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The Something Awful Forums > Discussion > Video Games > Let's Play! > Schroedinger's Quantum Bullshit: The Give Yourself Goosebumps Megathread
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AnAnonymousIdiot
Sep 14, 2013

 Wait, you mean this isn't a bad ending???

Welp, Enough talk. Have at you!

* # ? Aug 26, 2018 03:44
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# ? May 13, 2024 21:38
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Rebonack7
Aug 27, 2015

quote:

Your instincts tell you to hide.

So you quickly jump into the open grave and crouch down.

CRUNCH. CRACK.

Footsteps! They come closer.

CRACCCCKKK. CRUSHMASHH.

What is that? you wonder. It sounds like someone dragging something through the woods.

You crouch lower, huddling in one corner of the grave.

All at once, something large and heavy is heaved into the grave. It lands on your head.

THUD.

It’s about the size of...

“No!” you scream when you realize what it is.

quote:

Someone’s thrown a dead body into the grave!

Yeech! Pinned down by a creepy corpse. You should never pay attention to your instincts!

You can’t budge the body. You can hardly move. “Help!” you cry. “Get me out of here! Helllppp!”

In answer, shovelfuls of wet earth rain down on your head.

You’re being buried alive!

quote:

You scream and scream. But no one is listening. Whoever is up there keeps shoveling in dirt. The earth drops in faster and faster. It fills your mouth until you can no longer scream.

In minutes, you’re completely buried. You know you should really panic now. But instead, a warm, cozy feeling sweeps over you.

Oh, well, you think as you settle into the comfortable grave. This is a perfect place for a nap. After all this excitement, you’re feeling tired.

Dead tired.

THE END

I'm honestly starting to wonder if anyone at Scholastic actually read any of these books, or if they just saw Stine's name on the cover, shrugged, and chucked it on the "acceptable for children" pile.

Character Sheet posted:

Inventory
Empty

Goal Endings: 0/2

Bad Endings
:siren:Trapped under a dead body and buried alive.:siren:

Achievements
None yet.

Our options posted:

  • Don't open the packet.
  • Don't bite Gabe.
  • Go see the Eyeball Man.
  • Research vampires.
  • Hide in our room until we stop being a vampire.
  • Stay and face whoever's coming.
* # ? Aug 26, 2018 16:45
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ashnjack
Jun 8, 2010

FUCK FLOWERS. JUST...FUCK 'EM.
I like to think that given that we're already undead, all we are doing is actually taking a nap.

Until we break out of the grave in a bloodrage and drain the town dry, ushering in a new dark age of TERROR!

Also Stay and face whoever tossed that dirty corpse on us.

* # ? Aug 26, 2018 17:09
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Friend Commuter
Nov 3, 2009
SO CLEVER I WANT TO FUCK MY OWN BRAIN.
Smellrose
Let's stay and face the nice person who brought us a takeaway dinner.

* # ? Aug 26, 2018 17:35
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Blueberry Pancakes
Aug 18, 2012

Jack in!! MegaMan, Execute!
I feel like we just had a near encounter with a mob hitman.

Stay and devour him for his insolence.

* # ? Aug 26, 2018 19:02
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AceOfFlames
Oct 9, 2012

Rebonack7 posted:

I'm honestly starting to wonder if anyone at Scholastic actually read any of these books, or if they just saw Stine's name on the cover, shrugged, and chucked it on the "acceptable for children" pile.

Keep in mind that this is the same publisher that put out the Animorphs books. Those things are DARK.

Stay and face the poor bastard that is about to get drained.

* # ? Aug 26, 2018 21:24
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Rebonack7
Aug 27, 2015

quote:

Slowly, you turn to see who’s behind you.

“Good evening,” a dark, shadowy figure whispers. “I see you’ve found my home-away-from-home.”

The shadowy figure steps forward. A beam of moonlight strikes his face. Then his fangs. Then the glass eye sitting on his palm!

“Mr. Reuterly!” you cry.

quote:

“Yessss,” Mr. Reuterly hisses.

“Mr. Reuterly?” you gasp. “You’re... you’re a vampire?”

“I’m glad we see eye to eye on that.” He snickers, putting his glass eye back in. “The salesman gave me quite a discount on those Vampire in a Can costumes,” he adds with a soft chuckle. “He said it was because we’re ‘blood brothers.’ Ha-ha-ha!”

