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Josherino)
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Sanguinary Novel posted:Thanks dudes. I just got back into therapy and have been taking meds for awhile. The psychiatrist has been focusing on the anxiety lately, and stripping that back has revealed Oops! All Depression. I am going to bring that post to my therapist though and talk strategy. I do okay during the day when its light out and I'm keeping busy, but at night when I'm by myself I just fall the gently caress apart. Thanks again for your kind posts, and especially to the person who PM'd me. Glad to hear you have some good medical providers. Night time is difficult. I have PMs as well and am happy to talk to anyone about badbrains
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Jul 3, 2019 16:55
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So. CBD?
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Jul 3, 2019 17:08
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Sanguinary Novel posted:gently caress, so desperate, so ugly, so gross, so pitiful, so useless, so loving selfish so stupid Yeah, it feels good in a weird way to say things like this when you're depressed. But deep down you know they're fake. It's the bad part of your brain trying to turn every problem into the end of the world. That's not the real you though. I'm glad you're seeing someone about these thoughts. Talking about it helped me a lot when I struggled with this problem. I hope you can learn to tell those thoughts to gently caress off. That's what helped me.
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Jul 3, 2019 17:11
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Goon Danton posted:So. no thanks I'm workin right now
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Jul 3, 2019 17:58
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Chokes McGee posted:licensed only! Does anyone have any advice for what to do, when licensed therapists just aren't an option? I live in a country where these licenses are given to anyone who has the right connections.
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Jul 3, 2019 18:29
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I shouted "gently caress this country" from my porch a few times over the fireworks. That'll probably fix everything.
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Jul 4, 2019 04:02
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mekyabetsu posted:I shouted "gently caress this country" from my porch a few times over the fireworks. That'll probably fix everything. Play this for your neighbors https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VWO7atzL8i4
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Jul 4, 2019 04:20
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speaking as a licensed therapist but not giving licensed advice: deep breathing for anxiety progressive muscle relaxation for pain/anxiety/depression safe/calm place for anxiety/relaxation all of the above can be looked up on YouTube. mind over mood is an okay book for anxiety/depression though it is based in an individualistic mindset. your therapists do care, and especially the ones working public health who don’t make a lot money from the work they do. we’re all human in the end. we’re all human and most of us work the same way in terms of enjoying goal setting, working toward those goals, and feeling like we can accomplish them. Find what makes you happy.
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Jul 4, 2019 04:26
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had a really hard time out with my mom tonight i can tell therapy's working bc i never lost my head or spiralled and stayed in control of the situation when i probably would have otherwise had a panic attack or have my brain do the thing where words just sound like syllables and i have no idea what anyone's saying and i have to fake my responses so no one finds out. felt pretty good, except for the whole "feeling terrible" thing. but it felt manageable for the first time. mom: "what's yr favorite bday memory?" (she does this every year and the response is the same every year) me: "i remember photos i've seen but i don't remember being there." mom: "but don't you ever reflect?" me: "  "so yeah if i was able to navigate that without causing an incident of some kind i must be doing better. now if the IBS could stop doing its thing, that'd be just fine
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Jul 4, 2019 06:53
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Just need to vent, kinda freaking out. A kid was shot nearby on Monday and there was a weird pursuit yesterday where a lot of bullets were sprayed (but not near here). There's going to be a lot of fireworks tomorrow just like yesterday and the day before. I'll be kind of on edge about the bangs. Edit: Congrats on your progress!
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Jul 4, 2019 11:28
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RandomPauI posted:Just need to vent, kinda freaking out. A kid was shot nearby on Monday and there was a weird pursuit yesterday where a lot of bullets were sprayed (but not near here). There's going to be a lot of fireworks tomorrow just like yesterday and the day before. I'll be kind of on edge about the bangs. Oof, shellshock. Absolutely understandable. You may want to consider investing in some earplugs ahead of time and/or listening to some music you like on noise isolating earbuds.
