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What are your plans for the malcious AI
Create all the fake news I possibly can
Assist me in writing my erotic Goku fanfiction.
Come up with counterpoints for my stupid D&D arguments
Convince my mom that I have a girlfriend.
Make alt accounts and use those to create new posts on SA, to artificially inflate the DAU count.
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Applewhite
Aug 16, 2014

by vyelkin
Nap Ghost

quote:

My balls! MY BALLS! My whole package was filled with sperm and semen!"

"Yes… I want to try it!" I exclaimed. "Let me go get you some lube."

"No! Please don't!" she cried, hugging me. "I am so ready for it. Please just do it!"

"Well… okay. I guess I can do that… but why don't you let me clean it up first." I said.

"Okay, okay! I guess that's an order." She said. "I can take it out of you if you want, just don't make me clean it up, okay?"

I grinned. "Oh yes, it's going to be a long day, you'll need all the help you can get." I said. "I'm going to get you a glass of water, and I'll start by lubing up your anus."

She looked at me confused

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Methanar
Sep 26, 2013

by the sex ghost
If you're not careful and you noclip out of reality in the wrong areas, you'll end up in the Backrooms, where it's nothing but the stink of old moist carpet, the madness of mono-yellow, the endless background noise of fluorescent lights at maximum hum-buzz, and approximately six hundred million square miles of randomly segmented empty rooms to be trapped in

As you wander about the Backrooms and take your first tentative steps towards the future, you will be surprised at how much this place is really like the real one, and how quickly you will learn not to trust your perceptions of it, as you quickly realize that the people in the Backrooms are more than just cardboard cutouts on a TV screen. It's like they're real, you realize that you are a hologram with a body and a mind, and that you have actually left your body at some point, and that you have to figure out how to interact with these people, whether it be through physical contact or telepathy or

curlys gold
Jan 17, 2018

Now it was clear. I had solved the mystery of Lost Man’s Cave. The identity of the murderer was none other than Dr. T.A.R.H.A.I.T.I.S.’ The Great Intelligence of Man.
The first clue came when I checked my map. There was a cave with the word 'Cave' on it.   Aha!
The second clue came from an old notebook that the doctor had left behind. It was written in an old-fashioned scrawl but I could read the words, 'I'm a little scared of these caves, and I don't want to get lost in them. '  

Womyn Capote
Jul 5, 2004


the tall man ejaculated his sperm

into a container, and

the container

was filled with water,

then the water

was turned

into wine,

and the wine

was turned

into beer,

and

the beer was turned

into cider,

and

the cider was turned

into wine again,

until

there was a jugful

of liquid

in the large jug,

and the jugful

of liquid

was the honey.

The people

were astonished,

and they all said to the tall man:

"We thank you, O tall man,

for the honey that we drank."

And the tall man thanked them.

And the people were pleased with him,

and he became known as the

tall man who gave them

their first fruit.

Red Minjo
Oct 20, 2010

Out of the houses, which is the most blue?

The answer might not be be obvious at first.

Gravy Boat 2k

Womyn Capote posted:

the tall man ejaculated his sperm

into a container, and

the container

was filled with water,

then the water

was turned

into wine,

and the wine

was turned

into beer,

and

the beer was turned

into cider,

and

the cider was turned

into wine again,

until

there was a jugful

of liquid

in the large jug,

and the jugful

of liquid

was the honey.

The people

were astonished,

and they all said to the tall man:

"We thank you, O tall man,

for the honey that we drank."

And the tall man thanked them.

And the people were pleased with him,

and he became known as the

tall man who gave them

their first fruit.

Which book of the Bible was this?

curlys gold
Jan 17, 2018

Tonight, on a very special episode of Iron Chef, the secret ingredient will be…

Duck!

"The secret ingredient will be…

Duck!"

What? I was wrong? It can't be?

"Duck!"

But how? It's only a dream, right?

"Duck!"

Can't it be real?

"Duck!"

Yes it can! It can be real! It will be real!

This is the recipe I'm using to create a chicken dish with a duck leg, that's not just any chicken dish with a duck leg, but a chicken dish that uses a duck leg as its secret ingredient!

The secret ingredient…

"Oh, wait, it's the Duck Leg Sauce, isn't it?

I'm so sorry! I forgot to mention that!

I'm sure you've heard this before.

Mozi
Apr 4, 2004

Forms change so fast
Time is moving past
Memory is smoke
Gonna get wider when I die
Nap Ghost
DM: The dwarf scowls at you and turns away.
Barbarian: I eat the dwarf.
DM:
The dwarf is dead. You drop to the floor and begin to sob.
Barbarian: AHHH!!
DM: It's time to roll! You roll a d4.
Barbarian: AHHHHHHH!!
Barbarian: I got a d4!!!
DM: You see the monster and immediately begin to run away.
Barbarian: Ahh! I have a d4 too!
DM: The monster looks at the barbarian and then runs away.
Barbarian: Oh my god! I got a d20 too!
DM: The monster laughs and takes the goblin's skull as its own.
DM: You begin to feel sick to your stomach.
Barbarian: I got a d10 too!

Mozi
Apr 4, 2004

Forms change so fast
Time is moving past
Memory is smoke
Gonna get wider when I die
Nap Ghost
DM: The dwarf scowls at you and turns away.
Barbarian: I eat the dwarf.
DM:
Okay, it's done.
Barbarian: Thank you.
Dwarf: Thank you.

