The neverending Weekend Web thread for bad posts about football

The Something Awful Forums > Discussion > Sports Argument Stadium > The Ray Parlour > The neverending Weekend Web thread for bad posts about football

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oliwan: Jul 20, 2005; by Nyc_Tattoo

# ? Jul 31, 2018 12:03

Adbot: ADBOT LOVES YOU

# ? May 30, 2024 18:59

BWV: Feb 24, 2005

some next level stuff right here

https://www.reddit.com/r/Barca/comments/93pqd6/the_elephant_in_the_room/

# ? Aug 2, 2018 23:13

Crazy Ted: Jul 29, 2003

BWV posted:

some next level stuff right here

https://www.reddit.com/r/Barca/comments/93pqd6/the_elephant_in_the_room/

quote:

I am just going to say it outright, �The Bar�a way is a spectrum and not a point.�

Well the first part of that quote is certainly correct.

# ? Aug 3, 2018 01:18

Strawman: Feb 9, 2008; Tortuga means turtle, and that's me. I take my time but I always win.

Agree 100% except for Morelos comment. Aye he did flick a leg out but ffs that�s never ever a red for any other team in our league and we all know it. It�s time to stop all this paranoia bollocks, the officials have put a marker down the day, as they did for our first game last season in the hibs game. It�s well beyond the point of question, it�s loving out and out cheating.

No oval office will convince me otherwise

# ? Aug 6, 2018 12:54

Chas McGill: Oct 29, 2010; loves Fat Philippe

Windass dived and all

# ? Aug 6, 2018 13:50

Total Meatlove: Jan 28, 2007; Rangers died, shoujo Hitler cried ;_;

https://twitter.com/evening_tele/status/1026792694461415426?s=21

# ? Aug 7, 2018 22:15

blue footed boobie: Sep 14, 2012; UEFA SUPREMACY

Here�s Billy Haisley�s novella on a player he�s probably never seen play outside of a YouTube clip

https://deadspin.com/the-best-dribbler-in-the-world-is-back-in-the-premier-l-1828229389

# ? Aug 9, 2018 22:28

TheBigAristotle: Feb 8, 2007; I'm tired of hearing about money, money, money, money, money.
I just want to play the game, drink Pepsi, wear Reebok.; Grimey Drawer

Yeah I'm a fan of Adama but he gives the ball away a lot. Haisley is loving stupid

# ? Aug 9, 2018 22:32

TelekineticBear!: Feb 19, 2009

blue footed boobie posted:

Here�s Billy Haisley�s novella on a player he�s probably never seen play outside of a YouTube clip

https://deadspin.com/the-best-dribbler-in-the-world-is-back-in-the-premier-l-1828229389

oh my god lol

# ? Aug 10, 2018 15:29

Thom P. Tiers: May 29, 2008; Red Birds
Red Ass
Red Text

This all checks out.

# ? Aug 10, 2018 17:02

African AIDS cum: Feb 29, 2012; Welcome back, welcome back, welcome baaaack

blue footed boobie posted:

Here�s Billy Haisley�s novella on a player he�s probably never seen play outside of a YouTube clip

https://deadspin.com/the-best-dribbler-in-the-world-is-back-in-the-premier-l-1828229389

Lol no wonder univision can't find a buyer for this shitblog

During the 2017-18 season, Adama amassed 243 total dribbles in league play. The next highest dribbler in the Championship, Luke Freeman, completed 135 dribbles. And Freeman played almost twice as many minutes as Traor�. Even more stark than his total dribble numbers are his averages. Per 90 minutes, Adama successfully executed an average of 9.6 dribbles. That�s an average of three entire dribbles more than the next player who played at least a couple hundred minutes. If we restrict it to players who were on the pitch for at least 1,000 minutes, Traor�s 9.6 is more than five dribbles up on Jeremie Boga�s 4.6 average.

# ? Aug 10, 2018 17:10

wicka: Jun 28, 2007

African AIDS cum posted:

Lol no wonder univision can't find a buyer for this shitblog

Everyone else at Deadspin is good

# ? Aug 10, 2018 17:12

Weaponized Cum: Aug 31, 2004; This post brought to you by the finest Miami cocaine money can buy ----->

African AIDS cum posted:

Lol no wonder univision can't find a buyer for this shitblog

Have you met our parent company, Univision? Well, let me tell you about Univision: it�s a shoddily run TV outfit owned by a deranged media baron who makes awful TV shows for hyperactive children. It is terminally incapable of making money and is located in the absolute shittiest part of Miami. You might say the Univision is the Miami Dolphins of TV networks. Or perhaps that analogy is even better if you turn it around.

