Terrible Awful Games: it's either bees and porn or crypto and NFTs

The Something Awful Forums > Discussion > Video Games > Terrible Awful Games: it's either bees and porn or crypto and NFTs

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Jamfrost: Jul 20, 2013; I'm too busy thinkin' about my baby. Oh I ain't got time for nothin' else.; Slime TrainerS

Amazing graphics: https://store.steampowered.com/app/1089100/Power_Block/

# ? Nov 3, 2019 06:53

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# ? May 17, 2024 21:14

Shoehead: Sep 28, 2005; Wassup, Choom?
Ya need sumthin'?

Being able to cut yourself in a video game sets my teeth on edge.

# ? Nov 3, 2019 13:03

ultrafilter: Aug 23, 2007; It's okay if you have any questions.

Jamfrost posted:

Amazing graphics: https://store.steampowered.com/app/1089100/Power_Block/

quote:

MATURE CONTENT DESCRIPTION
The developers describe the content like this:

This game does include the use of strong, mature language.

Somehow I think that only one of those adjectives is actually right.

# ? Nov 3, 2019 16:06

Palpek: Dec 27, 2008; Do you feel it, Zach?
My coffee warned me about it.

Please God, let Mario Kart come to PC one day.

*Monkey's paw curls*

# ? Nov 7, 2019 08:36

Jamfrost: Jul 20, 2013; I'm too busy thinkin' about my baby. Oh I ain't got time for nothin' else.; Slime TrainerS

Palpek posted:

Please God, let Mario Kart come to PC one day.

*Monkey's paw curls*

The reviews are quite good.

# ? Nov 7, 2019 08:44

Palpek: Dec 27, 2008; Do you feel it, Zach?
My coffee warned me about it.

Jamfrost posted:

The reviews are quite good.

Looks like it

# ? Nov 7, 2019 08:50

Hwurmp: May 20, 2005

irony will be the death of us all

# ? Nov 7, 2019 10:55

Fur20: Nov 14, 2007; すご▞い！
君は働か░い
フ▙▓ズなんだね！

Hwurmp posted:

irony will be the death of us all

the thing about people who want to ♥♥♥♥ garfield is that they're rarely being ironic

# ? Nov 7, 2019 11:46

Pastry of the Year: Apr 12, 2013

Palpek posted:

Please God, let Mario Kart come to PC one day.

*Monkey's paw curls*

I can't get over how neotenous Garfield looks in the title graphic. He looks like Nermal with an orange coat of paint.

Maybe Garfield Kart - Furious Racing takes place before he reaches his canonical surly adulthood.

# ? Nov 7, 2019 12:13

Lodin: Jul 31, 2003; by Fluffdaddy

Still looks better than whatever the hell this is. Far as I can tell the kid is a Youtube superstar who now has his own game.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GgOdS_ZwC6k
https://store.steampowered.com/app/1054990/Race_With_Ryan/

# ? Nov 7, 2019 12:40

Doc Hawkins: Jun 15, 2010; Dashing? But I'm not even moving!

Palpek posted:

Looks like it

this game takes people on a journey

quote:

