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Grizzwold
Jan 27, 2012

Posters off the pork bow!

Ibblebibble posted:

Someone's gonna have to link me the update with this Tse person because I have a memory like a sieve.

Tse was the first high priest of the reformed Bon faith, so this is kind of like finding St. Peter at a meeting of secret Jews.

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FrangibleCover
Jan 23, 2018

Nothing going on in my quiet corner of the Pacific.

This is the life. I'm just lying here in my hammock in Townsville, sipping a G&T.

Grizzwold posted:

Tse was the first high priest of the reformed Bon faith, so this is kind of like finding St. Peter at a meeting of secret Jews.
She also came up with the idea of a Bon holy war and used it against Buddhists, so the better analogy is finding St. Peter at a secret meeting of the Cult of Mars.

Ibblebibble
Nov 12, 2013

Okay, that loving owns. I love this game.

i81icu812
Dec 5, 2006

FrangibleCover posted:

She also came up with the idea of a Bon holy war and used it against Buddhists, so the better analogy is finding St. Peter at a secret meeting of the Cult of Mars.

She also reincarnated so that may be pretty convincing evidence these Buddhists have a point

habeasdorkus
Nov 3, 2013

Royalty is a continuous shitposting motion.
I loving told you guys about The Revenant Tse, but nobody listened to little old me. I'm serious, I'm moving to Aztlan before she turns our sweet, empty headed Empress into a goddamned maniac.

Kangxi
Nov 12, 2016

"Too paranoid for you?"
"Not me, paranoia's the garlic in life's kitchen, right, you can never have too much."
Chapter 37: 1175 to 1200 - Tsenmo Purgyal Pelmo II 'the Giving'

A dialogue with the Lönchen, Pakmodru Tse

Your Holy Presence, Head of our Tradition. Please allow me to introduce myself, and to wish you long life and many blessings, as befits your noble status and many beneficient holy deeds and words. I am Lady Dechen, and I've been sent from the Office of the Standardization of Beliefs and the Suppression of Delusions. I'd like to thank you for your assistance with the State Oracle.

I am grateful for your kind words. I am happy to hear that he is recovering. To what do I owe the pleasure of your visit?

To be candid about it, I have a series of questions about you and your life -- there are some lingering debates that we have not been able to address. Now that we can ask you these things, it will save us a lot of time.


Well. I suppose you have a lot of questions.


I myself have questions constantly. I've read the histories of Tibet. To be as candid as possible, I recognize little of the country that I once lived in.

What was once familiar is now strange. Great dynasties and kingdoms that I had once thought indestructible are now like grey dust. My former house is extinct. I see the face of my wife in murals and in statues and on the banners of the army, but not quite as she was. I read the stories of her... Some I recognize, some bits of conversation are familiar but told out of order. Some things about her I have never heard before. She has become something more than the woman I love.


But some occurrences were only too familiar. The living of life without correct morality - the intent to deceive, or to take life unjustly, or to live in an exploitative manner. Those evils, unfortunately, still remain.


I think -- I would prefer to think, though I cannot be certain -- that the number of my experiences have given me a broader historical view, and that it can lead me to acquire a more informed judgment. I will be happy to speak the truth to the best of my ability.


But my heart went out to hear of the continual suffering of others, and indeed of those who had attempted to seek a better life.

Thank you, your Holy Presence. What did you know about the previous Sacred Hierarch and his conduct in office?


Oh yes. The empress was informed of the previous occupant's foul and abusive behavior by the vassal king of Kamarupa -- [Don't you mean Assam, your Holy Presence?] -- yes, Assam, and she announced it. I feel no need to repeat the most disgusting details.


He was removed from office, and no one came to defend him or excuse his crimes.


And that was how I came to take his place.


This was... I don't recall the year. 1177 or 1178? Around the time that we heard that the Great Famine, which had lasted so many years and brought so much suffering to the Chinese people, had come to an end.


The Empress, I recall, was handling the business of monarchy as well as she could. I recall that she felt fatigued, but she insisted she felt no need to retreat.

What is your impression of the Empress' behavior?

With regards to...?

Her religious activities. Her attendance at worship. Her veneration of the gods. That kind of behavior.


Oh yes.


