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Anne Whateley posted:Yeah that was why I posted it. condoms...are good As is post vasectomy sex inside a monogamous relationship or with people with whom your risk profile deems acceptable to fluid bond with. Condom free sex is awesome and my snip was the best decision ever, but if I'm putting it in strange I'm wrapping it up.
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Nov 11, 2018 00:23
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I feel reasonably confident I won't catch this 
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Nov 11, 2018 02:34
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I need some advice about how to talk about sexual preferences with my future partner(s). Most of the time when I've had sex, by virtue of being a heterosexual guy, I've just assumed that I need to be on top the majority of the time and in control. I don't like it much but women appeared to like me doing it and I thought that's just what I had to do. I've been too scared to ask for a reversal of that because it just seemed like way too much to ask. However my ex was the opposite of everyone else I've ever been with; she preferred being on top and in control most of the time. It made me realize that it's possible for both partners to get what they want and have really satisfying sex. I want to explain what feels best for me, but I also don't want future partners to feel stress or guilt if they aren't enthusiastic about what I enjoy as I suspect many won't be based on my past experiences. How do I explain what I like best without making my partner feel inadequate if they aren't into it? How do I have a frank and non judgemental talk about preferences? I've never really done that before.
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Nov 13, 2018 23:53
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Shofixti posted:I need some advice about how to talk about sexual preferences with my future partner(s). if you just want to try a different sex position that is the most vanilla request ever and your partner won't think twice about it. just ask what they prefer or take the lead with something you prefer
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Nov 14, 2018 00:38
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strap on revenge posted:if you just want to try a different sex position that is the most vanilla request ever and your partner won't think twice about it. just ask what they prefer or take the lead with something you prefer Username ^^^^ I believe taking the lead is what he doesn't want to do. Anyway if you're not asking for ^^^^^^ just let them know at some point that you get off on being told what to do.
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Nov 14, 2018 00:47
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Having frank and non judgemental discussions about preferences is great and all, but that position is indeed very vanilla, and I would feel zero hesitation about just throwing that out as "hey do you want to be on top?" in the moment. None of the women I've been with have disliked that position in general. As for having conversations about preferences, I find that often happens right after the fact; while in a post-gently caress cuddle just mention the things your partner did that you were particularly into. PittTheElder fucked around with this message at 00:53 on Nov 14, 2018 |
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Nov 14, 2018 00:50
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Yes, it's like a lava lamp.
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^^^ Just do "the expected" position and after a while ask her if she wants t o get on top? Yet to run into much issues with that.
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Nov 14, 2018 00:52
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Shofixti posted:I need some advice about how to talk about sexual preferences with my future partner(s). How do you know that the women you slept with previous didn't actually prefer to be on top, but were bottoming for the same reasons you were on top? Or because they thought you really liked being on top and were going with it? Anyway, just let her know, most people enjoy being on top at least some of the time, and if it gets you more into it they'll pick up on that. I think horniness is contagious, in that sometimes I'm doing something with a partner I otherwise wouldn't, but because they're enjoying it so much I get into it too. Sex preferences aren't writ onto your soul, they're contextual, social, and evolve over time.
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Nov 14, 2018 02:17
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He's clearly not talking about whether she'll ever physically be on top, it's about her being on top the majority of the time and wanting to run the whole show. If you just want someone to take a turn on top, almost everyone will, but his goal is different and obviously less common. (And still totally legit -- I just mean it's not gonna be fixed as easily as it would if his issue was his quads sometimes got tired.)
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Nov 14, 2018 02:28
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i like nice words
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One thing that's good in my experience is to talk about things you like and don't like, sex-wise, early in a relationship. It doesn't have to be some weird clinical interrogation, and in fact can even be a sexy, flirty kind of talk.
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Nov 14, 2018 06:20
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Anne Whateley posted:He's clearly not talking about whether she'll ever physically be on top, it's about her being on top the majority of the time and wanting to run the whole show. If you just want someone to take a turn on top, almost everyone will, but his goal is different and obviously less common. (And still totally legit -- I just mean it's not gonna be fixed as easily as it would if his issue was his quads sometimes got tired.) Yeah sorry if it wasn't clear. This is what I was getting at. I already knew my favourite aspects of sex involved the woman being an initiator, on top, setting the pace, etc because I had experienced it to a small degree already. Of course people are taking turns but I've usually felt that her turn on top is just until my stamina returns and we can get back to the default assumption of me on top running the show. It was reversed with my most recent partner where she wanted to be in the driver's seat until she got too tired then I would take over while she recovered but as soon as she felt ready she'd want to take over again. Wanting that is different from asking my partner to just hop on top for a bit. And that isn't to say I'm a completely sexually submissive person. I just like dominant leaning partners. I like to initiate too and I'm happy to be on top but I don't want it to be the default state from which we occasionally deviate.
