- Rebonack7
- Aug 27, 2015
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quote:
“I think I’ll go for choice number three,” you tell Gabe. “I’m tired. Maybe if I take a nap, this whole vampire thing will wear off.”
“Yeah.” Gabe nods. But he looks nervous.
You can tell he’s wondering: What if it doesn’t wear off?
You’re wondering about that too.
You scribble a note to your parents. It says that you’re sick and have gone to bed. Then you send Gabe home.
You curl up in your bed for a long nap.
When you open your eyes, it’s ten o’clock at night – and you’re thirstier than ever.
You race to the mirror hanging on your closet door.
Nothing. No reflection. You’re not there.
“I’ve got to have blood!” you say out loud.
quote:
“Honey? Are you awake?” a voice calls from the hallway.
Uh-oh. Mom!
“Uh, yeah, I’m up. But I’m still not feeling too well,” you call back.
Your mom pushes open your door and comes in.
“Should I take your temperature?” she asks, sounding worried. “Here – open your mouth and let me look at your tongue.”
Yikes! You don’t want your mom to see your fangs!
Or do you? Maybe she can help...
If you want to show your mom the fangs, turn to PAGE 21.
If not, turn to PAGE 78.
Character Sheet posted:
Inventory
Empty
Goal Endings: 0/2
Bad Endings
Trapped under a dead body and buried alive.
Arrested and sealed away in solitary confinement forever.
Drained of our remaining blood by Mr. Reuterly.
Achievements
Still Better Than Twilight: Got a happy ending despite being a murderous vampire.
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#
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Sep 3, 2018 16:34
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- Adbot
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ADBOT LOVES YOU
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#
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May 10, 2024 07:43
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- Android Blues
- Nov 22, 2008
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Display fangs to mother.
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#
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Sep 3, 2018 16:46
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- Blueberry Pancakes
- Aug 18, 2012
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Jack in!! MegaMan, Execute!
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Let's tell our mom about our vampirism.
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Sep 3, 2018 17:05
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- AweStriker
- Oct 6, 2014
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Trust your mom.
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Sep 3, 2018 18:24
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- Friend Commuter
- Nov 3, 2009
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SO CLEVER I WANT TO FUCK MY OWN BRAIN.
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Smellrose
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I think your average undead's temperature is room temperature, but what the hell. We can trust our mother.
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#
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Sep 3, 2018 19:46
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- Rebonack7
- Aug 27, 2015
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quote:
You hope your mom has a strong heart. You open wide and say, “Ahhh.”
Your mom peers in. “What happened to your canine teeth?” she asks, eyes growing wide. “They’re so sharp! Are they bothering you?”
Hey, if you can’t tell your mom you’re undead, who can you tell? “Oh, Mom,” you moan. “I bought this costume called Vampire in a Can and there was a packet of something inside – I think it was blood – and I drank it! And now I’ve turned into a vampire!”
“Don’t worry.” Your mom gives you a comforting pat on the back. “I know what to do. Stay here. I’ll be right back.”
quote:
Your mom hurries out of the room. When she returns a minute later, your dad is with her. Your dad, the dentist!
“Hey, kiddo,” he says. A little dental mirror peeps above his shirt pocket. “Got a problem with a tooth?”
“No!” you shout at him. “I don’t have a problem with a tooth. I’ve got fangs! Don’t you get it? I’ve turned into a vampire!”
Your parents exchange worried glances. “I know they seem like fangs to you,” your dad says. “I know how kids your age feel. You’re self-conscious about your looks. I’ll take you to my office right now – and before you know it, we’ll have the problem under control.”
“Now?” you say. “But it’s ten o’clock at night!”
“Get in the car,” he orders.
quote:
Dad drags you to his dental office late tonight.
While you sit in the dentist’s chair, he works on your fangs. First he grinds them down. Then he puts braces on your teeth. By the time he’s done, your mouth is so full of metal, you can hardly talk.
“Now, those ‘fangs,’ as you call them, shouldn’t bother you anymore,” your dad declares.
“Ohshf? Rreaphly?” you say.
One thing hasn’t changed, though. Your thirst.
Your whole body feels weak. Weak from the thirst that only blood will satisfy.
If I don’t get blood, I’ll die, you think.
You eye your dad’s neck, and start to drool. The urge to bite him is so strong, you can hardly resist.
Do you dare to puncture Pop?
If you bite your dad, turn to PAGE 130.
If you wait to bite the first person you see who isn't a family member, turn to PAGE 106.
I know parents usually aren't the brightest in these books, but mistaking vampirism for puberty is a new one on me.