# ? Aug 10, 2018 17:13

African AIDS cum: Feb 29, 2012; Welcome back, welcome back, welcome baaaack

The Kimoa Kid posted:

Everyone else at Deadspin is good

A wicka post

# ? Aug 10, 2018 17:14

wicka: Jun 28, 2007

African AIDS cum posted:

A wicka post

An [I don't even remember if you had another username because you are insanely one-note and forgettable] post

# ? Aug 10, 2018 17:17

Chas McGill: Oct 29, 2010; loves Fat Philippe

Why do American football writers love numbers so much?

# ? Aug 10, 2018 19:32

Brony Car: May 22, 2014; by Cyrano4747

Chas McGill posted:

Why do American football writers love numbers so much?

Because it makes the sport seem more like baseball.

# ? Aug 10, 2018 19:47

wicka: Jun 28, 2007

They also heavily rely on stats because they don't actually watch very much football or know what they're talking about.

# ? Aug 10, 2018 20:02

Bobby Digital: Sep 4, 2009

Chas McGill posted:

Why do American football writers love numbers so much?

Wait for my Medium.com thinkpiece on the precise angles of Guardiola triangles and the passes therein.

code:


FERNANDINHO
       DE BRUYNE
         STERLING
        AGUERO
          SILVA
       SANE

Subscribe on Patreon!

# ? Aug 10, 2018 20:04

Literally Lewis Hamilton: Feb 22, 2005

The Kimoa Kid posted:

They also heavily rely on stats because they don't actually watch very much football or know what they're talking about.

When did you start writing for them?

(USER WAS PUT ON PROBATION FOR THIS POST)

# ? Aug 10, 2018 20:04

wicka: Jun 28, 2007

big crush on Chad OMG posted:

When did you start writing for them?

Right thread

# ? Aug 10, 2018 20:17

blue footed boobie: Sep 14, 2012; UEFA SUPREMACY

Chas McGill posted:

Why do American football writers love numbers so much?

Opportunity, really. The market for writers for the major American sports is saturated, and there�s no reason to read some random dude�s blog, so you end up with dipshits like Haisley trying to pass themselves off as soccer writers in order to actually make some money and gain a following while writing about sports.

# ? Aug 11, 2018 03:25

trem_two: Oct 22, 2002; it is better if you keep saying I'm fat, as I will continue to score goals; Fun Shoe

# ? Aug 12, 2018 14:18

Brony Car: May 22, 2014; by Cyrano4747

trem_two posted:

# ? Aug 12, 2018 15:11

Troy Queef: Jan 12, 2013

blue footed boobie posted:

Opportunity, really. The market for writers for the major American sports is saturated, and there�s no reason to read some random dude�s blog, so you end up with dipshits like Haisley trying to pass themselves off as soccer writers in order to actually make some money and gain a following while writing about sports.

also, over the past 10 years the sabermetrics movement has totally consumed US sportswriters, partially because they identify more with GMs (who like them went to elite educational institutions, are "smart", and share similar socio-cultural trappings) than coaches or athletes, and thus everything has to be about numbers, Advanced Stats, and showing you're not like those "old" people

# ? Aug 12, 2018 19:06

BWV: Feb 24, 2005

http://www.espn.com/soccer/club/bar...-perfectly-fine

La Liga level editing right here

quote:

It's a strong bet that those trying to assess how Philippe Coutinho might flourish at Barcelona this season will first draw conclusions from his goal and assist in last season's Copa del Rey final, the La Liga winners' medal already in his possession and the absence of legend Andres Iniesta, whose "space" the Brazilian will be asked to occupy.

There's another, probably more significant, way to assess Coutinho: his mentality, the greatest value he can now offer the Spanish champions.

In winning La Liga, Ernesto Valverde returned an almost flawless first year's test score to his employers.

A league and cup Double, a 17-point cushion on rivals Real Madrid, 93 points, 99 league goals and within one match of an unbeaten season. Ultra-robust.

That single defeat, however, was mind-boggling.

Levante, Valencia's "other" team, had spent most of the season as whipping boys, four games earlier had been fourth-bottom, were still in relegation trouble, and hadn't registered a home win against Barca since 1964.

