Star Citizen: Death of a Space Thread?

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Sarsapariller: Aug 14, 2015; Occasional vampire queen

Dolvak self-owns

# ? Dec 2, 2018 20:20

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# ? Jun 6, 2024 00:20

Scruffpuff: Dec 23, 2015; Fidelity. Wait, was I'm working on again?

Sarsapariller posted:

Dolvak self-owns

Imagine the time and mental pain he'd spare himself if he pushed back his chair, paused for a moment, and thought, "wait, maybe this game is bad."

He also pulls that poo poo where he can't possibly defend the game itself, so he sits there like a pedantic rear end in a top hat, waiting to catch people in technicalities, as if that somehow makes the game good. The "WELL ACKSHUALLLY" types are the loving worst. I have no idea how you interact with that cesspool and maintain sanity.

Scruffpuff fucked around with this message at 20:27 on Dec 2, 2018

# ? Dec 2, 2018 20:23

Dwesa: Jul 19, 2016; Maybe I'll go where I can see stars

Daztek posted:

Obsidian's teasing a new game to be announced at The Game Awards, december 6th

I guess only CIG can make game with more bugs than Obsidian.

# ? Dec 2, 2018 20:27

Morphix: May 21, 2003; by Reene

Scruffpuff posted:

Imagine the time and mental pain he'd spare himself if he pushed back his chair, paused for a moment, and thought, "wait, maybe this game is bad."

He also pulls that poo poo where he can't possibly defend the game itself, so he sits there like a pedantic rear end in a top hat, waiting to catch people in technicalities, as if that somehow makes the game good. The "WELL ACKSHUALLLY" types are the loving worst. I have no idea how you interact with that cesspool and maintain sanity.

he wouldn't have a 'cause' to internet rally behind

gamegate is dead
swjs are boring

whats an internet pedant to do but defend the Gaming Dream from haters?

# ? Dec 2, 2018 20:37

Sandepande: Aug 19, 2018

Morphix posted:

whats an internet pedant to do but defend the Gaming Dream from haters?

It is unfortunate that the dream resembles a nightmare.

# ? Dec 2, 2018 20:40

Beet Wagon: Oct 19, 2015

Vertisce seems to be having an extremely normal day and is definitely not boiling away his last handful of brain cells by tagging people into his argument with OSC in the bowels of a week old /gaming thread:

# ? Dec 2, 2018 20:40

Lack of Gravitas: Oct 11, 2012; Grimey Drawer

Dwesa posted:

I guess only CIG can make game with more bugs than Obsidian.

Obsidian? or are you thinking of Bethesda?

Fallout: New Vegas was buggy at release but I put that down to it using Bethesda's Creation Engine and Obsidian not being given enough time for testing, but I can't remember Pillars of Eternity or Tyranny being especially buggy when they were released :shrug:

# ? Dec 2, 2018 20:41

Mr.PayDay: Jan 2, 2004; life is short - play hard

Quavers posted:

X4 achievement:

And from the game's press release:

"A space simulation, played as an action game from the 1st person in a living breathing universe, X4: Foundations delivers the franchise's most sophisticated universe simulation ever. Players will manage an empire while exploring space in first person. They can FLY EVERY SHIP, TRADE and FIGHT to BUILD their empire with modular station construction and think carefully when embarking on an epic journey."

Poor Star Citizen

This has not a piece of the scale that the Star Citizen project is approaching so X4 only proves where the possibilities actually end when funding is limited.
Thank you for showing what amateur hour looks like.
X4 is good for Star Citizen.

# ? Dec 2, 2018 20:52

Scruffpuff: Dec 23, 2015; Fidelity. Wait, was I'm working on again?

Mr.PayDay posted:

This has not a piece of the scale that the Star Citizen project is approaching so X4 only proves where the possibilities actually end when funding is limited.
Thank you for showing what amateur hour looks like.
X4 is good for Star Citizen.

I'm so tempted to grab this game. Does it fall more into:

- Lone space adventurer, missions and stories
- Micromanagement sperg detail extravaganza
- Build your empire

I've watched trailers and twitch streams but apparently not enough.

