(Thread IKs:
Josherino)
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A work friend and all around really good guy got (unfairly) let go two weeks ago, after working there for 24 years. He always worked unpaid overtime and never took vacations, and was just a kind, soft spoken guy. I felt like poo poo that I didn't say anything, or couldn't do anything to stop it. I couldn't even throw him a proper goodbye party (our company treats employees that leave like the walking dead, so I usually go out of my way to get a cake or donuts or SOMETHING), as he was escorted out of the building. This week he contacted me about helping him design a resume. Tonight we met and besides getting more details about projects and skills, I tried everything I could to highlight his good skills, to give him talking points for projects and how to fix up his portfolio. I've gotten more and more dissolutioned with my job as a graphic designer over the last year, frustrated that the best I could aim for in this career path is getting people to buy more poo poo or making a prettier cereal box or some poo poo. How can you claim to be a Marxist if the key component of your job is making garbage people don't need look more attractive, or create materials that convince people to buy garbage? Graphic design is inextricably tied to capitalism. Being able to do this resume sheet for him isn't high design, and I have to crank it out overnight. But to know that my efforts will make the best parts of him shine, and give him the confidence to maybe find a place that treats him with respect fills me with so much happiness. It's a dumb dream, but I wish I could find a way to provide free graphic design services to low income non-profits, to give them the tools and materials to do their work, the ability to shine in a culture that is so appearance-driven.
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Sep 26, 2019 00:46
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I just hate feeling so powerless. So many problems in the world and my life and all I can do is make myself look weak and pathetic arguing and hollering at people who are barely associated with the causes. like, gently caress, i just spent my morning randomly yelling at a guy because i saw he liked a show I consider as really transphobic. dude wasnt even posting at the time. Im such a loving hysterical and useless idiot
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Sep 26, 2019 00:59
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Sanguinary Novel posted:It's a dumb dream, but I wish I could find a way to provide free graphic design services to low income non-profits, to give them the tools and materials to do their work, the ability to shine in a culture that is so appearance-driven. There's absolutely nothing dumb about wanting to use your skills to help the people who need it. SunAndSpring posted:I just hate feeling so powerless. So many problems in the world and my life and all I can do is make myself look weak and pathetic arguing and hollering at people who are barely associated with the causes. like, gently caress, i just spent my morning randomly yelling at a guy because i saw he liked a show I consider as really transphobic. dude wasn’t even posting at the time. I’m such a loving hysterical and useless idiot The first step is to not beat yourself up about it afterwards. That just leads to more frustration and anger. Then I'd find a way to work on that feeling of powerlessness. Pick something in the world you feel that way about, and then take part in some protests or actions about it. Do what you can, and it can help you feel more in control, which helps you take more action. It's a virtuous cycle but a hard one to get going.
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Sep 26, 2019 01:17
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I feel very paranoid about going outside and participating in stuff these days. I mean, poo poo, the poo poo people can get away with doing to you if youre trans is unreal. Even leftist spaces like this can be bad, excusing transphobic comments from people are who are friends with the right figures as just jokes or just questions. I mean, gently caress, the amount of poo poo Ive gotten for just going some stuff Nick Mullen says is really transphobic is unreal. I just wish I could stop being trans, its a huge target painted on my back that announces to people that its ok to humiliate and hurt me.
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Sep 26, 2019 02:39
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SunAndSpring posted:I feel very paranoid about going outside and participating in stuff these days. I mean, poo poo, the poo poo people can get away with doing to you if youre trans is unreal. Even leftist spaces like this can be bad, excusing transphobic comments from people are who are friends with the right figures as just jokes or just questions. I mean, gently caress, the amount of poo poo Ive gotten for just going some stuff Nick Mullen says is really transphobic is unreal. I just wish I could stop being trans, its a huge target painted on my back that announces to people that its ok to humiliate and hurt me. If you don't have anyone local who you can talk to, I'm just going to assume this is the case based on your post, I can reach out to people in your area directly or via network of trusted individuals and groups to connect you with them.