07/27/1978
When I was 18... 18 years old, I saw for the first time in my life... I saw an image of clarity. I saw a comic strip... a three panel comic strip that, though simple as it seemed, changed me... changed my being, changed who I am... Made me who I am...
Enlightened me...
The strip, Garfield, the comic strip was new... no more than maybe a month and a half since inception, since... since coming into existence... and there it was before me in print, I saw it... a comic strip... What was it called?
Garfield.
The story here is of a man, a plain man. He is Jon, but he is more than that... I will get to this later, but first let us say that he's Jon, a plain man.
And then there is a cat... Garfield.
This is the nature of the world, here. When I see the world, the politics, the future, the... the satellites in space, and... the people who put them there...
You can look at everything as a man and a cat... two beings, in harmony and at war...
So, this strip I saw; this man, Jon, and the cat, Garfield, you see...
Yes... hmm...
It is about everything. This... little comic is, oh, lo and behold... not so little anymore.
So yes, when I was 18, I saw this comic... and it hit me all at once, its power. I clipped it, and every day, I looked at it, and I said "Okay... let me look at this here. What is this doing to me? Why is this so powerful?"
Jon Arbuckle, he sits here, legs crossed... comfortable in his home, and he reads his newspaper... The news of the world, perhaps... and then he extends his fingers lightly, delicately... he taps his fingers on an end table, and he feels for something...
What is it? It is something he needs, but it is not there.
And then he looks up, slightly cockeyed, and he thinks... His newspaper's in his lap now, and he thinks this...
Now where could my pipe be?
This... I always come to this, because I was a young man... I'm older now, and I still don't have the secrets, the answers, so this question still rings true, Jon looks up and he thinks...
Now where could my pipe be?
And then it happens... You see it, you see... it's almost like divine intervention, suddenly it is there, and it overpowers you...
A cat is smoking a pipe.
It is the man's pipe, it's Jon's pipe, but the cat... this cat, Garfield, is smoking the pipe... and from afar, and someplace near, but not clear... near but not clear... The man calls out... Jon calls out, he is shocked. "Garfield!" he shouts.
Garfield. The cat's name.
But, let's take a step back... let us examine this from all sides, all perspectives... and when I first came across this comic strip, I was at my father's house... a newspaper had arrived, and I picked it up for him, and brought it inside.
I organized its sections for him and then, yes, the comic strip section fell out from somewhere in the middle, and landed on the kitchen floor... I picked up the paper pages and saw, up somewhere near the top of this strip... just like Jon, I was wearing an aquamarine shirt.
So I thought, "Ah, interesting. I'll have to see this later." I snipped out the little comic, and held on to it... and five days later, I reexamined it... and it gripped me, I needed to find out more about this. The information I had was minimal, but enough...
An orange cat named Garfield...
Okay, that seemed to be the lynchpin of this whole operation, yes. Another clue... a signature in the bottom right corner, a man's name...
Jim Davis.
Yes, I'm on to it for sure.
So... one: Garfield, orange cat, and two: Jim Davis, the creator of this cat...
And that curiously plain man.
I did not know, at the time, that his name was Jon. This strip, you see, had no mention of this man's name, and I'd never seen it before.
But I had these clues; Jim Davis, Garfield.
And then I saw more, I spotted the tiny copyright mark in the upper left corner. Copyright 1978 to... what is this? Copyright belongs to a... PAWS Incorporated...
I use the local library and mail services to track down the information I was looking for...
Jim Davis, a cartoonist, had created a comic strip about a cat, Garfield... and a man, Jon Arbuckle. Well, from that point on, I made sure I read the Garfield comic strips, though as I read each one, as each day passed... the strips seemed to resonate with me less and less...
I sent letters to PAWS Incorporated, long letters, pages upon pages... asking if Mister Jim Davis could somehow publish just the one comic, over and over again... "It would be meditative," I wrote, "the strength of that."
Could you imagine?
But... no response... The strips lost their power, and eventually I stopped reading, but... I did not want my perceptions diluted, so I vowed to read the pipe strip over and over again... That is what I call it, "The Pipe Strip."
The Pipe Strip.
Everything about it is perfect. I can only describe it as a miracle creation, something came together... the elements aligned... It is like the comets, the cosmic orchestra that is up there over your head... The immense, enormous void is working all for one thing, to tell you one thing...
Gas and rock, and purity, and nothing.
I will say this... When I see the pipe strip... and I mean every single time I look at the lines, the colors, the shapes that make up the three panel comic...
I see perfection.
Do I find perfection in many things?
Some things, I would say... Some things are perfect... and this is one of them. I can look at the little tuft of hair on Jon Arbuckle's head... it is the perfect shade... The purple pipe in Garfield's mouth... How could a mere mortal even MAKE this?
I have a theory, about Jim Davis...
After copious research and, yes, of course, now we have the internet, and this information is all readily available, but...
Jim Davis, he used his life experiences to influence his comic...
Like I mentioned before, none of them seem to have the weight of the pipe strip... But you have to wonder about the man who is able to even, just once, create the perfect form, a literally flawless execution of art, brilliance! Just as in a ward... I think there is a spiritual element at work...
I've seen my share of bad times and... when you have something... Well, it's just... emotions, and neurons in your brain, but... something tells you that it's the truth...
Truth's radiant light.
Garfield, the cat? Neurons in my brain, it's... it's harmony, you see? It... Jon and Garfield, it's truly harmony, like a... continuous, looping, everlasting harmony... The lavender chair, the brown end table, the salmon-colored wall, the fore's green carpeting, Garfield is hunched, perched... perhaps with the pipe stuck firmly between his jowls... His tail curls around. It's more than shapes too, because... I...
Okay, stay with me... I've done this experiment several times.
You take the strip. You trace only the basic elements. You can do anything, you can simplify the shapes down to just... blobs, just outlines, but it still makes sense...
You can replace the blobs with magazine cutouts of other things, replace Jon Arbuckle with a... car parked in a driveway sideways, cut that out of a magazine, stick it in... Replace him there in the second panel with a... a food processor... Okay, and then we put a picture of the planet in the third panel over Garfield...
It still works.
These are universal proportions. I don't know... how best to explain why it works, I've studied the pipe strip, and analyzed Jon and Garfield's proportions against several universal mathematical constants.
E, Pi, the Golden Ratio, the Feigenbaum Constants, and so on... and it's surprising... scary even, how things align. You can take just... tiny pieces of the pipe strip, for instance, take Jon's elbow from the second panel... and take that, and project it back over Jon's entire shape in the second panel, and you'll see a near perfect Fibonacci sequence emerge...
It's eerie to me... and it makes you wonder if you're in the presence of a deity, if there is some larger hand at work...

