Star Citizen: Death of a Space Thread?

The Something Awful Forums > Archives > Comedy Goldmine > The Goodmine > Star Citizen: Death of a Space Thread?

Grubby Hobo: Feb 13, 2018; There's something else about bears not many people know. If a bear gets hooked on the taste of crowdfunding, it becomes a man-killer. He'll go on a rampage and has to be destroyed. And that's why you should never hug a bear.

Quavers posted:

My pick for "least likely to be ready on time":

Q3: Ship to Ship Docking

I mean, that's like a door on each side of the docking link, right? Good luck.

Most likely to be ready on time?

(all quarters): Performance Improvements

Just try to prove they didn't do any.

e: Taxxe

Grubby Hobo fucked around with this message at 23:45 on Jul 26, 2019

# ? Jul 26, 2019 23:43

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# ? May 22, 2024 14:23

Jobbo_Fett: Mar 7, 2014; Slava Ukrayini; Clapping Larry

Quavers posted:

I'm surprised she didn't pull up the neck of her shirt and naruto run away from the cops.

# ? Jul 26, 2019 23:50

Zazz Razzamatazz: Apr 19, 2016; by sebmojo

Sarsapariller posted:

https://imgur.com/a/vTCvfeJ

I love how, even with all their talk of "fidelity" and "realism" none of the artists seem to build anything as if it's on a real spaceship where the artificial gravity could malfunction...

# ? Jul 27, 2019 00:09

Dementropy: Aug 23, 2010

# ? Jul 27, 2019 00:19

zcrow: May 6, 2014; Ah.. yeah... um... tup tup tup tup tup.. this is something we'll add down the line

dead gay comedy video game simulator

# ? Jul 27, 2019 00:31

Potato Salad: Oct 23, 2014; nobody cares

Sarsapariller posted:

Subreddit pulse check: this week's subreddit is a Tale of Two Star Citizens.

Star Citizen One:
People who have actually touched the game. They are mostly pretty angry. It turns out everything is broken, even things that used to work. The comments section is usually half-and-half people agreeing with them, and people telling them to get hosed because it's alphaaaaaaaa forever.

Should Chris Roberts step down?
Mobiglass is bad and it should feel bad.
QT spooling is still broken after several years.
The Black Market sucks and doesn't actually reward criminal gameplay
None of the persistent poo poo works despite multiple "Roadmap" features that say it's implemented.
CIG can't even keep the roadmap up to date

Star Citizen Two:
The die hard fanatics. The starry eyed dreamers, the ones who either don't play the game or play it mostly to take extremely over-produced screenshots. Among this crowd, everything is going great! Except for all the whining. Gosh, what are all these people complaining about? Don't they know that every feature they hate is just Tier 0, and you aren't allowed to have opinions until the product is finished even though you paid for it years ago?

Patch +1 is definitely the Jesus Patch this time, you guys! (lol the QOL features mentioned are mostly art assets again)
Redditor is absolutely blown away that the menu is rendered in real 3D. Never been done before!
Holy poo poo the big spaceship that costs 900 dollars had a hangar screenshot leaked, everyone get in here! (The hangar doesn't work)

It was actually really hard to find much for SC2. Other than screenshot posts, there's very little positivity on the sub right now. It seems like the quarterly release cycle is really hurting Citizen confidence in the team. Almost like they can't quite suppress the memories and get hyped for the end-of-year patch like they've done in years past when the next big failure is just around the corner. Most of the sub is reduced to apologia at this point, tirelessly coming up for new excuses about why every aspect of the game has to suck right now, god it's like you've never watched a team fail at development before. It's completely normal to do it the wrong way four or five times in a row and then get it right- we're just guessing on that last part because it hasn't happened yet, but IT WILL! Very soon! You'll see!

It sounds like Tsar Shitizen is doing well.

# ? Jul 27, 2019 00:58

Potato Salad: Oct 23, 2014; nobody cares

Grubby Hobo posted:

Q3: Ship to Ship Docking

just leave the foreskins on

# ? Jul 27, 2019 00:59

Dogeh: Aug 30, 2017; ShitMeter: -------------|- 99%

Strangler 42 posted:

Both these clowns founded companies on pure hype, pulled in buttloads of cash, and then started work on developing products that were more or less impossible.

