(Thread IKs:
Josherino)
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I'm currently looking for a permanent job. I want do something more fulfilling, but any possibility to get into an industry I do care about (art) will be a stressful uphill battle because my parents thought an art degree was useless. I was a stupid 18 year old who couldn't stand up for myself or do some research on majors that could have both satisfied my desire to be creative and get me a decent job. Now I stuck with student loan debt and a deep resentment towards my parents.
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Mar 4, 2019 20:09
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gonna quit my job this month with about 3 months rent in the bank I can always work at the hardware store in the meantime for a little over minimum wage while waiting for responses from other work
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Mar 4, 2019 20:34
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Zvahl posted:some stuff Hey friend, sorry you're feeling like that  I totally know that feeling of emptiness where stuff that used to bring joy just doesn't anymore. I'd definitely recommend therapy at the minimum, just for the benefit of having someone completely neutral give you insights into what you're feeling and offer solutions to help. I will say though, meds have helped me a ton with managing depression. It took some trial & error but once I started taking Lexapro (an SSRI), I just felt better, like a cloud was lifted. The empty feelings still come and go, but the difference now is I know how to manage that stuff. I just found this thread but if you just need someone to chat with, I'll gladly get plat so we can PM. Take care friend 
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Mar 4, 2019 21:51
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Mar 4, 2019 22:22
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idc I wanna be friends with that sad lil avocado frog  e: avoca-toad
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Mar 4, 2019 22:47
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Chokes McGee posted:loving finally. Got the book and med list out, also included Bearded Whiteguy's posts about DBT because it's all the rage these days (for good reason, it seems). Thanks for making and keeping up with this thread fam, I appreciate it. One small concern: the YouTube link under the DBT section points to watch?v=Playlist. Anybody have the link for the video series that bearded guy was intending? quote:2. DBT Training series - https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=playlist If you can't get into a group therapy or program, this is a good video series (though it's a bit boring, sorry...) that goes over it.
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Mar 4, 2019 23:41
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Mar 5, 2019 02:01
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I was on meds and seeing a therapist but I ended up going 5k in debt from all the new appointments, meds, studies, lost work hours. so I’ve just decided to let myself slowly go insane, help is for some people but not all, consider manic depression as a viable alternative to poverty.
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Mar 5, 2019 02:40
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Mordor She Wrote posted:I was on meds and seeing a therapist but I ended up going 5k in debt from all the new appointments, meds, studies, lost work hours. so I’ve just decided to let myself slowly go insane, help is for some people but not all, consider manic depression as a viable alternative to poverty. Two things here: 1) The American healthcare system is hideously barbaric and I'm really sorry you've had the experiences you've had. Please please please reach out to NAMI. They specialize in helping people with little to no resources of their own get the help they need, and while they can't provide meds, they can provide counseling and redirect you to local sliding scale p-docs who will charge you way less. 2) Help is for everyone. Please don't say stuff like this, it's a rule in the OP. Chokes McGee has issued a correction as of 03:23 on Mar 5, 2019 |
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Mar 5, 2019 03:19
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Zyla buddy you gotta do something nice for yourself, like go to a dollar store and buy a little buddha statue or something idk Doing a little something nice for yourself just because goes a long way hasegawa posted:Thanks for making and keeping up with this thread fam, I appreciate it. One small concern: the YouTube link under the DBT section points to watch?v=Playlist. Anybody have the link for the video series that bearded guy was intending? I'll PM him and see if I can get it fixed. e: welp nm he doesn't have plat Chokes McGee has issued a correction as of 03:23 on Mar 5, 2019 |
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Mar 5, 2019 03:20
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oh i should point out crazymeds https://crazymeds.net/pmwiki/pmwiki.php/Main/HomePage.html this is a mirror of the site its a very useful site for reading and discovering anectodal but conventional wisdom about the medications you take. I have found the reviews to be rather accurate in the 2 dozen or so medications i have taken. there's a lot of drama and controversy about the page's original author but you can ignore that... its a whole can of worms that isnt really important or relevant here some commentary from a psychiatrist here: https://slatestarcodex.com/2014/11/27/such-mixed-feelings-about-crazymeds/ also SSC is an interesting blog written by a pdoc that has many good opinions ( as well as some bad ones! this aint a full endorsement!!)
