The Restaurant Industry Thread: it blows, I'm not happy, and I'm not making any money

The Something Awful Forums > Discussion > Goons with Spoons > The Restaurant Industry Thread: it blows, I'm not happy, and I'm not making any money

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Air Skwirl: May 13, 2007; Neither snow nor rain nor heat nor gloom of night stays these couriers from the swift completion of their appointed shitposting.

My new restaurant I just discovered gives free meals to food bloggers, which I think is absolute bullshit poo poo. I'm not going to pretend food criticism is some bastion of journalistic integrity, but what the hell?

# ? Jul 2, 2019 18:25

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# ? May 29, 2024 13:33

MAKE NO BABBYS: Jan 28, 2010

I think my giant list of accolades and awards, up to and including a Chron Bar Star award and various Michelin ratings in my background speak for themselves.

Imagine where we�d be if everyone hadn�t had to have a goat cheese and beet salad perpetually on the menu for 20 years!!

E: Chiarello is know for groping women, threatening to ejaculate on a woman�s plate because she had food allergies, told another he�d make some �chefs cum ice cream for her pretty face,� banged on a bathroom door repeatedly while a gay male server was using it, then asked if he was done �servicing his boyfriend� when he emerged, claimed that women left �snail trails� on their seats at the mere sight of him, along with multiple wage theft claims. Don�t loving support him.

MAKE NO BABBYS fucked around with this message at 19:15 on Jul 2, 2019

# ? Jul 2, 2019 19:11

idiotsavant: Jun 4, 2000

Better not forget the burger & wood-fired flatbread with that beet salad. And I hope you have some wine his boyfriend likes, too, or no one gets any stars.

Also holy poo poo can we throw the whole celebrity chef thing down a well yet

# ? Jul 2, 2019 21:25

idiotsavant: Jun 4, 2000

hot take: there�s something where popular culture elevates a craft into art, and then �artists�, usually dude �artists�, start swinging their big-dick egos around and it�s gross and lame and stupid. Happens a lot with winemakers, too. Oh, you wrote a bunch of cellar work orders and did some trial blends? Golly, your 110% new oak artistic vision is daring and revolutionary

# ? Jul 2, 2019 21:33

MAKE NO BABBYS: Jan 28, 2010

idiotsavant posted:

hot take: there�s something where popular culture elevates a craft into art, and then �artists�, usually dude �artists�, start swinging their big-dick egos around and it�s gross and lame and stupid. Happens a lot with winemakers, too. Oh, you wrote a bunch of cellar work orders and did some trial blends? Golly, your 110% new oak artistic vision is daring and revolutionary

YUPPPPPPPPPPPP.

# ? Jul 3, 2019 01:10

The Maestro: Feb 21, 2006

It�s incredibly annoying. It�s a craft that has artistry to it. It�s not art. What I do is transfer liquid from one vessel to another. I may do it better or more creatively than others, but it doesn�t make me an artist, and it sure as hell doesn�t make some critic of my work an art critic.

# ? Jul 3, 2019 04:00

idiotsavant: Jun 4, 2000

Yeah I think one of the distinctions I make is that function > form for both cooking and wine. Craft that has artistry is a nice way to put it. Flavors/smells are some of the more powerful ways to evoke memories and emotion, and wine and food both have the potential to create incredibly evocative, moving experiences, but at the base they both come out of the function of a product.

There's a well-deserved sense of pride in really nailing that craft, especially when it does create those experiences for people, but idk, it's just weird and egotistical as hell when people take something grown in the earth by a farmer somewhere and go "OH HELL YEAH *I* MADE THAT poo poo"

# ? Jul 3, 2019 05:56

Air Skwirl: May 13, 2007; Neither snow nor rain nor heat nor gloom of night stays these couriers from the swift completion of their appointed shitposting.

https://twitter.com/VirtuallyBeth/status/1146222286049071106

I don't think I would try and keep this tip if I was their server.

