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Ate My Balls Redux
Aug 2, 2018

by LITERALLY AN ADMIN

terrorist ambulance posted:

It is at least a little cathartic to know that this stuff really, really bothers him and that he thinks about how disrespected and mocked he is a lot

Also lol if he thinks Chrnow isn't going to dunk on him about 10 times harder than Wolff did, just in a classier, historically contextual manner

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Lightning Knight
Feb 24, 2012

Pray for Answer
Who the gently caress cares about Time's Person of the Year? It's been rendered into a joke since they started giving it to groups of people collectively, and when they gave it to "everyone" or whatever a few years back they should've just stopped doing it because it had become self-parody.

Doctor Spaceman
Jul 6, 2010

"Everyone's entitled to their point of view, but that's seriously a weird one."

Lightning Knight posted:

Who the gently caress cares about Time's Person of the Year?
Trump!

Rust Martialis
May 8, 2007

by Fluffdaddy

(and can't post for 6 days!)

Doctor Spaceman posted:

Trump! <click>

ftfy

Crabtree
Oct 17, 2012

ARRRGH! Get that wallet out!
Everybody: Lowtax in a Pickle!
Pickle! Pickle! Pickle! Pickle!

Dinosaur Gum
Trump exists in a perpetual state of the 1980s. He needs his dad to pat him on the head for being Time Person of the Year. He needs to get the idea of Obama constantly laughing at him out of his head, but every other memory fades except this greatest of insults. Even on his death bed, Obama will be there. Laughing at him. Always laughing!

Owlofcreamcheese
May 22, 2005
Probation
Can't post for 9 years!
Buglord

Lightning Knight posted:

Who the gently caress cares about Time's Person of the Year? It's been rendered into a joke since they started giving it to groups of people collectively, and when they gave it to "everyone" or whatever a few years back they should've just stopped doing it because it had become self-parody.

They never haven't done that though, 1950's person of the year was "the fighting man" and computers were the person of the year like 40 years ago. dumbo the cartoon elephant was supposed to be person of the year but world war II ruined it

Owlofcreamcheese
May 22, 2005
Probation
Can't post for 9 years!
Buglord

Crabtree posted:

Even on his death bed, Obama will be there. Laughing at him.

Lets start a gofundme to get this to happen literally.

Lightning Knight
Feb 24, 2012

Pray for Answer

Owlofcreamcheese posted:

They never haven't done that though, 1950's person of the year was "the fighting man" and computers were the person of the year like 40 years ago. dumbo the cartoon elephant was supposed to be person of the year but world war II ruined it

Well then it has always been stupid and Time magazine is stupid so I stand by my point. :colbert:

Crabtree
Oct 17, 2012

ARRRGH! Get that wallet out!
Everybody: Lowtax in a Pickle!
Pickle! Pickle! Pickle! Pickle!

Dinosaur Gum
I think if you hooked up a Trump Rally with like a poo poo ton of laughing gas, Trump will rage stroke if all of his adoring fans just wouldn't stop yukking at him.

skylined!
Apr 6, 2012

THE DEM DEFENDER HAS LOGGED ON

Crabtree posted:

I think if you hooked up a Trump Rally with like a poo poo ton of laughing gas, Trump will rage stroke if all of his adoring fans just wouldn't stop yukking at him.

This fun gag is also known as a terrorist attack.

Data Graham
Dec 28, 2009

📈📊🍪😋



The fake Time cover that he had made up isn’t even a “person of the year” cover lol

Crow Jane
Oct 18, 2012

nothin' wrong with a lady drinkin' alone in her room

Data Graham posted:

The fake Time cover that he had made up isn’t even a “person of the year” cover lol

More kind of a TV Guide/Time mashup

Because I still had it on my clipboard from last night:

Crow Jane fucked around with this message at 14:27 on Nov 21, 2018

Tatsuta Age
Apr 21, 2005

so good at being in trouble


Data Graham posted:

The fake Time cover that he had made up isn’t even a “person of the year” cover lol

Lol I forgot he did that

Mr Ice Cream Glove
Apr 22, 2007

Lightning Knight posted:

Who the gently caress cares about Time's Person of the Year? It's been rendered into a joke since they started giving it to groups of people collectively, and when they gave it to "everyone" or whatever a few years back they should've just stopped doing it because it had become self-parody.



