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What are your plans for the malcious AI
Create all the fake news I possibly can
Assist me in writing my erotic Goku fanfiction.
Come up with counterpoints for my stupid D&D arguments
Convince my mom that I have a girlfriend.
Make alt accounts and use those to create new posts on SA, to artificially inflate the DAU count.
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Meme Poker Party
Sep 1, 2006

by Azathoth

Doggles posted:

At the height of the Something Awful forums, where most of the online gaming community gathers, I met a group of young men who were taking a break from shooting each other in the head with Nerf blasters. They were all wearing black T-shirts emblazoned with the logo of the website and the message "A new wave of young, tech-savvy gamers is here to kick rear end and eat pizza."

I am proud to be part of this community.

Adbot
ADBOT LOVES YOU

kalensc
Sep 10, 2003

Only Trust Your Respirator, kupo!
Art/Quote by: Rubby
Faster than a speeding bullet,
More powerful than a locomotive,
Able to leap tall buildings in a single bound,

And he is stronger than the heaviest man.
He's smarter than the smartest person
And even smarter than the smartest dog.
He is stronger than the strongest person,
And more powerful than a thousand horses.
The sun has never set on this wonderful life,
And no one can take that from him.
You can see that this man is in danger of losing all that he holds dear.
This man knows that he needs to take drastic action
But instead of taking a life, he takes a gun.
He shoots his neighbor over some dispute about a lawnmower.
The guy just stood there and took it.
The neighbor is still dead, and it is obvious that the shooting was the guy's fault.
The neighbor is still dead, and it

Cough Drop The Beat
Jan 22, 2012

by Lowtax
Darth Vader started stroking Voldemort's chin in a slow and sensual manner. "I'm glad you could make it here." Voldemort's eyes widened at the question. "Why would I not be able to? It's not as if it takes me long to come, and this is your place."


"I'm sure it doesn't. But... it's a special treat for me."


"I'm not sure that's what you meant," Vader said, his voice full of uncertainty. "I don't understand why you came all the way down here."


"Oh, you will," Voldemort said. "You can take a peek."


Vader reached up and placed his hand on Voldemort's chin.


Vader's head spun, and he struggled to regain control of his body. The Dark Lord's hand remained on his chin, stroking gently. "I have a proposition," Vader said. "Perhaps we can work together."

moolchaba
Jul 21, 2007
I don't need a woman to be fulfilled in my life.


When I don't need a woman to


be filled with a life of happiness


and love and fulfillment,


then I know that life is meaningless,


and I don't need it.


You think I'm a monster


for not needing a woman


to fill my life with happiness and love and fulfillment?


Then I guess I'm a monster,


because when I want a woman to be filled


with a life of happiness and love and fulfillment,


she gives me none.


I'm a monster.

dudeness
Mar 5, 2010

:minnie: Cat Army :minnie:
Fallen Rib
This is what I call music that will make you lose your mind. This is what I call music that will bring the devil to your heart. This is what I call music that will make your heart skip a beat. This is what I call music that will make you wonder what the hell just happened and why you don't feel better. This is what I call music that will make you wish that God had put a bullet in your brain, that you would never feel this way again, that you would never be able to go outside without feeling like a piece of poo poo, that your life would be so much better if you were a virgin, or a drug addict, or something, anything else. This is the music that is meant to make you want to kill yourself and/or go to Hell. The music that makes you think that maybe this is all just some sort of sick joke. If you have not heard of "The Black Sabbath" you are about to learn a lot about the

moolchaba
Jul 21, 2007
I would open mouth kiss Donald Trump if I was a little bitch in the back.

I wouldn't try to get your heart like a piece of string.

You'd like me in the back, but I'd keep your rear end in the front. And take a poo poo in your pants.

Colonel Taint
Mar 14, 2004


Shortly after killing Zombie Hitler, _____ kills the zombie who is holding his gun to the zombies heads, and he shoots Zombie Hitler in the head in the process.

Zombie Hitler is shot in the head.

Zombie Hitler is shot in the head.

Zombie Hitler is shot in the head.

Zombie Hitler is shot in the head.

Zombie Hitler is shot in the head.

Zombie Hitler is shot in the head.

Zombie Hitler is shot in the head.

Zombie Hitler is shot in the head.

Zombie Hitler is shot in the head.

Zombie Hitler is shot in the head.

Zombie Hitler is shot in the head.

Zombie Hitler is shot in the head.