# ? Jul 3, 2019 06:54

Coasterphreak: May 29, 2007; I like cookies.

idiotsavant posted:

Yeah I think one of the distinctions I make is that function > form for both cooking and wine. Craft that has artistry is a nice way to put it. Flavors/smells are some of the more powerful ways to evoke memories and emotion, and wine and food both have the potential to create incredibly evocative, moving experiences, but at the base they both come out of the function of a product.

There's a well-deserved sense of pride in really nailing that craft, especially when it does create those experiences for people, but idk, it's just weird and egotistical as hell when people take something grown in the earth by a farmer somewhere and go "OH HELL YEAH *I* TOOK THAT poo poo"

checks out.

# ? Jul 3, 2019 08:15

SHVPS4DETH: Mar 19, 2009; seen so much i'm going blind and i'm brain-dead virtually; Ramrod XTreme

idiotsavant posted:

Yeah I think one of the distinctions I make is that function > form for both cooking and wine. Craft that has artistry is a nice way to put it. Flavors/smells are some of the more powerful ways to evoke memories and emotion, and wine and food both have the potential to create incredibly evocative, moving experiences, but at the base they both come out of the function of a product.

There's a well-deserved sense of pride in really nailing that craft, especially when it does create those experiences for people, but idk, it's just weird and egotistical as hell when people take something grown in the earth by a farmer somewhere and go "OH HELL YEAH *I* MADE THAT poo poo"

smtg abt how painters don't make their own paint, sculptors don't make their own marble, photographers take pics of poo poo that's already there, etc

it's not a compelling argument and there are certainly exceptions and i'm just a scrub-rear end line cook but it's easier than trying to speak to what is or is not "art" idk

# ? Jul 3, 2019 17:55

SHVPS4DETH: Mar 19, 2009; seen so much i'm going blind and i'm brain-dead virtually; Ramrod XTreme

poo poo i should have said "no true scot" oh well gently caress it i got some days off have a shitpost

# ? Jul 3, 2019 17:59

idiotsavant: Jun 4, 2000

SHVPS4DETH posted:

smtg abt how painters don't make their own paint, sculptors don't make their own marble, photographers take pics of poo poo that's already there, etc

it's not a compelling argument and there are certainly exceptions and i'm just a scrub-rear end line cook but it's easier than trying to speak to what is or is not "art" idk

I mean traditionally painters *did* make their own paint tho? Like back in the day grinding up ores and beetle shells and doing tinctures and poo poo to get the colors they wanted. More to the point though, painting, sculpture, �art� stuff is all form > function. You can�t eat a sculpture, you can�t drink a painting. Though I don�t know that I make a compelling argument either, other than being tired of bloated egos jerking themselves off

# ? Jul 3, 2019 21:33

Willie Tomg: Feb 2, 2006

Bloated egos jerking themselves off to the detriment of the industry is a problem in pretty much every creative field though, even moreso when you get away from commercial art (hollywood, which is already problematic enough) and into the tax-shelter arts (paintings and sculpture).

# ? Jul 4, 2019 01:09

SHVPS4DETH: Mar 19, 2009; seen so much i'm going blind and i'm brain-dead virtually; Ramrod XTreme

idiotsavant posted:

being tired of bloated egos jerking themselves off

that i�ll cosign

# ? Jul 4, 2019 03:12

Discendo Vox: Mar 21, 2013; We don't need to have that dialogue because it's obvious, trivial, and has already been had a thousand times.

Crossposting some fun from Alkydere in your sister thread in arms, the Retail Thread over in BFC.

Alkydere posted:

Never heard of it and I was so desperate to get out of food service I dove head first into Amazon. The effective payraise didn't hurt.

Tales of Fuckwit Mcgee
Anyways, the place I worked at was Snap Kitchen. They started in Austin, and expanded to Dallas and Houston and a few more cities. The theme was Health Food but a) actually tasty and b) in pre-made meals you can take home and stick in your fridge for a few days for when you're hungry. So this is all bulk processing. When I worked, all of the food for the several Austin locations (like 12 I think?) were made in two kitchens. One in the back of the Triangle Ave. shop that was the flagship shop, and one in the back of the Westlake Hills shop (where I worked). By the way if you see one of these in the wild (they're still about), and have the money do give them a try. The chefs who designed the food did an amazing job on the "tastes good" part. I miss the almond butter and maple pancakes so much...