“What a yuckmeister,” you mutter sarcastically.

“Well, I suppose we should be talking in a more serious vein,” Reuterly says. He cackles. “Vein. Get it? Vein?”

He swoops down on you suddenly. Wrapping you in his cape, he lifts you off the ground. Then he jumps – into the deep, wet grave!

This is no joke!

quote:

“Help!” you scream as you and the Eyeball Man fall into the open grave. You land with a thud.

“Hush!” Reuterly commands. “Do you want to wake the dead?” He laughs hard at his own dumb joke.

Then he becomes serious. “Not long ago I was ill, close to death. But the vampires came, offering to make me a blood brother. To give me eternal life. In return for selling Vampire in a Can.”

“Let me go!” you cry, pushing away from him.

“Quiet,” Mr. Reuterly says. “I’m trying to help you. I’ll show you all the tricks of our trade – and I ask only one thing in return.”

“What is it?” you ask fearfully. You know the answer isn’t going to be pleasant.

quote:

Mr. Reuterly bares his fangs.

“I want just one thing from you,” he breathes. “Blood.”

Your eyes widen in fear.

“No, no,” Mr. Reuterly says quickly. “Not your blood. You’re one of us. But I’m running out of humans who trust me. Humans I can get close to. You, on the other hand, have many young human friends.”

“My friends?” you whisper, horrified.

Mr. Reuterly nods. “Yes. Or your enemies – I don’t care. Just get me into their homes – at night...”

“You want me to betray my friends?” you ask, outraged.

“In return, I’ll teach you everything you need to know about vampiring,” Reuterly offers. “Because otherwise, you’re bound to make mistakes. You’re so young.”

Mistakes? What mistakes?

If you want to hear more about his offer, turn to PAGE 31.

If you refuse to listen and you run away, turn to PAGE 52.

Apparently vampires think awful puns are the highest form of humor.

Character Sheet posted:

Inventory
Empty

Goal Endings: 0/2

Bad Endings
Trapped under a dead body and buried alive.

Achievements
None yet.
* # ? Aug 27, 2018 15:00
  • Quote
Blueberry Pancakes
Aug 18, 2012

Jack in!! MegaMan, Execute!
An eternity of puns? What have we signed up for?

Well, clearly we aren't good at this whole vampire business since some guy buried us alive, so let's ask him for advice.

* # ? Aug 27, 2018 15:02
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Friend Commuter
Nov 3, 2009
SO CLEVER I WANT TO FUCK MY OWN BRAIN.
Smellrose
Hell yes let's get advice from a scary old vampire and listen to undead puns.

* # ? Aug 27, 2018 15:11
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chitoryu12
Apr 24, 2014
Take Mr. Crepsley's offer to become his vampire assistant.

* # ? Aug 27, 2018 16:05
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Rebonack7
Aug 27, 2015

quote:

“What do you mean I’ll make mistakes?” you demand.

“Oh, you know.” Reuterly shrugs. “You’ll get careless about who you bite and when. Someone will see you, and pretty soon the whole town will be hunting you down. The next thing you know, they’ll be trying to drive a stake through your heart. Being undead is no picnic, believe me.”

Whoa! you think. He’s right. There’s a lot you don’t know about being a vampire.

“Maybe having a teacher isn’t a bad idea,” you say.

“And all you have to do is find me young victims.” Reuterly holds out his hand. “So? Do we have a deal?”

If you agree to his terms, turn to PAGE 17.

If not, turn to PAGE 52.

Character Sheet posted:

Inventory
Empty

Goal Endings: 0/2

Bad Endings
Trapped under a dead body and buried alive.

Achievements
None yet.
* # ? Aug 28, 2018 16:24
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chitoryu12
Apr 24, 2014
Let's do it! We're all for killing!

* # ? Aug 28, 2018 18:42
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PumpkinBat
Oct 22, 2012
 Is this becoming Darren Shan?

Also, this makes me really uncomfortable about this book. The fact that a strange adult is asking you to bring him a steady supply of young victims.

That is unbelievably creepy, and incredibly inappropriate for a children's book. Didn't any of this ring any alarm bells over at Scholastic?

I notice that refusing him now leads to the same page (52), so for this run:

Take his offer, I guess?

