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- Jim puts his pants on his head and his shirt on his legs and walks around on his hands so it looks like he has a butt for a face. Dwight scolds Jim for being childish and Jim sprays diarrhea on him in response. Jim’s butt muggs the camera. - Jim puts his pants on his head and his shirt on his legs and walks around on his hands so it looks like he has a butt for a face. Pam and Dwight look on sadly through the observation window of Jim’s padded cell. Jim’s butt muggs the camera. - Jim fills Dwight’s phone with plastic explosives and plants an anonymous tip with the Mossad that Dwight was involved in the Munich Olympics attack.
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Mar 25, 2019 03:28
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| # ? May 31, 2024 00:32 |
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The Hejimony mega cruiser places itself between the Schrute Collective's last remaining star and their peaceful agricultural society, cutting off the entire solar system from that which brings it life. Jim Prime wheezes out his order to bring the Mose cousinhood's most revered abbot to his throne room. Supreme Cousin Mose is thrust to the immaculately clean floor in front of His Holiness. The abbot retches in disgust at the Primarch. Few living have seen his face. It is a cancerous mask of living tissue stretched grotesquely over cybernetic implants, fusing him permanently to his throne. "Know ye now the price of insolence. Fire the Jell-o beam." The Supreme cousin can only gasp as he watches his home system become encased entirely within a colossal Jell-o mold. PAM #4597 watches in disgust as these peacful, martial arts loving people are encased in their lemon flavored hell. She allows the images to be cybernetically seen by all the Beesly Sisterhood at once. They are reminded of their original purpose. The belief Jim Prime foolishly thought he bred out of them. Their distant clone memory: the ancient warrior who once stood against Jim Prime. PAM #4597 feverishly pecks the secret code into her nearest terminal. They know the time is ripe. The Beesly Sisterhood will secretly clone the ancient one known as Roy. grittyreboot fucked around with this message at 09:38 on Mar 25, 2019 |
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Mar 25, 2019 09:06
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Battle Angel Pam.
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Mar 25, 2019 09:06
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Heard joke once: Man goes to doctor. Says he's depressed. Says life seems harsh and cruel. Says he feels all alone in a threatening world where what lies ahead is vague and uncertain. Doctor says, "Treatment is simple. Great salesman Dwight is in town tonight. Go and prank him. That should pick you up." Man bursts into tears. Says, "But doctor...I am Dwight. Doctor laughes and says, "I know." Then spills water on man's lap so it looks as if he has wet himself. Doctor mugs towards camera. Good joke. Everybody laugh. Roll on snare drum. Curtains.
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Mar 25, 2019 09:40
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The Lobotomy Kid posted:Heard joke once: Man goes to doctor. Says he's depressed. Says life seems harsh and cruel. Says he feels all alone in a threatening world where what lies ahead is vague and uncertain. Doctor says, "Treatment is simple. Great salesman Dwight is in town tonight. Go and prank him. That should pick you up." Man bursts into tears. Says, "But doctor...I am Dwight. Doctor laughes and says, "I know." Then spills water on man's lap so it looks as if he has wet himself. Doctor mugs towards camera. Good joke. Everybody laugh. Roll on snare drum. Curtains.
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Mar 25, 2019 10:01
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- Jim injects bee eggs into his testicles and waits for them to mature. When the time is right, he bangs Dwight in the rear end, filling Dwight's anal cavity with angry bees. - Jim buys Dwight tickets to go on a cruise. He doesn't have to do anything else because the cruise inevitably ends in disaster. - Jim encases Dwight's stapler in molten iron.
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Mar 25, 2019 14:06
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Yo thanks to whoever bought me this avatar. What a great story.
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Mar 25, 2019 20:33
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"Fly faster, Dwight! God awaits thee in Heaven!" Dwight flapped his wings as hard as he could as he followed Jim upward to the Gates of Heaven. As he rose above the clouds, he saw God Himself, smiling as he came near. Suddenly, Dwight's wings stopped moving. He looked back in panic, and discovered they were encased with jello. As Dwight fell screaming to the underworld, Jim smirked to the camera.