When I came in I was a legit spoiled, confused white kid out of college but over a couple years I learned to buckle down and basically became a quasi-manager. The kitchen opened at 4 AM but usually didn't close until 6 PM, or sometimes later, like midnight. So I was the senior-most, English speaking kitchen worker after the manager left at 2-ish (if they were lucky). When one of our managers quit I hoped to be promoted. Fat loving chance, instead one of the people who owned the company someone they knew. My manager doesn't get promoted to Austin Kitchen Manager, she's stuck here at Westlake and I don't get moved to Westlake KM. No, the manager who was responsible for both Austin kitchens get replaced with Fuckwit McGee so he's not only above me, he's above my manager. And since the kitchen only has one manager, he's here 2 days a week/every week so she can have a weekend.

He comes in October/November and we shrug and move on. Life goes on, it's the end of the year so it's a chill, relaxing lazy time while everyone pigs out on winter feasts and food. Nothing really happens.

Then we hit New Years
Fuckwit McGee fucks up everything. This is the health food industry, so obviously New Years Resolutions when everyone's trying to eat healthy is when we get a bunch of new and returning customers. It's our version of the retail winter siege. He hosed up and didn't stock up on nearly everything and he's on the phone with our suppliers trying to get emergency dropoffs for a good chunk of the day, running to the store to pick up poo poo himself. To top it off we have a new recipe: the hot chicken with mac and cheese side. This stuff is marinated over night in an orange yogurt mix, breeded, and cooked on a flat-top. Then cooked in an oven. Then chilled to prep temperatures to be sliced up and portioned out in recyclable plastic containers on a bed of macaroni and cheese. It's a lot of work. And between "new recipe" and "new years" we have a whopping 300 pounds of this poo poo to prepare.

I'm busy making a 100 pound batch of rice spaghetti for our bolognese (one of three I had to make that night) when McGee comes by to stuff a tray of the chicken, fresh from the oven, into the blast freezer. A couple minutes later the cook who's working on the chicken comes by and grabs a tray to start slicing it up only to see it's not cooked all the way through, takes one look at it and goes "Uh, Chef McGee, the rest of this needs to go back into the oven right now before it cools off."

Fuckwit: "nah it will be fine."

Cook goes and gets another cook, one who graduated from a culinary school less than a month ago. She tells him it needs to go in. He brushes her off. Culinary school cook goes to get the meanest worker in the shop, and this tiny little Mexican lady stomps up like a bear with a sore tooth. She tells him in no uncertain terms this needs to back in the oven. Again he brushes her off. I'm too busy getting the rice spaghetti out of the cooker and into the second cooker I've filled with an ice bath to shock it before it turns into 100 pounds of rice slime to add to this. So what do we do? Well me, angry Mexican Lady and Cooking School lady are also the packers that night and we know we're gonna be there for a while so we just...push back the packing of the chicken until after Fuckwit Mcgee goes home. He got there at 4 AM, we'll be there chugging coffee past midnight packing and doing night prep and dishes we know we'll outlast him. When he's gone we pack what he can, take pictures of the undercooked chicken to send to his boss. Oh and explain to the Delivery team that that one of the four hot new items only has about half of its production, which means they're gonna have angry store managers yelling at them for something that wasn't their fault.

The response to this? Fuckwit McGee gets absolutely reamed and not fired because he's someone's friend at corporate, and we proceed to make closer to 400 pounds of hot chicken every day for the next five days. He also then proceeds to undercook chicken twice more (that I remember) in the 11 months he was there. Once with the hot chicken again, and once with a crew meal he made for everyone. Remember, this isn't undercooked chicken served still warm from the oven directly to a customer: it's undercooked chicken that would have been sitting in a fridge for maybe three or four days before they ate it.