You're beginning to sound like Uncle Derek!
:p

# ? Jul 27, 2019 01:10

colonelwest: Jun 30, 2018

Dementropy posted:

Lando is such a little insecure oval office. He's like the poster child of failed Gen X nerds; a quivering ball of self-loathing wrapped in endless puerile nostalgia for the 70's and 80's and tedious faux-intellectualism. He only works inside the bizarre bubble of Star Citizen, because he's a reflection of the backer's own selves.

"NO, everyone must watch every second of my inane banter with devs as I try to pointlessly assert myself over them and make pathetic attempts at humor! How else will they understand game development!?"

It's good to show contempt for both your audience and the few poor souls still making videos about your game.

colonelwest fucked around with this message at 01:52 on Jul 27, 2019

# ? Jul 27, 2019 01:48

rePool: Apr 18, 2019; Undercover Goon.

So long and thanks for all the fish

TheLastRoboKy posted:

Hyper-defensive is probably the default mode for everyone working with CIG because in any given moment someone will blame you for what's hosed up and you need to be ready to lay that blame on someone or somewhere else. He could live in absolute terror of someone asking him why he can't abridge his stuff and save everyone some money because some dude can do a write-up of it all for free, and I wouldn't be shocked.

I do not doubt if the project failed, it is going to be 100% SA or Derek's fault. I'm sure I'll even get some direct responsibility thrown my direction for being a skeptic.

Quavers posted:

Nothing's happened, and Sq42 is still in Quarter 2

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IFvsCStxQx0

Latest video has been received well....

haha

I now understand what GrandfatherSexy (lol) was talking about in-game chat about watching paint dry. Makes sense now...

# ? Jul 27, 2019 02:23

Amazing Zimmo: Jan 27, 2006; That's quite a load you got in them diapers

https://twitter.com/banditloaf/status/1153119481000058880

cursed

# ? Jul 27, 2019 02:39

Amazing Zimmo: Jan 27, 2006; That's quite a load you got in them diapers

https://twitter.com/dsmart/status/1154535100333400065

Derek still screaming "called it" into the void.

# ? Jul 27, 2019 02:48

Tokamak: Dec 22, 2004

Grubby Hobo posted:

My pick for "least likely to be ready on time":

Q3: Ship to Ship Docking

I mean, that's like a door on each side of the docking link, right? Good luck.

A solid indicator a feature isn't in the next patch is if it hasn't made an an appearance or been discussed on ATV (or whatever they are calling it now). CIG has pretty much stopped talking about anything further than a patch or two away.

# ? Jul 27, 2019 03:02

TheDeadlyShoe: Feb 14, 2014

Sarsapariller posted:

Subreddit pulse check: this week's subreddit is a Tale of Two Star Citizens.

Star Citizen One:
People who have actually touched the game. They are mostly pretty angry. It turns out everything is broken, even things that used to work. The comments section is usually half-and-half people agreeing with them, and people telling them to get hosed because it's alphaaaaaaaa forever.

Should Chris Roberts step down?

this thread is kind of amazin, they just refuse to hold roberts accountable in any way. Just because he's spent $200 million doesnt mean he should have anything to show for it.

The other thing that i thought was interesting is that the OP was only running about -10 or -15. I think the fanatic defender brigade is getting thin on the ground. Probably many of them have just disengaged from the community, but sitll.

# ? Jul 27, 2019 03:11

Dementropy: Aug 23, 2010

# ? Jul 27, 2019 04:07

I said come in!: Jun 22, 2004

Quavers posted:

I had to look this up because I had never heard of it before. She was only 19 at the time lmao. She is on trial for wire fraud and it begins on July 28, she faces 20 years in prison.

# ? Jul 27, 2019 04:21

Mirificus: Oct 29, 2004; Kings need not raise their voices to be heard

# ? Jul 27, 2019 04:23

I said come in!: Jun 22, 2004

Amazing Zimmo posted:

https://twitter.com/dsmart/status/1154535100333400065

Derek still screaming "called it" into the void.

Mechwarrior is one of the most cursed video game franchises in history. Very glad I did not pre-order. This game is developed by the same chucklefucks that are running Mechwarrior Online, a horrible pay to win competitive Mechwarrior game that sucks rear end.

# ? Jul 27, 2019 04:25

Taintrunner: Apr 10, 2017; by Jeffrey of YOSPOS

ewe2 posted:

I had to laugh at the ad at the end. Narcissists are bad! Also, we can train you to look cool and confident! We're not weird or anything but we need money!

