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I played this game because of this LP. Just finished it over the last few days. I like the game, but wasn't pleased when I learned that the Curveball is missable (I think). I bought the hot dog and thought it was better than buying the films  On another note, Zizek's critiques and Kami's hexpentancy have some great scenarios. If TheMcD is okay with it, I can post the transcript of them.
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Jun 12, 2019 06:17
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just wanna say this game is hillarious and i love it, beat it a few days ago
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Jun 12, 2019 09:00
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I was thinking about Tony Gwynn, actually. But Ichiro is too good for this sinful world. I love him.
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Jun 12, 2019 18:18
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1234567890num posted:I played this game because of this LP. Just finished it over the last few days. I like the game, but wasn't pleased when I learned that the Curveball is missable (I think). I bought the hot dog and thought it was better than buying the films Yeah, the curve is missable. Actually, the majority of the pitches you can learn are missable. Anyway, I'll probably start posting all of the critique and Win Hexpectancy bits in my updates from now on, because I recorded a new batch of gameplay, and I just gently caress-that-ed my way past a battle, so I'll just have to get the stuff out of RPG Maker instead. I think all I'm missing as of now is some of Zizek's stuff in the battle against Dugan.
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Jun 12, 2019 18:24
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This LP literally forced me to download this free game and beat it in one day. I stayed up very late, no regrets. Better than Barkley Shut Up and Jam Gaiden, imho. Thanks for bringing awareness of this game into my life, I really needed it. I think I got the 100% ending.
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Jun 14, 2019 05:35
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Update XI - gently caress The Cultural Context! ♪ BGM: Zizek's Theme ♫ So, before we begin this update proper, we have some unfinished business. In the interest of fully showing off this game, it has come to my attention that I have not given you all the possibilities for the philosophizing Zizek uses in battle. So here is the remaining stuff from the two battles we've had so far. -----  Zizek vs. The Concept Of Irony Kantian Critiques:  Perhaps if we consider that moral behavior is rational behavior, we can understand the fundemental flaws of irony. Truly, it must be both immoral and irrational to appreciate in any fashion the failure of the universe to organize itself in a proper manner.Order is necessary - Order is an illusion Celebrating incongruous results from the entropic machine we call reality only encourages entropy.----- Clearly there is such a thing as wrong, and as such there must be such a thing as morally right. But at times the two come into conflict, and what appears to be right is proven as wrong.There is no right or wrong - There is irony This is the true meaning of irony!----- Marxist Critiques: Irony takes multiple forms, and can be used to either subvert or bolsterthe ruling class. Irony is both of the following: The poor man stealing from the rich man, such as the Robin Hood of legend. For it is typically the rich who steal from the poor. But irony is also the cynical--or kynical--rejection of this subversion as legend rather than an ideal to aspire to.Reject Irony - Embrace Irony Irony is a tool to be used, like a hammer which can be brought to build the factories of the people or crush their legs before they rise in opposition.----- We think we are smart, but we are not nearly as clever as the gilded gears of Capital. We are led to believe that we live in a post-ideological society, and that the conflicts of the past have been resolved.And that is irony! - Go deeper... The true irony is that obeying the law is more of a crime than disobeying it. Such a statement can be both irony and truth. Zizek vs. Jimmy Dugan Kantian Critiques: The strange thing about this world is that I am not even sure that it truly exists. I brought it into existence with Ontology, but is it not true that all worlds have been brought into existence by perception?  I'm definitely real!Everything is real - Nothing is real Indeed... For, in fact, everything is real. Reality is only bounded by perception, and thus there is no utility in attempting to quantify anything beyond perception.----- There are two kinds of knowledge: Sensual and logical. But which kind of knowledge can serve to explain your existence?Sensual - Logical It must be sensual knowledge. Your sudden emergence as a being of experience and cognition is entirely unpredictable. If I could not see you... If I could not hear your words, there would be no doubt that you did not exist...because you cannot exist. And yet you do exist.----- Marxist Critiques: Have you ever considered that, perhaps, you are a mere tool of Capitalism? Why do you capitalize "Capitalism"?Because I speak of a self-defined concept - Because I'm talking about the game Because I speak of a self-defined concept of Capitalism. It is the unfortunate truth that any word-such as the world "capitalism"-can be defined to mean any number of things. There are those who mistakenly define "capitalism" with the concept that others would use to describe "freedom". I would say that this definition is wrong but, by defintion, no defintion can be wrong... it can only be unpopular. My head hurts.----- And now, on with our regular broadcast.  ♪ BGM: Silence ♫ Time to find out what this Twitter thing is all about.  Looks like some people are hanging around Twitter HQ for some reason or another. Let's have a chat.  That is indeed very convenient. Narratively convenient, mostly.  I suppose there are worse things to do when you can't sleep. Now, let's head inside.  ♪ BGM: Nolkrinite - Headquarters ♫  Sir, we have very important business here. You might recognize me. My name is Mike Mussina. The pitching coach for the New York-- I don't care who you are. You have to leave. It's past midnight. If this building is closed, why was the door unlocked? That was a mistake and I would appreciate it if-- Don't you care that I am a well-known Major League pitcher? And I haven't even introduced you to my companion. You might say that I am a man of mystery, but that would require you to believe that anything is truly capable of being known. I don't care who you are! You need to leave! It seems we have to reconsider our plan. Calling this "a plan" was awfully generous to begin with. I could offer to sign a few baseballs. I do not believe this man to be impressed by celebrity, which means that he should be king of this country or rotting in its gulags, and so on. Maybe this was all a mistake. If we can't get upstairs, why are we even here? Are you seriously giving up already? I thought you hated this plan. Or, you know, lack thereof. Maybe, but I also hate giving up. The elevator is right there, behind the desk. All we have to do is distract him, then run into the elevator. I highly doubt that he is the only security at this incredibly wealthy company. We'll deal with that when we get there. Now you're onboard with the plan!Let's talk to this guy again and see what happens.  