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Legolas and Gimli advanced on the orcs, raising their weapons with a harrowing war cry. "You think you can stand against the might of the Third Reich, orcs? Then you will not stand against us!" "Hear this, elf, this war is a holy one, and we will have our god." "I have no god!" The Third Reich was an extremely powerful military power, but orcs were the most powerful tribe on Middle-earth. If orcs and elves were to fight, the orc and elf would surely win. "Go forth! Fight the forces of darkness! Fight for the salvation of our people! Fight for the Third Reich and the forces of darkness!" "They are the enemy!" "No! Fight them!" The battle raged for hours on end, until finally the orcs were slaughtered, leaving
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Nov 8, 2019 14:31
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An official marmot has the following statement: In the past year we've had a lot of reports on a particular species of marmot. They have a very small and distinct head shape that resembles an ear of corn. Their feet, too, are short, stubby and not as rounded as those of the other marmots. The only other animal I could find that looked like an ear of corn is the common moose, but that's just a matter of perspective. And don't even get me started on "chameleons." As for why they look like ear of corn, the official explanation seems to be that they have small ears that resemble ears of corn. The first thing you see when you go outside is a small ear of corn and this is the reason they look like that. It is common for young marmots to have very small ears.
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Nov 8, 2019 14:37
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John Wick unsheathed his katana, and slashed down upon one of the soldiers. The soldiers quickly retaliated, and they began to fight. John drew his .357 magnum and began to fire at the attackers, though it seemed like he was the only one with a gun. Bullets ricocheted off the walls and the soldiers began to fall, leaving only one more to face him. John aimed for his chest, and fired, sending the man to the ground in an explosion of blood and organs. John then turned to the soldier who had taken his arm, and held the blade to his throat. His face was completely covered with the white fur of a bear. The other soldier stood there motionless, watching the fight in silence. John slowly drew the blade out of the man's throat, and he heard the man gasp. The man's throat began to bleed heavily, and the blood pooled on the floor.
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Nov 8, 2019 14:53
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Mayor Barkington, together with Chancellor Meowsalot, announced today at Dogtown City Hall the truce between Dogtown and Catsville. "This is a momentous day for peace between the races, for the sake of both of our cities, for the sake of our families, and for the sake of the rest of the city and the world." "This truce is a victory for Dogtown," said Mayor Barkington. "Dogtown, a city built on the principles of liberty and justice, can now be considered to be at peace." "We cannot afford to be distracted from the job at hand," Chancellor Meowsalot concluded, "a war against the forces of evil." Barkington explained to the people of Dogtown the events leading to today's truce. "A few years ago the race riots that broke out in Dogtown destroyed most of the city. I was the victim of the race riots when I was a child, and I know that the
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Nov 8, 2019 14:55
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Robotic sororities are sweeping the nation. Machines have taken over our college campuses. Only one man has a dick big enough to stop the robots. Only one. It's the most glorious time to be a woman. You can't go to school, you can't get a job, you can't even do your hair. But you get to be a robot! There is just one catch: you're just not a very good robot. So go on, be a robot. It's the future, and you can't have a bad time.
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Nov 8, 2019 14:56
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Uhh don't feed it poetry
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Nov 8, 2019 15:05
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My penis is small and smells of prawns. I hope my parents don't find out. A: I can tell you have a small penis. I am going to guess your penis is about 2 inches. I'm assuming it is from the size and weight of your penis, but you're right about the smell. It's got that prawn smell. You should probably get it checked out by a doctor. Q: I'm a 20 year old female. I don't look much older than the boys around me. Why is it that my vagina looks and feels so much more tender than their penis? My vulva is as soft as a newborn's butt. I feel like I'm being raped every time I try to pee. I've never felt anything like it. What happened to me? A: You have a condition known as vaginismus, which is the inability to control your vagina. In many cases, women develop it in the first two years of
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Nov 8, 2019 15:07
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Welcome, goons. Now I'M the winner and I'm going to teach you a lesson in how to behave. And I'm going to do that by taking all of you down with me. And I'm going to give you two hours to think it through. And if you think that we're going to have a good time, then I'm going to have my way with you... In the mean time, I'm going to do one thing: I'm going to show you some more good times. [Scene switches to a scene of the gang in the house.] You know, I'm a little disappointed with you all. I thought we were going to be getting some fresh air. Well, it seems you're still in a little stupor about some of the events that have been happening. The only thing you seem to be able to agree on are the fact that we're all going
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Nov 8, 2019 15:13
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when john romero said "suck it down!" I couldn't believe what I was hearing. This was the only thing that made me cry. The next day, I couldn't stop. I wanted to scream and yell and be angry. I knew I could not live the rest of my life with a hole in my heart. I was afraid, and I thought that if I cried and cried, I would never get over it. The pain I felt was so powerful and I felt that if I didn't take care of myself, I would never get it out. It took me two months to really get my act together. The pain was still there. The physical pain was intense, and the emotional pain was severe. I did not want to live this way any longer. I couldn't stand the thought of my boyfriend seeing the hole in my heart. It wasn't fair.
