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A Real Hologram posted:Purple Haze was playing on my CD player.... you know the riff... dun dun BLANG da dun dun BLANG I've been having horrible gas all day, my goal today is now to recreate this moment without making GBS threads my pants.
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Aug 31, 2018 09:09
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That just reminded me of a few months back when I was sat on the bus in the station waiting for it to go. They'll start the engines up a little after they're about to go and it's quite loud. I had my earbuds on but I could totally feel the bus vibrating, I had a bit of gas build up so I let rip, the other people wouldn't mind I'm sure. I was sat at the back so I could see the whole bus, there were like 3 other people also sat waiting, I was just looking out the window and letting rip long ones, then I noticed suddenly everyone had stopped what they were doing. and they were all looking back. I popped out an earbud, the bus was completely silent. They must have turned the engine on and back off to move the bus a little or I completely imagined it. Oh and one time I was in a small train station for one of these little country side villages, it was still a good size though, everyone could hear the deaf old lady at the other end letting rip. They friggin echoed. Shows you what a life time of not holding them back can do, what we'd all be capable of if we weren't trying to do them quietly.
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Aug 31, 2018 09:43
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QwertySanchez posted:Oh and one time I was in a small train station for one of these little country side villages, it was still a good size though, everyone could hear the deaf old lady at the other end letting rip. They friggin echoed. Shows you what a life time of not holding them back can do, what we'd all be capable of if we weren't trying to do them quietly. Deafness aside, I think you just stop giving a poo poo (lol) when you reach about the age of 70. That or just lose the ability to hold them in.
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Aug 31, 2018 12:43
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Our cubicles at work seat four, one desk in each corner. There's a round table in the center which usually hosts donuts, crackers, or some other fattening snack foods as well as a bunch of paperwork people leave there. One day there are four of us sitting there and someone had printed out a DoD news article which should NOT have made it into the official DoD news article links. (The description which was sent out via E-mail to thousands of people included the phrase: "sailor furiously masturbating.") This was hilarious to us so we printed it out and left it on the center table for visitors to read and laugh at with us. The day goes on, and we're shooting the poo poo when our branch head comes in. Our branch head at the time was a woman, let's call her "Mindy." Mindy was in her 50's, short, motherly looking, very introverted and a typical engineering personality. She avoided conflict and human interaction at all cost and generally the branch ran itself. She was a nice person, you could get along with her fine but she did next to nothing in her position and it was a rarity to see her. So she strolls in and starts checking out the article. She's leaning over the table and one of my co-workers is about 2 feet behind her (4-man cubicle, remember). The rest of us have pulled up to the center table to watch her reaction, but the 4th guy is kind of trapped behind her rear end so he's just sitting there. As she's reading she laughs and farts RIGHT in this dudes face. We have never let him live this down, the event occurred 7 years ago.
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Aug 31, 2018 13:19
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lmao
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Aug 31, 2018 14:31
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Guys at professional darts tournament blaming a fart on each other. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aarfkEPd448
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Nov 28, 2018 21:45
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"Whenever I fart I poo poo myself. You know that, I told you for that documentary" Hahaha, holy poo poo
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Dec 3, 2018 10:29
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Wife was telling me about a conversation she had with her friend about farting husbands. Her friend was complaining about her husband’s farts. My wife started laughing right in her loving face telling her she doesn’t even know what pain is, how horrifying farts can truly be, and how I am the ultimate fart god of the final apocalypse. I spent the whole rest of the day walking around like a had two dicks. 
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Feb 13, 2019 17:20
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Bloodfart McCoy posted:Wife was telling me about a conversation she had with her friend about farting husbands. Appropriate username to resurrect this dead gay thread  To contribute, anytime the cat lets one rip and my boyfriend gets mad (the cat prefers him so I don't get hit by the stank) and I ask what's wrong, he tells me: 'Bolo farted... unless it was you again!' Jesus, you drop a foul SBD one time...
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Feb 13, 2019 17:30
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I once dropped a truly foul, I-ate-at-a-place-called-Taco-Shack fart behind the back of my ambulance and then walked around it and got into the driver’s seat. My medic thought I busted rear end inside the vehicle, because that fucker got caught in the air-wake of me walking and followed me into the cab. It was like the Michael Meyers of farts, just slowly stalking me and waiting for the moment to strike.
