Law Megathread: the stunner off the top rope that everyone but the defense saw coming

The Something Awful Forums > Discussion > Ask/Tell > Business, Finance, and Careers > Law Megathread: the stunner off the top rope that everyone but the defense saw coming

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gvibes: Jan 18, 2010; Leading us to the promised land (i.e., one tournament win in five years)

This has become the worst thread.

# ? Jan 24, 2019 07:13

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# ? Jun 6, 2024 04:47

nm: Jan 28, 2008; "I saw Minos the Space Judge holding a golden sceptre and passing sentence upon the Martians. There he presided, and around him the noble Space Prosecutors sought the firm justice of space law."

gvibes posted:

This has become the worst thread.

"has become"
The only good thing in the thread is Fish's cabin.

# ? Jan 24, 2019 07:18

Abugadu: Jul 12, 2004; 1st Sgt. Matthews and the men have Procured for me a cummerbund from a traveling gypsy, who screeched Victory shall come at a Terrible price. i am Honored.

nm posted:

I feel bad for anyone who fled their country and ends up in Houston.

I�ve described Manila as the Houston of Asia, and vice versa.

# ? Jan 24, 2019 11:24

Soothing Vapors: Mar 26, 2006; Associate Justice Lena "Kegels" Dunham: An uncool thought to have: 'is that guy walking in the dark behind me a rapist? Never mind, he's Asian.

Throatwarbler posted:

Many Vietnamese people I've spoken to tell me that it's easier to get good pho in North America than Vietnam, and North American pho on the whole is better than Vietnamese pho, due to the better availability of high quality beef, both for the rare slices in pho tai and bone for the broth. Cows raised for meat are not generally part of traditional east and southeast Asian cooking, because there is no tradition of cattle ranching there. "Beef" dishes were made with draft oxen butchered after they were no longer able to pull a plow and not good much much other than stew, slow roasts or jerky.

idgi, how does this post fit into the Throatwarbler canon

# ? Jan 24, 2019 14:34

Look Sir Droids: Jan 27, 2015; The tracks go off in this direction.

Soothing Vapors posted:

idgi, how does this post fit into the Throatwarbler canon

His personal servants are Vietnamese and some of them were human trafficked from America so Throatwarbler has a diverse view of the Vietnamese people.

# ? Jan 24, 2019 14:53

Soothing Vapors: Mar 26, 2006; Associate Justice Lena "Kegels" Dunham: An uncool thought to have: 'is that guy walking in the dark behind me a rapist? Never mind, he's Asian.

Look Sir Droids posted:

His personal servants are Vietnamese and some of them were human trafficked from America so Throatwarbler has a diverse view of the Vietnamese people.

lmao

thats the stuff, thx

# ? Jan 24, 2019 14:59

ActusRhesus: Sep 18, 2007; "Perhaps the fact the defendant had to be dragged out of the courtroom while declaring 'Death to you all, a Jihad on the court' may have had something to do with the revocation of his bond. That or calling the judge a bald-headed cock-sucker. Either way."

Opposing counsel writes 50 page brief.

I respond in 11.

I am pleased. And that includes �the petitioner claims x. The petitioner is wrong.� Followed by 6 lines of string cites.

# ? Jan 24, 2019 18:12

Vox Nihili: May 28, 2008

Soothing Vapors posted:

idgi, how does this post fit into the Throatwarbler canon

Roused by the smell of cooking, Throatwarbler awakens at 1 pm and stumbles into his parents' largest kitchen. An indentured Vietnamese girl, no older than 19, is hard at work. Throatwarbler commends himself for convincing his parents to send off the Bangladeshi girl with the unpleasing face in favor of the new help. "My splendid desert rose," he begins, "is that the soup of your people?"

# ? Jan 24, 2019 18:45

ActusRhesus: Sep 18, 2007; "Perhaps the fact the defendant had to be dragged out of the courtroom while declaring 'Death to you all, a Jihad on the court' may have had something to do with the revocation of his bond. That or calling the judge a bald-headed cock-sucker. Either way."

Vox Nihili posted:

Roused by the smell of cooking, Throatwarbler awakens at 1 pm and stumbles into his parents' largest kitchen. An indentured Vietnamese girl, no older than 19, is hard at work. Throatwarbler commends himself for convincing his parents to send off the Bangladeshi girl with the unpleasing face in favor of the new help. "My splendid desert rose," he begins, "is that the soup of your people?"

You�re off by about 5 years.