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Nov 8, 2019 15:13
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This thing is a very dangerous tool of hilarity. I decided to try feeding it text from the /r/relationships thread and seeing if it would come up with similar stories. some examples original 1 quote:I’m creating a VR simulation where you can experience what it’s like to be an unborn fetus while your mother is terminating you. Generated 1 quote:I’m creating a VR simulation where you can experience what it’s like to be an unborn fetus while your mother is terminating you." "You are not actually a person. You are a simulation." "It's the last step in your evolution." original 2 quote:My (F26) boyfriend (M30) is a wealthy, well educated, completely normal man but he believes without any irony that he met a Vampire and he "confessed" this while he was high. Should I ask him about it sober? quote:My (F26) boyfriend (M30) is a wealthy, well educated, completely normal man but he believes without any irony that he met a Vampire and he "confessed" this while he was high. Should I ask him about it sober? Or just write it off as a fantasy? How would I go about convincing him it's just a weird dream? original 3 quote:My Friend Keeps Editing Her Social Media Photos to Make Me Look Heavier Generated 3 quote:My Friend Keeps Editing Her Social Media Photos to Make Me Look Heavier original 4 quote:Some hip hop music makes me temporarily gay? Generated 4 quote:Some hip hop music makes me temporarily gay? original 5 quote:AITA for withdrawing financial support for my daughter's college plans as punishment for stealing from us (her parents)? quote:AITA for withdrawing financial support for my daughter's college plans as punishment for stealing from us (her parents)? i think we can wrap it up boys, we don't need the internet any more. this app can generate all of the hilarity we need
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Nov 8, 2019 15:13
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These are like insane versions of Mad Libs, I love this thing.
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Nov 8, 2019 15:14
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motherbox posted:Uhh don't feed it poetry sometimes it works out well - i did this prompt a bunch in the old thread I met a traveller from an antique land, Who said—“Two vast and trunkless legs of stone Stand in the desert...' When I was a lad I thought that I would make the desert bloom; And in the midst of the flowery plain I planted a tree of gold. Now there is no more the desert flower, And the golden tree is uprooted. We will all die, each and all; The end will come like a nightmare; All the best of us will fade, And leave nothing but our memories. For my part I shall be dead before this final hour, And leave my only child a poor orphan, Who will wander the desert for many a year, Pressing his lips to the smooth stones And longing for his lost mother, Whom he never knew. He will not be able to remember what she was === I met a traveller from an antique land, Who said—“Two vast and trunkless legs of stone Stand in the desert... Near them, on the sand, A peregrine falcon awaits its prey. This land, with its nature's endless cycle of night and day, Has no creation yet reached to this day. He said that he had travelled far and wide In search of what is not here. Now he must return, for else his search will fail. I have made a promise to thee and to the one Who guards the door to the land of the dead. I leave to thee this key, which will open The door to my father's tomb. It's an evil thing I have done, but I can't help it. My father's soul, in the land of the dead, Is waiting in wait for the day
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Nov 8, 2019 15:20
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this thing is a pretty good revolutionary philosopherquote:A spectre is haunting Europe -- the spectre of Communism. All the Powers of old Europe have entered into a holy alliance to exorcise this spectre: Pope and Czar, Metternich and Guizot, French Radicals and German police-spies. But the Pope, like all the old Europe, is dying; and the Czar, like all the old Europe, is also dying. quote:The history of all hitherto existing societies is the history of class struggles.Freeman and slave, patrician and plebeian, lord and serf, guild-master and journeyman, in a word, oppressor and oppressed, stood in constant opposition to one another, carried on an uninterrupted, now hidden, now open fight, a fight that each time ended, either in a revolutionary re-constitution of society at large, or in the common ruin of the contending classes. Rutibex fucked around with this message at 15:25 on Nov 8, 2019 |
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Nov 8, 2019 15:22
