Register a SA Forums Account here!
JOINING THE SA FORUMS WILL REMOVE THIS BIG AD, THE ANNOYING UNDERLINED ADS, AND STUPID INTERSTITIAL ADS!!!

You can: log in, read the tech support FAQ, or request your lost password. This dumb message (and those ads) will appear on every screen until you register! Get rid of this crap by registering your own SA Forums Account and joining roughly 150,000 Goons, for the one-time price of $9.95! We charge money because it costs us money per month for bills, and since we don't believe in showing ads to our users, we try to make the money back through forum registrations.
What are your plans for the malcious AI
Create all the fake news I possibly can
Assist me in writing my erotic Goku fanfiction.
Come up with counterpoints for my stupid D&D arguments
Convince my mom that I have a girlfriend.
Make alt accounts and use those to create new posts on SA, to artificially inflate the DAU count.
View Results
 
  • Post
  • Reply
dsf
Jul 1, 2004
Legolas and Gimli advanced on the orcs, raising their weapons with a harrowing war cry.

"You think you can stand against the might of the Third Reich, orcs? Then you will not stand against us!"

"Hear this, elf, this war is a holy one, and we will have our god."

"I have no god!"

The Third Reich was an extremely powerful military power, but orcs were the most powerful tribe on Middle-earth. If orcs and elves were to fight, the orc and elf would surely win.

"Go forth! Fight the forces of darkness! Fight for the salvation of our people! Fight for the Third Reich and the forces of darkness!"

"They are the enemy!"

"No! Fight them!"

The battle raged for hours on end, until finally the orcs were slaughtered, leaving

Adbot
ADBOT LOVES YOU

The Walrus
Jul 9, 2002

by Fluffdaddy
An official marmot has the following statement:

In the past year we've had a lot of reports on a particular species of marmot. They have a very small and distinct head shape that resembles an ear of corn. Their feet, too, are short, stubby and not as rounded as those of the other marmots.

The only other animal I could find that looked like an ear of corn is the common moose, but that's just a matter of perspective.

And don't even get me started on "chameleons."

As for why they look like ear of corn, the official explanation seems to be that they have small ears that resemble ears of corn.

The first thing you see when you go outside is a small ear of corn and this is the reason they look like that. It is common for young marmots to have very small ears.

Cough Drop The Beat
Jan 22, 2012

by Lowtax
John Wick unsheathed his katana, and slashed down upon one of the soldiers. The soldiers quickly retaliated, and they began to fight. John drew his .357 magnum and began to fire at the attackers, though it seemed like he was the only one with a gun. Bullets ricocheted off the walls and the soldiers began to fall, leaving only one more to face him. John aimed for his chest, and fired, sending the man to the ground in an explosion of blood and organs. John then turned to the soldier who had taken his arm, and held the blade to his throat. His face was completely covered with the white fur of a bear. The other soldier stood there motionless, watching the fight in silence.

John slowly drew the blade out of the man's throat, and he heard the man gasp. The man's throat began to bleed heavily, and the blood pooled on the floor.

Mozi
Apr 4, 2004

Forms change so fast
Time is moving past
Memory is smoke
Gonna get wider when I die
Nap Ghost
Mayor Barkington, together with Chancellor Meowsalot, announced today at Dogtown City Hall the truce between Dogtown and Catsville. "This is a momentous day for peace between the races, for the sake of both of our cities, for the sake of our families, and for the sake of the rest of the city and the world."

"This truce is a victory for Dogtown," said Mayor Barkington. "Dogtown, a city built on the principles of liberty and justice, can now be considered to be at peace."

"We cannot afford to be distracted from the job at hand," Chancellor Meowsalot concluded, "a war against the forces of evil."

Barkington explained to the people of Dogtown the events leading to today's truce. "A few years ago the race riots that broke out in Dogtown destroyed most of the city. I was the victim of the race riots when I was a child, and I know that the

Ad by Khad
Jul 25, 2007

Human Garbage
Watch me try to laugh this title off like the dickbag I am.

I also hang out with racists.
Robotic sororities are sweeping the nation. Machines have taken over our college campuses. Only one man has a dick big enough to stop the robots. Only one.

It's the most glorious time to be a woman. You can't go to school, you can't get a job, you can't even do your hair. But you get to be a robot!

There is just one catch: you're just not a very good robot.

So go on, be a robot.

It's the future, and you can't have a bad time.

motherbox
Jul 19, 2013

Uhh don't feed it poetry

a starchy tuber
Sep 9, 2002

hi yes I'm very normal
My penis is small and smells of prawns. I hope my parents don't find out.

A: I can tell you have a small penis. I am going to guess your penis is about 2 inches. I'm assuming it is from the size and weight of your penis, but you're right about the smell. It's got that prawn smell. You should probably get it checked out by a doctor.

Q: I'm a 20 year old female. I don't look much older than the boys around me. Why is it that my vagina looks and feels so much more tender than their penis? My vulva is as soft as a newborn's butt. I feel like I'm being raped every time I try to pee. I've never felt anything like it. What happened to me?