My understanding is that her approach to religious activities differs from her immediate predecessor; she has developed a more private and internal approach to faith and worship. Anything else must be considered with that background.


In outline, I believe she remains on the right path.

Excellent. Good to know, Your Holy Presence. As you know, some of the monastic heads are worried we've got a bit of a Buddhist problem again. We may even have to deal with a vassal king who is harboring them. But you see, with Buddhism and Tibet, it's like that story of the noble and her consorts. You see, she had four beautiful men in her household, and they were very good at - well you know what I mean, Your Holy Presence?

No.

I'm sorry. Perhaps this was not the right example. Well. She had four beautiful men in her house, and they kept fighting, filled with jealousy and petty conspiracy, and so she drove them out. And peace came to her life. The woman, you see, is Tibet. And the four beautiful men are the religions of the four cardinal directions - north, west, east, and south. They would infiltrate our great house and destroy it from the inside.

Who told you this story?

I don't remember, Your Presence.

Do you sincerely think this was an appropriate metaphor?

Please excuse me, Your Presence. If you know a better example, I'll use that.


Let me share one of my stories. This was an anecdote that the masters of the Dao had discussed among themselves as an exercise for their pupils. They told me the story of an old man who lived in the mountains. His horse wandered away into the lands of the nomads. And his neighbors lamented his misfortune. But he said, "How do we know?" Then his horse returned, bringing with it fine wild horses. His neighbors said, "How wonderful!" But he replied, "How do we know?" Then his son rides one of the wild horses and breaks his leg. Then his neighbors said "How terrible!" But again he said, "How do we know?" Then a war starts, all the neighboring children are drafted into the war and many then died, except for the old man's son, who stays home because of his broken leg.

So the lesson here is to be suspicious of unsolicited gifts.

The lesson is that we cannot easily foresee the consequences of events. This is not fate or predestination we are discussing.


If we had not begun the great southern conquest, Yasovarman the Great would not have begun his western campaign and overthrown the caliphate.


If he had not overthrown the western caliphate, he would not be at war with the Mongols over Persia. If he had not conquered Persia- do you understand my point?


If this conqueror, Khutulun Khatun, had not converted, then where would we be? I suspect the Mongols would have attacked us next. We cannot assume the permanence of any arrangement with our neighbors. In a time of strength or weakness, we must recall the need to commit correct actions and perform correct thoughts.

I see. Thank you for your insight, Your Holy Presence.


But to return to the conduct of Her Majesty the Empress. I believe she was in an ugly way with the stress of raising her children and the exertions of her office.

Ugly?

Upset, sad.

Oh yes.


Eventually, I believe that she was able to practice more effective ways of addressing the stresses of the world. She had developed a correct outlook.


She was better able to address those who would cast aspersions upon her or wish harm upon her.

Very good. Let's head to a different line of questioning, Your Presence. What is your opinion on the Holy War doctrine as it has been practiced? We've had a lot of trouble with interpreting it.


[She sighs. She folds her hands and spends almost a minute in silence. Her face contorts for a second.]

It is - it was. Something I wrote out of profound ignorance. If I knew then what I know now, I would not publish it as it was. I do not know what my wife would have thought... I wish we had better ways of addressing and resolving the wars within our own borders and to treat the people with more magnanimity. Life and death are so close to one another.

Of course. Life and death are not so far apart, as your existence proves. It should be easier, then, to motivate our troops to act without fear of dying since your life is proof of a return.

[Tse waits in silence.]


As you may or may not know, your presence, Lhasa was only taken once in the two centuries since your return. That was during a civil war -- over the deposal of the false empress Shonnu II and the victory of Ngawang I.


The thought of Lhasa sacked and all of its inhabitants suffering would be too horrible to contemplate.

One must always strive to prevent suffering.



The Buddhists, I'm told, have resolved to abstain from all violence. Well, in theory. We know what they really are, Your Presence.

And what do you think that is, Inquisitor?


Given to the same illusions and violence as they decry us for having. And the Buddha dies like everyone else.


I do not have that impression. I was informed that, in this belief system, people can become like Buddha. A goal to aspire for.


I haven't heard that. That's very good. But I've also heard them excuse the suffering of people by saying it's bad karma. It seems like the abdication of moral responsibility to me.

