GWS General Chat: Damn I feel like a boss when I have one in each hand.

The Something Awful Forums > Discussion > Goons with Spoons > GWS General Chat: Damn I feel like a boss when I have one in each hand.

«‹›895 »

therattle: Jul 24, 2007; Soiled Meat

skooma512 posted:

Dumped a random quantity of kosher salt in the water while it was coming up to boil and then the noodles tasted salty even though I rinsed them off.

I've never had it happen before either.

I hope you�ve learned a valuable lesson.

Man, I love that phrase.

# ? Jul 24, 2019 22:10

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# ? May 23, 2024 19:40

Suspect Bucket: Jan 15, 2012; SHRIMPDOR WAS A MAN
I mean, HE WAS A SHRIMP MAN
er, maybe also A DRAGON
or possibly
A MINOR LEAGUE BASEBALL TEAM
BUT HE WAS STILL
SHRIMPDOR

I'm surprised there's not a 'Take my Zucchini!' app

# ? Jul 24, 2019 22:10

therattle: Jul 24, 2007; Soiled Meat

Suspect Bucket posted:

I'm surprised there's not a 'Take my Zucchini!' app

Hard to monetise.

# ? Jul 24, 2019 22:13

Suspect Bucket: Jan 15, 2012; SHRIMPDOR WAS A MAN
I mean, HE WAS A SHRIMP MAN
er, maybe also A DRAGON
or possibly
A MINOR LEAGUE BASEBALL TEAM
BUT HE WAS STILL
SHRIMPDOR

therattle posted:

Hard to monetise.

That's what they said about Twitter

We can sell people's plant data to burpee

# ? Jul 24, 2019 23:45

Errant Gin Monks: Oct 2, 2009; "Yeah..."
- Marshawn Lynch

Casu Marzu posted:

Enough zucchini to bury a house is no joking matter

I haven't grown a zucchini or summer squash in ages cuz everyone else is trying desperately to get rid of crates of it every week.

I just picked 4 that were over 18 inches long each and as big around as a baseball. I have 5900000 more on the vines

# ? Jul 25, 2019 01:35

SubG: Aug 19, 2004; It's a hard world for little things.

Suspect Bucket posted:

That's what they said about Twitter

Zucchini doesn't provide a platform to nazis.

# ? Jul 25, 2019 01:47

Hauki: May 11, 2010

SubG posted:

Zucchini doesn't provide a platform to nazis.

you joke, but there's been some hubbub recently about some vendors at farmer's markets being outed as nazis

# ? Jul 25, 2019 01:54

Mr. Wiggles: Dec 1, 2003; We are all drinking from the highball glass of ideology.

Hauki posted:

you joke, but there's been some hubbub recently about some vendors at farmer's markets being outed as nazis

Who do you think breeds white asparagus?

# ? Jul 25, 2019 03:20

biggfoo: Sep 12, 2005; My god, it's full of !

No...not Helmut too :negative:

# ? Jul 25, 2019 03:33

SubG: Aug 19, 2004; It's a hard world for little things.

Hauki posted:

you joke, but there's been some hubbub recently about some vendors at farmer's markets being outed as nazis

I got Baker Creek to remove me from their mailing list after they invited Cliven Bundy to be a speaker at their Spring Planting Festival.

# ? Jul 25, 2019 04:11

therattle: Jul 24, 2007; Soiled Meat

Mr. Wiggles posted:

Who do you think breeds white asparagus?

# ? Jul 25, 2019 10:12

Croatoan: Jun 24, 2005; I am inevitable.
ROBBLE GROBBLE

Speaking of, I have not had white asparagus in years. Never see it much anymore. Was quite the fad 10 years ago. I wonder what today's food fad is that white people have discovered thus tripling the prices for?

Edit: oh wait, it's edibles. They found out weed is cool and good again.

# ? Jul 25, 2019 14:14

Errant Gin Monks: Oct 2, 2009; "Yeah..."
- Marshawn Lynch

SubG posted:

I got Baker Creek to remove me from their mailing list after they invited Cliven Bundy to be a speaker at their Spring Planting Festival.

Wait what the gently caress?! That�s where I get all my seeds from.

# ? Jul 25, 2019 15:55

SubG: Aug 19, 2004; It's a hard world for little things.

Errant Gin Monks posted:

Wait what the gently caress?! That�s where I get all my seeds from.

They announced that he was going to be a speaker---apparently Bundy is a subject matter expert on dryland farming and heirloom watermelons in addition to all the domestic terrorism and white supremacy.

A bunch of folks on social media said what the gently caress, why are you inviting him to speak, gently caress that.

Their first response is oh he's controversial, we had no idea he did anything other than grow crookneck watermelons.

