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esperterra
Mar 24, 2010

SHINee's back




lmao that show also robbed us of the first Dany actress

Camelot sucks but Eva Green as Morgan was some inspired casting

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The MUMPSorceress
Jan 6, 2012


^SHTPSTS

Gary’s Answer

esperterra posted:

lmao that show also robbed us of the first Dany actress

Camelot sucks but Eva Green as Morgan was some inspired casting

You just want to gently caress Eva green

PupsOfWar
Dec 6, 2013

shes a good actress in those roles brent

esperterra
Mar 24, 2010

SHINee's back




jit bull transpile posted:

You just want to gently caress Eva green

I mean yeah but that's partially because talented actors turn me on tbh and she has talent in spaaadesss betchhh

some bust on that guy
Jan 21, 2006

This avatar was paid for by the Silent Majority.
I wonder if this season will be the one where Winnie the Pooh finally makes an appearance.

quote:

He didn't remember being captured.

Jaimie struggled against his bonds but found the act fruitless. He was surprised to find that he still had his golden hand on. How did they capture him?

He saw his men lying on the ground, dead or dying. His squire Peck was tied to a tree and Sir Payne was tied to his horse. Why kill everyone and us these three?

The men who now had control of his camp were everywhere. They wore bright yellow armor and had a signet of a dragon rapped around a tree. Odd. He had never seen armor like this before. What was going on?

Jaimie saw the smallest man walking towards him. At first, for half a second, he believed it too be Tyrion but this man was unbelievably shorter than Tryion he was. His body was covered in the same strange yellow armor and helmet but with a red strip across his chest.

"Hmm hehehe. Kinslayer!" The short yellow man said.

"Do I know you?"

"Oh brotha, don't tell me you've forgotten me already?"

Startled, Jaime gasped. "Impossible. You're supposed to be dead!" He whispered hoarsely.

"MMmm hmhmhmhmmmm! I'm a lot harder to kill." The yellow man lifted off his helmet and revealed a face he hadn't seen in 15 years.

"Winnie the Pooh!" Jaime said disbelieving. "My father destroyed your house 15 years ago."

A pink armored man came up beside Pooh. He could only be none other than Sir Piglet. "Oh D-d-d-dear-dear! You shut your mouth Kinslayer! The 100 Acre Wood lives on in the hearts of those who still remember!"

"Your house is dead and the memories as well. All I see is a bunch of broken animals."

"Bastard!" Piglet pulled out his sword.

"No Piglet. Death is too easy. I want to savor my revenge. I'll have my revenge! Tigger, bend him over!"

"That's what tiggers do best!"

"Afraid of me even now Pooh? Why don't you fight me, single combat? Too cowardly to fight a cripple?"

"No..." Pooh pulled down his breeches. His magnificent golden penis stood in the air like a golden statue. It made his golden hand look like dull copper. "I prefer to make you suffer!"

Jaimie's breeches were pulled off. "You bastard..."

"You'll enjoy this as much as I will."

He remembered what he had told Brienne that day. When it happened, you had to go inside yourself. Endure.

All thoughts left his mind when Winnie the Pooh shoved his ten inch penis inside Jaimie Lannister's rear end.

Jaimie screamed louder than he had when his hand was cut off. In some ways, this was far, far worse. Winnie the Pooh was loving him in the rear end!

And too his shame, this was also far, far better than times with Cersei.

Winnie the Pooh pumped Jaimie from behind like a wild animal. It was both horrible pain and addictive pleasure. He didn't know whether he was moaning from his tearing rear end or the pulsing pleasure.

Out of no where, Kylaer, Dendra, and Bummey walked in the clearing. They saw Jaimie Lannister, looked at each other in confusion, than backed away slowly into the unknown.

Jaimie gasped. The pressure from his rear end was gone. He was already missing the pleasure. He had time long enough to see Sir Payne getting raped from behind by Piglet before his line of vision was cut off by Winnie the Pooh's massive member.