Is that so? It sounds like few people here even know what they're talking about.


Precisely! And after all, as Tibet continues to defeat its enemies, we must have very good karma! Hahaha.


But at least you are ready to see this wealth and glory used to benefit the people under our stewardship, Inquisitor.


Of course. And that is why we must be so vigilant in rooting out the enemies of the empire. Even the empress' father! It was such a scandal. But he had to die. He has disgraced the royal family. He admitted everything in public. We can't hide something like that for so long.

But please excuse me. What did the Empress say to you after all this? I had heard that the two of you conversed after that.

[She is again silent.]


The talk about her father was personal and I cannot discuss it. Expect the kind of things you would tell a child who has lost her parent. The bulk of our discussion concerned my role as Lönchen. There was a new empress of the Third Han, and they had taken a dramatic inward turn. We haven't seen any of their ambassadors for years, although trading caravans still pass through. I've never heard of anything like it.



Over the following weeks, there was also the matter of some legal reform and jurisprudential theory we had discussed, about giving the empress clearly defined powers on religious and civil matters. Many of these were projects that my wife had proposed but were not included in the early drafts of the Great Tibetan Code.


There was also the reorganization of land - the coastal area of Makran. This would be run by local leaders, including figures from the church, as it was too remote for us to demand their correspondence with us before making major decisions.


There is a minor matter, which I feel I should include. She also transferred several personal belongings which had her family retained over the centuries in my possession. I did not attach much sentimental value to them, so I had them donated - but I did accept with gratitude Rage. That is my wife's sword.

And why did you do that?


Because I was the target of rumors and suspicion in court. Many people tell each other that I am a secret Buddhist.

You- Ahahaha! You! A secret Buddhist! That's got to be the- Hahaha! Oh. That's very funny.

It's a relief to hear you feel that way. Surely you must have heard it.

Well, yes. Hahaha. Yes. We never investigated any of that.



You know I've been attacked several times. I've been in fifteen duels for my life.

Right. Yes. This is a serious matter. I think it has to be those Buddhists again.


So tell me about the Great Holy War. Why Persia?


To be brief, it concerned the nature of Sultan Umaya. He had recently conquered Persia in a campaign against the Mongols - perhaps the first serious defeat they had faced since the loss of China.
However, it was the nature of the threat that presented itself to me. He had committed multiple heinous crimes against innocent people, and that deserved our total censure. He did not hold to his commitments, he was amoral.


I was relieved to find so many people willing to join the campaign.


However, I read with dismay the reports of the vast armies and indeed the fearsome discipline of our opponents.


The 'Jerusalem Raj', as it is so often called, stretches from Persia in the east, to the Middle Sea in the west, and Egypt and Ethiopia in the south.


I had followed the army to the city of Kerman.


It was a fearsome moment. We were outnumbered dearly,


Though it was only our reinforcements that had saved us.


At that point, our armies were confident in victory.


I have little else to add that cannot be corroborated by others.


The great holy war was a success.


We found the name of the region, Jibal, and created a separate kingdom to rule. This was far beyond the ability of any of us in the court to administer directly


Nevertheless, I believe we have found a suitable member of the royal family to safeguard our western flank.


And the empire was more capable of handling its functions of governance. I wonder what my wife would say we'd do, but I found it very hard to predict what she would do next.


Marvelous. Truly marvelous. Excuse me for shifting from topic to topic here. I do enjoy getting to know what's on your mind. What do you think of the new Khatun? Her sister died so young.


I don't know Checheyigen Khatun personally, as I have not had the chance to correspond with her, but I have been reliably told of her upstanding moral character.

And what of the crown princess?


Certainly, she's a vigorous and energetic young woman. Though I do have my reservations.


Excuse me. And what about the religious schisms in the distant west? I've heard of the most bizarre rumors.

Well. I've heard that the church in the far west was built by a man who was clearly influenced by Buddhist beliefs. I've read through a partial translation of their holy book, but it is obvious there are many repeated elements. A sacred birth, the selection of a few disciples, the earth shakes when the prophet dies. Although there is a bit about this prophet's royal descent added to appeal to the locals. But what most convinced me is their treatment of death and resurrection. His followers once had a single organized church, like Bön, but that, I am told, has disintegrated.