Scruffpuff fucked around with this message at 21:09 on Dec 2, 2018

# ? Dec 2, 2018 21:06

trucutru: Jul 9, 2003; by Fluffdaddy

Scruffpuff posted:

This is important to reiterate. No matter how much the backers chant about $200 million, or $7 million, or whatever, it doesn't make a dent. The following situations are still true:

- CIG is in the red now to the tune of hundreds of millions of dollars
- CIG has no product
- CIG is years and years away from a product - how much further in the red will they be in by then?
- If CIG releases a product, how will they maintain a revenue stream that to date is mostly sunk cost and spite pledging, now that backers can see what their money is actually paying for?
- Will that release revenue stream allow them to pay off their incredible debt, much less send them into profitability? How many studio closures and layoffs will that entail?

This is unsustainable. Chris is banking on the belief that this is the next Star Wars. He thinks, like only a half-wit drooling idiot moron like him can, that his "lore" is good and deep and will create movies and books. He's calculating the net worth of his "creation" as hundreds of millions of dollars, even though its worth is actually a net negative. That belief is why this is continuing. In Chris-World, Disney is going to open up a Star Citizen theme park and 5 year old kids will buy an Idris toy and people around the world will know which one is the Banu Merchantman on sight. The fact that everything he's created is unimaginative copy/pasted plagiarized generic fraudelent poo poo that makes Chinese bootlegs look impressive by comparison is entirely lost on him.

Your points presume that they have no product, but they actually have a product. It's unfathomably bad and poo poo and barely a game, but it exists and they just have to pull the "release" switch to male it official, which is trivial. If at that point not a single extra dollar is ever thrown into the SC well it wouldn't matter, the game may crash and burn and the studio close but the millions the leadership must have surely extracted will be a good consolation price.

I doubt that, by this point, Chris believes the game will be anything more than what they already have, you can see the confidence and bravado from the starting years completely gone. Right now his plan seems to be to keep the music going for as long as possible. It must have been hard for him, since he has a big ego, but the dude is not completely blind.

Sure, Chris will probably never direct anything -game or film- again but so what? It's not like he was directing anything before he ran into all that money.

# ? Dec 2, 2018 21:09

Scruffpuff: Dec 23, 2015; Fidelity. Wait, was I'm working on again?

trucutru posted:

Your points presume that they have no product, but they actually have a product. It's unfathomably bad and poo poo and barely a game, but it exists and they just have to pull the "release" switch to male it official, which is trivial. If at that point not a single extra dollar is ever thrown into the SC well it wouldn't matter, the game may crash and burn and the studio close but the millions the leadership must have surely extracted will be a good consolation price.

I doubt that, by this point, Chris believe the game will be anything more than what they already have, you can see the confidence and bravado from the starting years completely gone. Right now his plan seems to be to keep the music going for as long as possible. It must have been hard for him, since he has a big ego, but the dude is not completely blind.

Sure, Chris will probably never direct anything -game or film- again but so what? It's not like he was directing anything before he ran into all that money.

Actually I agree with this assessment 100%. This bleeding, mangled animal is going to drag itself across whatever line Chris paints on the ground right in front of it, call it the finish line, and promptly die while the backers take victory laps in its place.

Not the end I foresaw exactly, and probably the least funny one, but it seems inevitable. Star Citizen will miraculously reach "official launch" at the exact moment it has to for external reasons, and not due to any internal development milestone.

# ? Dec 2, 2018 21:11

Drunk Theory: Aug 20, 2016; Oven Wrangler

Scruffpuff posted:

Not the end I foresaw exactly, and probably the least funny one, but it seems inevitable. Star Citizen will miraculously reach "official launch" at the exact moment it has to for external reasons, and not due to any internal development milestone.

Hmm, I thought you had followed more trainwrecks similar to this. This is how these things typically end unfortunately, not in huge collapses, ELEs, or lawsuits, but in a slow wet fart of a release.
OUYA, Wildstar, SOTA, that Underworld game I can't remember the full name of. It's all ends pretty samey.

# ? Dec 2, 2018 21:21

Mr.PayDay: Jan 2, 2004; life is short - play hard

trucutru posted:

Your points presume that they have no product, but they actually have a product. It's unfathomably bad and poo poo and barely a game, but it exists and they just have to pull the "release" switch to male it official, which is trivial.

Okay, we love to make fun of the Cults denial and ignorance every page in the SC threads since 4 years now, but do you really believe Chris would �survive� a sudden launch on let�s say March 1st 2019 with just another PTU Update and no SQ42?