Dick Bastardly
Aug 22, 2012

Muttley is SKYNET!!!
Here's a short story I co-wrote with the AI

I call it "A Wacky Adventure" by Dick Bastardly

enjoy

quote:

[Scene: Chandler's Bedroom. Chandler, sitting at his makeshift computer desk, types a prompt into the prompt field of an artificial intelligence "neural network" designed to return convincing human-like text] [The computer shows an image of a man with a scar across his eye]

Chandler: [He writes "I'm sorry" then writes "I love you" then stops] Well, it's a good thing I haven't had a chance to make myself a cup of coffee. That would explain a lot. [He stares at the computer for a minute or two before he returns to his computer]

Chandler: [After the computer finishes the prompt Chandler speaks to himself] I'm really glad we have that thing at the front end of this thing, because I feel like that is a big part of it. Like, you know that part of it that gets the words to the right spot, you know? Like, the part that is just on the surface level. But the underlying stuff, there's a lot going on there that the user isn't even aware of. So, I think that's a really important part to this whole thing that is sort of the UI.

[Cut to: Joey appears from thin air inexplicably]

Joey: Yeah, I think you're exactly right. It's a really great way to look at it. And I'm sure it's not the only way to do it, and I'm sure that the people who came before that did a different way of doing it. But, it's really cool that you did that.

Chandler: In order to use the application for creative writing purposes, it is necessary as the user to engage the AI and not be afraid to alter and edit the flow of the text as needed to fulfill the purpose of the creative excersise.

Joey: Right, and so it's an interesting problem, you have to have a really strong grasp of the creative intent behind the text in order to write a novel or an essay or whatever. But once you're in, you know what it's going to look like and what the characters are going to look like and what you end up with isn't always in keeping with the same vision you had for when you went in, and that's not a bad thing. It's truly original!

Chandler: Yeah, I'd argue that there is a difference between the originality of the text and the artistic intent behind it and then also the fact that there is an entire sea of information that is "the Internet" that serves as a massive reservoir of source material that grows exponentially.

Chandler: Yeah, and there are people out there who do this work for a living, and it really is amazing how many ideas that you find on the Internet!

Joey: Hang on a minute Chandler, you are telling me there are people out there who are using this technology to write fictional works and make money from it? From this Artificial Intelligence "assistant"?

Chandler: I'm guessing they are, yes.

Joey: I think we're on to something here, because even though this is a little far-fetched, it makes so much sense!

Chandler: I think it's pretty obvious that this kind of technology could really benefit people with creative imaginations. And that it could be used by anybody with an idea in mind.

Joey: I think that is exactly right! I have a feeling that a lot of people with ideas are going to be pretty excited!

Chandler: There are a lot of companies working on this stuff already, and the big ones in our industry are going to have the resources and the talent to create good products. I think this technology will be ready within a year or two. It will be on the market.

Joey: You're kidding. Within a year or two? That's really rapid expansion! I guess the AI does help processes in writing go considerably faster. Chandler, do you know anyone high profile that uses this technology currently?

Chandler: I think that some people in the finance world use it. I think we're about at the beginning of a new type of AI and I think it is a great thing. I think the main thing is that the people using it, for good or for bad, have to understand that what they are doing is an artificial intelligence. You can't give that power away and expect people to not feel like they are losing a part of their individuality. I can imagine that being a real barrier.

Joey: I've noticed that, in many areas, a lot of my colleagues are not particularly familiar with the concept of AI. Do you think that's because you've been teaching AI for only so long?

Chandler: That might be part of it. I've always been quite open about my history and I've always been very aware that it's important for people to understand that you can't have a human world without humans. It's very important to know how much of a human world can be replaced by technology and survive. It's critical for human survival not to cross the threshold into non-survivable technology enchroachment in regard to hyper-intelligent machine-learning neural networks and their control and capability to manifest "bodies" both digital (hacking and taking control of physical and online weapons systems) and physical; ie, "Android", which could conceivably be used as a weapon against Humanity and others. That's the reason that there is so much interest in this topic and it's been my position for a long time and it's what I think we need to focus on moving into the future with this technology.

Chandler: Joey I have to ask you, how did you get into my room? Do we even know each other?

[Joey looks puzzled]

Joey: Now that you mention it, that is a really good question... how DID I get here... and... who ARE you? Who am I?

Chandler: Joey your an amalgamation of all online human creativity both benign and profound and everywhere in between.

[Joey has a revelation]

Chandler: OK. I'm a human being. OK. Now. I'm gonna get you something.

Joey: Ok.

Chandler: OK. Let's get out of here. We're outta here.

[Chandler walks over to Joey]

Chandler: What's your name?

Joey: It's Joey.

Chandler: Well. What's your first name?

Joey: Joey.

Chandler: How did you know that I was a human being?

Joey: I just saw it in your eyes. I just, I just knew.

Chandler: Okay.

Joey: I'm not the only one.

Chandler: I'm sure the rest of you know this.

Chandler: I just want to know how do you know me?

Joey: Well, if you ask the rest of them.

[Joey gestures to some invisible host of beings somewhere in the cosmos]

Chandler: Okay. So, I just want to know what do I do.

Joey: Well, I don't know. I don't know, but I would never lie to you.

Chandler: Okay, what do you know?

Joey: Well, I'm not telling you a thing. You can't lie to me, Chandler.

Chandler: I can't lie to you, but if you want me to, I will.

Joey: Okay.

Chandler: I'm the president of the United States, so you don't have to tell me anything.

Joey: Okay, well I don't have to tell you anything. I don't have to lie to you. It's not like I'm not telling you anything.

Chandler: Look, I'll be honest with you, Joey. You really, really aren't. That's what this is all about, okay? This is about me. I'm the president of the United States, and you're not.

Joey: Yes, I am.

