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Ooh, been a while since I saw a brand-new buzzword! "Facility intensification" just showed up in my inbox.
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Apr 11, 2019 17:47
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Sundae posted:Ooh, been a while since I saw a brand-new buzzword! "Facility intensification" just showed up in my inbox. Desire to know less intensifies.
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Apr 11, 2019 17:53
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Ur Getting Fatter posted:Thou shalt not covet thy neighbor's chair. Honour thy administrative assistant.
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Apr 11, 2019 17:53
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Thomamelas posted:It was an incredibly surreal experience for the first all hands meeting at my current employer. They were discussing the employee survey, noting areas they did poorly in, and their plans to improve those areas. And those plans didn't involve beatings or threats but management taking responsibility for things. Like I kept waiting for the "and gently caress you, 20% pay cuts for everyone not in management" bit but it didn't happen. Same here. New companys “town halls” are actually sane and i see numbers that are meaningful and wouldnt have seen otherwise. Not much fingerpointing just updates. Previous companies annual business meeting was a stereotypical shitshow. One of the highlights was an account for HQ starting a presentation by saying “youre all aware that we refinanced our debt (company wide)” and then went on to say that cash is king, and our more flexible terms of said refinancing didnt include regular repayments (balloon mortage/bond basically) was a great thing, and then glossed over the fact that our higher interest rate was costing us an extra 2 million a year. gently caress those duetche bags.
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Apr 11, 2019 18:07
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My company has a weekly all hands.
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Apr 11, 2019 18:48
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tokenbrownguy posted:My company has a weekly all hands. My old company had this. It was only for the owners to jerk each other off.
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Apr 11, 2019 18:55
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Thou shalt place meeting leftovers in the break room.
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Apr 11, 2019 19:13
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Thou shalt agree to resolve all disputes with the company via binding arbitration.
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Apr 11, 2019 19:23
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mllaneza posted:Thou shalt place meeting leftovers in the break room. I did a training class at a location where the receptionist refused to let me do that. And sent out an email stating that the food was only for the students despite me not giving a gently caress after the students had eaten. I don't understand how she wasn't murdered by her coworkers. And it was some really nice BBQ.
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Apr 11, 2019 19:27
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Thou shalt not irradiate the beasts of the sea.
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Apr 11, 2019 20:21
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Good suggestions! The actual list: Email Etiquette: Tag your contact information on your emails Put out of office messages with backup person contact info Don't insert tone into email Meeting Management: Check calendars when scheduling meetings Include dial in Mute your phone Be on time Don't put us on hold Make sure the correct SMEs are included Accept or decline invitations. Don't delete. Be Accountable For Your Area Of Responsibility And Your Team: Respond in a timely manner and update with progress Try to anticipate the needs of others F/u on your tasks Be transparent about status and need for extension Sometimes "No" is an acceptable answer Be Mindful Of Pther People's Workload: Be transparent and share important happenings with the team Be Polite: Greet people Hold the elevator Say please, thank you, and you're welcome. That's it, there's only 6 commandments.
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Apr 11, 2019 20:28
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Tibalt posted:
Waaaaaay ahead of you there bossperson.
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Apr 11, 2019 20:47
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Trabant posted:Honour thy administrative assistant. This but actually.
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Apr 11, 2019 21:47
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Oh, I was 100% serious.
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Apr 11, 2019 21:58
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Thou shalt murder
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Apr 11, 2019 22:36
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Tibalt posted:That's it, there's only 6 commandments. Perfect
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Apr 11, 2019 22:36
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Thomamelas posted:management taking responsibility for things. Like I kept waiting for the "and gently caress you, 20% pay cuts for everyone not in management" bit but it didn't happen. Management is taking responsibility. Their responsibility as individuals is now to increasingly hound their teams/groups and add process until such time as "improvement can be demonstrated". Processes that fail to generate results are part of the company problem already identified. Process leading to improvement is a "success for management".
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Apr 11, 2019 23:07
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Tnuctip posted:Same here. New companys “town halls” are actually sane and i see numbers that are meaningful and wouldnt have seen otherwise. Not much fingerpointing just updates. yeah, I know I brought that up but usually the numbers parts are getting sane and the content is relevant, but the portion about our vertical's results from the corporate employee survey was just mealy mouthed as gently caress. and there's only so many bad photoshops of VPs and directors that one can swallow, especially when it's Germans being parachuted in for three years of jollies before heading to Singapore or back to the motherland.
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Apr 11, 2019 23:28
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PhantomOfTheCopier posted:This is the delayed punishment approach. You don't get demoted because that results in low performance, sabotage, etc. Instead you don't get promoted, you don't get a real raise, and you don't get acknowledged or recognized. Also what I was expecting. But still not what was happening. For instance my company pays a bit lower than the industry average in many positions. So they announced that in addition to the regular bonuses and pay increases, everyone would get a pay bump equal to their last year's bonus. And then the followed through on it. Other issues were given solutions that were on par in terms of management doing positive things. Also followed through on. The whole thing would have traumatized people with an MBA. I wish I had recorded it so I could play it on a loop at business schools. Just to hear the cries of "But you're treating them like people!". It's entirely possible our upper management are sociopaths. But if so they have managed to ape being decent human beings well enough for me to not be able to tell the difference. They say the same platitudes that management at most companies spew. But they seem to mean it. It's the weirdest loving feeling at company meetings. It's like wandering into a cult that preaches love and peace and find out it's not a front for a cult leader's weird sex games but they just want to be nice and kind.