I can�t imagine even the most toxic SC believers would accept a release soon or within the next few months.
They are so loving far behind and on their way to a quarter of a BILLION Dollars around summer 2020 (Mark my words).
The product is not even near close an alpha state so I disagree, they can�t pull a release switch to make it official in the next 2 years imo.
Why should they, the funding won�t stop anyway.

# ? Dec 2, 2018 21:30

Scruffpuff: Dec 23, 2015; Fidelity. Wait, was I'm working on again?

Drunk Theory posted:

Hmm, I thought you had followed more trainwrecks similar to this. This is how these things typically end unfortunately, not in huge collapses, ELEs, or lawsuits, but in a slow wet fart of a release.
OUYA, Wildstar, SOTA, that Underworld game I can't remember the full name of. It's all ends pretty samey.

I don't follow too many of these, but in this case it's the sheer scope of the ineptitude, and the incredible spectacle of backers defending the indefensible. Like Sarsa's link earlier to the dude who had to call someone else out on a loving technicality of his phrase, ignoring the game entirely, because the only way to see Star Citizen in a positive light is to not see it at all. I realize we're sharing the Bad Timeline we split off into a few years ago, but it's still amazing to me. This dwarfs even Theranos in my book because of the sheer number of people who should, should, have been able to spot it from light-years away. Sarsa even bought back in because he wanted it so badly and thought maybe it could happen, and even he, the closest thing to a believer we have, had to see the unfortunate reality even though it made him feel grief.

That CIG is claiming millions of people can't see that reality, and can't see what Chris actually is, is downright scary if it's true. This wasn't investors ignorant of science (Theranos) or a black box few people got to look inside (Enron) - this is a loving video game with free-fly weekends and in-your-face marketing and visibility. That their Refuge in Audacity ploy worked this well is just something I'll never not find incredible.

# ? Dec 2, 2018 21:31

Citcon: Aug 31, 2018; by R. Guyovich

Legally, Alpha and beta have 0 meaning. You give CIG money and recieve a product. Its as simple as that. Most of that 200 million is already earned. Only things that could realistically be argued in court are SQ42 preorders and MAYBE unreleased ships. And that is ONLY if a court decides to ignore the EULA. And it only goes to court if CIG somehow loses arbitration.

# ? Dec 2, 2018 21:44

Daztek: Jun 2, 2006

Citcon posted:

Legally, Alpha and beta have 0 meaning. You give CIG money and recieve a product. Its as simple as that. Most of that 200 million is already earned. Only things that could realistically be argued in court are SQ42 preorders and MAYBE unreleased ships. And that is ONLY if a court decides to ignore the EULA. And it only goes to court if CIG somehow loses arbitration.

at what point does one show cig their balls

# ? Dec 2, 2018 21:46

Dementropy: Aug 23, 2010

# ? Dec 2, 2018 21:48

Citcon: Aug 31, 2018; by R. Guyovich

Daztek posted:

at what point does one show cig their balls

Discovery

# ? Dec 2, 2018 21:48

Rugganovich: Apr 29, 2017

DapperDon posted:

Can anyone explain to me why Crobbers thinks all space jackets need a single shoulderpad? I just don't understand early 90's game design.

2 shoulder pads was the 80's, one shoulder pad was the 90's.

# ? Dec 2, 2018 21:49

Rugganovich: Apr 29, 2017

Citcon posted:

Legally, Alpha and beta have 0 meaning. You give CIG money and recieve a product. Its as simple as that. Most of that 200 million is already earned. Only things that could realistically be argued in court are SQ42 preorders and MAYBE unreleased ships. And that is ONLY if a court decides to ignore the EULA. And it only goes to court if CIG somehow loses arbitration.

They've also got to produce the physical items as advertised in the initial kickstarter/pledge campaign.

# ? Dec 2, 2018 21:51

trucutru: Jul 9, 2003; by Fluffdaddy

Beet Wagon posted:

Vertisce seems to be having an extremely normal day and is definitely not boiling away his last handful of brain cells by tagging people into his argument with OSC in the bowels of a week old /gaming thread:

Vertisce against OSC is like that unstoppable idiot vs unmovable dolt paradox.

# ? Dec 2, 2018 21:54

Drunk Theory: Aug 20, 2016; Oven Wrangler

Rugganovich posted:

They've also got to produce the physical items as advertised in the initial kickstarter/pledge campaign.

Do they, do they really? I'd like to reference nylon bags as a recent example.