Here, let me show you a magic trick. Uh, well, okay I guess... Look at everything around you? Do you see this? Do you believe it is real? Abracadabra! Now you are a fraud. Wait, what? Your belief is a lie you tell yourself, to coerce yourself into waking up each day. Oh god... There is no god here. ... Now! He is questioning his existence! To the elevator!Success! But before we go there...  Well, we just so happen to have one! Oh wow! You're so nice! Here, have this dirty Mountain Dew.Now, on to the elevator and the next floor.  I do not need another breaking and entering conviction on my record, what with all the pre—concieved notions I have broken and minds I have entered. Stay out of the line of sight of these employees and we might just get away with this. Why do we have to get to those stairs? Why didn't we take the elevator all the way up? They can't see you if they are looking in another direction, so proceed accordingly. You didn't answer my question. I don't think I would have an answer that would satisfy you. We just have to sneak past these guards. Can you do that? Sure, fine, I can do that. RPG Maker stealth wooooo. So these guards walk in predetermined patterns, and if you cross their line of sight, you get caught and thrown back to the previous floor.  Did you know I once had to sneak into the Yankees locker room to plant a listening device in Alex Rodriguez's suit jacket? Compared to that, this is a piece of cake. Why were the Yankees spying on their own player? There are many reasons one might want to expand on one's observations of the universe. Those in power seek control of those around them, fearing that if they were to lose control then life would go on as normal without them... thus proving that they are utterly worthless. The New York Yankees are no different. Nah, Derek Jeter just wanted to make sure Rodriguez wasn't getting more groupies than him. Not much has changed from the simulated 1940s, has it? The world has become smaller, and yet in doing so has become much bigger. Guys, we're doing an awful lot of talking for three people trying to sneak around. She is right. For once, silence is the answer.So, another floor of sneaking. Nothing all that special, except for one thing.  This will come in handy later. I mean, I assume it will, else why would it be here?  Wait! Don't move! Keep absolutely still. Her vision is based on movement. That... I don't even know how to respond to that. It was a quote from the 1993 film "Jurassic Park" so it is not surprising that you are unable to parse the cultural context. gently caress the cultural context! Whether you are using movie quotes or not, you're trying to tell me that these guards only see movement? Some would tell you that Jurassic Park is an important film that you should make haste to experience as you acclimate yourself to this time. However, it is my position that there is far more insight to be gleaned from the second sequel, Jurassic Park 3. The cultural detritus of Hollywood becomes truly fascinating when it abandons all pretension to art and embraces the pretension of spectacle. That's not my problem with what Moose said! You have been hounding me every step of the way through this plan. Do I even have to say anything? gently caress that! You think I'd just quit now, because you've told me yet another ridiculous story? I'll put up with you telling me that we can sneak into a giant company, or that certain people can only perceive movement. But you won't question my motivation! Let's go!We need to do a little loop-around here to get to the elevator, but again, nothing that causes any problems.  But all we have to do is wait until she turns away, right? That should be the case.... I do not believe that she is turning away. Ah, so she has thwarted us by remaining perfectly still. Clever girl... Just so you know, Kami, that is also a reference to the 1993 film Jurassic Park. We have to get past her to reach the control panel. I believe that one of us is going to have to fight her. Really? You go straight to a violent solution? When in America, do as the Americans do.Who will fight the Twitter security guard?  So, we could have a fight here, but there is an alternate solution we managed to get because we were dilligent while sneaking. gently caress that! We can use these tech magazines we found to distract her. That's a great idea, Kami. These types can't resist reading about new paradigms in tech.Kami throws the tech magazines to the side of the elevator! Okay, now we should be able to use the panel in the back. Oh! I've been wanting to read about the new streaming protocols! Looks like she won't be a problem anymore. Now, what could have been instead? I'm going to show the dialogue from the three options because I really like the dialogue here. All of these begin with us moving in the guard's line of sight so she spots us. Hey! I saw you move! you need to get out of here!From there, it splits. What Could Have Been posted:Moose vs. Twitter Security: What Could Have Been posted:Kami vs. Twitter Security: What Could Have Been posted:Zizek vs. Twitter Security:  Now, back to our current objective. We want to find whoever is in charge of this place so we can get the right things trending... so I guess we should head to the top floor. As usual, we are slaves to the structures of power, forced to go where they indicate that we must. I'm... I'm just going to push the top button. Are you sure you pressed the button for the top floor, Kami? Of course I did! We did have elevators in the virtual 1940s, after all. What was it that you hoped to find up here, Moose? Like I said: Surely there is someone in charge of this place who can use their power to help turn the tide of social media in Bobson's favor. A noble effort but I fear you may have been fundementally misunderstanding the nature of Twitter. Are you saying we wasted our time? With each passing hour we come closer to the beginning of game seven. How could I be so stupid? Don't go getting all upset just yet! Isn't that a computer terminal and a book just over there? If that stuff is here, it must be there for a reason, and probably because it belongs to someone. Let's go take a look and maybe they will come back while we wait.Time to rifle through some stuff.  "You thought Twitter was run by a person; how could you be so stupid?" Wow, really cuts right to the bone. Who writes a book with exactly one sentence in it? Especially a sentence so mean and remarkably applicable to the moment at hand? That seems both wasteful and cruel. But it's right... C'mon, let's ignore this nasty book. So where is this Al Gorithms? Is he coming back here soon, because I can't wait to beat some sense into him. I'm not talking about a person, Kami. Jeez, I know you're mad but you don't have to dehumanize Mr. Gorithms like that. No, it's... I... I thought you were the one who knew all about math. How can you not know what algorithms are? Math and computing aren't the same thing, Moose. Consider yourself, Moose. You are an expert in manipulating the path and trajectory of a baseball. But if one were to ask you to circumnavigate the Earth, it is likely that you would be lost, or at least confused. Yet, both the baseball and the Earth are spheres, and all I am asking is for you to apply your ability to manipulate to a task that should be simpler. Is this fair? Should I judge your inability to traverse the globe by your pitching ability? No! Ridiculous! I get the point. But where does this leave us? She can't program the algorithms to help out Bobson. Don't let it get you down! We'll figure out something. Well, there's nothing here. If Twitter is controlled entirely by this computer system, there's no one to convince to help us. Wait, don't give up just yet! I think I have an idea. Did you figure out how to write algorithms? No, but I think there's a way to find someone who can help us. I'm all ears. A man who is made up entirely of ears would be both a horrible mutant and the ideal candidate for understanding the beauty of listening. Zizek, you brought me out of a very simple computer game... Can't you do something similar here? You mean... Applied Ontology? If you pulled me out of that computer, why can't you do the same for this Al Gorithm? I know you mean well, Kami, but like we keep telling you... There is no "Al Gorithm". It's a code, like a series of complex virtual machines that perform functions. There's no personality there. Wait!