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Sep 28, 2019 05:28
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Feeling bad cause I found out I'm making more than five dollars more per hour than my trainer who does the same job + more. I dunno if it's cause I'm a man and she's a woman or because I'm a generic yuppie type and she's got multiple nose rings and blue hair and a dozen tattoos or what but whatever the reason it's bullshit. She's really good at her job and I'm only a month in and didn't even try to negotiate my wage. I felt even more guilty when she said she was 50k in debt from university while I have significant savings.
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Sep 28, 2019 13:40
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UnfortunateSexFart posted:Feeling bad cause I found out I'm making more than five dollars more per hour than my trainer who does the same job + more. I dunno if it's cause I'm a man and she's a woman or because I'm a generic yuppie type and she's got multiple nose rings and blue hair and a dozen tattoos or what but whatever the reason it's bullshit. She's really good at her job and I'm only a month in and didn't even try to negotiate my wage. More than likely its the glass ceiling in full effect 
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Sep 28, 2019 15:43
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UnfortunateSexFart posted:Feeling bad cause I found out I'm making more than five dollars more per hour than my trainer who does the same job + more. I dunno if it's cause I'm a man and she's a woman or because I'm a generic yuppie type and she's got multiple nose rings and blue hair and a dozen tattoos or what but whatever the reason it's bullshit. She's really good at her job and I'm only a month in and didn't even try to negotiate my wage. did you tell her the discrepancy?
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Sep 28, 2019 16:50
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got any sevens posted:did you tell her the discrepancy? This is a good point. its an awkward subject to broach and you dont just want to roll up with HAY DID YOU KNOW YOU MAKE LESS but if the subjects already come up then absolutely discuss wages. the idea that its unprofessional to do so is absolute bull poo poo used by companies to keep control over their workers.
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Sep 28, 2019 17:00
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It's definitely a good convo to have. We actually talked about it yesterday at my work, and it turns out everyone in our rank makes the same wage ( ) because they won't hire anyone above that and never give out raises or promotions ( )we're all "independent contractors" and it's not clear to any of us if we could unionize literally everyone is brushing up their resumes and openly talking about leaving whenever bosses aren't in the room
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Sep 28, 2019 17:07
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My mother in law is also making $5 or $6 bucks less per hour than people she trains. She threatened to leave but they didnt take the bait. She is a OB nurse who catches babies and her hospital is the only one within reasonable driving distance for her (she is petrified of driving) that still delivers babies, so she has to go to work knowing the fresh fish are out earning her with years of experience. It is hosed up for sure. A ton of hospitals are shutting down birthing centers because giving birth is risky as gently caress and they dont want the liability as the cost/risk ratio is too high, so nurses who truly love prenatal/birth health care are over a barrel. My wife, who works in an ER, could leave her job tomorrow and land at a place 5 minutes down the road from where she works and get a $15k signing bonus. American health care, everyone!
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Sep 28, 2019 17:18
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Also, I had my first full-on panic attack in 18 months while sitting at home yesterday writing up a story for work apropos of nothing and it was horrible. it is super simple subject matter that I'm well ahead of deadline on and I have been doing this for nearly a decade now, so this poo poo is old hat and is in no way triggering. I'm stumped, but that's brain problems for you. Thankfully I was at home and my spouse was present and I was able to ride it out with the assistance of 1 mg of prescribed ativan and about half an hour sweating on the couch in front of a fan watching puppies play on the show "too cute"
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Sep 28, 2019 17:24
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got any sevens posted:did you tell her the discrepancy? I'm scared to, to be honest. The CEO would not be happy with me and there's only 15 people working there. Waiting for the right time. I'm still the new guy and can't afford another six months of unemployment.
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Sep 29, 2019 02:02
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Hi cspam mental health friends. I've had a whole lot of tries at writing this so far, so this time I am just going to post what I get. Sorry if this seems disjointed, part of me really wants to be here. Another is telling me get away now, don't you dare do this, you don't tell people your deal. Basically, I was finally diagnosed a while back with ADD, after years of various antidepressants that didn't work. I have the usual stuff, terrible organisation, don't finish things, inattentive etc. I am on meds and they have helped hugely. I Actually forget the background and bio, I'm here right now coz my mind won't stop racing and feels full of spikes and my jaw hurts from clenching my teeth for hours. I feel like I've been in fight or flight mode for days. Every thought sets of a host of associated chains of thought and these multiply exponentially, clashing and fighting for brain space. I'm also getting a bit obsessive, trying to make whatever I am doing 'right', whatever that means. E.g. I have rewritten every sentence in this multiple times. I also am barely sleeping, although I finally got a few hours last night. Previous to that I slept maybe combined 5 hours over 5 nights. I have to stop now or I will just keep going, and I don't really know what to ask. I guess just be good to hear from someone who knows being in this place. I should say I do have a partner and she is amazing and awesome and will always listen to my bullshit, but it can be hard for her to get what happens when my brain goes here. Sorry for giant post everyone.