# ? Dec 2, 2018 21:56

Scruffpuff: Dec 23, 2015; Fidelity. Wait, was I'm working on again?

Drunk Theory posted:

Do they, do they really? I'd like to reference nylon bags as a recent example.

The court accepts the offered nylon bags into evidence. Please place them next to the ironclad TOS and Chris's toupee.

# ? Dec 2, 2018 21:57

a mysterious cloak: Apr 5, 2003; Leave me alone, dad, I'm with my friends!

trucutru posted:

I doubt that, by this point, Chris believes the game will be anything more than what they already have, you can see the confidence and bravado from the starting years completely gone. Right now his plan seems to be to keep the music going for as long as possible.

I noticed that too. I watched hatever the last video was that was posted in here (a recent one), and then happened to see one from early, early on.

This dude knows he's hosed.

Watching robo-Sandi phone it in during those videos is hilarious, too - it's so obvious she doesn't give two shits as long as she gets her money. I'd love to be a fly on the wall at their house.

# ? Dec 2, 2018 21:59

Sarsapariller: Aug 14, 2015; Occasional vampire queen

God I love it when Citizens have to post outside the bubble

# ? Dec 2, 2018 22:02

Citcon: Aug 31, 2018; by R. Guyovich

Rugganovich posted:

They've also got to produce the physical items as advertised in the initial kickstarter/pledge campaign.

Ah true that too. But in the scheme of things thats not a ton of money. As far as the game is concerned they are golden. Thier site is absolutely plastered with "WIP, subject to change" so you can't claim false advertising.

# ? Dec 2, 2018 22:04

trucutru: Jul 9, 2003; by Fluffdaddy

Mr.PayDay posted:

Okay, we love to make fun of the Cults denial and ignorance every page in the SC threads since 4 years now, but do you really believe Chris would �survive� a sudden launch on let�s say March 1st 2019 with just another PTU Update and no SQ42?

March 1st 2019 is pretty close so it is unlikely they would need to launch by then but even so, yes, I believe he (Chris, not the game) would survive that. They can just drop whatever they have, including an incomplete SQ42 game with like one buggy mission, and do the whole "welp, we aimed for the moon and didn't quite make it, at least we tried. Thank you guys".

Who cares if the backers accept it or not, they gave money with a single string attached: the release of the game. Well, the game has been released, it sucks, deal with it.

Mr.PayDay posted:

The product is not even near close an alpha state so I disagree, they can�t pull a release switch to make it official in the next 2 years imo.
Why should they, the funding won�t stop anyway.

Yes they can pull the switch before the game is out of alpha. But they'll only do so if they are forced to, and quite frankly, they won't be forced to for many, many years unless something big changes.

# ? Dec 2, 2018 22:10

Solarin: Nov 15, 2007

Sarsapariller posted:

Day Eight- The Final Day- Random rear end Ships And Stuff I Didn't Cover Before

Today's poo poo is a wholly uninteresting collection of ground vehicles and small ships. If you really want a review here it is: they all suck and there's no gameplay attached to them, don't buy them. Okay now that that's out of the way, I want to take this space to review some of the ships I haven't covered so far, because they aren't released. Included in this collection are some of the most outrageous fuckups that CIG has ever managed. Prepare yourself, for the grand finale of Sarsapariller's Sassy Ship Sperging!

Tumbril Nova
Price: 105 real dollars
Guns: Tanky gun
Speed: Ground Vehicle
Can It Do Anything Other Than Fight: It can serve as block housing for up to 6 families
Reviewer's Thoughts: As we're going to discuss, CIG got really into land and territory claims once they had procedural planets in the game. Like, way way into it. Like they kind of forgot that Star Citizen was a game about space for about a year, and it's not clear that they've remembered yet. They started selling land claim beacons and rovers and bikes and all kinds of happy horseshit that doesn't do anything because there is no persistence and you can't own anything for longer than one restart and none of it is in the game anyway. This is where the Tumbril Nova comes in. In any other game this would be the novelty tank that you encounter in a single level and pilot through the city, blowing up Covenant dropships and shouting OOO-RAH at the marines as you ride by. In Star Citizen this is a 105 dollar purchase. You are going to need these to protect your "Land investment" you see. From, uh, bandits. Why would anyone buy this when it would stand to reason that a landlocked vehicle is going to be extremely vulnerable to spaceships, the one thing everybody in the game has? Shut up, stop asking questions, buy the new thing. Anyway CIG hosed up, as is tradition, and all of the concept art for this thing depicts it as being roughly two to three times the size of a house. Seriously it is a tank that looks like it would not fit on any city street in the world. It is a tank with multiple stories on the interior. No ship in the game can carry this. Don't worry, though! CIG solved that problem by selling an entirely new ship just for carrying this loving tank. It is the H2 Hercules and I do not cover it here, because I just told you everything you need to know about it in one sentence.

