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It was said that a novice approached the master seeking advice. Prostrating himself before his superior, the novice asked, "Master, I have learned that there are herbs which can expand one's own awareness. Where might I safely learn to partake of these?" The master thought on this for a moment. He then directed the novice to the monastery of TCC. The novice went there and lived with the monks. While there he took into himself an alchemical solution that came from the Caucasus. Alas, during the experience his right hand grew withered and was removed. The novice returned to the master. He asked, "Master, was that monastery not a place of reducing harm?" The master sagly replied, "In your haste to achieve enlightenment, you misunderstood. Such a monastery is only good for arm reduction."
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Nov 1, 2018 09:44
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| # ? Jun 7, 2024 01:33 |
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The Dao of Posting is limitless in its unfathomable depths, but take heed to not enter the path of wickedness and post poo poo unto the world. A single poo poo posted can tarnish your Dao for perpetuity.
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Nov 1, 2018 13:33
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Students were arguing among themselves about the importance of the four noble truths. 'Surely the truth of suffering is the most important, since it is the first, and the others are derived from it', said one. 'No, the truth of the way must be the most important, since it gives us the noble eightfold path', said another. They could not reach an agreement, and so they decided to take their problem to the master. They explained their argument and their reasonings, and then asked, 'Master, which one of the noble truths is the most important?' The master replied, 'sirs, this is a McDonalds drive-thru'.
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Nov 1, 2018 14:20
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The student solemnly approached the master in the garden. "I see the four-fold path everywhere now, Master", the student spoke sadly. "In the trees, in the rocks, in the scrolls of wisdom. It brings me grief to gaze upon the world and see the same lesson dwelling within all things." The master nodded sagely, placing a sympathetic hand upon the student's shoulder and replying "I understand your pain. It is often harder on the student than the master".
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Nov 1, 2018 14:30
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Neddy Seagoon posted:The student solemnly approached the master in the garden. lol
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Nov 1, 2018 14:47
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Neddy Seagoon posted:The student solemnly approached the master in the garden. 
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Nov 1, 2018 17:03
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One day after many grueling trials, a student approached his master. "Master, I am leaving the forums. It is trying, hurtful, the search feature is still broken, and too difficult to go on." The master thought on this for a moment before responding; "Dao gay. so what" And the student was enlightened.
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Nov 1, 2018 18:15
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A novice sought knowledge from the greatest Zen masters, and set out upon a pilgrimage. Through many seasons of traveling, he met Dozens of wise masters, who each shared a small part of their wisdom. But the novice still was not satisfied. "I have traveled long and far, learned so much, and yet still my heart yearns to be filled," he lamented. So he decided to seek out the wisest of all Zen masters, the fabled Ultimate Guru. The Ultimate Guru lived in solitude atop a great mountain, contemplating the oneness of the universe and the power of sick slams. After a time, the novice reached the summit, and found the Ultimate Guru, naked on a rock in the snow, sitting in the lotus position. "Ultimate Guru, O exalted master," the novice said. "I have come to beg you of your wisdom. Can you teach me how to wreck bustas?" The Ultimate Guru sat silent for a time. Some say it was merely minutes, but the most learnéd historians believe it was hours, if not days, before he spoke. "My son," he said. "Yo robe look like a dishrag." And the novice was like, "drat."
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Nov 1, 2018 18:56
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Neddy Seagoon posted:The student solemnly approached the master in the garden. Either I'm not subtle enough to get this one, or its referencing something I don't know. Reeeeeeally hoping this isn't a brutal self-own btw.
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Nov 1, 2018 19:41
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Son of Sam-I-Am posted:Either I'm not subtle enough to get this one, or its referencing something I don't know. Move past and heal.
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Nov 1, 2018 19:49
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A novice asked, "What is the four-fold way?" The master was at a loss.
