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does it have to be from me or can i write one on behalf of a friend
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Dec 12, 2018 14:12
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Dear Greatfather Necksmasher,, I like to think I have been a good Orc this year. If you agree that I have, what I want most are three things- - Eternal war on this plane of existence so that I may always have a conflict to forge my strengths and never be bored. - True faithful companions to watch my back and help me out as needed in said conflict. - A ready supply of money and good food to keep me and said companions alive & in good health. I may have these things already but their permanence is never a certainty. Thus I ask you to help guarantee them for me. And for all the Horde! Sincerely, Mikrog Bootgrinder, Orc Warlock 1st Class of Clan Bleeding Skull.
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Dec 12, 2018 14:24
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Mors Rattus posted:does it have to be from me or can i write one on behalf of a friend You can totally write one on behalf of a friend! (or fictional entity, the Greatfathers don't care!)
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Dec 12, 2018 14:24
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Dear GreaTFaTher neCKsmasher I haV ben Vere GuD noT Go on CarPeT or In FuD bol I Du noT WanT muCh JusD orC FrenD oF mI oWn orC FrenDs all Gon sIns Furs Wor mIss orC FrenDs love nd GuD WIshs A GuD BoY
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Dec 12, 2018 14:50
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Dear greatfather necksmasher, Do these wizards ever shut up? gently caress me, I could use a drink. Signed, The dude in the other cell next to you.
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Dec 12, 2018 15:18
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Dear Greatfather Ruku Firefist, This year I have been an excellent comrade of the proletariat(what the bourgeois running dogs would like to call a "peon" or "peasant") who has achieved all of his production goals(including the timely construction of Comrade Chairman Gary's new castle! Long life to Chairman Gary!). Therefore I would appeal to the Central Yuletide Committee to supply us with the following: -A true worker's revolution across all of Azeroth and Draenor -An end to the bourgeois traditions of aristocracy -That Comrade Chairman Gary's non-existent and entirely theoretical secret police do not notice the gold I have hidden in my mattress Signed, Comrade PurpleXVI
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Dec 12, 2018 15:37
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Dear "Greatfather" Ruku Reckless Firefist, I represent the Law Offices of Beerman, Axsmith & Brewer as staff attorney assigned to our clients, Gillum and Gretchen Magmasson. Please find enclosed a summons to The High Court of the Undermountain in front of the King's Ministry of Reckoning to answer for my client's claims of Breach of Good Faith, Reckless Endangerment, Intentional Infliction of Emotional Distress, Assault, Battery, Property Damage through Negligent Arson and a variety of smaller offenses. This is in regards to the events of [insert Warcraft dating system here], whereupon my clients attempted to hire you and your clan to perform demolition services at the Magnusson's adamantium mine. Instead of negotiating terms and prices, your cousin Snorri became drunk and exploded himself to prove the "efftacashy" of your clans methods "yoo stopid Wildmrrrs", ending in the loss of several storage facilities and the mines beerhall. Further incidents occurred. I respectfully request your reply to the Court by this Winterveil. Gnors Gunderrsson, Esq. Attorney at Law
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Dec 12, 2018 15:41
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Dear Greatfather Necksmasher, Ordinarily, I'd be writing to an Alliance Greatfather, but recent events have made that...difficult. I think my merits speak for themselves: I've recently sanitized a certain city, slain a certain demon (something you have some experience with yourself, from what I hear,) and given my soldiers a nice, permanent home in the north. I'm on my way back home with some...friends, but I need a little something for the eventual welcome ceremony. See, I've recently found my self getting bored with the usual blue and gold, so I'd like to do a bit of an image shift: to do that, I'm going to need a long, flowing black coat, a pair of furred black greaves with a skull on each of them (I hear the Horde has a things for skulls, so this shouldn't be too hard a request,) leggings in the shape of a rib cage (kind of gaudy, honestly, but it's better to go all out with this sort of thing,) pauldrons in the shape of a skull outfitted with some spikes (please keep the spikes of reasonable length; the last smith made the spikes a little on the short side, but it's easy to overdue this sort of thing,) and a gauntlet pair with, yes, yet more skulls. Please make all the accessory items silver if possible, but any sufficiently shiny and metallic looking material will do. I know all this might take some time, but I promise, you're going to love the results. Sincerely, Arthas. P.S. An acquaintance of yours said you should consider going up to Northrend yourself so he can tell you what he wants personally. He says it involves plenty of killing, if that helps.