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Sep 29, 2019 14:26
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Sounds like anxiety and panic attacks. It isn't fun, but it's a known thing with good treatment options. Specifically the fight-or-flight plus racing thoughts is panic, and there are techniques like paired progressive muscle relaxation that can help a lot with mitigating them when they're building up, and meds like atarax for when they really get going. As for the brain spikes, that sounds a lot like the "zaps" that come with SSRI withdrawal. Are you just getting off of your antidepressants? Because honestly the whole suite of symptoms sounds like what happens when you get off your antidepressants. It goes away after a few days to a week depending on which drug / how much / how long you were taking it, but it does go away on its own.
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Sep 29, 2019 14:50
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Thanks for the reply. Yeah there' s absolutely a pile of anxiety right now, I just can't seem to alleviate it. I have been exercising and it helps a bit, altho not as much as normal, and I can't meditate. The brain spike thing is less a physical thing and more of a bad metaphor on my part, sorry. I've had the zaps before from going on and off effexor. I guess what I was trying to say is my thoughts have been running at high intensity and clashing for such a sustained period that they have an almost physical quality. It sounds stupid maybe, but I will say the act of finally posting something here, even if it doesn't communicate everything, has helped. And even more so has your response, as it helps me focus on something besides racing thoughts. So thanks again. Also I take dexamphetamine for the ADD but have been on a med break for a month, which yeah may also have something to do with current situation. I put that in original post but must have removed it by mistake in my various edits.
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Sep 29, 2019 15:28
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Yeah I've had the racing thoughts that feel like an almost physical pressure on the chest, it's usually a sign of an impending panic attack for me. Especially if they're focusing on some imagined impending catastrophe or if they loop back on themselves. Then I get the full blown chest pain, difficulty breathing, extended fight or flight response if the panic attack proper. Does that sound right? If so, that sucks, and I'm sorry you're going through it, but you're not alone in having them, and the impending doom feeling is an illusion. Try looking into some dialectical behavioral therapy techniques. Different ones work for different people, but distraction often helps to break the racing thoughts, as you already discovered. Find something relaxing but engaging like a puzzle game to occupy your mind. Actual jigsaw puzzles help me a good bit.
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Sep 29, 2019 15:45
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Hi Slumfrog. Im sorry you have to deal with this . I get panic attacks too. Even though its the go-to suggestion that everyone seems to offer, Ive found that simply concentrating on my breathing is a very good way to defuse the panic attack before it spirals out of control. Find a quiet place, close your eyes, and try to focus on only your breathing. Count to 5 as you inhale slowly through your nose, then count to 5 again as you slowly exhale through your mouth. Theres nothing else you have to do or think about: count to 5, inhale, exhale. Some unpleasant thoughts will still make it through, and thats okay. Acknowledge their presence, then slowly shift your focus back to breathing. A few years ago, you never could have convinced me that such a simple thing could break me out of a panic attack. Now, its a reliable tool for me to calm myself down and bring my mind back to baseline. Give it a try, and remember: panic attacks cant kill you. They feel terrible for awhile, but youll get through it, and youll be okay.