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Mar 5, 2019 03:32
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This image makes me smile
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Mar 5, 2019 03:40
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Hey OP thanks for making this thread, I just realized it was here. Glad there is somewhere to talk about how we can cope with the reality we find ourselves in.
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Mar 5, 2019 05:51
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Shifty Nipples posted:Hey OP thanks for making this thread, I just realized it was here. Glad there is somewhere to talk about how we can cope with the reality we find ourselves in. I'm gonna sound like a broken record but group is the most effective way I've seen of helping people heal/cope with mental illness, and this is essentially cspam's group therapy thread. 
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Mar 5, 2019 07:37
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I've spend most of last night awake with suicidal thoughts. I hurt myself now and then but suicide has been a while, I'm back with a therapist but I'm afraid/ashamed to tell them about my thoughts because I feel like I'm failing them. I am on anti-depressants but it's not helping. I go through the bare motions with difficulties, wash myself, eat but all I want to do is sit in a room with the lights off and die. I want to go back to hypomania, I was invincible then but I know I've lost it forever...I don't know what I'm trying to say here I just know I'm in trouble. My friends say I just need to go outside and stop being stuck in the past, I need to take walks and enjoy nature and...gently caress.
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Mar 5, 2019 13:27
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I hope this isn't prying, but how are you stuck in the past?
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Mar 5, 2019 13:46
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RandomPauI posted:I hope this isn't prying, but how are you stuck in the past? Because I keep going on and on about wanting my manias back. I lament that I wasn't able to finish school in a way that was satisfactory to me because I couldn't regulate myself well enough after forcing my way through school and couldn't finish an archeology course, or even English teacher. I feel like a leech because I can't work and the times I tried went disastrously. Basically I feel stupid constantly because I place too much importance in having a slip of paper. And my friends are rightly demanding I just shut the gently caress up.
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Mar 5, 2019 13:57
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This is going to sound really "therapist" of me but... Have you explored the different angles for why the degree is important to you? Thought about any latent significance? The degree might be the tip of the iceberg. If it so, well... The good news is, if you a better idea about the nature of the problem then it's easier to recover, heal, and grow. Please tell your therapist about the ideation. Thank you for reaching out.
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Mar 5, 2019 14:12
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Well I'd try and talk you outta thinking a return to mania is a good thing too lol Don't lie to your shrink. Tell them your meds aren't working and try different ones. I've seen people here remarking how one specific combination just loving worked for them one day. tell your friends to gently caress off with that "go for a walk in NATURE" bullshit though lol like it's some fix-all
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Mar 5, 2019 14:12
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Yeah, I still get people telling me to meditate. If someone is particularly persistent I'm forced to describe the visualisations that flood my mind when I try: they're about my torture and death. Even that isn't enough for some people.
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Mar 5, 2019 14:31
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An insane mind posted:I've spend most of last night awake with suicidal thoughts. I hurt myself now and then but suicide has been a while, I'm back with a therapist but I'm afraid/ashamed to tell them about my thoughts because I feel like I'm failing them. username/post Are you on lamictal by any chance? bipolar should NOT be treated by SSRIs alone. Bad things will happen. If lamictal won’t work, you may want to talk to your doctor about lithium. you should feel relaxed and evened out if your mania’s under control, not cratered.
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Mar 5, 2019 15:38
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Chokes McGee posted:Two things here: nah I probably make too much money for something like that, but not enough to actually afford to use my fancy insurance.
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Mar 5, 2019 15:39
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RandomPauI posted:Yeah, I still get people telling me to meditate. If someone is particularly persistent I'm forced to describe the visualisations that flood my mind when I try: they're about my torture and death. Even that isn't enough for some people. That’s supposed to be part of the process, though. Meditation is about idly observing your thoughts without chasing after them, not obliterating all thinking. I’m not saying to do if it causes you that much pain, but it’s a feature, not a bug.