# ? Nov 7, 2019 13:27

Pastry of the Year: Apr 12, 2013

Lodin posted:

Still looks better than whatever the hell this is. Far as I can tell the kid is a Youtube superstar who now has his own game.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GgOdS_ZwC6k
https://store.steampowered.com/app/1054990/Race_With_Ryan/

Sleeveless posted:

Context is that this is from the game Race With Ryan, which is a kart racer whose license is an insanely popular childrens YouTuber who goes by the handle Ryan ToysReview. His character model is the one being ripped, so this is ostensibly a portrayal of a real living seven year-old boy.

https://twitter.com/TiniestTurtles/status/1190415712977932288

https://twitter.com/TiniestTurtles/status/1190432300149985280

# ? Nov 7, 2019 13:46

Dark_Swordmaster: Oct 31, 2011

I feel this is the perfect time to introduce you all to something amazing.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NAh9oLs67Cw

# ? Nov 7, 2019 13:52

The MSJ: May 17, 2010

Lodin posted:

Still looks better than whatever the hell this is. Far as I can tell the kid is a Youtube superstar who now has his own game.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GgOdS_ZwC6k
https://store.steampowered.com/app/1054990/Race_With_Ryan/

Ryan is in fact one of the highest paid YouTube personalities ever.

I guess this is inevitable if PewDiePie has his own game.

# ? Nov 7, 2019 13:54

ultrafilter: Aug 23, 2007; It's okay if you have any questions.

The first Garfield Kart isn't that bad. It's not going to win any awards for being innovative or fresh, but for what it is it's pretty solid.

# ? Nov 7, 2019 16:01

The Bee: Nov 25, 2012; Making his way to the ring . . .
from Deep in the Jungle . . .

The Big Monkey!

ultrafilter posted:

The first Garfield Kart isn't that bad. It's not going to win any awards for being innovative or fresh, but for what it is it's pretty solid.

At this point, what would be the best way to really innovate on a kart racer?

# ? Nov 7, 2019 16:05

Call Your Grandma: Jan 17, 2010

The Bee posted:

At this point, what would be the best way to really innovate on a kart racer?

roguelike/metroidvania

# ? Nov 7, 2019 16:17

lets hang out: Jan 10, 2015

Diddy Kong Racing was the kart metroidvania

# ? Nov 7, 2019 16:21

Fil5000: Jun 23, 2003; HOLD ON GUYS I'M POSTING ABOUT INTERNET ROBOTS

The Bee posted:

At this point, what would be the best way to really innovate on a kart racer?