Truly fascinating.


But please excuse me. The empress' daughter is off to be inducted into the Imperial Guard, and the ceremony for the incoming class is soon. I must be ready, I've got a cousin who's joining.

I will also attend. Thank you for your visit.

It was my honor, Your Holy Presence.


May Tibet remain prosperous.

[After the inquisitor is gone, Tse clasps a hand on her forehead and takes great heaving gasps of breath.]

Kangxi fucked around with this message at 18:09 on Oct 21, 2019

Ferrovanadium
Mar 22, 2013

APEX PREDATOR

-MOST AMMUNITION EXPENDED ON CIVILIANS 2015-PRESENT
-WORST KDR VS CIVILIANS 2015-PRESENT


Dumpo Dompu got a new job :3:

I wonder how long our important Buddhists here will go before getting caught?

Tulip
Jun 3, 2008

yeah thats pretty good


Now that was a fun update to read, hell yeah.

Deadmeat5150
Nov 21, 2005

OLD MAN YELLS AT CLAN
This has been one hell of a ride.

megane
Jun 20, 2008



Centuries from now, religious scholars are going to have fits.

Pacho
Jun 9, 2010
I hope an Eurasian-wide Buddhist uprising happens and sets up a cool new status quo for late CK / EU4. One of the things that dissapointed me the most about Pope LP was how the Yazidi organically took over Europe for the new Pope to crusade it back to Catholic dominance

MaxieSatan
Oct 19, 2017

critical support for anarchists

Pacho posted:

I hope an Eurasian-wide Buddhist uprising happens and sets up a cool new status quo for late CK / EU4. One of the things that dissapointed me the most about Pope LP was how the Yazidi organically took over Europe for the new Pope to crusade it back to Catholic dominance

Sadly, the secret cult mechanics are fairly limited in that respect - until you go public, most of what you can do is set up communities to auto-flip provinces later on.

That said, modded events, console fuckery, or just a significantly premature unmasking could all make things a bit... Hotter.

Kangxi
Nov 12, 2016

"Too paranoid for you?"
"Not me, paranoia's the garlic in life's kitchen, right, you can never have too much."
STATE OF THE WORLD - 1200



The latter half of the twelfth century saw across Eurasia consolidation and retrenchment of those vast multiethnic empires that were formed over the preceding decades. The years of relative quiet and prosperity allowed for some population growth and increases in agricultural yields and incomes. However, the unprecedented and total isolation of the Third Han Dynasty in the far east marked a dramatic shift in foreign relations, with its effects reverberating across the Mongolian and Tibetan empires to its west.


Empress Pelmo II ascended the throne of Tibet under the banner of the snow lion in the year 1168 after the premature death of her mother, Khrimalod. Once a headstrong and greedy figure, she has matured under the benevolent and moderating tutelage of the holy woman Tse, attested by many to be the reincarnation of one of the semi-divine founders of the restored Tibetan Empire. While she is cracking a little under the strain of overwork, she has gained a reputation as a charitable and diligent steward of her people.


Out of the many polities that once populated the Indian subcontinent, only one other retains its direct independence - the Kingdom of Lanka, ruled by the Maharani Jhotisena 'the Wise'. Her family has ruled the island for centuries. Though the armies of Tibet have crossed the Bridge of Rama and seized all of the north, their armies have not gone over to the south. It is perhaps divine intervention.


Far to the northwest, the Theocracy of Makran rules over a segment of Tibetan conquests west of the Hindu Kush. The archpriest Dompu, granted the territory in 1185, rules a sparsely populated area from the little coastal town of Ormara.


After multiple failed conquests, the Third Han Dynasty has finally reconquered what was once called the Guiyi Circuit in the Tang Dynasty. It now represents the very northwestern tip of the Third Han's conquests, and what they likely view as the barrier between their civilization and Tibetan or Mongolian barbarism.


Little is known of the elderly empress in Beijing, or her decision to isolate the empire from the rest of the world.


To their north and west, the great Checheyigen Khatun reigns over much of the former territory of the great Mongolian Empire. Her nomadic court spends much of its time near the town of Almaty near Lake Balkhash. She has gained a reputation as a fearsome persecutor of the old gods, although the troops on her southern flank fend off border clashes and raids with the Tibetan vassal kings of Kashmir and Nepal.