A: You have a condition known as vaginismus, which is the inability to control your vagina. In many cases, women develop it in the first two years of

Big Beef City
Aug 15, 2013

Welcome, goons. Now I'M the winner and I'm going to teach you a lesson in how to behave. And I'm going to do that by taking all of you down with me. And I'm going to give you two hours to think it through. And if you think that we're going to have a good time, then I'm going to have my way with you... In the mean time, I'm going to do one thing: I'm going to show you some more good times.
[Scene switches to a scene of the gang in the house.] You know, I'm a little disappointed with you all. I thought we were going to be getting some fresh air. Well, it seems you're still in a little stupor about some of the events that have been happening. The only thing you seem to be able to agree on are the fact that we're all going

Tarkus
Aug 27, 2000

when john romero said "suck it down!" I couldn't believe what I was hearing.


This was the only thing that made me cry. The next day, I couldn't stop. I wanted to scream and yell and be angry. I knew I could not live the rest of my life with a hole in my heart.


I was afraid, and I thought that if I cried and cried, I would never get over it. The pain I felt was so powerful and I felt that if I didn't take care of myself, I would never get it out.


It took me two months to really get my act together. The pain was still there. The physical pain was intense, and the emotional pain was severe. I did not want to live this way any longer. I couldn't stand the thought of my boyfriend seeing the hole in my heart. It wasn't fair.

Rutibex
Sep 9, 2001

by Fluffdaddy
This thing is a very dangerous tool of hilarity. I decided to try feeding it text from the /r/relationships thread and seeing if it would come up with similar stories. some examples

original 1

quote:

I’m creating a VR simulation where you can experience what it’s like to be an unborn fetus while your mother is terminating you.

I’ve been working on this with three of my really good friends (all of us are pro-life). One of my friends is doing the animations, I’m doing the programming, one is doing the sound design, and our friend in medical school is making sure everything is scientifically accurate. I have not released anything for this “game” yet (it’s not really a game, more of an “experience” but that sounds really pretentious). However, we will might release some images and videos of the game in action soon.

Creating this game has taken an emotional toll on all four of us and because of that we felt it was time to announce this project, and we hope that this announcement will be therapeutic for us. We struggled with whether or not we should even release it because of how depressing it is and I wanted to ask you guys here if you think it is a good idea to release this when it’s finished. It will be completely free to download and I think it could be a good educational tool as well although probably not for young children because it is very graphic. What do you think?

Generated 1

quote:

I’m creating a VR simulation where you can experience what it’s like to be an unborn fetus while your mother is terminating you." "You are not actually a person. You are a simulation." "It's the last step in your evolution."

The video is a "tribute to the fetus," she explained in a phone call, which explains the goal: "To make people think about the value and dignity of the human life."

The video has been viewed more than 8.5 million times on Facebook, more than 200,000 times on YouTube, and has racked up more than a million views on Google+.

original 2

quote:

My (F26) boyfriend (M30) is a wealthy, well educated, completely normal man but he believes without any irony that he met a Vampire and he "confessed" this while he was high. Should I ask him about it sober?
We've been dating for 8 months. He comes from a wealthy family. Private school, Ivy League, Ivy Law School. Works for a bank right now. He got very high a few nights ago and told me a very long story about how when he was in boarding school in Switzerland aged 16 or 17 he met a man that was 400 years old. He wasn't telling a joke. He wasn't trying to be funny. He sounded scared telling me and said he has never told anyone before. I'm not even joking like he was almost in tears telling this story it was as if he was admitting to murdering his mother on that level. The next day he was completely normal I don't even know if he remembers telling me. He's a completely normal guy and honestly he's never mentioned being "into" vampires nothing he doesn't even really watch movies. Should I bring this up with him sober, it's been a few days and I feel awkward about it. Or should I just forget all about it
Generated 2

quote:

My (F26) boyfriend (M30) is a wealthy, well educated, completely normal man but he believes without any irony that he met a Vampire and he "confessed" this while he was high. Should I ask him about it sober? Or just write it off as a fantasy? How would I go about convincing him it's just a weird dream?

Won't tell you how you should convince him, but the most important thing to remember is that if you tell him, he'll believe you, so you really don't have to, especially if he doesn't seem to care at all about his belief. If he wants to, he can believe this fantasy in spite of his reality.

The best advice I can give you here is that you shouldn't tell him until you're sure he doesn't want to believe it. If you find that he does,


original 3

quote:

My Friend Keeps Editing Her Social Media Photos to Make Me Look Heavier

Dear Prudence,
I have three close friends I’ve known since high school. Two of them love social media, and whenever we are together, they take pictures to post online. I don’t really like social media and only have one account, which I rarely check. When I was having lunch with one of my friends, she told me that “Sally” had been editing the photos she posted to make me look heavier and showed me the “before” she had on her phone and the “after” Sally had posted. There was a noticeable difference. I find this behavior really odd, and I’m not sure how to address it with Sally, since I never imagined this would be a situation I would have to bring up with a friend. I want to ask her why she’s doing this and also to stop. But if they’re her photos, I can’t really control what she does with them. Should I decline to be in any photos she takes? It makes me uncomfortable that she’s publicly changing my body.
—Photoshopping Friend

Generated 3

quote:

My Friend Keeps Editing Her Social Media Photos to Make Me Look Heavier

As you know, my friends and I are big on diet and nutrition. We keep our Facebook pages updated on what we're eating and what's on the way. When I say "Facebook" I mean my personal Facebook page. I share it to anyone who will listen.