"You moan too much..." Before Jaimie had time to reply, his mouth was penetrated. He resisted at first, but found himself not resisting hard. It was so wrong, but felt so, so right.

It was over fast. He felt Pooh shudder and release his seed in Jaimie's mouth.

"*cough* Dear god... it... *cough* taste like honey." It was the most wonderful taste he had ever tasted.

"Kinslayer... you are now my wife." Pooh announced.

"Yes..." Jaimie wheezed and swallowed.

"You are going to live a long time Kinslayer." Winnie the Pooh shuddered. "Only you remember my true identity. Only you remember my real name."

"Winnie the Pooh..." Jaimie said slowly. "Targaryen!"

iamsosmrt
Jun 14, 2008

some guy on the bus posted:

I wonder if this season will be the one where Winnie the Pooh finally makes an appearance.

Pshhh, what trash writing. Jaime's (they also misspelled this, amateurs!) known as the kingslayer not kinslayer.

V. Illych L.
Apr 11, 2008

ASK ME ABOUT LUMBER

i think that's from game of bones, which was e-published on amazon as a commercial title

some bust on that guy
Jan 21, 2006

This avatar was paid for by the Silent Majority.
It should have been! But that was actually a Bad Thread exclusive. It's just hard for an author to write when he's aroused and typing with one hand I think.

some bust on that guy
Jan 21, 2006

This avatar was paid for by the Silent Majority.

quote:

Catylen couldn’t remember much of anything. She remembered that she had a brother, a sister somewhere in the vale, and most importantly, her children. But it was the small details that she couldn’t remember. She had forgotten the sister’s name and had to be reminded daily. She knew the Lannisters had her brother-for which they would pay-but she didn’t remember what he was like or even what he looked like. Her unusual revival had burn away a former part of who she was.

Still, she remembered clearly other parts of her life. She remembered her children, her husband, and what had happened to her during the red wedding. Revenge was apart of her and revenge was cold. Cold like her heart, mind, and soul.

Her children were dead or missing and the Starks were virtually no more. She had the memories, but that’s all they were anymore. Now the only thing left were hate and vengeance.

She walked towards the end of the cave and met up with her new red priest, Bummey. In truth, she had no idea where the hell he came from but she used him none-the-less. The only thing she really knew about him was that he constantly muttered “that fat gently caress” in his sleep.

Bummey bowed his head as he approached. “We have captured him my Lady.”

She nodded and Bummey led the rest of the way.

She would get her revenge today.

She came towards the end of the cave where a man was sitting on the ground, hands bound behind him and face hooded. Bummey walked over towards the man and took off the hood. The man looked around, dazed and confused.

“Welcome Jon Snow.” She said weakly. She could speak more clearly after a fashion but it came out as a whisper more often than not. Still, she needed no one to translate for her anymore.

Jon looked up at Catylen. His features changed from confused to shock quickly. “You… you can’t be alive. You died!” He said disbelieving.

“Death holds no hands over me.” She said. “I was brought back, or at least most of me.”

“Mother…”

Catylen smacked him hard. “Don’t you dare call me mother! All my children are lost! You were never a Stark! Never. Bummey, gag him!”

Bummey placed a wad of used underwear from some fat author in Jon’s mouth. He made sounds, but no words came out.

“I have no children left, but I will have my revenge. I will kill all who betrayed me one by one. They took them all away, even my Ned, and I’ll never have them back. But I will have something back bastard!”

Bummey walked over to Jon and kissed him on the forehead. The fire from the red priest went into Jon Snow, convulsing inside his body. Jon let out a moan, whether from pain or pleasure she didn’t know. He stopped a few seconds later and looked at Cat with fear in his eyes.

Good.

Bummey took off Jon’s clothes. Catylen looked at Jon’s raging hard penis and nodded. “The fire that brought life back into me can also bring burning desire in you. I will never see Ned again and my children are lost to me. But I will have children of Ned’s blood; even if it has to be diluted by you bastard!"