♪ BGM: Zizek's Theme ♫ I had momentarily forgotten that “truth" can have multiple meanings. There is both the objective reality, the "truth" which cannot possibly be known because we can only perceive it through our senses... which interpret not reality, but the signs projected by reality. After all, color is only the visible spectrum of refracted light. Therefore we can say there is another "truth"——that is to say the signs in a given system which most resemble reality. But what does this all mean? I may not be able to use Applied Ontology to create a sentient physical manifestation of Twitter in the truth of reality... but I can use Applied Ontology to bring forth an interconnected system of signs which we can interact with and convince to help and so on. For all practical purposes I will bring this reality forth! Are you sure about this, Zizek? No, but that is why I must try! Dasein!  ♪ BGM: Silence ♫ This is quite unexpected. Perhaps this time I have gone too far? It is said that there are some doors which should not be opened, but that begs a rather important question: Why would such a door be built, in lieu of a wall or fence? Does the responsibility fall then upon he who has opened the door... the craftsman who designed the door to be penetrable...or the designer who chose to utilize a door in the first place? Was it I who overstepped the bounds? Or was it God?  Yes, but what is "it" that I have done? There's only one way to find out. ♪ BGM: Twitter ♫ This... This thing can really talk to us? Of course I can talk! I am a medium for #networking. I am feeling deeply uncomfortable right now. This is what we wanted, isn't it? Now we can ask this thing to help us out. Please do not call me a thing. I am @twitter and I am a social media platform and micro-blogging website. #awareness gently caress! gently caress YOU ALL YOU AWFUL PIECES OF HUMAN TRASH. #HUMANTRASH #YEAHYOU Oh I am dreadfully sorry about that. I am still working on a way to remove the #trolls from my network. #BuildABetterTwitter Wait, does it have feelings? What have I done, truly? Okay, @twitter, we brought you here because we need your help. I am sorry. Are you having difficulty accessing your account? Perhaps you are looking for @support. No, nothing like that. We need you to hide certain tweets so it looks like our friend Bobson has the fans behind him. It appears that you are asking me to do something #unethical. I do not need to be lectured on ethics by a virtual construct that I have brought into this world. I was pondering ethics back when people had to publish their thoughts on paper... and the only thing anyone wanted to read with 140 characters was a novel by Honoré de Balzac. Do not worry, I did not say that I would not #honor your request to assist your friend. #YesWeCan I merely need to find a way to #monetize your request. Are... Are you asking for a bribe? A bribe? No, that would be completely #unethical. I merely must find some way to #monetize this transaction. Well, I'm a millionaire baseball player and Zizek here has the ability to conjure physical objects from mere concepts... so I'm pretty sure we can make it worth your while. You do not seem to be understanding that I am not asking for a #bribe. Buddy, if you're not asking for a bribe then I'm not sure you understand what the word "monetize" means. It wouldn't be the first time I have been accused of failing to understand the concept. #JustTechStartupThings So if we can't bribe you, what can we do? We bent the laws of nature and science to bring you here. We cannot leave emptyhanded. Maybe you can take some of these computers? I don't need them any more and they must be worth something. You can #monetize them. Again, you seem to be misunderstanding-— What this...thing does or doesn't understand isn't important! We need to find a way to get it to help Bobson! Please stop #dehumanizing me. Whatever you are, it's not human. Both of you, stop arguing! Technically speaking, neither of you are human. You are both abominations of my own creation. You want my help? Take me with you on your quest. If you help us, the quest is pretty much over so-- Shhh, Zizek! Don't let it know that! We have leverage now. Of course you can come with us on our quest, @twitter. We would be glad to have you. Thank you, Ms. Kaminari. We can be #abominations together."We can be #abominations together" is probably contender for the greatest sentence in this game, and that's saying something, given the competition. The hashtag really makes it. YOU ARE A HORRID CREATURE AND YOUR EXTERMINATION WOULD MEAN MORE TO THE HUMAN RACE THAN ALL THE WORKS OF POSTMODERN ART PUT TOGETHER. #THETRUTH Oh dear, again, so #sorry for the #trolls. Does this mean you'll do it? You will suppress all the tweets calling for Bobson to be removed from the closer's role? What you ask of me is not #simple, but I will attempt it. #HardWork I will delve deep into the realm of #baseball twitter and I will destroy the tweets against Bobson. I will need to destroy at least 30 of these prominent tweets to be #successful. But you will keep your end of this #bargain. Of course! You will come along with us on our... uh...quest. Then let's do this! Watch out, #baseball. Here I come!Press arrow keys to move. "Z" and "Enter" to shoot. Retweets double your lasers, @s increase power. Favs restore your health. Press "A" to use the Favstar trophy. Yes, it's time for a loving shmup. We need to shoot down anti-Bobson tweets. So let's get to it!  ♪ BGM: Twitter 2 ♫ ...pffft. https://twitter.com/jonheyman/status/12897971373 TheMcD's Baseball Stuff posted:Jon Heyman, the writer of this tweet, is a baseball insider that, amongst other things, works at MLB Network. However, being a baseball insider does not mean you get everything right. In fact, if you check the replies to that tweet, you will find copious amounts of people laughing at him after the fact. So... Man, that was a lot of text. Let's bring back that image to remind us. There we go. So this is an incredibly simple shmup. You just blast anti-Bobson symbols forever and avoid their shots.  The difficulty keeps going up...  ...until you eventually lose.  I did it! Your friend #Bobson should be #trending within a few minutes. Yay! Trending! No, #trending. What's the difference? Trending won't get you #trending. I don't get it. Zizek? ... He's not talking. Moose, I’m scared. Well, new #friends, I did what you said! Now, we're going to go on an adventure together, right? That is what we agreed to. And we need to get back to Bobson then the stadium. It's morning and we're less than 12 hours 'til the game.@twitter has joined the party! Let's #go! ♪ BGM: Twitter ♫ And thus, the prophecy of my thread title has been truly fulfilled. Baseball, Zizek, Hentai and Twitter. And they're all in our party now. Next time, we return to the PEZ factory and see if we can't get Bobson back. TheMcD fucked around with this message at 21:09 on Jun 15, 2019 |