Someone discovers that Baker Creek had previously sent someone to interview him in federal prison for an article which mentions all the other poo poo. Last I check the article is still up:

Baker Creek on Bundy posted:

Cliven Bundy was one of Art�s old gardening pals and had received the seeds from Art in the 1970s. Art entrusted Cliven with a few precious seeds poured directly from the vessel. These were seeds for the handled watermelon, not the large round melon that Art had been selectively breeding since the 1930s. Cliven�s reputation as an expert melon farmer reassured Art that he would continue to keep the seeds in production. Bundy shared seeds of the ancient watermelon with countless local gardeners, some of whom liked the handled trait and selectively bred for watermelons with handles.

Bundy is better known for his involvement in a nationally publicized dispute over paying to graze cattle on public land. He had passed these seeds along with his other precious heirloom melon varieties to our Southwest gardener friend, just a few hours before Bundy�s fellow protester Levoy Finicum was shot at the infamous Oregon wildlife refuge occupation. Shortly after the shooting, Bundy was taken into custody and has been held without bail since. The last known steward of the ancient watermelon, Bundy, is Federally incarcerated at a prison outside of Las Vegas, Nevada.

With this news, the Baker Creek team hit the road for the Nevada Southern Detention Center for an interview with the famous, or infamous, cattle rancher and melon ace. Although he was a far cry from his home garden in Bunkerville, NV, Cliven recounted his lifelong passion for melon growing and breeding with enthusiasm that transported us from the within prison walls, right to his beloved melon patch.

Baker Creek now spends roughly 24 hours and a whole shitload of tweets arguing blah blah blah free speech all we care about is seeds and won't anyone think of all the crookneck watermelons he's helped.

A shitload of people announce gently caress this, take me off your mailing list I don't want to do business with you anymore.

They announce that they're uninviting Bundy because of `safety concerns' because people might protest their event. There, aren't you happy, you don't have to get all angry and stop buying stuff from us.

A bunch of people explain no ya dumb fucks, the problem isn't `safety concerns' because there might be protesters, the problem is he's a loving domestic terrorist and white supremacist, take me off your mailing list.

I don't know if there's more to it after that, because I'm one of the people who told them to please for gently caress sake just delete my account and any personal information of mine you have and stop contacting me and on the bright side after two or three emails they did so.

Too bad too, they had a loving gorgeous catalog and I always got good seeds from 'em. But fuuuuuuuuck doing business with anyone adjacent to Cliven loving Bundy. And fuuuuuuuck 2019.

Edit:

Here's a link to the spot in the SA veg gardening thread where it's first mentioned. The thread quotes a couple of tweets from @rareseeds, the official Baker Creek twitter account, and I quote the form email Baker Creek sent to everyone who emailed them about it.

SubG fucked around with this message at 18:53 on Jul 25, 2019

# ? Jul 25, 2019 18:45

Cactus Ghost: Dec 20, 2003; you can actually inflate your scrote pretty safely with sterile saline, syringes, needles, and aseptic technique. its a niche kink iirc

the saline just slowly gets absorbed into your blood but in the meantime you got a big round smooth distended nutsack

Croatoan posted:

Speaking of, I have not had white asparagus in years. Never see it much anymore. Was quite the fad 10 years ago. I wonder what today's food fad is that white people have discovered thus tripling the prices for?

Edit: oh wait, it's edibles. They found out weed is cool and good again.

also they can now, in several states, pay someone else to make edibles for them, opening up the vast number of office workers who don't cook a drat thing besides the occasional meal kit

# ? Jul 25, 2019 22:12

A Proper Uppercut: Sep 30, 2008

Hi I have nowhere else to talk about this, so a place I get take out from has some fancy ribs with whole schezuan peppercorns on them and I bit into one and thought I was having a stroke. That's my story, thanks for listening!

# ? Jul 25, 2019 23:45

Hellsau: Jan 14, 2010; NEVER FUCKING TAKE A NIGHT OFF CLAN WARS.

A Proper Uppercut posted:

Hi I have nowhere else to talk about this, so a place I get take out from has some fancy ribs with whole schezuan peppercorns on them and I bit into one and thought I was having a stroke. That's my story, thanks for listening!

drat, those ribs were so good it made you think you were having a stroke? Those are some good fuckin' ribs.

# ? Jul 26, 2019 00:14

A Proper Uppercut: Sep 30, 2008

Hellsau posted:

drat, those ribs were so good it made you think you were having a stroke? Those are some good fuckin' ribs.