She let her robe drop towards the ground. Her voice might be returning, but nothing else about her was. Her skin looked like curdled milk that would fall off to the touch. She was missing most of her hair and part of her breast had fallen off long ago. The scars from where she had clawed at her face were still there and looking fresh. Flaps of her skin hung lazily over her face.

Jon screamed through his gag.

(Please play this theme music for the remainder of the chapter. (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MKzqP4-0Z6M )

She pushed Jon on his back and mounted him. Her lower parts were cold and dry. It felt like a warm sausage going into a hole of sandpaper. Jon screamed again, but she ignored him. She let out a moan of pleasure that had nothing to do with Jon’s hard cock. She was cold, so very cold like a corpses and she suspected Jon felt the same from his shudders. She felt Jon’s warmth inside her, invading her like a rampaging boar.

The fire that was in Jon was taking over him. He gave into lust he wasn’t even aware of. He took his hands and rubbed all over her jello-like body. Blood ran down onto Jon’s body from her lower parts like the river she was dumped into. She closed her eyes and imagined that it was Ned who she was raping. “Ned…” she whispered.

Her cold, curdled body moved with a determined rhythm. There was blood everywhere now, which made her uncomfortably think of the Red Wedding. She cried out and pulled out a chunk of hair from her ruined scalp.

Jon was close to climaxing now. He shuttered, threw back his head, and screamed as rich, burning Stark juice shot inside Catylen. She screamed in pleasure and pain than. His seed burned her corpse like embers.

She pulled away from Jon and lay across from him, out of breath and tired. She could feel his seed making it’s way through her body. If what Bummey said was true, the fire in Jon promised her womb to quicken on her first try. She would have Ned’s baby again!

She looked over at Jon, who was convulsing violently on the grown and foaming from the mouth. She frowned. She cared nothing for him, but she wanted him alive. She was determined to replace every one of her kids through him.

Jon stopped suddenly, than… one second, he was Jon Snow, another second, he transformed suddenly into a woman.

“Bummey, what’s going on?”

“Holy goonsquad! It’s a faceless man! When… when you slept with her, she must have reverted back to her original form!”

Cat looked down on the woman, who looked to be a maid of five and ten. She spit the gag out of her mouth and looked at Catylen with familiar eyes. “Mother…” she muttered weekly.

Cat didn’t remember much, but she could never forget Arya’s eye. “No… no! What have I done?”

“I feel… cold. I feel the coldness inside me now.” Arya muttered weakly.

Bummey walked over to Arya. “She’s… pregnant now, like you Catylen. The prophesies… they spoke of two women who would be impregnated in such a fashion. She carries the child of Ice and you now carry the child of Fire.” Bummey looked over at Cat. “You really are a vapid oval office.” He left her there on the ground.

Catylen didn’t pay attention. She looked at Arya in horror. She and Arya were covered in her blood and stunk of dead fish. She had… raped Arya! No… No! She took her hands and clawed at her Tully Swamp in an attempt to take back what she had done. Red tears started to form from it and renew red rain flowing on the ground. “Arya… Arya no… It shouldn’t have been you. It shouldn’t have been you!!!"

-----------------------------------------------------

Bummey smiled as he walked out of the cave. “It is done my lord.”

Winnie the Pooh Targaryen walked out among the shadows, followed by Piglet. He smiled in Victory. “Just as planned…”

…To be continued.

SaviourX
Sep 30, 2003

The only true Catwoman is Julie Newmar, Lee Meriwether, or Eartha Kitt.

Classics like these were reviled by some of the noisier fart-huffers in CC, and that's the way I likes it.

Evil Fluffy
Jul 13, 2009

Scholars are some of the most pompous and pedantic people I've ever had the joy of meeting.

iamsosmrt posted:

Pshhh, what trash writing. Jaime's (they also misspelled this, amateurs!) known as the kingslayer not kinslayer.

Don't worry, he'll be called kinslayer too when he kills Cersei in the coming weeks.