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Jun 15, 2019 20:56
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There's a lot to unpack here. Firstly, I wanted to say that I really appreciate you going the extra effort to show off as much of the dialogue and writing as possible. One of my favourite bits of dialogue actually come from Kami asking Moose to explain the vision thing, but the other one that made me laugh out loud was after Moose beat the guard by throwing baseballs and saying "Yes, and you didn't hit any of them", it was very simple and nonchalant but it really got to me. @twitter is amazing. Every RPG part needs an oddball member, even when the entire cast is already as odd as this one. I just wish it's minigame was the 'hold the button to shoot' instead of 'tap the button to keep shooting' kind.
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Jun 15, 2019 21:25
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TheMcD posted:
Theoretically the statistically ideal lineup goes something like this #1: Best on base percentage #2: 3rd best hitter #3: 5th best hitter #4: Best power hitter #5: 4th best hitter #6: best baserunner #7: single hitter/whatever #8: pitcher / random single hitter if in the american league #9 6th best hitter if in national league, 7th if in the american league. the real issue is that an optimized lineup is generally worth somewhere in the range of 10-15 runs a season, which is effectively one single win. This means that it's generally fine to focus a little more on things like streaks and managing egos than directly caring about the 4th best hitter always hitting 5th or whatever
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Jun 15, 2019 21:26
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freshlybaked posted:One of my favourite bits of dialogue actually come from Kami asking Moose to explain the vision thing OK, yeah, I just looked that up and it's pretty good. quote:
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Jun 15, 2019 21:35
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TheMcD posted:
Gonna have to try this one out in real life.
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Jun 15, 2019 21:58
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TheMcD posted:
Meanwhile, this line got me while I was drinking a coke. It went right up my nose. Oh god it burned. Worth it.
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Jun 15, 2019 23:18
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ultrafilter posted:Gonna have to try this one out in real life. If I were on the receiving end of that, I'd probably end up in a big argument with Zizek about objective reality.
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Jun 15, 2019 23:34
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I have questions. I don't want answers 
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Jun 16, 2019 01:14
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It is a rare game indeed where you can manifest a representation of Twitter as a party member and have it seem completely in line with the rest of the game.
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Jun 16, 2019 01:41
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Yapping Eevee posted:It is a rare game indeed where you can manifest a representation of Twitter as a party member and have it seem completely in line with the rest of the game. That is still the most impressive part about this game! None of this even feels all that out of left field. This is just a story where, logically, these things happen.
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Jun 16, 2019 01:42
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Twitter will betray us, don't believe its lies
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Jun 16, 2019 01:45
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#thisisagreatpartofthrgame but having a #abomination is funny, considering we also have Kami, so I can’t help but smile like a Cheshire cat.
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Jun 16, 2019 02:24
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Ah man, that Ryan Howard contract burn  That hurt a lotWhen was this game released?
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Jun 16, 2019 02:30
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mid 2015 I want to say? like june-augustish
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Jun 16, 2019 02:48
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I want to make a hashtag joke here, but I've never used Twitter, so I'll just bask #
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Jun 16, 2019 05:15
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For a random RPG Maker game the music is consistently great, is it all original to this?
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Jun 16, 2019 05:59
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Zyxyz posted:For a random RPG Maker game the music is consistently great, is it all original to this? Yes! All the music is original (well, mostly, you'll see) and composed by my partner Jenny Gibbons. swoops back into lurking mode
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Jun 16, 2019 06:28
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gyroball posted:Yes! All the music is original (well, mostly, you'll see) and composed by my partner Jenny Gibbons. This truly is the best thread
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Jun 16, 2019 06:44
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The game is insane and great, but honestly what is making this LP for me is the context behind everything. You're doing a great job at explaining the sports to everyone.
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Jun 16, 2019 07:39
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You want your best batter hitting second because they'll get more at bats on average than batting fourth.
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Jun 16, 2019 09:19
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curiousCat posted:You want your best batter hitting second because they'll get more at bats on average than batting fourth. She probably says second because leadoff something like between 20-25% of your plate appearances will be guaranteed to be without men on base. Moving up in batting order gains like 15-20 plate appearances a season. That means, statistically, swapping an .300 OPS player batting 6th with a .290 OPS player batting 5th will gain you something like 2 baserunners a season. (So as pointed out it really just kinda doesn't matter) EDIT: Also it matters a lot less in "modern baseball" because we don't try and manufacture runs and way more people hit for power, and people who hit for power are in general better batters. It used to be that your slugger had a low average/obp. This is significantly less true now. SoftNum fucked around with this message at 02:01 on Jun 17, 2019 |
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Jun 17, 2019 01:56
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Just popping in to say this LP and this game both own
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Jun 17, 2019 03:02
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Capitalism was the problem
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Jun 17, 2019 03:52
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quote:
I love this game For the Twitter shmups, is it possible to lose? The dialogue implies that we need to shoot at least 30, but I never tried otherwise.
