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"The 80s called and they want that shirt back." Why did they call you and not me? I'm the one wearing their shirt. You must be a personal assistant to the 80s. No no you are dating the 80s and they called you on account of how you have a close relationship. The 80s want the shirt back so they could give it to you instead. That's what this is. You are trying to get my god drat shirt. Well I'm keeping it. |
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Oct 4, 2019 01:48
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No sir, I don't think your logic holds true. It is perfectly possible for someone who did not "deal" it to smell it. In fact, if anything they are more likely to call it out, because they may smell it more strongly and they would not be feeling the embarrassment of...wait, where are you going? Ok, fine, that one was me. |
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Oct 4, 2019 03:09
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google THIS posted:No sir, I don't think your logic holds true. It is perfectly possible for someone who did not "deal" it to smell it. In fact, if anything they are more likely to call it out, because they may smell it more strongly and they would not be feeling the embarrassment of...wait, where are you going? Ok, fine, that one was me. take last week's sunday afternoon party at anne's, i supplied that seven layer dip everyone loved, who would i be to deny that, i worked dang hard on it
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Oct 4, 2019 03:25
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Trying to spin a gun on my finger like a cowboy but I have terrible co-ordination and keep dropping it.
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Oct 4, 2019 03:47
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google THIS posted:No sir, I don't think your logic holds true. It is perfectly possible for someone who did not "deal" it to smell it. In fact, if anything they are more likely to call it out, because they may smell it more strongly and they would not be feeling the embarrassment of...wait, where are you going? Ok, fine, that one was me. The Pootsecutor. He's got streaks on his briefs. |
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Oct 4, 2019 03:51
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magic cactus posted:Trying to spin a gun on my finger like a cowboy but I have terrible co-ordination and keep dropping it. u may have heard of me, i'm johnny six gu- gently caress poo poo gently caress yeah i am jphnny 6 gunz
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Oct 4, 2019 03:51
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Winning a shootout not because I was quicker on the draw but because my gun got stuck and I fell over in panic and my opponent's bullet went over me. Fastest spaz in the West. |
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Oct 4, 2019 04:12
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Losing the shootout because I ate too many buttered biscuits for breakfast causing my gun to slip comically upwards when I squeeze the handle so that I keep juggling it between my hands for several seconds. |
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Oct 4, 2019 04:19
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Your car when I'm crossing the road? Miss me with that poo poo. |
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Oct 4, 2019 04:32
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Crossing the street and there's a car looking at traffic the other way the entire time and then we they start moving they turn in my direction and that's when I bust out the creepy horse mask. |
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Oct 4, 2019 18:27
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so here's me: a 39-year-old underemployed millenial in rural appalachia, staring at the sky as i lie face-up on a playground merry-go-round in the city park, pushing myself along with the foot i have dangling over the edge as i contemplate my ongoing existential crisis where poverty keeps me from most of the steps of maslow's hierarchy of needs and here's the 12-yr-old kid waiting for me to leave so they can use the merry-go-round: "MA! GET THE NALOXONE, THIS GUY LOOKS LIKE HE OD'd!" ---------------- |
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Oct 5, 2019 02:47
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Gene Hackman Fan posted:so here's me: a 39-year-old underemployed millenial in rural appalachia, staring at the sky as i lie face-up on a playground merry-go-round in the city park, pushing myself along with the foot i have dangling over the edge as i contemplate my ongoing existential crisis where poverty keeps me from most of the steps of maslow's hierarchy of needs |
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Oct 5, 2019 03:06
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SardonicTyrant posted:I can believe this future. later, being questioned by police: "so you're saying you're stone-cold sober and not on any kind of opiate?" "does a fat dude like me usually stay fat when he's on drugs?" "well, you do look like a stoner." "...look, that's not the issue here." ---------------- |
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Oct 5, 2019 03:44
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woodward and bernstein texting pictures of tricky dick to people as a prank
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Oct 5, 2019 03:50
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got any sevens posted:woodward and bernstein texting pictures of tricky dick to people as a prank "so this 'tricky dick' picture you keep sending to people..." "yeah?" "well, you call it 'tricky dick' but it's very much a picture of a pig with a turd on his balls." ---------------- |