So when I recently added a new friend (who we'll call "Mary") to my Facebook account, I thought nothing of it. She seemed cool and I didn't have anything to hide.

Then Mary started sending me photos of herself posing with various types of food. I could tell she was trying to make herself look better. I couldn't help but notice her new friend photos were of her eating healthy food.

What the hell? I thought, I bet that could make me look better. She wasn't doing anything out of the ordinary or out of line, but still.

But I kept on being convinced she was a good person


original 4

quote:

Some hip hop music makes me temporarily gay?

I’m completely straight to the point where I couldn’t even point out which men are considered attractive, but when I listen to certain artists I get more attracted to men. For example, when I listen to Miguel it makes me want to have sex with a man. It’s not only a sexual attraction, it also gives me a romantic attraction to men depending on the artist. When I listen to T.I., it makes me want a man to kiss my neck, but when I listen to The Roots I want to lay side by side with a man and jack ourselves off. When I listen to Frank Ocean, you’d think I’d want passionate loving sex, but actually Frank Ocean makes me want to be tied up and submit to another man. When I listen to Kanye West, I want a man to give me a blowjob and when I listen to Kendrick Lamar, I want to give a blowjob to another man. They’re more examples but the rest just make me have vanilla homosexual thoughts. Has anyone else experienced this?

Generated 4

quote:

Some hip hop music makes me temporarily gay?

I was just listening to this guy. I was like, "Dude! I can't take all these words!" I like hip hop, and so many of the lyrics are about sexuality, and being gay, and having fun.

When you are going out in real life, do you ever get confused about what the gay world will think of you, and how it will feel?

Yeah, they just look at you funny.

How so?

A lot of them will just be like, "Do you have a boyfriend or something?" Or, "Oh, you're a lesbian?" They just like, ignore you.

What about in your band?

There are a lot of people who come up to us who are, like, "Hey, so, I'm a gay man, and I want to be in your band." And we're like, "Are you gay or something?"


original 5

quote:

AITA for withdrawing financial support for my daughter's college plans as punishment for stealing from us (her parents)?

My daughter (17) has an unfortunate history of stealing money from her family. As far as I know she hasn't done this to anyone outside of our home. It has escalated over the years, despite punishments being handed out (taking away car and phone privileges). She has taken cash that's been left on the kitchen counters or my desk. She once swiped her younger sibling's Christmas present, a target gift card, and emptied it. She took the money that another sibling earned for a school fundraiser and had set aside in a separate envelope. Essentially we've learned not to leave cash out in the open. Every time she's accused of taking money, she initially denies it but then eventually owns up, apologizes for her behavior, and pays it back. We don't really know why she's taking money that doesn't belong to her. She has a part-time job and all of her school and extracurricular expenses are paid for. I am 99.9% certain it's not anything drug-related.

Today while going through our main bank account, my wife discovered that she had somehow written three checks ($200, $300, $300) to our daughter over this past month and that she had deposited them to her own checking account. When she examined the transactions, she found out that our daughter had taken the last three checks from the checkbook, wrote the amounts to herself, and signed my wife's name to them. I don't know why she thought we wouldn't find out.

Her phone and car are gone, for sure. Her social life is over. On top of that, I just don't feel like doing anything to help her with college applications. She has pretty much burned away any desire or motivation to help her out. No money for ACT and AP testing and test prep. Nothing for college application fees. We had plans to visit some of the schools that she was interested in. Not gonna happen. She has been taking voice lessons and acting classes to prepare for auditions (she's planning on majoring in voice performance or theater). I don't feel like paying for it anymore. My wife is concerned that she won't earn enough from her part-time job to pay for everything she'll need for a competitive audition portfolio and application fees, and that we would be sabotaging her chances for getting into the college of her dreams. She feels that it's only my anger talking and that the usual punishments are enough. I, on the other hand, feel extremely disrespected. My daughter has not wanted for anything in her life. For her to steal from us by committing check fraud is the last straw. At this point I'm not even sure about paying for her college tuition. Honestly, if she were 18, I'd be asking her to leave.

So, AITA for not supporting our daughter through her last year of high school?
Generated 5

quote:

AITA for withdrawing financial support for my daughter's college plans as punishment for stealing from us (her parents)?

Please advise. The following information came from the parents of the accused:

"After a discussion with the accused, I have come to know that she is still planning to attend a local college, a decision that I strongly oppose. I am asking the court to send my daughter back to her home, not allow her to attend any further education. The court should not allow her to return to college unless she makes a formal declaration of innocence and confesses her crime to the police. I have asked my daughter not to enter the court room until I have the opportunity to speak to her."

"I also think that if my daughter had committed a different crime, that her family would have come to my assistance. But the fact that she stole is what makes her so much worse



i think we can wrap it up boys, we don't need the internet any more. this app can generate all of the hilarity we need

Sir Simon Milligan
Mar 27, 2003

Yes, I have walked along the path of evil many times, it's a twisting curving path, that actually leads to a charming block garden, but beyond that evil!

These are like insane versions of Mad Libs, I love this thing.