Fuckwit McGee and Cross Contamination
So there's only so many hotel carts in the kitchen, and the morning cooks need space to put stuff on them to store or cool in the walk-in fridge. So Fuckwit McGee asks the morning dishwasher to combine the veggies cooked the last night for us packers to, well, pack later and make space for the cooks. Now, well meaning as he is the dishwasher is, well, a dishwasher. He don't know what we cook at night. He can tell the roast brocollini from the sweet potato fries. What he can't tell the difference between at just a glance is the cubed, roasted sweet potato from the cubed, roasted butternut squash. In fact he doesn't even know what we cook so he doesn't even know we cube and roast the butternut squash he helps unload from the deliveries.

Honest mistake, poo poo happens. This is a cross contamination issue though so while we could eat it if we wanted to, we sure as hell can't serve it. For all we know someone might be allergic to yams or butternut squash (allergies like that do happen). So there's only one solution: remake the stuff. Thankfully it's July, again another slump for health food so we don't have to make much. We just have to make it. Fuckwit McGee throws a hissy fit because we won't just pick it apart when even we, the people who cooked this (packers were also the night prep crew) have a hard time telling it apart without squishing every single piece to see if it squishes like roast yam or roast butternut.

So I go into the kitchen to start peeling and chopping up some fresh sweet potatoes. Fuckwit McGee realizes what I'm doing and goes "Why are you doing that?"
"It's a cross contamination issue man, gotta make more."
"Who told you to do that!?"
"Uh, the other packer/cook" (the one who has a degree in culinary arts)
He spins back around in his chair and mutters under his breath "Thanks [co-worker's name.]" in a real hissy whisper. That she can hear because the wall between the manager's desk has a window from when the kitchen was a short-order restaurant. I'm also only a few feet behind him and I can hear him whisper it as well and it took a force of will not to slam the knife I was holding down onto the cutting board and cussing him out.

The kicker? By this point we're used to dealing with Fuckwit McGee and one of the things we do everything we can do to avoid is let him do ANY inventory. Because at best he wouldn't do it, at worst he'd half-rear end it and we'd end up under-supplied and out of some produce and drowning in other things. Or drowning in the WRONG item that we don't use and therefore cannot use.

We were out of butternut squash. So I had to run to the grocery store to pick up 10 pounds to peel, clean, cut up and then cook. This was sadly not the first time I had to do this so getting comped on my next paycheck was rather easy.

# ? Jul 5, 2019 15:06

Alkydere: Jun 7, 2010; Capitol: A building or complex of buildings in which any legislature meets.
Capital: A city designated as a legislative seat by the government or some other authority, often the city in which the government is located; otherwise the most important city within a country or a subdivision of it.

I swear if I knew about this thread back when I worked in that kitchen you'd have more stories about Fuckwit McGee as I came home ranting blowing off steam from fixing his mistakes. I have actively tried to forget them but those two moments just stick in my head.

It took me two months to finally convince him that we shouldn't peel our sweet potatoes a day ahead of time and let them soak to fully remove the dirt. Why? Because they get water logged. Which means they're heavier (so we get the weight we need to make wrong) they cook differently (so we can't guarantee as good a product) and they're physically harder which makes them harder to cut and us more likely to cut ourselves when the knife goes whichever way it wants.

# ? Jul 5, 2019 23:35

Roll of Quarters: Jan 7, 2012

Good luck everyone with Sunday brunch and women's World Cup tomorrow

# ? Jul 7, 2019 05:05

whos that broooown: Dec 10, 2009; 2024 Comeback Poster of the Year

Roll of Quarters posted:

Good luck everyone with Sunday brunch and women's World Cup tomorrow

I've been off for a week for the 4th and destroyed myself with alcohol. It's all I know.

# ? Jul 7, 2019 06:42

Air Skwirl: May 13, 2007; Neither snow nor rain nor heat nor gloom of night stays these couriers from the swift completion of their appointed shitposting.

https://twitter.com/nsilverberg/status/1147316359535177731?s=19

# ? Jul 7, 2019 06:55

Shooting Blanks: Jun 6, 2007; Real bullets mess up how cool this thing looks.

-Blade

Roll of Quarters posted:

Good luck everyone with Sunday brunch and women's World Cup tomorrow

I'll be the drunk whistling at my server for another round of beers.

