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Joe Slowboat
Nov 9, 2016

Higgledy-Piggledy Whale Statements



Tunicate posted:

that's a labyrinth :pseudo:

If the maze has no forking paths and only one exit it is also technically a labyrinth.

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chitoryu12
Apr 24, 2014

But also nobody is going to specify that their mansion comes with a “hedge labyrinth”.

cptn_dr
Sep 7, 2011

Seven for beauty that blossoms and dies


chitoryu12 posted:

But also nobody is going to specify that their mansion comes with a “hedge labyrinth”.

They will if they want to make a sale to this guy.

CobiWann
Oct 21, 2009

Have fun!

chitoryu12 posted:

But also nobody is going to specify that their mansion comes with a “hedge labyrinth”.

Throw in secret passages and an oubliette and let’s sit down and talk about a fixed rate 30 decade mortgage.

Whybird
Aug 2, 2009

Phaiston have long avoided the tightly competetive defence sector, but the IRDA Act 2052 has given us the freedom we need to bring out something really special.

https://team-robostar.itch.io/robostar


Nap Ghost
Nah, if you're really gonna splash out you gotta go for a full-fledged hedge dungeon, with multiple floors and secret passages and wandering topiary.

Splicer
Oct 16, 2006

from hell's heart I cast at thee
🧙🐀🧹🌙🪄🐸
That sounds expensive. Fortunately I have a hedge fund.

JustJeff88
Jan 15, 2008

I AM
CONSISTENTLY
ANNOYING
...
JUST TERRIBLE


THIS BADGE OF SHAME IS WORTH 0.45 DOUBLE DRAGON ADVANCES

:dogout:
of SA-Mart forever

Whybird posted:

Nah, if you're really gonna splash out you gotta go for a full-fledged hedge dungeon, with multiple floors and secret passages and wandering topiary.

... and blackjack and hookers.

I'm actually obsessed now with the idea of an entire dungeon made from hedges. We had one floor of Undermountain that was basically that crossed with Alice in Wonderland, but not the whole dungeon.

Yawgmoth
Sep 10, 2003

This post is cursed!

Splicer posted:

That sounds expensive. Fortunately I have a hedge fund.
Sounds risky too. It's always best to hedge your bets.

Agrikk
Oct 17, 2003

Take care with that! We have not fully ascertained its function, and the ticking is accelerating.

Yawgmoth posted:

Sounds risky too. It's always best to hedge your bets.

Please. Tell us how you really feel. Don’t beat around the bush on this.

Jeffrey of YOSPOS
Dec 22, 2005

GET LOSE, YOU CAN'T COMPARE WITH MY POWERS
Look, in rpgs, every maze has a minotaur in it. It's just how it is. They grow there. The plastic toy you get for a quarter at the grocery store where you move a little marble around a little maze has a minotaur in it. Deal with it.

CobiWann
Oct 21, 2009

Have fun!

Agrikk posted:

Please. Tell us how you really feel. Don’t beat around the bush on this.

These comments are really growing on me.

Subjunctive
Sep 12, 2006

✨sparkle and shine✨

Jeffrey of YOSPOS posted:

Look, in rpgs, every maze has a minotaur in it. It's just how it is. They grow there. The plastic toy you get for a quarter at the grocery store where you move a little marble around a little maze has a minotaur in it. Deal with it.

The little ones are adorable. :kimchi:

Splicer
Oct 16, 2006

from hell's heart I cast at thee
🧙🐀🧹🌙🪄🐸

Jeffrey of YOSPOS posted:

Look, in rpgs, every maze has a minotaur in it. It's just how it is. They grow there. The plastic toy you get for a quarter at the grocery store where you move a little marble around a little maze has a minotaur in it. Deal with it.
Step 1) learn how to tame and educate a Minotaur
Step 1) find the smallest simplest object that counts as a maze
Step 3) nanotech

Splicer
Oct 16, 2006

from hell's heart I cast at thee
🧙🐀🧹🌙🪄🐸
Microtaurs

thespaceinvader
Mar 30, 2011

The slightest touch from a Gol-Shogeg will result in Instant Death!
I wonder where the point is that the definition happens, and how selective you can be. Because brains are really complex mazes, and manifesting a minotaur inside someone's skill seems like a good way to telefrag them.

Splicer
Oct 16, 2006

from hell's heart I cast at thee
🧙🐀🧹🌙🪄🐸
Most of your motile cells are just tiny specialised minotaurs. Vaccines are low level encounters they cheese for XP and equipment

Pollyanna
Mar 5, 2005

Milk's on them.