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Jul 4, 2019 16:55
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Chokes McGee posted:Oof, shellshock. Absolutely understandable. This is good advice. Or maybe take a relaxing drive out to the middle of nowhere, although it’s hard to avoid idiots blowing poo poo up anywhere in this country today. In addition to all the other reasons to hate this “holiday,” I can’t stop thinking about all the dogs, cats, and other animal friends who get anxious and afraid when there are pops and bangs going off all over the place  . Such a loving stupid way to celebrate this garbage, shithole country.Edit: unrelated, but this thread makes me really happy, and I think the OP, DesperateDan, posts itt: https://forums.somethingawful.com/showthread.php?threadid=3856888. I love him and I love his thread  .
mekyabetsu has issued a correction as of 23:07 on Jul 4, 2019 |
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Jul 4, 2019 23:02
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last year I heard fireworks and basically disassociated so hard I was drunk as gently caress before I could really make any conscious choices. here's to coping skills hopefully working this year!
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Jul 4, 2019 23:04
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My birthday is tomorrow and yet ive always disliked this time of year bc of the fireworks. Gonna spend all night standing on the corner frowning & pointing at the municipality's FIREWORKS ARE ILLEGAL HERE sign
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Jul 5, 2019 01:11
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My girlfriend dumped me and I responded by dumping out all my booze and making an appointment to see a therapist and talk to a doctor about longer-term treatment for depression that I've been patching over with alcohol and sex for years now. This is an almost alarmingly not-terrible response and I credit my friends with frog marching me into it. Get help goons.
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Jul 5, 2019 09:28
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Zeroisanumber posted:My girlfriend dumped me and I responded by dumping out all my booze and making an appointment to see a therapist and talk to a doctor about longer-term treatment for depression that I've been patching over with alcohol and sex for years now. That's great. You're turning a negative into a positive. You'll come out of this stronger than you went in
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Jul 5, 2019 10:24
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Zeroisanumber posted:My girlfriend dumped me and I responded by dumping out all my booze and making an appointment to see a therapist and talk to a doctor about longer-term treatment for depression that I've been patching over with alcohol and sex for years now. The fact this was your response instead of a downward spiral speaks volumes about your inner strength.
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Jul 5, 2019 15:43
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Zeroisanumber posted:My girlfriend dumped me and I responded by dumping out all my booze and making an appointment to see a therapist and talk to a doctor about longer-term treatment for depression that I've been patching over with alcohol and sex for years now. This is a really healthy response. You should be really proud of yourself for not seeking maladaptive habits at this time. Congrats and it's good to hear you have a great support system in the form of your friends.
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Jul 5, 2019 16:21
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Automatonic Water posted:My birthday is tomorrow and yet ive always disliked this time of year bc of the fireworks. Gonna spend all night standing on the corner frowning & pointing at the municipality's FIREWORKS ARE ILLEGAL HERE sign hbd fellow early july bday goon~
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Jul 5, 2019 17:53
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I just quit my job from a toxic environment and am now happily unemployed. gently caress you, lovely boss
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Jul 5, 2019 18:15
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^^ mos def the right move, friend. So, thread, I've a question. What do people get out of being relentlessly negative on the forums? In the happy thread their was a discussion about how the USPOL thread in DnD was about "75% typhoid marys vomiting their negativity on each other". I was thinking about this recently as there is somebody who will remain unnamed who got a month probation for posting in CSPAM climate change thread for being a doom shouter and then ignoring it when other people pointed out the first post specifically said "no relentless negativity." I happened to click on their history, and it is literally pages and pages of posting in CC threads and being negative. And aside from Tom Friedman, pro opinion haver talking about CC just to say "you're not scared enough/you need to obey me" I just find this behavior inexplicable.
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Jul 5, 2019 19:50
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Nebakenezzer posted:^^ mos def the right move, friend. Speaking as a former Death Crew member, it depends. Some people need the catharsis, as we've seen in this thread. However, like attracts like, and without voices to say "hey maybe it's not all bad" the echos grow louder and louder. Some of it is also irony poisoning. We go "lol nothing matters" as a defense mechanism against the growing horrors of the world, and after you repeat ironic stuff long enough, you start to internalize it. It's not just a FYAD meme, it does happen. Going all in on Death Crew was probably the moment I should've stopped and asked myself what was going on in my head. You'd think writing words ON THE INTERNET would just be bullshit but it does have an effect.