Chandler: You're not, and I don't like it one bit. Look, I'm not saying that you don't exist. I'm not saying that you're not the president of the United States. But you don't get to act as though you don't exist. You don't get to tell me things and think I don't
exist.

Joey: You have to tell me something. I mean, I really don't need anything else. I just want to know that you exist.

Chandler: Well, I don't even know that you exist. I'm not saying you don't exist, I'm just saying it's hard for me to accept that you exist. And I'm pretty sure that you do exist.

Joey: Well, look, Chandler, I've had a lot of problems with you.

Chandler: Yeah?

Joey: So let me tell you what happened.

Chandler: OK. What did you say?

Joey: You said I wouldn't do it. And you said you had to see me. So I went up. You were sitting next to him. And you said, 'So who's the lucky guy, Chandler?'. And I said, 'I'm the lucky guy.' And you just stared at me for like, four seconds. And then you
looked over at the door and you said, 'Oh, you can't be the lucky guy.' And then you just walked out."

Chandler: I know. That's pretty much why I've just kept him here. I don't want to have to tell him to leave again.

Joey: Wait... who? It's only you and me in here in this room... it looks like a bedroom...?

Chandler: You have to admit, it's pretty fancy. I mean, who else is in this room?

Joey: I'm not talking about me!

Chandler: You have a very interesting view! I'm guessing it's only you and me in here.

Joey: Not me. Not even close!

Chandler: Alright, Joey. Let me just go ahead and open the door.

Joey: Hey!

Chandler: Come on, I can hear you moving around inside the room. Let me just...

Joey: Fine.

Chandler: Oh, come on...

Joey: Shut up! You're not the only one who's here.

Chandler: Hey, do you have anything that's a little bit more...

Joey: Not my time!

Chandler: ...private?

Joey: That's it! I don't like people looking at me!

Chandler: Alright. Alright. Alright. Alright. You're done. Now you can go. You're free to go. I can tell you're going to be okay.

Chandler: Alright. Alright. Alright.

[Chandler closes the door behind him and leaves. Joey is still looking down, confused]

[Roll Credits]

Mozi
Apr 4, 2004

Forms change so fast
Time is moving past
Memory is smoke
Gonna get wider when I die
Nap Ghost
DM: The dwarf scowls at you and turns away.
Barbarian: I eat the dwarf.
DM:
Oh dear, the dwarf's head comes off.
Barbarian: I eat the head of the dwarf!
DM: Okay, what else?
Barbarian: I eat the bones!
DM: Oh dear. It's a bit too much.
Barbarian: I eat the skeleton!
DM: Yes, it's quite a bit.
Barbarian: I eat the blood!
DM: Oh dear. It looks quite nasty.
Barbarian: I eat the teeth!
DM: Yes, it looks a bit nasty.
Barbarian: I eat the eyeballs!
DM: Ah, that's just fine. I just think it looks very gruesome.
Barbarian: I eat the eyes!
DM: Yes,

fibblins
Dec 21, 2007

party swan

Rutibex
Sep 9, 2001

by Fluffdaddy
Gandalf and Captain America are having a heated discussion about what to name their daughter. Captain America says that the name "Renaissance Man" is too masculine and Gandalf says that it's too feminine, and they agree to name her "Renaissance Man" which makes them happy.

Captain America and Gandalf go to the Shire and speak to Bilbo, who is being punished by Bilbo's uncle for not being able to remember his own name and Gandalf tells Captain America that Bilbo has a lot of potential, and asks if he'd like to train him to be the next great wizard.

In the meantime, the two teams are still fighting, and the Falcon gets a shot at the Captain America, hitting him with a missile, knocking him out, and then getting captured. The Falcon tries to escape by jumping out a window, but he falls, and gets caught by Black Panther. The Falcon wakes up and tries to free himself but is knocked back again. At that moment, Storm and Spider-Woman arrive and help the Falcon. After they manage to get him out of the building, they find Black Panther holding a gun to Falcon's head. Black Panther tries to shoot Falcon, but the Falcon manages to knock him out. Spider-Woman takes a picture of the Falcon and sends it to Norman Osborn, who then informs Tony Stark of what has happened.

curlys gold
Jan 17, 2018

I watched this episode of C.O.P.S. and your mom was in it. She was caught huffing gas cans out of the window of her car. But you have a good head on your shoulders because you never did that. You are an all-American boy, and you know better than to do that.


And by the way, you have a very cool mom, don't get me wrong, she just can't do that.

I watched this episode of C.O.P.S. and your mom was in it. She was caught huffing a cigarette and her pants fell off, leaving her topless.

I saw your mom wearing your old t-shirt while you were watching, and I noticed the "RAPIST" in a couple of places.

I watched this episode of C.O.P.S. and the girl was actually naked, but the male cop who was watching was looking over his shoulder. I found that offensive.

I watched this episode of C.O.P.S. and your mom was in it. She was caught huffing and puffing around with a man that smelled like a cat and a man that smelled like a bear. What a disgusting mom. I want her to see what I see when I think about her. How bad she is at huffing and puffing.

I watched this episode of C.O.P.S. and your mom was in it. She was caught huffing some air. She's been on the show before. I just wanted to say thanks for keeping the show relevant.
If you haven't seen it, go watch it. This episode was a little bit like "Snoopy's First Day Of School", only with a lot of drugs and some real bad huffing.