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Oct 5, 2019 04:05
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so you have probably heard of the paleo diet i am on the palamino diet i eat apples, carrots, oats and hay on cheat day i get a sugar cube |
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Oct 5, 2019 07:54
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i hung sketches of the french quarter in new orleans by my toilet, so that when i pee i feel i am doing it in a safe place |
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Oct 5, 2019 08:09
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HAVE I MENTIONED MY JOKJE ABOUT PEOPLE ON BICYCLES?!? its pretty much theyre on bicycles. *pedals away* |
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Oct 5, 2019 08:10
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imaginary local events for a non-existent town in tennessee on a fake cable community information channel: "due to a recent court order, mike fleenor will no longer open fleenor's tavern at the same operating hours as fleenor's tire and auto, located in the same building." "mayor jefford belton has suffered another accident, falling into a dumpster while promoting sneed's new recycling program. cards and flowers can be sent to his usual address at the clappord county hospital. but you might want to hold off as they still haven't cleaned out his hospital room from last week's accident involving the town's new fire truck." "mike stookstansbury would like everyone to know he will be performing his original music at the sneed vfw, october 22 from 7-10pm." "the members of the sneed vfw would like everyone to know they will be at fleenor's tavern during mike stookstansbury's performance." "don't forget! the annual possum festival is coming up! this year's possum festival beauty pagent will be hosted by mayor belton, subject to permission from his doctor and the absence of any rabid raccoons" "tom dooley would like to thank everyone for their thoughts and prayers as he recovered from his unfortunate farm accident that he insists had nothing to do with the explosion on his farm that the clappord county sheriff's department say resembled 'the kind of thing you'd see when a cap arm gets clogged on an illegal moonshine distillery.'" "tom dooley would like to apologize to his friends, saying that their thank you cards will be delayed by at least two weeks JOSH: DOOLEY SAID HE DIDN'T WANT THESE TWO ITEMS TO RUN TOGETHER. DOUBLE CHECK THIS-- I KNOW THIS CAME IN AT 4:55 ON FRIDAY BUT DON'T JUST COPY AND PASTE THEM INTO THE CG CRAWL HE WANTED THEM AT LEAST FIVE ITEMS APART --CJ" Gene Hackman Fan fucked around with this message at 20:28 on Oct 5, 2019 ---------------- |
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Oct 5, 2019 08:15
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i found my old piece-of-poo poo character generator and i wanted to see if i could remember how to make a news ticker with it. now i wanna make some fake local ads (like a portrait studio showing off examples of their work but they're all boards of canada album covers) and slap it all together
Gene Hackman Fan fucked around with this message at 08:41 on Oct 5, 2019 ---------------- |
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Oct 5, 2019 08:30
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Gene Hackman Fan posted:imaginary local events for a non-existent town in tennessee on a fake cable community information channel: After suffering a fall into the town junk pit, Mark Jungus of Jungus' Funguses will no longer be able oversee the Stork Valley Mycological Society Annual Puffball Parade, in which local children raid nearby hinterland in search of the largest puffball mushroom. In hopes of cheering him up, Saint Janny's Hospital outfitted their operating suite with a dirt floor speckled with samples of all of Mark's favourite fungal species, dubbing it the Operating Shroom. Unfortunately, Mark was maintained under a deep anesthesia during all surgical procedures and was unable to see their efforts before the room was thoroughly scrubbed clean due to the hospital being cited by the Medical Sterility Society of Upper Eastern Plains.
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Oct 5, 2019 12:53
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Gene Hackman Fan posted:imaginary local events for a non-existent town in tennessee on a fake cable community information channel: And now an interview with Nita Ann McCumbers, who witnessed yesterday's tragic hog escape near I-40 "Well y'see I was jes a sittin up in the kitchen cookin som aygs when I heard sich a squalin and a stampedin as you like to never heard. I run out on the porch and thats when I seen em. Like to must have beeyun two hunnert hawgs running out through the yard there-i'd have tried to herd em but I's just in my house coat y'see-and they was a runnin straight for the highway. I reckon they must'v smelled that dump on t'uther side of the road there and lord they was just a wantin to eat up that garbage I s'pose. Well anyhow they got up a good head of steam and I thought they was gonna make it till I seen three of them big tractor trailer's come up yonder over the ridge and start a comin down that grade and I sayud to maseylf 'Oh lord jesus em hogs is gone be sausage here in a minute' Well anyhow I's right about that and em trucks run into that swarm o' hawgs and lord you ain't never heard the like. I'd bout ruined my aygs comin out t'watch all that but I'll tell you I did scrounge me a nice ham of meat so that was some help.'