The Samanid Dynasty has clung with tenacity to its independence. Khan Saru rules much of the land south of the Aral Sea and east of the Caspian from the city of Khiva, which has retained a portion of its past splendor. The king himself, while admired for his tolerance of various faiths, is prone to long periods of melancholy.


In the far distant reaches of the Mongolian Empire, some khans have opportunistically split away from the central authority and set out to rule the lands on their own. Some, like Khagan Khabichi, who rules the northern coast of the Caspian, and Khagan Barghujin, who resides near the Urals, are renowned for their benevolence and their protection of all the peoples in their domain. Still others, like Khagan Aguchu, are new and untested.



After centuries of warfare, even with much of their prime grazing land seized, the Khazars are still independent. And even with a fraction of their territory remaining, they are still split into two distinct camps over the interpretation of religious law.


Purgyal Taknang, one of the youngest children of the vassal ruler of Devagiri, has found himself ruling much of Tibet's furthest conquests. He is an able and competent ruler, though one making do with few resources or immediate allies.


Though driven out of Persia proper, Sultan Muslihiddin retains a defensible position in the Caucasus mountains. He can claim direct descent from one of the great Mongolian khans, and is known as a formidable duelist.


To his immediate west, the Seljuks have crawled back from oblivion, with Badshah Sadiq ruling Baghdad, Elam, and Kermanshah as his own. At present, he is facing multiple revolts against his own oppressive rule, and his ally, the Sultan of Yemen, is under attack from the terrifying invaders of the Jerusalem Raj.


The boy-king of Yemen is facing an invasion from the north, and his future is in doubt.


The great Sultan of the Jerusalem Raj contemplates his next move. Persia was not as great a loss as to be expected-- but where to next, after Yemen falls? The rest of Ethiopia? Or west to Africa? Or enough to overthrow the Caliphate to his north? This part of the world is his. He is free of those who would seek to subjugate him - so he thinks.


Caliph Roger II's father died last year after an unfortunate head wound. His mother, the brilliant and conspiratorial Samira, rules for him, and is currently engaged in a war with the Mongolian occupiers of Byzantium.


Basileus Arkhai is a doughy young lad filled with naive hopes and expectations. He is overmatched by the responsibilities of his office, the lies of his subordinates, and likely the armies of the Sunni caliphate pouring over the Bosporus.


King Ljubomir rules over what was called Bavaria, Carinthia, and Bohemia. His family was Orthodox since his grandmother Volkinja 'the Butcher' converted and demanded all of her associates did as well. They are a safeguard for the Byzantine's north flank and a major player in continental Europe.


The strategic alliance between the Kingdom of Germany and the Duchy of Ferrara has failed with the disintegration of the latter after a succession of wars with the Carantanians and the Aztecs. A few smaller states have sprung up in its place, including smaller states that have completely flouted the authority of the Catholic Church and are led by peasant families.


These 'Cathars', as they are called, eschew a formal religious hierarchy. They believe in the reincarnation of souls as human spirits were the sexless spirits of angels trapped in a corrupt material realm. Their church is not as established or widespread as the Catholic Church once was, but they are the strongest candidate for what an alternate version of the faith now resembles.


After centuries in exile, the Pope has finally reclaimed the city of Rome from the Great Western Invaders. Yet the golden fruits of victory have turned to ash in his mouth. The authority of his church is broken, perhaps forever. The basilica sits empty.


King Arnold II von Hagen rules from Würzburg after the death of his father, King Sigismund 'the Bitten'. Germany stretches from Lake Como to Oldenburg, though it is hemmed in from Norse rulers to its west and north, and Orthodox kings all along its east.


The Fylkja Gyða has presided over the great Scandinavian Empire for fifty years. She has shown little initiative in enhancing the power of her empire, instead preferring to let the vassals do the work themselves. Some nobles have complained of opportunities lost, though few did anything about it until she was challenged by a claimant, Ingebjörg, for the right to the throne. Her reign's survival is far from guaranteed.


To Scandinavia's southeast, the Kingdom of Lithuania appears to be the clear winner of the long wars between the former and Novgorod. Queen Rogneda 'the Confessor', a convert to Orthodoxy, rules a state that stretches from the Vistula to the Lake Ladoga.