Yea that was worded badly. Specifically, a peppercorn

# ? Jul 26, 2019 00:50

Cactus Ghost: Dec 20, 2003; you can actually inflate your scrote pretty safely with sterile saline, syringes, needles, and aseptic technique. its a niche kink iirc

the saline just slowly gets absorbed into your blood but in the meantime you got a big round smooth distended nutsack

Hellsau posted:

drat, those ribs were so good it made you think you were having a stroke? Those are some good fuckin' ribs.

that'd be the toast crumbs in the rub, i reckon

# ? Jul 26, 2019 00:54

That Works: Jul 22, 2006; Every revolution evaporates and leaves behind only the slime of a new bureaucracy

Hauki posted:

I’m assuming this is hyperbolic, but I had a great green bean and zucchini meze that was lightly pickled with a bunch of fresh dill & other herbs

I had 7 lb combined of zucchini and yellow squash last week from the garden. Once the plants go they blow up for about a month of solid produce.

# ? Jul 26, 2019 00:58

SubG: Aug 19, 2004; It's a hard world for little things.

A Proper Uppercut posted:

Hi I have nowhere else to talk about this, so a place I get take out from has some fancy ribs with whole schezuan peppercorns on them and I bit into one and thought I was having a stroke. That's my story, thanks for listening!

In cooking Sichuan peppercorns are usually used dried. They're even more overwhelming fresh.

# ? Jul 26, 2019 01:09

Discendo Vox: Mar 21, 2013; We don't need to have that dialogue because it's obvious, trivial, and has already been had a thousand times.

My diet of �hot items�: why I pity people who have learned to cook

Kate Mossman posted:

The thing is, I know I need to learn to cook, and will, but really, I don�t know when that day will come. It�s not fear that stops me. It�s because cooking is so deeply boring. It makes me want to cry. When an amateur chef tells me what I�m missing � how easy it is, how creative, how relaxing � I look at them as if down the wrong end of a telescope. I feel pity, because unlike me they are denied the pleasure of getting very hungry in the middle of some late afternoon activity, imagining what they want (the creative part), instantly buying that thing and eating it on the train, or in the road, and satisfying their needs within seconds.

There are various commonly repeated phrases cooks like, which also make me pity them. One is: �I love doing it to unwind when I get home from work, with a glass of wine.� When I get home from work, I need to eat straightaway. Why would I want to look at the broken down components of the meal I crave, and push them around in a pan while listening to Front Row, feeling my hunger wane as I watch the fibres sinking, the sauces coagulating, all the mystery gone, for one hour, before eating the meal in a tenth of the time it took me to make it?

Another thing cooks say is: �It�s really great, you can make it and keep it in the fridge all week in a Tupperware box and have it every night and every day at work too if you want.� That one speaks for itself.

Perhaps I should clarify my skill level. When I say I don�t know how to cook, I mean I don�t know how to warm things up either. I keep light bulbs in my oven. I can put beans in a microwave but I don�t know, say, how to cook a piece of bacon; I wouldn�t know how long to keep it in the pan for, to make it safe to eat, and not grey. Likewise an omelette (�so easy�): I would get salmonella.

And how do you stop it sticking to the pan? Butter? Oil? I have watched it being done so many times but, like a kind of dyspraxia, I cannot take it in. My mind goes dark. Many years ago, I decided to boil an egg for my breakfast, so I looked up the instructions on the computer. By chance, the recipe that I alighted on was a ten-step recipe, which I assumed was normal. The egg took a long time and was hard, confirming to me that cooking was complicated, and that the process strips all the pleasure out of the end product.

Not being able to cook does not mean I dine out in restaurants. I have no money for that. I dine on what I�d broadly call �hot items�, individual morsels which satisfy the instant hunger that seems, mysteriously, to be such a part of my life. Wraps. Falafels. Hot dogs. Samosas. Bits of hot meat. Greggs vegan sausage rolls. Buttermilk fried chicken cutlets from the branches of Sainsbury�s that have a hot oven.

I conscientiously counterbalance the saturated fat elements of these items with small amounts of fruit � and in the evening I regularly enjoy a tin of peas covered in soy sauce, eaten cold with a teaspoon from the can, while standing in the kitchen. And rather than going for volume � which would be unhealthy � I like to substitute flavour in my food, adding Tabasco and chilli seeds to most things, including a sandwich I recently had in America, which was listed on the menu as the Elvis, and featured banana, peanut butter and bacon within deep-fried bread.

When I go to America, I get the sense of how I could live. Apart from corndogs (the ultimate hot item, the longer left turning on the rollers the better) my favourite American snack is Slim Jims, a brand of cured meat and �cheese food product� manufactured in Illinois, packaged as two separate, foot-long strands. You tear off the top and bite a mouthful of meat and cheese together: the salt and fat are an instant pick-me-up, perfect for breakfast. I get them in gas stations, and return to the UK with my holdall laden � only to find them slightly less appealing on the other side of the Atlantic, when they�ve sweated on the journey, and lost a bit of their structure.