# ? Jul 7, 2019 12:47

captkirk: Feb 5, 2010

Not industry related strictly but I feel like this question will amuse the folks from this thread

https://www.reddit.com/r/AskCulinary/comments/ca418x/what_is_this_soup_that_they_serve_in_hotels/

# ? Jul 7, 2019 17:46

AARD VARKMAN: May 17, 1993

captkirk posted:

Not industry related strictly but I feel like this question will amuse the folks from this thread

https://www.reddit.com/r/AskCulinary/comments/ca418x/what_is_this_soup_that_they_serve_in_hotels/

Thank you, this was ridiculously wholesome

# ? Jul 7, 2019 17:49

Phil Moscowitz: Feb 19, 2007; If blood be the price of admiralty,
Lord God, we ha' paid in full!

Imagining a person with a European accent asking the hotel staff what kind of soup they�re serving at the breakfast bar, and getting a blank-rear end stare in response.

# ? Jul 7, 2019 18:01

Elizabethan Error: May 18, 2006

Phil Moscowitz posted:

Imagining a person with a British accent asking the hotel staff what kind of soup they�re serving at the breakfast bar, and getting a blank-rear end stare in response.

ftfy

# ? Jul 7, 2019 18:10

Suspect Bucket: Jan 15, 2012; SHRIMPDOR WAS A MAN
I mean, HE WAS A SHRIMP MAN
er, maybe also A DRAGON
or possibly
A MINOR LEAGUE BASEBALL TEAM
BUT HE WAS STILL
SHRIMPDOR

Also imagine eating sausage gravy like a soup and getting only approving nods from adjacent southerners

"Well drat honey, I guess that's how the new fangled key toes diet works."

# ? Jul 7, 2019 18:56

Phil Moscowitz: Feb 19, 2007; If blood be the price of admiralty,
Lord God, we ha' paid in full!

Elizabethan Error posted:

ftfy

I assumed as much

Suspect Bucket posted:

Also imagine eating sausage gravy like a soup and getting only approving nods from adjacent southerners

Lol yes. �How come I never thought a that??�

# ? Jul 7, 2019 18:56

TheKennedys: Sep 23, 2006; By my hand, I will take you from this godforsaken internet

I'm slightly more concerned that those aren't biscuits but toast, and the gravy is on the plate instead of on the side? what Yankee tomfoolery is this

e: if they were biscuits the gravy would obviously be on top as god intended

TheKennedys fucked around with this message at 19:04 on Jul 7, 2019

# ? Jul 7, 2019 19:02

Spaced God: Feb 8, 2014; All torment, trouble, wonder and amazement
Inhabits here: some heavenly power guide us
Out of this fearful country!

Skwirl posted:

https://twitter.com/nsilverberg/status/1147316359535177731?s=19

HI hello it's me the humble lurker who doesn't work ~in industry~

This made me wonder how dishes on a menu are ordered, beyond the standard headers of soups, starters, etc. I've always heard stuff about like "focus testing to make the maximum amount of profit per unit time of eye gazing" or some poo poo but that doesn't sound right. Is there really some science to it or am I just overthinking it?

# ? Jul 7, 2019 19:38

Air Skwirl: May 13, 2007; Neither snow nor rain nor heat nor gloom of night stays these couriers from the swift completion of their appointed shitposting.

Spaced God posted:

HI hello it's me the humble lurker who doesn't work ~in industry~

This made me wonder how dishes on a menu are ordered, beyond the standard headers of soups, starters, etc. I've always heard stuff about like "focus testing to make the maximum amount of profit per unit time of eye gazing" or some poo poo but that doesn't sound right. Is there really some science to it or am I just overthinking it?

Generally either the owner or a manager puts it together based on what they think looks good, or they pay a graphic designer to do the same. If it's a small place that does paper menus that change more frequently it'll be a bit more haphazard since they aren't going to want to completely redo the menu because two items change.

# ? Jul 7, 2019 19:45

Liquid Communism: Mar 9, 2004; коммунизм хранится в яичках

Often I see it grouped first by course, then by protein.

# ? Jul 7, 2019 21:20

Naelyan: Jul 21, 2007; Fun Shoe

Liquid Communism posted:

Often I see it grouped first by course, then by protein.