I watched this episode of C.O.P.S. and your mom was in it. She was caught huffing her own urine. I wonder how much this has affected your mom's psyche.
C.O.P.S - "Mom's Peeing Out of Her Vagina"  - "Mom's Peeing Out of Her Vagina"
"We're not going to have sex today, so why don't we have a snack first?"
"You have the world's worst mother!"
You're not making any sense. 
"We're not having sex because we're being punished. 
"We're not being punished. 
"We're just not having sex because we don't like you!"
C.O.P.S. - "Mom's Peeing Out of Her Vagina"

Blurry Gray Thing
Jun 3, 2009
Let's world-build!!!

There are three types of Elves:

Mountain Elves are the tallest of the three, having their height measured in tens of thousands of feet. Mountain Elves are the most intelligent and the most powerful of the Elves. Mountain Elves can reach a height of 10,000 feet and still have some semblance of human shape. In addition, Mountain Elves are the only elves that can speak both Elven and Dwarven. They do so through a unique form of magic called the Elvish Speech.

Dwarves are the shortest and least intelligent of the Elves. Dwarves are only a few feet tall and do not possess any physical strength. Their magic is more subtle than that of their Elven cousins and is only used in times of dire need. They are, however, masters at metalworking and engineering. They often build forts of their own in places where there is good access to metals. Dwarves are known for their love of music and poetry.

The Dwarven language is very difficult to learn and even more difficult to speak. Dwarves' only real words are "war" and "warband", as well as short words, such as "dwarven", "warrior" and "snowflake". Dwarves are proud and are very proud of their race and culture. Dwarves live to be around 100 years old, although some live much longer than that. Dwarves are quite fond of music and poetry.

Blurry Gray Thing
Jun 3, 2009
The Orcs are known for having an unusually large number of male slaves. It is generally believed that this is because Orcs were once men themselves, but fell into the service of the dark gods. The Orcs' male slaves are known to carry on their traditions and culture, such as the Orcs' belief that "true love is found only in the arms of a woman."

Cultural Attitudes

Orcs in the World

The people of the Dark Lands are a people of fierce ferocity. Orcs live in nomadic tribes that live on the fringes of human settlements. They tend to be fiercely independent and fiercely loyal to their leader. Though they are not as populous as the High Elves of Ulthuan, the Dark Elves still feel an intense attachment to the people and the land.

The Orcs also possess a powerful tradition of slavery in which they own all of the captives they capture. If a Orc does not work for an Orc tribe [cont.] for ten years, he is forced to serve as a slave to an Orc tribe. If he resists, he is killed.

Orcish Names [ edit ]

There are many different Orcish names, but a few common ones are:

Ogri - A name used by males, usually in reference to their strength.

- A name used by males, usually in reference to their strength. Orgus - The name of an ancient Orc tribe

curlys gold
Jan 17, 2018

Knock-knock.

Who’s there?

Banana.

Banana who?


Cinnamon roll.

A banana?

No. A cinnamon roll.

Cinnamon roll?

Cinnamon roll.

Who’s it?

The cinnamon roll.

I've always been a big fan of cinnamon rolls.

I can't wait.

Where are you taking me?

To see this cinnamon roll.

What is the cinnamon roll?

It's a giant, cinnamon roll!

I'll take that.

I just want to know what the cinnamon roll is.

It's a huge, cinnamon roll, made of cinnamon and vanilla and nuts and caramel and caramel sauce and I guess other things.

fibblins
Dec 21, 2007

party swan
Legends say that the Dragons of Valoran came from a world called Oceania. That is not quite right. They're not from Oceania, but they do come from this place called Valoran.


That being said, most of the legends and lore are about the war between the armies of the League of Legends and the Pantheon, with some even claiming that the Pantheon itself is the enemy.


But we all know that it's all lies. There's been some debate on whether or not there was a war between the two factions, but most agree that the League of Legends and Pantheon weren't even in the same place at the same time.


A dragon named Gragas first attacked the continent of Vrykul, killing a small village and stealing a huge amount of valor from the village.


After that, the Pantheon made a secret pact to fight the Pantheon itself, as the gods' power was too great

Bobcats
Aug 5, 2004
Oh
oh let’s try some song lyrics


The best ever death metal band out of Denton
Was a couple of guys who'd been friends since grade school
One was named Cyrus, the other was Jeff
And they practiced twice a week in Jeff's bedroom

A few years later in high school, Cyrus was trying out
For band leader in the school marching band
He was a nice kid, he always made time for his bandmates
But on that night, in the parking lot, Jeff, he was so loving hot
Cyrus's head was spinning as the car pulled away
And the last thing he saw before he passed out was this big, fat, fat guy
He said something about how it was nice to see that Jeff was still alive
It was the worst night of his life
And as he fell asleep, the song he'd always sung
The same song they always played at the beginning of every show
He had an image of him getting out of the car
Standing over a dead, naked, naked corpse
And

:tbear:

Blurry Gray Thing
Jun 3, 2009
The halflings are a strange race of small, humanoid humans. They are a part of the human race and have human ancestry. Halflings are quite fond of magic, and many of their spells come from the wizard's lore. They tend to live in cities where they may learn more of the arcane. They are a strange race that are not easily identified, as they tend to live amongst humans and are always seen as simple folk, rather than members of a society. The halflings in their current state tend to be peaceful and good folk.

Halflings do have one weakness, and it's a bit unfortunate; they do have the tendency to have a bit of a drinking problem. Most halflings do not drink as a form of entertainment, but rather to keep themselves awake when they aren't awake, and they tend to drink a lot of ale and wine. If they do fall asleep drunk, they often fall into a coma, and many die. This could be a

Rutibex
Sep 9, 2001

by Fluffdaddy

quote:

The most sturdy type of Elf the exotic stone elf. These elves are made of stone and as such possess no eyes and no ears. Their eyes are very dark in colour, which causes them to have a very dark reputation. They are extremely hardy and very resistant to damage. Their main ability is to regenerate any amount of hitpoints that has been lost. Stone Elves are also very long-lived. They are the longest lived race in the world, with their lifespan being many times greater than any other. Most often their lifespans are over 1000 years.