# ? Aug 17, 2018 02:30

NinpoEspiritoSanto: Oct 22, 2013

lol it's like they forgot what they were writing about after two paragraphs

# ? Aug 17, 2018 11:35

ElGroucho: Nov 1, 2005; We already - What about sticking our middle fingers up... That was insane; Fun Shoe

Weaponized Cum posted:

Have you met our parent company, Univision? Well, let me tell you about Univision: it�s a shoddily run TV outfit owned by a deranged media baron who makes awful TV shows for hyperactive children. It is terminally incapable of making money and is located in the absolute shittiest part of Miami. You might say the Univision is the Miami Dolphins of TV networks. Or perhaps that analogy is even better if you turn it around.

My wife and I ran through a list of all the things that we every watched on that channel, and it was almost exclusively content from Televisa

And now Sabado Gigante is gone, lmao

# ? Aug 17, 2018 21:03

TheBigAristotle: Feb 8, 2007; I'm tired of hearing about money, money, money, money, money.
I just want to play the game, drink Pepsi, wear Reebok.; Grimey Drawer

Billy's doubling down

# ? Aug 22, 2018 02:03

vyelkin: Jan 2, 2011

I like how now it's "his claim" instead of "my claim"

# ? Aug 22, 2018 03:22

wicka: Jun 28, 2007

Ban me when he compares this dude to LeBron (unless he's already done so, in which case please don't ban me, it's gonna happen at the end of the F1 season anyway)

# ? Aug 22, 2018 04:11

Brony Car: May 22, 2014; by Cyrano4747

Did this actually happen?

# ? Aug 23, 2018 00:53

pik_d: Feb 24, 2006; follow the white dove

TRP Post of the Month October 2021

Brony Car posted:

Did this actually happen?

His son Paolo is 3. So... no? But sorta yes in that Paolo is a form of Paul?

# ? Aug 23, 2018 01:43

Crazy Ted: Jul 29, 2003

Brony Car posted:

Did this actually happen?

I vaguely remember him saying that he regretted not playing with Paul Scholes, and it really seems like something he'd say. Don't know about the rest of it.

# ? Aug 23, 2018 01:50

pik_d: Feb 24, 2006; follow the white dove

TRP Post of the Month October 2021

Crazy Ted posted:

I vaguely remember him saying that he regretted not playing with Paul Scholes, and it really seems like something he'd say. Don't know about the rest of it.

I thought that was Xavi

# ? Aug 23, 2018 01:51

BWV: Feb 24, 2005

there was a big story years ago about how all the barca boys had to draw straws to decide who would switch jerseys with him in the Champion's League final.

and the Xavi interview where he said...

quote:

Paul Scholes! A role model. For me � and I really mean this � he's the best central midfielder I've seen in the last 15, 20 years. I've spoken to Xabi Alonso about him. He's spectacular, he has it all: the last pass, goals, he's strong, he doesn't lose the ball, vision. If he'd been Spanish he might have been rated more highly. Players love him.

# ? Aug 23, 2018 02:16

Shrapnig: Jan 21, 2005

I can kind of buy Scholes being a "players player" in that players who played with or against him rate him really highly because of his football knowledge and awareness but most of that comes when you don't have the ball. There are a ton of footballers who have been brilliant in moments on the ball but are total numpty's if the ball isn't at their feet. That's not taking away from Scholes being a very technically good player, his long range passing and shooting was excellent. He always struck me as a player who was never out of position when he played and in his early years he scored a ton of goals as a second striker making late runs into the box. Shite tackler though and I always wonder what would have happened if that air punch at Xabi Alonso had landed.

The whole "only regret/and that player was Paul Scholes" meme stuff is still funny though.

# ? Aug 23, 2018 02:38

blue footed boobie: Sep 14, 2012; UEFA SUPREMACY

pik_d posted:

I thought that was Xavi

Yeah the hyperbolic Scholes quotes are usually attributed to Xavi.

# ? Aug 23, 2018 02:48

Mean Bean Machine: May 9, 2008; Only when I breathe.

BWV posted:

there was a big story years ago about how all the barca boys had to draw straws to decide who would switch jerseys with him in the Champion's League final.

and the Xavi interview where he said...

im glad those guys - xavi, iniesta, messi - are all dead

# ? Aug 23, 2018 02:54

Adbot: ADBOT LOVES YOU

# ? May 30, 2024 18:59

Bogan Krkic: Oct 31, 2010; Swedish style? No.
Yugoslavian style? Of course not.
It has to be Zlatan-style.

Brony Car posted:

Did this actually happen?

Yes, this did actually happen

# ? Aug 23, 2018 03:20

The Something Awful Forums > Discussion > Sports Argument Stadium > The Ray Parlour > The neverending Weekend Web thread for bad posts about football

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