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Uh well little Timmy, it's time your dad has "the talk" with you son... We can all hold our farts in like normal rear end humans. What's wrong with you son? I'm sending you to a boys' home in west texas. You disappoint me Timmy. I dunno if everybody can hold farts for hours, but I have never heard of someone that can't hold them at all. I need more info. Do you just fart wherever you are when it comes?
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Nov 12, 2019 15:09
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You can buy an artisanal silicon fart stopper in any friendly local sex shoppe for a pittance
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Nov 12, 2019 15:14
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Women are conditioned from extremely young ages not to fart. Every woman I know or have ever lived with has stories like this.
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Nov 12, 2019 15:35
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I can hold my farts long enough to stand up and walk outside or to the bathroom and fart there but why would I, I hate my coworkers.
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Nov 12, 2019 15:36
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I also don't bother holding in my farts. It's a basic human function, if people comment on it they're being fuckin juvenile. Also I can't smell so it doesn't bother me and my coworkers suck and deserve it.
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Nov 12, 2019 15:50
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Solice Kirsk posted:My dad taught me how to drive by bringing me into the city and making me drive home to the burbs on the side streets after a Sox game. You want to learn how to drive stick quickly? Try stalling out at stop signs/traffic lights while 100 cars behind you are honking and screaming at you to go. I know people who have done literally this with their kids. Their kids are all good drivers now.
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Nov 12, 2019 16:00
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Goons really revealing their disgusting reality in this here fart thread
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Nov 12, 2019 16:23
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I always try to see how long I can go in a relationship before farting openly. I’ve tried never giving up, I’ve given up after a week and had that relationship last like 2 years, so really who knows.
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Nov 12, 2019 16:28
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First date man
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Nov 12, 2019 16:31
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Scared my wife this morning with a fart in bed. Anyway, I can hold it in if I must, like if I’m in an elevator or getting a blowjob.
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Nov 12, 2019 16:33
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Since I've stopped eating dairy and embraced my inability to eat it ever again, my gut has been so much happier and I'm not farting nasty fume clouds anymore.
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Nov 12, 2019 16:35
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One time, I ate a lot of chili the the night before a bunch of important meetings. Korean businessmen get really really upset when you fart near them silent or otherwise. Maybe it's different if they're drunk...
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Nov 12, 2019 16:35
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The Management posted:Scared my wife this morning with a fart in bed. Missed the "or" my first time through this post lol
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Nov 12, 2019 16:44
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Best parallel parking job I ever did was downtown Seattle taking my roommate to get an abortion(not my kid). She couldn't even appreciate it because she was like, crying, or something
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Nov 13, 2019 00:00
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The one time I ever caught my super hot girlfriend farting was once, in her sleep, in the middle of the night. I was playing a computer game and heard a “brrrAPP” and both dogs woke up and started barking and I started laughing out loud and she woke up like “what the gently caress is so goddam funny?” and I just couldn’t stop laughing long enough to explain it.
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Nov 13, 2019 00:03
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I was asleep on a buddy's couch and had the temerity to fart. His argentinean roommate had a talk with him later about how certain things aren't acceptable in her culture and how dare I fart (while asleep) in her apartment!
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Nov 13, 2019 00:37
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In nearly 20 years together, I don't think I've ever acknowledged my wife farting. I'm pretty sure she'd lock herself in the bedroom and cry, if I did.
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Nov 13, 2019 01:14
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every normal human should be able to hold a fart in for a while at least. it's not comfortable but it's not like trying to suppress a sneeze or something. if you can avoid pooping yourself you can stop yourself from farting. what really baffles me is how long (some) women can go without peeing. idk if it's a social thing like it would be unseemly to admit to having to go to the bathroom, or if it's a personal preference like oh i'm wearing this stupid romper and i'd have to take off all my clothes, and how much is culturally trained and how much is just natural ability, etc like, when i really have to go pee, i have to go within maybe half an hour or i start to get stabbing kidney pains. all my girlfriends etc have had no problem holding it for literal hours at a time seemingly with no discomfort. idk
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Nov 13, 2019 01:31
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When I was an “adult(18)” we had an all night LAN party and this very cute gamer girl came over and stayed the night and we tried to be all cool and gave her the hammock to sleep in. After she feel asleep for an hour or so she ripped a massive fart in her sleep right above our heads gently swinging in the hammock.