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Nov 14, 2018 06:21
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Very thread-appropriate username 
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Nov 14, 2018 06:26
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Hyperlynx posted:Very thread-appropriate PRIORITY OVER-RIDE, NEW BEHAVIOR DICTATED: MUST BREAK TARGET INTO COMPONENT MATERIALS
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Nov 14, 2018 06:31
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hoobajoo posted:How do you know that the women you slept with previous didn't actually prefer to be on top, but were bottoming for the same reasons you were on top? Or because they thought you really liked being on top and were going with it? That's true they could have been just as captive to what they thought was expected of them. There's a difference between telling my partner "I like it when you're on top could you do that a bit more" and "I'd really love it if you just stayed on top doing positions x y and z and I'll take over when you need a break". The latter feels too rigid but I really know what I like. I'm worried about putting too much pressure on them with a request like that.
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Nov 14, 2018 06:38
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If someone doesn't want to be in charge 90% (or 80%, 75%, etc.) of the time, you can't really request them into it in a way that makes both people happy. I mean for special occasions sure whatever, but it seems like you want that most of the time, which again is legit, but it means you need to find someone who wants the same thing you do. You can play with the odds a little bit by using Bumble, waiting for women to approach, looking for take-charge personality types, etc., but that definitely isn't guaranteed, and it isn't even guaranteed that just because a woman is a powerhouse in general, she also wants to run the show in bed. The highest chance will come from looking in the fetish community, for dominant women who will be straight-up about what they want.
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Nov 14, 2018 06:45
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it might also be a case of your partners assuming that because you are doing missionary that's what you're most into so they're not speaking up either. in my experience girls like being on top as much as possible because it lets them control the pace or is more comfortable in general or whatever. basically you just have to communicate initially and then it should be more natural and else awkward from there
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Nov 14, 2018 06:54
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Edit: in response to Anne Whateley Yeah control is a bit too innate to a person which is what prompted my initial post. I feel it's unreasonable to expect something consistently outside their comfort zone because they'll end up feeling as I do right now. The previous dominant partner did message me first though I know it's not at all an accurate predictor. Maybe it tips the scales slightly. I don't really have any kinks beyond what I said but yeah I could take a look at fetish communities anyway it's a good suggestion. Like I don't want to be a sub, to be ordered around, to be bound, etc. I want us to mutually enjoy having sex as equals more or less just with me taking on a role similar to what is traditionally expected of a woman I suppose. Shofixti fucked around with this message at 08:25 on Nov 14, 2018 |
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Nov 14, 2018 07:13
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strap on revenge posted:it might also be a case of your partners assuming that because you are doing missionary that's what you're most into so they're not speaking up either. in my experience girls like being on top as much as possible because it lets them control the pace or is more comfortable in general or whatever. basically you just have to communicate initially and then it should be more natural and else awkward from there OK that's reassuring to hear. As I said I've never really communicated this preference to a partner before. So I'm just thinking about if I say what I really want as I've explained in previous posts (which I'm worried might be a bit much) or just through more subtle suggestions and feedback and see where it goes.
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Nov 14, 2018 07:19
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Juffo-wup fills in my fibres and I grow turgid (snicker).
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Nov 14, 2018 09:00
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Hyperlynx posted:Juffo-wup fills in my fibres and I grow turgid (snicker). Virile action ensues
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Nov 14, 2018 09:20
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Shofixti posted:OK that's reassuring to hear. As I said I've never really communicated this preference to a partner before. So I'm just thinking about if I say what I really want as I've explained in previous posts (which I'm worried might be a bit much) or just through more subtle suggestions and feedback and see where it goes. [[pre/post-sex relaxed conversation]] "So I'm really into girls going on top and kinda taking control, would you be into trying that?" Then see what the response is and respect it. It's hard to type out because conversations don't work how text is written, but hopefully you get the idea? You just... Mention it. Or if you want something in the moment, like you you might say "I'd like to go down on you" you can say "do you wanna go on top?" and take establishing your preferences and desires from there once you're not in the moment.
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Nov 14, 2018 21:58
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Thanks. It makes sense. I realize I'm coming off as a bit naive and obtuse here. I've just internalized a lot of anxiety about this and I basically needed people to tell me my desires are valid (though uncommon) and it's okay to put my desires out there since I never really have before.
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Nov 14, 2018 22:52
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The only way to have great sex is by utilising great communication. It's nerve-wracking if you're not practised, and can even be so if you are, but the more you try and realise people aren't going to think you're a disgusting freak the easier it'll become. Your desires are only a smidge above how the average person who's into a little bit of partner-taking-control tend to be, you're not asking for anything niche or shameful.