The other video I've seen from that channel is uh, apparently an explainer of how noted right wing rear end puppet of a billionaire Ben Shapiro "traps his enemies" in a debate. lmao

# ? Jul 27, 2019 04:37

Mirificus: Oct 29, 2004; Kings need not raise their voices to be heard

# ? Jul 27, 2019 05:13

Jobbo_Fett: Mar 7, 2014; Slava Ukrayini; Clapping Larry

Mark Twain actually meant that quote to be ironic, and later implied that only truly stupid people would quote it, as they need the reminder.

# ? Jul 27, 2019 05:24

BumbleOne: Jul 1, 2018; by Fluffdaddy

Dementropy posted:

...the Dan Gheesling Experience...

i remember all this very well. this feels like ages in the past. my live changed drasrically since then. boy oh boy what a flashback. chris's answer also is remarkable. he is defending this job decision while, on a sidenote, says that star citizen is a shure thing. i must admid that at this time i also thought so. i was a starcitizen fan and also told colleagues to check it out. i cant remember when my opinion turned around though.

rePool posted:

I do not doubt if the project failed, it is going to be 100% SA or Derek's fault. I'm sure I'll even get some direct responsibility thrown my direction for being a skeptic.

of course it is your fault. you betrayed chris and the best community of all times. you destroyed star citizen.

BumbleOne fucked around with this message at 05:43 on Jul 27, 2019

# ? Jul 27, 2019 05:26

Bofast: Feb 21, 2011; Grimey Drawer

his nibs posted:

I don't know about you guys but I'm incandescent with rage and hatred for Star Citizen every morning for at least 2 hours before work, and then again at lunchtime after sticking pins in my Chrisbear effigy. To be fair I'm only just holding it together now as I type this message and I might erupt with anger at any second now.. arghhh

Are we gonna have to send you to the :pgabz:

anger management course?

# ? Jul 27, 2019 05:44

MedicineHut: Feb 25, 2016

Dementropy posted:

"... long before we were the sure thing we are now"

# ? Jul 27, 2019 05:58

Thoatse: Feb 29, 2016; Lol said the scorpion, lmao

Amazing Zimmo posted:

https://twitter.com/dsmart/status/1154535100333400065

Derek still screaming "called it" into the void.

jfc

snatching failure from the jaws of success since ~~2012~~ jarhead games just lmao

# ? Jul 27, 2019 06:00

Mirificus: Oct 29, 2004; Kings need not raise their voices to be heard

# ? Jul 27, 2019 06:06

Rotten Red Rod: Mar 5, 2002

Amazing Zimmo posted:

https://twitter.com/dsmart/status/1154535100333400065

Derek still screaming "called it" into the void.

I thought about replying to that tweet calling him out as a self-important douchebag, but really, the 3 likes and horde of crickets speaks for itself just fine.

# ? Jul 27, 2019 06:28

Kosumo: Apr 9, 2016

Rotten Red Rod posted:

I thought about replying to that tweet calling him out as a self-important douchebag, but really, the 3 likes and horde of crickets speaks for itself just fine.

No, the winning move is to ALWAYS respond to Derek.*

* See Chris Roberts response to the escapist artical.

# ? Jul 27, 2019 06:50

Sarsapariller: Aug 14, 2015; Occasional vampire queen

Mirificus posted:

Daniel Dale style fact-check

*Originally billed as a command and control ship
Fact check says: Not really. It was hyped and sold as a luxury ship. The "C&C" aspects, when mentioned at all, were a fig leaf to allow idiots to pretend that they weren't throwing 900 dollars at a space yacht. They were never elaborated on as actual game mechanics.

*Bigger ships have greater scanning range and can pass that on to smaller ships
Fact check says: No ship has scanning range of more than 10km and no ship can pass information to other ships. Claims about bigger ships have probably been made. But none of this exists.

*The Carrack is supposed to have C&C abilities as well as the Idris and Javelin
Fact check says: Yes, see point one. Every one of the unreasonably expensive super ships has "C&C" tacked on. None of this exists.

*Larger cap ships have hangar functions
Fact check says: It is undeniable that they have sold these ships with these functions. The ships, and functions, do not exist.

*The Endeavor will be able to spawn ships and its main crew section will detach as an air to ground ship
Fact check says: This is a stretch even for the ship that was sold with a particle collider module as a separate purchase. None of this stuff is being worked on.

*There will be casualty management and medical gameplay in Squadron 42
Fact check says: To my knowledge this has never even been promised. It has certainly never been demo'd. Medical gameplay remains, after 7 years, cryengine standard.