PupsOfWar
Dec 6, 2013

due to aristocratic inbreeding, like everybody in westeros is a kinslayer of some sort

like there's a bit where lord blackwood calls walder frey a kinslayer because blackwoods were killed at the red wedding, and one of frey's first wives was a blackwoods

buddy that was like 15 wives ago

clearly there's got to be some sort of de facto... expiration, on the kinslaying rule, after a certain number of degrees of separation, or nobody would be able to kill anybody

iamsosmrt
Jun 14, 2008

Evil Fluffy posted:

Don't worry, he'll be called kinslayer too when he kills Cersei in the coming weeks.

I wouldn't be shocked if they swerve the audience and have her kill him.

pseudanonymous
Aug 30, 2008

When you make the second entry and the debits and credits balance, and you blow them to hell.

PupsOfWar posted:

due to aristocratic inbreeding, like everybody in westeros is a kinslayer of some sort

like there's a bit where lord blackwood calls walder frey a kinslayer because blackwoods were killed at the red wedding, and one of frey's first wives was a blackwoods

buddy that was like 15 wives ago

clearly there's got to be some sort of de facto... expiration, on the kinslaying rule, after a certain number of degrees of separation, or nobody would be able to kill anybody

The blackwoods don't like the Freys and that's something nasty they can say about them. Do they really care if its irrational or ridiculous or everyone is a kinslayer by that definition? No, not really.

Kuiperdolin
Sep 5, 2011

to ride eternal, shiny and chrome

THUNDERDOME LOSER 2022

There's worse, Karstark dad calls Robb a kinslayer because the Karstarks are a junior branch of Starks from centuries before.

Drone Jett
Feb 21, 2017

by Fluffdaddy
College Slice

Kuiperdolin posted:

There's worse, Karstark dad calls Robb a kinslayer because the Karstarks are a junior branch of Starks from centuries before.

Sometimes you make stupid arguments out of desperation, and sometimes you’re before the Warren Court and they actually take you seriously.

iamsosmrt
Jun 14, 2008

Non book reader question about the Freys. Why did they actually go through with the ceremonial Red Wedding rather than murdering everyone before the actual marriage with Edmure Tully? Did Walder Frey specifically want his daughter married to a "treacherous" captive?

Normy
Jul 1, 2004

Do I Krushchev?


My reading is that even though the Tully's are traitors, the Frey's claim on Riverrun is stronger with a Tully heir.

nine-gear crow
Aug 10, 2013

iamsosmrt posted:

Non book reader question about the Freys. Why did they actually go through with the ceremonial Red Wedding rather than murdering everyone before the actual marriage with Edmure Tully? Did Walder Frey specifically want his daughter married to a "treacherous" captive?

It's been years since I read it, but yes I think they do go through with the actual wedding part of the wedding in some capacity purely to get everyone relaxed and off guard and then murder the poo poo out of everyone while they're feasting. There's no indication beyond that if the ceremony was even legal because by this point it kind of doesn't even matter.

iamsosmrt
Jun 14, 2008

Ahh, thanks. I've mostly been keeping up with theringer.com's GoT articles leading up to season 8. Here's another question, did Jaime always know the 3 royal kids were his?

The Anime Liker
Aug 8, 2009

by VideoGames

iamsosmrt posted:

Ahh, thanks. I've mostly been keeping up with theringer.com's GoT articles leading up to season 8. Here's another question, did Jaime always know the 3 royal kids were his?

Yes, definitely.

nine-gear crow
Aug 10, 2013

iamsosmrt posted:

Ahh, thanks. I've mostly been keeping up with theringer.com's GoT articles leading up to season 8. Here's another question, did Jaime always know the 3 royal kids were his?

Yeah, Jaime knew the kids were his. In the books none of them know or at least accept that Jaime's their dad. On the show, the only one who figures it out/comes to terms with it is Myrcella, getting the chance to talk with Jaime on a father-daughter level once before she dies. Joffrey went to his grave denying the truth, while Tommen was to young and/or stupid to even know what sex is.

thatfatkid
Feb 20, 2011

by Azathoth

iamsosmrt posted:

Non book reader question about the Freys. Why did they actually go through with the ceremonial Red Wedding rather than murdering everyone before the actual marriage with Edmure Tully? Did Walder Frey specifically want his daughter married to a "treacherous" captive?