* # ? Aug 28, 2018 18:44
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chitoryu12
Apr 24, 2014
I do appreciate that this book lets you go whole hog into "Yes, being a vampire is awesome and I'll kill whatever motherfucker you want me to" instead of just ending it right here.

What I'm saying is this book has more roleplaying choices than Fallout 3.

* # ? Aug 28, 2018 19:01
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Blueberry Pancakes
Aug 18, 2012

Jack in!! MegaMan, Execute!
Nothing unsettling about this deal.

* # ? Aug 28, 2018 19:33
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Friend Commuter
Nov 3, 2009
SO CLEVER I WANT TO FUCK MY OWN BRAIN.
Smellrose
Yes, let's let the scary old man into our friends' houses!

* # ? Aug 28, 2018 21:34
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AceOfFlames
Oct 9, 2012

 Let's feed the literal child predator.

* # ? Aug 28, 2018 23:12
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Rebonack7
Aug 27, 2015

quote:

“Okay,” you agree. You shake Reuterly’s hand. “I’ll do it.”

He rubs his hands together. “Good. Let’s go.”

Holding you, Reuterly spreads his cape like bat wings. As if by magic, the two of you float straight out of the grave. You land among the cemetery’s gravestones.

“Wow!” you gush, amazed. “Can you teach me that trick?”

“Later,” Reuterly answers. “Now lead me to your young friends. I’m quite thirsty. Who will it be?”

That’s easy. Robbie Morgan.

Robbie’s three years older than you, and he lives on your block. He’s always grabbing your bike. He calls you “Rat Face” in front of your friends.

“I know just the guy,” you tell Mr. Reuterly.

“Excellent,” Mr. Reuterly declares. “Lead the way.”

quote:

Slinking through your neighborhood, you glance nervously at the cars that pass by.

You feel paranoid. Can you people tell you’re vampires?

“Don’t act so suspiciously,” Mr. Reuterly advises you. “That’s my first tip. See? I told you you needed my help.”

Don’t act suspiciously? you think. Well, duhhh!

“And never smile at anyone – unless you plan to bite them,” he goes on. “People feel uneasy when they see fangs.”

Oh, brother! You roll your eyes. More hot news! A minute later, you arrive at Robbie Morgan’s house. “This is it,” you tell Reuterly. “What should I do?”

“Nothing,” he answers. He glances at the house, then the garage. “Lights on in the house. But no cars in the driveway. Perfect! His parents must not be home.”

Mr. Reuterly goes up to the door and rings the bell. The door opens – and Gabe steps out!

Before you can warn him, Reuterly grabs Gabe by the shoulders and bites his neck!

quote:

“Don’t bite him! That’s my best friend!” you shout.

But it’s too late. Mr. Reuterly’s fangs are already piercing Gabe’s neck. You hear a horrible slurping sound. Gabe struggles and kicks like a madman.

“Stop!” you scream, kicking Reuterly in the shins.

Finally he drops Gabe on the doorstep, like an empty can of soda.

quote:

“You killed my best friend!” you scream at Mr. Reuterly.

“He’s not dead,” Mr. Reuterly answers calmly. “He’s just – changing. Into one of us.”

“What’s happening?” a voice calls from inside the house. You glance up and see Robbie at the front door.

Mr. Reuterly grabs Robbie and drains his blood. Then he drops Robbie on the doorstep beside Gabe.

“Aaah.” Reuterly sighs. “Well, I’m off. I think I’ll walk – I always have trouble flying after a heavy meal.” He waves. “See ya, kid.”

You gaze into Gabe’s eyes and watch his last flicker of humanity fading. “What are you doing at Robbie’s house?” you ask.

“I came to warn him,” Gabe answers. “About you.”

Just then a car pulls into the driveway. Oh, no. Robbie’s parents are home!

If you think you can talk your way out of this, turn to PAGE 108.

If you'd rather not try, run to PAGE 23.

:stonk:

Character Sheet posted:

Inventory
Empty

Goal Endings: 0/2

Bad Endings
Trapped under a dead body and buried alive.

Achievements
None yet.
* # ? Aug 29, 2018 14:50
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chitoryu12
Apr 24, 2014
I’m sure we can make an excuse.