The Minotaur gets annoyed that you’ve invaded her home but figures that it’d be worth a laugh to watch these dipshits try and get out so she just makes some popcorn.

thespaceinvader
Mar 30, 2011

The slightest touch from a Gol-Shogeg will result in Instant Death!
Do minotaurs reproduce by drawing mazes?

What happens if you just draw the maze then erase it?

Do 2d mazes generate 2d minotaurs?

chitoryu12
Apr 24, 2014

thespaceinvader posted:

I wonder where the point is that the definition happens, and how selective you can be. Because brains are really complex mazes, and manifesting a minotaur inside someone's skill seems like a good way to telefrag them.

A supers game where one person's power is to manifest a minotaur inside anything that could conceivably be called a maze or labyrinth. This extends to metaphorical mazes, like a complex political situation or dealing with an angry spouse who just keeps telling you "I'm fine" and saying "Nothing" when you ask what's wrong.

thespaceinvader
Mar 30, 2011

The slightest touch from a Gol-Shogeg will result in Instant Death!

chitoryu12 posted:

A supers game where one person's power is to manifest a minotaur inside anything that could conceivably be called a maze or labyrinth. This extends to metaphorical mazes, like a complex political situation or dealing with an angry spouse who just keeps telling you "I'm fine" and saying "Nothing" when you ask what's wrong.

Better: someone whose power is to *become* the minotaur in that context.

CzarChasm
Mar 14, 2009

I don't like it when you're watching me eat.

chitoryu12 posted:

A supers game where one person's power is to manifest a minotaur inside anything that could conceivably be called a maze or labyrinth. This extends to metaphorical mazes, like a complex political situation or dealing with an angry spouse who just keeps telling you "I'm fine" and saying "Nothing" when you ask what's wrong.

This is less a maze and more an out and out trap

Bieeanshee
Aug 21, 2000

Not keen on keening.


Grimey Drawer

chitoryu12 posted:

A supers game where one person's power is to manifest a minotaur inside anything

I got this far and remembered this comic:
https://www.smbc-comics.com/?id=499

Cartoon
Jun 20, 2008

poop
Wow! A whole bunch of great new rpg storie..... :eng99:

Reene
Aug 26, 2005

:justpost:

Hello friends. I am playing Burning Wheel again. Meet Johanna!



She's a 52 year old widow-turned Court Cleric and a bishop in the Church of Astaroth. (Not to be confused with the recently-displaced Temple of Astaroth. Their star maps are wrong.)

The game is basically a politicking conflict around the issue of succession. One PC, Michelina, is one of the many bastard children of the recently dead Sovereign, who are all vying for the throne. We're their retinue/household and the group includes the nanny/butler/spymaster Sabine, a chess prodigy turned battle mage after they got caught cheating at chess with magic named Lucien, and a priest (me) who thinks that particular noble is gonna establish a theocratic empire once they ascend to the throne so that's the horse she's backin'.

Tonight was session 2 and it was supposed to be the first small step in knocking out the opposition. The original plan was to show up to a party being thrown by a main rival, House Furies, in the dead Sovereign's honor and taint their famous wine so it tasted like poo poo and maybe made some people puke, then swoop in with our amazing wine, and we'd look great and they'd look like huge dumb idiots. Well first off, our loving nanny/butler/spymaster/apparently a poison-maker hosed up their alchemy rolls and instead of making something gross tasting that will maybe make some people throw up made something that will actually kill people and none of us knows this ICly.

Johanna brings the Court Cleric Giovanni attached to House Furies into this conspiracy, and he agrees to help taint the wine in return for us promising him the land we'll seize from this House later. Johanna leaves Lucien with him, he calls in George the big friendly strong dumb boy, then calls in the head vintner. They very nearly gently caress this up but they do beat the vintner unconscious, Lucien casts a spell to look like him so they can sneak in and poison the wine before it's served.

Meanwhile Johanna is back at the party. She spends some time rumormongering, finds out from the daughter of House Furies that her parents have been attending the religious services of the Temple instead of the good and proper Church, which she proceeds to let slip to a few choice people and finds out that this true for a number of our rival Houses.

Finally the head of House Furies cracks open his cask, toasts, takes a drink, and immediately starts choking and dying. The nanny/spymaster/APPARENTLY SURGEON runs up and is like OH gently caress HE CHOKIN and uses Misleading Diagnosis to give him an unnecessary tracheotomy which ensures he dies on the floor at his own party.

We all realize this has gotten slightly out of hand.

Michelina swoops in, takes charge, makes herself look fabulous with our help. Sabine informs the widow the wine has bad humors in it and she should not drink it lest she also choke. Johanna goes over to Giovanni who is like what the gently caress dude?? and mine, in complete sincerity, is like we had no idea and I have no idea what is happening...except I fail my persuade roll. So Giovanni goes uh huh sure let's go back to the chapel so we can uhhh chat about this then. The battle mage notices we're leaving in a hurry and tails us in hiding.