Aegis Redeemer
Price: 250 imaginary dollars
Guns: This ship will never be released
Speed: Chris personally hates it
Reviewer's Thoughts: Before we delve into the final madness of CIG let's take a trip back to the Halcyon days of 2013-2014, and a little show called The Next Great Starship. See, at the time Chris's whims had turned to American reality television for some godforsaken reason, and obviously what he needed to do was host like 6 months of a show where a bunch of fans competed, for free, to make assets for his unreleased game that they had all already paid for. Their objective was to make a gunship and (and here was the critical mistake) Chris would let the "Community" vote on the final winners. Well it turned out there were some really talented people in his community, and also some less-talented ones, and some that were talented but only knew how to make anime ships, and also some pedophiles. The pedo posted on our very own forums briefly before he was arrested and that is all I will say about that. But long story short, the anime people narrowly won the contest, and the redeemer was the ship they delivered. It looks nothing like anything else in the Aegis lineup. Its engines are giant hair clippers and don't make any sense. It is loving loaded with enough guns, missiles, and turrets to make a Super Hornet blush. It has also not seen the light of day since the end of the show. They sold it, per their agreement with the community, then they buried it and will never discuss it again. CIG hates this ship. Presumably because it actually kind of cool, but (I suspect) because it is the one ship in the game that did not spring fully-formed from Chris's sweaty balding head. So it's safe to take giant shits on internally. But yeah this was basically it for community engagement- after this, CIG swore off any kind of public fan-input ever again.

Genesis Starliner
Price: More than an airline ticket, 400 dollars
Guns: All passenger liners should come with guns
Speed: LA to NY in 15 minutes
Reviewer's Thoughts: Okay back to the more fevered recent era. CIG decided to sell a space airliner. Okay, cool you say, not for me but I can see why passenger transport would be a thing in their universe and why not sell the model, it's not like it could expand gameplay enormously. Whoah there buckaroo. Holster that assumption cannon! They sold an entire novel of airline gameplay with this thing. See, it's not enough that you have a ship with NPC's on it. You need to keep them happy. You need to serve them drinks. You need to make sure your blade servers are set up with the latest entertainment so that they don't get upset! You think I'm kidding. Do I need to remind you of the space farm and particle collider? CIG had completely detached from reality at this point, waving hands and promising poo poo to make a quick buck was how they did. Lest you think I am loving kidding, here is the original pitch. Flight attendants! Medical diagnosis! Luxury seating and upgradeably liquors! THE MIXMASTER! Anyway I probably don't need to tell you, but this ship hasn't come out and it probably won't ever come out. CIG can't even get NPC's to stand still without t-posing and dying. Imagine trying to fill a moving ship with a hundred of them.

Pioneer
Price: 850 colony-founding dollars
Guns: Fuuuuuck I don't care
Speed: I'm sure it will take 2+ hours to get anywhere
Reviewer's Thoughts: Back to land claims. Here's the ship that literally can build outposts. Why would you need to do that? What function do outposts serve? Can you have more than one? Is it persistent after you log out? WHY DO YOU NEED OUTPOSTS SERIOUSLY? gently caress you, stop asking questions, Future Chris will handle all of this, don't worry so much. It's big and it looks like a homeworld ship and it can land on planets and leave little buildings! loving buy it! So with the Pioneer we've gone from "Spaceship game in space" to "Spaceship game with planets" to "Planet game, focused on the planets, with some spaceships enabling the planet-based gameplay." Why? Who was clamoring for the planet stuff? Nobody, but Chris had an engineer who was able to make procedural planets work in Cryengine, so that is what Star Citizen is now- a game about procedural planets and owning them, I guess. Hence all the content just released, and about to be released, and why it is all just planets planets planets. The pioneer cost 850 dollars and hasn't been seen since the initial sale. I don't think they even mentioned it during this expo. But the North remembers. Oh yes.