It had a really crappy reflective paper too so you could see yourself in it

ZobarStyl
Oct 24, 2005

This isn't a war, it's a moider.

Crabtree posted:

Trump exists in a perpetual state of the 1980s. He needs his dad to pat him on the head for being Time Person of the Year. He needs to get the idea of Obama constantly laughing at him out of his head, but every other memory fades except this greatest of insults. Even on his death bed, Obama will be there. Laughing at him. Always laughing!
This is the closest thing Trump will probably ever get to "comeuppance." His most replayed memory will be the best retained during his slide into total dementia. In the last days of his life, after Melania has abandoned him and he can't even recognize his children, he'll cry out that a black man has insulted him and this cannot stand. Trump will die just like he lived; constantly screaming racial slurs into the air around him on the off chance anyone is listening.

yronic heroism
Oct 31, 2008

empty whippet box posted:

This is so, so pathetic, I really hate to think what the children of republicans right now will be like in 15 years after growing up with this as one of their main influences.

“No dad you shut up!” to hear my friends tell it.

Crabtree
Oct 17, 2012

ARRRGH! Get that wallet out!
Everybody: Lowtax in a Pickle!
Pickle! Pickle! Pickle! Pickle!

Dinosaur Gum

skylined! posted:

This fun gag is also known as a terrorist attack.

That definition changes in America depending on how many white racists are involved, especially if one of his dumb rear end kids does it.

Jr and Eric take the fall while Barron smiles.

TyroneGoldstein
Mar 30, 2005

Crabtree posted:

Trump exists in a perpetual state of the 1980s. He needs his dad to pat him on the head for being Time Person of the Year. He needs to get the idea of Obama constantly laughing at him out of his head, but every other memory fades except this greatest of insults. Even on his death bed, Obama will be there. Laughing at him. Always laughing!

I think the thing that heartens me a bit about this whole situation is that you are spot on in that assessment of his mind state. He is a tired old man that sits in a room watching TV alone when he's not bloviating 'on stage.' This was said by a former domestic employee that worked for him and it holds true from everything we know today. It loving eats at him that this young-ish affable (black) dude who himself had problems and promises not kept, still has a highly favorable perception to this day. The guy that dunked on him at a dinner with all the people he ever wanted to be in attendance. The guy that he can't and never will match when it comes to getting real respect and adulation from a crowd.

I think he really thought that just getting across the line and being President would wash all that away. Like that was the prize and it meant automatic love and then he could just gently caress off and do whatever and they'd love him when he showed up for photo ops, looking somewhat like a leader.

I know that Garrison Keillor is disgraced...and Trump ended up winning... but I want to post this so that some who haven't read it, will read it...because as a New Yorker, this is the purest essence of Donald John Trump. Pay attention to those middle paragraphs where he invokes the striving. You will not read a better take on the true essence of this man:

https://www.chicagotribune.com/news/opinion/commentary/ct-donald-trump-losing-garrison-keillor-20160831-story.html

Rent-A-Cop
Oct 15, 2004

I posted my food for USPOL Thanksgiving!

Donald Trump will be a proud member of the #resistance ten minutes after he is out of office. Because he is a rich rear end in a top hat and the Democrats are not capable of not toadying to rich assholes.

Honestly if he gets a second term the Democrats will probably be openly seeking his love and approval before the end of it.

Young Freud
Nov 26, 2006

Looks like Russia lost to South Korea for the Interpol vote. Good.

Solaris 2.0
May 14, 2008

Lightning Knight posted:

Well then it has always been stupid and Time magazine is stupid so I stand by my point. :colbert:

Is Time even still relevant? Like outside of “Person of the Year” when was the last time anyone talked about Time or any reporting they have done? Do they even have investigative reporters anymore.

It’s a dying relic and we only care because our President is stuck in the 1980s and got spanked by a fake time cover with his face on it by a porn star.