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Jul 5, 2019 20:14
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So I just volunteered for my second NAMI slot. It's for police officers and, surprise surprise, no one wants to touch it with a 20 foot pole. They're desperate for somebody, so I went ahead and signed up. Even if I'm pissing into the wind, the mentally ill need a voice in front of these fucks. I also realized my first assignment is talking to committed patients in a mental ward. I'm about to have to go to some places I really don't want to and I didn't even realize it before now 
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Jul 5, 2019 20:15
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Nebakenezzer posted:So, thread, I've a question. What do people get out of being relentlessly negative on the forums? Despair can be strangely addictive, especially if you can complain about it with other people from a position of relative comfort. In C-SPAM, it often takes the form of dressed up nihilism, and a lot of people (myself included) use it to protect themselves from the nightmares we’re reading about and seeing on the news every night. If nothing matters, then the fact that I’m not doing enough to solve the problem won’t make me feel guilty, and, in a really perverse way, it makes things like child concentration camps and massive civil rights abuses more bearable. Instead of facing the reality of it and working to fix it, you can just “throw it on the pile.” It’s a bad habit, but I think it’s mostly a form of self-defense. I’m trying to stop doing it, and it’s not easy.
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Jul 5, 2019 20:21
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I've been back on my antidepressants for a bit over a month now, and the incidence of wishing I was dead has sharply declined. I still struggle with the boring parts of depression — complete lack of energy or motivation to do anything, self-imposed isolation, sleeping too much, and so on — but at least the "exciting" parts that feel like a crisis are mostly under wraps.
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Jul 5, 2019 22:40
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you need something to look forward to. i have another year of college doing something i love, and i'm starting my transition. what is your 5 year plan?
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Jul 5, 2019 22:55
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just found a job listing pop up that was exactly what I was looking for. obviously who knows how it'll go but it gives me a bit of hope.
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Jul 5, 2019 23:22
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Does anyone here experience manic episodes and would you be willing to share what they feel like? e: i ask because I think I had one recently. I didn't sleep for more than a couple hours a day for a few days and yet had tons of energy. I kept repeating the same thoughts hundreds of times unless I had something to focus on. At work I finished all my day's tasks quickly and then paced around or just fidgeted. Mostly though I went to the gym. Online resources say manics go on spending or sex sprees. I didn't do that but I felt urges like that. It's hard to say if I had an actual mental health issue or if I just had a bad week and suffered some strange effects. Annie Chickenstalker has issued a correction as of 00:58 on Jul 6, 2019 |
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Jul 6, 2019 00:48
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Oh. My. Zeus. posted:Does anyone here experience manic episodes and would you be willing to share what they feel like? They feel like you're on an amphetamine or caffeine fix, where you have what feels like to you in the moment really great drive and focus and like you can do pretty much anything you set your mind to doing. For someone who's mostly depressed and only occasionally has them, they're when I feel like "me", the educated and intelligent person who can put his nose to the grindstone and "Get Stuff Done", and in these moments things that used to seem like insurmountable hurdles of effort instead feel effortlessly easy, like I could do them without trying and I don't see why I or anyone else has any trouble with them and also my hands are visibly trembling and my thoughts and speech are too fast for other people to keep up with because my words aren't even really keeping up with the train of thought I'm having which itself isn't continuous and smooth; instead, my thoughts are like flashes of impulse and feeling and reference to other things that, at least in these moments, are enough for me to grok their entire meaning and it seems perfectly natural that everyone should think and talk and do things this way and while I'm at it I think I'll start two or three projects that end up never progressing past the next day or two.
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Jul 6, 2019 00:57
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mekyabetsu posted:Despair can be strangely addictive, especially if you can complain about it with other people from a position of relative comfort. In C-SPAM, it often takes the form of dressed up nihilism, and a lot of people (myself included) use it to protect themselves from the nightmares we’re reading about and seeing on the news every night. If nothing matters, then the fact that I’m not doing enough to solve the problem won’t make me feel guilty, and, in a really perverse way, it makes things like child concentration camps and massive civil rights abuses more bearable. Instead of facing the reality of it and working to fix it, you can just “throw it on the pile.” It’s a bad habit, but I think it’s mostly a form of self-defense. I’m trying to stop doing it, and it’s not easy. same. went off my news break for approximately 15 minutes and felt it creeping back to the fore, only now it was more aware of how i'm not doing anything. "nothing matters, especially me" is not a great thought to have. i turned it off.