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Nov 13, 2019 01:35
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Abdullah the Butcher once held in a fart for several hours on a long car ride because he didn't want to offend Mick Foley's wife. If this man can do it, you can too. 
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Nov 13, 2019 02:09
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Rad-daddio posted:Korean businessmen get really really upset when you fart near them silent or otherwise. Did you not perform the traditional high-5 afterwards? Did you leave them hanging?
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Nov 13, 2019 02:31
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Clitch posted:In nearly 20 years together, I don't think I've ever acknowledged my wife farting. I'm pretty sure she'd lock herself in the bedroom and cry, if I did. I couldn't live like that. My wife and I enjoy farting, fart jokes, really just fart culture in general and now that we have a young child it's really quite the fart palace. Probably 75% of my laughter is fart related.
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Nov 13, 2019 04:43
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I’m a grown rear end man, and I hate the word fart, boob, and booger. I never say these words out loud, and I think they are rude to use in pleasant company. If you have to excuse yourself from the room to make wind, so be it, nobody wants your infected rear end bacteria wafting into their faces! Barf! Gag!
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Nov 13, 2019 04:51
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Remulak posted:Not my experience; it’s a nation that eats cabbage everyday. No, these dudes were super uptight. We had an American-born Korean guy on our staff who spoke excellent conversational Korean, and he was intimidated by these guys even. Apparently, there's a "formal" Korean that people use in formal and business situations and these guys were rocking that right about the time I let my little gullywhomper slip out.
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Nov 13, 2019 05:01
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D-Pad posted:I couldn't live like that. My wife and I enjoy farting, fart jokes, really just fart culture in general and now that we have a young child it's really quite the fart palace. Probably 75% of my laughter is fart related. Please tell me more about fart culture!
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Nov 13, 2019 05:05
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My farts are a lethal weapon, ama
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Nov 13, 2019 05:16
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I farted so hard on a plane once I woke myself up.
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Nov 13, 2019 05:20
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A Strange Aeon posted:Please tell me more about fart culture! Unfortunately, I can only smell you about it.
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Nov 13, 2019 05:54
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Sagebrush posted:
Every woman I know seems to feel the need to go pee every half hour.
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Nov 13, 2019 06:10
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No matter the dry spell, the best feeling after spending the night with a new sex partner is letting the fart out when they're gone.
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Nov 13, 2019 06:44
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Octy posted:Every woman I know seems to feel the need to go pee every half hour. I used to think that but after I stopped hanging out with cokeheads I've discovered the normal rate of bathroom trips is much lower.
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Nov 13, 2019 06:50
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Shbobdb posted:I used to think that but after I stopped hanging out with cokeheads I've discovered the normal rate of bathroom trips is much lower. Doesn’t doing coke dehydrate you and therefore make you pee way less?
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Nov 13, 2019 14:51
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RCarr posted:Doesn’t doing coke dehydrate you and therefore make you pee way less? Coke also stimulates all of your sensitive areas and erogenous zones, so unless you’re doing something else besides hanging out and drinking all night, you feel like you kind of have to pee the whole time.
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Nov 13, 2019 14:55
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RCarr posted:Doesn’t doing coke dehydrate you and therefore make you pee way less? They're not going in there to pee.
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Nov 13, 2019 15:04
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subpar anachronism posted:They're not going in there to pee.  Was just about to post that.
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Nov 13, 2019 15:12
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I once successfully parallel parked while farting. Top that bitches.
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Nov 15, 2019 21:42
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wesleywillis posted:I once successfully parallel parked while farting. I once paralleled parked while trying to hold back my urine... It did not end well.
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Nov 16, 2019 01:38
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Sooo..... In other words you didn't top my "parallel farking".
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Nov 16, 2019 02:26
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I guess not, but I learned to keep an empty Gatorade bottle in my car from now on.
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Nov 16, 2019 03:08
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wesleywillis posted:I once successfully parallel parked while farting. I once farted during the rollout while landing a plane. Get on my level.
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Nov 16, 2019 03:11
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