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Nov 1, 2018 20:53
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World War Mammories posted:A novice sought knowledge from the greatest Zen masters, and set out upon a pilgrimage. Through many seasons of traveling, he met Dozens of wise masters, who each shared a small part of their wisdom. fantastic
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Nov 1, 2018 21:03
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For several months, the venerable master Buu Shi'zu had sequestered himself to his dormitory at the temple, devoting his entire being to meditation and enlightenment. As the months passed, his students grew concerned: they observed the master pausing his meditations only for meager meals of lentils and water. Finally, when the master had grown thin and frail, and the acolytes of the temple could stand it no longer, they entreated upon the master to explain himself. "Master! You are known far and wide as the master Buu Shi'zu, the wisest of all priests. What divine mysteries art thou contemplating? Please, tell us, for we fear ye shall soon die." The master was silent. Stern was his face, and for a time it seemed the students would receive no answers at all. Finally, after what felt like an eternity, a smile came to the master's face. And in a voice with good cheer he said: "I'm thinking about thos beans."
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Nov 1, 2018 23:02
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A monk passes wind in he own mouth. A shameful monk.
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Nov 1, 2018 23:22
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If you see your neighbor stealing cable, SegaKill him.
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Nov 1, 2018 23:24
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The post that can be posted is not the true post. The mod that can be named is not the true mod. A forum with no mods has no posts. The only printer you find at the top of a mountain is the printer you bring up there. If in your travels you should happen upon granos call the police. A goon master living a simple life was once visited by a thief. The thief discovered that there was nothing to steal. The goon master caught him and said "you came far to visit me. Please, allow me to ensure you do not leave empty handed." He gave the thief his clothing as a gift. The thief was confused and slunk away. The goon master, now naked, donned his ring, bent forward and opened himself as his master had taught him. "Poor fellow," he mused. "I wish I could have given him this beautiful moon."
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Nov 1, 2018 23:37
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"Those are my shoes. Give them back!" said the apprentice. "You are a dog. They don't even fit!" he cursed. The master snarled.
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Nov 2, 2018 01:28
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One must experience emptiness to experience a full poopsock.
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Nov 2, 2018 01:37
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At hospital, lost karmat
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Nov 2, 2018 01:41
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lofi posted:At hospital, lost karmat lost fingat, gained kaatma
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Nov 2, 2018 01:42
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The student relaxed in the parking lot of the master. When the master showed up a few days later, the student was able to climb out of his meditation before losing his chance at wisdom. The student asked, “Master JudoHobo, what is in your bag?” Master JudoHobo hid himself under the manhole cover. He realized it was actually an entire pan pizza. He almost stepped on Trinity’s fingers as he descended the ladder. Neo looked at the master and gasped. The master sped through his power-up to his final form while the student wailed,”He’s over 9000!!” Neo gasped again as his power punch was blocked. Neo stated,”Hmm, upgrades.”
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Nov 2, 2018 01:50
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The Master and the student sat side-by-side, looking out over the courtyard. Not far from them were two young men, identical in every respect. They were of the same height, with the same hair and eyes. They mirrored one another in all ways, but that one was diligently sweeping the courtyard, while the other reclined lazily, thumbing through a hentai magazine. The Master spoke: “Sometimes, a single seed splits and produces two offspring. Though both flowers may appear the same, sometimes one is twisted and sick on the inside. It is a weakness of nature that sometimes the waters fall equally on both, when one should have been left to wither. It is wrong to kill a flower, but it is also wrong to suffer a flower to live that would poison the flowers around it. Do you understand?” The student reflected for a long moment, then stood and retrieved an ancient rifle from the stand at the edge of the courtyard. Putting the rifle to his shoulder, the student stepped forward and aimed it at the young man with the broom in his hands. Seeing this, the sweeping man pointed at the reclining one and shouted, “No! Shoot him! He’s the koan!”
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Nov 2, 2018 02:24
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To quote is to be human, To be quoted, divine.
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Nov 2, 2018 02:53
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Son of Sam-I-Am posted:Either I'm not subtle enough to get this one, or its referencing something I don't know. The only post that can truly own you is your own.