Edmure and the frey girl wed, they gently caress and she gets pregnant with the heir to Riverrun and the riverlands. Edmure is held hostage and coerced into cooperating with the freys, allowing them to rule the riverlands (well try to at least) via the threat of murdering his son and only remaining family.

The show got real lazy with feudal politics in the latter seasons.

thatfatkid fucked around with this message at 00:53 on Apr 8, 2019

nine-gear crow
Aug 10, 2013

thatfatkid posted:

Edmure and the frey girl wed, they gently caress and she gets pregnant with the heir to Riverrun and the riverlands. Edmure is held hostage and coerced into cooperating with the freys, allowing them to rule the riverlands (well try to at least) via the threat of murdering his son and only remaining family.

The show got real lazy with feudal politics in the latter seasons.

Conversely, making Edmure into a broken Stockholm syndrome failson who burns down the last vestige of House Tully for no reason and is left out in the lurch after Arya destroys House Frey because nobody's left to give a poo poo to even check on him was an even more perfect way to piss on his character than even what the books managed.

Because Edmure deserves it. All of it.

Ccs
Feb 25, 2011


https://blog.vrv.co/felker-martin/5402/the-innkeepers-daughter-rape-and-sexual-violence-in-game-of-thrones/

So that’s an article by a woman defending all the sexual violence in GoT. I kinda thought the online discourse had arrived at the conclusion that all the rape depicted was a bad thing that made the books and especially show trashy so it’s interesting to read the other sides take.

Shimrra Jamaane
Aug 10, 2007

Obscure to all except those well-versed in Yuuzhan Vong lore.
All I need to know is that there’s basically zero chance that GRRM doesn’t get aroused by his graphic depictions of sex and sexual violence so they’re all disgusting and terrible by default.

hobbesmaster
Jan 28, 2008

Ccs posted:

https://blog.vrv.co/felker-martin/5402/the-innkeepers-daughter-rape-and-sexual-violence-in-game-of-thrones/

So that’s an article by a woman defending all the sexual violence in GoT. I kinda thought the online discourse had arrived at the conclusion that all the rape depicted was a bad thing that made the books and especially show trashy so it’s interesting to read the other sides take.

quote:

What’s crushing about the culture of stern disapproval built up around Game of Thrones is that it’s one of the only shows on television making a meaningful inquiry into rape as both a traumatic experience and as a weapon deployed by society against women (and men). What looks like a parade of horrors at a cursory glance is in fact a rare depiction of the frequency with which rape occurs both in historical records of the Medieval period and in our own modern world. In fact, I’d argue that more depictions of rape would enrich the show as a work of art—that despite how far and how brutally it pushes the envelope, the show ultimately falls short of looking at sexual violence with the clarity, depth, horror, and sobriety of Martin’s books.


I strongly agree however...


Shimrra Jamaane posted:

All I need to know is that there’s basically zero chance that GRRM doesn’t get aroused by his graphic depictions of sex and sexual violence so they’re all disgusting and terrible by default.

The books still fall short of looking at it with horror and sobriety.

Intel&Sebastian
Oct 20, 2002

colonel...
i'm trying to sneak around
but i'm dummy thicc
and the clap of my ass cheeks
keeps alerting the guards!
dany gets raped and falls madly in love with the rapist and wants to have his kid who is destined to rape the entire world lmfao

Shimrra Jamaane
Aug 10, 2007

Obscure to all except those well-versed in Yuuzhan Vong lore.

Intel&Sebastian posted:

dany gets raped and falls madly in love with the rapist and wants to have his kid who is destined to rape the entire world lmfao

Also she’s 14. Or maybe even 13 I can’t remember.

pseudanonymous
Aug 30, 2008

When you make the second entry and the debits and credits balance, and you blow them to hell.

