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Calling it now: Joachim's ultimate weapon will be Keith's coffin. Every hit will have a small voice line of Keith complaining about it.
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Aug 29, 2019 15:48
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BisbyWorl posted:Calling it now: Joachim's ultimate weapon will be Keith's coffin. I can actually picture that, and it makes me smile!
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Aug 29, 2019 18:07
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BisbyWorl posted:Calling it now: Joachim's ultimate weapon will be Keith's coffin. Oh come on. That is nowhere NEAR as Absurd as Joachim's Weapons can get.
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Aug 29, 2019 18:19
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OminousEdge posted:Oh come on. That is nowhere NEAR as Absurd as Joachim's Weapons can get. FTNW gets even weirder than Joachim, by several orders of magnitude, I really hope TDI LPs that someday!
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Aug 29, 2019 18:30
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stryth posted:FTNW gets even weirder than Joachim, by several orders of magnitude, I really hope TDI LPs that someday! FTNW is a weird game that loses most of the grounding even this game has. EDIT: \/ I never said it was BAD. I love FTNW. It just goes a lot more insane than even this game does. Mokinokaro fucked around with this message at 22:48 on Aug 29, 2019 |
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Aug 29, 2019 20:17
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FTNW is a good game that's still Shadow Hearts, it just goes full bore into the wacky supernatural alt-history shenanigans and because of that the cast is rather flat. Still entertaining though and the combat is the most polished of the series, the expansion of the combo system being a highlight.
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Aug 29, 2019 22:39
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stryth posted:FTNW gets even weirder than Joachim, by several orders of magnitude, I really hope TDI LPs that someday! True, but I still think most of them pale in comparison to Joachim's penultimate and Ultimate Weapons
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Aug 30, 2019 16:01
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Oxxidation posted:if that diet is accurate then he could probably eat them both at the same time
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Aug 30, 2019 20:55
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Joachim's ultimate weapon is a giant version of the platform you're playing it on, right down to scratches, stickers, and such, obviously.
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Aug 30, 2019 21:04
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Joachim picks himself up and swings his entire body at the enemy
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Aug 30, 2019 21:42
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I'm going with Roger builds some sort of shrink ray and Joachim's final weapon is the Eiffel Tower
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Aug 31, 2019 01:26
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Joachim's final weapon will be an entire other monster.
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Aug 31, 2019 02:12
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YggiDee posted:Joachim's final weapon will be an entire other monster. Joachim creates a time machine to go back to SH1 and gets the final boss as his ultimate weapon.
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Aug 31, 2019 04:14
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Joachim picks up a transformed Yuri and uses him as a weapon, with varying elemental affinity based on the transformation.
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Aug 31, 2019 04:50
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Joachim picks up Yuri, who picks up Karin, who picks up Blanca. A daisy chain of smackdown.
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Aug 31, 2019 05:57
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DukeofCA posted:Joachim picks up Yuri, who picks up Karin, who picks up Blanca. A daisy chain of smackdown.
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Aug 31, 2019 06:25
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Joachim's final weapon is Joachim, he picks himself up and just wails on the enemy with his own body.
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Aug 31, 2019 06:50
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Already did that one. Joachim picks up a dead horse...
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Aug 31, 2019 07:19
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Hwurmp posted:Joachim picks himself up and swings his entire body at the enemy That's called drop kicking
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Aug 31, 2019 08:36
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That's just jumping. Real power lets you hoist yourself into the air like the Lorax.
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Aug 31, 2019 10:24
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I just hope he gets a fish. All video game characters who use bludgeons are required to use a comically oversized fish. Preferably a swordfish.
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Aug 31, 2019 15:00
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Schwartzcough posted:Already did that one. Aw man.... Joachim hits this thread with my poor reading skills.
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Aug 31, 2019 15:56
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DukeofCA posted:Joachim picks up Yuri, who picks up Karin, who picks up Blanca. A daisy chain of smackdown. I love Disgaea 5!
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Aug 31, 2019 17:25
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A Matryoshka doll, full of other dolls, as the prize for beating Gama and his cigar-store Indian.
