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Josherino)
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that sounds super exploitative and i totally get your frustration. i hope this all leads to something better in the future for you
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May 22, 2019 15:31
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thanks, I guess I just wanted some confirmation I’m not crazy or ungrateful for not wanting to volunteer more than ten hours of the labor I went to grad school for and all. it just feels so unfair because they pay some historians, including some people who I personally know to be somewhat academically uh, thin, to say the least. if they offered to pay me to do the work it would be my dream job
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May 22, 2019 15:54
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I'm on the fence about getting my MA in history because i want to teach a bit at the college level though it sure is an expensive way to get paid terribly. i do writing and (non-academic) research for a living and that poo poo is a skill that should be compensated for, particularly for an educated person and them trying to guilt trip you into providing more free labor is horseshit, imo though the project sounds cool as hell to me because the rapid political ascendancy of black folks in the post war years and the systematic disenfranchisement after the north rolled over just isnt taught at all, much less enough reading your experience isnt exactly pushing in the direction of going back to school though, particularly as my wife inches up towards six figures of debt as she progresses academically/professionally in the health care world lol
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May 22, 2019 16:04
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I volunteered at a library for a while and then got a GRA position in a library and information science program due to that and an undergrad history degree, which was pretty neat. From what I understand a lot of LIS positions actually do involve a lot of research.
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May 22, 2019 16:15
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FactsAreUseless posted:
It's probably not but what sold me on it was someone saying it helps give them perspective and keep them from getting bored with life, and I think of my many many many problems, my weird "I have literally no reason to wake up in the morning other than going to work so I have some place I can go back to to sleep" problem is the one that's omnipresent and I have no idea what to do about it, I've tried hobbies and they don't work, video games don't fill the void like they used to etc.
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May 22, 2019 16:19
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Eat This Glob posted:I'm on the fence about getting my MA in history because i want to teach a bit at the college level though it sure is an expensive way to get paid terribly. i do writing and (non-academic) research for a living and that poo poo is a skill that should be compensated for, particularly for an educated person and them trying to guilt trip you into providing more free labor is horseshit, imo though the project sounds cool as hell to me because the rapid political ascendancy of black folks in the post war years and the systematic disenfranchisement after the north rolled over just isnt taught at all, much less enough I dunno, I did the thing were out of high school I got a two year in computer touching, and did all the right things, worked part time lovely it jobs while going to school to build experience etc and finally got a decent job and I hate every minute of it and now I hate computers. I went back to college for linguistics when I couldn't find a proper full time job which last about a year a year and a half before I had to drop out and I loved every second of that, so if I could do everything over it would be getting the bad paying nowhere career and just living in my parents' house forever.
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May 22, 2019 16:21
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ugh you don't have plat whatever. my inbox is open. i have been there & done that w/ "research chemicals" and i would be v happy to talk about it and, ideally, talk you down from the thing or if you just want some hard-learned wisdom I'm here 
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May 22, 2019 16:43
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Mordor She Wrote posted:It's probably not but what sold me on it was someone saying it helps give them perspective and keep them from getting bored with life, and I think of my many many many problems, my weird "I have literally no reason to wake up in the morning other than going to work so I have some place I can go back to to sleep" problem is the one that's omnipresent and I have no idea what to do about it, I've tried hobbies and they don't work, video games don't fill the void like they used to etc. This is what functional antidepressants have helped me with, which seems like a safer option?
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May 22, 2019 16:51
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turn off the TV posted:This is what functional antidepressants have helped me with, which seems like a safer option? eh I've tried every anti depressant under the sun, even had the gene test were it turns out only the really expensive ones work on me (which I think is just a ploy to get me to pay more) now admittedly I've never been able to take meds for anything more than a month or two because I just forget I'm not good at remembering to do things consistently, but even on meds just that "what is even the point of waking up" never goes away. Towards the end of my last round on Fluvoxomine (sp?) I was still just taking sleeping pills in a not suicidal fashion but I'd get home from work and take like 4-5 just so I'd fall asleep right away and stay that way until I had to go to work the next day.