# ? Jan 24, 2019 18:54

Look Sir Droids: Jan 27, 2015; The tracks go off in this direction.

Vox Nihili posted:

Roused by the smell of cooking, Throatwarbler awakens at 1 pm and stumbles into his parents' largest kitchen. An indentured Vietnamese girl, no older than 19, is hard at work. Throatwarbler commends himself for convincing his parents to send off the Bangladeshi girl with the unpleasing face in favor of the new help. "My splendid desert rose," he begins, "is that the soup of your people?"

# ? Jan 24, 2019 18:57

Discendo Vox: Mar 21, 2013; Can't post for 4 hours!

ActusRhesus posted:

You�re off by about 5 years.

I think the "no older than" provides the needed leeway.

# ? Jan 24, 2019 19:13

ActusRhesus: Sep 18, 2007; "Perhaps the fact the defendant had to be dragged out of the courtroom while declaring 'Death to you all, a Jihad on the court' may have had something to do with the revocation of his bond. That or calling the judge a bald-headed cock-sucker. Either way."

Discendo Vox posted:

I think the "no older than" provides the needed leeway.

I stand by my statement.

# ? Jan 24, 2019 19:42

Vox Nihili: May 28, 2008

ActusRhesus posted:

I stand by my statement.

You're always free to supplement from your own fanfic trove.

# ? Jan 24, 2019 19:53

nutri_void: Apr 18, 2015; I shall devour your soul.; Grimey Drawer

Vox Nihili posted:

Roused by the smell of cooking, Throatwarbler awakens at 1 pm and stumbles into his parents' largest kitchen. An indentured Vietnamese girl, no older than 19, is hard at work. Throatwarbler commends himself for convincing his parents to send off the Bangladeshi girl with the unpleasing face in favor of the new help. "My splendid desert rose," he begins, "is that the soup of your people?"

# ? Jan 24, 2019 20:19

joat mon: Oct 15, 2009; I am the master of my lamp;
I am the captain of my tub.

Vox Nihili posted:

Roused by the smell of cooking, Throatwarbler awakens at 1 pm and stumbles into his parents' largest kitchen. An indentured Vietnamese girl, no older than 19, is hard at work. Throatwarbler commends himself for convincing his parents to send off the Bangladeshi girl with the unpleasing face in favor of the new help. "My splendid desert rose," he begins, "is that the soup of your people?"

Aaaand a Nguyen for Vox.

# ? Jan 24, 2019 21:38

blarzgh: Apr 14, 2009; SNITCHIN' RANDY; Grimey Drawer

Time for my annual performance review. Any quick tips for asking about implementation of "casual Friday's" ??

# ? Jan 24, 2019 22:02

EwokEntourage: Jun 10, 2008; BREYER: Actually, Antonin, you got it backwards. See, a power bottom is actually generating all the dissents by doing most of the work.

SCALIA: Stephen, I've heard that speed has something to do with it.

BREYER: Speed has everything to do with it.

blarzgh posted:

Time for my annual performance review. Any quick tips for asking about implementation of "casual Friday's" ??

Ask for a dry cleaning stipend and then counter with causal Fridays

# ? Jan 24, 2019 22:10

Meatbag Esq.: May 3, 2006; Hmm which internet meme should go here again?

blarzgh posted:

Time for my annual performance review. Any quick tips for asking about implementation of "casual Friday's" ??

Depends on if they are one of the chosen people.

# ? Jan 24, 2019 22:11

ActusRhesus: Sep 18, 2007; "Perhaps the fact the defendant had to be dragged out of the courtroom while declaring 'Death to you all, a Jihad on the court' may have had something to do with the revocation of his bond. That or calling the judge a bald-headed cock-sucker. Either way."

�No pants Friday IS a cause.� - The Iron Bull.

# ? Jan 24, 2019 22:20

Tokelau All Star: Feb 23, 2008; THE TAXES! THE FINGER THING MEANS THE TAXES!

joat mon posted:

Aaaand a Nguyen for Vox.

I lol'd

# ? Jan 24, 2019 22:50

Soothing Vapors: Mar 26, 2006; Associate Justice Lena "Kegels" Dunham: An uncool thought to have: 'is that guy walking in the dark behind me a rapist? Never mind, he's Asian.

Vox Nihili posted:

Roused by the smell of cooking, Throatwarbler awakens at 1 pm and stumbles into his parents' largest kitchen. An indentured Vietnamese girl, no older than 19, is hard at work. Throatwarbler commends himself for convincing his parents to send off the Bangladeshi girl with the unpleasing face in favor of the new help. "My splendid desert rose," he begins, "is that the soup of your people?"