Soon as we get to the chapel, Giovanni goes GEORGE THROW JOHANNA IN THE CELLAR and I go nuh, pray to immobilize him and succeed by the skin of my teeth, and simultaneously Lucien makes the candle in Giovanni's hand loving explode because what's moderation precious

Johanna convinces George in a hurry that ahh, this is a terrible heresy that has brought an ill omen on this house and struck down its lord, and Giovanni the priest was in on it! Brother George you have a good heart I know you are true and faithful let's go expose this crime. George the big dumb lad goes "yeah okay that seems right" and chucks the unconscious and horribly burned Giovanni in the cellar with the vintner we beat unconscious earlier.

George then busts into the great hall where people are still freaking out about a noble dropping dead and goes IT WAS GIOVANNI THE PRIEST HE AND THE HOUSE OF FURIES ARE HERETICS AND JOHANNA WAS TRYING TO SAVE EVERYONE

and that is where we ended.

in summary,

Wrestlepig
Feb 25, 2011

my mum says im cool

Toilet Rascal
Great read and art Reene. I love burning wheel stories, they always end up as fiasco style messes.

Tuxedo Catfish
Mar 17, 2007

You've got guts! Come to my village, I'll buy you lunch.

this owns

Volmarias
Dec 31, 2002

EMAIL... THE INTERNET... SEARCH ENGINES...
Incompetent intrigue best intrigue

JustJeff88
Jan 15, 2008

I AM
CONSISTENTLY
ANNOYING
...
JUST TERRIBLE


THIS BADGE OF SHAME IS WORTH 0.45 DOUBLE DRAGON ADVANCES

:dogout:
of SA-Mart forever

quote:

House Furies

I initially misread this and panicked slightly. I just hope that it's a reference to the Erinyes and not a typo.

Reene
Aug 26, 2005

:justpost:

The aesthetic of the game is a mix of Roman and 15th century Italian so yah.

I think we're pretty much committed to an Inquisition at this point too so we'll see where next session gets us.

Agrikk
Oct 17, 2003

Take care with that! We have not fully ascertained its function, and the ticking is accelerating.

Reene posted:

The aesthetic of the game is a mix of Roman and 15th century Italian so yah.

I think we're pretty much committed to an Inquisition at this point too so we'll see where next session gets us.

Please say you’ll be quoting Mel Brooks at least once


https://youtu.be/LnF1OtP2Svk

DivineCoffeeBinge
Mar 3, 2011

Spider-Man's Amazing Construction Company

Volmarias posted:

Incompetent intrigue best intrigue

Agreed

I want to see more stories of Terrible Intrigue Attempts

it gives me flashback to Vampire LARPs

The Glumslinger
Sep 24, 2008

Coach Nagy, you want me to throw to WHAT side of the field?


Hair Elf
So in our game, there was an alchemist who we were kinda friendly with that we suspected of actually being evil and the last time we visited one person in our group made some crazy checks to figure out he was lying, but the rest failed them so we just thought he was being crazy. However, we put some more plot together and I figured out what he was doing (make potions to conceal alignment so corrupt paladins could continue to operate). It was one of those fun things where a lightbulb just went off and I was like Oh gently caress, Guys.

We try to figure out how to confront him and after a lot of hemming and hawing, I suggest the old deception plan. So we go to a local bakery and get a big tray of muffins and bring them to him as an apology. We get there and he was sick, so as I was walking in I just casually cast Remove Disease on him. Well, we end up confronting him and fighting him. I completely gently caress up all of my rolls during the fight and basically I'm completely useless, and I'm getting poo poo from the other guys in the group about only being useful for buffs and other running jokes. In the end, we manage to knock him out and get him in manacles. But we're all getting sick hanging out in his lair, so we chuck him in a bag of holding and teleport over the Cleric who we work for to let him deal with it.

Turns out the dude was a cancer mage and had been just about to launch his plan to infect the entire city. And since I had Removed Disease from him, I accidentally cut his HP in half before the fight even began. When the DM explained that, I just got the biggest :smug: look on my face, even though we had absolutely zero clue about him actually being a cancer mage since we had apparently missed all of the warning signs the DM gave us on the way.




Clerics: No longer totally useless


I also opened up a window to try to air the place out and kinda accidentally helped spread some of the plague :shrug:

Adventurers: The cause and solution to all of our problems

The Glumslinger fucked around with this message at 08:03 on Mar 3, 2019

Preechr
May 19, 2009

Proud member of the Pony-Brony Alliance for Obama as President
Nah, you’re just ensuring a steady stream of future work. Think like a consultant. When you’re the only one capable of providing a solution, there’s good money to be made prolonging the problem!