Origin 890 Jump
Price: 890 dollars haha get it that's the name of the ship it's a number we just loving made up and it coincides with the price what a coincidence
Guns: Not nearly enough
Speed: Not nearly enough
Reviewer's Thoughts: Citizens please buy one of these. It makes it so much easier to figure out which of you needs to be relentlessly griefed. So. Chris likes trains. He likes formula 1, he likes gritty space rebels, he likes car dealerships, he likes navies and saluting and admirals. You will find all of these things in Star Citizen. But the one thing Chris loving loves? More than anything else in the whole goddamn world? So much that it has infested Star Citizen with a bunch of useless cluttered poo poo? Luxury yachts. There is nothing in this world Chris loves more than a big rear end useless multi-million-dollar luxury yacht with all the fixin's. He has like 4 of these stupid loving things in the game, as well- pretty much the entire Origin lineup, plus the Constellation Phoenix, are all "Luxury." And they don't loving do anything! They're just white, and wood-panelled, in a game about grungy spacemen! But this thing- oh, this 890 jump- this is the crown jewel. For literally 900 of your dollars, you can own a frigate-sized monument to your limitless ego and inability to perceive value. What can it do? It can luxury. It's got big windows! It has, uh... it's white! It has wood paneling! It has virtually no defenses and is probably slow as poo poo! If I see you in this thing I will dedicate my evening to making you upset!

luxury

NO, MORE LUXURY

DID I loving STUTTER I SAID LUXURY I DON'T CARE IF IT SERVES NO GAMEPLAY PURPOSE

Idris P And M
Price: 1000-1750 can't-even-make-a-joke-about-it dollars
Guns: All the best guns
Speed: None
Reviewer's Thoughts: God I'm tired of writing about spaceships and it's only been 8 days. Imagine how the fuckers at CIG must feel after 6 years! Anyway we're in the home stretch now. The Idris M is the grand-daddy of the whale ships. It was originally sold as a ONE TIME ONLY MILITARY VERSION WE WILL NEVER SELL THIS AGAIN in a lot of 100, at 1000 dollars per ship. I don't know why. I guess Chris needed a hundred grand at the tables that day and cashing in some of this stuff was the best way to do it. Of course, it was never that exclusive. For the first two years, you could message the concierge service and they'd just straight-up sell you one of these eventually. This was what prompted the grey market in the first place. People were apeshit to buy this thing and too impatient to wait. You could turn around and sell it for 3-4x what you paid for it. I did this with one and made a cool 3k profit off of it. CIG wasn't having that, though- they wanted their cut of the idiot whale money and behind-the-scenes sales were not going to do it. So they made the Idris-P. It was the exact same ship, but worse- missing the railgun, missing a couple bigger guns- and for more money- 1,250 dollars. See it turns out there's some law in the EU that prevents you from exchanging digital goods over 1000 dollars in value. So the Idris M was "Giftable" between accounts, but the Idris P, at just slightly past the limit, was not! So sad backers, nothing we can do about it! Naturally the "Worse but for more money" ship sold like hotcakes. They eventually started locking the original behind high-level packages, so if you spent 10k or whatever on Star Citizen you could net yourself one, because why spend 1k when you could multiply that by 10? Anyway it's been 6 years and this ship isn't out because it's a flying skyscraper/aircraft carrier and nothing about their engine can handle it. This ship Expo was the first time that a static model was placed in the game alongside players. It's not coming out, it's never coming out, give Chris Roberts all your money etc.

Javelin
Price: 3000 dollars but that's just for starters
Guns: More guns than the loving Idris that's for sure, what a pleb ship
Speed: Actually negative
Reviewer's Thoughts: We need to go deeper. More P2W than a 1000 dollar capital ship. What about... a three thousand dollar ship that you have to pay 5,000 just to get the option to buy? Oh yes. I don't know if that's still the case, but originally the Javelin was only offered to super-duper megawhales. It is a destroyer, or something, who cares. It has all the guns and it's like two miles long and it takes more people to run it than CIG has ever demonstrated they can fit on a single server. It costs 5,000 just to look at the store page and 3,000 just to buy. You probably need to co-sign a loan with Chris just to sniff this thing's farts. It costs more than some people make in a year, it will never be released, and if it was it would serve no gameplay function except to just sit there because there is no game mechanic requiring this. What are you gonna loving do, fly it to an asteroid field and hunt bandits? Motherfucker this ship is bigger than Port Olisar. How do you even propose that players spawn this monstrosity? Nothing about this makes sense. Hundreds of artists are going to spend a year just to do the interior of this ship, that like 15 morons in the entire world will ever own, and you know every one of them is so repugnant they're never going to get a crew for it. But we're not loving done yet.