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Aug 31, 2019 18:57
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His final weapon is a spaceship that tiny aliens used to land on earth, only to get stepped on up by the party and die unfortunately.
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Aug 31, 2019 21:56
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If someone actually guesses something right, then you have to tell us after the next update, but you can't say which one it was.
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Sep 1, 2019 01:57
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No, you see, you have all guessed right. ALL OF YOU. Shadow Hearts. 
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Sep 1, 2019 06:08
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A jeez, now I want to snarkily reference a certain other odd weapon user from the last Shadow Hearts title, but I'm pretty sure that would be spoiling things; heck, I'm already skating on thin ice as I am.
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Sep 1, 2019 15:40
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BisbyWorl posted:Joachim creates a time machine to go back to SH1 and gets the final boss as his ultimate weapon. Joachim's time machine takes him all the way back to Koudelka, and he gets the Gargoyle.
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Sep 2, 2019 10:20
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RelentlessImp posted:Joachim's time machine takes him all the way back to Koudelka, and he gets the Gargoyle. The reason Edward never showed up in SH1 is because Joachim got mixed up and grabbed him instead.
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Sep 2, 2019 10:31
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BisbyWorl posted:The reason Edward never showed up in SH1 is because Joachim got mixed up and grabbed him instead. Joachim: Oh...well this is awkward. Edward: Oh God! Where am I?! I have to get back to my wife; she's expected to give birth to our child anytime now! Joachim: ...really awkward. One awkward explanation later... Edward: So you're telling me, you're a pro wrestling vampire, that was trying to teleport the gargoyle using an invention of the mad monk, got me instead, and hoisted me away from my wife to the U.S.A.? Joachim: Indeed, my most humble apology-- Edward: Hell yes! Joachim: Eh? Edward: You just saved me money on ship fare! Now to pursue my dream of becoming a novelist, and send the money back to my wife to support her! Of course, when your wife is a former gypsy/rpg protagonist, it gets a bit hard to nail down their location, so she missed the money completely. gently caress.
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Sep 2, 2019 14:10
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Gilgamesh255 posted:Joachim: Oh...well this is awkward. ...That makes more sense than it has any right to in this series.
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Sep 2, 2019 18:19
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Malah posted:If someone actually guesses something right, then you have to tell us after the next update, but you can't say which one it was. I second this, and since I've actually played this game several times, I actually know how many of the weapon guesses are correct. Sadly none of them ever reach the disgea moon tower uppercut level of breaking reality. *sigh*
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Sep 3, 2019 06:58
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The true plot twist y'all are neglecting to mention is that Kato's makeover is courtesy of being POWER'd by Grahf. No other way he can get both a growth spurt and sweet new JRPG duds for a sequel. It's not like he's a Nomura character. And given what we've seen of both Yuri's crew and Sapientes Gladio, I just realized now how much Nomura would probably get along very well with the character artist for this game.
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Sep 3, 2019 16:53
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Oh, I didn't notice this was back. The game really does keep ramping up the absurdity. When did Kato turn in to Bruce Campbell? As for Joachim's weapons... well a barber pole seems too obvious (albeit likely) so I'm going to go with an outhouse (privy, dunny, portapotty, insert regional variant). Zushio fucked around with this message at 18:20 on Sep 3, 2019 |
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Sep 3, 2019 17:27
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After all that grinding, Yuri and co finally reach the embodiment of human suffering or whatever Kingdom Hearts was about. Some overdesigned, building sized technicolor nightmare. Anyway, they do the punch good, and the boss melts, or explodes, as is customary for JRPG bosses. They're walking out when Jo spots the deceased boss' skull and spinal cord. Looks like the final boss is gonna be sticking around for the post-game.
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Sep 3, 2019 18:41
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Zushio posted:As for Joachim's weapons... well a barber pole seems too obvious (albeit likely) so I'm going to go with an outhouse (privy, dunny, portapotty, insert regional variant). Every now and then it sloshes and screams because someone is still inside it and Joachim won't let them out. It'd reduce the weapon's mass.