* # ? Aug 29, 2018 15:11
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Blueberry Pancakes
Aug 18, 2012

Jack in!! MegaMan, Execute!
Well, that certainly escalated quickly. Someone call the police.

Let's stay and talk to the parents about why their son is lying (un?)dead on their porch.

* # ? Aug 29, 2018 16:27
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AceOfFlames
Oct 9, 2012

 We can totally explain this.

* # ? Aug 29, 2018 20:14
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Leraika
Jun 14, 2015

Luckily, I *did* save your old avatar. Fucked around and found out indeed.
:stonklol:

gently caress this, we out

* # ? Aug 29, 2018 22:24
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Friend Commuter
Nov 3, 2009
SO CLEVER I WANT TO FUCK MY OWN BRAIN.
Smellrose
Um. Look. Your son might be lying in your doorway missing all his blood, but I can explain!

* # ? Aug 30, 2018 10:49
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Rebonack7
Aug 27, 2015

quote:

You think you can talk your way out of this?

Hah! That’s a good one!

Just picture it. Two bodies. Each with two small holes in the side of the neck.

And you’ve got two fangs.

It’s a no-brainer.

Mr. and Mrs. Morgan call the police. You’re hauled off to jail.

Your own parents are so ashamed, they won’t even testify as character witnesses for you at the trial! The jury quickly convicts you of double murder.

You get a life sentence. Well, at least I’ll have plenty of victims in jail, you think.

Unfortunately, they put you in solitary confinement. Permanently. You sit in your tiny cell, growing weaker and weaker. But you can never really die. For you, a life sentence is really an eternity.

THE END

Look on the bright side: if I know my monster movie cliches, some poor idiot is going to discover our cell a few thousand years from now and accidentally unleash us upon the world once more.

Character Sheet posted:

Inventory
Empty

Goal Endings: 0/2

Bad Endings
Trapped under a dead body and buried alive.
:siren:Arrested and sealed away in solitary confinement forever.:siren:

Achievements
None yet.

Our options posted:

  • Don't open the packet.
  • Don't bite Gabe.
  • Go see the Eyeball Man.
  • Research vampires.
  • Hide in our room until we stop being a vampire.
  • Refuse Reuterly's offer.
  • Run from the dead bodies.
* # ? Aug 30, 2018 13:26
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AceOfFlames
Oct 9, 2012

 GodDAMN this book is dark.

Let's try running away from the crime scene.

* # ? Aug 30, 2018 13:51
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chitoryu12
Apr 24, 2014
FLEE FLEE

* # ? Aug 30, 2018 14:56
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Blueberry Pancakes
Aug 18, 2012

Jack in!! MegaMan, Execute!
Nothing unfriendly for children in this book.

Let's run away from the scene of the crime.

* # ? Aug 30, 2018 16:42
  • Quote
Friend Commuter
Nov 3, 2009
SO CLEVER I WANT TO FUCK MY OWN BRAIN.
Smellrose
Let's hide in our room until we stop being a vampire, it sounds like an interesting experiment.

* # ? Aug 30, 2018 17:56
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Android Blues
Nov 22, 2008

 Arrested for double murder and put in eternal solitary confinement is way beyond the pale for these books. Let's run away.

* # ? Aug 31, 2018 10:03
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Rebonack7
Aug 27, 2015

quote:

The minute you see Robbie’s parents in the driveway, you panic and run.

Down the steps. Across the front lawn. Into the street.

You run all the way to the park at the end of the street. Then you hide in the bushes.

RRRREEEE! RREEE! RREEE! RREEE!

A police siren pierces the stillness of the night.

Uh-oh. That’s right. You forgot!

Robbie Morgan’s dad is a police officer!

Then you hear Mr. Morgan’s voice on his police loudspeaker. He’s calling your name!

You’ve been recognized!

quote:

You dart out of the bushes and dash off into the night. You don’t think about where you’re going.

All you know is that you’ve got to get away. Away from the horror of seeing your best friend bitten – and turned into a vampire!

You’re smart, so you manage to sneak through the bushes and back alleys – and escape Mr. Morgan. Pretty soon the police siren fades away.

You make your way to a town where no one knows you. You get a job at a diner. Working the night shift, of course.

A few years later, you meet and fall in love with a customer, who also turns out to be a vampire. You marry and have lots of little immortal vampires. And you live happily ever after... and after... and after... and after...