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Sep 29, 2019 17:32
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one thing i like to do to relax is smell my spices vanilla, cloves, rosemary, basil, allspice, etc just opening the lid and getting a big whiff with my eyes closed is very therapeutic
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Sep 29, 2019 18:43
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Take a hot shower and lay down in the dark with some kind of white noise on, or like, if you like asmr stuff some of that That's what I do, just kinda lay there in the dark and disconnect
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Sep 29, 2019 21:56
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Slumfrog posted:Hi cspam mental health friends. I've had a whole lot of tries at writing this so far, so this time I am just going to post what I get. Sorry if this seems disjointed, part of me really wants to be here. Another is telling me get away now, don't you dare do this, you don't tell people your deal. Ignore the goons in this thread telling you that ~you have anxiety, just like they do~. If you have ADD and you're on meds, it's 99% likely that your med is either "an amphetamine variant" or "something that works exactly like an amphetamine, but technically is not one". The reason you're clenching/grinding your teeth, having muscle spasms, and racing thoughts is most likely because, in essence, you are on somewhat more moderate versions of meth. Talk to your prescriber and see what adjusting your meds or dosage do. If you haven't had significant anxiety symptoms prior to going on meds, chances are you don't have any kind of anxiety disorder. Also, if you did not know this, all stimulants compound each other in a way that is effectively multiplicative more than it is additive, so if (like me) you are someone who for a long time self-medicated for your ADD with caffeine, and you went on something like Adderall without adjusting your caffeine (or other stimulant) intake, that could well be loving with you. The same thing happened on me when I was first getting medicated for ADHD. Drastically cutting back caffine and adjusting my meds worked perfectly. I would not even have known this poo poo to tell you if I just relied on the internet, because the person who actually explained the "amphetamine + caffeine = LMAO" thing to me was my prescriber. Also, even if you've been on a med break, the compounding effect persists for a while, and you will also get weird as gently caress stuff if you just cut out. People who take med holidays from ADD stimulants actually have worse effectiveness over time than just keeping straight up with it, not to mention being an awesome front for all the people who make it really hard to get a prescription for those of us who legit need it. You have doctors. They are treating you. Talk to them before you talk to us, first last and always. Do they even know you're taking a break? Goons and online communities and friends are great for the emotional and social support of these issues, but don't ever take medical advice from the internet, and "you have X symptom? That means Y diagnosis! So relatable!" is just a terrible way to do things. TALK. TO. YOUR. DOCTOR. I love this thread but I swear to god I see stupidity on this level every few days and it's infuriating. HELLO LADIES has issued a correction as of 22:05 on Sep 29, 2019 |
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Sep 29, 2019 21:58
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oh i missed the add meds part, yeah ths is stim poo poo, as someone who once took too much of her meds because she couldnt remember taking them and spent the next eight hours in stim psychosis
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Sep 29, 2019 22:29
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HELLO LADIES posted:Ignore the goons in this thread telling you that ~you have anxiety, just like they do~. If you have ADD and you're on meds, it's 99% likely that your med is either "an amphetamine variant" or "something that works exactly like an amphetamine, but technically is not one". The reason you're clenching/grinding your teeth, having muscle spasms, and racing thoughts is most likely because, in essence, you are on somewhat more moderate versions of meth. Talk to your prescriber and see what adjusting your meds or dosage do. If you haven't had significant anxiety symptoms prior to going on meds, chances are you don't have any kind of anxiety disorder. Also, if you did not know this, all stimulants compound each other in a way that is effectively multiplicative more than it is additive, so if (like me) you are someone who for a long time self-medicated for your ADD with caffeine, and you went on something like Adderall without adjusting your caffeine (or other stimulant) intake, that could well be loving with you. The same thing happened on me when I was first getting medicated for ADHD. Drastically cutting back caffine and adjusting my meds worked perfectly. I would not even have known this poo poo to tell you if I just relied on the internet, because the person who actually explained the "amphetamine + caffeine = LMAO" thing to me was my prescriber. Also, even if you've been on a med break, the compounding effect persists for a while, and you will also get weird as gently caress stuff if you just cut out. People who take med holidays from ADD stimulants actually have worse effectiveness over time than just keeping straight up with it, not to mention being an awesome front for all the people who make it really hard to get a prescription for those of us who legit need it. Slumfrog posted:Also I take dexamphetamine for the ADD but have been on a med break for a month, which yeah may also have something to do with current situation. I put that in original post but must have removed it by mistake in my various edits. 
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Sep 29, 2019 22:31
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having sadbrains because I got engaged on this night a year ago and now one year later, I live alone in a studio apartment and my social activity extends to going to trivia once a week. I don't really know why I am venting into the void here, since my therapist said that I have good adaptive coping skills and that I am doing well post-my life imploding. But four months after I still have some bad days and this is one.