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Mar 5, 2019 15:40
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Mordor She Wrote posted:nah I probably make too much money for something like that, but not enough to actually afford to use my fancy insurance. I’d look into NAMI anyway. They help everyone regardless, and they can get you into a group session. You don’t even have to share at first, you can just listen.
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Mar 5, 2019 15:41
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Chokes McGee posted:That’s supposed to be part of the process, though. Meditation is about idly observing your thoughts without chasing after them, not obliterating all thinking. I know the intent is to just sit and let the thoughts pass, but parts of my mind won't let go of things. How calm would you be if you saw yourself in a snuff torture porn and your emotions told you that you were a bad person and you deserved that fate? It is a horrible place to be mentally. I really hate people telling me I'm just doing it wrong as if I don't know what I'm experiencing.
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Mar 5, 2019 15:53
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RandomPauI posted:I know the intent is to just sit and let the thoughts pass, but parts of my mind won't let go of things. How calm would you be if you saw yourself in a snuff torture porn and your emotions told you that you were a bad person and you deserved that fate? It is a horrible place to be mentally. I "try" to remind myself that "deserve" doesn't exist, it's an idea made up by humans. I "try" to remove words like "should" from my thoughts.
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Mar 5, 2019 17:43
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How am I supposed to be mentally stable when the president isn't?
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Mar 5, 2019 18:12
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Yeah it's weird being held to a higher standard than the president of the United states
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Mar 5, 2019 18:13
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Poniard posted:Yeah it's weird being held to a higher standard than the president of the United states It's not just weird, it's actively harmful that Trump's mental state is so completely normalized.
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Mar 5, 2019 18:24
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RandomPauI posted:I know the intent is to just sit and let the thoughts pass, but parts of my mind won't let go of things. How calm would you be if you saw yourself in a snuff torture porn and your emotions told you that you were a bad person and you deserved that fate? It is a horrible place to be mentally. Meditation can absolutely make mental health worse. https://www.nhs.uk/news/lifestyle-and-exercise/does-meditation-carry-a-risk-of-harmful-side-effects/ quote:The study does make an important point, however, at a time when mindfulness and meditation has become more popular, that the effects of meditation are not always positive or harmless. Some people in the study reported feeling depressed or suicidal, and a few needed treatment in hospital as a result. https://tonic.vice.com/en_us/article/vbaedd/meditation-is-a-powerful-mental-tool-and-for-some-it-goes-terribly-wrong quote:Around ten years ago, she started Cheetah House, which specializes in taking care of meditators in distress. (Its name is a play on the Pali and Sanskrit word citta, which means “mind.”) Britton gets referrals from meditation centers, meditation teachers, and now apps as well, which she describes as “the new frontier of completely unsupervised meditation in mass quantities.” (Headspace and Calm did not respond to multiple requests for comment on this story.)
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Mar 5, 2019 18:25
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it’s helped me.  Everybody is different, though. No two mental health strategies are the same, really.
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Mar 5, 2019 18:32
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I've been trying to secure dental insurance for my broken and cavity filled teeth and its got me reflecting on the overwhelming depression I feel all the time. I have a therapist and I'm on suboxone which keeps me functional as a non-junkie, which let me finish graduate school, but in the year since I got my master's I've been unemployed and every day that passes I become less employable because I'm not employed, in an endless cycle of shame and failure. I've been depressed and on/off medication my whole life but dealing with the reality that I am totally unwanted by society and don't have a productive role to play anywhere is really overwhelming, and its been slowly overtaking my capacity to rationally analyze my place in the world. What sucks, I guess, is in the past I've been able to solve my mental problems (or ameliorate them temporarily) by doing things I was "supposed" to do, like take medication and get good grades in school. I've been depressed with varying degrees of intensity my whole life, and I'm mostly a profoundly miserable misanthrope, but there have been couple-month-long windows where I was doing okay with a girlfriend and social life while working as a TA, which is why I don't have any debt. So I don't have to worry about that, but outside of having a net worth of zero instead of negative something I have nothing going for me. Its like, I tried the things you're supposed to do in order to progress, but now I'm out of options besides things that are so miserable I have a hard time contemplating them, returning to retail feels like the brain equivalent of staring at the sun. Deep down I often wish that I'd get hit by a car and crippled or something because I've kind of let go of fantasies of a middle class existence with a career and SO and stuff, but I know there's some pleasure to be eked out of life sitting inside smoking weed and reading stuff/playing videogames, but I don't have any excuse to do that because I'm a normal, capable person who just hasn't amounted to anything. It makes me think about something from an episode of the x-files quote:You know, it's interesting you should say that, because I've always wanted a peg leg. It's a boyhood thing I never grew out of. I'm not being flippant, I've given this a lot of thought. I mean, if you have a peg leg or hooks for hands then maybe it's enough to simply keep on living. You know, bravely facing life with your disability. But without these things you're actually meant to make something of your life, achieve something earn a raise, wear a necktie. So if anything, I'm actually the antithesis of Ahab, because if I did have a peg leg, I'd quite possibly be more happy and more content not to be chasing after these creatures of the unknown. I'm glad there's a thread for this in cspam because I have nobody to really say these things to that doesn't respond with platitudes or suggestions that I materialize a part-time job out of thin air/dehumanize myself and face a life of more grinding misery than I can handle.
