gradenko_2000 posted:

Patton Oswald Moseley

Pirate Radar posted:

Son, you were named after two of the greatest men I ever knew.

lohli posted:

https://www.aliexpress.com/item/1PC...2775064410.html

Facebook Aunt posted:

Hey Ladies! Are you tired of others being able to tell you are a human who occasionally sweats? Want to pass as an android? Does wearing two bras all day every day sound like heaven to you? Then try the ArmPit Bra! https://www.aliexpress.com/item/Was...2550437049.html




It's like dress shields, but reusable!

According the reviews it is flimsy, uncomfortable, and smells like burning wood. Hot!

cumshitter posted:

i made a video phrasinf finance in terms of gay sex and put it on a website where I say my office is a glory hole and my first reaction was "Why would you ever make this let alone release it"

JEEVES420 posted:

$300 on Craiglist

Rolo posted:

Please please please read the manual and wear protection before putting your dong in that.

Dick Trauma posted:

pikachode posted:

in my experience germans are a hivelike people and the only things they do alone are poo poo and commit suicide

Bobby Digital posted:

Tony Snark posted:

Better what the French do in public than what the Germans do in private.

Spanish Manlove posted:

Some people eat rear end, and that's OK.

Oxxidation posted:

can a boy be edgy if he is round

Heath posted:

Why not start with a kiss? You don't have to go leaping straight for the rear end!

Bloodfart McCoy posted:

Had to go to a funeral three hours away over the weekend. Drove my whole family in one car. My mom, dad, sister, wife, and myself.

A long somber, surreal day and weekend in general. When we all finally got home and pulled into my driveway I turned off the car and stepped out onto the lawn that was lightly dusted with snow. I ripped a gigantic, long, loud fart that shook the neighborhood.

Anyone outside at the moment on my street would have surely heard it. My whole family looked at me with disgusted amazement.

I think it was the mental and physical release we were all looking for after such an emotional weekend.

Carfarthsis

luxury handset posted:

the zz top extended mythos clearly indicates that they are a trio of wizards who have a triad coven of skank witches who magically appear to turn schlubby loser guys into powerful sex bombs

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ae829mFAGGE

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7wRHBLwpASw&t=81s

they also bestow their horny magic on women

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eUDcTLaWJuo&t=112s

tiring of this earthbound plane, they then flew into space after hooking up one last hapless teen couple and saving them from a menacing pair of rednecks in a large truck

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TKJymx2KDWo&t=87s

EightBit posted:

That won't save you from people that have headphones in and are randomly wandering across the path. I'd rather play that game with horny deer, at least they have the good sense to run away.

I LIKE COOKIE posted:

I've never witnessed a torch accident but this one time we were really drunk smoking hookah and some clumsy drunk girl knocked the hookah over and the hookah coal burned a hole completely through the wicker table it was on and started the carpet on fire. I mean that poo poo just burned through the wicker table like a hot knife through butter, it was fast as gently caress. The table barely put up any resistance it was like the hookah coal just fell straight through it. And the table was a good 3 inches thick too it wasn't no lovely paper thin wicker table. The carpet caught on fire pretty loving fast too and it was pretty drat scary. For a second I really thought the whole loving house was about to burn to the ground.

Luckily, we got the carpet fire contained quickly by dousing it with water from the closest water source... which just so happened to be our nasty rear end gravity bong water. That loving smell. Oh. My. God.

Don't get me wrong, I'm glad we didn't burn the whole house down, but fuckkkk man. The combined forces of the burnt plastic-y wicker table, the burnt carpet, and the steaming hot 3 month old turd ridden butthole stank rear end gravity bong water, fuckkkkkk that smell still haunts me to this day. Of course the smell never fully went away and that room will forever be cursed by the stench of 'the day that dumb bitch knocked the hookah over'

The end

Gripweed posted:

https://twitter.com/RooKay3/status/1098651828185640961

Filthy Hans posted:

Kathy Griffin: my life on the DD list

Willfrey posted:

Remember the ol saying,

Big as an arm? Will cause you harm
Small as a wick? Now thats a nice dick

Platystemon posted:

1907

Solid avatar material, IMO

PHIZ KALIFA posted:

Grape-Nuts: The Workingman's Edible Litter.

EorayMel posted:

Also a bonus too good to pass up before I forget:

Six-Of-Hearts posted:

head58 posted:

Quick, Spidey, web his ankle as he’s falling! That always works!

Proteus Jones posted:

Lobok posted:

I think the reaction would be

Mikl posted:

Dick Trauma gets so much mileage out of their username, it's amazing.




Also posting a quote, with background: in the Spider-Man newspaper comic strip the bad guy of the arc, Killgrave, has been covered by a tarp, and is running towards the edge of a roof because he can't see where he's going. Spider-Man is trying to save him with his webs.

FAT32 SHAMER posted:

im going to be honest the background didnt really help a whole lot

Zore posted:

The Death of Gwen Stacy, a famous Spider-Man story, has him try to save his girlfriend as she falls from a bridge by webbing her ankle. It snaps her neck and she dies

http://imgur.com/a/g21BQW9

Schadenboner posted:

President Beep posted:

I AM CORNWALLIO! I NEED TEA PEE FOR MY BOAT HOLE!

Krankenstyle posted:

What was the original image, it just says bandwidth exceeded now...