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Sep 29, 2019 22:38
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my job got automated out of existence so I went to grad school to be a computer person. I just graduated. now I have a bunch of debt and Im dependent on expensive-rear end meds, but I also feel like a bad person working in the private sector, the only area Ive had experience with. I havent been able to find a job at a nonprofit so far and Im about to take a contract. Everyone I know is falling over themselves to work at FAANG or they already do (eg my housemate). but I cant bring myself to take on either the virtualizer role or the PMC role after going off meds in the summer and reading a ton of books that changed how I look at computers completely. I feel like a bad person and I think I will contemplate suicide every morning once I start this job but idk what to do. mawarannahr has issued a correction as of 22:55 on Sep 29, 2019 |
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Sep 29, 2019 22:49
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HELLO LADIES posted:I love this thread but I swear to god I see stupidity on this level every few days and it's infuriating. please dont do this. part of this thread is to share experiences and get support with what were going through. I do agree were butting up to the line of diagnosing which is an absolute no no, so when in doubt, talk to your doctor. that being said there were a lot of legit strategies that have been shared for calming oneself. Please dont shut down discussion, because those kind of things are actually useful.
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Sep 29, 2019 23:31
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Psych meds aren't loving fire and forget no-prescription-needed poo poo like aspirin. There is a reason almost all of them need to be tapered and monitored by a medical professional and why even drugs of vastly different types can and will gently caress you up if you do not taper correctly or engage in inadvertent multipharmacology, and the thing with stimulants is that they have compounding reactions with almost every other type of drug or mental issue, because of what they do to poo poo like your sleep cycles, appetite, etc etc. Mawarannahr Bucket posted:I feel like a bad person and I think I will contemplate suicide every morning once I start this job but idk what to do. Google "scrupulosity", and then treat it like you would any other kind of suicidality, which is to say: professionally, but you should also mention that aspect bc it's relevant.
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Sep 30, 2019 00:05
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HELLO LADIES posted:Psych meds aren't loving fire and forget no-prescription-needed poo poo like aspirin. There is a reason almost all of them need to be tapered and monitored by a medical professional and why even drugs of vastly different types can and will gently caress you up if you do not taper correctly or engage in inadvertent multipharmacology, and the thing with stimulants is that they have compounding reactions with almost every other type of drug or mental issue, because of what they do to poo poo like your sleep cycles, appetite, etc etc. Yeah I dunno, a month seems like a very long time as far as stimulants go. I can't imagine that someone could have taken too high of a dose and have the effects last for 30 days
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Sep 30, 2019 00:11
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My wife and I went out today with 2/3rds of our wedding party (literally 2 out of the 3 people we had at our city hall ceremony) and I felt another panic attack coming on as I drove down the highway and pulled over so she could take over driving. It'd been 18 months since my last panic attack, and now I've had 2 apropos of nothing in 3 days and I'm now worried about commuting to work tomorrow and it'll likely be a self fulfilling prophecy and I'm not happy about that. Thanks for reading pals
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Sep 30, 2019 00:47
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Eat This Glob posted:My wife and I went out today with 2/3rds of our wedding party (literally 2 out of the 3 people we had at our city hall ceremony) and I felt another panic attack coming on as I drove down the highway and pulled over so she could take over driving. It'd been 18 months since my last panic attack, and now I've had 2 apropos of nothing in 3 days and I'm now worried about commuting to work tomorrow and it'll likely be a self fulfilling prophecy and I'm not happy about that. Thanks for reading pals Could you afford to uber/lyft/taxi, or is there any way you could both get up a little early so she could take you to work and then go in herself? (I'm assuming there isn't workable public transit, but if there is, also a good option if it won't in and of itself give you panic attacks.) It might not be financially viable if the panic attacks keep up at this frequency, but if it helps you avoid some kind of accident that will have longer term consequences, probably worth considering.