Anvil F8 Lightning
Price: Ten. Thousand. Dollars.
Guns: Lots of em
Speed: Faster than a wireless transaction between your bank and Chris's wallet
Reviewer's Thoughts: Deeper. This is it, this is as whale as it gets. The F8 Lightning was the final, gotta-have-it ultimate supership at the end of Squadron 42, the game of mocap and missed deadlines. In the old Wing Commander games there was always some ludicrously OP ship that the player got towards game's end that could kill like 100 other fighters without a scratch. Chris, understanding that this would be extremely poor game design to have in his multiplayer dog-fight MMO, committed publicly on camera in numerous places that players would not see or be able to buy this ship until they finished SQ42. Well, that lasted 3 of 4 years which is practically a record in Chris-land, but eventually a whole big pile of internal poo poo was leaked including models for this fighter, and CIG kind of gave up the fight. A year or so after that, surprise! There's a ten thousand dollar pack in the store, and if you buy it the big extra-special reward is.... this fighter! Don't worry, it's not P2W. I mean, you did pay. You paid so very much. And you're going to win- believe us, if you don't win we will alter the game until you do, at that kind of price. But it cannot be conclusively proven that you paid just to win. So, checkmate haters! Back in reality, it is kind of surprising that this is the final ship in the whale lineup, but I think they'd kind of run out of capital ships to overpromise and under-deliver on at the point that this was sold. This thing will, inevitably be the most ludicrously OP fighter in the game. Which means that once people can earn it in-game, it will be the only fighter anyone ever uses. Every other ship will have to be balanced around this piece of poo poo, or be rendered instantly irrelevant. This thing is the literal death knell of any kind of balance or gameplay ever existing in Star Citizen. The end game is just going to be this fighter, whichever trade ship can carry the most cargo, and whichever capital ship can shoot this fighter the best (or, if none of them can... just more of this fighter). That's it. Look upon your works, ye Future Chris's, and despair.

Parp shitizen is a scam

thanks for the jpeg review. I've been laughing at this bad video game for a few years and a lot of this detail was new to me.

:sandance:

# ? Dec 2, 2018 22:13

Solarin: Nov 15, 2007

thinking about that bagel carrier

# ? Dec 2, 2018 22:23

Mr.Tophat: Apr 7, 2007; You clearly don't understand joke development

trucutru posted:

Pack it up derekailures, it's should be pretty clear by now that, barring somebody like coutts or crytek dealing with this bullshit, this train is not going to ever stop. Choo-Choo 2 weeks!

The fans have already developed antibodies against every red flag, and will ecstatically lick every single last drop of poo poo that slowly comes dripping out of Chris' dilated anus.

OCS server-meshing local physics grids death of a spaceman fidelity pipeline!

Finally, FUD has been crushed and the oroborus will never want for food. A Christmas Miracle.

# ? Dec 2, 2018 22:23

colonelwest: Jun 30, 2018

Scruffpuff posted:

Actually I agree with this assessment 100%. This bleeding, mangled animal is going to drag itself across whatever line Chris paints on the ground right in front of it, call it the finish line, and promptly die while the backers take victory laps in its place.

Not the end I foresaw exactly, and probably the least funny one, but it seems inevitable. Star Citizen will miraculously reach "official launch" at the exact moment it has to for external reasons, and not due to any internal development milestone.

There will be a long and hilarious afterlife after CIG shuts down too, as the most broke brained whales run their own servers and try to mod their dreams into existence. I mean there are people who still haven't given up on loving Toontown Online.

# ? Dec 2, 2018 22:27

Lord Stimperor: Jun 13, 2018; I'm a lovable meme.

I really loved Sarsaparilla's ship reviews, read through all of them.

Shame they didn't do the 300i, though. The luxury space BMW to impress your space girlfriend with, except it has only one seat. And a huge empty room in the back. And a connecting corridor you have to crouch in because it's too small. But still large enough to fit a fold-out bed.

# ? Dec 2, 2018 22:27

Mr.Tophat: Apr 7, 2007; You clearly don't understand joke development

colonelwest posted:

I mean there are people who still haven't given up on loving Toontown Online.