Make it into an AR experience that pops up randomly when you're driving your actual car

# ? Nov 7, 2019 16:25

Call Your Grandma: Jan 17, 2010

bullethell too

# ? Nov 7, 2019 16:27

silentsnack: Mar 19, 2009; Donald John Trump (born June 14, 1946) is the 45th and current President of the United States. Before entering politics, he was a businessman and television personality.

The Bee posted:

At this point, what would be the best way to really innovate on a kart racer?

Alternate VR input peripheral that uses the movements of your rear end to shift your vehicle's center-of-mass for cornering/friction control. IoT Teledildonics Vulnerabilities optional.

silentsnack fucked around with this message at 16:48 on Nov 7, 2019

# ? Nov 7, 2019 16:45

Palpek: Dec 27, 2008; Do you feel it, Zach?
My coffee warned me about it.

What if I told you that somebody made a Dark Souls clone and called it Vicious Gambling Agreement?

quote:

Vicious Gambling Agreement,Dark and fantastic style,The difficulty has a degree of challenge,evil open punishing system to players in the fighting.It is subject to relying on weapons and fighting with many BOSS many times and then approaching to evil step by step and challenge the world governed by evil.

quote:

[Story background]
In old centuries, Orcs lived with human beings harmoniously in the world imbued with disorders, and they stayed long with each other under any circumstances of pleasure, sadness or anger.

However, an incidence happened and led to the collapse of the world; the divine lights radiated from the heaven and black smoke roared on ground. Such wonderful scene has never been seen by anyone occurred, when raged yelling from all sides and various fighting voices, arms hitting voice and desperate calls mixed together. Blood light dyed all over the world and the world was being changed by a power. Orcs and human beings were infected, swallowed and wondered around after fight at a closed quarters. The only idea is pursuing power.

The angels govern the world since a long time and caused their ignorance to the power of evil who had arranged a firm net covering all sides.

Angels were lured by evil as their ignorance and trapped by evil tricks, agreed the gambling agreement.

A soldier consistently fight in the war can not only keep calm but gained strong power, he didn�t know what he can do in this desperate world and what to do next except struggling, but a mysterious force continuously pioneered him forward.

# ? Nov 7, 2019 18:59

AngryRobotsInc: Aug 2, 2011

It's been a while since I played any Dark Souls game, but some of those textures are just straight lifted from them, aren't they?

# ? Nov 7, 2019 19:26

Too Shy Guy: Jun 14, 2003; I have destroyed more of your kind than I can count.

I want to play whatever game that monster in the third screenshot is from.

Assuming it's not a very high-quality Unity store asset.

# ? Nov 7, 2019 20:26

kirbysuperstar: Nov 11, 2012; Let the fools who stand before us be destroyed by the power you and I possess.

The Bee posted:

At this point, what would be the best way to really innovate on a kart racer?

Track changes between laps like in Sonic Transformed

# ? Nov 7, 2019 22:23

bbcisdabomb: Jan 15, 2008; SHEESH

The Bee posted:

At this point, what would be the best way to really innovate on a kart racer?

Literally just make Split/Second 2.

# ? Nov 7, 2019 22:54

SIDS Vicious: Jan 1, 1970

Too Shy Guy posted:

I want to play whatever game that monster in the third screenshot is from.

Assuming it's not a very high-quality Unity store asset.

I'm pretty sure it's just Nito from Dark Souls

# ? Nov 8, 2019 00:12

The MSJ: May 17, 2010

Palpek posted:

What if I told you that somebody made a Dark Souls clone and called it Vicious Gambling Agreement?

Is the gambling agreement "you must do whatever you can to pay back the money you borrowed from me and gambled away, including making a Steam game with stolen assets"?

kirbysuperstar posted:

Track changes between laps like in Sonic Transformed

Yeah, Sonic Transformed and the sequel actually did some new stuff with the genre.

# ? Nov 8, 2019 00:23

Pastry of the Year: Apr 12, 2013

kirbysuperstar posted:

Track changes between laps like in Sonic Transformed

Sonic Transformed was one of those games where I've been a casual fan of the genre for a long time and after my first play session, I was like "that's it, everything from here is going to have to settle for being a variation on this."