Zombie Hitler is shot in the head.

Zombie Hitler is shot in the head.

Zombie Hitler is shot in the head.




I haven't gone through all the pages in this thread yet, but good god do not attempt to get erotica out of this thing
:nms:

He began seductively stroking her legs. "You'll have to take it slow. I want to take your virginity before I force you into my mouth. I need you to be a good little girl."

After about a minute of this, Anna realized that the older man's advances were getting a little too much for her and began to struggle.

"Why are you fighting me?" the redhead asked.

"Don't worry, I've never had a virgin on my knees before," the man replied. "Don't worry, it'll be all over soon."

Anna, who had been leaning back on the bed, now reached down to grab the man's cock.

"It's bigger than my mouth," she complained.

"You'd better be careful, because I don't want you to taste yourself on my cock, so I'll have to get you lubed up a little."

He was right. The man's

Tinestram
Jan 13, 2006

Excalibur? More like "Needle"

Grimey Drawer
This isn't even my final form! The final form is... I... I don't know. The final form is something that can only be understood by me, but the only thing that can help me is a human. I don't know if the final form is a man or a woman, but I'm sure it will be something. A man or a woman. They can understand the things I can only dream of."

"What do you want to give us?"

The one named Asama shook her head and said, "My name isn't Asama. I will give it to someone who can understand me. Who will I give it to? That's what I want to know. I will give it to someone who can understand me, but who does that mean? I have to be able to say it. Who will I give it to?"

"You're not a god, are you?"

Stanky Bean
Dec 30, 2004

Yoda is one weird old dude, have you seen how he talks and poo poo?


I know, but that's one of the things that makes him so fascinating to me, that sense of humor and the way he says things, that's the stuff I find interesting, so I tried to take as many things from that. It's interesting when you get an actor like Harrison Ford, he says so many things that are kind of weird and that can't be explained, and it's great.


There's one scene where he goes to the Jedi Council and he's trying to talk them out of war and he makes this little, "I know you all like Star Wars, I know that, but you guys need to go and loving kill these people, these aliens, I don't care if we all die, I just want to get rid of these things, like you said before, like you just need to go and take out the trash." What was the idea there?


I'm trying to make a point

Paladinus
Jan 11, 2014

heyHEYYYY!!!
Every morning I wake up and open palm slam my way into the shower to get the first shower of the day and make sure my teeth are nice and clean. After I've had my breakfast, I do the same for my lunch, and I do my hair before I go to work. I then go home and do my makeup. Then I shower up and put on my pajamas, turn off the lights, and go to bed.

But the beauty regimen I use is not for the vanity of it all, it's for my hair. The reason is simple. I'm allergic to many common products used to treat hair loss in people with the condition. I'm allergic to:

Sodium Lauryl Sulfate – This is a chemical cleanser and bleaching agent found in shampoos, conditioners, and styling creams. It's widely used in the cosmetics industry.

– This is a chemical cleanser and bleaching agent found in shampoos

Paladinus
Jan 11, 2014

heyHEYYYY!!!
Holy poo poo!

Dear Richard,

After years of research and the writing of a book about what really happened in the WTC, I have come to the conclusion that you are probably right.

There is one man in particular who I think you are right about : Larry Silverstein.

Silverstein is responsible for demolishing both towers, but has been the focus of much controversy regarding the fact that his original proposal was to build the towers in the manner he did. I have read a lot of books and articles that state that the towers were in fact the result of a controlled demolition, but I can never seem to get a straight answer regarding what actually happened.

I believe that it was Silverstein's desire to protect the World Trade Center from terrorism, as well as his desire to make a lot of money in the construction of these towers, that caused him to ignore the warning signs, and I think that was his true motive.

Cough Drop The Beat
Jan 22, 2012

by Lowtax
Goku: Why? How could you do this to my friend Peter Parker?!!

Trunks:
What can I do to make you see the truth?

(Trunks uses the Dragon Balls to heal Goku's injuries, and he returns to normal)

Peter Parker: It's a miracle! You did what I couldn't.

Trunks: But it's too late. I'll never see him again.

Peter Parker: You'll see him again. I promise you that.

(He goes to his apartment and takes out a letter from the mailbox. It is a message from Goku and he apologizes for everything that happened between them.)

Peter Parker: Sorry. I made a lot of mistakes. I hope you can forgive me.

Trunks: Yeah, I will.