Yes, I recommend my diet to you � it keeps me relatively slim, and it saves my evenings for things other than stirring a pot, relaxing and sipping a glass of wine.

# ? Jul 26, 2019 20:47

esperantinc: May 5, 2003; JERRY! HELLO!

Discendo Vox posted:

My diet of �hot items�: why I pity people who have learned to cook

Appropriate, I think: This article appears in the 24 July 2019 issue of the New Statesman, Shame of the nation

# ? Jul 26, 2019 20:57

No Wave: Sep 18, 2005; HA! HA! NICE! WHAT A TOOL!

She's using a lot of words to describe how most single people eat. is that the joke?

# ? Jul 26, 2019 21:05

tarbrush: Feb 7, 2011; ALL ABOARD THE SCOTLAND HYPE TRAIN!

CHOO CHOO

Hey, I cook most nights.

# ? Jul 26, 2019 21:45

Hellsau: Jan 14, 2010; NEVER FUCKING TAKE A NIGHT OFF CLAN WARS.

I recommend Slim Jims to keep you ~~thin~~ relatively slim.

# ? Jul 26, 2019 21:54

therattle: Jul 24, 2007; Soiled Meat

That has to be an elaborate troll.

# ? Jul 26, 2019 21:56

Hellsau: Jan 14, 2010; NEVER FUCKING TAKE A NIGHT OFF CLAN WARS.

therattle posted:

That has to be an elaborate troll.

"Kate Mossman" does sound like the kind of fake name you would use for that kind of article.

# ? Jul 26, 2019 21:58

Cactus Ghost: Dec 20, 2003; you can actually inflate your scrote pretty safely with sterile saline, syringes, needles, and aseptic technique. its a niche kink iirc

the saline just slowly gets absorbed into your blood but in the meantime you got a big round smooth distended nutsack

"i pity the person who doesn't eat fast food and cold tinned peas all the time" what

# ? Jul 26, 2019 22:50

Submarine Sandpaper: May 27, 2007

She's British so I understand if their actual food experience tastes like the British restaurants in HK.

# ? Jul 27, 2019 01:20

dino.: Mar 28, 2010; Yip Yip, bitch.

therattle posted:

I hope you�ve learned a valuable lesson.

Man, I love that phrase.

Yes. Don�t use Morton kosher salt because it�s trash. Diamond Crystals for life.

# ? Jul 27, 2019 15:25

therattle: Jul 24, 2007; Soiled Meat

dino. posted:

Yes. Don�t use Morton kosher salt because it�s trash. Diamond Crystals for life.

Anti-Semite.

# ? Jul 27, 2019 15:52

Doom Rooster: Sep 3, 2008; Pillbug

dino. posted:

Yes. Don�t use Morton kosher salt because it�s trash. Diamond Crystals for life.

Can someone report to the mods that dino.'s account has been hijacked? dino. would never have a cooking opinion this wrong.

# ? Jul 27, 2019 17:43

bob dobbs is dead: Oct 8, 2017; I love peeps; Nap Ghost

therattle posted:

Anti-Semite.

Diamond is a different brand of kosher

# ? Jul 27, 2019 17:53

therattle: Jul 24, 2007; Soiled Meat

bob dobbs is dead posted:

Diamond is a different brand of kosher

Ruin my fun why dontcha.

# ? Jul 27, 2019 18:52

Croatoan: Jun 24, 2005; I am inevitable.
ROBBLE GROBBLE

bob dobbs is dead posted:

Diamond is a different brand of kosher

Woosh

# ? Jul 27, 2019 18:57

Flash Gordon Ramsay: Sep 28, 2004; Grimey Drawer

Morton�s kosher salt is just fine. It�s salt.

I�ve heard people say �well it�s too salty.� But it�s just salt. If it�s making your food too salty, use less of it, dumbass.

# ? Jul 27, 2019 20:33

SymmetryrtemmyS: Jul 13, 2013; I got super tired of seeing your avatar throwing those fuckin' glasses around in the astrology thread so I fixed it to a .jpg

diamond crystal is better than morton's and I will die on this hill

# ? Jul 27, 2019 20:48

Croatoan: Jun 24, 2005; I am inevitable.
ROBBLE GROBBLE

I use kroger brand because it's salt. Jesus goons, it's a loving mineral.

# ? Jul 27, 2019 21:03

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# ? May 23, 2024 19:40

BrianBoitano: Nov 15, 2006; this is fine

Salt is bad for you, read a health blog, Christ

# ? Jul 27, 2019 21:09

The Something Awful Forums > Discussion > Goons with Spoons > GWS General Chat: Damn I feel like a boss when I have one in each hand.

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