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Dec 12, 2018 18:27
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Dear Greatfather Necksmasher I'm writing to you from the future, whereupon we have many convuluted methods (for instance, caves) to deliver people and/or artifacts backwards into our history. That said, and I hope it's not too late, but you absolutely need to stop Gul'dan before it's too late. If he's not stopped, he'll betray the Horde, then in death serve as a nigh-endless series of magical baubles to affect both Azeroth and Draenor, culminating in the shattering of Draenor itself! And then probably other stuff, too. He's a powerful warlock in command of fel magicks. As opposed to the old necromancers, who used fel magics. Anyway, I hope this letter reaches you in time before a series of increasingly improbable events prevents you from taking action to either stop Gul'dan, or failing that, killing Nerzhul and altering the course of our people's history. Yours in Doomhammer, Throk, Grunt
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Dec 13, 2018 00:47
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To whoever it may concern, Attached to this letter is a package containing 1 pair of headphones, purchase order #238843, and as mentioned on the previous letter, it was broken like that when it came in, and I'm requesting a replacement to be delivered to the same address it was originally delivered. I have also attached a copy of the receipt and the issues form, but I don't know why I even bothered to fill that one up because the situation the item is in is just obviously deplorable. While I will be content to receive a 1-to-1 replacement, I have to say that these delays have been very taxing on my patience, and I will take appropriate measures if this situation is not resolved post-haste. Thanks, HDD
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Dec 13, 2018 01:17
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Dear Me, Yes. Me. Nigel Necksmasher. Look, some shamans that I've been talking to have said that they can get this letter to myself in the past somehow. Naturally I responded to this revelation by drinking myself into a stupor before I came up with a brilliant plan that can't go wrong - after all, I will be the one executing it! The shamans in question kept telling me something about "temporal paradoxes" and "alternate timelines" but honestly I tuned them out after the first few seconds of whatever they were talking about. Also for some reason they were insistent that the letter had to come in on Winter Veil for uh...reasons. Anyway, attached to this letter is a set of documents detailing in precise detail the course of history over the next few years as well as my...modifications that should ensure that not only will we end up as Warchief, but we'll have humans to fight for the rest of our days! Also there's a great recipe for ale I sneaked in at the end. No need to thank me. Just be sure that no one else gets their hands on these documents. Including Bloodgut. Especially Bloodgut. He tried to talk me out of doing this with the usual "you're insane, Chieftain!" thing, but we both know how that goes am I right? And if all goes well, we'll get a proper Winter Veil gift of total domination. To a future filled with me, (Future) Nigel Necksmasher Dr. Snark fucked around with this message at 05:26 on Dec 13, 2018 |
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Dec 13, 2018 05:24
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All of you are fantastic, and I am looking forward to the replies that each letter will be getting. Also, fingers crossed that I finish up this Human Science Theater 3000 update for this weekend! I have to go hand out some awards and also dress up as Santa Claus for some pre-schools, but I think there should be some time set aside for getting that done!
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Dec 13, 2018 13:04
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Azzur posted:I have to dress up as Santa Claus... Pictures please! 
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Dec 13, 2018 13:16
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achtungnight posted:Pictures please! This one isn't so much fun as getting to go through a parade dressed as a samurai. I don't want to turn this into a thread about my adventures, as much as my ego would love it. Just picture a mall Santa, but in Japan instead of a mall.