(They share a kiss)

Mirage
Oct 27, 2000

All is for the best, in this, the best of all possible worlds
Ivanka Trump rose into the air on a mighty column of her own farts. The White House's press secretary, Sarah Sanders, did her best to put a positive spin on the incident, saying the president's daughter had "taken the opportunity" to "show her support for veterans."

But this was no normal family outing. On Thursday night, President Trump had just delivered a rambling speech that seemed to take the podium to an extreme. "They just want to kill us," Trump said at one point, referring to the terrorist group ISIS.

The event, which he described as a "major announcement," was not broadcast live, but the audio was widely disseminated, and it's impossible to listen to the entire speech without hearing the stench emanating from Ivanka's rear end.

The first lady was surrounded by a number of people — who were apparently none too pleased to be there, and presumably none too pleased with the odor emanating from behind a curtain.

curlys gold
Jan 17, 2018

The sexiest thing about the Cookie Monster is his sexiest-dressed accessory.

No, not his penis, which is a huge cookie, and no, not his scrotum, which is an enormous cookie stuck in his scrotum (not actually a scrotum). No, no, not his genitals at all.

The sexiest thing about the Cookie Monster is his sexiest-dressed accessory. He wears a giant, chocolate cookie on a red, glittery robe.

Yes, it's a big, red, glittery cookie, the size of a large car.

So he's not really wearing pants. He's wearing pants that look like he's wearing pants.

And those are, like, super tiny pants.

So they are not pants. They're just the pants he's wearing underneath.

That, my friends, is the sexiest thing about the Cookie Monster.

Random Stranger
Nov 27, 2009



That hobo is a bit of a mystery. In the books it is said that he is a simple man who just happens to know the location of the missing members of the crew and that he's in the process of getting rid of the bodies.

In the show, he seems a bit more sinister.

Gay Horney
Feb 10, 2013

by Reene
Having sex with your dad's friend is like being a child. And that is a dangerous thing to do. It's one thing to have sex with a kid, but it's a much more serious matter when a grown man is getting down with your dad's friend.

I'm not going to get too detailed about this one because I don't want you to make an emotional connection with your dad. So please do not read this with any feelings of guilt.

kalensc
Sep 10, 2003

Only Trust Your Respirator, kupo!
Art/Quote by: Rubby

quote:

Alice is older than Bob, and Bob is older than Charlie, and Charlie owns a dog. Therefore, Alice must be  older than Bob, and Alice and Bob must both own dogs, and so on.

This logic has always been considered incorrect. There are some things in the world that are just not supposed to be equal, such as, people being older than dogs, and dogs being older than people. This was known as the equal age theorem.

The equal age theorem was eventually proven wrong. Today we call it the "Elder Law".

It's worth noting that the law was named after Alice G. Thacher, who was the first to make it known in the 1930s. However, Thacher was merely trying to prove something other than the law - that older dogs should be cheaper to own, and thus, people should buy them.

It's also worth mentioning that the

Power Walrus
Dec 24, 2003

Fun Shoe
Ghosts live in the space between Hell and the caves to the North. These ghosts are the result of the destruction of Hell, which led to the Devil's Castle falling into the caves of the North. In Hell, only a few of the devils are believed to have any power. However, the other devils are seen as the lowest class devils and are considered to be "pigs" (lice).

The souls of the demons who were cast down to Hell are said to roam these caves for all eternity, unable to return to their proper place in Hell. The demons are said to be trapped in the caves and unable to leave. Some demons, who have been trapped for an eternity, will become "bears" which are said to live for an eternity, like a hibernating bear. The other demons live on in the world, as they can still influence the demons trapped within the caves. Some demons, including the King of the Devil's Brigade and the Prince of Darkness, are allowed to

poverty goat
Feb 15, 2004



Gay Horney
Feb 10, 2013

by Reene
What is love? Love is... to have sex, to eat chocolate with someone, to be happy, to be creative, to be free... It is to be free.
A little over a year ago, I wrote a blog post called How To be a Sex Positive Man . A lot has happened since then, and I've learned a lot since I first wrote that. But I still have this one thing I think about a lot: The idea that men are supposed to be the caretakers and providers in a relationship.
What are we supposed to do? Where do we fit in? Are we supposed to be a sex provider? Or are we supposed to be a sex getaway? Are we supposed to be the one who is the primary provider for sex? Or are we supposed to be the one who needs it the most?