Koalas March
May 21, 2007



Mr Ice Cream Glove posted:



It had a really crappy reflective paper too so you could see yourself in it

Brb putting Time's Person Of The Year 2007 on my resume.

jojoinnit
Dec 13, 2010

Strength and speed, that's why you're a special agent.

Crow Jane posted:

More kind of a TV Guide/Time mashup

Because I still had it on my clipboard from last night:



Lmao back when he believed in global warming I guess

Owlofcreamcheese
May 22, 2005
Probation
Can't post for 9 years!
Buglord

Koalas Massacre posted:

Brb putting Time's Person Of The Year 2007 on my resume.

You are also a woman so you also won in 1975, and a protestor so you won in 2011, you can also get one for being a solider, baby boomer, scientist, soldier again, middle america, or being part of metoo, if you want to really up your resume.

VH4Ever
Oct 1, 2005

by sebmojo

TyroneGoldstein posted:

I think the thing that heartens me a bit about this whole situation is that you are spot on in that assessment of his mind state. He is a tired old man that sits in a room watching TV alone when he's not bloviating 'on stage.' This was said by a former domestic employee that worked for him and it holds true from everything we know today. It loving eats at him that this young-ish affable (black) dude who himself had problems and promises not kept, still has a highly favorable perception to this day. The guy that dunked on him at a dinner with all the people he ever wanted to be in attendance. The guy that he can't and never will match when it comes to getting real respect and adulation from a crowd.

I think he really thought that just getting across the line and being President would wash all that away. Like that was the prize and it meant automatic love and then he could just gently caress off and do whatever and they'd love him when he showed up for photo ops, looking somewhat like a leader.

I know that Garrison Keillor is disgraced...and Trump ended up winning... but I want to post this so that some who haven't read it, will read it...because as a New Yorker, this is the purest essence of Donald John Trump. Pay attention to those middle paragraphs where he invokes the striving. You will not read a better take on the true essence of this man:

https://www.chicagotribune.com/news/opinion/commentary/ct-donald-trump-losing-garrison-keillor-20160831-story.html

Patton Oswalt clocks this pretty well in a recent joke (also was in his newest special but I can't link that obviously):

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UitDBgxd3YY&t=303s

Rigel
Nov 11, 2016

Rent-A-Cop posted:

Donald Trump will be a proud member of the #resistance ten minutes after he is out of office. Because he is a rich rear end in a top hat and the Democrats are not capable of not toadying to rich assholes.

Honestly if he gets a second term the Democrats will probably be openly seeking his love and approval before the end of it.

No, his brain is broken. Earlier in life he may have made the calculation that its good for business to be allied with Democrats, but he's watched too much FOX News and allowed his quiet racism to flourish for too long. He's going to be a racist right-wing poo poo until he dies.

Koalas March
May 21, 2007



Owlofcreamcheese posted:

You are also a woman so you also won in 1975, and a protestor so you won in 2011, you can also get one for being a solider, baby boomer, scientist, soldier again, middle america, or being part of metoo, if you want to really up your resume.

I'll just put 2007 and 2011 so that it doesn't seem like I'm a braggart!

BigBallChunkyTime
Nov 25, 2011

Kyle Schwarber: World Series hero, Beefy Lad, better than you.

Illegal Hen

Koalas Massacre posted:

I'll just put 2007 and 2011 so that it doesn't seem like I'm a braggart!

I'd hire a 2-time Time Magazine co-person of the year on the spot.

KillHour
Oct 28, 2007


If someone did this on a real resume and I looked it up, I'd legit laugh. They'd probably at least get an interview so I could meet them.

Your Taint posted:

I'd hire a 2-time Time Magazine co-person of the year on the spot.

That's more than half the population of Earth.

Neo Rasa
Mar 8, 2007
Everyone should play DUKE games.

:dukedog:

TyroneGoldstein posted:

I think he really thought that just getting across the line and being President would wash all that away. Like that was the prize and it meant automatic love and then he could just gently caress off and do whatever and they'd love him when he showed up for photo ops, looking somewhat like a leader.