ActusRhesus posted:

You’re off by about 5 years.

joat mon posted:

Aaaand a Nguyen for Vox.

good fuckin page imo

# ? Jan 25, 2019 02:16

Phil Moscowitz: Feb 19, 2007; If blood be the price of admiralty,
Lord God, we ha' paid in full!

Vox Nihili posted:

Roused by the smell of cooking, Throatwarbler awakens at 1 pm and stumbles into his parents' largest kitchen. An indentured Vietnamese girl, no older than 19, is hard at work. Throatwarbler commends himself for convincing his parents to send off the Bangladeshi girl with the unpleasing face in favor of the new help. "My splendid desert rose," he begins, "is that the soup of your people?"

Pffhaha

# ? Jan 25, 2019 05:41

Kalman: Jan 17, 2010

nm posted:

There is so much loving bad (or at least medocre) pho out there. Especially anywhere without a large vietnamese diaspora (aka not the west coast, NOLA, and minneapolis).

You missed DC, which has a ton of good pho.

(Well, northern Virginia does, city itself not as much.)

# ? Jan 25, 2019 16:03

algebra testes: Mar 5, 2011; Lipstick Apathy

Just saw prosecution eat poo poo in a hearing because they prepared for the wrong type of hearing.

:cheers:

# ? Jan 25, 2019 21:47

blarzgh: Apr 14, 2009; SNITCHIN' RANDY; Grimey Drawer

Sounds like a great analogy for my personal life

# ? Jan 25, 2019 21:54

Eminent Domain: Sep 23, 2007

We have a new judge hearing our DV restraining order cases. Super patient and everything, always giving the pro pers a chance to speak more.

This calendar broke him after a hour long argument about how to arrange visitation for an elderly family member who is about to die.

I fully anticipate him to come down like a ton of bricks next calendar after that poo poo show.

# ? Jan 25, 2019 22:17

blarzgh: Apr 14, 2009; SNITCHIN' RANDY; Grimey Drawer

Its 7:45pm on a friday. go to law school.

# ? Jan 26, 2019 02:41

Pook Good Mook: Aug 6, 2013; ENFORCE THE UNITED STATES DRESS CODE AT ALL COSTS!

This message paid for by the Men's Wearhouse& Jos A Bank Lobbying Group

Someone asked me a question I didn't know the answer to and don't have the experience to even guess.

Approximately how many people who start as first-year associates at a biglaw lawfirm are going to make partner? Not just partner track, actually make partner. Including people who leave or get hired away in the answer.

blarzgh posted:

Its 7:45pm on a friday. go to law school.

Was working through my phone messages late on a Friday afternoon full of last-minute fires and surprise visits from witnesses and victims. Last phone call is from a victim who wants to "drop charges" because it was a "misunderstanding." Swore, decided to call her back on Monday.

# ? Jan 26, 2019 03:25

gvibes: Jan 18, 2010; Leading us to the promised land (i.e., one tournament win in five years)

Pook Good Mook posted:

Someone asked me a question I didn't know the answer to and don't have the experience to even guess.

Approximately how many people who start as first-year associates at a biglaw lawfirm are going to make partner? Not just partner track, actually make partner. Including people who leave or get hired away in

Depends on the firm quite a bit I would imagine. But probably on the order of 5-10% at most places

# ? Jan 26, 2019 04:19

Arcturas: Mar 30, 2011

Pook Good Mook posted:

Someone asked me a question I didn't know the answer to and don't have the experience to even guess.

Approximately how many people who start as first-year associates at a biglaw lawfirm are going to make partner? Not just partner track, actually make partner. Including people who leave or get hired away in the answer.

Was working through my phone messages late on a Friday afternoon full of last-minute fires and surprise visits from witnesses and victims. Last phone call is from a victim who wants to "drop charges" because it was a "misunderstanding." Swore, decided to call her back on Monday.

True biglaw (NYC/SF/Chicago, DC/LA, whatever oil city you want to pick), or capital-city-in-any-state biglaw?

# ? Jan 26, 2019 04:20

Pook Good Mook: Aug 6, 2013; ENFORCE THE UNITED STATES DRESS CODE AT ALL COSTS!

This message paid for by the Men's Wearhouse& Jos A Bank Lobbying Group

I was thinking "true." Smaller city regional biglaw I can estimate at about 30%.