In the distant corner of the Lithuanian Kingdom, Polish nobles still reign.


To her east is the Chiefdom of Tver, one of the strongest remaining Slavic-pagan states.


To the south are Orthodox Khazars, ruling the lands around the trading town of Kiev.


King Ottarr of Novgorod pays extensive tribute to one of the Mongolian khanates.


Heading back west, the Jomsvikings now are the major power in the Rhine river valley after the destruction of their Catholic counterparts by a Scandinavian expedition. King Gnupa of Rogaland, despite his uncharitable nickname, has proven himself to be a capable leader and one of the very few men trusted with that degree of authority.


To his west is the Norse kingdom of France, ruled by Queen Amelie Axayacatl, daughter of Queen Gunhilda. The Great Western Invaders have suffered a near-total collapse of their empire, retaining only the city of Paris and the island-fortress of Venice, but the French-Norse still are fiercely loyal to the Westerners, bound by intermarriage and sworn oaths. The French have reclaimed the coast of the Mediterranean after wars with the broken successor states of the Umayyads, and may either finish those off or move into Italy.


To their north, almost all of the nobles of the impoverished and war-ravaged British Isles swear loyalty to either the rebellious Queen of Scotland, Freyja II, or are loyalists to the Fylkja in Uppland. The one independent ruler, Queen Ealhswith 'the Good for Nothing', rules a hedonistic court, enriching herself off of the fat of the peasants.


Heading south, we find Empress Yasmin of the Umayyads fighting multiple noble rebellions to prevent her kingdom from being divided even further. A brilliant and ambitious imam, Hussayn, rules for her at this young age.


The southern part of Iberia is ruled by Sultan Sami Farukid. He is particular and obsessive about the details of his legal system and jurisprudence, though he has little appetite for much else.


To their southeast are the Berbers, who rule much of the north African coast, Sicily, Malta, and Piedmont. They also command one of the few profitable trade routes to sub-Saharan Africa.


Mansa Missi-Izé, despite his reputation for promiscuity, is the clear regional power of this part of the world. The collapse of Yatenga into a dozen warring fiefdoms has had little spillover into his beloved Mali. He faces another rebellion from a most unlikely source - the mad Kassa 'the Tenacious'.

Jossar
Apr 2, 2018

Current status: Angry about subs :argh:
The further west you go, the messier it gets.

kw0134
Apr 19, 2003

I buy feet pics🍆

Oh no, not Caliph Gilbert :ohdear:

MaxieSatan
Oct 19, 2017

critical support for anarchists
Italy carrying on the legacy of the English Peasant States! Good for them.

i81icu812
Dec 5, 2006
...so the current heads of the three largest empires on the map are all simultaneously secret Buddhists

Pacho
Jun 9, 2010
Headcanon/Idea for how a potential EU4 scenario might go: The reason the Norse Queen of France is loyal to the Aztec Empire because the Aztec hire loads of norse mercenaries for their forever wars. The status of the French Queendom at the end of CK2 could inform the situation in Central America at the start of EU4

Tulip
Jun 3, 2008

yeah thats pretty good


Kangxi posted:

But please excuse me. The empress' daughter is off to be inducted into the Imperial Guard, and the ceremony for the incoming class is soon. I must be ready, I've got a cousin who's joining.

I will also attend. Thank you for your visit.

It was my honor, Your Holy Presence.


May Tibet remain prosperous.

[After the inquisitor is gone, Tse clasps a hand on her forehead and takes great heaving gasps of breath.]

It was bugging me but:

this update in particular reminds me of JY Yang. So uh, that's awesome.

Dance Officer
May 4, 2017

It would be awesome if we could dance!
I probably wouldn't convert to EU4 at this rate. Well, maybe to bully China. A united India is much stronger than China in EU4, and can easily conquer all of Asia if it wants to.

Robindaybird
Aug 21, 2007

Neat. Sweet. Petite.

god, you'd have to do so much work to get this stuff to convert to EU4

habeasdorkus
Nov 3, 2013

Royalty is a continuous shitposting motion.

Kangxi posted:




You know I've been attacked several times. I've been in fifteen duels for my life.

