loquacius posted:I have tried going on real dates and have gotten close to sex, but I always ruin it by treating them like a whore, just starting to strip down immediately while It honestly had me until right there Good fake, whomever
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Sep 29, 2018 09:37
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Animal-Mother posted:Pay hookers to kill the cats. Lose your virginity to an unconscious blue jay
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Sep 29, 2018 11:31
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RFC2324 posted:Lose your virginity to an unconscious blue jay Please restrain from posting your Regular Show fanfic
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Sep 29, 2018 12:17
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You do realize that people who haven't had sex with a sex worker don't magically know how foreplay works the first time they have sex, right? I really don't understand how loving that up happens more than once. Just say you're an awkward virgin.
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Sep 29, 2018 13:12
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SciFiDownBeat posted:Didn't even need hands to become the gods of the first great human civilization  checmakte this cats got hands
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Sep 29, 2018 19:37
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That’s not a cat with human hands, it’s a human with a cat head.
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Sep 29, 2018 19:45
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Son of Man posted:one time a blue jay crashed into my picture window and knocked himself out. my border collie was sitting on the deck right next to it and I thought that would be the end of that bird. the dog walked over to the bird, picked it up with a soft mouth, and set it back down in the sun. the dog went back into the shade. she sat down and watched the bird wake up and fly away. aww 
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Sep 29, 2018 20:28
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loquacius posted:This one is 9/11-focused so I should probably preface it by saying it's a couple days old and was sent in on 9/11: To the goon who wrote the 2013 boingboing piece on being in special ed: you didn’t deserve any of that, obviously. Thank you for talking about it. I recently got a autism diagnosis and while it’s frustrating to think I “slipped through the cracks” had I had to go through what you did I’d be far, far worse today. It’s also telling how your experience reads parallel to those about the Catholic orphanage in Vermont or the southern girls’ schools where “disobedient” teens would be locked into rooms forced to listen to some preacher recording for hours on end. You’re valid and you’re not alone.
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Sep 30, 2018 00:11
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collies are the best. they just want everyone to be safe 
Son of Man fucked around with this message at 03:38 on Sep 30, 2018 |
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Sep 30, 2018 03:34
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Stylometry goon accused me of sending in the cat puzzle feshes and lol my wife and mom actually got mad at me for saying jigsaw puzzles are no more productive than video games a couple years ago I make no apologies for being correct  quote:Therapy hasn't been working on me. I mean, you've been kind of light on details regarding what your actual problem is; what exactly is it you're trying to get out of therapy? If it's a general lethargy and unproductive attitude, well, yeah, sometimes it can be really hard to stay motivated. Maybe try boot camp? I'm just spitballing here. quote:There's a woman at my new job was raped when she was in her twenties. Obviously that's terrible and no one deserves to have something so horrible happen to them, but she constantly brings up being a rape "survivor" and it's getting under my skin. I mean I'm sure you know I'm gonna tell you you're being pedantic and you really shouldn't care this much about how much someone who endured something terrible describes themselves vis-a-vis what happened to them like, that's really the only possible response here
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Oct 1, 2018 20:46
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loquacius posted:
I feel like a survivor of that terrible confession
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Oct 1, 2018 21:18
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tactlessbastard posted:I feel like a survivor of that terrible confession
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Oct 1, 2018 21:19
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Hauki posted:hell, same Let's start a group
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Oct 1, 2018 21:20
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I don’t get the annoyance with the use of the term, specifically, but I DO get annoyance with people in general who insert their personal tragic history into every conversation. Like if I were to go around being all “Oh, you hung out with your father at camp last weekend? MY DAD IS DEAD LET US TALK ABOUT IT.” That said, what are you going to do? It likely wouldn’t be happening if she isn’t struggling with it and there’s no way that not acknowledging that fact doesn’t make you a dick.
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Oct 1, 2018 21:25
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Also, this is a particularly bad news week for US-based survivors of sexual assault, so maybe read the room a bit.