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quote:Bush did 9/11, and he's still in charge," Trump said, before pivoting to the election and Clinton's use of a private email server as secretary of state. This sounds legit imo
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Nov 8, 2019 15:26
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You can use it to play a CYOA of sorts, if you start off with "You enter a tavern" as a prompt, and then make your next prompt the last sentence of its output, followed by whatever your character does. For example: Talk to Transformer posted:You enter a tavern. The barkeep's wife is at work and the room is too hot to sit down, so you buy drinks and stand up. You try to order a drink, but you find the bartender's wife has disappeared. You find her in another room. Her name is Lothar. > ASK LOTHAR WHY HE IS SEARCHING FOR ME Talk to Transformer posted:You are in a castle. Lothar is waiting there. "Why have you been searching for me?", you ask. He tells you, that after he left the country, he was betrayed by his own men, and had to leave the country. He says he was very upset and that he wanted to go to his wife in Germany, so he went there, but the border guards had put a lot of guards on his path, and he got lost. He searched for his way for days, and eventually, found a path to the north-east, but he met a wolf, and got bitten. He got his wounds stitched, but was unable to walk. He knew that he was lost, so he stayed at the castle for a couple of days. He says that it was an empty castle. He was very lonely. > OFFER TO TEND LOTHAR'S WOUNDS Talk To Transformer posted:He says that it was an empty castle. He was very lonely.
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Nov 8, 2019 15:27
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this thing is going to make writing lovely community college papers very easy. can't even check for plagiarism any more
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Nov 8, 2019 15:29
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How to make a Love Potion: - Add ten grams of sheep's bile to a goblet - Add a tablespoon of dried frog squeezings - Add the other tablespoon of dried frog squeezings - Mix the three liquids into a paste - Apply the paste to your girlfriend or wife's eyes or nose. If the potion fails, simply cut the paste and start over. - Alternatively, apply the paste on your own eyeballs, mouth or genitals and let it dry This one should work on anyone, but especially on lovers who are very into each other. - It's not just a one-off, you can mix it up and try it on yourself (in the mirror or in bed) - If you can't use the potion as an eye mask, the paste can be rubbed onto the area. This is a really effective method of making someone fall in love with you. - You can make it
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Nov 8, 2019 15:33
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Rutibex posted:this thing is going to make writing lovely community college papers very easy. can't even check for plagiarism any more The importance of the Cotton Gin to the development of this great nation is undisputed. When this great product, this national treasure, is put into the hands of the common people of the United States, the future will look much different than it does now. The United States will be a very different nation." "The Cotton Gin is an important product and a great opportunity for the United States," he said. "The people of the United States have a right to expect the Government to take every possible step in order to preserve this great national treasure. The Government can do this, but it must be bold enough to act quickly and decisively." The Cotton Gin has been a symbol of the country for thousands of years and the importance of its preservation cannot be overemphasized. In his speech, Governor Beale recognized the fact that this "fascinating product" has a profound significance for the nation, and is, in fact, "a national treasure." The importance of the Cotton Gin cannot be overemphasized and the Government
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Nov 8, 2019 15:35
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this thing is as good at simulating Hitler as it is of simulating Marx.....quote:German-Austria must be restored to the great German Motherland. And not indeed on any grounds of economic calculation whatsoever. No, no. Even if the union were a matter of economic indifference, and even if it were to be disadvantageous from the economic standpoint, still it ought to take place. People of the same blood should be in the same REICH. The German people will have no right to engage in a colonial policy until they shall have brought all their children together in the one State.