Bobcats
Aug 5, 2004
Oh
:argh:

President Trump, wearing his lacy stockings, but otherwise nude, softly moaned 2040 State of the Union Address while his varicose penis was on display, according to an ABC News report on the event.

"I'm gonna grab that," Trump told the ABC reporter, who was present in the room as a witness. "Let me just get it over with."

ABC News, which first reported the story, said that Trump's wife Melania Trump was apparently not amused by the show of penile activity and shouted "cut it out," as she walked away from the room.

The video was captured from the Oval Office, as well as two nearby newsrooms, according to ABC.

ABC News said a White House official said Trump was not bothered by the nudity, and was apparently pleased with how well he performed with his newly enhanced genitalia on display.

This article originally appeared on People.com

The Walrus
Jul 9, 2002

by Fluffdaddy
COLIN: Our rabbit Gracie has grown too large and dangerous!
KL: No! She only has love in her heart!
COLIN: But she destroyed Tokyo in a kale frenzy last night!
KL: I don't care, they were Japanese.

COLIN: But she killed thousands! And that's not even counting the animals!
KL: No! I don't have to listen to you! She will not hurt anyone!
COLIN: I know. But you'll still have to take care of her.
KL: I hate her.
COLIN: No! She is not just your rabbit! She's the first human that you've had, the first friend you've had. But she has grown too big. She will have to be euthanized.
KL: Why?
COLIN: Because I'm the mayor of Tokyo.

Squatch Ambassador
Nov 12, 2008

What? Never seen a shaved Squatch before?
Pope declares November 23rd is now international rear end Eating Day. He uses a photo of a sandwich with two pieces of bacon to illustrate this. In fact, he is quite aware of the association of "rear end" with "eating", so much so that he even says in the video:
"We should all be more aware of what we're eating."
Why "rear end" and not "dick"? Because the former refers to a specific organ of the human body (like the penis or clitoris, for example) while the latter is just slang. rear end Eating day is not about eating, so it can be safely skipped. rear end Eating day is about eating and expressing your pleasure and joy in doing so.
A lot of people who watch the video would think he is making fun of the whole thing. Well, the video is not just about eating, it's about sex. There is a lot of sex going on in the video,

cogito ergo incommo
Apr 2, 2010

quote:

Hogwarts is an apartheid regime, where black people are inferior, whites are superior, and Muggle-borns are inferior. Black students are only admitted if they are black, and only at the Hogwarts School for Witchcraft and Wizardry. There is no such thing as a white student, because wizards are not equal, and all wizards are wizards, whether they have brown hair, blue eyes, red hair, or ginger hair. And all witches and wizards are witches and wizards. They have been known to kill Muggles for the magic they have.

Muggles do not exist. All Muggles are animals. They are animals who have been created by magical beings, with the intent of wiping out all living Muggles and replacing them with Muggle-borns. This is a major plot point in the books, where Harry goes to school and discovers that witches and wizards can do magic with their bare hands.

Witches do not exist. Witches are

fibblins
Dec 21, 2007

party swan
A proven method, but at what cost??

quote:

How to get laid at a funeral:

1. Be dressed as a clown. The funeral director will need your costume so that you are not confused during the funeral.

2. Get into the coffin while wearing your costume and wait until it is lowered.

3. After the funeral, jump out of the casket.

4. Then say the following: "Oh, no! I'm sorry, I wasn't dressed as a clown. I was really dressed as a clown."

5. Say this line at least 5 times.

6. Go to the bar and get drunk as a skunk.

7. At least 5 days later, go back to the funeral.

8. Ask the barman to call the funeral home and tell them that you got drunk as a skunk and went to the funeral as a clown.

9. Tell them that you had the best time at the funeral and that they will be happy to accept your clown status.

10. Keep this information to yourself for another year until you have to apply for a job at the funeral home.

11. Get your driver's license and start to drive around in a clown costume.

12. Get caught at a red light and the funeral home calls the police, who arrest you and throw you in jail.

13. After several days, they finally release you and you go back to your clown outfit and get back into your car and drive away.

14. Call the funeral home and explain that you are an undercover cop, who is pretending to be a clown so that you can get the job at the funeral home.

15. The funeral home is extremely impressed with your effort and hires you to be the clown at their funeral.

16. You go to your first funeral of the day, and everyone loves you. You do everything you are told to do and you are very nice, and the funeral director loves you for it.