I'VE SENT 15 OF MY BEST TO KILL HER, AND YET SHE LIVES! SANGPO BUMTRI SAVE US!

Rody One Half
Feb 18, 2011

AND WHY IS THE CALIPH FRENCH NOW?

V. Illych L.
Apr 11, 2008

ASK ME ABOUT LUMBER

Rody One Half posted:

AND WHY IS THE CALIPH FRENCH NOW?

iznogoud finally succeeded in his grand ambition

frankenfreak
Feb 16, 2007

I SCORED 85% ON A QUIZ ABOUT MONDAY NIGHT RAW AND ALL I GOT WAS THIS LOUSY TEXT

#bastionboogerbrigade

V. Illych L. posted:

iznogoud finally succeeded in his grand ambition
Nestpasbon

Kangxi
Nov 12, 2016

"Too paranoid for you?"
"Not me, paranoia's the garlic in life's kitchen, right, you can never have too much."

Robindaybird posted:

god, you'd have to do so much work to get this stuff to convert to EU4

I've already started experimenting with the Clausewitz Scenario editor and the EU4 converter but I have to tell you all this will take some time. The map keeps changing dramatically between SOTW updates, as you've all noticed, so there's only so much I can do ahead of time.

I've consulted a few other people who've made conversion mods so this isn't completely impossible. I will also ask for input on some of the other parts of the world to make things interesting and also to keep the thread alive. I have not forgotten about the giant sloths.

Rody One Half posted:

AND WHY IS THE CALIPH FRENCH NOW?

They're related to the Nubian-Hashemite dynasty, except that a while back one guy married a prominent French Sunni noblewoman, Euphrosine Le Tellier. They have her surname now but they all still have the Sayyid trait.

Tulip posted:

It was bugging me but:

this update in particular reminds me of JY Yang. So uh, that's awesome.

Thanks! I'm a fan of their work. I was not actively thinking of anything from the Tensorate series but I stole from was influenced by other things.

Expect a brief update later this week.

Kangxi
Nov 12, 2016

"Too paranoid for you?"
"Not me, paranoia's the garlic in life's kitchen, right, you can never have too much."
Intermission

You have been summoned to Lhasa on an urgent matter. The Lönchen had sent a letter and ordered you and three of your fellow guards (listed by name!) to fetch someone from the countryside.

While you're not as young as you used to be, you still enjoy the feeling of travel. You've had enough of staying in one place too long. Even that bum knee that has been bothering you since Persia isn't feeling that bad. But your task was simple. Go get somebody who lives not far from the palace in Lhasa. Your charge, an older man with a shaved head only nodded when asked his name. "You've found me," he said with an air of finality. "Well, get it over with."

You assure him that you've only been told to bring him to a place in Lhasa and you would do him no harm. He looks at you with skepticism, tilting his head like a chicken's, but then he agrees to go with you. The Mongolians don't need to say anything.



On your way back to Lhasa, you see an armed guard preparing to execute a few captured criminals. The Bön priest says a few words of benediction over the condemned, and the crowd is expectant and cheerful. Your passenger says nothing.

You enter the palace easily, and you are quickly escorted to the inner chambers and the residence of the empress. The Lönchen, with a look of quiet serenity on her face, is waiting. Is that really her? She looks unchanged ever since you found her near the southern temple. It had to have been, what, over thirty years? And she looks almost identical to when you found her. You'd need to find out her skin routine and what hair dye she's using.

She glides over to you and you exchange the usual greetings. She then greets your passenger, who looks at her with skepticism. "I won't give up anything," he says. "You won't make an example of me." You don't really know what any of this is about. The Lönchen raises a hand to silence him and only asks that he, and your guards, go to the inner chambers of the empress. You blurt out, "I'm heading with them. It's my responsibility."

The Lönchen looks at you, her eyebrows raised for a second with a hint of surprise. "Then go with us," she says. You follow your men to the inner chamber, with fewer and fewer ministers and chambermaids, and then you step into the empress' quarters.


The empress is lying in her bed. Her younger sister was tending to her. She is feverish, sweating, shivering. Her breathing is rapid and shallow. Her face is pale and mottled. She looks around the room with visible confusion. You spontaneously fall to your knees, and the Imperial Guardsmen with you cover their mouths.

