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I'm still laughing at the term "honk goblin." Nugget even tho you look like a vampire bat you are NOT nocturnal and any more waking me in the middle of the night will result in immediate defenestration. 
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Jun 2, 2019 00:10
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| # ? May 17, 2024 19:18 |
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This rear end in a top hat had his third birthday today. As is tradition, he gets a special dinner of a medium rare grass-fed steak and mashed sweet potato. Three seconds transpired between putting his bowl on the floor and me attempting to get a picture of him enjoying his meal. You’ll notice the lack of steak in the photo. 
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Jun 5, 2019 02:13
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 Dell you stupid rear end in a top hat I only got 4 hours of sleep because you had a nightmare!? Wake me up from a dead sleep because I thought you were hurt and you’re just getting chased by a big kitty in a dweeeeem? You fluffy fuckin’ baby I’m gonna shave you so it says “I never let my daddy sleep past 7 AM” in your poofy pants!
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Jun 5, 2019 14:18
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Soaring Kestrel posted:
My cat does this, so I wrap her up in the fitted sheet and finish the bed while she tries to find her way out.
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Jun 10, 2019 19:57
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Tater, we need to talk. You are a lover not a fighter. Trotting across the street last night barking at people who were just standing on the corner talking is not okay. I know it was dark, but they were not a danger. I promise. A car would have been though. Thanks for scaring me jerk. Also, stop licking my legs as soon as I get out of the shower. I was trying to get clean dammit.
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Jun 12, 2019 17:47
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Edit: app barfed on me
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Jun 12, 2019 18:59
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Tater Love 
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Tater is an adorable leg licking rear end in a top hat 
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Jun 13, 2019 00:40
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 Link, I know your mom told me you were a "special kitty" five years ago. I thought she meant that like how everyone says their cat is the most special cat ever. I didn't expect to find out you were actually inbred and had kitty downs syndrome. That's fine though, you have no interest in leaving the house and your macroglossia is super cute even though you don't really have any front teeth anymore! What's not cute is your inability to understand that moving the litter box five feet doesn't mean it became invisible and you might as well poop on the floor like a goblin. I don't want the box next to my desk because of the poop that's in it, that doesn't mean just leave the poop next to my desk without the box.  Maple, you're enormously cute and frankly the smartest cat I've ever owned. All that means though is I know you understand when a door is closed you're not allowed in. Why do you insist on screaming at the door every time my brother-in-law leaves for work for the week? We know he leaves. We don't care that he leaves. I don't need you to tell me just because he isn't just watching twitch streams all day anymore. Also, I must insist that you stop screaming every time I approach the shelf where we keep your wet food because we also have regular people food there as well and I also deserve to eat. You have dry food. Eat your dry food.  Slushie, you've been on this earth for 19 years and I've had you for fifteen of them. You're deaf, dumb, and mostly blind. You better stop that poo poo and stick around for 19 more you dumbass.
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Jun 13, 2019 15:01
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Phoebe you are 12 and you can somehow squeeze through 3" gaps in a gate and ascend obstacles we designed specifically for cats. Please start showing your age and calm down because I'm really sick of fighting with my roommate about how to keep you out of the cat dishes and litterboxes. It's not her fault her eldest cat has no knee joints and can't jump/squeeze like a cat should, if you don't start behaving I'm going to literally have to crate you 24/7 
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Jun 13, 2019 15:47
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Charlie, you crotchety gently caress. Other dogs are allowed to exist in this house. They also deserve to get a little lap time. Your growling at Jeffrey every time he gets within 10 feet of us is not fooling anyone. You're a loving pussy who's all bark and no bite. Euthanizing you would bring us more harmony. You're on thin loving ice, bud.
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Jun 14, 2019 16:01
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Murphy you retarded, deaf mutt. You were found on the side of the road after being on your own for weeks. The least you could do is act grateful that you have a comfortable home and get taken on walks. Instead, you wake up the whole neighborhood by screaming like a banshee because you are too stupid to understand that yelling is not an appropriate response to happiness. Check yourself before we cut your vocal cords and make you deaf AND mute. Linked for sound!!!
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Jun 14, 2019 16:31
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BlackStar posted:Murphy you retarded, deaf mutt. You were found on the side of the road after being on your own for weeks. The least you could do is act grateful that you have a comfortable home and get taken on walks. Instead, you wake up the whole neighborhood by screaming like a banshee because you are too stupid to understand that yelling is not an appropriate response to happiness. Check yourself before we cut your vocal cords and make you deaf AND mute. Every animal I've been around that lost its hearing would go around being loud as gently caress basically all the time. "So I got to work anMEOWoss said I needed to taMEOOOOWbut I didn't know I neeMEOW oh my god, cat, I'm going to drown you."
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Jun 14, 2019 23:14
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MistressMeeps posted:Also, stop licking my legs as soon as I get out of the shower. I was trying to get clean dammit. Just the other day a friend of mine was complaining that her Doberman would push the door open while she was showering and lick the water off the back of her leg. That's like, serial killer territory.
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Jun 15, 2019 04:23
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Those are my shoes, Bear Give them back; you are a cat They don’t even fit  Seriously, you have a serious shoe fetish for anybody that comes by. Last weekend, we caught a four-legged upside-down boot that kept kicking the table because you somehow forgot that leather is opaque. Yes, I’m kinkshaming. teh winnar! fucked around with this message at 19:26 on Jun 15, 2019 |
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Jun 15, 2019 19:23
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teh winnar! posted:Those are my shoes, Bear One of my roommates cats will plunk her head right inside my shoe and go to sleep.