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May 22, 2019 17:32
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juche avocado posted:ugh you don't have plat I'd be interested in hearing your experience especially if its with AL-LAD or 1P-LSD and maybe I can be scared straight kind of thing.
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May 22, 2019 17:33
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Eat This Glob posted:I'm on the fence about getting my MA in history because i want to teach a bit at the college level though it sure is an expensive way to get paid terribly. i do writing and (non-academic) research for a living and that poo poo is a skill that should be compensated for, particularly for an educated person and them trying to guilt trip you into providing more free labor is horseshit, imo though the project sounds cool as hell to me because the rapid political ascendancy of black folks in the post war years and the systematic disenfranchisement after the north rolled over just isnt taught at all, much less enough yeah it really sucks that important work like this is being outsourced to volunteer labor. im specifically trying to build biographical narratives for black representatives who have been ignored by the historical mainstream for decades and have basically no documentation floating around except for a tiny little inaccurate paragraph each in a book from 1940 called like "Virginia's Negro Legislators". meanwhile every rear end in a top hat confederate who did almost anything noteworthy has a book and a statue and a website, but nobody even pays lip service to discussing the badass radical black republicans who sought political power in an atmosphere of racial repression and fear, and then had the cojones to do things like propose major legislative changes. i am personally invested in breaking the narrative stranglehold on VA history currently held by the scions of the white aristocracy so i'm really glad a project like this is getting done. but i kind of hate the idea of personally contributing to the devaluation of the profession by basically accepting that my research and writing skills have no value and all that matters are my cynical connections in the field's non-profit institutions. ugh. also in more thread relevant stuff its been over a month since i last talked to any of my former "friends". i still don't know what happened and feel very frustrated. there were basically two groups of them, who had no contact with each other, that ditched me completely at the same time. one group was my weed dealer and his brother who i was pretty close friends with and hung out with a lot, but they just completely stopped responding to me. my former weed dealer just completely ghosted me and never responded again, and i thought his brother and i were good friends after the last seven or eight years but i guess not because he and his wife stopped talking to me too. then the people i play dnd with also stopped responding to my dnd inquiries and the game fell apart. i played that with the person i would used to have characterized as my closest friend, who insists he's just been busy at work but has also mostly ignored me, and he says it isn't anything in particular the rest of the group is just busy. but it still feels like my unpleasantness must have built up to such a toxic miasma or something that everyone ditched me at once. man i used to have tons of friends, i was usually dating, was pretty social and fun back when i was actively addicted to opiates and in grad school/college/retail. now i'm out of grad school and in treatment and i have no friends at all and no girlfriend or job and my life is completely worthless and intolerable. ugh.
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May 22, 2019 19:24
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Thank you for all of this. C-SPAM makes me feel a little less insane. Or at least less alone.
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May 22, 2019 19:35
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Failson posted:Thank you for all of this. C-SPAM makes me feel a little less insane. Or at least less alone. 
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May 22, 2019 20:11
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I went outside today and met with some other broke-brain people and we walked around and talked and shared our feelings and then I took lunch and swam for half a mile. I feel pretty okay afterward. 
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May 22, 2019 20:22
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Addamere posted:I went outside today and met with some other broke-brain people and we walked around and talked and shared our feelings and then I took lunch and swam for half a mile. Group therapy is so great. It's like reality is trying to gaslight you and instead you get eye witness accounts that it's Not Just You™.
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May 22, 2019 20:41
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Mordor She Wrote posted:eh I've tried every anti depressant under the sun Have you tried therapy at the same time? The drugs can help but they aren't magic. You actually have to work on changing your thinking to get better, and therapists' jobs are to help teach you that. Having no joy in life and just sleeping all the time sounds exactly like depression.