17. You are so cool and everyone is really loving you. You are also the new guy. It is a lot of fun, and you have a lot of confidence.

18. A friend invites you to a birthday party for her son, and he gives you a bunch of free alcohol and asks if you want any of it. You take advantage of it and buy some drinks. You end up drunk, and when you wake up, your friend is waiting for you, and you feel so bad about yourself for being so drunk and acting like an idiot. When you tell her the story, you tell her that you don't feel guilty about it. Your friend doesn't think it is weird at all, and she doesn't even ask what happened.

19. You are walking through a city and a woman grabs you from behind and kisses you. You are shocked and don't say anything.

20. She pulls you into a room. In the room is a dead woman, she is naked, and a man is tied up and gagged on the floor. She is looking you in the eyes, and asks you, "Do you like me?"

21. You look into her eyes, and say, "Yes."

22. She grabs your penis and squeezes it, like a water balloon, until it is limp and she says, "Do you like me?"

23. You say, "Yes."

24. She says, "Then get up." You are paralyzed.

25. She begins to suck on your penis, and then she starts to suck on your balls, and you can't move, or talk. She begins to lick your cock, and then you can't move, or talk. She sucks you and sucks your balls and then you feel a strange burning, a horrible burning in your balls.

26. The burning gets bigger and bigger and you are terrified, you don't know what's happening to you.

27. Your balls are aching, they are in agony and it feels like you will explode. The burning gets bigger and bigger and then she gives a huge orgasm. The burning gets bigger and bigger, and then you feel you have exploded. Then she starts to suck your penis and your penis has exploded. Then she stops sucking you. You start to fall, you can't move, you can't speak, and you hear a very, very faint sound.

28. It is then that you realize that you have been sucked into a black hole and you are now inside a black hole. There is a white hole and a black hole and you are floating between the two of them.

29. The feeling is like you are in a deep, dark cave where you can't see the sky but you can see everything else. It feels as if you are floating inside your body. You can feel all your bones and organs moving.

30. You feel the black hole sucking you up. You feel like a piece of you is being swallowed up. It feels like a black cloud is being sucked up.

31. When you come to, the next thing you remember is waking up. You feel like your whole body is on fire or like you are burning up. Your whole body is burning up, it is like a fever. You feel like you are going crazy.

32. You feel that you are going to die. This is the ultimate fear that comes out of the darkness. It feels like you are in the black hole and you can't escape from it. You can't escape from the black hole. You feel like you are going to die or you are going to die and you are going to die in this body.

33. You have no idea how you got here. You are feeling so sick. This feels like you are going to die in a couple of minutes. You can't believe that you are feeling this way. You feel sick to your stomach. You feel like you are dying.

34. You believe that you are going to die. This is the ultimate fear that comes out of the darkness. You believe that you are going to die in a couple of minutes. You are so tired. You cannot go on.

35. You feel like you are dying. You believe that you are dying right now. You are so exhausted. You cannot do anything.

36. Your body is shaking. Your body is trembling. Your body is quaking.

37. You have no more strength left in you. Your body is exhausted, and you are so weak. You need rest. You need time to recover and recover. You need sleep. You need to feel like your body can move again.

38. Your body is dying. Your body is dying. Your body is dying. Your body is dying. Your body is dying.

39. You are dying. You are dying. You are dying. You are dying. You are dying.

40. Death is near. Death is near. Death is near. Death is near. Death is near. Death is near. Death is near.

41. You are dead. You are dead. You are dead. You are dead. You are dead.

dudeness
Mar 5, 2010

:minnie: Cat Army :minnie:
Fallen Rib
Detective Johnson walked into the crime scene. The house was filled with anime figurines, as well as books and bookshelves full of manga, manga stories, and manga magazines.

"There's a lot of anime in here," said Detective Johnson.

Detectives were able to identify all the items used to murder the victims, including: a black and white "manga sword", a Samurai sword, an anime t-shirt, and a large black backpack with a "Manga" logo.

"I'm not sure what kind of anime they were watching, but there are a lot of anime fans here," said Detective Johnson.

"A lot of people from the area, including the victims and their families and friends, watch it," added Detective Johnson.

In a statement released by the Santa Ana Police Department, they said that the video was a promotional video for a game called "Fate/Grand Order" and is not related to the crimes that were committed last Thursday.