Agrikk
Oct 17, 2003

Take care with that! We have not fully ascertained its function, and the ticking is accelerating.
Background

quote:

My name is Th˙s of the Desert Sardi, Clan of the White Deer. I was born on the 12th day of the Month of the Deer during the Year of the Basilisk. I was the only son of Syrat, the chieftain of our tribe, and his consort Marta who died giving birth to me. Syrat was closed off about her and I never learned from whence she came or who her people were other than they we not Sardi. An only child, I was raised mostly by the clan’s Water Finder who taught me about the stars and the spirits and the power of living things and the power in the elements, though if she could somehow detect my abilities that would later manifest she never told.

Th˙s is my tribal name, though I sometimes go by Indirian or “Pepper” from my love of cooking. None of these are my True Name, of course. When I was born, my father whispered it into my ear and that secret probably died with him, but I get ahead of myself.

I am rather handsome if I do say so myself. I am shorter than average for my people though I retain the slightness of build and dark complexion of our clans of desert dwellers. I keep myself clean shaven and my shoulder-length black hair braided tight in lengths fastened at the ends with wood beads that I would eventually replace with silver once my wealth grew.

This journal will trace my story as I rose above the murder of my father and betrayal by my tribe to become the most powerful Archmage of the Roccanish Empire and the lands to the South, become the ruler of the Twin Jewels, and become the jailer of the Daughter of the Night.

Agrikk fucked around with this message at 07:19 on Mar 6, 2019

Agrikk
Oct 17, 2003

Take care with that! We have not fully ascertained its function, and the ticking is accelerating.
Betrayal

quote:

In those days I spent my time among my tribe in the Valley of Zinj (Sardi. “Barren Scorched Earth”) learning our history and the Way of Things from the Water Finder and learning how to be a wise and strong ruler at the knee of my father as he did business with the families of our clan and with other clans in the surrounding hills. But mostly I explored the dunes and hills with my friend Kunara getting into mischief like six year old boys can. Only later, in hindsight, while enslaved by Tovilis the Merchant, the animosity that Kunara’s family held for my father manifested to me and how, years before, my father had become chief of our clan over Kunara’s. Only later did I realize that my father’s falling suddenly ill was their doing and that when the Water Finder was driven off, so went the last hope of my becoming chief or even leading a normal life. All I knew then was that, when my father died, part of me died and I was suddenly alone in a very big world.

I will never forget those times. It was the Month of the Owl of my sixth year when my father suddenly took ill and Kunara’s mother suddenly and vocally laid the blame on the Water Finder. It was amazing how Arya was able to turn the tribe so suddenly against the Woman Who Heals. One day all is normal, and the next, my father is ill and the next the Water Finder is driven from the camp in disgrace to die alone and forgotten in the desert. A week later, my father lay dead in the ground and I walked with my only friend Kunara among the dunes and rocks. In the distance we spotted a merchant wagon being pulled by beasts of burden. Excited for a change from my world, we rushed to greet the wagon, but before I could get close I was struck from behind and I went down hard into the sand. Dazed, I rolled over and a form blocked out the bright light.

Kunara bent and took my walking staff from my nerveless fingers and said, “Goodbye Th˙s. Never come back.”

He swung my own trusty walking staff at my head and all went dark.

Agrikk fucked around with this message at 06:38 on Mar 6, 2019

the_steve
Nov 9, 2005

We're always hiring!

I'm liking this.
:munch:

PurpleXVI
Oct 30, 2011

Spewing insults, pissing off all your neighbors, betraying your allies, backing out of treaties and accords, and generally screwing over the global environment?
ALL PART OF MY BRILLIANT STRATEGY!
I'm not sure if non-personal experiences are acceptable content for this thread, but here's some loving poo poo:



:yikes: abounds. Literal non-consensual GM-enforced ERP.

Bieeanshee
Aug 21, 2000

Not keen on keening.


Grimey Drawer
"No, I'm going to FTB. loving the hell Back away from this server."

Wait, wait, wait. PUT IN A SITUATION where you are both ERPing.

PUT IN A SITUATION.

Dawgstar
Jul 15, 2017

"You arrive at an inn. The lights are low, save for the candles on the table. The bard on stage sounds exactly like Barry White."

Although for serious ha ha screw all that.

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Splicer
Oct 16, 2006

from hell's heart I cast at thee
🧙🐀🧹🌙🪄🐸

PurpleXVI posted:

I'm not sure if non-personal experiences are acceptable content for this thread, but here's some loving poo poo:



:yikes: abounds. Literal non-consensual GM-enforced ERP.
Contextually that looks like a typo. It says they must both agree, the next sentence only makes sense if there's a missing "not" between will and be

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