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Jul 6, 2019 01:20
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When someone is having a manic episode, are they happy during it?
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Jul 6, 2019 02:26
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succ posted:When someone is having a manic episode, are they happy during it? Depends. Sometimes it's euphoria, which owns at the time, but still isn't healthy. It tends to build and build in a frenzy the more you feed it, which is unfortunate since you want to use the energy to get all the poo poo done you didn't want to do while you were on a downswing. It if it gets out of control, you can end up with giant crippling anxiety (mostly bipolar 2) or, even worse, psychotic breaks (mostly bipolar 1). It starts with delusions of grandeur/invincibility and can get real bad wrong if it goes forward from there. There's also the risky behavior that comes with thinking you're invincible and up and the greatest person who loves the entire world. Actions done in that state will sometimes come back to haunt you when you come back down, and yes I'm talking about sex (although there are other issues). There's another side of mania, though, and it's rage. Before I was medicated, getting really really really loving crosseyed angry was how my mania usually manifested. The whole goddamn world was full of idiots and I was the only one who knew what I was doing. This was not true and toxic to me and everyone around me. tl;dr it may feel good at the time but it's almost assuredly not worth it.
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Jul 6, 2019 03:50
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SHVPS4DETH posted:same. went off my news break for approximately 15 minutes and felt it creeping back to the fore, only now it was more aware of how i'm not doing anything. "nothing matters, especially me" is not a great thought to have. i turned it off. What we CAN do is work locally. Volunteer at the local level, work with your local DSA chapter, donate funds and time to local groups if you can, and spend your time working with actual people on the ground whenever you can. I have to keep reminding myself of this over and over again. It’s so easy to give in to despair. I do it all the time, as you can easily see by looking at my posts in this thread.
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Jul 6, 2019 08:29
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mekyabetsu posted:Edit: unrelated, but this thread makes me really happy, and I think the OP, DesperateDan, posts itt: https://forums.somethingawful.com/showthread.php?threadid=3856888. I love him and I love his thread That's very sweet thankyou  and yes I lurk and sometimes post here as both cspam and mental health stuff is important to meThe work I do over there helps a lot- making small changes and watching them develop into bigger things is amazing as well as the health benefits of being out and doing things but I'm really hesitant to talk about it too much lest any arsehole interpret it as a "well all these sadbrains really need is some manual labour and sunshine" because it's a lot more complex than that and I'm also privileged to have the chance to do it. That and also I'm still just as prone to bad days as I was at my worst- I just have a lot of infrastructure in place now to cope. https://i.imgur.com/kuAayxf.gifv https://i.imgur.com/sn29Upz.gifv https://i.imgur.com/1n09dJc.gifv
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Jul 6, 2019 11:31
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mekyabetsu posted:It’s so easy to give in to despair. we live in legitimately desperate times so i feel like it's less "giving in" as it is "being there" and just like anything else it's okay to recognize when being there isn't in yr best interests, and when the challenges of living with psychological conditions abrade with being in the world it's not just okay to step back, it's essential when i "bury my head in the sand" i don't stop thinking abt how hosed everything is; i'm choosing not to marinate in it as thoroughly as the internet makes possible. put yr oxygen mask on first and all that DesperateDan posted:That's very sweet thankyou all of this owns btw
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Jul 6, 2019 18:43