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Nov 14, 2018 22:56
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Shofixti posted:Thanks. It makes sense. I realize I'm coming off as a bit naive and obtuse here. I've just internalized a lot of anxiety about this and I basically needed people to tell me my desires are valid (though uncommon) and it's okay to put my desires out there since I never really have before. Definitely not uncommon! I've found framing the question kind of like, "how bossy do you like to be?" gives a good idea of what you're looking for(to be bossed around), but also frames it in such a way that if they're not into it they can say that without having it feel like a judgmental kind of question, get what I'm saying? But this: Bollock Monkey posted:The only way to have great sex is by utilising great communication. It's nerve-wracking if you're not practised, and can even be so if you are, but the more you try and realise people aren't going to think you're a disgusting freak the easier it'll become. Your desires are only a smidge above how the average person who's into a little bit of partner-taking-control tend to be, you're not asking for anything niche or shameful. Is  advice.Also, being bossed around during sex is awesome and good 
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Nov 14, 2018 22:59
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This game up on kickstarter, You Think You Know Me NSFW expansion is all about talking about sex and consent if you need help with that kind of thing, it makes it easier https://www.kickstarter.com/projects/536123795/you-think-you-know-me-the-peach-pack-a-nsfw-expans?ref=discovery
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Nov 14, 2018 23:06
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Thanks everyone. This has been helpful in making me less anxious and feeling more able to start really communicating about sex with my future partners.
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Nov 15, 2018 03:48
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Shofixti posted:Thanks everyone. This has been helpful in making me less anxious and feeling more able to start really communicating about sex with my future partners. To which the first rule is this: the first and most important thing you should say to a new partner is "You won't upset me if you say I'm doing it wrong". People's bodies respond to different things, and they obviously know better than you what works for them.
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Nov 15, 2018 09:14
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Just, you know, talk about it. It's not an imposition to have the 'here's what I'm interested in' conversation with someone you're happy to take to bed, and saves all sorts of awkward assumptions.
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Nov 16, 2018 00:11
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So I recently figured out I'm allergic to latex condoms. Anyone have any recommendations for non-latex condoms? I have no interest in unprotected casual sex and I know most dudes won't have non-standard ones so I figure I should stock my own.
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Nov 16, 2018 00:27
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KitConstantine posted:So I recently figured out I'm allergic to latex condoms. Anyone have any recommendations for non-latex condoms? I have no interest in unprotected casual sex and I know most dudes won't have non-standard ones so I figure I should stock my own. Tell your potential hookups that they must hunt and kill an animal and return to you wearing its intestines before you'll have sex with them. Anyone who won't go to that effort is not worth your time.
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Nov 16, 2018 00:46
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KitConstantine posted:So I recently figured out I'm allergic to latex condoms. Anyone have any recommendations for non-latex condoms? I have no interest in unprotected casual sex and I know most dudes won't have non-standard ones so I figure I should stock my own. Back before the GF got her IUD we were using Durex Avanti condoms which are made of polyisoprene I think and they were pretty good.
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Nov 16, 2018 00:48
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Skyn is a++, I'm fine with latex and I still go for Skyn.
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Nov 16, 2018 01:07
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Durex Avanti are good but skyn large totally kick rear end. They aren't much worse than raw, both for me and my partners. Back when I used condoms with my wife (pre snip) it was non latex all the way once we found them, not because of allergies but because they just feel so much nicer, transfer heat so much better and don't smell of latex. They even taste better.
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Nov 16, 2018 01:35
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Lights posted:Tell your potential hookups that they must hunt and kill an animal and return to you wearing its intestines before you'll have sex with them. Anyone who won't go to that effort is not worth your time. I mean I could always arrange a battle to the death between Tinder matches and gently caress the winner using the guts of the loser as protection, but I think Skyn is probably more economical. And less messy
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Nov 16, 2018 01:37
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I'm sure you know this, but sheepskin condoms protect against pregnancy but NOT STDs. Just keep that in the back of your mind.Masonity posted:Durex Avanti are good but skyn large totally kick rear end. They aren't much worse than raw, both for me and my partners. Back when I used condoms with my wife (pre snip) it was non latex all the way once we found them, not because of allergies but because they just feel so much nicer, transfer heat so much better and don't smell of latex. They even taste better. Does the idea of putting a sheep intestine in your mouth gross anyone else out? I guess I'm not cut out for Scotland. KillHour fucked around with this message at 14:08 on Nov 16, 2018 |
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Nov 16, 2018 14:03
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That's not...that isn't... The choices aren't latex vs. lambskin and that's it. The normal choice is latex vs. polyisoprene, which is a totally manmade polymer. Lambskin condoms were more of a thing a million years ago. It's true they don't protect well against STIs, but you would really have to be looking on purpose to find lambskin. Skyn and Avanti aren't lambskin.
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Nov 16, 2018 14:12
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I wasn't familiar with Skyn not being actual lambskin, but they're not that rare. The Trojan ones, for instance, definitely are actually lamb.
KillHour fucked around with this message at 14:17 on Nov 16, 2018 |
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Nov 16, 2018 14:14
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Aren't the actual lambskin ones something like $40 a box instead of $12? I used to stock at a drugstore and remember them being crazy expensive. It's been a while though.
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Nov 16, 2018 15:26
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You can find actual lambskin if you really look for them, but they're definitely not the default and it's very clear that they're actual lamb (like, it's in the name). Trojan's nonlatex line, Supra, is made out of polyurethane.
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Nov 16, 2018 16:03
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I'd be fine with lamb in my mouth. I often pay for the privilege! But yeah they don't protect against STIs (the only reason I have for using protection post snip ) so I stick with polyisoprene. Which is a non latexy rubber.
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Nov 16, 2018 17:34
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