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Oct 5, 2019 13:49
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Tag line: Mike Dyson - putting the punch in vacuuming |
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Oct 7, 2019 05:15
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[redacted because maybe offensive]
TheShrike fucked around with this message at 05:42 on Oct 7, 2019 |
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Oct 7, 2019 05:31
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TheShrike posted:[redacted because maybe offensive] Make the thread |
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Oct 7, 2019 08:05
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sebmojo posted:Make the thread sebmojo posted:Make the thread
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Oct 7, 2019 09:42
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TheShrike posted:Tag line: based on this post i am guessing the joke had something to do with "dyke tyson" a lesbian boxer?
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Oct 7, 2019 11:59
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The flashback, when used with discretion, can add intensity to a scene where it would be difficult to do otherwise. It shows what the character is thinking and feeling in a moment, beyond what even the most skilled actor could portr- GRRR WOOF WOOFF WOOF WOOF Whose dog is this? Get this dog out of my yard! I am doing my writing! Go away dog! A common but egregious misuse of the flashback is when a character has already died and extended scenes from their life are shown, taking advantage of the pathos inheren- THBBBT THBT PLOP Hey, don't poop in my yard! You can't do that here! It smells awful. I can smell it from here. What is wrong with that dog? By choosing to tell the story in this way, the author has undermined the finality of death, eroding its significance and ultimately collapsing the very tension they intended to heig- CHOMP CHOMP No don't eat- RU RUROUU HUARRU GUH Whose dog is this? Now it has eaten poo poo and thrown it back up. But I'm trying to write here. I'm doing my important writing. |
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Oct 8, 2019 03:59
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i got spurs that jingle jangle jingle as i go riding merrily along and they sing "hey don't you want some pringles?" and that song ain't so very far from wrong ---------------- |
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Oct 8, 2019 08:09
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Something like that movie where everyone forgets about The Beatles except for one dude who has them all memorized or something and he becomes this huge music sensation except that everyone forgets something super basic like having to tie their shoes and this one person just has to run around endlessly tying everyone's shoes for them or they'll scrape their knees.
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Oct 8, 2019 08:15
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A political faction in Planet of the Apes that is insistent on the right of all apes to poo poo in their hand and fling it wildly. The Number Two Amendment. Harold Fjord fucked around with this message at 22:30 on Oct 8, 2019 |
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Oct 8, 2019 22:28
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I'd love to go down on my girlfriend, but I'm a skeleton, so. |
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Oct 10, 2019 03:08
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i dreamt of a good thread bt when i woke it was gone
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Oct 10, 2019 03:11
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Instead of a human narrating a dog character's inner thoughts you have a dog narrating a human character's thoughts. So you have a hard-boiled detective working a case and every so often the dialog pauses and there's a montage or a closeup of the protagonist's face, and all you can hear is a dog yapping. |
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Oct 10, 2019 03:22
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google THIS posted:Instead of a human narrating a dog character's inner thoughts you have a dog narrating a human character's thoughts. So you have a hard-boiled detective working a case and every so often the dialog pauses and there's a montage or a closeup of the protagonist's face, and all you can hear is a dog yapping. MASTER WANT A WOMAN SHE SMELL OF MEN MASTER HUNT KILLER MASTER FIND KILLER MASTER KILL KILLER MASTER GOOD MASTER STRONG
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Oct 10, 2019 03:23
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google THIS posted:Instead of a human narrating a dog character's inner thoughts you have a dog narrating a human character's thoughts. So you have a hard-boiled detective working a case and every so often the dialog pauses and there's a montage or a closeup of the protagonist's face, and all you can hear is a dog yapping. Bark bark bark! Grrrrr! BOWOWOWOWOWOWOWOW! AWOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! *Licks own crotch*
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Oct 10, 2019 03:28
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Heather Papps posted:MASTER WANT A WOMAN This is the next logical step, having a human narrate a dog narrating a human. But the world is not yet ready. |
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Oct 10, 2019 14:22
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A cartoon that's just a close up of my face while I struggle to poop. From angry to frustration to serenity and contentment. |
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Oct 10, 2019 17:52
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The zodiac killer but this time he just kills people who believe in the zodiac.
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Oct 11, 2019 01:11
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| # ? May 23, 2024 04:19 |
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Bumper stickers for pilots, on their planes: My copilot is my copilot If you can read this you’re flying too close I brake for turbulence |
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Oct 11, 2019 04:53
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