THE END

Character Sheet posted:

Inventory
Empty

Goal Endings: 0/2

Bad Endings
Trapped under a dead body and buried alive.
Arrested and sealed away in solitary confinement forever.

Achievements
:siren:Still Better Than Twilight: Got a happy ending despite being a murderous vampire.:siren:

Our options posted:

  • Don't open the packet.
  • Don't bite Gabe.
  • Go see the Eyeball Man.
  • Research vampires.
  • Hide in our room until we stop being a vampire.
  • Refuse Reuterly's offer.
* # ? Aug 31, 2018 14:16
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chitoryu12
Apr 24, 2014
I'm going to take this as the canon ending, thanks. I just wish it went longer.

Let's go see Eyeball Man.

* # ? Aug 31, 2018 14:58
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Leraika
Jun 14, 2015

Luckily, I *did* save your old avatar. Fucked around and found out indeed.
Let's just sit in our room and play video games, like all the youth do.

* # ? Aug 31, 2018 15:05
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AweStriker
Oct 6, 2014

 We don't need a mentor.

* # ? Aug 31, 2018 16:55
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AceOfFlames
Oct 9, 2012

 Refuse our traitorous mentor's offer.

On a side note, it's interesting on how the best books we have seen thus far are based on the classic Universal Monsters: Mummy, Vampire, Creature of the Black Lagoon (Jungle of Doom), Wolfma...ok, MOST of the best books.

Give Yourself Goosebumps: The True Dark Universe.

AceOfFlames fucked around with this message at 18:39 on Aug 31, 2018

* # ? Aug 31, 2018 18:27
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Blueberry Pancakes
Aug 18, 2012

Jack in!! MegaMan, Execute!
Wow, that guy was an rear end in a top hat. He used us for one free meal and then left us to die! :argh:

Tell him to get lost. This probably won't result in him killing us or something.

* # ? Aug 31, 2018 19:15
  • Quote
Rebonack7
Aug 27, 2015

AceOfFlames posted:

Give Yourself Goosebumps: The True Dark Universe.

Now with 100% less Tom Cruise!

quote:

“No!” you shout at Mr. Reuterly. “No way! I won’t help you attack my friends. Now let me go!”

You try to push him away, but he’s too strong.

“Well, then,” he snarls, “you leave me no choice. Perhaps you’re not as stale and lifeless as the other vampires I know. Perhaps because you’re young...”

In a flash, he exposes his long, sharp fangs. Then he sinks them into your flesh!

quote:

In the next few moments, Mr. Reuterly drains your blood and leaves you for dead in the open grave.

Sometimes it just doesn’t pay to stick your neck out for your friends.

THE END

Well, that was abrupt.

Character Sheet posted:

Inventory
Empty

Goal Endings: 0/2

Bad Endings
Trapped under a dead body and buried alive.
Arrested and sealed away in solitary confinement forever.
:siren:Drained of our remaining blood by Mr. Reuterly.:siren:

Achievements
Still Better Than Twilight: Got a happy ending despite being a murderous vampire.

Our options posted:

  • Don't open the packet.
  • Don't bite Gabe.
  • Go see the Eyeball Man.
  • Research vampires.
  • Hide in our room until we stop being a vampire.
* # ? Sep 1, 2018 15:24
  • Quote
Friend Commuter
Nov 3, 2009
SO CLEVER I WANT TO FUCK MY OWN BRAIN.
Smellrose
Let's watch a shitload of horror movies research vampires watch a shitload of horror movies.

* # ? Sep 1, 2018 15:34
  • Quote
Blueberry Pancakes
Aug 18, 2012

Jack in!! MegaMan, Execute!
Let's explore what happens when we choose to hide in our room.

* # ? Sep 1, 2018 15:40
  • Quote
AweStriker
Oct 6, 2014

 Hide in our room.

* # ? Sep 3, 2018 02:36
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# ? May 13, 2024 21:38
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MelvinBison
Nov 17, 2012

"Is this the ideal world that you envisioned?"
"I guess you could say that."

Pillbug
Let's just wait until we un-undead ourselves.

* # ? Sep 3, 2018 03:08
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The Something Awful Forums > Discussion > Video Games > Let's Play! > Schroedinger's Quantum Bullshit: The Give Yourself Goosebumps Megathread
«‹›145 »