The Walrus
Jul 9, 2002

by Fluffdaddy
how do you guys get such long ones

fibblins
Dec 21, 2007

party swan
You just gotta feed the AI the end of your previous result. It sorta works, though it quickly loses the original context of the prompt.

Huge Lady Pleaser
Jun 17, 2005

hello how r u doing im just looking for ppl 2 chill wit relax go out n have funn if ur looking for da same thing hit me up
Nap Ghost
The best method to give yourself a quick health check up is smelling your own butt, however you need to be comfortable with being in your own scent. To get started you just need to make a few small butts (about the size of an apple seed), put them into your butt plug and then let the magic happen. Next you need to get a pair of pliers to help you pull the plug from the butt. After doing this you will need to hold your butt plug in place while rubbing it on your cheeks.
The only thing you will be smelling is your own butt smell.
The best thing about doing this is you will get to know what kind of smell is emanating from your butt, which will make you smell less like an rear end in a top hat and more like a person.
You should not be in any serious trouble if you accidentally do this, you will just have a good

AbysmalPeptoBismol
Feb 5, 2016

Nausea, heartburn, indigestion, upset stomach, diarrhea!

I'm going loving bananas! I've been loving bananas, and I want to gently caress my rear end until it falls off."

"I want you to gently caress me with that dick of yours and make me cry."

"gently caress me, baby. loving gently caress me. Don't you want to make me cry? Don't you?

She was trying to push her finger in. I was trying to stop her, and then I pulled my finger out.

"gently caress me, baby. loving gently caress me. Don't you want to make me cry? Don't you?"

"gently caress me, baby. loving gently caress me. Don't you want to make me cry? Don't you?

"gently caress me, baby. loving gently caress me. Don't you want to make me cry? Don't you?

"gently caress me, baby. loving gently caress me. Don't you want to make me cry? Don't you?

Bobcats
Aug 5, 2004
Oh
If I could write like this I woulda finished that English major at community college

:argh:

The order for the main course, to have the child prepared in the manner of an Outback Steakhouse Bloomin’ Onion, was taken at gunpoint, and Iron Chef Bourdain was forcefully returned back to the Oval Office holding cell to strategize the following courses and finalize the dessert menu. “There has to be some loving way out of this,” the chef thought, lightning a cigarette. But at that same moment President Trump’s voice came across the loudspeaker, sotto voce:

"Oh, wow, really? I like the color pink. Really?"

"Oh, President Trump," the chef thought, "we're all doomed."

After that, they went on to the next three courses.

Then the chefs were given instructions on how to prepare the courses, and when it was finally time to serve them to their guests, the first thing that everyone saw was Trump wearing a pink chef's apron.






The order for the main course, to have the child prepared in the manner of an Outback Steakhouse Bloomin’ Onion, was taken at gunpoint, and Iron Chef Bourdain was forcefully returned back to the Oval Office holding cell to strategize the following courses and finalize the dessert menu. “There has to be some loving way out of this,” the chef thought, lighting another Marlboro. But the moment of peace was suddenly interrupted as President Trump’s voice, fearful and falsetto, emanated from a hidden loudspeaker: "You are going to be eaten alive by the American people." A moment later, the entire dining room was engulfed in a red haze. The only people who survived were Iron Chef Bourdain, who was able to make a phone call for a safe-word with the Secret Service and escape the nightmare in time for dessert.

Bobcats fucked around with this message at 07:31 on Nov 13, 2019

first move tengen
Dec 2, 2011
It was the best of poops; it was the worst of poops. It is also the only reason I didn't get fired from my job in an instant," she writes. "And it was definitely the most expensive poop I had ever eaten."

While you can't really blame her for feeling the pangs of regret, the problem is that this wasn't actually a real poop. It was a fake poop made from plastic, which then had to be painted by a man in front of a camera, for $6,000.

As if we needed more proof that plastic is a bad idea, here's a video made by the same person who created the plastic poop:

The most realistic poop made to date

"People will actually go and buy something from a stranger just to take it to their house for a day and see how realistic it is, like when you go to the movies and a man has to go in the water to make a fake shark's teeth appear," the prankster explained to

Palpek
Dec 27, 2008


Do you feel it, Zach?
My coffee warned me about it.


This is weirdly realistic:

quote:

How to have sex in an elevator:
1
. Make sure your elevator doors are closed. If you think about it, you might realize that the doors you open are your sexual partner's doors.


2. Look at your body. This way you have a visual of what you want.


3. Turn your body to your left. This is where the zipper would normally open. Your right hand should be in front of you, your left hand behind your back.