This is 100% true. Early on in his presidency when you'd get those little snippets from him like "I HAD NO IDEA HEALTH CARE WAS SO COMPLICATED! ASTOUNDING!" and "THERE'S SO MUCH TO DO HERE, I HAVE TO DO SO MUCH WORK, MORE THAN ANY OTHER PRESIDENT ESPECIALLY OBAMA!" During that time you could always see in his face how he genuinely thought winning the presidency was like winning a "most beloved human" award or something and from that moment on he'd get nothing but adulation and people agreeing with him at all times on everything.

Caros
May 14, 2008

Solaris 2.0 posted:

Is Time even still relevant? Like outside of “Person of the Year” when was the last time anyone talked about Time or any reporting they have done? Do they even have investigative reporters anymore.

It’s a dying relic and we only care because our President is stuck in the 1980s and got spanked by a fake time cover with his face on it by a porn star.

That was Forbes.

Owlofcreamcheese
May 22, 2005
Probation
Can't post for 9 years!
Buglord

KillHour posted:

That's more than half the population of Earth.

The earth itself also won.

BigBallChunkyTime
Nov 25, 2011

Kyle Schwarber: World Series hero, Beefy Lad, better than you.

Illegal Hen

KillHour posted:

If someone did this on a real resume and I looked it up, I'd legit laugh. They'd probably at least get an interview so I could meet them.


That's more than half the population of Earth.

I never said I should be put in a position where I was responsible for hiring. :colbert:

VH4Ever
Oct 1, 2005

by sebmojo

Neo Rasa posted:

This is 100% true. Early on in his presidency when you'd get those little snippets from him like "I HAD NO IDEA HEALTH CARE WAS SO COMPLICATED! ASTOUNDING!" and "THERE'S SO MUCH TO DO HERE, I HAVE TO DO SO MUCH WORK, MORE THAN ANY OTHER PRESIDENT ESPECIALLY OBAMA!" During that time you could always see in his face how he genuinely thought winning the presidency was like winning a "most beloved human" award or something and from that moment on he'd get nothing but adulation and people agreeing with him at all times on everything.

I do think he saw how people fall over themselves liking Obama and thought it was JUST because he was the President. :wrong:

BigBallChunkyTime
Nov 25, 2011

Kyle Schwarber: World Series hero, Beefy Lad, better than you.

Illegal Hen
He's having Executive Time.

https://twitter.com/realDonaldTrump/status/1065247567443869696

Lightning Knight
Feb 24, 2012

Pray for Answer
Anybody who makes up a [stupid thing] Syndrome clickbait idea for a thinkpiece should be run out of politics.

KillHour
Oct 28, 2007


Your Taint posted:

He's having Executive Time.

In a normally corrupt administration, this would be code for a blowjob. And honestly, it would be less embarrassing to our country's reputation. Why can't we have normal problems any more?

Terror Sweat
Mar 15, 2009

Owlofcreamcheese posted:

Lets start a gofundme to get this to happen literally.

Won’t happen, Obama is all about that billionaire pedo island money now

jojoinnit
Dec 13, 2010

Strength and speed, that's why you're a special agent.

TyroneGoldstein posted:

I think the thing that heartens me a bit about this whole situation is that you are spot on in that assessment of his mind state. He is a tired old man that sits in a room watching TV alone when he's not bloviating 'on stage.' This was said by a former domestic employee that worked for him and it holds true from everything we know today. It loving eats at him that this young-ish affable (black) dude who himself had problems and promises not kept, still has a highly favorable perception to this day. The guy that dunked on him at a dinner with all the people he ever wanted to be in attendance. The guy that he can't and never will match when it comes to getting real respect and adulation from a crowd.

I think he really thought that just getting across the line and being President would wash all that away. Like that was the prize and it meant automatic love and then he could just gently caress off and do whatever and they'd love him when he showed up for photo ops, looking somewhat like a leader.