# ? Jan 26, 2019 04:31

Arcturas: Mar 30, 2011

My guess is one in seven or eight, but I only have experience with firms at the lower end of AMLAW 100, which is probably smaller than you are thinking.

# ? Jan 26, 2019 05:03

The Unholy Ghost: Feb 19, 2011

Phil Moscowitz posted:

"I majored in Poli Sci/ History / Philosophy / whatever, and what else am I going to do?"

I did this too, so I can�t really take any issue with it. But you could always join the army. I would probably wait until the next presidential administration to do something like that, though.

Is this answer made with a straight face?

I graduated with an IR degree. Always thought of Law as an option, sometimes seriously, sometimes kept at the back of my head. My experience in the job market over the last year has especially made becoming a lawyer more and more tempting. Summary: Minimum wage jobs and personal stagnation.

My conditions are that I will only become a lawyer if I can get accepted into a T14 School with a good scholarship-- probably Chicago. Anything less, and I'm out of the game. From what I read of the OP here, or at least the flowchart, this is the "ideal" situation.

# ? Jan 26, 2019 06:43

Ratatozsk: Mar 6, 2007; Had we turned left instead, we may have encountered something like this...

The Unholy Ghost posted:

My conditions are that I will only become a lawyer if I can get accepted into a T14 School with a good scholarship-- probably Chicago...

If memory serves, the mantle of Pie King is yet to be taken up by a successor...

# ? Jan 26, 2019 06:53

Toona the Cat: Jun 9, 2004; The Greatest

The Unholy Ghost posted:

Is this answer made with a straight face?

I graduated with an IR degree. Always thought of Law as an option, sometimes seriously, sometimes kept at the back of my head. My experience in the job market over the last year has especially made becoming a lawyer more and more tempting. Summary: Minimum wage jobs and personal stagnation.

My conditions are that I will only become a lawyer if I can get accepted into a T14 School with a good scholarship-- probably Chicago. Anything less, and I'm out of the game. From what I read of the OP here, or at least the flowchart, this is the "ideal" situation.

Let me help. This is the only section of the flowchart that matters.

# ? Jan 26, 2019 07:08

The Unholy Ghost: Feb 19, 2011

Toona the Cat posted:

Let me help. This is the only section of the flowchart that matters.

I might take this more seriously if not every Something Awful career thread was full of warnings not to enter the profession. Maybe we should start a McDonald's thread that will be the one positive career thread on the forum.

By the time I graduated, I realized what made me happiest and what I was best at was writing, and I decided I would be a novelist. Pretty much the moment I made that decision, I lost the ability to write fiction. I flailed about for a year trying to regain my creative writing, and it never came. Since I can't do what I love and what I believe I was meant to do, I'm going to focus on making money.

The Unholy Ghost fucked around with this message at 07:31 on Jan 26, 2019

# ? Jan 26, 2019 07:26

Tokelau All Star: Feb 23, 2008; THE TAXES! THE FINGER THING MEANS THE TAXES!

Go to med school or get an MBA instead

# ? Jan 26, 2019 07:33

terrorist ambulance: Nov 5, 2009

The Unholy Ghost posted:

I might take this more seriously if not every Something Awful career thread was full of warnings not to enter the profession. Maybe we should start a McDonald's thread that will be the one positive career thread on the forum.

By the time I graduated, I realized what made me happiest and what I was best at was writing, and I decided I would be a novelist. Pretty much the moment I made that decision, I lost the ability to write fiction. I flailed about for a year trying to regain my creative writing, and it never came. Since I can't do what I love and what I believe I was meant to do, I'm going to focus on making money.

The warnings in the OP are all still current and accurate. If you're smooth brained enough to ignore them please provide regular updates on your descent into failure and misery

# ? Jan 26, 2019 08:17

The Unholy Ghost: Feb 19, 2011

terrorist ambulance posted:

The warnings in the OP are all still current and accurate. If you're smooth brained enough to ignore them please provide regular updates on your descent into failure and misery

I'd rather post regular updates on becoming a lawyer than updates working at McDonald's until I die.

# ? Jan 26, 2019 08:32

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# ? Jun 6, 2024 04:47

Kawasaki Nun: Jul 16, 2001; by Reene

I like law school so far and am pretty interested in being a PD. I'm sure it'll all end in tears but I'm not paying for it so :shrug:

# ? Jan 26, 2019 09:32

The Something Awful Forums > Discussion > Ask/Tell > Business, Finance, and Careers > Law Megathread: the stunner off the top rope that everyone but the defense saw coming

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