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Oct 1, 2018 21:50
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i don't get what the second goon is complaining about. lots of rapes involve violence, some involve murder. being a survivor of rape is saying "i was raped and it was a horrible event that influences my present being", the same way you might say you were a survivor of 9/11 or a survivor of cancer. if you're mad about the way that "survivor" is used to refer to an event that may not have been directly life-threatening, well, fine, to each their own. i personally dislike calling people who died of an illness "heroes" just because i think that's not the meaning of the term. but you gotta accept that people use it that way and just deal, buddy
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Oct 1, 2018 21:58
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oh and first goon who says nothing works: it sounds like you're trying all kinds of therapy to make an untenable situation better. like maybe you think you should be inspired and excited to do your job, but you aren't, and so there's something wrong with you and you need therapy or drugs to fix it. well guess what -- sometimes it isn't you, and the job just really does loving suck, and you can't fix that by changing yourself because there's nothing wrong with you. you just have to get a new job (or dump the girl, or move out of the city, or whatever) and that's hard but you gotta do it. the fact that you've tried six different things suggests to me that maybe it's deeper than that, but when you don't say anything about what specifically you can't deal with, it makes me suspect that it's something obvious
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Oct 1, 2018 22:02
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A lot of the reason that people will describe themselves as a survivor of sexual assault, is because labelling yourself as a victim of sexual assault is sometimes seen as a sign of helplessness. Describing yourself as a survivor has a more positive mental effect. You can read more about it online, here is one link I found from a quick google http://helloflo.com/survivor-vs-victim-why-choosing-your-words-carefully-is-important/
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Oct 1, 2018 22:11
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I always took it as saying you didn't let that experience destroy your life, either in a mental way or by driving you to suicide, both of which are certainly possible outcomes. In any case it takes a particularly dense individual to react the way that poster did. Nobody is trying to say rape is the same thing as murder. The only reason you'd get upset about this is if you're trying to minimize the person's experience and tell them how they are "allowed" to react/describe it afterward, which is lovely.
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Oct 1, 2018 22:33
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See, now that one seems like a puppet master confession.
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Oct 2, 2018 00:46
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listen to this arrogant loving know it all. how the hell do you know it wasn't an attempted murder? that dude councils have beat her within an inch of her fuckin life for all he knows. are you that threatened by someone else's trauma that you have to jam head up your rear end and deny it even happened? go gently caress a moving train
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Oct 2, 2018 02:20
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quote:GREETINGS FROM THE AVATARS FOR LOWTAXS SPINE FOUNDATION It's maybe  for weird giant-boob anime? No technical nudity but click with care regardless https://i.imgur.com/Qi4VHx7.jpgThe 25-year-old virgin goon sent in a followup: quote:In response to some of the advice from the thread: I did try making accounts on dating apps/sites before. I never got a single match/hit/message/whatever in like 2 years, so I gave up. I believe I said I wasn't good-looking before, but that's not really what I meant. It's not that I'm ugly, exactly. I am a bit ugly, but the bigger problem is really that I have resting serial killer face. I'm a very big guy and I'm incapable of taking a photo that doesn't look like it should be captioned "POLICE CONTINUE TO UNEARTH SKELETONS FROM BASEMENT GRAVEYARD". I've had a lot of people tell me(or tell someone else who then told me) that they find me intimidating even when I'm really trying not to be. There's just something about my face, and my mannerisms, I guess. I don't know, nobody's ever been able to explain it to me in a way that makes sense. I remember when I was a kid up until I was about 14 people who met me acted like they thought I was mentally retarded, and then I hit a big growth spurt and after that people just sort of uh, didn't talk to me. So, I don't expect dating sites to ever go anywhere for me because of that. And I'm not willing to make advances on anyone in person just because I feel like I'd probably end up scaring them. I don't want to bother people. I mean, this is a good solid specific solveable problem so we're making progress A good haircut would probably do you a lot of good. Nerds tend to throw $20 at whoever happens to be available at Supercuts because it's simple and they don't have to make small-talk, but it's really worth finding a well-reviewed barbershop and telling them to just gently caress you up fam (don't actually say this it's a joke). Throwing that out there because it's a simple effective fix. Similarly, try to dress better when possible. From there on out, well, the phrase "you should smile more" has a bad rap lately but in the context of figuring out how to pose for pictures less creepily it's good advice. This sounds lame and dumb, but I think you should practice your picture face in a mirror, figure out which ways to hold yourself are least scary, and try to replicate that for pictures and/or when meeting people. Comedy answer, go on Queer Eye
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Oct 2, 2018 12:34
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Join a powerlifting gym, it's filled with giant socially awkward guys who look like they want to murder someone and the women that love them
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Oct 2, 2018 12:43
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just lol if you spend $20 on a haircut, that's 2 whole redtexts for some poster you're totally not mad about
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Oct 2, 2018 12:45
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My wife cuts my hair but that's kind of a catch 22 solution
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Oct 2, 2018 13:04
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Splicer posted:My wife cuts my hair but that's kind of a catch 22 solution Same here. Time before last she accidentally made it so I had to buzz my entire head. Still better than being asked questions about what I want done to my head that I don’t know how to answer.