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Nov 2, 2018 03:31
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What is the sound of one self owning?
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Nov 2, 2018 03:40
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If a goon poo poo posts in a thread and no one replies, can he be probated?
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Nov 2, 2018 03:44
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The master found an acolyte browsing the forums when it was time to meditate. He walked over without being noticed and saw the regrettable and embarrassing things the acolyte was posting, and in the manner of an older brother, snatched the keyboard away and began posting ever more badly and idiotically, all while taunting him, "Stop owning yourself! Stop owning yourself!"
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Nov 2, 2018 04:20
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https://twitter.com/dril/status/473265809079693312?lang=en
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Nov 2, 2018 04:21
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ToxicSlurpee posted:What is the sound of one self owning? The laughter of those who witness it.
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Nov 2, 2018 04:31
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An acolyte and the master were discussing the front page. Another acolyte, overhearing as he walked by, thought to demonstrate his deep understanding and inquired if, truly, such a thing existed. The first acolyte fell silent as he began to doubt, but the master looked at him and said, "If the front page did not exist, it would be necessary to invent it."
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Nov 2, 2018 04:33
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ToxicSlurpee posted:What is the sound of one self owning? SA.
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Nov 2, 2018 06:03
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"Master," one acolyte asked, "I'm getting healthy and fit - where shall I post to help others along this path?" The master replied, "I must tell you, you look like poo poo." At this the acolyte smiled, bowed respectfully, and left, having achieved enlightenment. The youngest acolyte heard this and marveled, and stayed to watch what would happen next. Another acolyte asked the master, "I want to find a cool place to hang out. I want to just chill and do whatever and totally relax. I want to hang out with friends." The master told this acolyte, "Seriously? gently caress you and die." This acolyte beamed, bowed three times, and left, having achieved great enlightenment. At this the youngest acolyte was perplexed. "Master," he said. "These other acolytes have asked you for advice, and you have only insulted them - yet they seemed grateful. I don't understand any of this, but will you please tell me where I can post about anime?" The master began sweating profusely.
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Nov 2, 2018 06:32
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A novice approached the master and said "Master, how do I ensure my posts will be well recieved by others?". The master responded "The posts that are best recieved are those that make others laugh". "But Master" the novice replied "How will I know what makes others laugh?" The master gave the novice a quizzical look. "You cannot ever know for sure until after you have posted. To try and know the posts of the future is an impossibility" The novice clearly got frustrated with this response. "Fine! I will go and post what I think is funny and if anyone else doesn't like it then tough!". The master smiled to himself as the novice walked away. Two days later the novice was on a week long ban for being an insufferable unfunny edgelord. You can't win them all. Alternative ending: The master responds "lurk more"
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Nov 2, 2018 10:15
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If you meet a goon carrying a printer on the road, kill him.
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Nov 2, 2018 10:38
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A man's life must always be in perfect balance, as surely as the meat sauce drips off the bone and onto his chin.
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Nov 2, 2018 11:03
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One man makes a post. It is poo poo. Another man takes a poo poo. It gets posted.
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Nov 2, 2018 11:10
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So the author quoted in this tweet (DrildSkull or similar) believed there's no difference between good and bad. If that's so, it would be good to punch him in the face, or even torture him to death.
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Nov 2, 2018 11:33
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Edit: A post that in hindsight, wasn't very funny? Oops wrong thread! BigBadSteve fucked around with this message at 12:18 on Nov 2, 2018 |
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Nov 2, 2018 11:37
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I. M. Gei posted:My butt itches. What is the sound of one hand scratching?
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Nov 2, 2018 11:40
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| # ? Jun 7, 2024 01:33 |
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The Dennis System posted:That sounds more like a Something Awful Confucius quote than a something awful koan. IIRC, koans are all about the non-duality of subject and object in general and about the non-duality of the koan and the person trying to "crack" the koan in particular. I could be misremembering though. Turn on your monitor. (USER WAS PUT ON PROBATION FOR THIS POST)
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Nov 2, 2018 11:43
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