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Sex scenes in literature are just like sex scenes in movies that get shown in theaters: awkward at best and only enjoyed by weirdos. [picture of cucumber with condom on it found on floor of movie theater after 50 Shades showing.jpg]
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May 6, 2018 01:46
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Sham bam bamina! posted:If I recall correctly, John Ringo wrote some pretty decent sex scenes in Ghost. You do not recall correctly. At all. In fact, you recall with the Platonic, quintessential definition of recalling incorrectly.
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May 6, 2018 01:54
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ryonguy posted:Sex scenes in literature are just like sex scenes in movies that get shown in theaters: awkward at best and only enjoyed by weirdos. Never forget that the last 50 Shades movie has the scene where Anastasia finally gets coerced into anal (somehow a running gag from the very beginning) immediately followed up with her drawing a gun from clothes with no noticeable bulge indicating a hidden gun. Actual quote from the book: quote:‘I have a small present for you here,’ Christian whispers. Holy crap. A butt plug
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May 6, 2018 03:41
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Vincent Van Goatse posted:You do not recall correctly. At all. In fact, you recall with the Platonic, quintessential definition of recalling incorrectly. OH NO JOHN RINGO
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May 6, 2018 05:18
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Sex in novels is as well done or as awful as the ability of the author to write it that way. Just like sex scenes in TV or movies. If all you're reading is lovely wise cracking wizard genre fiction and all you're watching is 50 Shades of Grey then of course you're going to think it's impossible to use sex scenes effectively. The way Jim Butcher writes about his main character making a cup of coffee is just as cringe worthy as the way he writes about sex, the subject just makes it a bit more noticeable when he fucks things up.
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May 6, 2018 06:18
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AlbieQuirky posted:OH NO JOHN RINGO
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May 6, 2018 07:59
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Authors pretty much never won't work their horrible fetishes into sci-fi, fantasy and apparently thriller and racist screed novels too.
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May 6, 2018 09:39
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The sex scenes were the least objectionable part of the Turner Diaries, but not because they were good.
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May 6, 2018 09:59
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Ghost Leviathan posted:Authors pretty much never won't work their horrible fetishes into sci-fi, fantasy and apparently thriller and racist screed novels too. Does this mean John Grisham has a fetish for really bland sex?
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May 6, 2018 14:35
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Vincent Van Goatse posted:You do not recall correctly. At all. In fact, you recall with the Platonic, quintessential definition of recalling incorrectly. Yeah, even though it got worse (much worse) in the later books, Ghost still had impressively terrible scenes. On the  side you had the thing where he picks up two random college girls on his yacht for an extended cruise (mind the implication) where he introduced them to BDSM in the most cringy way possible. On the  you had the part where he buys an underage prostitute who had almost certainly been trafficked and threatens her with death while he rapes her.
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May 6, 2018 14:38
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ulex minor posted:Sex in novels is as well done or as awful as the ability of the author to write it that way. Just like sex scenes in TV or movies. If all you're reading is lovely wise cracking wizard genre fiction and all you're watching is 50 Shades of Grey then of course you're going to think it's impossible to use sex scenes effectively. The way Jim Butcher writes about his main character making a cup of coffee is just as cringe worthy as the way he writes about sex, the subject just makes it a bit more noticeable when he fucks things up. Hmm yes explicit sex scenes are a noble and storied part of literature and not weird at all.
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May 6, 2018 16:35
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ryonguy posted:Hmm yes explicit sex scenes are a noble and storied part of literature and not weird at all. Why are you assuming that the noble and storied parts of literature never got weird? Chaucer got real freaky, Joyce needs no introduction, and the poo poo in Ovid’s Metamorphosis would make the most jaded, perverse adultfanfiction denizen’s eyes bug out.
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May 6, 2018 16:49
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ryonguy posted:Hmm yes explicit sex scenes are a noble and storied part of literature and not weird at all. Um...yes? Sex is a powerful motivation for both actual humans and some characters. Literature doesn't exist in a sterile chaste void.
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May 6, 2018 17:05
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13Pandora13 posted:Um...yes? Sex is a powerful motivation for both actual humans and some characters. Literature doesn't exist in a sterile chaste void. And then there's Asimov
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May 6, 2018 17:20
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Winter Stormer posted:And then there's Asimov Well, someone's never read The Gods Themselves.