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May 23, 2019 07:44
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redsniper posted:Have you tried therapy at the same time? The drugs can help but they aren't magic. You actually have to work on changing your thinking to get better, and therapists' jobs are to help teach you that. Having no joy in life and just sleeping all the time sounds exactly like depression. Behavioural activation and mindfulness can really help! Also, swimming. You should swim. All the time. Never not swim. Splish splash mother fucker.
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May 23, 2019 14:55
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Addamere posted:Behavioural activation and mindfulness can really help! Also, swimming. You should swim. All the time. Never not swim. Splish splash mother fucker. gently caress I miss swimming, swimming rules. Swimming laps was an amazing form of meditation for ADHD peeps, especially if you put in ear plugs. Also you don't feel sweaty and gross after because you're in a goddamn body of water the whole time - perfect liquid cooling! So yeah, what Addamere said - splish splash motherfuckers
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May 23, 2019 15:27
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redsniper posted:Have you tried therapy at the same time? The drugs can help but they aren't magic. You actually have to work on changing your thinking to get better, and therapists' jobs are to help teach you that. Having no joy in life and just sleeping all the time sounds exactly like depression. Adjunct to this: if you're trying CBT, you have to stick with it for a while. At first it'll seem like you're pissing into the ocean, but eventually, you hit a tipping point and things start to get better. DBT is even more pronounced in that way. Just stick with it, it'll help eventually
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May 23, 2019 15:46
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I'm new around these parts, and C-SPAM in general, but I was encouraged to check it out and found this thread prominently stickied at the top and felt compelled to post something. I'll stick to main bullet points for now but I do tend to like, go on and on so I'll try to restrain myself. I'm depressed, and I've dealt with that most of my life. I am in therapy, for now, but not medicated. Her best guess so far on what I have is, seemingly, a similar sort of melancholy that President Lincoln had long ago (although now labelled dysthymia or simply chronic depression, mild to moderate depending and etc). I come from a broken, abusive family, essentially my mom was a battered wife and my dad was a bully, and occasionally hit us too, and mostly terrorized us. He was horrendously abused and hugely broken as a human being so I grew up in his shadow and in the wreckage he left behind him. He was a sociopathic narcissist essentially, and my mom is sort of a mental child, so I always felt I had to fix things but I digress. Four years ago my 19 year old stepbrother killed himself. It was traumatic, and in a lot of ways I've not been the same since. I feel like it sucked a lot of the wind out of my sails emotionally. I moved to Texas for a few years and that happened right after I did so. In 2017 I was jobless and moved back to CA but I want to be back in TX again, trying to find work now. But essentially: I've just pulled back from time with friends, time doing recreational things, and just spend a lot of time alone, and this time I'm not even doing the alone things I used to (music, writing, occasionally podcasting about politics). I guess that might be a bad sign, that seemingly a lot of the joy has left my life? Not sure if it was all about regret for moving back to CA but right now plenty of it is. Just wanted to join in and give my background. Thanks for reading this far. VH4Ever has issued a correction as of 20:33 on May 23, 2019 |
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May 23, 2019 20:29
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VH4Ever posted:I'm new around these parts, and C-SPAM in general, but I was encouraged to check it out and found this thread prominently stickied at the top and felt compelled to post something. I'll stick to main bullet points for now but I do tend to like, go on and on so I'll try to restrain myself. Solidarity. I've been there for a lot of it, although not to that intensity. Feel free to drop by whenever you need to advice or to rant.