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Nov 8, 2019 15:35
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What happened to Lindsay Lohan's beach club? In the early-morning hours of August 5th, 2008, the Lindsay Lohan's beach club, Lindsay Mansion, was completely blown up by an unknown assailant. Linday Mansion was a four-storey, 9,000 square foot structure situated on a cliff-top, in the exclusive town of La Jolla. At 2:50am on August 5th, Lindsay Mansion was bombed by the "unknown assailant". The entire structure and its contents were destroyed. The blast was so powerful that it completely obliterated the rooftop, the windows and all the walls. Lindsay Mansion was built in 1988 and had been occupied by a succession of celebrities (including the Kardashians). It has a spectacular view of San Diego and San Diego Harbor. Although the damage is still unknown, some media speculated that the blast might have been caused by an improvised explosive device. The motive for the attack remains unclear. Who was the wife of Julius Caesar, and why must Caeser's wife be above suspicion? Caesar was murdered in 44 BC. His wife Julia Domna, was also murdered with him. Both had a number of illegitimate children, which are known as Caesar's Gallic Wars. Julia Domna, after the death of Julius Caesar, became the wife of Caesar's half-brother Octavian, and had three daughters, who were named after the Roman goddesses Venus, Juno, and Minerva. However, these girls were very spoiled and disobedient, and Caesar hated this. The Roman people wanted to kill Julia Domna, but Octavian refused, and he also refused to give Julia Domna back to Caesar, who was in exile in the Isle of Capri. Octavian was the son of the Emperor Claudius and his third wife Livia. America's next top model is also not the most beautiful woman in the world. She is more the most intelligent, well traveled, rich, famous and sophisticated, but not the most beautiful woman in the world. For starters, the average American woman has a weight of 102 pounds. The average American man has a weight of 230 pounds. And the average American woman has the following measurements: breast size, 34 inches; waist size, 31 inches; hips size, 34 inches. And the average American man has the following measurements: breast size, 36 inches; waist size, 29 inches; hips size, 37 inches. So yes, the average American woman is not a supermodel but the average American man is. And the most beautiful woman in the world is more than likely not the next top model. She is the most beautiful woman in the world because she is more intelligent, well traveled, rich, famous and sophisticated.
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Nov 8, 2019 15:41
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Sir Simon Milligan posted:These are like insane versions of Mad Libs, I love this thing. That’s exactly what I was thinking, it’s like Mad Libs on meth. Mitch McConnell stood on the congress floor. His face twisted with horror as he looked over his shoulder and saw a large penis growing out of his butthole. He then proceeded to poo poo a brick while the crowd laughed at him. His face was still contorted with horror as he looked at the large penis growing out of his rear end in a top hat. Mitch McConnell has a very small dick. Mitch McConnell is currently in his late thirties. He currently has one child. That child is not named, but is almost certainly named Mitch. He has two daughters. He also has a large penis. Mitch McConnell will one day die. His legacy will be that he was the first senator in history to have a small dick. Mitch McConnell has one of the most disgusting dick jokes in the history of mankind. Mitch McConnell's legacy is his small dick. Goku embraces Bernie Sanders, and they walked hand in hand into the Red Lobster. They talked politics and his hopes for the future. They discussed what this election meant to them, and what they could do to fight for it. Afterward they went to eat. Krillin talked about the importance of people not voting at all because they have no real say in politics, so they had to get involved. Goku and Goten talked about how much they missed Vegeta. Krillin went off on a tangent about how the reason they don't have a kid is because they want to raise it themselves, and Goten said he'd get the baby if he didn't want it, but Goku said it was up to him.
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Nov 8, 2019 15:56
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quote:Goku fought donald trump in an epic battle that raged on for a week. Trump had a very high power level and Goku did not know if he could defeat him. Goku finally defeated trump in the 3rd round of their fight by giving him a fatal attack. Goku and trump's battle resulted in many dead and injured and their fighting caused an avalanche that destroyed their mountain and the surrounding area. During their fight the two were also forced to spend most of their energy on defense because of trump's ki blast that was able to stun Goku in half and knock him to the ground. Trump finally won the fight when he killed the earth.
