how goon's dicks would feel??!?!

Sticky and limp?

# ? Jul 11, 2018 21:27