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Sep 4, 2019 02:56
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Also a fun weapon would be a cannon. Like The Judge in Blood Meridian using the howitzer as a side arm only more badass.
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Sep 4, 2019 04:28
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You guys are going too far into the awesome, not far enough into the ridiculous and meta. Obviously, Joachim's ultimate weapon will be a roulette table, from when the party inevitably visits Monte Carlo. Unfortunately, it's broken and missing it's roulette wheel. So, he slaps the Judgement Ring in there, and it starts complaining whenever Joachim attacks, because as you may recall, the Judgement Ring is actually alive. A side effect is whenever you properly time your hits on the Judgement Ring, you get money. Whenever you miss, you lose money. This makes Joachim great for late game grinding.
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Sep 4, 2019 05:00
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 Episode XXIV: Down and Brown  Music: Old Smudged Map ~ Europe .jpg) This isn't the most accurate or to scale map of the UK one could ask for honestly. But, Rhondda Valley (actually two valleys) is a real former hotspot of mining activity in the early 1900s in South Wales. Given the number of deaths and relative timeframe, Rhondda Mine is based on the Wattstown mine of the Ynyshir district of Wales. In 1905 the mine suffered an explosion that killed 121 men (three were pulled out and only one lived from their injuries.) The region had a LOT of double-digit fatality mining disasters but that's the closest in timeframe and number. So that's likely the ticket. Which means Yuri and the gang walked roughly 148 miles from Southampton assuming they stayed on main roads to get there. Look, if you're going to set your game in the real world, I'm going to do the math on distance traveled and how hosed it is! Music: In Darkness of a Labyrinth ~ Dungeon .jpg) Anyway, welcome to one of the shittier dungeons in the game. Hey, you remember the metro tunnels in Paris? What if they had even less going on and lasted a solid 90+ minutes knowing exactly where to go and what to do? .jpg) Well... .jpg) ...guess what... .jpg) ...motherfucker! .jpg) This dungeon is a miserable brown slog that lasts a feature-length movie in run time. Here's a lottery ticket in one random corner three screens from the entrance. It took me like five minutes to get to this. And you know why? Of course, you do... .jpg) Music: Vicious 1915 ~ Battle in Europe Random battles! I think I fought more battles in this dungeon than the last three combined. I'd say at least I dig most of the enemy designs since it's getting back to the core Shadow Hearts 1/Koudelka weird poo poo. On the other hand, there's just like four different monsters and I fought every combination of them at least eight times. This was a dang 98-minute dungeon. I can look back on the footage recorded and despair! .jpg) There are a few new enemies to contend with here. The weakest of 'em is this hell dog -- Barghest. A 55 HP Dark elemental enemy. All it does is bite people for around 40 HP of damage or do Gale Spin as an AOE attack for roughly the same damage output but it can hit multiple people.  A Barghest is a mythological creature from Northern English folklore. Boiling it down... it's just a ghost dog that is really mean. It's usually depicted as jet black or ethereally glowing. Usually not quite so... reptilian. Fantasy bullshit loves this as a generic monster type. Personally, I always think of The Witcher 1 and having to fight 800 glowing green ghost dog jerks any time Geralt went out at night in the first act of the game. .jpg) RPGs have to have some sort of slime or sludge-like monstrosity. It's just the way of the world. This particular example is a Propolis. It is a 63 HP Water elemental enemy that only exists to spam Hail Break endlessly. They usually come in pairs.  As far as the entomology goes, apparently propolis is "a red or brown resinous substance collected by honeybees from tree buds, used by them to fill crevices and to seal and varnish honeycombs." So basically bee glue made from tree sap. I guess I can see that working for a weird sludge slug thing. Not sure where summoning ice spikes fit into that. But, there you have it. .jpg) Undoubtedly, the most "nope not a fan of anything that is happening here" creature thus far is this... whole thing... If you're having trouble parsing what you're looking at, it's a pair of human torsos connected in the middle with the inverted ones having a giant scorpion stinger coming out of its anus. It's hard to see in a screenshot but its top legs are also splitting open to reveal a toothy mouth like some poo poo out of The Thing. This nightmare creature is known as a Tammuz and comes with 60 HP and a Light elemental affinity. This one spends its days either stinging folks with its anal appendage (which has a Poison causing variant) or casting Bright Light (the Light magic AOE variant the other enemies have been using.) Tammuz is another name for Dumuzid -- a Mesopotamian god of shepherds and fertility. Wikipedia on Tammuz/Dumuzid posted:
Sure, yeah. I see how that can translate into a torso with a scorpion stinger coming out of its rear end. .jpg) Finally, we have this big'un umm... nightmare centipede... dragon... thing? I'm not sure how you'd classify it. It goes by the name Lambton Worm which doesn't help at all identifying a descriptor. It's got a lot of spikes, teeth and likes to hang out with guys who end up in the Emergency Room because they shoved a scorpion up their rear end on a dare. Lambton Worm is the beefiest enemy in this dungeon with an impressive for a trash mob enemy 208 HP and an Earth elemental affinity. Having four appendages that just have spikes for fingers, our friend Lamb here just sticks solely to physical attacks that deals out a healthy 60-70 HP of damage with a potential to cause Paralysis. These jerks are usually the priority in any battle. The Lambton Worm comes from a Northern English myth. Wikipedia on Lambton Worm posted:
Worm/wyrm seems like it's the catch-all term for a storyteller that is just kind of lazy with descriptors and is just "Ehh it was some vague snakey... lizard thing. Did it have legs? Maybe. I dunno. Look it was a big scaly monster." In which case, I suppose the Lambton Worm's Covenant appearance checks out. .jpg) .jpg) In addition to the trash mobs infesting the Rhondda Mines, we did gain quite a few new abilities over the course of the previous chapter. Yuri has several Level 2 Fusions now. They're much more impressive than his previous cosplayer incarnations. The only thing of real note with the Level 2 Fusions is that once transformed, Yuri will automatically initiate a Combo with any members of his team getting a turn before the next enemy attack phase. So if Yuri happens to gain early intuitive, trash mobs of enemies can be wiped out before they even get a chance to attack. Which is nice since, again, this dungeon had an overabundance of random battles, to say the least. .jpg) .jpg) Karin now has her Bullenfogel Sword Art. It's just a big stream of fire sent outward in one direction. But it works quite nicely in Combos and deals a decent chunk of damage in the 60-70 HP range at this point. .jpg) .jpg) And of course, Joachim can now also Grand Slam enemies into space. Quite impressive, considering we're deep underground. If it doesn't instant kill an enemy (it's not a guaranteed thing) then it at least does 100+ HP of damage. .jpg) Finally, as you'll recall Blanca's Soul Comet leveled up from that last Wolf Bout with canine Terry Bogard (congrats on getting into Smash!) This now makes Soul Comet have TWO wolf spirits lash out at a target for bonus damage. Music: In Darkness of a Labyrinth ~ Dungeon .jpg) That's ALMOST there is as far as battles go. I suppose, Gepetto also has those new elemental variants of his Cast skill. But it's literally the exact same animation with a different color swap and I'm switching to Gepetto for something as trifling as that. Now... speaking of trifling, back to traversing a very brown tileset. This first level of the mine (sadly there are multiple floors to the dungeon) took 20 minutes alone (this is with the aide of a map someone made on GameFAQs to know exactly where to go for all the loot) only has exactly one piece of noteworthy treasure to the eastern part of the region. .jpg) .jpg) I like the implication that Yuri stopped in the middle of this mine to sharpen up his wolf buddy's teeth with a whetstone. I suppose it's worth it for the +30 Physical and +32 Special Attack Power. .jpg) Oh yeah, when I said that was about it for battles in this mine until the boss? Yeah... I actually forgot a new mechanic we're about to encounter for Joachim. Music: Vicious 1915 ~ Battle in Europe .jpg) So you may notice a change has occurred here. Joachim is looking a little different... .jpg) Joachim has now assumed his original Golden Bat form. What does this mean? Well, he now has double the physical strength at the