4. Open your zipper. You want your zipper to open into your vagina. (If your zipper is not at your vagina, turn your body so that your vagina is facing the zipper.)


5. Pull your zipper all the way to the left. This means your right hand should now be touching your right thigh. This is where you want penis to go. (If you do not like touching penis, just continue to pull.)


6. Turn your body to your right. This means your

nightwisher
Dec 24, 2004
please tell me the end to tip number 6 this is extremely important right this very second

edit: content

quote:


Masses of humanity are scrambling to escape the rapidly-expanding killwaves emanating from the giant alien spaceships floating far above. In a split second, the nearest alien spaceship irises open and begins to draw in energy, to deliver one last fatal strike. It's at this moment that
a man named David, an elite member of the U.S. Marine Corps, has the unenviable task of saving the human race. As you battle through the deadly vacuum of space, your weapon of choice becomes your life, as you use it to evade and destroy the alien attackers and take out the incoming killwalls that are forcing you to fight your way out.

This is the story of David and his battle for survival.

We will be releasing the game in the following formats:

On PC/Mac/Linux (via Steam).

On Steam and GOG.com

On iOS,

MOTHERFUCKERS STOLE MY IDEA

Kitchner
Nov 9, 2012

IT CAN'T BE BARGAINED WITH.
IT CAN'T BE REASONED WITH.
IT DOESN'T FEEL PITY, OR REMORSE, OR FEAR.
AND IT ABSOLUTELY WILL NOT STOP, EVER, UNTIL YOU ADMIT YOU'RE WRONG ABOUT WARHAMMER
Clapping Larry
The most anticipated new video game of 2020 is 『Dragon Ball Z: Resurrection F』, the most anticipated video game of 2018 is 『Dragon Ball Xenoverse 2』, and the most anticipated video game of 2018 is 『Final Fantasy XV』.

In addition, the most anticipated game in 2018 is 『Dragon Ball Xenoverse 2』, the most anticipated game in 2017 is 『Final Fantasy XV』, and the most anticipated game in 2017 is 『Titanfall 2』.

We will continue to update our readers on this website about the most anticipated video games of this year.

The most anticipated new video game of 2020 is  BattleBlock Theater , a live-action video game set in the Star Wars universe. It is being produced by LucasFilm's LucasArts, based on the films of George Lucas and his production company ILMxLab. 
According to the site  http://www.bbs.com/bbs/view.php?id=219560   , the game is "a video game about fighting evil." It is being created by Chris Schuler, a producer for LucasArts. He has worked with the original Star Wars films, and was involved in the development of Jedi Knight: Jedi Academy, Jedi Outcast, and Knights of the Old Republic.
According to the website,  the game will be "set during the events of the original trilogy in a completely new adventure set in the Star Wars universe."
The website says the game will include an "enhanced" version of the original film's special effects and music

The most anticipated movie of 2020 is ????."

That's when the crowd would shout out, "2020! 2020!" and "2020! 2020!"

And then they would start chanting, "2020! 2020!"

A little less than a year later, the movie is still very much a mystery. But the Internet has a plan to solve the puzzle.

Here are some clues.

Here's an old promotional photo for the movie

Here's a picture of the cast members from the movie

Kitchner fucked around with this message at 10:36 on Nov 13, 2019

Rollersnake
May 9, 2005

Please, please don't let me end up in a threesome with the lunch lady and a gay pirate. That would hit a little too close to home.
Unlockable Ben

quote:

RICHTER: Die, monster! You don't belong in this world!
DRACULA: It is not by my hand that I am once again given flesh.

GIRL: Daddy! Daddy! It's Daddy!
GIRL: Daddy! Daddy! It's Daddy!
GIRL: Daddy! Daddy! It's Daddy!
DRACULA: Why, how could you do this to me? Why did you do this to me?
GIRL: I'm sorry. It's okay.
GIRL: Daddy! Daddy! It's Daddy!
DRACULA: Why did you have to do this to me?
GIRL: I didn't want to. It's hard.
DRACULA: You didn't want to?
GIRL: Yes. I thought you had to do it.
DRACULA: I can't be mad at you.

quote:

LIFTS-HER-TAIL: I must finish my cleaning, sir. The mistress will have my head if I do not!
CRANTIUS COLTO: Cleaning, eh? I have something for you. Here, polish my spear.