"Venerable Rinchen," Tse says. "I appreciate your haste. The empress is dying. We must make her comfortable." He looks at you, and then the Lönchen, in a state of total shock. He points his fingers and loses his composure completely, saying "You--- you---".

"Venerable Rinchen," she says again in a low calm voice, to steady him. "We must make her comfortable." He remembers himself and then sets about his business. She continues, "I would have told you ahead of time, but you know we must be discreet." You don't know what's going on, and only stand back. The empress gestures to a steaming hot cup of butter tea, offering it as a gift to the lama. They all recite a set of phrases that you do not understand.

It is a few hours, but you stand transfixed and do not feel so much like an intruder so much as a passive observer. The empress's look of fear lingers, and she leans back with a sigh.


The empress lets out a low rattling breath. You can almost see the life go out of her eyes. The old man ties something to her wrist and presses something into her hand. You think about the men you saw outside earlier today.

Tse turns to you and leans in close in a gesture of confidentiality. "Guardswoman," she says, and you instantly snap to attention, "Please inform the empress' daughter, Pongza, immediately. She must be made ready."

Pongza. You know that Pongza from the guard. Your face feels hot and you feel a trickle of sweat run down your side. You clasp your hands together in salute and make your leave of the empress, the Lonchen, and those closest to her. They must now say their prayers.

Pongza. Of all people...


Whatever happens next, you feel oddly at peace. You have your training. You can live through what is next.

Kangxi fucked around with this message at 04:52 on Oct 23, 2019

Lord Cyrahzax
Oct 11, 2012

the bon gods have sent our liberator

MaxieSatan
Oct 19, 2017

critical support for anarchists

Lord Cyrahzax posted:

the bon gods have sent our liberator

ThatBasqueGuy
Feb 14, 2013

someone introduce jojo to lazyb


Lord Cyrahzax posted:

the bon gods have sent our liberator

Luhood
Nov 13, 2012

Lord Cyrahzax posted:

the bon gods have sent our liberator

habeasdorkus
Nov 3, 2013

Royalty is a continuous shitposting motion.
Oh yeah, an Ambitious, Diligent, Just, and Lunatic leader. Pity she's not blood of the wolf... yet. We can help the Buddhist devils with their next re-incarnation by devouring them!

FrangibleCover
Jan 23, 2018

Nothing going on in my quiet corner of the Pacific.

This is the life. I'm just lying here in my hammock in Townsville, sipping a G&T.
Look at that stat block! If she's insane I hope she bites some of our heirs.

Deadmeat5150
Nov 21, 2005

OLD MAN YELLS AT CLAN
What is the top attribute again?

Luhood
Nov 13, 2012

Deadmeat5150 posted:

What is the top attribute again?

The blue one? Diplomacy

paragon1
Nov 22, 2010

FULL COMMUNISM NOW
There's got to be some weird as hel syncretism going on between the Norse and Aztecs.

Deadmeat5150
Nov 21, 2005

OLD MAN YELLS AT CLAN

Luhood posted:

The blue one? Diplomacy

So we have one hell of a Face here. She can talk her way out of anything she can't immediately stab in the back.

MaxieSatan
Oct 19, 2017

critical support for anarchists

paragon1 posted:

There's got to be some weird as hel syncretism going on between the Norse and Aztecs.

It's very simple: With Ragnarok, the forces of frost and wilderness were ascendant, but then the New Sun and his champions (who harnessed the power of the wilds but maintained human form and virtue) came from the sacred land of Vestalfheim to restore order to Midgard.

And if anyone suggests otherwise they have pyres for that.

habeasdorkus
Nov 3, 2013

Royalty is a continuous shitposting motion.

paragon1 posted:

There's got to be some weird as hel syncretism going on between the Norse and Aztecs.

Oh. The sacrifices to Norse/Mesoamerican gods are gonna be even more awful than what happened in real life.

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habeasdorkus
Nov 3, 2013

Royalty is a continuous shitposting motion.

Deadmeat5150 posted:

So we have one hell of a Face here. She can talk her way out of anything she can't immediately stab in the back.

She's also got a reasonable personal combat score. The only thing that concerns me is that she's also got the "frail" attribute- we need to get her on the road to swole for the health bonus ASAP.

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