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May 23, 2019 20:42
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Chokes McGee posted:Solidarity. I've been there for a lot of it, although not to that intensity. Lately I'm just really bummed out about having left Texas. I found myself fired, and then my grandmother passed away so it seemed like I was going to be needed back in San Diego for a while so I took a flier on a job that would amount to a titular promotion in my industry and figured I'd let fate decide. I got the job but things went downhill from there. I got a flat on the way back, my new apartment was never cleaned and prepped for my arrival so I spent two months in someone else's filth and broken stuff that was never fixed, arguing with the leasing company all the time, and my job lost its charm pretty quick. And my family didn't need me like I thought they might. Oh, and a friend I spoke with just before leaving Texas took his own life too, and I found out on moving day, by phone, standing in the middle of a trashed apartment with cleaning staff all around. The CA comeback was cursed from the start, I guess. So basically I hosed up, and I blame no one but myself. And I'm bummed out about leaving Austin, and even more bummed out looking for work long distance which is mostly just a series of letdowns after brief glimmers of hope so far. So I've pulled way back emotionally, and at this point if a job doesn't call me there before my lease ends in December, I'm just going out there anyway to hustle until something comes through. I was happier there, and I can't really explain why, but others around me saw it too. So I get down on myself for leaving and lately I just can't seem to break out of feeling like poo poo all the time and being unmotivated to do anything about it. Thanks for responding.
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May 23, 2019 21:43
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VH4Ever posted:Lately I'm just really bummed out about having left Texas. I found myself fired, and then my grandmother passed away so it seemed like I was going to be needed back in San Diego for a while so I took a flier on a job that would amount to a titular promotion in my industry and figured I'd let fate decide. I got the job but things went downhill from there. I got a flat on the way back, my new apartment was never cleaned and prepped for my arrival so I spent two months in someone else's filth and broken stuff that was never fixed, arguing with the leasing company all the time, and my job lost its charm pretty quick. And my family didn't need me like I thought they might. Oh, and a friend I spoke with just before leaving Texas took his own life too, and I found out on moving day, by phone, standing in the middle of a trashed apartment with cleaning staff all around. The CA comeback was cursed from the start, I guess. I had the opposite problem. I moved in to Austin and my entire world went to poo poo in the span of eight months. I'm much better now, but it's still a recovery process. Luck to you, and when you get off probation, we'll be here 
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May 23, 2019 22:13
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I was in the waiting room at my doctor's office today, and I saw this old lady who obviously needed help getting around and had trouble focusing on basic tasks. It was so god drat depressing, because that's going to be me in like 40 years (assuming I last that long), but I'm not going to have kids or other family to take care of me and help me lead an even remotely dignified life. At best, I'll be lucky enough to be able to pay for some kind of assisted living situation and maybe the underpaid staff won't be abusive. I think the more likely outcome will be a lot more depressing. Anyway, here's a cool picture of a fennec fox. 
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May 24, 2019 01:14
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that is a handsome fox. thanks for sharing it and your story
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May 24, 2019 03:17
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I've been going to a group session put on my therapist that focuses on mindfulness. I find the practice of it genuinely useful but there's someone who tries to make it completely about them which is really frustrating. the person basically asks a huge question and how to be a therapist themselves. my therapist has been good at shutting it down but ugh it's annoying.
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May 24, 2019 05:32
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Consummate Professional posted:I've been going to a group session put on my therapist that focuses on mindfulness. I find the practice of it genuinely useful but there's someone who tries to make it completely about them which is really frustrating. the person basically asks a huge question and how to be a therapist themselves. my therapist has been good at shutting it down but ugh it's annoying. group therapy always sounded like the worst experience in the world, like for the reasons you mentioned above and then just like, what do you do if you’re life doesn’t actually have any tragedy and you’re just broke brained, I’d just feel like an rear end in a top hat for going.