Character Sheet posted:
Inventory
Empty
Goal Endings: 0/2
Bad Endings
Trapped under a dead body and buried alive.
Arrested and sealed away in solitary confinement forever.
Drained of our remaining blood by Mr. Reuterly.
Achievements
Still Better Than Twilight: Got a happy ending despite being a murderous vampire.
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#
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Sep 4, 2018 14:08
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- Android Blues
- Nov 22, 2008
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Let's indulge our daddy hunger.
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Sep 4, 2018 15:17
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- chitoryu12
- Apr 24, 2014
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Get hosed dad.
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#
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Sep 4, 2018 17:55
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- AweStriker
- Oct 6, 2014
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Strike before we can get defanged.
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#
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Sep 4, 2018 18:34
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- Snipee
- Mar 27, 2010
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Strike before we can get defanged.
I’m somewhat concerned about us being a vampire with braces though.
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#
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Sep 4, 2018 18:50
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- Blueberry Pancakes
- Aug 18, 2012
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Jack in!! MegaMan, Execute!
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Let's bite our dad to assert our dominance.
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#
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Sep 4, 2018 19:18
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- Friend Commuter
- Nov 3, 2009
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SO CLEVER I WANT TO FUCK MY OWN BRAIN.
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Smellrose
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Consume!
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#
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Sep 4, 2018 21:35
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- R. Guyovich
- Dec 25, 1991
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it's gonna be a long looooong time before this thread gets to into the jaws of doom, but enjoy spending a calendar year on that one, fuckers
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#
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Sep 5, 2018 09:57
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- Rebonack7
- Aug 27, 2015
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it's gonna be a long looooong time before this thread gets to into the jaws of doom, but enjoy spending a calendar year on that one, fuckers
I'm honestly considering doing the Special Edition books in reverse order so we end on Into the Jaws of Doom. Especially since the other option would be to finish with Weekend at Poison Lake, and that sounds like a recipe for a massive letdown.
quote:
You decide to go for it and bite your dad. Hey, he’s your own father. He’ll understand, right?
He’s tall. So you can’t reach his neck, unless he bends down.
“Dad,” you say, in your nicest voice. “Can I tell you a secret?”
“Sure,” he agrees.
“I have to whisper it,” you tell him. “Bend down.”
Your dad shrugs and puts his head next to yours.
“Okay. What is it?” he asks patiently.
“This!” you cry.
You sink your metal-covered teeth into his neck and begin the suction action.
quote:
“Yeoowww!” your dad screams. “Are you crazy, you little brat?”
He stands up so fast, he pulls you out of the dentist’s chair. You stumble backward. Horror washes over you.
You tried to suck your dad’s blood! Gross! That never happens! Not even in the cheesiest horror movies.
You stare at his neck. Wait! It’s scratched up, but he’s not bleeding.
Your braces got in the way. And your fangs are no longer sharp enough to puncture his skin.
“I’m... I’m sorry!” you cry.
Your dad looks angry. Worse than when you put tinfoil in the microwave.
You run out of the office. This is like being in a weird GOOSEBUMPS book, you think. The kind that sends you chasing in circles. Maybe I’m just having a bad dream.
Unfortunately for you, this is real.
quote:
You tear down the dark, quiet street. You can hear your dad chasing you. But you’re fast. And he’s out of shape. You soon leave him far behind.
You hurry to Gabe’s house and throw pebbles at his bedroom window to get his attention.
“Gabe!” you whisper loudly, throwing more pebbles.
CRASH.
Oops. That was a rock, not a pebble.
quote:
An upstairs light flips on.
“Who’s there?” Gabe whispers through a big hole in the window.
“It’s me!” you whisper back. “Hurry! I need help.”
A minute later, Gabe comes out the backdoor into his backyard.
“You’ve got to help me,” you beg him. “I bit my own dad on the neck – I couldn’t help it. I need blood. But my dad put braces on me. I can’t really bite anything.”
Gabe paces back and forth on his patio. Finally he comes up with an idea. “Let’s go to Mr. Reuterly’s store, Scary Stuff. We’ll buy some more of those Vampire in a Can things. Then you can drink the packets from all the cans. Maybe that’ll do the trick.”
“Maybe,” you say. You squint at your watch. “But it’s awfully late. What if the store is closed?”
“Then we’ll go back in the morning,” Gabe answers.
“No way,” you reply. “I can’t wait till morning. I need blood now. Got any other ideas?”
“Yeah,” Gabe says. “How about a piece of raw steak?”
If you go to Scary Stuff tonight, turn to PAGE 114.
If you'd rather eat raw steak, turn to PAGE 122.