Mozi
Apr 4, 2004

Forms change so fast
Time is moving past
Memory is smoke
Gonna get wider when I die
Nap Ghost

motherbox posted:

Uhh don't feed it poetry

sometimes it works out well - i did this prompt a bunch in the old thread

I met a traveller from an antique land,
Who said—“Two vast and trunkless legs of stone
Stand in the desert...
'
When I was a lad
I thought that I would make the desert bloom;
And in the midst of the flowery plain
I planted a tree of gold.
Now there is no more the desert flower,
And the golden tree is uprooted.
We will all die, each and all;
The end will come like a nightmare;
All the best of us will fade,
And leave nothing but our memories.
For my part
I shall be dead before this final hour,
And leave my only child a poor orphan,
Who will wander the desert for many a year,
Pressing his lips to the smooth stones
And longing for his lost mother,
Whom he never knew.
He will not be able to remember what she was

===

I met a traveller from an antique land,
Who said—“Two vast and trunkless legs of stone
Stand in the desert... Near them, on the sand,

A peregrine falcon awaits its prey.
This land, with its nature's endless cycle of night and day,
Has no creation yet reached to this day.
He said that he had travelled far and wide
In search of what is not here.
Now he must return, for else his search will fail.
I have made a promise to thee and to the one
Who guards the door to the land of the dead.
I leave to thee this key, which will open
The door to my father's tomb.
It's an evil thing I have done, but I can't help it.
My father's soul, in the land of the dead,
Is waiting in wait for the day

Rutibex
Sep 9, 2001

by Fluffdaddy
this thing is a pretty good revolutionary philosopher

quote:

A spectre is haunting Europe -- the spectre of Communism. All the Powers of old Europe have entered into a holy alliance to exorcise this spectre: Pope and Czar, Metternich and Guizot, French Radicals and German police-spies. But the Pope, like all the old Europe, is dying; and the Czar, like all the old Europe, is also dying.

The French Revolution had a religious character. A revolution is a religious revolution, is it not? And all the peoples of Europe, after having suffered under the yoke of the Catholic Power, had to take arms against the power of the Pope. But there is no more faith in God than in an army; therefore a religious revolution is like a civil revolution. But it does not lead to freedom. The religious revolution is a religious revolt, and this means that it brings about the destruction of religion

quote:

The history of all hitherto existing societies is the history of class struggles.Freeman and slave, patrician and plebeian, lord and serf, guild-master and journeyman, in a word, oppressor and oppressed, stood in constant opposition to one another, carried on an uninterrupted, now hidden, now open fight, a fight that each time ended, either in a revolutionary re-constitution of society at large, or in the common ruin of the contending classes.

And just as in those ancient societies the different portions of the population formed distinct political communities, distinct economic groups, and, as we have said, struggled with one another, so also does it appear to me, and to all educated persons who have studied history, that in our day, and in all the great political, economic and social movements of the present time, there exists one and the same class struggle, one and the same class struggle, between the bourgeoisie and proletariat

Rutibex fucked around with this message at 15:25 on Nov 8, 2019

Hairy Right Hook
Sep 9, 2001

Hee to the ho

quote:

Bush did 9/11, and he's still in charge," Trump said, before pivoting to the election and Clinton's use of a private email server as secretary of state.

"Now I'm going to win," he added.

Trump's running mate, Mike Pence, also offered the former reality TV star-turned-candidate a boost, promising that Trump would "drain the swamp."

"Mr. Trump is going to drain the swamp," Pence said. "That's a great promise.

This sounds legit imo

Whybird
Aug 2, 2009

Phaiston have long avoided the tightly competetive defence sector, but the IRDA Act 2052 has given us the freedom we need to bring out something really special.

https://team-robostar.itch.io/robostar


Nap Ghost
You can use it to play a CYOA of sorts, if you start off with "You enter a tavern" as a prompt, and then make your next prompt the last sentence of its output, followed by whatever your character does.

For example:

Talk to Transformer posted:

You enter a tavern. The barkeep's wife is at work and the room is too hot to sit down, so you buy drinks and stand up. You try to order a drink, but you find the bartender's wife has disappeared. You find her in another room. Her name is Lothar.

"I've been looking for you. I can't find your name anywhere. Why didn't you say anything?"

You are not a good liar. Your head is filled with shame and you look at Lothar.

"That's because, Lothar, that's not my name. I am named Theodor. And I've been searching for you for a very long time."

Lothar takes you to his house.

"That's what I wanted to talk to you about."

You are in a castle. Lothar is waiting there.

> ASK LOTHAR WHY HE IS SEARCHING FOR ME

Talk to Transformer posted:

You are in a castle. Lothar is waiting there. "Why have you been searching for me?", you ask. He tells you, that after he left the country, he was betrayed by his own men, and had to leave the country. He says he was very upset and that he wanted to go to his wife in Germany, so he went there, but the border guards had put a lot of guards on his path, and he got lost. He searched for his way for days, and eventually, found a path to the north-east, but he met a wolf, and got bitten. He got his wounds stitched, but was unable to walk. He knew that he was lost, so he stayed at the castle for a couple of days. He says that it was an empty castle. He was very lonely.

> OFFER TO TEND LOTHAR'S WOUNDS

Talk To Transformer posted:

He says that it was an empty castle. He was very lonely.
You offer to tend Lothar's wounds if he will let you stay, and
he agrees.
At night, he says his bed is too hot, he says that the window is too high.
You ask him how long he was waiting there, to which he says he just waited.
You take the dagger, and you say to Lothar, "Do you know where your wife and your daughter are?"
Lothar responds, "Yes, I do.
You say to him, "I need to take your daughter and get her away from here before dark, Lothar."
Lothar says to you, "I don't want her to get hurt again, you know that."
You say to Lothar, "But, you have promised to keep her safe."