This, but then within each group I try to make the first item something either inviting and familiar or unique and standout (whatever is less common for that menu), have the highest margin item (not necessarily the most expensive, but often times) second from the bottom or last (depending on prices) with something similarly priced next to it (to keep sticker shock to a minimum). I try to keep the vegetarian/specialty diet options near the middle of the section (I've gotten feedback that when they're the last items people feel like they were just tacked on as an afterthought). If it's a seasonal menu that changes more than a few times a year, chances are I've got a few dishes that stay on, and I try to make sure that they move around a little bit to keep the menu as a whole looking fresher for our regulars.

# ? Jul 8, 2019 03:20

iospace: Jan 19, 2038

Someone, today, seriously suggested we have a flat top that we cook only vegetarian items on

# ? Jul 8, 2019 03:38

whos that broooown: Dec 10, 2009; 2024 Comeback Poster of the Year

We once had a patron who had a "red and orange food" allergy.

# ? Jul 8, 2019 03:47

Air Skwirl: May 13, 2007; Neither snow nor rain nor heat nor gloom of night stays these couriers from the swift completion of their appointed shitposting.

iospace posted:

Someone, today, seriously suggested we have a flat top that we cook only vegetarian items on

People who are vegetarian for religious reasons often won't eat food cooked on the same thing as meat.

# ? Jul 8, 2019 04:00

iospace: Jan 19, 2038

Skwirl posted:

People who are vegetarian for religious reasons often won't eat food cooked on the same thing as meat.

This was a pasty white woman.

Probably not the case.

# ? Jul 8, 2019 04:10

Malachite_Dragon: Mar 31, 2010; Weaving Merry Christmas magic

If they can't see it being cooked and don't have an actual allergy then what does it matter

# ? Jul 8, 2019 04:15

Anne Whateley: Feb 11, 2007; i like nice words

An allergy to beef, pork, and lamb is a legit possibility https://www.npr.org/sections/thesalt/2018/06/25/621080751/red-meat-allergies-caused-by-tick-bites-are-on-the-rise

# ? Jul 8, 2019 04:18

Spaced God: Feb 8, 2014; All torment, trouble, wonder and amazement
Inhabits here: some heavenly power guide us
Out of this fearful country!

Naelyan posted:

This, but then within each group I try to make the first item something either inviting and familiar or unique and standout (whatever is less common for that menu), have the highest margin item (not necessarily the most expensive, but often times) second from the bottom or last (depending on prices) with something similarly priced next to it (to keep sticker shock to a minimum). I try to keep the vegetarian/specialty diet options near the middle of the section (I've gotten feedback that when they're the last items people feel like they were just tacked on as an afterthought). If it's a seasonal menu that changes more than a few times a year, chances are I've got a few dishes that stay on, and I try to make sure that they move around a little bit to keep the menu as a whole looking fresher for our regulars.

This is super informative! Thanks a ton!

# ? Jul 8, 2019 04:38

Babylon Astronaut: Apr 19, 2012

Menu engineering gets deep, but a main concept is correlating your high contribution items where the menu space is most eye catching, ie. right, near top. Using your sales mix, you can push things or sideline items to maximise profit. So you have something that might not sell as well, but makes money, you try to bring it forward. Or you have something that sells and everyone knows about, so you sideline it to move other items that have higher contribution margins.

# ? Jul 8, 2019 04:58

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# ? May 29, 2024 13:33

iospace: Jan 19, 2038

Anne Whateley posted:

An allergy to beef, pork, and lamb is a legit possibility https://www.npr.org/sections/thesalt/2018/06/25/621080751/red-meat-allergies-caused-by-tick-bites-are-on-the-rise

Oh yes, but this was right after we cleaned our grill and she complained her "pancakes tasted like bacon" (unlikely but ok), and that she doesn't eat meat. It was a white woman looking for white woman things to whine about.

And she tipped like rear end when I told her no, we do not.

iospace fucked around with this message at 05:18 on Jul 8, 2019

# ? Jul 8, 2019 05:07

The Something Awful Forums > Discussion > Goons with Spoons > The Restaurant Industry Thread: it blows, I'm not happy, and I'm not making any money

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