(Thread IKs:
Josherino)
|
i went to a thing and there was music and it was loud and i nonetheless enjoyed it for like 2 and half hours before leaving a bit early because i was starting to get overwhelmed with the noise and people but after sitting outside for a while im feeling much better and on the whole this was a mostly positive experience
|
#
?
Aug 31, 2019 06:04
|
|
|
|
| # ? May 27, 2024 22:25 |
|
|
turn off the TV posted:from past experience i can confirm that watching a dumb video is much better way to get to sleel than thinking of reasons to commit suicide Pretty much. It's drowning out the lovely thought train that keeps saying you're a giant piece of poo poo with very familiar voices and sounds. The rock bottom depression from a few years ago was MST3K, this time around it's very specific chill LPs. Since I know the jokes beat-by-beat, I try to force my brain to follow along with the dialog*. But since I know whats happening by heart, there's nothing novel to hyperfocus on. *EVERY EVENING I GO TO BED AND OPEN PALM SLAM A VIDEO INTO THE QUEUE. IT'S MST3K AND RIGHT THEN AND THERE I START THINKING THE JOKES ALONGSIDE THE MAIN CHARACTERS, THE BOTS. I THINK EVERY QUIP AND I REMEMBER THEM HARD. MAKIN WEEPING SOUNDS WHEN I SLAM DOWN SOME SADBRAIN poo poo OR EVEN WHEN I MESS UP AND RUMINATE. NOT MANY HAVE TO DEAL WITH THE GALAXY'S MOST BULLSHIT BRAIN PROBLEMS. I DO. I POST ABOUT IT AND I POST ABOUT IT EVERYDAY TO PEOPLE ON THE CSPAM THREAD AND ALL THEY DO IS PROVE PEOPLE ON THE INTERNET CAN BE VERY SUPPORTIVE. AND I'VE LEARNED ALL THE LINES AND IVE LEARNED HOW TO MAKE MYSELF AND MY BED AT NIGHT BE MORE BEARABLE BY SHOUTING EM ALL. 2 HOURS INCLUDING WIND DOWN EVERY NIGHT. THEN I LIFT.
|
|
#
?
Aug 31, 2019 06:06
|
|
|
Sanguinary Novel posted:Pretty much. It's drowning out the lovely thought train that keeps saying you're a giant piece of poo poo with very familiar voices and sounds. The rock bottom depression from a few years ago was MST3K, this time around it's very specific chill LPs. Since I know the jokes beat-by-beat, I try to force my brain to follow along with the dialog*. But since I know whats happening by heart, there's nothing novel to hyperfocus on. thank god for your electric dress
|
|
#
?
Aug 31, 2019 06:12
|
|
|
Addamere posted:i went to a thing and there was music and it was loud and i nonetheless enjoyed it for like 2 and half hours before leaving a bit early because i was starting to get overwhelmed with the noise and people but after sitting outside for a while im feeling much better and on the whole this was a mostly positive experience Way to go! Sanguinary Novel posted:Pretty much. It's drowning out the lovely thought train that keeps saying you're a giant piece of poo poo with very familiar voices and sounds. The rock bottom depression from a few years ago was MST3K, this time around it's very specific chill LPs. Since I know the jokes beat-by-beat, I try to force my brain to follow along with the dialog*. But since I know whats happening by heart, there's nothing novel to hyperfocus on. 12 to The Moon playing in the background right now. MST 3K is prettymuch the only way i can get to sleep. Ill also admit to finding certsin ASMR videos calming.
|
|
#
?
Aug 31, 2019 06:52
|
|
|
i listen to the skyrim ost a lot
|
|
#
?
Aug 31, 2019 10:27
|
|
|
Sanguinary Novel posted:*EVERY EVENING I GO TO BED AND OPEN PALM SLAM A VIDEO INTO THE QUEUE. IT'S MST3K AND RIGHT THEN AND THERE I START THINKING THE JOKES ALONGSIDE THE MAIN CHARACTERS, THE BOTS. I THINK EVERY QUIP AND I REMEMBER THEM HARD. MAKIN WEEPING SOUNDS WHEN I SLAM DOWN SOME SADBRAIN poo poo OR EVEN WHEN I MESS UP AND RUMINATE. NOT MANY HAVE TO DEAL WITH THE GALAXY'S MOST BULLSHIT BRAIN PROBLEMS. I DO. I POST ABOUT IT AND I POST ABOUT IT EVERYDAY TO PEOPLE ON THE CSPAM THREAD AND ALL THEY DO IS PROVE PEOPLE ON THE INTERNET CAN BE VERY SUPPORTIVE. AND I'VE LEARNED ALL THE LINES AND IVE LEARNED HOW TO MAKE MYSELF AND MY BED AT NIGHT BE MORE BEARABLE BY SHOUTING EM ALL. 2 HOURS INCLUDING WIND DOWN EVERY NIGHT. THEN I LIFT.
|
|
#
?