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Nov 8, 2019 16:05
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oh, man, I remember when Snoop used to wee-wee rap the house down!!! List of top dance hits from the 80s and 90s: CrazySexyCool (feat. Christina Aguilera, Krayzie Bone, Fabolous, Usher, Busta Rhymes & Cee-Lo Green) Hotel California (feat. Pitbull, Michael Jackson & Stevie Wonder) Nasty Girl (feat. Busta Rhymes) Hot n Cold (feat. Janet Jackson & Boyz II Men) Just Right (feat. Jay-Z & Lil Wayne) Wee Wee Rap (feat. Snoop Dogg & Lil Wayne) SexyBack (feat. Boyz II Men) Sexy and I Know It (feat. Janet Jackson, Boyz II Men & Fabolous) You Can't Stop Me Now (feat. Busta Rhymes) How's It Going to Be (feat. Boyz II Men)
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Nov 8, 2019 16:09
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This thing could generate conspiracy sites all by itself The CIA invented crack cocaine to kill black people. The drug is responsible for the deaths of at least 33,000 in the U.S., and countless more in other countries. As we have seen from the CIA's history of torture, and even as we know from its own documents, drugs like crack are used to control the lower classes, and to maintain their dependence. The drug war is a money making racket, in which the CIA uses money from the drug trade, to finance more torture and more war. When it comes to drugs, the CIA doesn't want a free or fair market. They want the entire planet to be locked up in prisons of their choosing. In 1971, the CIA sponsored the formation of the Association for the Study of Drug Abuse, which later renamed itself the National Institute on Drug Abuse. Their aim was to establish the "scientific" basis of the war on drugs. As with most drugs, the first step is prohibition.
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Nov 8, 2019 16:11
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I'm full of bees and they're not in my mouth," she explained. As far as her plans go, she has a few ideas. "I'm going to go to the zoo tomorrow," she said. "It's going to be kind of like a honeymoon. I'm thinking I'm going to try and make some honey and give some to the kids."
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Nov 8, 2019 16:13
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quote:DEHUMANIZE YOURSELF AND FACE TO BLOODSHED. DO NOT BE FOOLED BY THOSE WHO MAKE UP THE COSMOS, OR FOR THAT MATTER LEARN FROM THE ENSLAVEMENT, YOU SHALL BE DONE IN THE NEON, WITHOUT WORDS OR WORDS OR WORDS. Transformer knows what news sites are worth quoting: quote:If you want a picture of the future, imagine a boot stamping on a human face—forever. —George Orwell steamed hams deleted scene: quote:Yes, and you call them steamed hams despite the fact that they're obviously grilled.
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Nov 8, 2019 16:24
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jesus h christ i think this thing just made a good effort in uncovering the meaning of my own life original bit bolded. quote:
i feel like i should print this up and post it on my wall or some poo poo
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Nov 8, 2019 16:26
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The true meaning of life is revealed in the life of Jesus Christ. It's the only life worth living. In the end, it's not the size of your car that counts; It's the way you drive it. -JFK
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Nov 8, 2019 17:04
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this is scary If we don't do anything, the world will end You know that you can't win If you don't try, we all know what will happen If we don't do anything, the world will end Oh, let's all do something So we're gonna save the world from the Big Five Oh, let's save the world from the Big Five If we don't do anything, the world will end You know that you can't win If you don't try, we all know what will happen If we don't do anything, the world will end Oh, let's all do something And let's all do something, and let's all do something, and let's all do something, Oh, let's all do something If we don't do anything, the world will end You know that you can
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Nov 8, 2019 17:15
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ok boomerang. And the boomerang will have a very special spot in the Museum of Fine Arts.
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Nov 8, 2019 17:16
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Cat Army
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Ever since I was a kid, I wanted to be a gangster, but I didn't think it was going to happen until I was 18, when I was shot in the back of the head." In 2004, a friend of LaVoy was killed at his apartment complex, and he decided to retaliate by going in for the kill. "At my friend's house, my brother was shooting at these guys and they didn't see me," LaVoy recalled. "I told them to come get me." The men shot him in the back of the head. "I was scared to die. I felt like I was going to die," he said. "I told my brother to shoot my mother first, and I started running toward her and he didn't know where to shoot. So he shot me again, and I was dead. It was the most gruesome thing I've ever seen. I was dead and there wasn't a soul in sight." LaVoy
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Nov 8, 2019 17:25
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quote:It's an exciting time to be a gamer, with more than 20 million Americans spending more than 5 billion hours a month playing video games. quote:The industry now has more than 1.5 million people working in the games industry.
