Jokes that are good but you can't be bothered to develop a thread for

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ShinyBirdTeeth: sparkle sparkle sparkle

Fired for calling everyone at work a "turbo scrub"

# ? Jan 29, 2019 00:00

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# ? May 23, 2024 23:53

TheShrike: You mechs may have copper wiring to re-route your fear of pain, but I've got nerves of steel.

ShinyBirdTeeth posted:

Fired for calling everyone at work a "turbo scrub"

Fired for playing No Scrubs on repeat from the PC speakers.

# ? Jan 29, 2019 02:32

Pot Smoke Phoenix: Smoke 'em if you gottem!

Kontradaz posted:

Fired for playing No Scrubs on repeat from the PC speakers.

Fired for hanging outside of his second-best friend's ride

https://i.imgur.com/QKTkerO.mp4
_{_{Sig elements by Manifisto and Heather Papps}}
Sig File protected by SigLock. do NOT steal this sig!

# ? Jan 29, 2019 02:38

vanisher

Driving in Europe and waiving out the drivers side

# ? Jan 29, 2019 02:49

FactsAreUseless

Punch and Judy vs. Predator

# ? Jan 29, 2019 03:26

Putty: HOOKED ON THE BROTHERS

WD-41

# ? Jan 30, 2019 03:14

Dungeon Ecology

lol I love this thread

# ? Jan 30, 2019 03:39

Dungeon Ecology

pronouncing tree as �chree�

# ? Jan 30, 2019 03:40

vanisher

Dungeon Ecology posted:

pronouncing tree as "chree"

hittin the gym, chrying to work on my chriceps

_{Sig images courtesy of the talented Luvcow, Dumb Sex-Parrot, & Death Sext}

# ? Jan 30, 2019 06:57

FactsAreUseless

A horror film called Porgie and the tagline is "Killed the girls and made them die."

# ? Jan 30, 2019 07:58

ShinyBirdTeeth: sparkle sparkle sparkle

Orphaned by a fearsome swarm of gila monsters, Jake was raised by a loving swarm of gila monsters.

# ? Jan 31, 2019 01:20

ShinyBirdTeeth: sparkle sparkle sparkle

A bar called "The Gutter" so you can tell your friends you puked in The Gutter and its a little pun, but also a serious symptom of alcohol abuse.

# ? Jan 31, 2019 01:23

lol but: body is a dinosaur

the best of 2pac 2: the woke dubs

# ? Jan 31, 2019 01:28

ghost emoji: oooOooOOOooh

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# ? Jan 31, 2019 05:17

manero

WD-39 was close, but it tasted like chocolate

# ? Jan 31, 2019 05:57

Cubone: Because it never leaves its bedroom, no one has ever seen this poster's real face.

ShinyBirdTeeth posted:

Orphaned by a fearsome swarm of gila monsters, Jake was raised by a loving swarm of gila monsters.

lol

# ? Jan 31, 2019 06:57

Cubone: Because it never leaves its bedroom, no one has ever seen this poster's real face.

two cowboys are way out in the desert and one of them gets bit by a rattlesnake, right on the butt. the other cowboy says, "stay here! I'll go for help!"
he rides all the way back to town and finds the town doctor. he says, "doc, you gotta help! bill got bit by a rattler, right on the butt!"
the doctor says, "it'll take some time for me to manufacture a suitable panacea, but in the meantime here's what you can do to help: get back to him as fast as you can, and when you get there, take a black marker and put two x's over the bite marks, then use a blade to make a light incision on each wound, right where the teeth went in. you're going to have to use your mouth to suck the venom out."
the cowboy nods, gets back on his horse, and rides all the way back out to his buddy
his buddy, weak but hanging on, says "what did the doctor say?"
the other cowboy responds "he said to get back to you as fast as I can, then take a black marker and put two x's over the bite marks, and use a blade to make a light incision where each tooth went in. I'm going to have to use my mouth to suck the venom out"
his buddy says "you'd do that for me?"
the other cowboy says "wouldn't be much of a man if I didn't"
his buddy replies "that is the bravest thing I have ever heard. thank you for saving my life. I won't tell a soul if you don't want me to"
back in town, the doctor says to himself "that was not authentic medical advise I just gave. I'm so messed up. I better skip town before he gets back that was really messed up I can't believe I did that. I hope he didn't do it because that is not going to help at all wow"

# ? Jan 31, 2019 07:23

Putty: HOOKED ON THE BROTHERS

Lol

# ? Jan 31, 2019 15:14

Twenty Four

ShinyBirdTeeth posted:

Orphaned by a fearsome swarm of gila monsters, Jake was raised by a loving swarm of gila monsters.

Orphaned by my biological parents at the age of 17, because they finally realized they had given up on me years ago, and wanted to shirk the responsibility at the last minute.

Trying to find my way around my new family, after being adopted at the age of 17 and a half.