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May 24, 2019 14:27
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Mordor She Wrote posted:group therapy always sounded like the worst experience in the world, like for the reasons you mentioned above and then just like, what do you do if you’re life doesn’t actually have any tragedy and you’re just broke brained, I’d just feel like an rear end in a top hat for going. Group is also a place for personal triumphs. It's hard at first because it's like, why the gently caress am I telling people how great my life is right now if they have a ton of problems of their own? But, if you try it for a bit, you'll find everyone gets really happy and inspired by your successes. Plus, you don't always have to have something to share. You can listen and give other people feedback if you think it'll help. group is real good imo
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May 24, 2019 14:58
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my suboxone clinic has a therapy requirement most attendees discharge via group sessions and the people I see there are loving dire. I have a lot of empathy for people’s struggles being poor and addicts and I’ve done things like pay for other people’s therapy when they were short on cash (the office is firm about payment and won’t negotiate or let you pay later, even if you’re only like $10 short) even though I’m poor as hell myself, but like, I would feel really uncomfortable doing group with them. most of them have incredibly difficult lives and I’m just a schmuck who got addicted to internet heroin in grad schools, like my general level of privileged experience and cultural background is just so separate I don’t know where I’m going with this exactly because as an addict myself I totally understand these problems but the people who come in are largely struggling at least partially because of bad decisions enabled by their lovely lives and people do things like fake the drug tests so they have to retest everyone. mostly I just hate the system that gates treatment behind high monetary walls so people end up begging for money outside just so they can make their copay and getting in long desperate tearful arguments with the fat office ladies about how they can pay the $4.75 next week. I guess my few group therapy experiences really highlighted for me how much people’s lives suck in a more immediate way than I’ve seen since working retail
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May 24, 2019 15:15
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Mordor She Wrote posted:group therapy always sounded like the worst experience in the world, like for the reasons you mentioned above and then just like, what do you do if you’re life doesn’t actually have any tragedy and you’re just broke brained, I’d just feel like an rear end in a top hat for going. I thought it was really good but my group didn't have anyone annoying or overbearing in it.
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May 24, 2019 15:24
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I woke up today and did not feel like going to the group thing and now a couple hours later I feel bad about having not gone because I now feel like I have the energy to go outside and this was a wasted opportunity. 
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May 24, 2019 15:25
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keep that in mind next time you have an appointment
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May 24, 2019 16:28
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Addamere posted:I woke up today and did not feel like going to the group thing and now a couple hours later I feel bad about having not gone because I now feel like I have the energy to go outside and this was a wasted opportunity. Well, if you have the energy to go outside and do things, go do them! Then tell your group next time
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May 24, 2019 16:31
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lol i have a case manager now
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May 24, 2019 16:33
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turn off the TV posted:lol i have a case manager now that could be a fantastic thing for you if they’re the type of person who is committed to their job and not terminally overworked, they’re probably going to be able to provide some pretty useful services. it’s good to have someone whose job is at least theoretically to look after your interests
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May 24, 2019 17:04
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yeah my father in law had a great caseworker who helped him and by extension his wife a great deal
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May 24, 2019 17:08
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so I was thinking about going to this DSA social event my local chapter is holding. I’m not a member because I can’t afford the fees and I’m a pathetic recluse. I’ve been to a meeting but only one awhile ago, so I imagine it would probably be weird to go to their open social thing in the park? i very much want to make some friends who aren’t either totally apolitical or bourgeois Libs in the process of inheriting their parents lack of class consciousness, but maybe I should try to go to meetings before I show up as an unaccompanied weirdo elsewhere? they also have a Marxist study group, or at least they did like ten months ago when I went to a meeting, and my Masters thesis is about revolutionary theory in the late 20th century so maybe that could be good too. are there any other cspam goons who used to be very normal and social but have become angry and alienated both personally and politically? I’m thinking perhaps DSA people would self select for decency and political awareness
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May 24, 2019 17:49
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Just go.
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May 24, 2019 17:53
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pretty sure dsa does discounted memberships for people that cant afford it, but I think the only real perk of being a member is you can vote on chapter policy and that's about it so far as I know. Meetings and gatherings are all open to my knowledge. It's not weird at all to go say hey and meet some like minded folks
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May 24, 2019 17:55
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| # ? May 25, 2024 14:22 |
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i mean it might be more likely that a socialist org is into gatekeeping for financial limitations but yeahredsniper posted:Just go.
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May 24, 2019 18:16
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