Character Sheet posted:
Inventory
Empty
Goal Endings: 0/2
Bad Endings
Trapped under a dead body and buried alive.
Arrested and sealed away in solitary confinement forever.
Drained of our remaining blood by Mr. Reuterly.
Achievements
Still Better Than Twilight: Got a happy ending despite being a murderous vampire.
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#
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Sep 5, 2018 14:00
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- chitoryu12
- Apr 24, 2014
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Get a steak
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#
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Sep 5, 2018 14:02
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- Leraika
- Jun 14, 2015
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Luckily, I *did* save your old avatar. Fucked around and found out indeed.
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vampires hate steaks
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#
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Sep 5, 2018 14:11
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- AweStriker
- Oct 6, 2014
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One steak, as rare as possible
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#
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Sep 5, 2018 15:55
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- Blueberry Pancakes
- Aug 18, 2012
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Jack in!! MegaMan, Execute!
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Is our dad Homer Simpson or something?
It seems like in the end, we come back to steak.
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#
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Sep 5, 2018 17:47
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- AceOfFlames
- Oct 9, 2012
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One steak, blue rare. Yes, I will sign the drat disclaimer.
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#
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Sep 5, 2018 18:59
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- Friend Commuter
- Nov 3, 2009
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SO CLEVER I WANT TO FUCK MY OWN BRAIN.
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Smellrose
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Man, this whole vampire thing was a missteak.
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#
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Sep 5, 2018 19:07
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- Snipee
- Mar 27, 2010
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Get a steak
Also, I can’t believe that we didn’t die. I was hoping that the braces thing would lead to a dead end.
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#
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Sep 5, 2018 19:10
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- AnAnonymousIdiot
- Sep 14, 2013
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Steak please. Extra Rare.
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#
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Sep 5, 2018 23:36
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- Rebonack7
- Aug 27, 2015
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quote:
“Raw steak? It’s worth a try,” you tell Gabe.
He leads you to his kitchen. From the refrigerator he pulls a raw steak. “Shouldn’t we cook it a little?” Gabe asks. “You don’t want to get any germs.”
You sneer. “You think germs bother the undead?”
“Well, when you put it that way...” he replies.
You pick up the meat in your hands and slurp at it. Blood drips down your face.
“Ummm. Yummm,” you mumble. The cow’s blood runs through you. Giving you strength. Making you feel alive again.
When the steak is sucked dry, you lick the plate clean.
Gabe watches, horrified. “You’ve turned into an animal!” he says. His eyes are filled with disgust.
quote:
“I’m not an animal,” you tell Gabe in a low, animal-like voice. “I’m a vampire – a vampire with braces. Since I can’t bite anyone, I have to get blood any way I can.”
“Whatever,” Gabe says. You can see he’s still grossed out.
“If you don’t like it, you don’t have to be my friend anymore,” you tell him.
Gabe shrugs. “No, I’ll be your friend. I just won’t invite you over for family dinners anymore.”
“Yeah, I see your point,” you admit, licking a last drop of steak blood from your pinkie.
“But what about when your dad takes off the braces?” Gabe asks. “What if you start biting people again?”
quote:
“No problemo,” you tell him. “I’m never getting the braces off. Ever.”
“Cool,” Gabe says, nodding. “The only question I have is this. What are you going to be for Halloween?”
“Easy,” you answer. “I’m going to pretend I’m human!”
THE END
Well, we're about to have a very awkward conversation with our parents. "Sorry I bit you and tried to drink your blood, Dad. On an unrelated note, you know what's great? Bloody, uncooked steak. We should have it for dinner tonight, and also every night until I'm in college."
Character Sheet posted:
Inventory
Empty
Goal Endings: 0/2
Bad Endings
Trapped under a dead body and buried alive.
Arrested and sealed away in solitary confinement forever.
Drained of our remaining blood by Mr. Reuterly.
Achievements
Still Better Than Twilight: Got a happy ending despite being a murderous vampire.
 Steak in the Heart: Found a way to live as a vampire without killing people.
Our options posted:
- Don't open the packet.
- Don't bite Gabe.
- Go see the Eyeball Man.
- Research vampires.
- Don't show Mom our fangs.
- Bite the first person we see who isn't a family member.
- Go to Scary Stuff and drink the packets.
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#
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Sep 6, 2018 14:46
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- Blueberry Pancakes
- Aug 18, 2012
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Jack in!! MegaMan, Execute!
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Well, that worked out nicely. Even if wearing braces forever seems a little weird.
Bite the first person we see who isn't a family member.
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#
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Sep 6, 2018 15:59
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- chitoryu12
- Apr 24, 2014
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Bite whoever
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#
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Sep 6, 2018 21:49
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- AnAnonymousIdiot
- Sep 14, 2013
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Hey Scary Stuff, can you hook us up?