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Dec 14, 2018 00:35
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Ok, good reasons. Sorry, fanboy enthusiasm. Never mind. And to make this thread relevant- quote:Dear Greatfather Firefist,
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Dec 14, 2018 00:53
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 Human Science Theater 3000: Part Two   : Alright, we just left off with Khadgar meeting with Medivh for the first time. History in the making! : Cap'n... I don't think this is gonna go th' way yer thinkin'. : ...Red vines.: Ach! We're all out, Gare-bear! : Fear not, King Gareth Woodsbane. I have brought snow caps. A creation of mine: rough chunks of permafrost with a little dash of sugar. Quite delectable.: Where did you even get snow out here? I... you know what? Nevermind.: ...Passable.  : What?!: Yeah, Cap'n, ya think tha' wizards like it when ya look at their books?: I do not even appreciate it when you are within my personal space. : This seems a little excessive. And Sir Lothar is okay with this?: If ye remember correctly, Lothar was pretty alright with throwin' th' mage around last time.: These seem like very different men from what I know.: Though Medivh is...?: Very much in keeping with what I know of him.  : Well, I learned a lesson here.: Magic sucks?: Hey!: Well, more along the lines of, “don't touch a wizard's spell book.”   : And that Lothar was sort of a dick. : So to recap-: ...Please do not.: A dead body was found, afflicted by the fel. Khadgar was there, investigating the bodies.: Fer some reason.: Khadgar says that they need to see Medivh and... Medivh says he needs to see the king. : A good summation.: ...Stop talking. : Wow. Impressive. Smack dab in the center of the throne room.: This is exactly why my research requires more funding! Imagine if that were in the “smack dab” of an orc.: There's so much wrong with that sentence grammatically and ethically.  : Y'know... I can't help but notice... : ...that in all this talkin'... : ...no one has mentioned th' drat fel! Wasn't tha' th' whole point o' getting' Medivh?!: He's still the Guardian, Ruku. So he has to protect Azeroth.: From what? You humans find a dead body, freak out because a sneak-mage-: Lord Khadgar.: -claims it was killed by eeeeevil magic and you need Medivh! But no one knows what the hell it is yet!: Well...: Cap'n, from a tactical stand point, would ye waste all this time when ye don't even know what you're wastin' th' time fer?: I think my track record shows that, yes... yes, I would. But it's not like they're going to launch an attack on an unknown enemy, right? : ...Ha. Nobility. : By the Light, they're launching an attack on an unknown enemy.: You humans are such impulsive creatures, aren't you? : Actually, what is the plan here? The humans just wander around the forest until...?: Until they find somethin' interestin', of course.: Something interesting? Like what?  : Like a big ol' glowin' tree, I imagine.: How does this work? This is the dumbest thing I have ever-  : Kala, shut yer boar-hole! There's fightin'!: ...Please.: The orcs are here? They set an ambush here? : Okay, so this was the first contact that the humans made with the orcs? With Sir Lothar leading the men in a mission to... look at a tree?: I can't be sure, I wasn't there. But my father-: There must be something wrong with this spell. : Speaking of which, I'm not certain that I'm familiar with whatever incantation that Medivh is beginning here.: Well, you are a lower ranking mage.: ...: Wait, you are an apprentice wizard, right?: ...: Har, har, har! Cap'n yer a daft idiot sometimes, y'know that? : Er, hey! Looks like Lothar's imaginary son is getting beat up!: I am a fully fledged mage of the highest order. : Maybe this is why I've never heard of him. He was probably killed at the Battle of the Spooky Tree.: My study is a bit more narrow than most, I'll admit, but...  : Alright, this Lothar guy is officially a badass. When can I meet him, Cap'n?: Ruku, do you just blackout when major events happen around you?: Possibly. If I did, I wouldn't know about it.: ...Paradoxical.   : Oop! Spoke too soon. He sucks now.: Look at the size of the orc that threw him! Getting tossed by that doesn't make you any less "badass." : I would've never been tossed like tha'. Feh, dwarf tossin'. Downright undignified.  : Ruku Firefist, what was it that you called that device again?: Ho, ho! Tha', my dear Kala... : ...is a boomstick.  : By the Light!: Woo hoo! I take it all back! Tha' human is a drat, blasted champion!  : ...Mage.: Hey, those motions look familiar. : Anar'alah!: Uuuhhh... : Cap'n, this is tha' evil magic, right?: I knew he was a betrayer, but this seems a bit much.: Feh. They're jus' orcs. : He invokes fel magic right there in front of everyone and then teleports away? The nerve!: How are you so certain that he's leaving?  : My focus is in the transpositional, Captain Varin Wells.: Yer really bad at knowin' stuff about yer friends, Cap'n. : Alright, alright. Let's not forget that Lothar still wants to bring back one of these orcs alive for questioning.: Fat lotta good that does without a translator. : We have spells that could mitigate that.: Really?: Well... presumably.: Ya never know with these mage types. : Alright. Ruku recap. Ya humans go off an' explore the forest. Ya find a tree. Orcs attack ye and Medivh sucks all their muscles out o' them.: Souls.: Right, souls. And then Lothar there goes an' captures one o' the orcs after he cuts off the head o' one orc and blows off th' hand o' another. Did I get tha' right?: ...Stop talking. Just watch. : I swear, these dead orcs just look so familiar.: Crushed grapes?: Troll snot?: ...The nobility after the revolution.  : Wait! Who is that... orc?: Tha's no orc, Cap'n. Y'ever seen an orc woman? They don't build 'em like tha'.: Women are not constructs, Master Firefist.: I didn't mean tha' literally, Kala.: Nor did I.  : Ho, ho! Now our boy has got one o' 'em!.  : Such a proud boy. : All things considered, this was a good excursion for you humans. No noticeable casualties, a rout of the enemy, and two prisoners! : No, wait. Your commander killed one. Okay, one prisoner.: Wait, then what in the name o' Anvilmar was th' point in capturin' the first orc?!: Well, it does establish the prowess of Lord Lothar.: Feh. Feels lazy to me is all.  : Lord Anduin Lothar brought the orc to the king directly? Is this a typical human custom?: Ah, why not?: It seems a little risky.: What do ye elves know o' risk? : We know that it would be unwise to sleep with an orc upon first meeting them.: What is happening right now?!: Hahaha! Ye humans don't know how to keep yer seed to yerselves, do ye?: ...Embarassing.  : She calls herself Garona.: Oh, AND she's the assassin that killed King Llane?! Wow. We could not have been this incompetent.: History begs to differ, Cap'n.  : Show me where you come from. : Big shout out to my cousins in Khaz Modan!  : This is not orc world. Orc world is dead. Orc take this world now.: She speaks Common.: And comes with a declaration of war.: Ye humans are bring awfully calm about the strangeness of all this. Is this how it really happened?: How should I know? I wasn't exactly a member of the royal guard or anything.: ...Just watch. ...Please.  : How did you get here?: Ah, the Mad Mage is here.: With a shockingly not stupid question. : The great gate.: Aaaaand a vague answer. It's like she's on th' fence about bein' a traitor! : But how did you learn our language?: Orc take prisoner for the gate. I learn from them.: That... does not seem correct. Chronologically speaking.: Kala, sometimes there's somethin' called the suspension o' disbelief.: But this all happened! : You'll take us to them.: Finally, someone is talking sense.: That's sense? This is the start of the First War, Captain Varin Wells! They'll be torn limb from limb.: Well, Lord Lothar didn't know that. He's just going to trust this one orc he met an hour ago to lead him and a mage he met a day ago to a portal filled with vicious monsters that are threatening to take over the world.: Is there some communal brain disease that all humans share?: Probably comes about from a lack o' drinking.: I hate to interrupt this human bashing session, but we're going to have to cut this short. We've got to get the troops moving for the next stage of the assault.: Ach! Jus' when it was gettin' good.: Indeed, just when things started to actually happen.: It's called world buildin'.: It seemed like a waste of time to me.