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Mar 25, 2019 22:34
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Dwight takes a sip of fresh coffee and finds the taste to be quite odd. Before he can ask if someone allowed Phyllis to brew the pot using her filthy herpes-ridden hands Jim comes up from behind him and whispers in Dwight's ear. "I nut in that." Horrified Dwight spits out hot coffee onto his computer, ruining it. He goes to take a swig from his water bottle desperate to get the taste of semen out of him mouth, but he catches Jim's smirk out of the corner of his eye. Jim smiles wider and nods. "I nut in that." Throwing the water in the trash, Dwight scrambles in his desk and pulls out his sack lunch, and removes the BLT (beet, lettuce, tomato) from inside, relieved to still see it sealed in it's ziplock bag. He goes to take a bite to mask Jim's increasingly intimate flavor on his tongue, but stops when he sees the sandwich dripping with mayonnaise. But... He didn't make it with mayo today. Dwight's face whips around to look incredulously at Jim. Jim laughs. "I nut in that." Dwight sprints to the men's room and kicks down the second to last stall door, knocking out Toby who had been making GBS threads inside. Dwight climbs over Toby's unconscious body and lifts the cover off the back of the toilet, and removes the MRE he had stashed inside in a waterproof bag, one of hundreds throughout the office that he has hid over the years in case of an apocalypse. And currently the overpowering presence of Jim on his taste buds was certainly approaching apocalyptic. He rips open the bag and takes out one of the pouches, a bag of cherry cobbler. Behind him Dwight hears the bathroom door open just as he is about to dump the food in his mouth. But he stops when he hears, "I nut in that." Dwight remains frozen for several heartbeats before dropping the cobbler and slowly turning to face his tormentor. "The one hidden in the seat of the forklift?" He asks with a shaky voice. "I nut in that." "The one in a false bottom in Andy's desk?" "I nut in that." "The... The one in the roof HVAC unit?" "I nut in that." Dwight sobs, he is nearly broken. "The water cooler." He asks as a last, desperate plea. Surely Jim wouldn't contaminate something so public. "I. Nut. In. That!" Dwight runs screaming from the restroom, sobbing and wailing to his car, which he drives hysterically away. He drives to a liquor store and buys a sealed bottle of bourbon, and at last finds respite. Later that night Dwight finds himself at home and sobbing when his loving wife Angela comes to console him. "I know what will make you feel better, hun. Come and get...dinner." She says in a husky, suggestive voice. Yes, Dwight decides, that does sound nice. Making love to his wife will help lift his spirits. And he has always been proud of his skills at the arts of oral pleasure. But he stops halfway to his knees. A single crystal clear thought suddenly dominates his mind as he looks at the love of his wife. Four little words. "I nut in that."
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Mar 25, 2019 23:04
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Jim files Dwight's taxes without his permission or knowledge. Dwight ends up with an ample return weeks before he would have even began to prepare the taxes on his own. He should not have been relying on Mose's accounting skills. Jim did not cut any corners or do anything shady, but he found several agricultural exemptions that Dwight had not been previously taking advantage of. Dwight is ecstatic. Jim mugs the camera. Stanley says something sarcastic.