Aug 31, 2019 10:39
|
|
|
turn off the TV posted:from past experience i can confirm that watching a dumb video is much better way to get to sleel than thinking of reasons to commit suicide totally fair
|
|
#
?
Aug 31, 2019 10:57
|
|
|
I use a crackling fire with howling wind 10hour youtube on a tablet. That or rain on temt.
|
|
#
?
Aug 31, 2019 14:02
|
|
|
i put on old cum town episodes low enough so that two of the voices sound like muffled, howling wind and stav's cackles sound like the crackling of fire
|
|
#
?
Aug 31, 2019 14:30
|
|
|
Audiobooks of books I've already read or audibles free "sleep better" meditation thingy works well for me
|
|
#
?
Aug 31, 2019 16:07
|
|
|
turn off the TV posted:from past experience i can confirm that watching a dumb video is much better way to get to sleel than thinking of reasons to commit suicide 
|
|
#
?
Aug 31, 2019 16:54
|
|
|
Addamere posted:i went to a thing and there was music and it was loud and i nonetheless enjoyed it for like 2 and half hours before leaving a bit early because i was starting to get overwhelmed with the noise and people but after sitting outside for a while im feeling much better and on the whole this was a mostly positive experience 
|
|
#
?
Aug 31, 2019 16:55
|
|
|
Sanguinary Novel posted:Pretty much. It's drowning out the lovely thought train that keeps saying you're a giant piece of poo poo with very familiar voices and sounds. The rock bottom depression from a few years ago was MST3K, this time around it's very specific chill LPs. Since I know the jokes beat-by-beat, I try to force my brain to follow along with the dialog*. But since I know whats happening by heart, there's nothing novel to hyperfocus on. That's a very novel way of looking at it. I tend to be hyper focused on media that's playing in a room such that it can never go into the background. I don't re-watch videos I've played previously but maybe I should, and this explains why they can be less distracting but still beneficial as a way of feeling surrounded by welcoming things. I guess I always just skip watched videos/shows because I'm usually overly cautious about tainting my good memories of it, but this concept sounds like a reason I don't need to feel that way.
|
|
#
?
Aug 31, 2019 17:45
|
|
|
The trip out last night seems to have flipped a switch in my head and made me more productive today. I woke up late enough in the afternoon that in days past I would have just written off the day, yet again, as a day nothing can be done. Instead, I got up, showered, and instead of grabbing some caffeine and settling in at the computer desk to alternate between shitposting and watching YouTube videos I went out for an evening bicycle ride. Upon returning, I still feel energized and while I've been shitposting I'm also getting some things done I've been putting off around the house. But going back to last night itself, I felt feelings I'd not felt in nearly a decade, on the way home from it. I used to go out every once in a while to clear my mind, and I pretty much stopped doing that several years ago. I got almost deja vu feelings of the way I'd feel over a decade ago, and reminding myself of those times makes me wonder if this hasn't been a pressure valve for my stress that I've just completely forgotten about and ignored. That seems likely! I think I'm going to start making a habit of going out on the weekends, especially if like now I'm in the middle of a hosed up sleep schedule where I'm awake all night anyway. Worst case scenario, it seems, is that I'm the yuppie wallflower whose attendance contributes to keeping ticket prices down. And the upside is I feel more human afterward, and more comfortable with myself and capable of executive function the next day. Gonna mention all this to my pdoc next time I see them.
|
|
#
?
Sep 1, 2019 04:24
|
|
|
on the other hand, last night took me from just over one year sober to zero days sober 
|
|
#
?
Sep 1, 2019 04:26
|
|
|
I sure miss going out too. I feel like I've been waiting for better times to try to make stuff work out with regularly seeing friends, but now is when I need them. Your story was nice.
|
|
#
?
Sep 1, 2019 04:32
|
|
|
Addamere posted:The trip out last night seems to have flipped a switch in my head and made me more productive today. wow, congrats! try to keep that momentum going
|
|
#
?