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#
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Sep 6, 2018 21:51
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- AweStriker
- Oct 6, 2014
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Bite someone that's not family.
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#
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Sep 6, 2018 22:41
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- Snipee
- Mar 27, 2010
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Awkwardly try to bite someone who’s not family with our braces
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#
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Sep 6, 2018 23:40
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- Rebonack7
- Aug 27, 2015
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quote:
You decide not to bite your dad.
You can wait, can’t you? Just a few minutes longer...
Although the need for blood is twisting your stomach into a tortured, painful lump.
Maybe I’ll find a victim in the parking lot when we go outside, you tell yourself.
Your dad locks up the office, and you walk to his car.
Rats, you think. There isn’t a soul in sight.
Until...
Out of the corner of your eye, you see a flicker of movement. A figure lurks behind a lamppost. A figure dressed in black.
Before you can react, the figure darts out and lunges at your dad!
Under the lamplight, you see who it is.
Carrie Mosher – a girl from your school!
“Aaaahhh!” your dad screams as Carrie sinks her long white fangs into his flesh!
quote:
Oops. It’s too late. You’re so weak and tired, you turned the pages too slowly.
Which means that you’re much too weak to pull Carrie away from your dad.
Helplessly, you watch her drain the life out of him. When she’s done, she drops his body on the pavement.
“Carrie!” you cry as you slump against a car, unable to stand any longer. “What...?”
“Vampire in a Can,” Carrie answers, guessing your question. “I bought it from Scary Stuff. Just like you.”
“But – but – do you like being a vampire?” you ask.
“Hel-lo! I’m going to stay young and pretty forever,” she replies. “Can anything be more awesome?”
She opens a compact. Then she rolls her eyes. “I forgot. I can’t see myself in the mirror. Do I have any blood on my face?”
You numbly point to the corner of her mouth.
“Thanks,” she murmurs, and wipes away a smear of blood with a tissue. “For sure I won’t be seeing you at school anymore – unless they start offering night classes!”
quote:
Carrie glides away. Weak beyond belief, you slide to the ground. Consciousness fades.
The good news is that you aren’t really dead. Vampires can live forever in this weakened state.
The bad news is that you’re declared legally dead, anyway. So your mom has you cremated.
After you’ve been burned to ashes, the undertaker saves your fangs. “These will be perfect for my son’s Halloween vampire costume!” he says happily.
THE END
I know I already made a Twilight joke earlier, but Carrie reminds me way too much of Bella Swan.
Character Sheet posted:
Inventory
Empty
Goal Endings: 0/2
Bad Endings
Trapped under a dead body and buried alive.
Arrested and sealed away in solitary confinement forever.
Drained of our remaining blood by Mr. Reuterly.
Cremated after falling into a hunger coma.
Achievements
Still Better Than Twilight: Got a happy ending despite being a murderous vampire.
Steak in the Heart: Found a way to live as a vampire without killing people.
Our options posted:
- Don't open the packet.
- Don't bite Gabe.
- Go see the Eyeball Man.
- Research vampires.
- Don't show Mom our fangs.
- Go to Scary Stuff and drink the packets.
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#
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Sep 7, 2018 13:54
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- chitoryu12
- Apr 24, 2014
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Don’t open it!
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#
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Sep 7, 2018 15:22
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- Blueberry Pancakes
- Aug 18, 2012
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Jack in!! MegaMan, Execute!
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well that got out of hand really fast
Let's hide our Dracula-itis.
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#
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Sep 7, 2018 17:39
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- AnAnonymousIdiot
- Sep 14, 2013
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Hey Scary Stuff? Wanna see a trick?
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#
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Sep 7, 2018 17:57
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- AweStriker
- Oct 6, 2014
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Do not bite Gabe.
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#
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Sep 7, 2018 19:01
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- Friend Commuter
- Nov 3, 2009
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SO CLEVER I WANT TO FUCK MY OWN BRAIN.
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Smellrose
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Knowledge is power, so we need to research vampires. I'm sure our parents will be happy with that excuse for staying up all night watching horror movies.
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#
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Sep 7, 2018 21:15
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- Snipee
- Mar 27, 2010
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Do not show Mom our fangs.
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Sep 7, 2018 21:29
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- Adbot
-
ADBOT LOVES YOU
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#
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May 10, 2024 07:43
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- rudecyrus
- Nov 6, 2009
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fuck you trolls
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Don't bite Gabe
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Sep 8, 2018 23:23
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#
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Sep 3, 2018 16:34