cost of halved HP and all Special Attacks (read: both Muscle Arts and Crest Magic) being disabled for the duration. .jpg)  Mmm! I want to drink some tomato juice..jpg) So how did we end up with Joachim as the Golden Bat again? Well, Joachim has a weird subsystem mechanic called Joachythms. I don't believe this ever got a tutorial and if it did, it was LONG before it became relevant. I believe the mechanic was technically unlocked as soon as Joachim formally joined the party (I guess technically as soon as he gained back his Grand Papillon mask from Yuma.) This mechanic causes Joachim to transform into one of three Joachythms after a set number of battles. The Joachythm will remain in effect for the following five battles before Joachim transforms back to his standard form. See the box there that looks like waveforms? That's the really vague indicator of when Joachim's next Joachythm will kick in. When one of the lines intersects with the center of the thick vertical line (which progresses with each fight Joachim participates in) to the leftmost, a Joachythm will automatically trigger. The golden one is of course for The Golden Bat which we currently have. The rainbow line is for Joachim's Invisible Form, which we'll see later (there's a LOT of fights in this goddamn dungeon.) If BOTH lines intersect at the same time, then we'll get Grand Papillon. But that won't occur for quite some time. There is no way to prevent Joachythms if they're going to pop up at an inopprutune time (like going back to an earlier dungeon against enemies we could one-shot to do a sidequest for example.) There are items that can influence the fluctuation of the Joachythms wavelength speed. But there's nothing that can avoid it outside of well... just not using Joachim.  There is a calculation for when Joachythms will occur if you want some stuffy mathematical mechanics. Not that it's very complicated. By default:
.jpg) A final note, Golden Bat gets its own profile blurb to replace Joachim's while he's transformed. Honestly, if I wanted to just chill out for a while, flying around as a bat wouldn't be half bad. Music: In Darkness of a Labyrinth ~ Dungeon .jpg) Back to the task at hand of getting out of this drat mine, the far western side of the dungeon contains an elevator. Not sure who is keeping the lights on or maintaining a fully operational elevator in a mine abandoned for over a decade. But don't sweat the details. There's a notice next to the elevator. Yuri cannot read it or anything. It just contains another hidden Lottery Ticket. Sneaky. .jpg) .jpg) Down we go to the second level of the mines. Sub-level? Wait, should we really be going down further into the mines. They don't generally leave exits at the bottom. .jpg) Oh well, minor details. Just a short walk from the elevator is the only important encounter of this whole 90+ minute affair. .jpg)  <puts hand on hip> You sure are! I can see it... I can see your... Bring it on, baby! ........... <turns to Yuri> Yuri! Stop being mean to the poor Ring Spirit! <turns to Karin> I'm not being mean! He just seemed a little down, so I was trying to cheer him up! I'm not the "Ring Spirit"! I'd be bummed out too if I had to hang out in the corner of some boring mine dungeon waiting to give out power-ups. Stop it, Yuri! <turns back to Ring Soul> I'm sorry, he didn't mean it, Ring Spirit! Sometimes the things Yuri says come out wrong, but he's a good kid. I'm a kid, now, am I?!  *sigh* <turns back to Ring Spirit> Did you hear that?! Now he's sighing! I told you he seemed down. How many random battles did you have to do getting here? Cuz woof... I entrust this to you... ...I am starting to doubt why..jpg) Sure, we'll take that. Congrats Yuri, you can now do four physical attack strings. .jpg) The power to command the Judgment Ring. Such power will help you carve your way through destiny... Thanks! I will appear again to give you more power, and I'm watching to see if you are truly the one to command destiny. Neat. Hope you get to hang out in a more interesting dungeon next time.The Ring Soul disappears. .jpg) Oh. ...He's gone! He's hurt because you were mean to him! What were you thinking?! You really think so?And so continues our complicated relationship with the Ring    Video: Episode 24 Highlight Reel (If you really want to see rear end scorpion in motion.)    Rhondda Mines Concept Art - Yep... that sure is a mine.  Lambton Worm Concept Art - I like the little doodle he gets.
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Sep 8, 2019 19:27
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