Azzur fucked around with this message at 16:21 on Dec 26, 2018 |
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Dec 16, 2018 08:54
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Gary is delightfully intense as always.
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Dec 16, 2018 09:19
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God warcraft lore got super loving dumb
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Dec 17, 2018 05:30
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achtungnight posted:Ok, good reasons. Sorry, fanboy enthusiasm. Never mind. Meant to comment on this sooner, but that letter is equal parts  and  and I both love and hate you for it.
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Dec 17, 2018 05:40
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ZeusCannon posted:God warcraft lore got super loving dumb Just imagine if Blizz and GW had never cut the knot. Now that would be something mind-boggling.
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Dec 17, 2018 05:41
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Dr. Snark posted:Meant to comment on this sooner, but that letter is equal parts Just the reaction I was looking for, thx.
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Dec 17, 2018 07:35
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Alliance Standard Unit Lines We're back with more unit lines! This time the humans are giving us a little taste of what they have to offer. As always, enjoy the “annoyed responses” and all that they have to offer. Peasant Standard responses  : "Ready to serve.": "Okay.": "Right-o.": "Alright.": "Yes, m'lord.": "Yes?": "M'lord?": "What is it?": "Hello.": "Job's done."Annoyed responses : "Oh, what?": "Ye- uh, huh?": "Now what?": "More work?": "Leave me alone!": "I don't wanna do this!": "I'm not listening."Footman Standard responses : "Awaiting orders.": "Yes.": "Yes, my lord.": "As you wish.": "At once, sire.": "Your command?": "Your orders?": "Yes, sire?": "Yes?": "My lord?": "At you service."Annoyed responses : "Make up your mind.": "Are you still touching me?": "Don't you have a kingdom to run?": "I do have work to do.": "Join the army, they said...": "See the world, they said...": "I'd rather be sailing."Elf Standard responses : “I come to serve.”: “Yes.”: “By your command.”: “For the Alliance.”: “Move out!”: “Your eminence?”: “Exalted one?”: “My sovereign?”: “Your wish?”Annoyed responses : “We must take action!”: “Time is of the essence!”: “Even elder races get tired of waiting!”Knight Standard responses : “Ready to serve, my lord.”: “We move.”: “In your name.”: “For the king.”: “Defending your honor.”: “Your majesty?”: “At your service.”: “Sire?”: “What, ho!”Annoyed responses : “I need orders.”: “Give me a quest!”: “Don't force me to run you through!”Paladin Standard responses : “Ready to serve, my lord.”: “We move.”: “In your name.”: “For the king.”: “Defending your honor.”: “Your majesty?”: “At your service.”: “Sire?”: “What, ho!”Annoyed responses : “I need orders.”: “Give me a quest!”: “Don't force me to run you through!”Dwarven Demolition Squad Standard responses : “Dwarfs ready.”: “Aye, laddie.”: “Okay.”: “Alright.”: “Move out!': “Yes, sir!”: “What d'ya want?”: “Ach!”Annoyed responses : “I love blowin' things up!”: “Bombs are great!”: “Tilt one back with me, dawg!”Gnomish Flying Machine Standard responses : “I've got a flying machine!”: *whooshing noises*Annoyed responses : “Hello, sonny!”: “Want me to fly?”: “Are you listening?”: *whooshing noises* “I'm flying!”: *whooshing noises* “Goodbye!”Mage Standard responses : “Who summoned me?”: “As you wish.”: “Very well.”: “Alright.”: “What is it?”: “Do you need assistance?”: “Your request?”Annoyed responses : “I'm a busy man.”: “Don't anger me.”: “I warned you!” *crackling thunder*Gryphon Rider Standard responses : *screech*: *screech*: *whooshing noises*Special These voice lines are a bit of a grab bag for the Alliance: Warning calls, base management stuff. As well as some fun bits! Base alerts : Ready call for mechanical units (ships, ballistae): Units under attack: Base under attackDeath : Unit deathDemo lines : Demo line 1: Demo line 2: Demo line 3
Azzur fucked around with this message at 13:28 on Feb 21, 2019 |
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Dec 19, 2018 11:50
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Back with more... low content for the holidays!