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Mar 25, 2019 23:20
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"Dwight, hey buddy, you okay? The operation's all over!" Dwight wearily opens his eyes and looks around. He's in a hospital bed, but he doesn't remember going in for an operation. Was he sick? Did something happen? He tries to stretch and realizes, with a growing terror, that he can't feel his legs. He can see them under the covers of the bed, and he almost swears they're moving, but he can't feel them. "Oh yeah, the leg thing. Listen, this is going to take a bit of an adjustment, but I think you'll get used to not having any legs anymore. I mean, I did let you keep the arms, didn't I?" Dwight feels sick to his stomach now as he slowly clenches his fists. Thank God he can at least feel those. What the hell happened? What kind of accident was he in? And why is Jim's voice so loud? "You always had stronger arms than me, I'm a big enough guy to admit that. But I couldn't have you running away, so that's why we kept my legs. Pretty good idea, huh?" Dwight starts to feel his chest, moving very carefully to be sure he doesn't unplug anything that needs plugged in or loosen any bandages that need to stay on. His upper chest feels sore, and strange. He feels a weird lump and cautiously moves around it. Below the lump there's something warm and wet - an open wound? Oh God, they forgot to sew something closed! Then the wound starts to move - starts to talk. "Hey buddy, keep your fingers out of our mouth, okay? Jeez, were you raised in a barn? Actually, that might explain some things...." Dwight has already figured it out, but uses his fingers to confirm the awful horror. He feels the lump, more confidently this time, and understands exactly what it is. He slowly moves his fingers and feels two fuzzy bumps which flutter at his touch. Two eyes. Yes. Yes of course. Two eyes to go with a nose. Add a mouth, and you have a whole face, don't you? "Pretty good prank, isn't it? I sewed my face on your chest! And now I work everything below the belt - THAT'S WHAT SHE SAID!" The Jim-face laughs maniacally and Dwight's chest burns with pain. He can feel stitches tearing and sore muscles screaming in pain. Dwight's screaming now, too, even though he hasn't realized it yet.
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Mar 26, 2019 17:10
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-shoots dwight twice in the back of the head
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Mar 26, 2019 17:59
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i read an article that posited that jim totally banged that hot coworker in florida after playing up how hard he wsa trying to keep her away for the cameras evidence: -jim is a piece of trash and his wife is really kinda awful -that woman was wayyyyy cute -literally everyone on this goddamn show cheats or is cheated on, like, everyone. friggin' Angela is out horndogging it up on multiple occasions,
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Mar 26, 2019 19:04
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Jim fucks recyclops wife
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Mar 26, 2019 19:20
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Jim asks Dwight how he's handling the recent death of his mother and then when Dwight starts to answer, voice quivering, Jim grabs the TV remote, makes unflinching eye contact, and turns the volume up loud enough to rattle the windows.
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Mar 29, 2019 23:15
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Jim tricks Dwight into enacting the Bay of Pigs invasion
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Mar 31, 2019 17:12
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Jim assassinates Dwight, but makes it look like a lone Creed. Mose starts putting the pieces together...
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Apr 1, 2019 15:35
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-Jim introduces Dwight to the new Oculus Rift edition of Asassin's Creed. "Wow, the feedback on this game is really reaslistic! I feel like I'm actually killing people!" says Dwight as he unwittingly hacks his coworkers to bits. Safe in a far corner, Jim smirks.
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Apr 1, 2019 16:15
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Jim finds the fabled Fountain of Youth and uses it to spike Dwight's coffee, giving him the dread curse of immortality. Dwight's unending life renders all memories insignificant flashes against the horror of infinite time. He becomes a shrieking, baseless thing, hideous and unloved by all.
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Apr 1, 2019 17:55
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-Dwight slowly pulls up to the office, his car blasting some sort of Eastern European folk music. He looks into the camera. “Subscribe to Pewdiepie”
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Apr 1, 2019 17:57
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Jim finishes writing his magnum opus - The Anti-Bible, preaching the Word of the almighty idiot Un-God. He converts most of Scranton to his religion, all of this unbeknownst to Dwight. A hot sales lead comes in, and Jim tells Dwight that the best way to get the sale would be to attend church with the client, since he's a very religious man. Dwight agrees, and heads off to the Bone Chapel of Scranton, headquarters for Jim's Anti-Religion. Dwight sits through the entire ceremony, from the ritual of the weeping shadows to the consumption of the bone shavings. At the end of the 4 hour long event Jim bursts out of the ornamental Womb of Unbecoming and announces that he already signed the contract with Dwight's client. But, Dwight's made such a good impression on the congregation that he's being offered up as a sacrifice to the Un-God. As Dwight is slowly and painfully erased from existence by the Powers of the Idiot Un-God, Jim smugly smiles at the camera.