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Feb 13, 2019 17:36
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That’s just String Theory. It’s the hypothesis that farts are connected to the rear end of their origination by super subatomic vibrating strings of odor. The strings cannot be severed or outrun. They are unbreakable. But their half-life is only about fifteen seconds. So they decay away naturally, but only after fifteen seconds. Never before.
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Feb 13, 2019 17:49
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theres a chick i work with whom i hate, so whilst standing next to her i commenced a really wet dense fart, the kind that doesnt make noise because its so thick it just seeps from between your cheeks, then i proceeded ro walk behind her very closely and stood next to her on the other side, effectively lassooing her with my chronic stench nectar. her reaction was sarisfactory to say the least.
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Feb 15, 2019 05:44
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wow 23 pages okay dunno how i missed this til' now anyway one time a friend of a friend claimed to have been holding back for days before dramatically sitting down on one of those rear end-molded chairs made of wood and, whilst holding tight downwards upon such, let er rip. such was the uncorked fury, so my schoolyard friend claimed, that he tore his tighty whiteys asunder and yea, blood wast spilt
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Feb 15, 2019 05:53
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I'm in a group chat with a few girls from work and one of them recently asked "this is a weird question, but could you suck air into your butthole to fart?" Her reasoning was that men liked to fart and women didn't so the men must be sucking in air to fart extra all the time and super loudly/proudly. Sometimes I'm really, deeply disturbed by the people around me. As a personal fart story, I once went back to the laundry room to change a load and while I was alone I walked up and down the short hallway while letting about about 8 hours worth of pent up farts. They were very loud and varied in bass and tune and all equally unashamed, despite what my co-worker would think of women. After I was done, I noticed the door to the conference room had been open the entire time and my supervisor was in there, working on performance reviews. Neither of us ever mentioned it. But she had to hear, she had to hear it all.
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Feb 15, 2019 06:32
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empty sea posted:I'm in a group chat with a few girls from work and one of them recently asked "this is a weird question, but could you suck air into your butthole to fart?" Her reasoning was that men liked to fart and women didn't so the men must be sucking in air to fart extra all the time and super loudly/proudly. I've heard of dudes who know how to do this. It could have been staged, but there was a guy named Will the farter, who performed this feat on the Howard Stern Show. Said his father taught him how. A fond fart related memory of mine, is the game "door knob." The rules consist of, if someone says doorknob after you rip rear end, you must be prepared to have your arm wailed on until you touch a doorknob. Generally, we only brought up the game once a year on the night of a sleepover before a weeklong scout summer camp. It would be fun at home, where doorknobs were plentiful, but once you were at scout camp, where the nearest doorknob was a good 15 minute walk away, the game would really ramp up, and you'd have to be a bit sneaker while farting, least some one screams, "Doorknob!" And races over and give you a good natured punch in the arm. Johnny-on-the-Spot fucked around with this message at 06:54 on Feb 15, 2019 |
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Feb 15, 2019 06:47
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I recently ate 3 rolls of Mentos and hooweee do they have a laxative effect Farted so bad I stunk myself out of the bedroom and my girlfriend instituted a no Mentos rule
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Feb 15, 2019 06:50
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So they're like the opposite of a freshmaker then.
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Feb 15, 2019 11:40
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QwertySanchez posted:So they're like the opposite of a freshmaker then. Well, you have to stick them up your rear end. 'BRRRRRAAAAaaaaaaAAAAAAPPPP!" "Ooh, is that peppermint?"
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Feb 15, 2019 14:26
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Johny-on-the-Spot posted:I've heard of dudes who know how to do this. It could have been staged, but there was a guy named Will the farter, who performed this feat on the Howard Stern Show. Said his father taught him how. The first well known professional farter could do this. His stage name was Le Petomaine. He had absolute disdain for fake farters, and exposed them onstage. There's a living English professional farter called Mr Methane who also "powers up" by sucking air into his rear end in a top hat. He tours the world with his show.I saw it in Australia a few years ago and I was most impressed by farting routines like Nuclear Explosion and 21 Gun Salute. I hope his talented butthole is still going strong.