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Jun 15, 2019 19:32
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teh winnar! posted:Those are my shoes, Bear Our calico will possessively loaf on my shoes -- think your picture, but with a big fat fluffy cat who covers most of the shoe she sits on. I have no idea why. I guess it's because they're Human Things and she's clingy as hell?
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Jun 15, 2019 23:14
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 Sumi u bitch  Mika also u bitch
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Jun 15, 2019 23:24
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Susan, you fuzzy idiot. Stop lying spread eagle on the floor at night. I already get scared when you attack my feet, but as you gravitate towards the middle of the hallway I'm now even more worried that I'll step on you when I go to the bathroom. Your brother just yells at the other cats in from the porch at night, go be with him!! Pictured, Susan doing what she does at night. 
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Jun 18, 2019 18:48
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eh just step on em unless you are giant person they learn.
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Jun 18, 2019 18:52
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Seriously every time I accidentally step on my kitty or bonk him with my feet at night, he hisses and I exasperatedly yell "YOU HAVE NIGHTVISION this AIN'T on ME!"
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Jun 18, 2019 18:58
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Susan  
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Jun 19, 2019 04:27
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Phoebe. Elizabeth. I love you, you know I do, but you are trouble.  We have gated the door, we have made the hole even smaller than this.  We do not have a choice. My roommate's eldest cat has no strength in his back legs. We cannot move his food dish or litter box any higher, and you happen to be so drat small and precious that you're smaller than him how the gently caress?  We have since rigged up a sophisticated ramp system. We bought an electric shock collar and mounted the barrier on the wall. It beeps when it goes off. We tested it on ourselves. We know it is shocking you. SO HOW THE gently caress ARE YOU STILL GETTING INTO THE loving CAT ROOM!?  Ugh. I can't stay mad at you for long, but Phoebe... this is getting to be so bad. You need to behave. I don't want to have endless fights with my roommate about this, and I am not going to make you spend your twilight years locked up in a crate most of the day.  You're drat lucky you're cute.
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Jun 19, 2019 04:40
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Just LoL if you think electric shocks will stop a dog’s innate drive to consume all the candy-coated kitty cat crunchies.
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Jun 19, 2019 13:05
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Aleta, Mommy's hair is not a toy! Also, one of these days you're going to realize that beating the poo poo out of your own tail is painful. Why haven't you made this connection yet?? Also, just because Daddy is teaching you to fetch doesn't mean you are a dog; maybe stop chasing your tail and have some dignity. Here is a picture of her as a stripper:  Luna, Stop being a dick to the baby. She is not even four months old. She doesn't know about your tragic past; quit hissing at her. Oh, and please stop hiding so I can take pictures of you!
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Jun 19, 2019 13:21
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Chester, You cannot attempt to roll in the grass when using your wheels.  This is from April but he tried doing this again as recently as yesterday.
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Jul 15, 2019 19:36
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DrBouvenstein posted:Chester, But all that dirt and grass feels so good on a long back!! (Multiple disk disease?)
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Jul 15, 2019 21:11
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DrBouvenstein posted:Chester, he looks so ashamed
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Jul 16, 2019 00:36
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Tater maybe if you let us trim your claws more often you wouldn't get stuck in the hall rug overnight, panic, and wake us up.
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Jul 16, 2019 13:43
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DrBouvenstein posted:Chester, You go Chester!! You got this bubbie <3!!
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Jul 26, 2019 01:29
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Phoebe, you spoiled little rear end in a top hat. Just eat your gooddamn food! We buy you the most expensive wet cat food, with only the best ingredients, that is supposed to be really really healthy for cats. Normal cats LOVE wet food, why can't you be like normal cats?!  If I find another bowl untouched, because her highness for some reason prefers the dry food, I swear to god .......
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Jul 28, 2019 19:58
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Aphra I love you to bits but that is not your chair you floofy little goober I can't even be mad at you
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Jul 29, 2019 07:26
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Bertrand Hustle posted:Aphra I love you to bits but that is not your chair
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Jul 30, 2019 08:31
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It's hers now. First rule of cat: is mine. Second rule: is not yours.
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Jul 31, 2019 02:21
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 Immediately after I took this Sumi went to harass Mika in her cave. You stupid fucks! Behave!
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Jul 31, 2019 07:03
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 This cute fuckers' name is Willy. He likes to show off his nasty rear end in a top hat  I love him dearly 
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Aug 2, 2019 18:56
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Beric, I love you but WHY do you have to eat you food by scooping it out one piece at a time and munching it off the floor. You are the soul reason I have to clean the floor as often as I do....
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Aug 2, 2019 20:39
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 You, Xander. You are goddamn lucky you are cute, especially when it's 5am and you've awakened me every hour, on the hour, since 1am by howling directly into my ear. I checked the cat boxes, they're clean. I checked the water dishes, they're topped off. I checked your food, and you still haven't eaten all of last night's meal. You have nothing to complain about. Shut the gently caress up.
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Aug 3, 2019 22:50
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 Terra. You went through a moult a few months ago why are you moulting AGAIN? I'm still finding the feathers from last time and now theres even more! I could make a drat pillow out of the amount of feathers in the bottom of your cage alone, stop it!! You're lucky you're so cute
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Aug 4, 2019 02:00
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 Jack. Cat needs a safe space where she can eat and poop and do cat things without your big dumb epileptic nose wedged up her sphincter. That is why we put a gate across the laundry room door. It is not meant as a challenge to be overcome. Cat’s food is not your reward for forcing your way through cat-sized holes. It took 10 minutes to remove the gate from your lily white self. Please don’t do this again.
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Aug 4, 2019 05:49
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| # ? May 17, 2024 19:18 |
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   Shakti you little rear end in a top hat, my mom JUST bought these. Or rather, she had just bought these three months ago when I took the photos.
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Aug 5, 2019 23:07
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