Sep 1, 2019 05:17
|
|
|
Weekend got off to a bad start. Dreamt I was so depressed, I was going to kill myself. Made a plan in the dream and everything, it was awful. Woke up feeling excessively sad and guilty, and it's clouded the whole day. Thanks subconscious, you're a real pal.
|
|
#
?
Sep 1, 2019 06:50
|
|
|
Does anybody keep a mood diary? I’ve heard it’s supposed to be useful but I’m not really sure how or why?
|
|
#
?
Sep 1, 2019 13:08
|
|
|
TACD posted:Does anybody keep a mood diary? I’ve heard it’s supposed to be useful but I’m not really sure how or why? I don't, but a friend was encouraging me to over messenger, so I'll just copy paste what she was saying about them: a friend posted:Do you have a mood tracker?
|
|
#
?
Sep 1, 2019 13:45
|
|
|
TACD posted:Does anybody keep a mood diary? I’ve heard it’s supposed to be useful but I’m not really sure how or why? I don't, but the potential usefulness is really clear, e.g. for me it would no doubt much more effectively have demonstrated that while I was happy and full of energy the 24 hours after going out drinking I was then extra miserable another day out. As it stands I just slowly realized it over a much longer time period.
|
|
#
?
Sep 1, 2019 15:54
|
|
|
I keep a general diary which is mostly just cataloging my mood and what I'm struggling with at the moment. What's helpful for me is looking back a few weeks and seeing what had changed, what I could do differently, etc
|
|
#
?
Sep 1, 2019 16:44
|
|
|
Failson posted:Weekend got off to a bad start. Dreamt I was so depressed, I was going to kill myself. Made a plan in the dream and everything, it was awful. I had a dream a couple weeks back where I was dying. Not self harm or anything- but it was first-person, where I was looking out and I saw the darkness encircling my vision and it kind of hurt, but I thought to myself "you've been waiting for this for decades. You better enjoy it and take it all in." that dream is gonna stick with me and gently caress my month up. my ideation is down to near zero at this point now that my meds have been dialed in, and even though it wasnt self harm, still disconcerting. fuckin' rear end in a top hat brain
|
|
#
?
Sep 1, 2019 18:09
|
|
|
Failson posted:Weekend got off to a bad start. Dreamt I was so depressed, I was going to kill myself. Made a plan in the dream and everything, it was awful. sup bad dream buddy. last night I dreamed I accidentally backed into a little girl and she broke her neck, killing her instantly. I had to file reports at the station and told them immediately I needed a suicide watch. yup.
|
|
#
?
Sep 1, 2019 18:10
|
|
|
Yall do understand that you're among the most valuable handful of people on earth right Nearly zero people on our planet understand our predatory political situation as well as a CSPAM poster, and how best to teach people how to survive in it Do not think about killing yourselves, christ -- if anything everyone else in the planet besides you should die first. You're comparatively better people in terms of net benefit to human knowledge about suffering and kindness and how they work in complex societal systems.
|
|
#
?
Sep 1, 2019 19:29
|
|
|
Dumb Lowtax posted:Yall do understand that you're among the most valuable handful of people on earth right i mean we howl for blood in cspam on a regular basis but very few peoples truly deserve to die and imo that’s a call I’m not comfortable making beyond a few obvious human cancers in politics but that being said everyone itt is dope and I’m glad y’all are engaging and at least reaching out, it’s brave and hopefully helps  e: except the posters who come in here telling people not to get help gently caress them. rest of you are great tho
|
|
#
?
Sep 1, 2019 21:41
|
|
|
Dumb Lowtax posted:Yall do understand that you're among the most valuable handful of people on earth right Reading C-SPAM helps me feel less alone, you are all valuable people who make positive contributions even if you don't know it
|
|
#
?
Sep 1, 2019 21:51
|
|
|
I had an incredibly hard summer after my engagement ended and the support and jokes of C-SPAM posters played a pretty big role in helping me unfuck my brain. So I really appreciate this thread and am trying to pay it forward by being as good to other goons as everyone was to me.
|
|
#
?
Sep 1, 2019 22:18
|
|
|
I woke up crying because I realized it's only going to get hotter and hotter, and everyone I know and love will die someday, and now it's almost guaranteed to be cruel and painful, and I probably won't get to die peacefully at home surrounded by people that I love. what is the point in getting a software engineering degree if there's not going to be any computers in 15 years.
|
|
#
?