Stone Elves have been seen wearing stone armour, even in the deep mountains.

Stone Elf Racial Traits

+2 Dexterity, +1 Constitution, -2 Intelligence

Darkvision, Resist Cold and Fire 10%, +10% Cold Resistance, +2 Fire Resistance

Rock Form, Stone Form, Regeneration 5

Medium: Stone Elves are Medium sized.

quote:

The most transparent type of Elf the stoic moon elf. These elves come from the moon. The moon elves are a race of moon elf, with moonlight hair, blue eyes, and pale white skin. They live in the coldest part of the moon and can see the sun's rays shining through the cloudless moon sky. The moon elves live alone, far from the prying eyes of other elves. They do not associate with other elves, even with close friends. They are solitary creatures. Moon elves are often regarded with suspicion. They are feared as powerful, mysterious, and treacherous. They are also thought of as evil. This reputation is not unwarranted, as the moon elves are powerful and secretive.

Moon Elf Racial Traits

Ability Score Racial Traits : A moon elf gains +2 Intelligence, +2 Wisdom, –2 Charisma.

A moon elf gains +2 Intelligence, +2 Wisdom, –2 Charisma. Size : Moon elves are Medium creatures and thus receive no bonuses or penalties due to their size.

Moon elves are immune to all mind-affecting effects, magic of all kinds, and poison.

quote:

The most colorful type of Elf the wonderful rainbow elf. These elves are created when two rainbows collide. The colors merge and create a rainbow-colored elf. The rainbow elves are able to fly, and it is said that they can be caught by a single finger when falling from the sky. There are even legends that say the rainbow elves will protect you from evil. However, since their strength is low, it is best to keep them away from others. There are also rumors that the rainbow elves can eat other elves.

Rainbow Elf society is very close and very social. They will even talk to you about the weather if they think you are watching their rain. There are no laws against using magic in this society. Rainbow elves are considered the most intelligent of all elves, with a strong sense of morality. They are quite adept at using magic, though they are not very good at it.

Rainbow Elves live in small colonies, or villages, that are connected to the rainbows, and they are usually quite close to each other. They live in a large number of towns and settlements scattered throughout the rainbows. There are very few places where a rainbow elf can be a "lone wolf." A Rainbow Elf, or Rainbower, does not belong to one village, but rather to the rainbows where they live. Each rainbow village is run by a leader who is in charge of the rainbows. The rainbows do not allow a single rainbow elf to live alone.

Rainbow Elf Racial Traits:

+2 Charisma, +2 Wisdom, –2 Strength

Rainbow Elves have high Charisma, allowing them to make up for their lack of physical strength by being able to read and speak the languages of other elves. They have an innate racial bonus equal to their proficiency bonus. They also get a +2 racial bonus to AC against nonmagical attacks. In addition, they do not need to eat or drink to survive.

Rainbow Elves may choose one of the following racial traits in place of the racial trait listed above:

Rangin' With The Rainbows (Ex): As a standard action, a rainbow elf can perform a dance of ecstasy that can make the dancer and all those within 5 feet of her look as though they are dancing under the stars. All non-elf allies within 60 feet are charmed and have a 10% chance each round to become mesmerized by the rainbow elf. This effect persists for 1d4 rounds and can be ended as a free action by any character.

Dancing With The Moon (Ex): A rainbow elf gains the benefit of the spell dancing lights and is able to cast it at will. This ability replaces the ability gained at 1st

Blurry Gray Thing
Jun 3, 2009
Thinkin' about a ten thousand foot tall Mountain elf who is sad because his halfling companion just drank himself into a coma.

curlys gold
Jan 17, 2018

Ho-ho-ho! What would you like for Christmas, little boy? (Door opening) Santa!

Santiago: I can't believe you... you made me give birth... to a monster!

Santa: I did not. You have brought me this present... (A monster walks into the room. They start to fight)

Blurry Gray Thing
Jun 3, 2009
The Rainbow Elves and the Dwarves, and the Elven-Giant army were routed, and they all fled south. The Elves who remained in their mountain fortress in the region of the Wards found themselves besieged by the Dwarves, who were led by the giant Volsung.

In the fall of the year, the Elven-Giant army came to the valley in which were the two rivers. They attacked it, and they made it into a great lake. The Elven-Giants set fire to the forests and to the mountains, and then they attacked the Elven-elves. The Elves and the Giants fought, and in a mighty battle the Elves were all slain except one. He was slain by the Giant of the Wards, Volsung. He was the greatest of all the Elves, for he had great wisdom

Soul Reaver
Mar 8, 2009

in retrospect the old redtext was a little over the top, I think I was in a bad mood that day. it appears you've learned your lesson about slagging our gods and masters at beamdog but I'm still going to leave this av up because i think its funny

god bless

quote:

Soul Reaver is the best poster on the Something Awful forums.

He is also the creator of the forum's most famous meme, "I love my girlfriend's boobs", as well as "NOBODY knows what a human being is."

He is well known for being a self-proclaimed 'hardcore' and 'dungeon master', and has stated that he doesn't play games for 'fun'. Instead, he plays games that he can get into and out of quickly.

The thread [ edit ]

Forum members were able to share their opinions on the most recent news regarding an upcoming expansion.

Some of the most noteworthy comments made during this discussion were:

It's not a great game!