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Apr 1, 2019 18:10
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Jim swaps Dwight’s keyboard with a slightly smaller one that causes numerous typos.
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Apr 1, 2019 18:20
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Dwight farts and Jim says OH MY GOD YOU FARTED really loud and it's like soooo embarrassing.
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Apr 1, 2019 19:29
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Jim crams a funnel down Dwight’s throat while Dwight is asleep and pours his stomach full of uncooked rice. The next morning when Dwight complains of stomach distress, Jim smirkingly offers him a glass of water.
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Apr 2, 2019 03:42
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Jim blows up the Earth, which is the planet Dwight lives on.
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Apr 2, 2019 04:34
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Invader Jim
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Apr 4, 2019 14:44
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Jim stands in front of Dwight's desk on one gray December morning, bends to his ear, and whispers "They're here." He then collapses dead of a massive stroke. Dwight is haunted by this bizarre event and spends the following 2 days distraught. He attends Jim's funeral where Pam begs him to explain what Jim said before his death. Dwight, feeling that he must protect whatever bizarre secret Jim told him, simply says that Jim's last words were "I love Pam." That night Dwight hears a tapping on his bedroom window and awakens to see 2 glowing red eyes peering in. By the time he gets out of bed the eyes have disappeared and there's no sign that anything was outside the window. Dwight takes a personal day off of work the next day. Trying to clear his mind, Dwight picks up one of his favorite books. The book has been hollowed out, and tucked inside is a glass vial with a neon blue liquid in it. Suspended in the liquid is a tiny metal ball with a long, hair-thin wire attached to it. When he touches the vial he can feel it faintly vibrating. He is startled by the sudden sound of a truck driving away outside and drops the vial, which shatters. The blue liquid smells vaguely of Jim's cologne. The metal ball rolls into the crack between two floorboards and falls into the basement. Dwight decides to focus on the truck first and looks outside, finding a giant wooden crate placed by his mailbox. Suddenly he hears a pounding sound coming from the basement. The cameraman filming all of this suddenly turns the camera on himself. It's Jim.
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Apr 4, 2019 15:21
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this was a good thread, I liked it a lot
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May 4, 2019 18:27
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Jim ignores Dwight for so long Dwight is convinced he is a ghost
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May 4, 2019 19:38
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the Office was an excellent look at the lower middle class
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May 4, 2019 19:40
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Jim murders Dwight and then brings him back with a most foul necromantic ritual, his soul forever bound to him.
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May 4, 2019 20:34
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dwite get ipad
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May 4, 2019 20:37
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Jim say fart Dwight do a fart errbody laugh
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May 4, 2019 20:45
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Jim bears false witness against Dwight to the county sheriff and gets him hanged in town square
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May 5, 2019 05:04
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Cubone posted:this was a good thread, I liked it a lot Yay thx!
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May 5, 2019 05:35
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Dwight buys a vr headset. He loads up a game that allows you to gently caress an anime, and wow, it's so realistic, even the physical sensations are real, he has never had such amazing sex in his entire life But the vr headset is just a pair of cardboard glasses and the anime is actually Jim in costume
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Jun 7, 2019 22:03
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QuarkJets posted:Dwight buys a vr headset. He loads up a game that allows you to gently caress an anime, and wow, it's so realistic, even the physical sensations are real, he has never had such amazing sex in his entire life Yet another use for Asian Jim?
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Jun 7, 2019 22:07
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jim cums knowingly on the camera
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Jun 7, 2019 22:08
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Jim tricks Dwight into worshipping the materialistic Demiurge and his false promises of salvation instead of breaking the cycle of reincarnation by becoming one with the Godhead via gnosis. He then mugs to the camera.
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Jun 7, 2019 22:08
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| # ? May 31, 2024 00:32 |
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Jim tricks Dwight into voting for Ron Paul
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Jun 7, 2019 22:15
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