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i'm still waiting for the WC2 where the horde invades present-day earth
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Aug 8, 2018 12:05
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Prav posted:i'm still waiting for the WC2 where the horde invades present-day earth Spoiler territory for the end of this LP: This is exactly what I thought Starcraft was going to be when it was announced since there wasn't officially a canon ending to WC2:BtDP at the time.
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Aug 8, 2018 12:22
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Prav posted:HoMM 5 and 7 were great though I've been having a hankering to play 5 lately. I just want to finish some unfinished business first. 
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Aug 8, 2018 13:03
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Prav posted:i'm still waiting for the WC2 where the horde invades present-day earth I for one welcome our new Orcish Overlords!
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Aug 8, 2018 13:22
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Darth TNT posted:I've been having a hankering to play 5 lately. I just want to finish some unfinished business first. Having played the fully-patched version on Steam a couple times, I actually went back at one point and managed to find a version of it online from a disc image so I could play it unpatched. One big reason being the way the expansions *COMPLETELY* overhauled the necromancy system. But... I feel like we're getting a bit off-topic here.
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Aug 8, 2018 20:54
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Yeah, HoMM5's expansions retroactively gently caress up the campaigns of previous ones which were designed for different abilities (although cheesing the vanilla campaign with expansion units is pretty fun). Actually, did 7 ever get fixed? I really wanted to like that thing but it's loving unplayable.
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Aug 8, 2018 22:27
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 Draenor, Part One: A Totally Normal Beginning Lore for... Return of the Peasants' Union We're here. Finally, we're Beyond the Dark Portal. Now, I've talked about Draenor before, but that was also before the age of Blizzard publishing three freakin' lore books because, hell, nerds will buy anything. I'm sure there's nothing in them that I don't already know about good ol' Ogreville/Orcopolis/Draenor! Alright, gimmie a second to page through these things...  WHAT THE HELL, BLIZZARD? Alright, everyone, settle in for a long few Lore updates because Draenor is a goddamn mess. I mean, where to begin? Well... as always, we start with the titans. Sort of. As we've talked about before, the titans were on a quest to awaken their brothers and sisters across the vast expanse of the Twisting Nether. These sleeping titans were the souls of worlds and Azeroth was apparently the best and most amazing worldsoul. So what about Draenor? Nope. No soul. Just a hunk of inert rock. That's refreshing, actually. However, we should view "not having a worldsoul" as a default state for planets in the Warcraft universe. Azeroth is the anomaly, not Draenor. Why is that, you ask? Well, the big thing is that the worldsoul of Azeroth was so drat massive and powerful that it consumed most of the fifth element! Yeah, there's a fifth element. Of course there is. Haven't you guys ever watched Captain Planet?  Guys, it was either this or a joke with Alleria saying, “Multipass,” alright? So yeah, the fifth element is Spirit and it exists to give strength and power to living things (and also kept the other elements under control, which meant Draenor didn't go to war with the fundamentals of the universe). This is cool and good! This means that Draenor had massive animal life and wildly growing plant life. I mean... maybe the plant life was growing a little out of control. It grew enough that it started eating animals and choking the life out of everything around it. Oh, and also it grew so powerful that it started to suck the life out of the element of Spirit itself. Okay, it's a bit too powerful. This plant life was known as the Sporemounds and once it consumed Spirit, it actually gained sentience. So it's a plant based Skynet. This new plant network became known as the Evergrowth. This is when Sargeras's titan buddy Aggramar comes swinging by looking for worldsouls to free. He does a quick check and sees that everything is just hosed beyond all recognition. Sure, there's no worldsoul, but there was a massive plant lifeform that was strangling out all life on this random planet. Now, I'm not sure why Aggramar felt the need to intervene, but he decided that those plants needed to die. However, he was on a mission to save the universe from demons and was too busy for yardwork, so he made a proxy to fight his battle. He reached down through the heavens and poured all the energies of the remaining four elements into the largest mountain on Draenor (which hasn't been named Draenor yet, but we need a name for right now). The mountain came to life as a massive stone giant that he named Grond.  "I'll hug him and pet him and squeeze him and name him Grond." Grond, being a mountain newly brought to life and filled with elemental energy and furor, immediately found the nearest Sporemound and ripped it free from the planet and hurled it to parts unknown. This made the three remaining Sporemound sit up and take notice. They were under attack. They drained the land of all the life they could, uprooted, and set upon Grond themselves. So what we're seeing are giant, sentient plant monsters attempting to beat up a giant, sentient mountain. It goes poorly for the Sporemounds. The first plant, Zang, gets torn apart and its corpse becomes the basis for a massive fungal jungle known as the Zangar Sea. (No, I don't know how we know it's name. No, I don't know why the locals remembered it enough to name the land after it.) The second Sporemound, Naanu, is crushed by Grond and becomes the Tanaan Jungle. However, the battle wasn't completely one-sided. Grond was slowly losing. It was the final Sporemound, Botaan, who defeated Grond. When his body fell it became a massive mountain range in (the eventually to be named) Nagrand. Oh, no! All hope is lost for our hero! Haha, of course not! This is Warcraft! Everything is bullshit! (Subtitle to any discussion about Lore.) From the boulders of Grond's body came smaller, but no less powerful stone giants known as colossals. These beings still burned with the vengeance of their progenitor and wanted to take Botaan down. Aggramar (who still wasn't off fighting demons) was like, "Hell yeah, baby Gronds!" and then gave them stone discs and fused them with titan powers. Because I guess that's just a thing that all the titans do: they just give out badass magic powers and watch people fight. Of course, because this is a fair and just world, the magical seeds and roots of the fallen Sporemounds grew to life and became weird plant/centaur things known as genesaur. Okay. I'm gonna do a quick pause right here and make sure you're on the same page as me.  UGH I HATE IT ALL IT'S SO DUMB THIS WAS ABOUT GREEN DUDES HITTIN' HUMAN DUDES Following along? Good, because I checked out ages ago. So now the colossals are waging war on Botaan and his genesaur army. Aggramar got called away for some important titan poo poo. I'm sure he'll fine. (Author's note: He was not fine.) The war raged across primitive Draenor for thousands of years. It wasn't going well for the colossals. Yet as they were destroyed by the Sporemound, the colossal corpses become NEW creatures known as magnarons. Someone else update the chart! The magnarons were smaller giants made of molten stone and they couldn't care any less for the war that raged all around them. They just went to go do their own thing. So the colossals were slowly losing the war of attrition to the seemingly endless armies of the Sporemound. They needed a desperate play. And here it comes... All the colossals gathered together and rushed Botaan and... uh, overclocked their titan discs? Look, I don't know, they just unleashed all of their titan energy at once and exploded, okay? (This isn't lazy writing, guys, it's super cool and not lame and you're all just jealous.) So now Botaan had been defeated (becoming the land of Farahlon) at the cost of the colossal race. Here's where I get to issue a correction: I previously stated that the orcish Temples of the Damned were made from gronn bones. However, this is not true. What the skeleton actually is, however, is the petrified corpse of a colossal. In my defense, I didn't know all this crap back during the first LPs! The book said “giant skeletons from Draenor” and I was like, “Dang, that's gronn for sure,” and just went with it. Okay, this is all great and everything, but what does it have to do with Draenor and the orcs? Well, thanks to some weird magical spores infused with "Spirit of Life energy" that came off of Botaan as it was destroyed, the magnarons slowly devolved into gronn (who we know about already). From there, the gronn devolved further into ogron (bigger, spikier ogres). And the ogron then devolved into ogres. Finally the ogres then gave way to a new breed of creatures known as... the orcs.  If Charles Darwin worked in a world with magical de-evolution. So we did it. We finally got to orcs. We just had to go through the most stupid creation myth in the world, but also it's all true and definitely happened in the lore. Orcs are the descendants of rock giants who were made by a titan to do some yardwork. Makes sense. Azzur fucked around with this message at 01:28 on Aug 11, 2018 |
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Aug 11, 2018 01:22
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And this doesn't even get into the ancient, mystical civilization of bird-people with their orbital death lasers and battle mechs that were also on Draenor during a good chunk of this.
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Aug 11, 2018 01:47
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That doesn't make any sense at all 
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Aug 11, 2018 01:49
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Azzur posted:UGH I HATE IT ALL IT'S SO DUMB THIS WAS ABOUT GREEN DUDES HITTIN' HUMAN DUDES word
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Aug 11, 2018 02:07
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Does anyone else get the feeling that the Titans are kinda bad at their job? Also Blizzards story people.
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Aug 11, 2018 02:08
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Slaan posted:That doesn't make any sense at all warcraftlore.txt
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Aug 11, 2018 02:10
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Cythereal posted:And this doesn't even get into the ancient, mystical civilization of bird-people with their orbital death lasers and battle mechs that were also on Draenor during a good chunk of this. Yeah, I thought about including them and went, "Not relevant for awhile. Sorry birdmen." EDIT: Maybe with the next Lore. Also, I am going to be away from home for the next two weeks, but I'm trying to put together some content. Buuuuut, I haven't even packed my bags, so we'll see how that goes! Azzur fucked around with this message at 03:22 on Aug 11, 2018 |
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Aug 11, 2018 03:11
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Warcraft ended after BtDP.