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Jun 18, 2019 08:40
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1234567890num posted:For the Twitter shmups, is it possible to lose? The dialogue implies that we need to shoot at least 30, but I never tried otherwise. You can fail, but you just try again. #JustKeepSwimming
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Jun 18, 2019 19:39
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So who are we throwing out of our party to get Bobson back in
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Jun 18, 2019 20:02
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Bobson becomes the final boss, and we switch to playing as whatshisname, The Machine, having to guess what pitch he'll throw so we can swing accordingly.
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Jun 18, 2019 20:09
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Mzbundifund posted:So who are we throwing out of our party to get Bobson back in Bobson. It will be very meta.
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Jun 18, 2019 20:13
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Update XII - Sometimes There Isn't An Answer. There Is Only Fear And Despair. ♪ BGM: Pez Factory ♫ So, last time, we committed a crime against humanity by manifesting @Twitter in this world. Thankfully, it's still a more benign form of what it is today. This @Twitter just wants to #monetize some #brands. Anyway, we're back in the PEZ factory, ready to pick up Bobson.  I told you guys to go away! I'm not coming out until I've taken enough PEZ to fix what's wrong with me. Your talent isn't what's wrong with you, Bobson, it's the media! And with the power of Twitter, we have fixed that! Just check your timeline! Yes! Always check your #timeline! You never know when you might have some important #promoted tweets! Who is that? It's a very long story! Let us in and you'll find out! First he's gotta check his #timeline! Wow! Everyone is suddenly calling for me to be named the closer again! That's right! The #narrative has changed! #progress Now, if this is for real... Coach will have to put me back in for the ninth inning! Okay, guys, you can come on in! I'm... uh... Kind of trapped in here. Of course you are.Alright, let's head inside.  Kids don't like PEZ anymore. The novelty of the dispensers is lost on them in an era of interactive media. Right, Zizek? ... He is being awful quiet. Moose, I'm worried. We need to find Bobson and he's not here. What kind of trouble is he into? Look! There is'a computer #terminal over there. We should check it out. #curious You realize that this terminal is important? Well, it is right next to that #door? It's a door, not a #door! What are you? Calm down, Zizek. Not now.Now, let's check this place out.  Hrm. I don't think this was intended.  Boy, you want to talk about dubious claims... PEZ has never even been #trendingToday, you will have the privilege of learning about the history of PEZ and the process of making the candy that has made our company famous. Based on my #analytics, it is not the candy which made your company famous, but the dispensers. #sorrynotsorry It's a computer program, @twitter. It can't understand you. But I am a computer program. #confused You're different, @twitter. Yes... Yes you are.The very first PEZ candies were not the sweet, fruit-flavored treats enjoyed by children around the world. No, the very first PEZ were actually breath mints! Developed in 1927 by Austrian confectioner Eduard Haas III, the very first PEZ candies were made from peppermint oil. In fact, the name PEZ derives from the german word for peppermint: "pfefferminz." After World War II, PEZ released the very first version of the now-iconic dispenser, but the target wasn't children--it was smokers! Hmph, an Austrian company *would* skip right over World War II, wouldn't it? Right, Zizek? Hmph.The first PEZ dispensers were designed to look like cigarette lighters, and marketed as an anti-smoking device. But the folks at PEZ were just too forward thinking, and the smokers of the world weren't ready to quit. However. the novelty ot the dispensers appealed to a new audience-children. Fitting the dispensers with the likeness of popular cartoon characters, PEZ transformed into a cultural phenomenon. It's first licensed dispenser featured the likeness of Popeye characters, but the most popular dispensers came many years later, coinciding with the 1990s re-release of the Star Wars films. Is this really getting us closer to finding Bobson? I don't see any other way of opening this door.Various Disney and comic book characters have bolstered the appeal of the iconic PEZ dispenser over the years. The rarest PEZ dispenser of all is the "soft face" Mickey Mouse, a prototype that never went to public release. And now, as we enter a new era of candy, PEZ is poised to continue its dominance of the field, with new products from the Lord of the Rings and Marvel franchises. Now that you've heard the history, are you ready to begin the tour? Yes! God, yes!First, there will be a quiz. You have to be kidding me!Are you ready? We then answer three questions - when PEZ was founded, what the original purpose was, and what the rarest dispenser is.  After answering them correctly, we get to move on to the next room. This seems terribly #inefficient Hey, Zizek, this reminds me of the hallway in your-- Zizek? He's gone! But he was just here. Where did he run off to? I did not see him leave. Then again, I do not have #eyes. He couldn't have gone far. There isn't really any place for him to go. Is this normal for him? That wouldn't really surprise me, so I want to make sure we're not worried about nothing. I don't know. I just met Zizek last night. Wow, it seems like you've known each other forever. Venturing into an erotic Japanese PC game together creates a special bond. Did someone mention erotic #games? NO! God, no. We're done with that. Let's just keep going forward, find Bobson, then we can look for Zizek.And in the next room...  ♪ BGM: Closer's Theme ♫ I keep eating all these PEZ but they aren't doing anything. I don't feel any stronger. I don't understand... How were you trapped in here? To go through that door you have to answer all sorts of tricky trivia. I did it once, I'm not doing it again. I've had enough trivia for one day. But you only had to answer the trivia to get inside! But the door wouldn't open! Oh. Oh, now I get it. What is so hosed up with this world that you managed to make it to adulthood? Until I was 19 I though that Canadian Bacon was just regular bacon fried in maple syrup. Why would you even volunteer that!?!? Hey, where's Zizek? He'd appreciate my confusion. And what's this thing following you guys around? I am not a thing! I am @twitter. Really? Because you have some loving explaining to do with some of the horrible names you've called me when I give up runs. No, Bobson, you're thinking of the people who use twitter. This is @twitter itself. Just a few seconds ago, you said that I wasn't making any sense. Just go with it, kid. @twitter is the reason that all the sports networks are calling for you to stay in the closer spot now. It deleted a bunch of criticism of you from social media, so lazy journalists think that the narrative has changed. MY USERS ARE UNCONSCIONABLE PIECES OF poo poo WHO SHOULD BE EUTHANIZED AT ALL COST. #KILLTHEMALL Oh my... I don't know where that came from. I will sometimes have outbursts like that because my network is infested with #trolls. Seriously, guys, where's Zizek? He wouldn't be able to explain this but he'd at least say something that seems profound. He disappeared on the way here. We don't know where he went. #mystery This isn't good! We need to find him! Actually, we don't. This whole quest has been about learning another pitch and keeping you in the closer position. I think you can just assume what I'm deciding at this point. Or even before. gently caress that! Zizek is part of Team Bobson! We are not leaving him behind. Wait, we're Team Bobson now? I mean, I agree with your overall sentiment that we shouldn't just ignore Zizek's disappearance. But, c'mon, you don't just get to name the team after yourself, especially after you just loving left us to hang out in a candy factory for several hours. I think we're Team @twitter because everyone knows that I have the biggest #brand in the room. What did you just say about my-- This is getting us nowhere! I think we need to decide on a team name before we go anywhere. Even to check on Zizek at his apartment? Like you wanted to do at the start of this conversation? I don't know, Moose, there is nothing more important than #branding. Okay, fine, but we are reopening this discussion once Zizek is back. I bet he'll go for Team Bobson.Bobson re-joined the party! Yay! Alright, time to head back again.  ♪ BGM: Silence ♫ I told you it was a one-way thing. Well, you also told me that-- ♪ BGM: Terminate ♫ Are you kidding me? Now? You again? Are you stalking us? Where is your philosopher friend? Did I scare him off? Go away, Rodriguez. This bit where you show up and harass us is getting old. Am I getting old, Moose? Or are you? What are you doing here? Looks to me like Bobson is on the verge of reclaiming the closer job. Good. I can't wait to destroy you again. Weren't you just taunting him about losing his job a few hours ago? Your motivation isn't even consistent. Oh, but isn't it? No, it's not! You can't just loving flip things on their head with "oh, but isn't it" like it is deep and meaningful. Oh, but can't I? Argh! You are so god drat infuriating! What are you going to do about it? You're a video game character. #Correction, she is an #erotic video game character. You're not helping, @twitter! I'll show you what I can do! I bet you've never even heard of Sabermagics. Kami, this probably isn't a good-- Sabermagics, eh? Whatever you say, babe. Babe? BABE? Oh, you're going down, you strange walk-up music playing piece of poo poo. ♪ BGM: Kaminari ♫ I can't imagine this is going to go well. Also, the gently caress? TheMcD's Baseball Stuff posted:So, for some reason, Kami is being listed as a pitcher here, when she was previously established as a shortstop. And with that come sabermetric pitching stats. So, uh, let's give Win Hexpectancy a shot? Blessed Baseba'al, I am but a spoke in the great wheel, but I call upon your power to determine whether I will win this fight. What is this nonsense? I'm calculating Win Hexpectancy. You wouldn't understand. Okay... Two outs, bottom of the ninth, and my team has a one run lead with a base runner on second. The pitcher, a right-hander, is tiring and a league-average left handed batter is about to come to the plate. Well, you'd think this is a job for the LOOGY, right? Clearly, this is a job for the LOOGY-- the Lefthanded One Out Guy. Bring him in to deal with the batter. But then the manager just pulls the batter for a RH pinch hitter, and you are stuck with a guy on the mound who is only good against LH hitting....poo poo. You... You're right! But then what was I supposed to do? Sometimes you are faced with no-win situations... There is nothing you can do as a manager to help, and all you can do is hope it works out. No! I refuse to believe it.Kami lost the ability to use [Win Hexpectancy] against Carlos Rodriguez! What happens if we try the other answer? And now a tiring right-handed pitcher has to face a left-handed batter. Is that really the optimal match-up?There really is no right answer between those two. So, let's try the Replacement Prayer, then. De profundis clamavi ad te, Domine: Domine, exaudi vocem meam: Fiant aures tuae intendentes, in vocem deprecationis meae. Oh, this is just precious. Domine Iesu, dimitte nobis debita nostra, salva nos ab igne inferiori, perduc in caelum omnes animas, praesertim eas, quae misericordiae tuae maxime indigent. Welp. That could be any number! There's no solution for that problem. You seem obsessed with the idea of a solution. You need to realize that sometimes there isn't an answer. There is only fear and despair. Oh god, you're right...Kami lost the ability to use [Replacement Prayer] against Carlos Rodriguez! Kaminari no longer has any Sabermagics to use. Looks like I've won. ♪ BGM: Pez Factory ♫ Just as I expected. You are like all the rest. You talk a big game, but when it comes down to it you are just another loser. How is this possible? Sabermagics is just something we made up! How could he know how to defeat it? I have to say, Bobson... I'm disappointed. The three of you should know by now that parlour tricks won't work on me. THREE of us? Don't younotice that there are now four of us? #DontForgetTwitter Wow, you guys really are just getting weirder and weirder, aren't you? There's nothing #weird about social media. I help you follow your favorite #brands and keep up on the hot new #trends. Have fun with this one, Bobson. And don't forget, if you're the closer again, I'll be waiting for you in the ninth inning. You don't know that you will actually be hitting in the ninth inning! ...and now he's gone. How the hell does he keep showing up? It can't just be coincidence that he knows where we are all the time. Calm down, Kami. We've all lost to him. It's like a rite of passage at this point. I haven't lost to anyone! @twitter is still #undefeated Eh, give it time. I'm noticing a pattern. Guys, we need to forget Carlos Rodriguez for a bit. Zizek is still out there somewhere and he probably needs our help. That's right! Failure is never #trending so we should aim for #success. I... Uh... Fine, whatever. ♪ BGM: Silence ♫ He had left without telling us where he was going. Some people might have taken that as a message that he didn't want us following him. Or that he knows you should be getting ready for the game tonight!But we weren't going to give up that easily. The first place we checked was his apartment.  ♪ BGM: Spirits Among Us ♫ Let's have a look around! Maybe we'll find a #clue Aren't we violating Zizek's privacy by snooping around his apartment while he's not here? By agreeing to the terms of service, Zizek has waived the right to bring any action for infringements on his #privacy You know that this isn't the internet, right @twitter? Your terms of service don't mean anything here. I see you didn't read the terms of service, either. They apply everwhere, so I can safely search this apartment. #SorryNotSorry Hey, Moose, was bringing this guy out of the internet really such a good idea? No, but we're well past that decision now so we're going to have to get used to it.Alright, let's look around.  Did you really expect to find a clue in the shower? When I was in high school sometimes I would study in the shower because it was the only place I couldn't get distracted by my phone. That wasn't distraction, that was social media #engagement. I did actually kind of expect to get some wisdom on toilets. And yes, I know I already linked this, but it's great.  Please, PLEASE, do not put that image in my head.Zizek fucks.  You... do? Yeah, this is Egon from the Ghostbusters movies. He's the smart one. Like the Donatello to Bill Murray's Leonardo. This is French philosopher Jacques Lacan. Which one of the Ghostbusters is he? Because if he's Ray, Dan Aykroyd has not aged well. Jacques Lacan was not a Ghostbuster! He... He what? Oh, I momentarily forgot Zizek wasn't here. I was giving him an opening to explain how Lacan really *was* a Ghostbuster. Yeah, that sounds like a thing he would do. I miss him... Looks like a bunch of hastily written notes covered in wine stains. Nothing too strange for the apartment of a philosopher. These are all recent! They might give us an idea of what he's up to. Look, this one is some sort of old contract. It's his rental agreement for space at the All Night Bookstore. Why would he be going back to look at that? He was paying for his study room at that bookstore? Jeez, what a nerd. He's circled this part about damage caused to the bookstore by his philosophical experiments. Philosophical experiments shouldn't cause damage to anything. Anything but my attention span. But I was brought into this world with a philosophical experiment. And everyone knows that one bad tweet can #damage a #brand. @twitter is right! Well, not right really... But there is a point in there somewhere. Applied ontology could definitely create a lot of terrible things--things that could damage or destroy the All Night Bookstore. You think that he's at the bookstore? Performing experiments in applied ontology? This could go real bad... We need to help him! Or stop him! I don't really know, this is all confusing. If we are going to an all night bookstore I need to modify my #content viewing #settings. It's not that kind of bookstore!Well, I guess we have our destination now, but let's see what else we can find.  Night? He's only been gone for about an hour. Yiiiikes. What the hell? These drawers are full of Cap'n Crunch cereal. I'm sure Zizek has a good reason for this. Well, Cap'n Crunch *is* delicious. @RealCapnCrunch is one of my favorite #brands. This is entirely unhelpful. I'm sorry, Kami, this must be very disconcerting to you. Even though we disposed of Jimmy Dugan. I feel like we should turn off the computer, but what would happen to my teammates back in Rockford? We'd need Zizek around to even begin to answer that question. Suddenly I'm worried about my buddies #facebook and #myspace. I've got bad news about MySpace... Oh no! Did Tom unfriend me? #ouch Um, just going to let you figure this one out on your own.Alright, that's all we can see in the apartment, time to head to the book store.  All the more reason to hurry this up. We were probably supposed to be at the stadium by now getting ready. Isn't the game hours away? Merely hours, you mean. They make you stand out in the rain? Someone has to protect the bookstore. I mean, I guess so... You gonna let us in this time or are we going to have to fight you? No, you are both now full members of the All Night Bookstore. Go on ahead. Aw man, I'm a member of a bookstore? If I was a teenager I'd shove myself into a locker for this.  Here's the next part of our soda trading chain. You're a lifesaver! Vodka and Sprite tastes terrible. Here, you can have my Sprite instead.Now, to the back.  Zizek seems to have barricaded himself inside of his room at the bookstore. This is especially bad! What do we do now? Coach would kill me if I tried to move all of this furniture. I might hurt myself. We can't give up now! Looks like we are #blocked.♪ BGM: Twitter ♫ Fortunately I know something about #blocking. This is a little bit different from when you block someone on twitter. This involves large physical objects. Don't worry, guys. I know exactly what to do. #dedication Please, just be #careful and stand back while I do my work. #StandBackForTwitter I've seen a lot of #blocking, and when someone really wants to get around a #block they just create a new #account. That won't work here, so I will just #smash my way in. Do you even think that @twitter feels pain? Like, does it have nerves and a brain and all that? I'm not sure @twitter can really accomplish anything here. Let's be fair, we can only guess at how strong it really is. That looks like some heavy furniture... Boy, Kami, remind me not to make @twitter angry. Look! I did it! #strong #dedication What do you think that Zizek was hiding back there? There's only one way to find out...Well, time to see what Zizek has been up to.  ...oh no.  Those are great words of wisdom, Goku. You know this strangely-dressed man? Yeah, this is Son Goku, a member of an extraterrestrial race called the Saiyans who goes on an epic quest to find the dragon balls. Huh, I didn't know that you were such a fan of anime, Bobson. What are you talking about? Dragon Ball isn't anime! ... ... ... Listen, I just arrived in this world a few hours ago and I've had literally no opportunity to learn anything about Dragon Ball... but even I know that Dragon Ball is anime. It's not anime, it's a cartoon! They played it on Saturday mornings. A lot of things they show on Saturday mornings is #anime. What? No way! The difference between a successful person and and others is not a lack of strength, not a lack of knowledge, but a lack of will. Wise words, Goku, but we need to settle this debate. Are you anime? No, we don't need him to settle that debate. We need him to tell us where Zizek is. Fatigue makes cowards of us all. That doesn't really help us. Success demands singleness of purpose. Wow, we're really getting nowhere with this guy. Yeah, something sure seems off about Goku...  