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Mar 5, 2019 18:42
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RandomPauI posted:I know the intent is to just sit and let the thoughts pass, but parts of my mind won't let go of things. How calm would you be if you saw yourself in a snuff torture porn and your emotions told you that you were a bad person and you deserved that fate? It is a horrible place to be mentally.
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Mar 5, 2019 18:47
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while we’re talking about letting things out, check out the Mood app on iOS (maybe android?) if you have the time. it’s buggy and needs to be restarted a lot sometimes, but mood tracking is very good for bipolar/depression and figuring out what triggers you. beyond that, though, it has a couple of neat features: anonymous live rant, where you can take two minutes to say anything you want to the crowd and they can only respond with emojis, and a board where you can post anonymous declarations and get canned responses back. It’s really fascinating and I’m giving it a shot.
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Mar 5, 2019 18:58
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Frog Act posted:I'm glad there's a thread for this in cspam because I have nobody to really say these things to that doesn't respond with platitudes or suggestions that I materialize a part-time job out of thin air/dehumanize myself and face a life of more grinding misery than I can handle.
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Mar 5, 2019 19:02
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mekyabetsu posted:I’ll spare you the platitudes and just say that I’ve had a lot of similar thoughts, and I’m glad you posted them. Also, now I want to watch the X-Files when I get home. There’s something about the mood and feel of that show that makes me feel cozy and safe. doo dee doot dee dooooooo
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Mar 5, 2019 19:07
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Shifty Nipples posted:I "try" to remind myself that "deserve" doesn't exist, it's an idea made up by humans. I "try" to remove words like "should" from my thoughts. This is the first thing they told me at my therapy group after I got out of the hospital. It really helped me feel content with myself after it finally sunk in. With regards to the meditation, one exercise that helped me was naming my negative feelings/thoughts. For some reason, visualizing them with human qualities helps me because I treat it like a person I choose to avoid. For example, at times when I'm not quite suicidal, but on that line of thinking, thinking of it like this works for me: "Oh hey heroin dealer, I don't want none of that poo poo. Cya." It's probably a stupid analogy but I get the most benefit from meditation this way.
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Mar 5, 2019 19:13
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RoboFrance_29 posted:This is the first thing they told me at my therapy group after I got out of the hospital. It really helped me feel content with myself after it finally sunk in. It has helped me quite a bit to alleviate feelings of guilt about stuff I "should" do and the feeling that I am being punished for something. I was born with Spina Bifida so I am permanently physically disabled, from that I have always dealt with feeling like the reason I did not succeed in something I set out to do is because I did not try hard enough but in reality stuff is just hard to do. Shifty Nipples has issued a correction as of 20:24 on Mar 5, 2019 |
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Mar 5, 2019 20:19
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turd in my singlet posted:Meditation can absolutely make mental health worse. I lost track of those posts years ago, but if I come across them again I'll link 'em here.
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Mar 5, 2019 23:00
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just got word from NAMI about my lived experienced presentation training  gonna tell the whole world about my broke brains
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Mar 5, 2019 23:50
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