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May 6, 2018 17:26
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ryonguy posted:Hmm yes explicit sex scenes are a noble and storied part of literature and not weird at all. This Absolon gan wype his mouth ful drye; Derk was the night as pich, or as the cole, And at the window out she putte hir hole, And Absolon, him fil no bet ne wers, But with his mouth he kiste hir naked ers Ful savourly, er he was war of this. Abak he sterte, and thoghte it was amis, For wel he wiste a womman hath no berd; He felte a thing al rough and long y-herd, And seyde, ‘fy! allas! what have I do?’
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May 6, 2018 17:36
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  Apparently these are from a writing guide and are not presented as "what not to do": http://fierceawakening.tumblr.com/post/173655794130/dear-white-male-writers-do-not-do-this
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May 7, 2018 20:56
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The girl gasped a tortured groan from her clamped lungs, her sea blue eyes bulging forth from damp sockets. Cocking her right foot backwards, she leashed it desperately outwards with the strength of a demon possessed, lodging her sandled foot squarely between the shaman's testicles. The startled priest released his crushing grip, crimping his body over at the waist overlooking his recessed belly; wide open in a deep chasim. His face flushed to a rose red shade of crimson, eyelids fluttering wide with eyeballs protruding blindly outwards from their sockets to their outmost perimeters, while his lips quivered wildly about allowing an agonized wallow to gust forth as his breath billowed from burning lungs. His hands reached out clutching his urinary gland as his knees wobbled rapidly about for a few seconds then buckled, causing the ruptured shaman to collapse in an egg huddled mass to the granite pavement, rolling helplessly about in his agony. The pathetic screeches of the shaman groveling in dejected misery upon the hand hewn granite laid pavement, worn smooth by countless hours of arduous sweat and toil, a welter of ichor oozing through his clenched hands, attracted the purturbed attention of his comrades from their foetid ulations. The actions of this this rebellious wench bespoke the creedence of an unheard of sacrilige. Never before in a lost maze of untold eons had a chosen one dared to demonstrate such blasphemy in the face of the cult's idolic diety. The girl cowered in unreasoning terror, helpless in the face of the emblazoned acolytes' rage; her orchid tusseled face smothered betwixt her bulging bosom as she shut her curled lashed tightly hoping to open them and find herself awakening from a morbid nightmare. yet the hand of destiny decreed her no such mercy, the antagonized pack of leering shaman converging tensely upon her prostrate form were entangled all too lividly in the grim web of reality. Shuddering from the clamy touch of the shaman as they grappled with her supple form, hands wrenching at her slender arms and legs in all directions, her bare body being molested in the midst of a labyrnth of orange smudges, purpled satin, and mangled skulls, shadowed in an eerie crimson glow; her confused head reeled then clouded in a mist of enshrouding ebony as she lapsed beneath the protective sheet of unconsiousness to a land peach and resign.
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May 7, 2018 21:09
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chitoryu12 posted:The girl gasped a tortured groan from her clamped lungs, her sea blue eyes bulging forth from damp sockets. Cocking her right foot backwards, she leashed it desperately outwards with the strength of a demon possessed, lodging her sandled foot squarely between the shaman's testicles. I would have recognized this faster if you hadn't carefully selected a passage that doesn't contain the word "orbs."
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May 7, 2018 21:30
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Dienes posted:I would have recognized this faster if you hadn't carefully selected a passage that doesn't contain the word "orbs." That I didn't recognise it sooner makes my crimson fluid of life boil.
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May 7, 2018 23:18
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SerialKilldeer posted:
If I didn't already have an entry for the Lyttle Lytton in this year, "her Amazonian figure sat well on her wafer-thin body" would compel me. Now I really want a Hall of Shame of terrible descriptive sentences that boil down to the author saying "she was really thin but she still had titties," because I don't even know how many of those fuckers I've read, besides "too goddamn many."
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May 7, 2018 23:20
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SerialKilldeer posted:
"Oyster-white teeth"? I assume the author meant mother-of-pearl, but now all I can imagine is some lovecraftian horror with rugged grey teeth covered in barnacles.
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May 8, 2018 13:14
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SerialKilldeer posted:
The first one is at least trying to be a joke.
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May 8, 2018 13:22
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Doctor Spaceman posted:The first one is at least trying to be a joke.