Intel&Sebastian posted:

dany gets raped and falls madly in love with the rapist and wants to have his kid who is destined to rape the entire world lmfao

It's not rape, she explicitly gives consent (at least in the books). I guess we could have a discussion about whether a 13-year-old can give consent but that's very much a changing view of morality type of thing.

Ague Proof
Jun 5, 2014

they told me
I was everything
abort

pseudanonymous
Aug 30, 2008

When you make the second entry and the debits and credits balance, and you blow them to hell.
I posted that then I thought of Family Guy.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9RRhhewFqyw

The Anime Liker
Aug 8, 2009

by VideoGames
LMAO I just remembered that GRRM set up Shireen and everyone being terrified of her and there's a whole leper colony of stone men and there's this huge setup for a global pandemic and it just turns out Jorah gets it but gets better a week later and it's never mentioned again.

Jeffrey of YOSPOS
Dec 22, 2005

GET LOSE, YOU CAN'T COMPARE WITH MY POWERS
sam has the brilliant idea to remove the rocky bits

stev
Jan 22, 2013

Please be excited.



Before the show got so huge searching Sam Tarly on YouTube would usually get you the audiobook version of the Gilly sex scene. Can't find it now and I'm sad.

pseudanonymous posted:

It's not rape, she explicitly gives consent (at least in the books).

To a guy who purchased her and could kill her on a whim if he didn't get his way.

stev fucked around with this message at 08:06 on Apr 9, 2019

esperterra
Mar 24, 2010

SHINee's back




Steve2911 posted:

To a guy who purchased her and could kill her on a whim if he didn't get his way.

It's a weird, rapey scene but at least establishes Drogo as being 'different' than the other dothraki-- or at least someone who cares very loving much for such a beautiful possession. I've no doubt that if she said no he'd probably have hosed her anyway, or at least hosed her anyway the next night. iirc even in the books she recalls the following nights being painful and not nearly as nice as their wedding night.

Changing it to outright rape in the show makes Drogo lose what teeeeeensy bit of maybe-humanity that makes it easier to imagine Dany falling for him later on.

The show changing this scene bothered me but eh whatever it's not like it completely ruined what little character he has in the show. Changing the Jaime and Cersei scene to rape was a big LOL tho

Zasze
Apr 29, 2009

PupsOfWar posted:

isn't the prequel set before targs exist


the AI controlling the megastructure's artificial lighting system likes to screw with humans

and periodically goes "gently caress yall, i'm turning this off for fifteen years" in no particular pattern

White walkers are just safe guard this checks out.

Ccs
Feb 25, 2011


I forgot about that Cercei scene. Geez now I’m mad all over again.

pseudanonymous
Aug 30, 2008

When you make the second entry and the debits and credits balance, and you blow them to hell.

esperterra posted:

It's a weird, rapey scene but at least establishes Drogo as being 'different' than the other dothraki-- or at least someone who cares very loving much for such a beautiful possession. I've no doubt that if she said no he'd probably have hosed her anyway, or at least hosed her anyway the next night. iirc even in the books she recalls the following nights being painful and not nearly as nice as their wedding night.

Changing it to outright rape in the show makes Drogo lose what teeeeeensy bit of maybe-humanity that makes it easier to imagine Dany falling for him later on.

The show changing this scene bothered me but eh whatever it's not like it completely ruined what little character he has in the show. Changing the Jaime and Cersei scene to rape was a big LOL tho

It seems like this sort of thing could've been the foundation for an inquiry into things like the nature of consent and bodily autonomy, but GRRM is just "rape happened a lot" end of story.

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A Typical Goon
Feb 25, 2011
It seems weird to complain about depictions of sexual assault in the book series where you have children being smashed on walls

The horrors of war/war making monsters of everyone is a pretty consistent theme throughout the novels. The Dany scene was pretty hosed up but I think it's the only rape in the series that is portrayed as not explicitly horrific.

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