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Dec 19, 2018 11:51
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I thought every ship built at the shipyard announced that with "Captain on the bridge"
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Dec 19, 2018 14:34
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It's been probably 15 years since I played the game, but I can still hear every one of those lines in my head just by reading them. ESPECIALLY that "Right-o"
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Dec 19, 2018 15:36
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I only heard my stepgrandpa play WC2 twice, and I still remember "I've got a flying machine!" so very clearly. He loved spam-making those things.
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Dec 19, 2018 20:30
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Stop rocking the boat.
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Dec 20, 2018 04:10
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Aces High posted:I thought every ship built at the shipyard announced that with "Captain on the bridge" That one is going to be coming with another "update" much like I did with the orc unit lines.
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Dec 20, 2018 08:35
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WHO WANTS TO SING?!
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Dec 20, 2018 20:54
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Dear Greatfather Firefist, I am but a new soldier in the alliance. I love dashing into battle and spilling my enemies blood. I look up to your shining example. But I have no stalwart companions such as you. Could you please give me some steadfast comrades to join me in battle, like you do? It would make me so happy. Sincerely, A new soldier
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Dec 21, 2018 00:33
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mercenarynuker posted:WHO WANTS TO SING?! I say this far more often in a professional context than I ever imagined I would.
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Dec 21, 2018 05:14
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Dear Greatfather All Bearded Firefist, I wish to follow the words of the great-General 'make the Enemy Horde die for their Orcdom and for Honor and stay alive'. Please do not throw me into any whimsically induced suicidal charges at the whim of my superiors and let me be at the receiving end of a great many from the enemy so that I might be helpful in adding them to inserting the pointy end of my stick into them and not receiving it in turn. Sincerely, Footman Redshirt
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Dec 22, 2018 08:52
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Happy Winter Veil to all! I hope that everyone is enjoying their holiday season. I know that I am. For those of you who don't know much about Japan, I'm in the middle of 忘年会 (bōnenkai) season, which means I am pretty much drunk 24/7 after going to several different drinking parties all in the span of a few days. That said, I want to remind everyone that we still have the Winter Veil Duel of the Greatfathers happening! So far the entries have been excellent and I'm looking forward to announcing our winners! ...I'm going back to passing out now.
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Dec 23, 2018 02:54
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Take care of your liver, and tell us everything about the fun you hopefully had. Have a good time.
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Dec 23, 2018 18:21
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Lynneth posted:Take care of your liver, and tell us everything about the fun you hopefully had. Wait, he still has a liver?
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Dec 23, 2018 19:43
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His liver commited ritual suicide many moons ago.
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Dec 23, 2018 22:34
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Angry Lobster posted:His liver commited ritual suicide many moons ago. That was true a couple of years ago, but it recently got retconned and it turns out that was actually an alternate universe version of his liver that had traded places due to a complex ritual cast ten minutes in the future and - oh god I'm putting way too much work into this joke someone stop me
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Dec 23, 2018 23:08
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Right now his liver is whispering "Witness Me..." It once was shouting those words, but it has survived so much now it wonders when its final moment of glory will come and it can finally get to Valhalla.
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Dec 23, 2018 23:26
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Dr. Snark posted:That was true a couple of years ago, but it recently got retconned and it turns out that was actually an alternate universe version of his liver that had traded places due to a complex ritual cast ten minutes in the future and - oh god I'm putting way too much work into this joke someone stop me So...Tuesday on Azeroth than? Because while you may have put too much effort into it, it really does sound like what Blizzard's lore has become.
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Dec 24, 2018 13:34
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Alkydere posted:So...Tuesday on Azeroth than? Because while you may have put too much effort into it, it really does sound like what Blizzard's lore has become. I feel like this needs to be brought up on principle: 
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Dec 24, 2018 16:03
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