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Apr 12, 2019 00:01
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Or it’s a front for the CEOs weird sex games
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Apr 12, 2019 01:06
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we have a monthly meeting at my place but it's always catered with decent local food. i usually skip it and just get food cause I've been here over four years and they're all the same (financials and announcements everyone already knows about)
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Apr 12, 2019 01:33
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Tibalt posted:That's it, there's only 6 commandments.
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Apr 12, 2019 05:22
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Senor P. posted:Maybe I've been drinking the koolaide too much but these all seem like reasonable suggestions??? Like with all these things, religious or corporate, it boils down to: Don't be a dick. The downside to writing it down is that someone will invent new ways to be a dick and thinks it is ok because it is not on the list.
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Apr 12, 2019 05:46
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tokenbrownguy posted:My company has a weekly all hands. my last company had this. it was at 3pm on friday afternoon. i was in the west coast office tho so it was noon for us and we'd usually remote in from whatever brewery or bbq place we'd decided to hit up that week. imagine the culture shock being physically present for the meeting for the first time and witnessing all the attendees return to their desks to get it an extra hour of two of work before the weekend...
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Apr 12, 2019 06:27
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We have 15 minute morning informals twice a week. Sometimes they last all 15, other times it's "anyone got anything? Ok, have a good one" and over within a minute.
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Apr 12, 2019 07:33
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We have scrumm stand ups that should be 15 min, but since the meeting was split into 3 different stand-ups, but are attended by 95% of the same people in each meeting... It ends up being a 45 min standup Weekly team meeting on Friday 4 pm. 50/50 if it's cancelled at 4:15.. or surprise reschedule for 5pm.
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Apr 12, 2019 11:17
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Senor P. posted:Maybe I've been drinking the koolaide too much but these all seem like reasonable suggestions??? For a task force that's suppose to be dealing with the morale and turnover issues in our department, not so much.
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Apr 12, 2019 12:30
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!!! Garbage can's fixed !!! Last month the coffee machine broke. This month the garbage can broke.  the microwave dies in Maye: there's a new can next to it that says BOTTLES AND CANS ONLY. There's only one thing inside. A dirty pizza box. Renegret fucked around with this message at 18:13 on Apr 12, 2019 |
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Apr 12, 2019 18:11
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You work with zoo animals.
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Apr 12, 2019 19:57
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Tibalt posted:The representative from my (former) team, who is Jewish and doesn't work in Quality Department, was so incensed that he requested that his name be removed from the Task Force membership and not mentioned in any way related to this. I wish I could Alan Smithee poo poo like that. Thomamelas posted:I did a training class at a location where the receptionist refused to let me do that. And sent out an email stating that the food was only for the students despite me not giving a gently caress after the students had eaten. I don't understand how she wasn't murdered by her coworkers. And it was some really nice BBQ. It’s so she can take it home.
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Apr 12, 2019 20:34
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paragon1 posted:You work with zoo animals. Trust me. I know. You should see the fridge.
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Apr 12, 2019 20:45
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Renegret posted:Trust me. I know. Make sure you breathe through your mouth.
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Apr 12, 2019 20:51
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1 - Office area smells like rotting garbage 2 - Sundae calls maintenance hotline to come find out why 3 - Maintenance guy shows up, comes to my desk. "Hey, why does your floor smell like garbage?" 4 - "That's why I called you out here." 5 - "Oh. I have no idea why. Sorry." 6 - Maintenance guy leaves. 
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Apr 12, 2019 20:57
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Lol if you don't render your work fridge l surgically sterile every Friday. We don't. 
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Apr 12, 2019 21:07
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Last year I found ketchup from 2013.
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Apr 12, 2019 21:15
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Not only does our janitorial throw out everything in the Fridge at 5PM on Friday, but they count it towards department waste and when facilities sends out their email every month congratulating the departments that threw away the least non recyclable or compostable stuff, they take petty snipes at the ones that leave too much poo poo in the fridge.
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Apr 12, 2019 21:18
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Renegret posted:new can. says BOTTLES AND CANS ONLY. only one thing inside. dirty pizza box. This workplace fears me. I have seen its true face.
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Apr 12, 2019 21:29
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good to know a certain state attorney's office will just mail my contact info to people when I report elder abuse to them
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Apr 12, 2019 21:39
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FAUXTON posted:good to know a certain state attorney's office will just mail my contact info to people when I report elder abuse to them Holy LOL. If it was someone in your organization that did that I'm pretty sure it would be a violation of federal law. The state attorney's office probably has some sort of qualified immunity. My boss sent an email asking someone in our business line to file an IRF accusing a branch banker of lending fraud and that person instead forwarded the whole email to the banker's DM who of course closed ranks with the branch manager to make up a story to cover their asses.
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Apr 12, 2019 21:45
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Sydin posted:Not only does our janitorial throw out everything in the Fridge at 5PM on Friday, but they count it towards department waste and when facilities sends out their email every month congratulating the departments that threw away the least non recyclable or compostable stuff, they take petty snipes at the ones that leave too much poo poo in the fridge. This sounds like the way to go
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Apr 12, 2019 23:05
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