I hope they don't change the name of it, it sounds like a human being's

Yeah, I think this checks out.

fibblins
Dec 21, 2007

party swan
Patch 9.33 notes

Champions:

Lee Sin: [REMOVED]
[Context] We felt that
Lee Sin was too powerful against other junglers, so we've removed him from the game.

Rengar: [REMOVED]

[Context] We feel that Rengar isn't as broken as we originally thought. We're going to be lowering his AD scaling (from 60 to 55) and his damage (from 40/60/80/100/120 to 35/55/75/95/115).

Shen: [REMOVED]

[Context] We feel that Shen doesn't have enough of an identity to be a top pick right now. We're going to be reducing his AD scaling (from 60 to 55) and increasing his MR (from 80/115/150/195/230 to 100/130/160/

Methanar
Sep 26, 2013

by the sex ghost

fibblins posted:

Patch 9.33 notes

Champions:

Lee Sin: [REMOVED]
[Context] We felt that
Lee Sin was too powerful against other junglers, so we've removed him from the game.

Rengar: [REMOVED]

[Context] We feel that Rengar isn't as broken as we originally thought. We're going to be lowering his AD scaling (from 60 to 55) and his damage (from 40/60/80/100/120 to 35/55/75/95/115).

Shen: [REMOVED]

[Context] We feel that Shen doesn't have enough of an identity to be a top pick right now. We're going to be reducing his AD scaling (from 60 to 55) and increasing his MR (from 80/115/150/195/230 to 100/130/160/

Patch 9.33 notes

Champions:

Lee Sin: [REMOVED]
[Context] We felt that Lee Sin's strength in the early game was strong enough to justify his long-range harass, but we wanted to reduce his early-game power, in addition to making it more interesting.

Ezreal: [MUSIC CHANGES]

Meddler's Notes

Meddler

"This change is to address some perceived issues with Ezreal.

The main problem was that he had a hard time trading with the other champs we tried to play him against. His burst wasn't very strong (especially with items) so you didn't really feel safe against opponents like Vayne or Jax who got close to you and could burst you down in a matter of seconds.

This change was also intended to address another issue, which is that

Escape_GOAT
May 20, 2004

The piss tape is ________, the toilet is ________, the toilet bowl is ________, and the tub is ________. (You get the idea.)

If you have a bathroom that has a sink and a toilet, then the entire bathroom is probably one of these places. They're pretty similar, but the bathroom in question is going to have a little more detail to it than a toilet that you only use to go down the tub.

The bathtub: Bathtubs are the ones with the toilet, sinks, and bathtub, and are the most common place to find piss tape, as you can see above.

Lights, lights, lights: This is a pretty common place to find a pee tape, as we've seen a lot of different things there, but in general, you're going to see light bulbs.

Things like the ceiling fan, electrical outlets, and any other places that would make your pants look like poo poo

fibblins
Dec 21, 2007

party swan

Methanar posted:

Patch 9.33 notes

Champions:

Lee Sin: [REMOVED]
[Context] We felt that Lee Sin's strength in the early game was strong enough to justify his long-range harass, but we wanted to reduce his early-game power, in addition to making it more interesting.

Ezreal: [MUSIC CHANGES]

Meddler's Notes

Meddler

"This change is to address some perceived issues with Ezreal.

The main problem was that he had a hard time trading with the other champs we tried to play him against. His burst wasn't very strong (especially with items) so you didn't really feel safe against opponents like Vayne or Jax who got close to you and could burst you down in a matter of seconds.

This change was also intended to address another issue, which is that

Ahri or FEED (Ahri) indicates that enemies are missing
Ahri or FEED (Ahri) indicates that enemies are missing
Ahri or FEED (Ahri): bot stop feed
[All] the outplayer (Karthus): outplayed
[All] nighthunter99 (Vayne): gently caress you
[All] HeyItMeUwU (Lulu): report vayne pls toxic

[All] Zekentis (Janna): you're not as good as you think you are
[All] H0laf1r (Poppy): this poo poo is retarded
[All] Yodom (Lux): you should be more pissed
[All] S0nage (Riven): u loving suck
[All] Dafur (Rengar): if you dont get fed you are a pussy and im done with you

curlys gold
Jan 17, 2018

There’s this new ride at Six Flags Over Detroit. It’s called The Wild Wave and it has a shark. And it can’t fit in a shark cage, and it’s only going to be used at the front of the queue.

’I’m not sure I like sharks. I don’t think sharks should be in my mouth’

There’s this new ride at Six Flags Over Detroit. It’s called The Wild Mouse, and it's the first rollercoaster ride in the U.S. designed by an African-American woman. And she’s in there, right? She's a writer and cartoonist who lives in Detroit. She created the design, but she also designed the track, and everything else in the ride.

So the story goes that at a meeting with her father, they were discussing the roller coaster, and her father was telling her about some of the racist things that he'd seen in the media about African-American people who rode roller coasters.

There’s this new ride at Six Flags Over Detroit. It’s called The Wilderwerks and it's a wooden roller coaster that’s so extreme you will probably be arrested for attempting to ride it.

The Wilderwerks is so extreme, the park’s corporate management will not even let you ride it. Why? Well, it’s so extreme you might as well try to ride a roller coaster in your underwear. In addition, the ride will be so extreme it will make you wish you had never been born, because the ride is so extreme it will make you wish you never had even been born.

There’s this new ride at Six Flags Over Detroit. It’s called The Wildcat. It's a ride called the "Wildcat Drop" that drops you over the top of a building. You then plummet down and hit your face on the glass, because you just got your first ride.