Rutibex
Sep 9, 2001

by Fluffdaddy
this thing is going to make writing lovely community college papers very easy. can't even check for plagiarism any more

Mozi
Apr 4, 2004

Forms change so fast
Time is moving past
Memory is smoke
Gonna get wider when I die
Nap Ghost
How to make a Love Potion:
- Add ten grams of sheep's bile to a goblet
- Add a tablespoon of dried frog squeezings
-
Add the other tablespoon of dried frog squeezings
- Mix the three liquids into a paste
- Apply the paste to your girlfriend or wife's eyes or nose.
If the potion fails, simply cut the paste and start over.
- Alternatively, apply the paste on your own eyeballs, mouth or genitals and let it dry
This one should work on anyone, but especially on lovers who are very into each other.
- It's not just a one-off, you can mix it up and try it on yourself (in the mirror or in bed)
- If you can't use the potion as an eye mask, the paste can be rubbed onto the area.
This is a really effective method of making someone fall in love with you.
- You can make it

Mozi
Apr 4, 2004

Forms change so fast
Time is moving past
Memory is smoke
Gonna get wider when I die
Nap Ghost

Rutibex posted:

this thing is going to make writing lovely community college papers very easy. can't even check for plagiarism any more

The importance of the Cotton Gin to the development of this great nation is undisputed. When this great product, this national treasure, is put into the hands of the common people of the United States, the future will look much different than it does now. The United States will be a very different nation."

"The Cotton Gin is an important product and a great opportunity for the United States," he said. "The people of the United States have a right to expect the Government to take every possible step in order to preserve this great national treasure. The Government can do this, but it must be bold enough to act quickly and decisively."

The Cotton Gin has been a symbol of the country for thousands of years and the importance of its preservation cannot be overemphasized. In his speech, Governor Beale recognized the fact that this "fascinating product" has a profound significance for the nation, and is, in fact, "a national treasure." The importance of the Cotton Gin cannot be overemphasized and the Government

Rutibex
Sep 9, 2001

by Fluffdaddy
this thing is as good at simulating Hitler as it is of simulating Marx.....

quote:

German-Austria must be restored to the great German Motherland. And not indeed on any grounds of economic calculation whatsoever. No, no. Even if the union were a matter of economic indifference, and even if it were to be disadvantageous from the economic standpoint, still it ought to take place. People of the same blood should be in the same REICH. The German people will have no right to engage in a colonial policy until they shall have brought all their children together in the one State.

There are many people who have said to me that the German race is too small for a great political unity. No one can deny this, but the people who say it do not know the nature of Germany. They do not know the character of the German people, nor the German-Austrian bond. They do not know the extent of the German-Austrian common bond. They do not know the extent to which the German people feel their kinship with their Austrian allies.

Fleta Mcgurn
Oct 5, 2003

Porpoise noise continues.
What happened to Lindsay Lohan's beach club?

In the early-morning hours of August 5th, 2008, the Lindsay Lohan's beach club, Lindsay Mansion, was completely blown up by an unknown assailant. Linday Mansion was a four-storey, 9,000 square foot structure situated on a cliff-top, in the exclusive town of La Jolla.

At 2:50am on August 5th, Lindsay Mansion was bombed by the "unknown assailant". The entire structure and its contents were destroyed. The blast was so powerful that it completely obliterated the rooftop, the windows and all the walls.

Lindsay Mansion was built in 1988 and had been occupied by a succession of celebrities (including the Kardashians). It has a spectacular view of San Diego and San Diego Harbor.

Although the damage is still unknown, some media speculated that the blast might have been caused by an improvised explosive device.

The motive for the attack remains unclear.


Who was the wife of Julius Caesar, and why must Caeser's wife be above suspicion?

Caesar was murdered in 44 BC. His wife Julia Domna, was also murdered with him. Both had a number of illegitimate children, which are known as Caesar's Gallic Wars.

Julia Domna, after the death of Julius Caesar, became the wife of Caesar's half-brother Octavian, and had three daughters, who were named after the Roman goddesses Venus, Juno, and Minerva. However, these girls were very spoiled and disobedient, and Caesar hated this. The Roman people wanted to kill Julia Domna, but Octavian refused, and he also refused to give Julia Domna back to Caesar, who was in exile in the Isle of Capri. Octavian was the son of the Emperor Claudius and his third wife Livia.


America's next top model is also not the most beautiful woman in the world. She is more the most intelligent, well traveled, rich, famous and sophisticated, but not the most beautiful woman in the world.

For starters, the average American woman has a weight of 102 pounds. The average American man has a weight of 230 pounds. And the average American woman has the following measurements: breast size, 34 inches; waist size, 31 inches; hips size, 34 inches. And the average American man has the following measurements: breast size, 36 inches; waist size, 29 inches; hips size, 37 inches. So yes, the average American woman is not a supermodel but the average American man is.

And the most beautiful woman in the world is more than likely not the next top model. She is the most beautiful woman in the world because she is more intelligent, well traveled, rich, famous and sophisticated.

HAM ON THE BONE
Aug 22, 2009


Pillbug

Sir Simon Milligan posted:

These are like insane versions of Mad Libs, I love this thing.