I want to know if Dip features.

No.

I need to know.

# ? Dec 2, 2018 22:28

SoftNum: Mar 31, 2011

colonelwest posted:

There will be a long and hilarious afterlife after CIG shuts down too, as the most broke brained whales run their own servers and try to mod their dreams into existence.

Yeah I can't wait for them to try and hire programming services to "Fix OCS" or fix any number of the other things cig invented/cheated. I'm sure they'll pay in space ships... (It's worth $3000!)

Also I think I've said this before but the community fracturing over servers that allow open ship access and ships that enforce ship ownership is going to be hilarious.

# ? Dec 2, 2018 22:30

Scruffpuff: Dec 23, 2015; Fidelity. Wait, was I'm working on again?

colonelwest posted:

There will be a long and hilarious afterlife after CIG shuts down too, as the most broke brained whales run their own servers and try to mod their dreams into existence. I mean there are people who still haven't given up on loving Toontown Online.

Or just disbelieve that it's gone.

An inquisitive sperg posted:

JumpGate Evolution Died ? lol, i was wondering what happened to this game, never seen it before or even heard of its existance in beta, did they run out of money?

Basically an SC backer posted:

I refuse to believe it is cancelled and am still holding out. (/crosses arms and holds breath)

# ? Dec 2, 2018 22:32

Sarsapariller: Aug 14, 2015; Occasional vampire queen

Lord Stimperor posted:

I really loved Sarsaparilla's ship reviews, read through all of them.

Shame they didn't do the 300i, though. The luxury space BMW to impress your space girlfriend with, except it has only one seat. And a huge empty room in the back. And a connecting corridor you have to crouch in because it's too small. But still large enough to fit a fold-out bed.

Yeah I wasn't home on the day they did Origin unfortunately. Don't worry though- the 300i is getting a complete rework! Just like every other ship they've ever sold! Over and over again, forever!

# ? Dec 2, 2018 22:33

Frog Act: Feb 10, 2012

the most beautiful part of the inevitable crash will be people attempting to reconcile their fantasies of returns with the reality that there is no longer a grey market for them to exploit and their digital items aren't even worth a pittance anymore. it's happening in SOTA right now and that is the worst community imaginable, so its very schadenfreude laced

# ? Dec 2, 2018 22:33

Mr.Tophat: Apr 7, 2007; You clearly don't understand joke development

Just make SC have turn based combat and ship it already.

# ? Dec 2, 2018 22:33

trucutru: Jul 9, 2003; by Fluffdaddy

I mean, even the lies have gotten less outrageous nowadays.

2018: Pocket Carrier ($1400)
2017: Motherfucking base-building ship. ($850)
2016: Answer the call, 3.0 by December. The main ship was the Polaris, ($750)
2015: Farm/Science/Exploration/Particle-Accelerator (~$450 for a version)

The trend is that as the ships get less ambitious (with the exception of the Polaris, which is meh), they become larger and more expensive. They have frigates, corvettes and destroyers so soon enough they'll just sell some cruiser with big guns, ask for $4500 ('cuz the destroyer is $3000) and call it a day.

The project is obviously dialing-down on the expectations, but charging more than ever for them.

trucutru fucked around with this message at 22:36 on Dec 2, 2018

# ? Dec 2, 2018 22:33

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# ? Jun 6, 2024 00:20

Scruffpuff: Dec 23, 2015; Fidelity. Wait, was I'm working on again?

SoftNum posted:

Yeah I can't wait for them to try and hire programming services to "Fix OCS" or fix any number of the other things cig invented/cheated. I'm sure they'll pay in space ships... (It's worth $3000!)

Also I think I've said this before but the community fracturing over servers that allow open ship access and ships that enforce ship ownership is going to be hilarious.

Knowing backers, the fracture will be even bigger than we think. I can easily picture the ones who want to enforce ship ownership moving aggressively against the servers that allow open access. It won't be an issue of "lol it's cool play your way" it'll be an issue of "I don't want a server to even EXIST that allows anyone to fly the ship that I ~~got robbed~~ pledged for" followed by a that Kazan-level attempt at a config-file hack DDOS attack that a $100 D-Link router effortlessly repels.

# ? Dec 2, 2018 22:34

The Something Awful Forums > Archives > Comedy Goldmine > The Goodmine > Star Citizen: Death of a Space Thread?

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