# ? Jan 31, 2019 15:20

ShinyBirdTeeth: sparkle sparkle sparkle

Me, 31 years old, "You got any spare Big Brothers. I could really use some life guidance. Wouldn't be averse to going to the zoo either."

# ? Jan 31, 2019 15:23

vanisher

My dog keeps throwing up the candy conversation hearts I feed him and I cant tell if its because the sugary chalk makes him sick or he just doesn't feel the same way

# ? Jan 31, 2019 23:41

Dick Bastardly: Muttley is SKYNET!!!

my cat would eat me if it knew it could

Awesome winter sig by Symbolic, love it!

Lovely sig by the masterful Matoi Ryuko, thanks!

# ? Jan 31, 2019 23:46

ShinyBirdTeeth: sparkle sparkle sparkle

Dick Bastardly posted:

my cat would eat me if it knew it could

orphaned by a ferocious swarm of tabbies

# ? Feb 1, 2019 01:25

ghost emoji: oooOooOOOooh

(pocketing my vape as i leave the airplane bathroom)

mile high club means something else, apparently

# ? Feb 1, 2019 06:30

Twenty Four

*Attending a big event, seeing a long line for the restroom, and walking straight up to the first person in line* "So, rookie..." *Intimidatingly cracks knuckles and pops neck* "You think you can out poop me?" *Smirks and strolls in*

# ? Feb 1, 2019 16:08

ShinyBirdTeeth: sparkle sparkle sparkle

Star War Character Names

Wun Trukkin
Darth Badm'n
Tellno Lys
Juggno Woggins
Fattass "Porkins" McCoy

# ? Feb 1, 2019 20:21

ShinyBirdTeeth: sparkle sparkle sparkle

Getting indignant, "I'm not confused, sir, just stupid!"

# ? Feb 1, 2019 21:28

ShinyBirdTeeth: sparkle sparkle sparkle

Love with terms and conditions

# ? Feb 2, 2019 23:56

vanisher

ShinyBirdTeeth posted:

Love with terms and conditions

Just saying "I do" but not actually listening to the vows

"Who actually reads the terms and conditions, lol"

# ? Feb 3, 2019 02:06

lol but: body is a dinosaur

I, man, take thee, lady, to be my wedded wife, to have and to hold, from this day forward, for better, for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health, to love and to cherish, till death do us part, according to God's holy ordinance; and thereto I pledge myself to you.

# ? Feb 3, 2019 02:21

lol but: body is a dinosaur

he said

# ? Feb 3, 2019 02:22

lol but: body is a dinosaur

inaccurately

# ? Feb 3, 2019 02:22

ShinyBirdTeeth: sparkle sparkle sparkle

Unfurling a twenty foot long scroll, "I now pronounce you man, wife, and Facebook subsidiary as defined herein.

# ? Feb 3, 2019 13:43

ShinyBirdTeeth: sparkle sparkle sparkle

My girlfriend told me she was seeing someone else. That was my first clue. After that I started noticing little things like no one was watering my plants. I guessed then that something was wrong in my relationship.

# ? Feb 4, 2019 23:51

manero

An H.P. Lovecraft-themed yoga clothing store called Cthulhululemon

# ? Feb 5, 2019 03:56

canyoneer: I only have canyoneyes for you

manero posted:

An H.P. Lovecraft-themed yoga clothing store called Cthulhululemon

unspeakable ancient horrors, high stretch lycra

# ? Feb 5, 2019 04:09

Farecoal: There he go

yeah, I like to NUT

Never
Understand
Acronyms

# ? Feb 5, 2019 04:53

Manifisto

ShinyBirdTeeth posted:

My girlfriend told me she was seeing someone else. That was my first clue. After that I started noticing little things like no one was watering my plants. I guessed then that something was wrong in my relationship.

manero posted:

An H.P. Lovecraft-themed yoga clothing store called Cthulhululemon

Farecoal posted:

yeah, I like to NUT

Never
Understand
Acronyms

this is the best drat thread

ty nesamdoom!

# ? Feb 5, 2019 05:34

Cubone: Because it never leaves its bedroom, no one has ever seen this poster's real face.

[trying to recite edward norton's rant from 25th Hour from memory]

gently caress the bull poo poo. especially gently caress the drat dumb poo poo. gently caress all that hosed up and crazy poo poo. gently caress that screwy ol' fucken bull poo poo. in fact, gently caress every drat poo poo that's all hosed up

# ? Feb 5, 2019 11:45

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# ? May 23, 2024 23:53

ShinyBirdTeeth: sparkle sparkle sparkle

I think it's rude to ghost on people, which is why I hired this blimp to tell you to gently caress off.

# ? Feb 5, 2019 18:28

The Something Awful Forums > Main > BYOB: BYOB BYOB BOYB BBOY YOBB YBOB BBYO?? > Jokes that are good but you can't be bothered to develop a thread for

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