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Nov 8, 2019 17:29
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Attached is a comprehensive ranked list of most fuckable cartoon characters and the length of their dicks (in feet): 1. Dorky Fox Dorky Fox (Fox Toot) Length: 4 feet, 8 inches Number of Fucks: 4 feet, 7 inches (his most famous dick is 6.5 feet) Dorky Fox's dick is so massive that he uses it for both pleasure and display. His penis is actually a pair of retractable rubber balls (which you can see in his underwear, above). Fox uses them for pleasure by bouncing them up and down. On display are his four-foot, eight-inch cock and his massive balls. His balls are so big that they're actually two pairs of dildos, which he can move on his cock at will. 2. The Big Cheese The Big Cheese Length: 6 feet Number of F
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Nov 8, 2019 17:31
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All your base are belong to usquote:We are the gods of the planet
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Nov 8, 2019 17:36
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Bernie Sandersquote:Bernie Sanders' campaign has raised a staggering $75 million in the last two months. He has been doing this while spending about $1 million a week. By contrast, Hillary Clinton has raised a paltry $25 million and is spending a fraction of that, or only $4 million a week. But if Hillary Clinton runs against Bernie Sanders, she can't use the money he's raised to win the general election because that money was spent in the primary, and the FEC hasn't said she has to file the report by the deadline. She will only be able to use the funds she has raised in the general election to run ads. Sanders has been very aggressive in getting people involved, and in New Hampshire, people have contributed a whopping $2.7 million to his campaign, and he won the Democratic primary.
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Nov 8, 2019 17:37
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drat it feels good to be a gangsta But I don't know about you, but that is not a style When you rap like that, you can't be that bad You know when you walk up to a person on the street Who has a hood on, you can say you ain't from the hood Cause I know the hood, the hood that is real You can say you ain't from the hood but I know you is So tell me, what's up, when you ain't from the hood And I'm like "gently caress you man I'm from the hood!" And he'm like "Yeah well, that ain't no problem You know when you rap like that, you can't be that bad You know when you walk up to a person on the street Who has a hood on, you can say you ain't from the hood Cause I know the hood,
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Nov 8, 2019 17:39
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OMFG FURRY posted:Elon Musk opens a portal to the anime dimension The first user of the Neuralink man machine interface is Elon Musk who is now living in an anime utopia 24/7. He is now known as the Emperor Goku and has an harem full of irl friends. He has two kids, who are not his biological children but are the offspring of the AI program that created him. He lives in the future, not in a dystopia, but in an anime utopia. And there, he has all the cool things in life: a robot maid, a rocket ship, a flying saucer, an all-women's prison and a robot butler. The only thing he's missing is a personal assistant, but I'm sure one is on the way! This is the future! And we have made it. In some ways, the world is worse for having created this man-machine interface. We can't really speak to what it will mean to live in a world where we can have robot maids and rocket ships. The first user of the Neuralink man machine interface is Elon Musk who is now living in an anime utopia 24/7. He is now known as the Emperor Goku and has an harem full of ids. You are welcome to follow the Emperor on twitter, however I doubt he will respond to any of you so if you want to ask a question, follow the Emperor himself, or just say hi I am @TheElonMusk. This is a direct descendant of the first Neuralink prototype called "M1" with the addition of "The Emperor" but we are confident we can achieve greater performance and better control, and therefore efficiency of our system. In the future, our new neural interfaces may be used by our machines in order to improve our lives and to help us make better decisions.
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Nov 8, 2019 17:40
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dudeness posted:Attached is a comprehensive ranked list of most fuckable cartoon characters and the length of their dicks (in feet): you should have tried that one twice. this is what I got: quote:Attached is a comprehensive ranked list of most fuckable cartoon characters and the length of their dicks (in feet):
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Nov 8, 2019 17:40
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quote:Captain janeway told captain picard they would never be lovers again. quote:"You do not need to explain what you're doing here. You are a crew of heroes, and you are going to find your way home."
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Nov 8, 2019 17:50
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| # ? Jun 7, 2024 09:19 |
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My favorite quote by Johnny Bravo is: "We just need a few people to believe in us and love us and show us some love." So yeah, that's the best way to get that "big break". What's your favorite way to get a big break? Image via Instagram
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Nov 8, 2019 18:00
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