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May 8, 2018 21:04
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I was sorting through some books that had been donated, and found not one but TWO books of 'I'm a teen girl and then aliens invade and I'm a badass but then there's a alien boy and he's just kooky and not genocidal and is handsome and ~love~' - the Twilight effect still lingers, I guess. I would have thought that trying to wipe out humanity would be a dealbreaker, but I guess writers think some ladies are into that.
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May 20, 2018 23:24
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OldMemes posted:I was sorting through some books that had been donated, and found not one but TWO books of 'I'm a teen girl and then aliens invade and I'm a badass but then there's a alien boy and he's just kooky and not genocidal and is handsome and ~love~' - the Twilight effect still lingers, I guess. I would have thought that trying to wipe out humanity would be a dealbreaker, but I guess writers think some ladies are into that. That is a cliche way older than Twilight. Granted that at least sounds better than 200 year olds dating teenagers, and somehow still giving a poo poo about high school drama.
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May 20, 2018 23:29
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The actual author of Twilight wrote one of those stories (The Host) herself. Also, I think it was Earth Girls Are Easy that's described as basically Summer Of My German Soldier but with a Martian.
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May 22, 2018 15:04
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Ghost Leviathan posted:The actual author of Twilight wrote one of those stories (The Host) herself. Also minus the questionable "this loyal German wants to go home and keep fighting, but he's not like a Nazi, so it's noble" part.
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May 22, 2018 16:16
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...Eye of Argon?
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May 22, 2018 20:29
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I was going to guess one of the Clan of the Cave Bear books but I don't recall them being that purple prose.
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May 23, 2018 00:47
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queserasera posted:I for one would love to read supernatural horror that doesn't involve a protagonist looking to bang or a written-to-be-bangable protagonist. It wasn't really a Sex Scene, but The Darkest Part of the Woods had sex as a plot point and didn't stray into fetish. It stayed perfectly in Horror. It also didn't write out sex scenes or anything, it was just alluded to and hinted at. I VASTLY prefer that kind of thing. I'm always loving terrified when any horror veers towards sex, because jfc does that ever not go well VERY OFTEN. Midnight Voyager has a new favorite as of 08:29 on May 24, 2018 |
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May 24, 2018 08:22
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"Men's Adventure" stuff is low hanging fruit but nonetheless check out this garbage I found: The Amazon description is in allcaps: quote:BECAUSE SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO FIGHT FIRE WITH HELLFIRE, THERE’S CAINE DEATHWALKER, RAISED AS A DEMON, ARMED LIKE A GUN MERCHANT, AND FUELED BY BOOZE. NICE IS A DIRTY WORD AND KILLING IS WHAT HE DOES BEST. MAKE A CONTRACT WITH HELL, AND HE COULD BE ON YOUR SIDE, GOD HELP YOU. And "Look Inside", jfc it's exactly what you'd expect from something that looks like a Da Share Z0ne parody.   
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Jul 13, 2018 07:37
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Why does he need to have a magic tattoo to punch himself in the balls and yell at a woman?
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Jul 13, 2018 08:04
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C.M. Kruger posted:"Men's Adventure" stuff is low hanging fruit but nonetheless check out this garbage I found: This kicks rear end
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Jul 13, 2018 12:33
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I’m going to be chanting “White Jade Reaper, by Morgan Blayde, starring Caine Deathwalker” under my breath prodromally all day
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Jul 13, 2018 12:35
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C.M. Kruger posted:And "Look Inside", jfc it's exactly what you'd expect from something that looks like a Da Share Z0ne parody. Haven't giggled at prose lately, thank you.
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Jul 13, 2018 12:37
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C.M. Kruger posted:"Men's Adventure" stuff is low hanging fruit but nonetheless check out this garbage I found: This is incredible and I desperately want to read it now.
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Jul 13, 2018 13:52
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This is like Sandman Slim minus the modicum of self-awareness. Heroin
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Jul 13, 2018 14:58
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Harry drew his guitar, Fuckslayer
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Jul 13, 2018 15:29
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"I need to work on my people skills." Two seconds later: "Shut the gently caress up, frightened pathetic girls who don't want to die!" Seriously, the way he describes the women makes my skin crawl.
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Jul 13, 2018 15:58
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