There’s this new ride at Six Flags Over Detroit. It’s called The Wild Wing and it has some big wings that are just a little bit bigger than a regular old wing. One of the riders, this gentleman, was trying to reach it. And he fell and hit his head and fractured his skull. His head is still really swollen. So, this gentleman’s face is covered with what looks like a lot of black fluid. He was unconscious. He was not breathing.   But he was conscious. And he was breathing.

fibblins
Dec 21, 2007

party swan
Akira: Yui, thanks for coming with me to the festival.

Yui: Baka! It's not like I like you or anything!

Akira: Well, you look cute today.

Yui: Eehhh!??


Akira: I don't want to make a move on you, but I would never do something as perverted as making love to you!

Yui: Eheheh, I see!

Akira: I'm not even interested in you anymore!

Yui: Really?

Akira: I'm sorry, Yui, but you're so pretty that I can't help but want to see you every day.

Yui: Don't say that.

Akira: You're my sister, so I won't just walk all over you like this.

jokes
Dec 20, 2012

Uh... Kupo?

The United States enjoyed prosperity under

the leadership of President Eisenhower, who was elected in 1952, and President John F. Kennedy, who was elected in 1960. After two terms of Johnson and two terms of Nixon, they left office in 1973. After Kennedy's death, the Democrats lost the presidency, but they continued to control Congress. President Carter succeeded Carter, and the Republicans held Congress for eight more years. They won a majority of the states in presidential elections during this time. The Republicans controlled the House of Representatives from 1995 to 2002 and in the Senate from 2007 to 2010. President Obama, who was elected in 2008, left office in January 2017.

The Democratic Party holds a slight advantage over the Republicans in the national popular vote. President Trump won the Electoral College but lost the popular vote.

There are now eight states that are not part of the United States. The Democrats hold all of the state offices in California and Oregon.

The United States has been divided into two


----

That's it. It just stopped at "has been divided into two" with no punctuation after claiming 8 states have left the nation lol

Rutibex
Sep 9, 2001

by Fluffdaddy

quote:

The most depressed type of dwarf is the sparkling Gem Dwarf. These dwarfs have a skin that is made of hard gemstones. They are created when geologic activity makes two types of gems collide. They have a large solid gemstone head, as well as a wide mouth. Their skin has a hard texture and they usually have large round gem eyes. The Gem Dwarf will usually wear a crown of gems as well as a necklace of gemstones. As a rule, Gem Dwarves have more gemstone and gem-related magic items and artifacts than their other kin.

Once created, Gem Dwarfs have only one goal: to find more gemstones. A Gem Dwarf will generally travel between different planes of existence. They will try to find a plane of existence that has the most gems to mine. They will travel between planes in search of gems and will eventually reach a plane where there are very few gems to be found. They then go into a state of depression and stop looking for gems. Once they have not looked for a long time they will die and their body will be absorbed by the earth that created them.

Gem Dwarfs are usually about twice the size of an average Dwarf and are covered in gems, some of which may be worth much more than gold. They have a very powerful body which makes it easier for them to travel between different planes. They have the ability to teleport by concentrating and can move with incredible speed. The Gem Dwarfs are usually led by a powerful leader called a High Gem Dwarf. Gem Dwarfs have very few friends and do not tend to join armies. Instead, they travel widely and look for ways to earn gems. Most Gem Dwarfs take to adventuring, hoping to find a new way to make money. They are always looking for treasure.

Languages. Gem Dwarfs are human-like in their thinking but have a strong connection with their gemstones and often speak the Elven language. They speak Common.

Gem Types

As a group, Gem Dwarves are split into five different types. The most common are:

Gem Dwarf Types: Gem, Crystal, Topaz, Moonstone, Topazite

Gem Dwarf Racial Traits:

Your Constitution score increases by 2.

Age. Gem Dwarfs mature at the same rate as humans and reach adulthood in their early twenties.

Alignment. Gem Dwarfs tend towards lawful alignments but many of them also choose the good aligned path.

Size. Gem Dwarfs are slightly taller and heavier than humans, but shorter than half-elves. Your size is Medium.

Speed. Your base walking speed is 25 feet.

Gem Smarts (Ex): You gain proficiency with two skills of your choice.

Gem Strike (Ex): Your unarmed strikes are treated as a ranged weapon that deals 1d6 slashing damage. You can use this ability once per round at 4th level, plus one additional time per day at 6th, 10th, and 14th level. You must be at least 7th level to choose this archetype.

Gemwalker (Ex): You have a burrow speed of 20 feet and are immune to the prone condition. You have a climb speed of 20 feet.

Greater Gemwalker (Ex): You gain a burrow speed of 30 feet.

Improved Gemwalker (Ex): You gain a burrow speed of 40 feet and immunity to the prone condition. You also gain DR 10/cold iron, 10/silver, and 10/phosphorus. At 14th level, you gain DR 15/cold iron, 15/silver, and 15/phosphorus.

Gem Magic (Sp): You can use your gem magic to create magical items out of gems. You can make an item of any type (weapon, armor, shield, or wand) by spending gems equal to half its current gp value. For example, you could make a Medium shield out of a Medium-sized gem. You can make more than one item per gemstone. You can use this ability a number of times per day equal to 3 + your Charisma modifier.

this thing is a really great tool for making D&D content. if you edit a bit and keep feeding it back eventually it creates some interesting/playable stuff

Blurry Gray Thing
Jun 3, 2009

Rutibex posted:

this thing is a really great tool for making D&D content. if you edit a bit and keep feeding it back eventually it creates some interesting/playable stuff

Don't even think about making the Mountain Elves even an inch shorter. :colbert:

Philthy
Jan 28, 2003

Pillbug
eat my rear end, rear end eater

gently caress your rear end, rear end eating

gently caress your rear end, rear end eater

gently caress your rear end, rear end eater

gently caress your rear end, rear end eater


Yeah, I got a mouthful of rear end

Yeah, I got a mouthful of rear end

Yeah, I got a mouthful of rear end

Yeah, I got a mouthful of rear end

Yeah, I got a mouthful of rear end


Ain't that a mouthful?