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Aug 11, 2018 03:30
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Azzur posted:Yeah, I thought about including them and went, "Not relevant for awhile. Sorry birdmen." Not relevant till WoW, I'd think. Even then the arrakoa in TBC were mostly just a minor race of mooks with spooky evil bird stuff. The lost civilization with spaceships and lasers and battle mechs wasn't a thing until Warlords.
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Aug 11, 2018 03:33
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Black Balloon posted:Warcraft ended after BtDP. Warcraft ended after Frozen Throne. Come on man, those were good too!
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Aug 11, 2018 03:34
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Dr. Snark posted:Warcraft ended after Frozen Throne. Select scenes were good. It would take a long time to determine exactly which ones.
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Aug 11, 2018 03:58
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See this is why I like 40k orcs. They have a stupid backstory but if anyone asks where did they come from? You can just say they are sentient fungus and where they die more grow
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Aug 11, 2018 04:16
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ZeusCannon posted:See this is why I like 40k orcs. They have a stupid backstory but if anyone asks where did they come from? You can just say they are sentient fungus and where they die more grow That or you can sum it up as "bioweapon species gone off the leash." Equally accurate but still nice and concise.
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Aug 11, 2018 04:47
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life_source posted:Select scenes were good. It would take a long time to determine exactly which ones. I thought RoC and TFT were okay, if not solid for most of the plot?
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Aug 11, 2018 04:49
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I posit that orcs are the bastard children of ogrons and whatever came after genesaurs. Because of the green.
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Aug 11, 2018 07:24
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Dr. Snark posted:Warcraft ended after Frozen Throne. I want to agree and I want to not agree. Arthas story arc across the human and undead campaigns? Yes, good. Nerubians and Naga? Yes, okay, good-ish because I love lizardpeople and bugpeople. Draenei Classic? Sure, because they looked like weird mutants living on a post-apocalyptic planet, not purple fetish monsters from space. Turning the orcs into NOBLE SAVAGES and giving us another five flavours of elf from Grape Flavour to Spicy Magic-Addict Revenge Flavour? Ha ha no go put that poo poo in the dumpster.
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Aug 11, 2018 08:24
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Donkringel posted:I posit that orcs are the bastard children of ogrons and whatever came after genesaurs. Because of the green. Oh no, they're green because of Daemonic corruption.  They used to be chocolate, then Daemons turned them pistachio and later strawberry flavoured.
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Aug 11, 2018 10:46
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It's so weird that when blizzard adds origins to things, it always gets suuuuuuper tacky(and it always always always has "what if the bad guys were really good" as the twist). Warcraft goes off the rails the moment we find out where orks come from. Diablo is just uncomfortably bad when we find out who created sanctuary. Origins of the zerg in sc2 is so bad.
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Aug 11, 2018 15:40
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HardDiskD posted:I thought RoC and TFT were okay, if not solid for most of the plot? PurpleXVI posted:Turning the orcs into NOBLE SAVAGES and giving us another five flavours of elf from Grape Flavour to Spicy Magic-Addict Revenge Flavour? Ha ha no go put that poo poo in the dumpster. This. Though honestly I love the idea of orcs and elves and trolls getting their skin colour changed because of various magic bullshit. Something about how their genetics allows for super easy modification from magic is an interesting take. Drank some demon blood? You're green now. Concentrated demon blood? Red. Blasted yourself with sun energy? White. Overblasted yourself with sun energy? Your body is falling apart. Continuing on forever. Orcs being noble savages sucks. Orcs being shamanistic vikings owns.
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Aug 11, 2018 16:23
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life_source posted:This.  Note that this is out of date, the new expansion has added a new kind of elf (void elves) and a new kind of troll (blood trolls).
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Aug 11, 2018 16:29
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Cythereal posted:
Idea. I like the idea. In classic Blizzard fashion they go way too far. ALSO DRANK SOME DEMON BLOOD AND NOW ARE RED CALLED IT MOTHER FUCKERS
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Aug 11, 2018 16:48
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life_source posted:Idea. I like the idea. In classic Blizzard fashion they go way too far. At least BFA's new human subrace, the Kul Tirans, are specifically a case that the humans of Kul Tiras intermarried extensively with a native race called the Drust. So some Kul Tirans look like normal humans (like the Proudmoore family), but quite a lot of them are eight or nine feet tall and built like brick shithouses because of their strong amount of Drust blood. All the other new BFA subraces are "exposed to magic, mutated."
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Aug 11, 2018 17:00
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Frankly I am surprised there arent more halfies from all races. There are a few here and there, but with all the alliances, intermarrying, pillaging and raping there should be whole small sections of cities of halfies.