Fleta Mcgurn posted:

Erotic Zaurgfiction


Once upon a time, Zaurg woke up and stretched like a sexy man who runs marathons. As he rolled off his mattress, he could see the sun rising over the swamps and abandoned Taco Bells of the gorgeous Florida landscape. "Ahhh, time to shave my back!" Zaurg thought, moseying sexfully towards the bathroom.

As he left the bathroom, he saw his girlfriend, who super exists. She stretched and yawned, her boobs boobing boobily in the sun. "Eh?"

"Nothing, babe," Zaurg said. He erotically did some thing before returning to bed.

Zaurgf whipped off the blanket to expose all of the parts that hot and sexy men are already aware of, like her butt and etc. "OMG I came FROM Canada, but I'm gonna CUM right here," she said hotly in a sex way.

"Ok" said Zaurg. He was fetid with sex horniness, like, everywhere. Zaurg walked towards the bed while stripping off his wife-beater and cargo shorts. He felt sexy with hotness...ALL OVER!

"OMG YOU ARE REALLY SEXY WITH HOTNESS" said Zaurgf in a horny voice.

"Ikr" said Zaurg, staring with dicklicious pride at her amazing metric booblumps

They started humping real good. Zaurg did a great job. You could ask any of his friends and they'd totally say he did a great job at sex. Not just that time, but during all hot blink sessions. He knocked her boobs around excellently, while totally blaming his dong hard. It was so good. It was, like, the best. Zaurgf screamed sexily while getting donked. They did it a lot of ways! It was really good! Everyone was impressed.

Eventually, Zaurg moaned. He poo poo his load. Oops I meant shot wait how do I delete


"Your hog is like a lawnmower of sexiness," whispered zaurgf. He did her so raw that her Canadian accent was strong and mighty, like a moose.

Zaurg laid back and thought smugly of how hot he was. Surely, he thought, as he farted himself to sleep-in surely, I can trade this for pizza.i

Krankenstyle posted:

What was the original image, it just says bandwidth exceeded now...

sneakyfrog posted:

a rare post in any thread from me,

content

MageMage posted:

I was in garde manger 2, which I had found pretty difficult. It dealt with terrains and things like beef wellington and making that puree coloured stuff. Advanced poo poo. The Chef was this grouchy old man. Almost all of the Chefs that taught us we're grouchy old men or grouchy old women. But this one was mean. I was so afraid of messing up, because he worked us like a drill seargent.

You see, this was at the California Culinary in San Francisco, and if you'd ever been inside there, there are two classes that are in front of windows so that guests can view the students as they ate or toured, so the pressure was always on in that class.

One day we had to make like 120 of one item. This was with no help, you had to do it on your own, then, the best items went out for guests to sample and people who paid to eat etc. and you were critiqued on the results if you were picked. I had to make appetizers or whatever they were called in garde manger in a certain amount of time.

I panicked and could not think of anything. We didn't have the variety of assorted ingredients that other classes had. I took 120 shitake mushrooms, took the stems off, then in a bowl I mixed goat cheese, pine nuts, thyme, salt and white pepper, possibly undeglazed wine, and possibly other items I cant remember, probably the mushroom stems. I put this mixture on the inside of the cap and used the cap as a base for the appetizer. I made 2 sheet pans of 60.

The first sheet pan, I tried to grill the shitakes. I threw 30 on the grill. The guts weren't cooking and the mushrooms were burning and they were slipping through the grill from tongs and spatulas, trying to pick them up and keep them from burning, and causing a terrible, gooey mess all over the place. I spent way too much time on it, and in my panic to finish I thought I could cook the second sheet pan in the smoker. What the hell was I thinking?!

While I'm waiting for my appetizers to 'cook' in the smoker the Head Chef took note of me just waiting there and saw my 30 uncooked mushroom cap appetizers. He walks up to me and shouts, causing the whole kitchen to go silent:

"WHAT IS THIS?!"

"It's... uh...." I almost sheepishly said "I don't know" but before I could he grabs one of the monstrosities, he takes a bite of one, chews twice and then leans over to this right, and spits the piece back out onto the sheet pan it came from.

"IT'S YUCKY!!"

*...yucky?* I thought, like someone telling Spongebob his crabby patty was garbage.

He throws the other piece of mushroom down on the sheet pan like he just made a touchdown! He picked up the sheet pan, elongated with one hand on each side, then hurls the sheet pan and all down into the large garbage receptacle like he made a big slam dunk.

He storms off through the back entrance with his Sous chef to smoke a cigarette. I guess I really ticked him off. After that incident, I felt afraid to go back, and with a week left put in to switch to the morning chef and make it up. It took me a long time to realize what I had done wrong.

You have to keep things simple.

The first thing you have to do when you get out of culinary school is, forget everything you ever learned in culinary school. Have fun with it now, have fun with the unique ingredients, I know I sure did, but realize the end result of culinary school is to broaden your mind and focus it. Broadening it is fun, but you will have to focus inevitably.

underage at the vape shop posted:

yeah hes a massive edgelord. thats why he lost his disney money. he said the n word too, because he wasnt thinking about what he was saying (ie hes a dumbass). hes not a nazi, youtube isnt full of nazis, its literally, literally, clickbait,.

value-brand cereal posted:

pewdiepie defender has logged on:

Hihohe posted:

I got from this that clickbait is by Nazis.

EorayMel posted:

Unfortunately I cannot access this post, but the ban reason for it...

Karate Bastard posted:

What that's not allowed anymore? What's with this site and all its stupid rules?

Karate Bastard posted:

What that's not allowed anymore? What's with this site and all its stupid rules?