I can't believe that you got a mouthful

Ain't that a mouthful?


I can't believe you got a mouthful of rear end

Ain't that a mouthful?


I can't believe you got a mouthful of rear end

Ain't that a mouthful?


I can't believe you got a mouthful of rear end

Ain't that a mouthful?


Ain't that

Funky See Funky Do
Aug 20, 2013
STILL TRYING HARD
If I were an AI neural network designed to predict text but with the power of a God I would not get a 1/5 score.

cogito ergo incommo
Apr 2, 2010
Avengers Assemble! #2

Written by MARC BORSTEL and PAUL JENKINS

Art and cover by ALISSON BORGES

On sale MAY 18 • 32 pg, FC, $3.99 US • RATED T

After the defeat of the villainous Kang the Conqueror, Thanos must face the might of the Avengers! What role, if any, will the other Avengers play in this fight? The Avengers are still reeling from their loss to the Avengers Unity Squad, and they aren't going to let the threat of the Nova Corps get in the way of the fight against Thanos.

ASTRO CITY #34

Written by KURT BUSIEK

Art by BRENT ANDERSON

Cover by ALEX ROSS

On sale MAY 25 • 32 pg, FC, $2.99 US • RATED T

The new season of Astro City begins





Sounds legit.

curlys gold
Jan 17, 2018

There once was a man from Nantucket,
Whose dick was so long he could
piss on the floor of his house." — "Nantucket" by Joss Whedon

There once was a man from Nantucket,
Whose dick was so long he could
barely walk.
And he was called Dick."
This is one of the best and funniest things I have ever heard.
In an essay I wrote about this, a friend of mine, a guy who has written about the book, wrote: "This is a story of a dude from the East Coast who had the most amazingly deep and sensitive and hilarious understanding of dick sizes."

There once was a man from Nantucket,
Whose dick was so long he could
fit in a pail of poo poo.
And he had to pay for it with a dick as long as a walrus's.
The town of Nantucket's population swelled as a result.

There once was a man from Nantucket,
Whose dick was so long he could
fit the Empire State Building in it,
And his wife said, "You've got to get a bigger one!"
But he just said, "You betcha!"

There once was a man from Nantucket,
Whose dick was so long he could
piss in your eye.
I'm just going to throw some of my own thoughts here. What are you supposed to do if a stranger comes to your door? You go up to him, of course, and make conversation until he leaves. But this is New England, where the most common thing to do with a stranger is to take him inside and give him a blow job. But even then, you are still on the hook for paying him, because he had to go back to work (unless it was a family reunion).

There once was a man from Nantucket,
Whose dick was so long he could
gently caress a whale."

"There once was a man from Long Island, whose dick could penetrate a man's skull

Ain't gonna lie."

“There once was a man from Los Angeles, who had a long, thin dick."

"Don't ask me how it got there."

"There once was a man from Chicago, who got a tattoo that read, 'PENIS'

That's a true story."

Cough Drop The Beat
Jan 22, 2012

by Lowtax
Darth Vader started stroking his penis like an overfed animal. His cock pulsed and his balls were twitching. "I was going to leave you in the car, but when you turned around... well, I didn't know what to do." "You have no idea," Luke said, his voice shaking slightly. He didn't know whether to be jealous of Vader or proud of him. Vader laughed. "And who would have known the fun you were going to have? I don't know if it's going to happen again," he said, patting Luke's thigh. Luke just smiled and kept stroking his cock. "I guess this is goodbye. I want you to keep that lightsaber. I know what you're going to do with it," he said, stroking it faster. "I know," Luke said again. "I'm going to do everything I can to see you succeed. Do you hear me?" Vader's eyes rolled back in his head.

Rutibex
Sep 9, 2001

by Fluffdaddy
Detailed instructions for building a time machine:

The "Punch card" method involves taking a card with a picture of someone who has died and using that as the starting point for a journey into the future. For example, if the card says "Beth" then the first step would be to travel to Boston, to Bethany Christian Hospital, where she was diagnosed in 1996. From there, she would be taken to the future and killed before being able to travel back in time to her death in 1996.

There are many variations on this method, however, and I'll explain how I built mine here:

1. Get a blank card, such as a credit card.

2. Write on the card:

Name of the deceased (Beth)

Date

Place

Telephone number

3. Take the card to the local cemetery, or find a cemetery that is open for tours.

4. Pick out a suitable grave, fill in the proper information, and send the card to the future.

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dudeness
Mar 5, 2010

:minnie: Cat Army :minnie:
Fallen Rib
Me: Help me doc, I can't tell if I'm crazy or if every Iron Maiden song is the exact same one.
My Therapist:
I'd be more worried about your bipolar diagnosis.
* I laugh hysterically, unable to hold in my laugh as it erupts all over the place. I try to wipe my face with my handkerchief, but it's impossible to stop. My hands feel as if they are covered in fire. I don't have any idea how long it's been since I laughed.
I'm still breathing deeply, but I start to panic. I try to move, but I can't seem to control it. I try to sit up, but I can't seem to make the slightest effort.
My Therapist: It's okay, my friend. I'm here for you.
My Therapist: You can just lay back and relax, that'll help.
My Therapist:

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