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Aug 11, 2018 17:43
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Donkringel posted:Frankly I am surprised there arent more halfies from all races. There are a few here and there, but with all the alliances, intermarrying, pillaging and raping there should be whole small sections of cities of halfies. For a fantasy setting, halfbreeds are astonishingly rare in Warcraft. There's been five or six half-elf characters over the years, the only one actually worth being called a character (and a very minor one at that) being Arator the Redeemer. There's the mok'nathal, half-orc half-ogres who show up very briefly in WC3 and WoW, who again are mostly represented by one character, Rexxar. And there's been two half-orc half-draenei characters, the more notable being Garona. And that's about it until BFA revealing that most people in Kul Tiras are of mixed human and Drust ancestry to explain their strikingly different builds when Kul Tirans were introduced a new race. WoW has a few other interspecies couples but they haven't produced any known children - a gnome and human husband and wife team show up in Northrend, a human and dwarf couple (and indeed the currently-in-WoW human king of the Alliance is strongly implied to have lost his virginity to a dwarf lass) in Pandaria, and Cataclysm has a human/night elf couple. Cataclysm also has an orc who has a fetish for tauren women, but other orcs think he's a freak for it.
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Aug 11, 2018 17:53
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Cythereal posted:And there's been two half-orc half-draenei characters, the more notable being Garona. Listen, I know you are a big Alliance propagandist, but please leave this vile poo poo out of our clean friendly thread.
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Aug 11, 2018 18:35
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Drakenel posted:Might and magic are my favorite games and I will fight you  Aces High posted:HoMM 5 was fine and helped recover from 4, which is my least favourite of the series, but it wasn't the same. I have had copies of 6 and 7 wasting away in my uplay account with no desire to play them. Shut your whore mouth. HoMM 5 was mostly fine, but the changes that 4 tried were really good and should've been kept in the game (but grogs  ).
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Aug 11, 2018 18:52
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Xarn posted:
Heroes 4's greatest sins were its graphics, the abandonment of Enroth and bloody immortality potions. It's super great for hot seating, whenever you want something other than Heroes 3.
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Aug 11, 2018 19:14
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Cythereal posted:Not relevant till WoW, I'd think. Even then the arrakoa in TBC were mostly just a minor race of mooks with spooky evil bird stuff. The lost civilization with spaceships and lasers and battle mechs wasn't a thing until Warlords. Parts of their backstory are relevant during the Draenei Genocide, but I won't get into that in this post. As an aside, it's kind of obvious, but each "generation" as it were of Draenor De/Evolution from Gronn down to Orcs was smaller, weaker, but also smarter. When Orcs started mastering Shamanism, the Ogre Empire took notice. They decided they wanted this power, but tried to brute-force it. Their efforts caused a lot of really bad poo poo to go down, so all the Orc Clans came together as the Horde for the first time ever, and laid siege to the Ogres' capital of Goria. When the battle took a turn for the worse, the Shamans of all the clans came together and did something unprecedented and huge: Together, all together, they convinced the Elements (not incorrectly) that if the Ogres weren't dealt with, poo poo would get way worse in their efforts to control the elements. So the ground underneath Goria (yes, the entire goddamn city) opened up and swallowed the entire city. There was literally no evidence that the Ogre Capital had ever been there at all. When the Draenei eventually arrived, they were astounded that no one had settled that area before them, and the city of Shattrath was created in the very spot where Goria once stood.
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Aug 11, 2018 19:30
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Xarn posted:Shut your whore mouth. HoMM 5 was mostly fine, but the changes that 4 tried were really good and should've been kept in the game (but grogs HoMM 4 felt like I was playing a not-so-good Warlords game and my opinion is more in the vein of "if I want to play Warlords, I will play Warlords. I want to play HoMM, and this is not" It has also been a very long time, I reckon if I try it again I won't hate it. Unlike Blizzard, every email I get begging me to play WoW again I just think "eh, I'm good with War 3, BW and D2"
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Aug 11, 2018 20:12
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Aces High posted:HoMM 4 felt like I was playing a not-so-good Warlords game and my opinion is more in the vein of "if I want to play Warlords, I will play Warlords. I want to play HoMM, and this is not" HoMM 4 has always been the ugly child of the series. It diverged from the previous games and some of the new elements were not good. Also, notice it was made with a shoestring budget, by a company bordering bankrupcy who wanted to cash out as many products as soon as possible. This shows in the final product, see Might & Magic 9 as well. HoMM 4 expansion Winds of War went even more south from there, it's so bad it's good. Seriously, just watch the intro cinrmatic for the campaign, it's a magical experience 
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Aug 12, 2018 00:53
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Everyone has to experience the glory of Spazz Maticus at least once.
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Aug 12, 2018 02:08
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Lol, they really named one of their story protagonists Spazz Maticus? And another one Nature Lover? This sounds like the stupidest DnD party ever
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Aug 12, 2018 03:51
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Azzur posted:Blizzard's lore compost. 
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Aug 13, 2018 00:15
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It's not from WoW, but... 
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Aug 13, 2018 00:25
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