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Feb 15, 2019 15:42
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BigBadSteve posted:The first well known professional farter could do this. His stage name was Le Petomaine. He had absolute disdain for fake farters, and exposed them onstage. these dudes are traveling the world and people pay to hear them fart into a microphone why do i even bother with existence
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Feb 15, 2019 15:44
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Mr Methane https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xb2oyY-qV6g
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Feb 15, 2019 16:06
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Jestery posted:I recently ate 3 rolls of Mentos and hooweee do they have a laxative effect I went to town on a bowl of mints not realizing they were breathsavers, which use sorbitol instead of sugar. That was a bad loving day. My insides hated me after that one.
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Feb 15, 2019 17:54
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https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nOsBYVaN17U
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Feb 15, 2019 19:25
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Look up Debbie the Queefer next.
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Feb 15, 2019 19:47
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My ex-wife, 5' 2" 115lbs and beautiful, would hold her farts the entire day. After work she'd come home, walk in the door, immediately lay on the ground on her stomach and would just let them rip for 30 seconds. BRAAPPP.... ugh.... BRAAPPPPP... usually laughing the whole time.
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Feb 16, 2019 00:07
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Skypie posted:these dudes are traveling the world and people pay to hear them fart into a microphone ...but enough about Dave Matthews Band
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Feb 16, 2019 00:24
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My pug, named Simon, proved that pugs are made of compressed farts. I had to have him put to sleep earlier today, and true to his nature, gave out with a truly long and impressive fart as he died. Farewell, Simon, may angels sing (fart) you to your rest.
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Feb 16, 2019 00:32
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Genesplicer posted:My pug, named Simon, proved that pugs are made of compressed farts.  fartdogHe sounded like a cool dog
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Feb 16, 2019 00:40
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awe man, i gotta dig up that story of the little dog that would get stuck under the blanket and fart and then whine and struggle to escape and you had to let him out of his self inflicted dutch oven peril
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Feb 16, 2019 00:45
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Genesplicer posted:My pug, named Simon, proved that pugs are made of compressed farts. I hope your buddy farted the whole way to dog heaven. Sorry man.
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Feb 16, 2019 00:46
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Genesplicer posted:My pug, named Simon, proved that pugs are made of compressed farts.  He's farting down on your right now.
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Feb 16, 2019 00:56
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Genesplicer posted:My pug, named Simon, proved that pugs are made of compressed farts. Is there a word for something that made you both sad and chuckle at the same time? RIP fartdog.
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Feb 16, 2019 00:59
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May Flights of Angels Fart Thee to Thy Rest
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Feb 16, 2019 01:27
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May god strike me dead the day I find farts not funny.
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Feb 16, 2019 01:51
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Genesplicer posted:My pug, named Simon, proved that pugs are made of compressed farts. I'm sorry about your dog. I'm glad he went out with one final blast to power him to doggie heaven, though.  hope you're okay.
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Feb 16, 2019 09:50
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not sure if they still make them but fiberone bars are nuts. i ate like 3 at once a long time ago when i used to work out. this isn't me, i just googled to make sure my experience wasn't isolated:  that dude sort of sums it up but seriously, if you want to make some youtube money start the "fiber one challenge". eat 3 or 4 of those goddawful things.
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Feb 16, 2019 10:24
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God speed, little puggo, that last blast propelled him straight to the pearly doggie door
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Feb 16, 2019 11:42
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no pubes yet sorry posted:not sure if they still make them but fiberone bars are nuts. i ate like 3 at once a long time ago when i used to work out. its this fiber called inulin that does this. it really wreaks havoc on most peoples digestive systems.
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Feb 16, 2019 17:50
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no pubes yet sorry posted:not sure if they still make them but fiberone bars are nuts. i ate like 3 at once a long time ago when i used to work out. I once hadn’t crapped for 3 days because my intestines are the worst, so I ate a box of those to get things moving. I think my apartment could have been declared an EPA superfund site. Just near-constant farts that smelled of a dumpster in the sun and dead raccoons. It was a living nightmare I was a little proud of myself.
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Feb 16, 2019 18:57
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https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZpoDNPnQW0s
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Feb 16, 2019 19:32
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