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So uhh I basically spent the last 3 days researching my drugs because I honest to God do not trust the psychiatrist I'm seeing right now. I'm in my hometown for a few months and she's 1 out of 2 shrinks in a city with a population of 300,000. Then it kind of hit me. Have been obsessively researching meds. I've had horrible, obsessive intrusive thoughts for almost my whole life that were, most of the time, very hard to shake off. There is a hilariously large number of people in my family with OCD. I weaned myself off of Effexor for the past few days. I realized my range of emotions has gone way higher, I can have a belly laugh at funny things. In my 1.5 years of being on meds I never thought they affected my mood much. What I'm scared of is the possible upcoming debilitating lows. edit: fwiw meds didn't "numb me down," I still felt stuff, it's just that it takes the edge of both high mood and low mood, and I guess I really missed the high mood. I'm still taking my 150mg Wellbutrin because it's not hard to get off of. Right now I feel good but I don't know if I can attribute this to me quitting SSRIs/SNRIs or the drug itself. Otherwise it feels like I drank 6 cups of coffee. I got an appointment with the p-doc I trust in 10 days, and she is 120 miles away. I'm going to make the commute for that. I just don't know if I have any recourse besides meds, because I honest to God forgot that I can actually feel such levels of high mood. I don't live in a region known for its quality mental health facilities, and 99% of psychiatrists only offer medication. My 120mi doc, at the very least, signed me up to something called This Way Up, which is kind of an online CBT program, but I have no idea how effective that would be vs traditional, personalized face-to-face CBT, which again I have no access to. Not expecting any replies, and it's way out of my character to post poo poo this personal on a public forum known to eat its young, but hopefully typing this would help me kinda. ass has issued a correction as of 19:25 on Jul 6, 2019 |
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Jul 6, 2019 19:04
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So I just want to vent and say: the fact that alcohol and nicotine are loving legal and weed is illegal in most places is goddamn insane. Just loving crazy. I stopped using nicotine cold-turkey and it was poo poo, but I did it. Booze, though? gently caress. The withdrawal from nicotine was way easier to deal with for me. I'm trying to taper off, because I stopped drinking for like a day and a half and I was loving sweating and had jelly-legs at work. Like it would be so much easier to quit if I could have some goddamn THC, but I live in a prohibition state and with a loving shithead chud that would toss me out on my rear end if he found out I was doing it; plus my job can just fire me for any reason they like, so if I get vape cartridges I run the risk of having to pass a piss test and not being able to for three loving months. Everything is just such loving garbage and I hate it. I feel like I'll never get out of this cycle of poo poo without (further) compromising everything I believe in. I just really needed to get that off of my chest. Sorry if I brought anyone down. Life is loving great, it's just the garbage bullshit that surrounds us all that I hate.
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Jul 6, 2019 19:16
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Quitting drinking is the goddamn worst, especially if you’ve been a day to day drinker for a long time. binge drinkers like I was are at risk of murdering themselves one night without meaning to but long time alcoholics will gently caress up your potassium levels to lethal amounts. it’s ultimately much better for you and I’m glad it didn’t take a near death experience to motivate you to quit.
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Jul 6, 2019 20:19
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rear end posted:So uhh I basically spent the last 3 days researching my drugs because I honest to God do not trust the psychiatrist I'm seeing right now. I'm in my hometown for a few months and she's 1 out of 2 shrinks in a city with a population of 300,000. don’t worry about posting stuff like that here, it’s the entire point of thread. this is thread Switzerland and anyone coming in here starting poo poo I will personally make sure something bad happens to them. Defendere, hoc est pactum 
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Jul 6, 2019 20:23
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Chokes McGee posted:Quitting drinking is the goddamn worst, especially if you’ve been a day to day drinker for a long time. binge drinkers like I was are at risk of murdering themselves one night without meaning to but long time alcoholics will gently caress up your potassium levels to lethal amounts. The thing that surprised me most is that I knew, on an intellectual level, that alcohol had withdrawal symptoms. But I really thought it only applied to people who'd been drinking every day for years. For me it's been a while, like three months of really drinking a lot, but I just figured I'd stop and power through it, like I did with nicotine. Plus, I know the kind of stereotypical Alcoholic's Anonymous stuff and it doesn't really apply to me. Like I haven't hosed up my life with booze, I haven't hurt people that I love - I just know that I drink too much and I want to stop, so I didn't think that I'd have any of these problems. It's just surprising to me, and it's made me have a lot more sympathy towards opiate addicts, tbh.
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Jul 6, 2019 20:58
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