I know that Garrison Keillor is disgraced...and Trump ended up winning... but I want to post this so that some who haven't read it, will read it...because as a New Yorker, this is the purest essence of Donald John Trump. Pay attention to those middle paragraphs where he invokes the striving. You will not read a better take on the true essence of this man:

https://www.chicagotribune.com/news/opinion/commentary/ct-donald-trump-losing-garrison-keillor-20160831-story.html

Do you mind posting the article in the thread or at least the middle bits mentioned? The Tribune's site is blocked for the EU.

\/\/ cheers buddy

jojoinnit fucked around with this message at 15:44 on Nov 21, 2018

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reitetsu
Sep 27, 2009

Should you find yourself here one day... In accordance with your crimes, you can rest assured I will give you the treatment you deserve.

jojoinnit posted:

Do you mind posting the article in the thread or at least the middle bits mentioned? The Tribune's site is blocked for the EU.

I'm not the OP but I got you

Garrison Keillor posted:

The cap does not look good on you, it's a duffer's cap, and when you come to the microphone, you look like the warm-up guy, the guy who announces the license number of the car left in the parking lot, doors locked, lights on, motor running. The brim shadows your face, which gives a sinister look, as if you'd come to town to announce the closing of the pulp factory. Your eyes look dead and your scowl does not suggest American greatness so much as American indigestion. Your hair is the wrong color: People don't want a president to be that shade of blond. You know that now.

Why doesn't someone in your entourage dare to say these things? So sad. The fans in the arenas are wild about you, and Sean Hannity is as loyal as they come, but Rudy and Christie and Newt are reassuring in that stilted way of hospital visitors. And The New York Times treats you like the village idiot. This is painful for a Queens boy trying to win respect in Manhattan where the Times is the Supreme Liberal Jewish Anglican Arbiter of Who Has The Smarts and What Goes Where. When you came to Manhattan 40 years ago, you discovered that in entertainment, the press, politics, finance, everywhere you went, you ran into Jews, and they are not like you: Jews didn't go in for big yachts and a fleet of aircraft — they showed off by way of philanthropy or by raising brilliant offspring. They sympathized with the civil rights movement. In Queens, blacks were a threat to property values — they belonged in the Bronx, not down the street. To the Times, Queens is Cleveland. Bush league. You are Queens. The casinos were totally Queens, the gold faucets in your triplex, the bragging, the insults, but you wanted to be liked by Those People. You wanted Mike Bloomberg to invite you to dinner at his townhouse. You wanted the Times to run a three-part story about you, that you meditate and are a passionate kayaker and collect 14th-century Islamic mosaics. You wish you were that person but you didn't have the time.

Running for president is your last bid for the respect of Manhattan. If you were to win election, they couldn't ridicule you anymore. They could be horrified, but there is nothing ridiculous about being Leader of the Free World. You have B-52 bombers at your command. When you go places, a battalion of security guys comb the environs. You attract really really good speechwriters who give you Churchillian cadences and toss in quotes from Emerson and Aeschylus and Ecclesiastes.

Labor Day and it is not going well. You had a very bad month. You tossed out those wisecracks on Twitter and the Earth shook and your ratings among white suburban women with French cookware declined. The teleprompter is not your friend. You are in the old tradition of locker room ranting and big honkers in the steam room, sitting naked, talking man talk, griping about the goons and ginks and lousy workmanship and the uppity broads and the great lays and how you vanquished your enemies at the bank. Profanity is your natural language and vulgar words so as not to offend the Christers but the fans can still hear it and that's something they love about you. You are their guy. You are losing and so are they but they love you for it.

So what do you do this winter? Hang around one of your mansions? Hit some golf balls? Hire a ghostwriter to do a new autobiography?

What the fans don't know is that it's not much fun being a billionaire. You own a lot of big houses and you wander around in them, followed by a waiter, a bartender, a masseuse, three housekeepers, and a concierge, and they probably gossip about you behind your back. Just like nine-tenths of your campaign staff. You're losing and they know it and they're telling mean stories about you to everybody and his brother.

Meanwhile, you keep plugging away. It's the hardest work you've ever done. You walk out in the white cap and you rant for an hour about stuff that means nothing and the fans scream and wave their signs and you wish you could level with them for once and say one true thing: I love you to death and when this is over I will have nothing that I want.

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