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Sep 30, 2019 01:07
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This guy I work with has been trying to get me fired for about three months now. It came to a head last week and he put in his two weeks notice. I should be happy, and I am that he is leaving, but the massive feelings of anxiety he caused me has not gone away at all. He relishes every opportunity he can get to make me look incompetent. He loves to call me out in front of everyone and on our story tracker and slack. He talks poo poo about me to my PM and to my EM. He is incredibly rude to me and treats me like I am stupid. Last week was a major clusterfuck where our pipeline was broken. During that time, we werent able to run our UAT E2E because they only trigger when you deploy something to the cloud. As well, the workstation I was working on kept having the virtual register crash so I couldnt run all the E2E before I pushed my code. Well, the guy who inexplicably hates me was the one who was working on fixing the pipelines. Plenty of tests were breaking unrelates to my new code, but he chose to put me on blast in front of all my coworkers. Once for an E2E failing that we knew about and the bug for which was queued up next in the story tracker. One for a test I wasnt able to run as it was tied to the virtual register that I couldn't run at the time. He took the opportunity to put a blocker on a story calling my code causing the test, and two posts in our slack of me causing the issue. Instead of talking to me and telling me he found one of the E2Es failing he chose to use the opportunity to embarrass me as publicily as possible. He has been taking potshots at me ans devaluing me for months. I really dont know why he focuses so much hatred on me. Even though he is quitting, all weekend I havent been able to shake the anxiety that he has really messed my career here up. I have spent all weekend drinking Pepto Bismol to calm my stomache and eating CBD gummies to tamper my anxiety. I am so upset and uncomfortable and he has managed to make a job I love (software development) into a daily hell for me. TLDR: coworker who hates me and causes me trouble leaving but still massive anxiety over all the ill will he has tried to stir up for me at work.
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Sep 30, 2019 02:12
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cyka blyat posted:This guy I work with has been trying to get me fired for about three months now. It came to a head last week and he put in his two weeks notice. I should be happy, and I am that he is leaving, but the massive feelings of anxiety he caused me has not gone away at all.
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Sep 30, 2019 03:28
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cyka blyat posted:This guy I work with has been trying to get me fired for about three months now. It came to a head last week and he put in his two weeks notice. I should be happy, and I am that he is leaving, but the massive feelings of anxiety he caused me has not gone away at all. Can relate, I got hosed with like that (not as directly) by a coworker in 2011 and it still bugs me. The person actually succeeded in turning the client against me but my company relocated me to location with a much better commute and gave me a promotion so it worked out. The only issue was we spent all day together and didn't have anything in common value or interest-wise. She wanted a gossip buddy. It never would have occurred to me to destroy her life over being different, but some people are like that.
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Sep 30, 2019 04:40
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PsychedelicWarlord posted:having sadbrains because I got engaged on this night a year ago and now one year later, I live alone in a studio apartment and my social activity extends to going to trivia once a week. I don't really know why I am venting into the void here, since my therapist said that I have good adaptive coping skills and that I am doing well post-my life imploding. But four months after I still have some bad days and this is one. Good to hear you're doing all right generally and feel free to scream into the void whenever it helps
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Sep 30, 2019 04:41
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Found out that the side-effect of missing my med for a day and a half is a whanging headache. Good to know.
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Sep 30, 2019 04:52
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talked to my wife today. it had kind of been unspoken for a while, but shes nearing menopause soon, and weve made the official decision not to raise children. were both ill suited for it and very much at peace with our decision. so Ive done my part to reduce carbon footprint 
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Sep 30, 2019 06:05
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how do therapy sessions usually go? im about to schedule one but im a bit nervous? what is the first appointment like? i hope they arent like "why are you coming here today"
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Sep 30, 2019 13:22
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It varies significantly, but they'll usually give you more to work with than just that. A lot of the first session is usually the therapist explaining how they do things to make sure you're okay with it, and then delving into the basics of what you're struggling with.
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Sep 30, 2019 14:04
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succ posted:how do therapy sessions usually go? im about to schedule one but im a bit nervous? what is the first appointment like? They may ask you "what do you want to work on" or "how would you like to work on this," which is different. "I don't know" is a perfectly acceptable answer. They're asking to find out what you're comfortable or interested in. If you don't have any preferences, they'll take it from there.
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Sep 30, 2019 17:10
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I started this management job and I loving hate it. I'm absolutely miserable. I hate being the one responsible for covering shifts, I hate being at the whims of the people above me. The only job I've ever been remotely happy at was the comic shop and it's not enough to sustain me I hate this Edit  
BENGHAZI 2 has issued a correction as of 18:48 on Sep 30, 2019 |
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Sep 30, 2019 18:43
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