Gotta go... fast? Sonic the Hedgehog? This is bad. This is REAL bad. Listen, Moose, I know that the new Sonic games get a bad rap but there are a couple of them that really aren't that bad. That's not what I'm talking about. What is Sonic doing here in the real world? THE PEOPLE AT SEGA OF JAPAN SHOULD HAVE THEIR ARMS RIPPED OFF BY ANGRY #MONKEYS FOR WHAT THEY HAVE DONE TO SONIC. #FEEDSEGATOMONKEYS I am so very #apologetic, Mr. Sonic. Please believe that the views of my more hostile users do not reflect my own. Something doesn't quite look right with this Sonic... Please kill me. Zizek must have used Applied Ontology to bring Sonic into the real world. I don't think he did a very good job... I'm not supposed to be here. That much is clear. The chili dogs in this world taste like cardboard, my knees ache when I run, and everyone here is just trying to hide their sadness about their own decay. God drat it, Sonic, you're not supposed to say such depressing things aloud! Why do I run... when my only true destination is the grave? This is hosed up, Moose! Sonic the Hedgehog isn't supposed to be sad! I don't know anything about Sonic the Hedgehog but this is all very disturbing. @twitter, Kami: both of you were created by Applied Ontology. Do you have any insight into this? Why would I know anything about this weird hedgehog thing? You are both video game characters that Zizek brought into this world. Well, whatever he is, he's wearing shoes but not pants and it creeps me out. We are both #blue. Perhaps that has some #HiddenMeaning Blue is the color of sadness. I think we should stop talking to this weird thing... First, it needs to tell us where Zizek went. What's a Zizek? Pudgy, sloppy guy. Graying beard. He CREATED you. Well, what do we know? Zizek came here and started bringing fictional characters into the real world. You mean he started bringing MORE fictional characters into the real world. I am not a fictional character. I am @twitter. I believe that Bobson was referring to me, in a passive-agressive manner that is not appreciated. I'm just saying that all this weirdness had to start somewhere. I am not Sonic the Hedgehog or Goku the...uh... Saiyan. He'is a Saiyan. It's anime. It is not-- I guess that's what this button does... Sonic! You did it! This is probably where Zizek went. But what did I really do? Just advanced the story, advanced the steady march of time, bringing us one step closer to death. Stop it, Sonic. You're getting me down. I spend my life collecting gold rings, but as soon as someone touches me I lose all of them. I will forever be alone. Let's move on, guys. #downerWell, we've got a door. Let's see what's behind it.  ♪ BGM: Spirits Among Us ♫ Okay, so what is it? It's a Stargate. Wait, you learned about stargates in history class? That doesn't even begin to make sense. Yeah, every time we had a substitute teacher, they'd just put on a DVD of Stargate for us to watch. I guess they figured that at least it had *something* to do with history. That's horrifying. The movie is all about ancient Egypt! The fact that you think that Stargate has anything to do with Ancient Egypt is exactly the problem. Hey! Both of you are missing the point, which is that one of these stargates is right here in this room with us. From the sounds of it, this is yet another piece of fiction that Zizek has brought into the real world. Sonic, Goku, and Stargate. Zizek and I are going to need to have a talk about the sorts of media he has chosen to consume. This still doesn't tell us where he is. If he's not back here, where did he go? C'mon Kami, it is #obvious. He went through the Stargate. That does sound like the sort of thing Zizek would do. He would want to test the limits of Applied Ontology... so he would naturally want to find out whether creating a stargate would also bring into existence its destination. So what you're saying is that we're going in after him? No! We have a game to get to! At some point, Zizek is responsible for himself. Bringing a magical device from a Roland Emmerich movie into the world, then using it to launch him into space is that point. gently caress that. Wouldn't Zizek tell us that, while he might be capable of making his own choices, he is blameless for the desire which drove him to those choices? Are we just going to punish him for having feelings of depression and uncertainty that cause him to create a portal to some other world? Is that the kind of friends we are? ...We're going into the stargate, aren't we? Well, here we are. Next time, we're going into the stargate.
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Jun 19, 2019 20:00
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I don't know if I like what is says about that Sonic and Goku showing up didn't even faze me, but the freakin' Stargate had me laughing instantaneously.
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Jun 19, 2019 20:19
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Zizek the solution to realizing you created an abomination against God and all of mankind by bringing Twitter into being is not to go and create more hideous things.
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Jun 19, 2019 20:20
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Night10194 posted:Zizek the solution to realizing you created an abomination against God and all of mankind by bringing Twitter into being is not to go and create more hideous things.
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Jun 19, 2019 20:33
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Night10194 posted:Zizek the solution to realizing you created an abomination against God and all of mankind by bringing Twitter into being is not to go and create more hideous things. It might be.
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Jun 19, 2019 20:33
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TheMcD posted:
'nuff said. quote:
🤔 quote:
I still think the execution scene where they hand the professor guy the axe would have been so much cooler if they'd left the masks on.
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Jun 19, 2019 20:35
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I wish Goku were in our party
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Jun 19, 2019 20:36
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