*These things not being on the roadmap does not mean that CIG are not working on them. They often work on things in secret.
Fact check says: To date the only things that CIG has announced by surprise are new sales. As they cannot sell medical gameplay directly, and are pretty desperate to show anything right now, it is unlikely they are working on it. On the other hand, CIG does not seem to know how to talk about gameplay mechanics- see recent updates with things like the Law system. Mostly they just say the words "Law system" a lot, and forget to mention what it actually does.

*Capital ships have multi-crew accomodations with hygiene facilities
Fact check says: Most people would call these "Bathrooms." It is true- the ships do indeed have them. They don't do anything. Multi-crew gameplay doesn't exist.

*The bathrooms will become relevant later
Fact check says: There has never been a single mention of innovative bathroom based gameplay, despite many Citizen fantasies to the contrary.

*Players will be able to take out loans from the space bank for ships
Fact check says: Purest fantasy

*Players will be able to gamble for ships
Fact check says: True. Buying a ship right now is a huge gamble.

# ? Jul 27, 2019 06:50

trucutru: Jul 9, 2003; by Fluffdaddy

Amazing Zimmo posted:

https://twitter.com/dsmart/status/1154535100333400065

Derek still screaming "called it" into the void.

Oh yeah? well, can you show me a tweet of your with more than 3 likes? Not really? Owned (and blocked!) you clown.

# ? Jul 27, 2019 07:13

trucutru: Jul 9, 2003; by Fluffdaddy

Tokamak posted:

A solid indicator a feature isn't in the next patch is

that we're talking about Star Citizen

# ? Jul 27, 2019 07:14

Zaphod42: Sep 13, 2012; If there's anything more important than my ego around, I want it caught and shot now.

Zazz Razzamatazz posted:

I love how, even with all their talk of "fidelity" and "realism" none of the artists seem to build anything as if it's on a real spaceship where the artificial gravity could malfunction...

Its so noticable on things like the good old Star Wars or Alien where all the hallways are padded and everything can be put away into form-fitting drawers and stuff. They clearly put thought into living in space (which CIG hasn't)

# ? Jul 27, 2019 07:25

Pilz: Jul 25, 2016; Grimey Drawer

I said come in! posted:

Mechwarrior is one of the most cursed video game franchises in history. Very glad I did not pre-order. This game is developed by the same chucklefucks that are running Mechwarrior Online, a horrible pay to win competitive Mechwarrior game that sucks rear end.

The battletech tabletop franchise is held by the same people who hold shadowrun, if I'm not mistaken. They're mormons, and the head of the company was caught embezzling a rather large amount of money. The company never got the money back, he kept his job, and Shadowrun 5e is a bit of a mess as a result.

# ? Jul 27, 2019 07:40

Theotus: Nov 8, 2014

Tuned into the highest viewer count star citizen streamer and watched as they larped an "op" where an opposing "team" of players could have killed every one of the protagonists using one magazine if they had been told the safeword to do anything by

The Streamer.

He then proceed to run across an open plain toward the "objective" while yelling at team mates about going the wrong way. He then died of a heart attack. Because that is a thing. The streamer then rage quit the stream because this was the second time he died of a heart attack. This stream. Game is shaping up boys.

# ? Jul 27, 2019 10:31

Iceclaw: Nov 4, 2009; Fa la lanky down dilly, motherfuckers.

Was that Rexzilla or are other streamers trying to ape his style?

# ? Jul 27, 2019 11:36

Rugganovich: Apr 29, 2017

Kosumo posted:

Holy gently caress. I just had a thought. I'm just gonna put it out there and you guys let me know what you think.

"I don't think Chris Roberts knows what he is doing"

There, I've said it. So help me God.

I stopped reading after "So help me God"
It's a loving Alpha FFS.

# ? Jul 27, 2019 11:51

reverend crabhands: Feb 3, 2016

Amazing Zimmo posted:

https://twitter.com/dsmart/status/1154535100333400065

Derek still screaming "called it" into the void.

I'm not bothered about the Epic stuff, I already have a bunch of games bought there, but the difference with MW5 is they did say Steam/GOG/Humble on the Kickstarter so I can sympathise here with MW5 backers.

# ? Jul 27, 2019 12:04

Dwesa: Jul 19, 2016

Meridian posted:

He then died of a heart attack. Because that is a thing. The streamer then rage quit the stream because this was the second time he died of a heart attack. This stream. Game is shaping up boys.

Did they model player's physiological functions after Lesnick's?

# ? Jul 27, 2019 12:45