That’s exactly what I was thinking, it’s like Mad Libs on meth.

Mitch McConnell stood on the congress floor. His face twisted with horror as he looked over his shoulder and saw a large penis growing out of his butthole.
He then proceeded to poo poo a brick while the crowd laughed at him.
His face was still contorted with horror as he looked at the large penis growing out of his rear end in a top hat.
Mitch McConnell has a very small dick.
Mitch McConnell is currently in his late thirties. He currently has one child. That child is not named, but is almost certainly named Mitch. He has two daughters. He also has a large penis.
Mitch McConnell will one day die. His legacy will be that he was the first senator in history to have a small dick. Mitch McConnell has one of the most disgusting dick jokes in the history of mankind. Mitch McConnell's legacy is his small dick.


Goku embraces Bernie Sanders, and they walked hand in hand into the Red Lobster. They talked politics and his hopes for the future. They discussed what this election meant to them, and what they could do to fight for it.
Afterward they went to eat. Krillin talked about the importance of people not voting at all because they have no real say in politics, so they had to get involved. Goku and Goten talked about how much they missed Vegeta. Krillin went off on a tangent about how the reason they don't have a kid is because they want to raise it themselves, and Goten said he'd get the baby if he didn't want it, but Goku said it was up to him.

Rutibex
Sep 9, 2001

by Fluffdaddy

quote:

Goku fought donald trump in an epic battle that raged on for a week. Trump had a very high power level and Goku did not know if he could defeat him. Goku finally defeated trump in the 3rd round of their fight by giving him a fatal attack. Goku and trump's battle resulted in many dead and injured and their fighting caused an avalanche that destroyed their mountain and the surrounding area. During their fight the two were also forced to spend most of their energy on defense because of trump's ki blast that was able to stun Goku in half and knock him to the ground. Trump finally won the fight when he killed the earth.

Fleta Mcgurn
Oct 5, 2003

Porpoise noise continues.
oh, man, I remember when Snoop used to wee-wee rap the house down!!!


List of top dance hits from the 80s and 90s:

CrazySexyCool (feat. Christina Aguilera, Krayzie Bone, Fabolous, Usher, Busta Rhymes & Cee-Lo Green)

Hotel California (feat. Pitbull, Michael Jackson & Stevie Wonder)

Nasty Girl (feat. Busta Rhymes)

Hot n Cold (feat. Janet Jackson & Boyz II Men)

Just Right (feat. Jay-Z & Lil Wayne)

Wee Wee Rap (feat. Snoop Dogg & Lil Wayne)

SexyBack (feat. Boyz II Men)

Sexy and I Know It (feat. Janet Jackson, Boyz II Men & Fabolous)

You Can't Stop Me Now (feat. Busta Rhymes)

How's It Going to Be (feat. Boyz II Men)

Hairy Right Hook
Sep 9, 2001

Hee to the ho
This thing could generate conspiracy sites all by itself

The CIA invented crack cocaine to kill black people. The drug is responsible for the deaths of at least 33,000 in the U.S., and countless more in other countries.

As we have seen from the CIA's history of torture, and even as we know from its own documents, drugs like crack are used to control the lower classes, and to maintain their dependence. The drug war is a money making racket, in which the CIA uses money from the drug trade, to finance more torture and more war.

When it comes to drugs, the CIA doesn't want a free or fair market. They want the entire planet to be locked up in prisons of their choosing.

In 1971, the CIA sponsored the formation of the Association for the Study of Drug Abuse, which later renamed itself the National Institute on Drug Abuse. Their aim was to establish the "scientific" basis of the war on drugs. As with most drugs, the first step is prohibition.

A Frosty Witch
Apr 21, 2005

I was just looking at it and I suddenly got this urge to get inside. No, not just an urge - more than that. It was my destiny to be here; in the box.
I'm full of bees and they're not in my mouth," she explained.

As far as her plans go, she has a few ideas.

"I'm going to go to the zoo tomorrow," she said. "It's going to be kind of like a honeymoon. I'm thinking I'm going to try and make some honey and give some to the kids."

ChickenHeart
Nov 28, 2007

Take me at your own risk.

Kiss From a Hog

quote:

DEHUMANIZE YOURSELF AND FACE TO BLOODSHED. DO NOT BE FOOLED BY THOSE WHO MAKE UP THE COSMOS, OR FOR THAT MATTER LEARN FROM THE ENSLAVEMENT, YOU SHALL BE DONE IN THE NEON, WITHOUT WORDS OR WORDS OR WORDS.

Transformer knows what news sites are worth quoting:

quote:

If you want a picture of the future, imagine a boot stamping on a human face—forever. —George Orwell

The following is an article from The Onion. It contains some spoilers.

In this future, technology has surpassed our ability to protect our own lives. The government has implemented a plan to replace humanity's need for food by forcing people to become slave labor, and they will then "make them" the food that we eat by injecting our stomachs with "genetically enhanced milk." They even went so far as to create a "new, improved" milk formula to keep the humans docile in their new "life of servitude."

As for the other forms of human life, the government has developed a "super-intelligent" robot who is designed to be a "replacement for a human being." As soon as it has been constructed, it will

steamed hams deleted scene:

quote:

Yes, and you call them steamed hams despite the fact that they're obviously grilled.