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Oct 2, 2018 14:03
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burial posted:Still better than being asked questions about what I want done to my head that I don’t know how to answer. This really isn't that hard, you can be super vague I just say "I don't want my hair TOO short, but clean it up around the sides and back and thin it out a little so my Jewfro doesn't get too Ronald-McDonaldy". That's enough direction that they feel comfortable deciding the rest themselves, and if you chose your barbershop well that'll turn out good in the end but don't steal that verbatim unless you know for a fact that you really do have hair that is too thick, because for a lot of guys asking for their hair to be purposely thinned out is a terrible idea
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Oct 2, 2018 14:06
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Find a haircut you like the look of. Literally show the person who is cutting your hair that picture. Look stupid as gently caress because you have no taste and got a mullet
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Oct 2, 2018 14:08
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This may or may not be a rural issue. (There’s a good chance it isn’t, but.) A few weeks ago, I took my son to get a haircut at one of the local places and the girl was like “what do you want to have happen here?” “Short, just not too short; anything you think would look stylish on him is fine because we won’t know any better” really didn’t seem like the answer she wanted. She managed in the end, but with much trepidation all around. YOU’RE A PROFESSIONAL JEEZ.
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Oct 2, 2018 14:10
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Find a good barber, just tell them to use their best judgment If and only if you're black and he's black i guess you could say gently caress me up fam
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Oct 2, 2018 15:24
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thanks anonymous puzzle doer, my gf and I just finished this one from white mountain and it was an absolute ball-buster
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Oct 2, 2018 16:01
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Yeah if you find a place that costs like $50 or more you will be able to take them a picture of a haircut you like and they will recreate it in a way that works for your head and face. If you're feeling brave and want to change, you can also just tell them to give you something that's in style and let them decide. Be aware that most stylish haircuts need more work than just wash-and-dry, but if you're willing to spend a few minutes putting a little bit of stuff in your hair in the morning, that'll take you from "hey, you got a haircut" to "oh wow, that looks great."
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Oct 2, 2018 16:13
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A lot of good barbershops aren't even that expensive, Yelp/Google are your friend in finding them Mine is around $25 or so and I've had good results with giving them vague broad rules, I haven't tried giving them concept art though so I dunno how well that'd go over
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Oct 2, 2018 16:19
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My anonymous confession is that I cut my own hair.
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Oct 2, 2018 16:51
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Also, confidence helps. I spent most of this summer with a blue mohawk despite being pretty bald on top and 47 years old. My initial motivation was to get into character for the Secret Cinema Blade Runner, but I liked it so much I kept it for weeks.
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Oct 2, 2018 16:59
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I just walk in, hand the barber a picture of SSJ3 Goku, and hope for the best.
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Oct 2, 2018 17:05
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Torquemada posted:Also, confidence helps. I spent most of this summer with a blue mohawk despite being pretty bald on top and 47 years old. My initial motivation was to get into character for the Secret Cinema Blade Runner, but I liked it so much I kept it for weeks. Looks like someone's living their best life
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Oct 2, 2018 18:46
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Torquemada posted:Also, confidence helps. People are generally repelled by thirst. The only times I've been consistently approached by women are when I was 0% looking for the attention.
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Oct 2, 2018 19:06
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Resting Serial Killer, if you're in an urban place, you sound like a good candidate for a makeover. I'm not necessarily talking Queer Eye, but going to a stylish place that offers clothes buying services, to give you some new look to play with top to bottom, and then paying $150 for a haircut. Hell, I've seen people change their look with big artsy thick-framed glasses to get super Euro - that looked surprisingly goofy without them on. That poo poo works. Most 'serial killer' looking dudes look totally different with the right hair / modern collar cut / glasses / scarf to soften that poo poo up (Ok requires a cold climate but still). The important part is to be really honest with the stylists about what you need, and shop around a bit - interview with a few before you 'hire' one. I did that myself, and holy poo poo it made a huge difference. Zero to hero. I had trouble reacting to the positive attention for a while because I had gone so long without.
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Oct 2, 2018 19:53
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My haircuts cost $50 and I get a head rub, two shampoos, and spirited conversation from a crazy hippy girl that truly believes in karma. It's pricey as hell, but they make me look more like a banker instead of a crazy homeless man asking millionaires for their money. Once I'm retired I'm rocking a mohawk again. Old rear end in a top hat dude with a gray mohawk. I can't loving wait.
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Oct 2, 2018 20:03
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