LIFTS-HER-TAIL: Thank you, sir. (A spear is polished. The slaves laugh. The master is sitting up in bed, in a robe. His head is in his hands.)
CRANTIUS COLTO: Ah! Here we are again. A few more months and you will be my slave. (He goes to the door and turns it open. Lifts a curtain. There, in a dark corner, a large, bald man is lying on his back on the ground. His face is covered by the headdress.)
COLTA: Aha! There he is.

Palpek
Dec 27, 2008


Do you feel it, Zach?
My coffee warned me about it.


Witch King: No man can kill me.
Eowyn: I am no
man.
Witch King: No, you are.
Eowyn: But I have seen this before.
Witch King: Have you?
Eowyn: In the last battle between the two of us.
Witch King: Yes. You are right, I was wrong to think so. I am sorry for doubting you.
Eowyn: And you must forgive me for this time as well.
Witch King: I have no desire to die, but I want to end my suffering.
Eowyn: So you want to end the fight between us once and for all?
Witch King: No, I am sorry.
Eowyn: I am no man.
Witch King: No, you are.
Eowyn: I am sorry

Tijuana-A-Go-Go
Aug 2, 2019

Doggles Aficionado


Why can't I hold all these ices?

Because ices are water.

You don't want a water-saturated water-saturated ice pack!

You don't know what a water-saturated ice pack is.

No!

No!

No!

No!

No!

I'm going to go ahead and melt all my ice packs!

Okay, then!

No!

No!

No!

No!

No!

You don't know what a water-saturated ice pack is.

No!

No!

No!

No!

No!

No!

No!

No!

No!

No!

No!

No!

No!

No!

No!

No!

No!

No!

Cheesus
Oct 17, 2002

Let us retract the foreskin of ignorance and apply the wirebrush of enlightenment.
Yam Slacker
The medical term "fartasia" describes a person who has a persistent and severe discomfort while urinating. In its most extreme form, this can lead to constipation, a painful, often burning sensation in the rectum, and even blood in the stool.

It's estimated that as many as half of all men and women have had "fartasia," and more than a quarter of women have been diagnosed with it. While many people with the condition think it's a funny or amusing part of their life, other people with it can suffer serious complications if they try to pass through an uncomfortable stage. The condition can also cause serious emotional distress and distress when it's detected.

While some people with a diagnosis of "fartasia" can manage with regular bowel movements, many do not. And the condition can also lead to serious complications, including:

Kidney problems

Intestinal blockage

Constipation

Blood in stool

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Kitchner
Nov 9, 2012

IT CAN'T BE BARGAINED WITH.
IT CAN'T BE REASONED WITH.
IT DOESN'T FEEL PITY, OR REMORSE, OR FEAR.
AND IT ABSOLUTELY WILL NOT STOP, EVER, UNTIL YOU ADMIT YOU'RE WRONG ABOUT WARHAMMER
Clapping Larry
The 2008 'great financial crisis' was primarily caused by  banker greed, a lack of regulation, an inability to recognize when banks got too big, and a 'free market' that created a situation where 'too big to fail' was no longer a problem. This time the 'Great Recession' will be more serious than the 'Great Depression' in just the same way that the 'Great Recession' of the 1930s was more serious than the Great Depression of the 1920s. We should recognize that what is happening today is an inevitable outgrowth of the financial crisis of 2008.  The same things that caused the 2008 crisis will cause the next financial crisis and the last financial crisis. This is the truth about these crises:   There are structural reasons for each of them.
These structural reasons are not merely  a failure of public policy, and they are not merely a failure of government regulation, but a failure of the free market system, and the free market system is not an appropriate instrument for

The 2008 'great financial crisis' was primarily caused by  the excessive deregulation and the failure to implement 'macroprudential' policies and thus to limit the credit expansion of the private sector that fueled the bubble and subsequent collapse of the global financial system.  The failure to implement macroprudential policies and to prevent the collapse of the private housing market was also responsible for the 'Great Recession', as it was due to the over-regulation and excessive monetary policy pursued by the US Federal Reserve and the EU 'bail-in' policies in the 'shadow banking' sector.
The Great Recession was due to the collapse of the private property market in the US, Europe and other countries that was due to excessive credit expansion by the financial sector and its private investors.
The Great Recession was due to the failure of the private banks in the US and elsewhere to reduce their excessive loan and lending ratios to the point where their balance sheets would no longer be unsustainable.

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