I don't think I'm gonna get the Garfield Kart games, but if they'd made Garfield DLC for Sonic Transformed, well.

# ? Nov 8, 2019 00:24

Nettle Soup: Jan 30, 2010; Oh, and Jones was there too.

Dark_Swordmaster posted:

I feel this is the perfect time to introduce you all to something amazing.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NAh9oLs67Cw

My life is better for this.

# ? Nov 8, 2019 03:55

Jamfrost: Jul 20, 2013; I'm too busy thinkin' about my baby. Oh I ain't got time for nothin' else.; Slime TrainerS

https://store.steampowered.com/app/833530/Make_Zombies_Great_Again/

I recommend the character trailer.

# ? Nov 8, 2019 08:18

Glagha: Oct 13, 2008; AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA
AAAAAAaaAAAaaAAaAA
AAAAAAAaAAAAAaaAAA
AAAA
AaAAaaA
AAaaAAAAaaaAAAAAAA
AaaAaaAAAaaaaaAA

I can't watch that. I can't.

# ? Nov 8, 2019 14:05

OwlFancier: Aug 22, 2013

https://store.steampowered.com/app/1172940/Cockwork_Industries_Complete/

I can't fault the marketing, I clicked just because I wanted to know if it was a typo or not.

Cockwork Industries Complete is an erotic adventure game where you play as Dwayne, winner of the Willy Wanker's Golden Ticket, invited to attend the mysterious event that's about to take place in the infamous science facility - Cockwork Industries.

Learn the mysteries of Cockwork Industries and romance its steaming-hot employees in this thrilling tale of sex, science, deception and panda plushies!

# ? Nov 8, 2019 16:59

SHY NUDIST GRRL: Feb 15, 2011; Communism will help more white people than anyone else. Any equal measures unfairly provide less to minority populations just because there's less of them. Democracy is truly the tyranny of the mob.

kirbysuperstar posted:

Track changes between laps like in Sonic Transformed

Also have the Samba Studios song. That's as good as it gets

# ? Nov 8, 2019 17:55

Palpek: Dec 27, 2008; Do you feel it, Zach?
My coffee warned me about it.

BEARS, VODKA, BALALAIKA! 🐻 - The year is 1941. You play as russian soldier in times of nazis occupation.

Soviet Bear Uni Adventure- Soviet Bear is on his daily commute to the circus, and it ain't easy.

Both released on the same day.

# ? Nov 8, 2019 18:01

Rotten Red Rod: Mar 5, 2002

Jamfrost posted:

https://store.steampowered.com/app/833530/Make_Zombies_Great_Again/

I recommend the character trailer.

I don't get it. The joke is that Butch is insulted when people call Pedro a gardener? Why is that so funny to the creator?

# ? Nov 8, 2019 18:07

doctorfrog: Mar 14, 2007; Great.

Palpek posted:

BEARS, VODKA, BALALAIKA! 🐻 - The year is 1941. You play as russian soldier in times of nazis occupation.

Soviet Bear Uni Adventure- Soviet Bear is on his daily commute to the circus, and it ain't easy.

Both released on the same day.

They should consider a whole range of Nationality, Animal, Alcohol, Weapon, Musical Instrument games. Just flood the market with �em until the ironysphere collapses.

# ? Nov 9, 2019 02:07

The MSJ: May 17, 2010

Rotten Red Rod posted:

I don't get it. The joke is that Butch is insulted when people call Pedro a gardener? Why is that so funny to the creator?

Maybe he's a woke redneck.

# ? Nov 9, 2019 03:04

Sit on my Jace: Sep 9, 2016

The White Dragon posted:

the thing about people who want to ♥♥♥♥ garfield is that they're rarely being ironic

# ? Nov 9, 2019 08:44

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# ? May 17, 2024 21:14

Dragonwagon: Mar 28, 2010; And that, as much as anything else, led to my drinking problem.

Thanks, community.

# ? Nov 9, 2019 11:17

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