Sep 2, 2019 01:56
|
|
|
Turtlicious posted:I woke up crying because I realized it's only going to get hotter and hotter, and everyone I know and love will die someday, and now it's almost guaranteed to be cruel and painful, and I probably won't get to die peacefully at home surrounded by people that I love. what is the point in getting a software engineering degree if there's not going to be any computers in 15 years. if there’s one thing 2016 has taught me, it’s that nobody has any goddamn what’s going to happen and we left logical causality and rational action a long time ago. things are turbofucked right now but who the hell can even guess what we’re going to see in the future based on the calvacade of improbable events we’ve witnessed? as hard as it is, don’t lose focus of what you have now based on what will happen in the future. it’s a million times easier to say then do but still important.
|
|
#
?
Sep 2, 2019 02:21
|
|
|
I was extremely dumb and let my insurance lapse for a month by putting down the wrong date on a form and I've been without medication for 3 weeks and no way to afford more for another two, pray for me
|
|
#
?
Sep 2, 2019 02:39
|
|
|
lol i slept the whole day because i'm depressed
|
|
#
?
Sep 2, 2019 02:41
|
|
|
Mayor Dave posted:I was extremely dumb and let my insurance lapse for a month by putting down the wrong date on a form and I've been without medication for 3 weeks and no way to afford more for another two, pray for me have you checked goodrx, there’s some absolutely stupid deals on most generics on there
|
|
#
?
Sep 2, 2019 02:43
|
|
|
Chokes McGee posted:have you checked goodrx, there’s some absolutely stupid deals on most generics on there It's not the pills it's the prescription, I have to get a new one and I can't afford the appointment without the insurance
|
|
#
?
Sep 2, 2019 02:51
|
|
|
Mayor Dave posted:It's not the pills it's the prescription, I have to get a new one and I can't afford the appointment without the insurance oh  valerian is otc so I feel comfortable recommending it generally for anxiety. stay the gently caress away from St. John’s wort it will gently caress your poo poo up e: camomile and lavender are also good for stress control. not much to be done for bipolar or psychosis 
|
|
#
?
Sep 2, 2019 02:55
|
|
|
Mayor Dave posted:It's not the pills it's the prescription, I have to get a new one and I can't afford the appointment without the insurance I've called my doctor before while my insurance was in lapse and had them issue a new one with no charge. My pharmacy, Rite-Aid also will fax my doctor a week before my refills are up and they keep approving more refills so you may want to try that. Stay safe fellow med-needing goon.
|
|
#
?
Sep 2, 2019 03:43
|
|
|
I've been sober for about a month an a half. No cravings to speak of and I'm going to therapy but the depression is still slapping me around pretty good. Recently I signed a purchase agreement for a new place and it's nice and it's where I want to live, but I'm kind of wondering why I bothered to do it at all. Moving into a new place and buying stuff to put there and spending money on it all just seems sort of like decorating a tomb for myself. It's not like I have anyone to share it with, so here I am working crazy hours to fill up a house full of poo poo that just makes me feel isolated. The ennui of middle-aged, middle-managment assholes is as petty as it is real.
|
|
#
?
Sep 2, 2019 05:13
|
|
|
Zeroisanumber posted:Moving into a new place and buying stuff to put there and spending money on it all just seems sort of like decorating a tomb for myself. I've never thought about this kind of thing framed like that before, and now I'm imagining future archeologists finally breaking the seal on an ancient apartment-tomb and marveling at the shelves and shelves of meticulously organized and placed funkos.
|
|
#
?
Sep 2, 2019 06:08
|
|
|
Hope everyone gets at least mediocre dreams tonight. Sleep well goons.
|
|
#
?
Sep 2, 2019 06:28
|
|
|
|
| # ? May 27, 2024 22:25 |
|
|
Zeroisanumber posted:Recently I signed a purchase agreement for a new place and it's nice and it's where I want to live, but I'm kind of wondering why I bothered to do it at all. Moving into a new place and buying stuff to put there and spending money on it all just seems sort of like decorating a tomb for myself. It's not like I have anyone to share it with, so here I am working crazy hours to fill up a house full of poo poo that just makes me feel isolated. It's conspicuous consumption conditioned into you by capitalism. You don't actually have to fill the house with poo poo. It's just a societal expectation. You can do whatever you want.
|
|
#
?
Sep 2, 2019 06:41
|
|