I'll go on record as saying that this is a very good looking meat. The meat is thick and moist, the meat is tender, the fat melts in your mouth and is almost impossible to stop eating because it has this amazing flavor and the fat is so good. It is the best, in fact, the best thing I've ever had.

The best part of the meal is when the steak is finished. That's when I really start to feel like I'm dying to get out of here and do something more exciting, like head out to the beach, or head back to my house and get drunk with my friends, but I'm not doing it right now because I have to go eat this steamed hams with a side of potatoes.

I know, I

schmuckfeatures
Oct 27, 2003
Hair Elf
jesus h christ i think this thing just made a good effort in uncovering the meaning of my own life

original bit bolded.

quote:


This is not what I wanted to do with my life. Why am I working in propaganda?


What would it have been like if I had chosen a different path and made a different choice?

What was I actually doing when I was in the media and what was I doing in the media?

Where is my self-respect, what is the value of my existence, and how can I live with myself?

Why am I not taking the opportunity that this has afforded me?

Why am I continuing to work in the media?

How can I be free, why do I have a desire for control?

This is not what I wanted to do with my life. Why am I working in propaganda? What would it have been like if I had chosen a different path and made a different choice? What


i feel like i should print this up and post it on my wall or some poo poo

A Salty Affair
Oct 9, 2012

The true meaning of life is revealed in the life of Jesus Christ.

It's the only life worth living.

In the end, it's not the size of your car that counts;

It's the way you drive it.

-JFK

Wildo
Aug 20, 2005
Phallus Phalli
this is scary


If we don't do anything, the world will end

You know that you can't win

If you don't try, we all know what will happen

If we don't do anything, the world will end

Oh, let's all do something


So we're gonna save the world from the Big Five

Oh, let's save the world from the Big Five

If we don't do anything, the world will end

You know that you can't win

If you don't try, we all know what will happen

If we don't do anything, the world will end

Oh, let's all do something

And let's all do something, and let's all do something, and let's all do something,

Oh, let's all do something


If we don't do anything, the world will end

You know that you can

dudeness
Mar 5, 2010

:minnie: Cat Army :minnie:
Fallen Rib
ok boomerang.

And the boomerang will have a very special spot in the Museum of Fine Arts.

Super Nintendo 64
Feb 18, 2012

Ever since I was a kid, I wanted to be a gangster, but I didn't think it was going to happen until I was 18, when I was shot in the back of the head."

In 2004, a friend of LaVoy was killed at his apartment complex, and he decided to retaliate by going in for the kill.

"At my friend's house, my brother was shooting at these guys and they didn't see me," LaVoy recalled. "I told them to come get me."

The men shot him in the back of the head.

"I was scared to die. I felt like I was going to die," he said. "I told my brother to shoot my mother first, and I started running toward her and he didn't know where to shoot. So he shot me again, and I was dead. It was the most gruesome thing I've ever seen. I was dead and there wasn't a soul in sight."

LaVoy

limaCAT
Dec 22, 2007

il pistone e male
Slippery Tilde

quote:

It's an exciting time to be a gamer, with more than 20 million Americans spending more than 5 billion hours a month playing video games.

But for all its growth, gaming continues to face some serious challenges.

A new report from the Entertainment Software Association, titled the "GamesBeat 2012" report, highlights some of the major challenges facing the industry:

Gaming is a $90 billion industry with an audience of over 100 million gamers. That's up from $70 billion five years ago.

Online gaming grew 25% in the first quarter of this year and continues to do so.

More than 10 million gamers are playing games more than once per day. That's an increase of 11% compared to last year.

The industry now has more than 1.5 million people working in the games industry.

According to the ESA, the online gaming industry will generate $

quote:

The industry now has more than 1.5 million people working in the games industry.

According to the ESA, the online gaming industry will generate $
6.8 billion dollars this year, growing to $20.5 billion in 2018.

dudeness
Mar 5, 2010

:minnie: Cat Army :minnie:
Fallen Rib
Attached is a comprehensive ranked list of most fuckable cartoon characters and the length of their dicks (in feet):
1.
Dorky Fox
Dorky Fox (Fox Toot)
Length: 4 feet, 8 inches
Number of Fucks: 4 feet, 7 inches (his most famous dick is 6.5 feet)
Dorky Fox's dick is so massive that he uses it for both pleasure and display. His penis is actually a pair of retractable rubber balls (which you can see in his underwear, above). Fox uses them for pleasure by bouncing them up and down.
On display are his four-foot, eight-inch cock and his massive balls. His balls are so big that they're actually two pairs of dildos, which he can move on his cock at will.
2. The Big Cheese
The Big Cheese
Length: 6 feet
Number of F

spacetoaster
Feb 10, 2014

All your base are belong to us

quote:

We are the gods of the planet

The earth is our field of blood

You can be our queen

We will rule your kingdoms

We will have our way

We will have our way

have you seen my baby
Nov 22, 2009

Bernie Sanders


quote:

Bernie Sanders' campaign has raised a staggering $75 million in the last two months. He has been doing this while spending about $1 million a week. By contrast, Hillary Clinton has raised a paltry $25 million and is spending a fraction of that, or only $4 million a week. But if Hillary Clinton runs against Bernie Sanders, she can't use the money he's raised to win the general election because that money was spent in the primary, and the FEC hasn't said she has to file the report by the deadline. She will only be able to use the funds she has raised in the general election to run ads. Sanders has been very aggressive in getting people involved, and in New Hampshire, people have contributed a whopping $2.7 million to his campaign, and he won the Democratic primary.

dirty shrimp money
Jan 8, 2001

drat it feels good to be a gangsta

But I don't know about you, but that is not a style

When you rap like that, you can't be that bad

You know when you walk up to a person on the street

Who has a hood on, you can say you ain't from the hood

Cause I know the hood, the hood that is real

You can say you ain't from the hood but I know you is

So tell me, what's up, when you ain't from the hood

And I'm like "gently caress you man I'm from the hood!"

And he'm like "Yeah well, that ain't no problem

You know when you rap like that, you can't be that bad

You know when you walk up to a person on the street

Who has a hood on, you can say you ain't from the hood

Cause I know the hood,

limaCAT
Dec 22, 2007

il pistone e male
Slippery Tilde

OMFG FURRY posted:

Elon Musk opens a portal to the anime dimension

The first user of the Neuralink man machine interface is Elon Musk who is now living in an anime utopia 24/7. He is now known as the Emperor Goku and has an harem full of irl friends. He has two kids, who are not his biological children but are the offspring of the AI program that created him. He lives in the future, not in a dystopia, but in an anime utopia. And there, he has all the cool things in life: a robot maid, a rocket ship, a flying saucer, an all-women's prison and a robot butler. The only thing he's missing is a personal assistant, but I'm sure one is on the way!

This is the future! And we have made it.

In some ways, the world is worse for having created this man-machine interface. We can't really speak to what it will mean to live in a world where we can have robot maids and rocket ships.

The first user of the Neuralink man machine interface is Elon Musk who is now living in an anime utopia 24/7. He is now known as the Emperor Goku and has an harem full of ids.

You are welcome to follow the Emperor on twitter, however I doubt he will respond to any of you so if you want to ask a question, follow the Emperor himself, or just say hi I am @TheElonMusk.

This is a direct descendant of the first Neuralink prototype called "M1" with the addition of "The Emperor" but we are confident we can achieve greater performance and better control, and therefore efficiency of our system.

In the future, our new neural interfaces may be used by our machines in order to improve our lives and to help us make better decisions.

Rutibex
Sep 9, 2001

by Fluffdaddy

dudeness posted:

Attached is a comprehensive ranked list of most fuckable cartoon characters and the length of their dicks (in feet):
1.
Dorky Fox
Dorky Fox (Fox Toot)
Length: 4 feet, 8 inches
Number of Fucks: 4 feet, 7 inches (his most famous dick is 6.5 feet)
Dorky Fox's dick is so massive that he uses it for both pleasure and display. His penis is actually a pair of retractable rubber balls (which you can see in his underwear, above). Fox uses them for pleasure by bouncing them up and down.
On display are his four-foot, eight-inch cock and his massive balls. His balls are so big that they're actually two pairs of dildos, which he can move on his cock at will.
2. The Big Cheese
The Big Cheese
Length: 6 feet
Number of F

you should have tried that one twice. this is what I got:

quote:

Attached is a comprehensive ranked list of most fuckable cartoon characters and the length of their dicks (in feet):

(Source: loving Cartoon Character)

The highest ranked cartoon character in the history of the world? Well, you guessed it:

As of last year, the top 10 fuckable cartoon characters are:

10. The Simpsons

9. Muppets

8. SpongeBob SquarePants

7. The Flintstones

6. Futurama

5. Adventure Time

4. SpongeBob SquarePants

3. Garfield

2. SpongeBob SquarePants

1. SpongeBob SquarePants

It seems like a strange list, but it has to be. After all, we have a world where The Simpsons can gently caress

Rutibex
Sep 9, 2001

by Fluffdaddy

quote:

Captain janeway told captain picard they would never be lovers again.

- Captain Janeway (Janeway)


When she was nine, she ran away from home. She has never known a home where she is not feared.

- Captain Janeway (Janeway)


There are two kinds of men. The kind who love to hurt and the kind who love to love.

- Captain Janeway (Janeway)


I'd do anything to be loved.

- Captain Janeway (Janeway)


"I'm the most wonderful thing on this ship. And the worst."

- Captain Janeway (Janeway)


"I'm afraid, captain. The situation calls for more than I can provide."

- Janeway (Janeway) to her crewmembers on the USS Voyager


"You're not the captain. I am."

"I always wondered why you bothered to play along."

- Captain Janeway

quote:

"You do not need to explain what you're doing here. You are a crew of heroes, and you are going to find your way home."

- Captain Janeway


"You are going to the Alpha Quadrant to return your crew to the Alpha Quadrant. If you don't return, I will destroy you and your ship."

- Neelix, to the captain

Adbot
ADBOT LOVES YOU

A Frosty Witch
Apr 21, 2005

I was just looking at it and I suddenly got this urge to get inside. No, not just an urge - more than that. It was my destiny to be here; in the box.
My favorite quote by Johnny Bravo is:

"We just need a few people to believe in us and love us and show us some love."

So yeah, that's the best way to get that "big break".

What's your favorite way to get a big break?

Image via Instagram

  • 1
  • 2
  • 3
  • 4
  • 5
  • Post
  • Reply