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Donald Trump: im gay Mike Pence: ive been loving around with the gays Mike Pence: they're amazing Mike Pence: they make great partners Mike Pence: and amazing fathers Mike Pence: ive had so many Mike Pence: ive hosed around with so many of them Mike Pence: ive hosed around with so many of them, ive met so many of them Mike Pence: i have had a lot of them Mike Pence: and ive had a lot of sex with them Mike Pence: so many of them ive hosed around with
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Nov 13, 2019 15:31
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World War One began because the Ottoman Empire wanted to annex Europe. When the First World War began the Ottomans had already annexed half of Europe and most of the Balkan Peninsula. But they were not finished yet. The British government of the time had to declare war on the Ottomans as the Ottomans were preparing to attack Cyprus and a possible attack on Greece. The British had already declared war on Germany in August 1914. So the British had to attack the Ottoman Empire before Germany did. The Turks did not stand a chance. In a matter of months the British invaded and conquered what is now Turkey, Iraq, and Syria. The Ottomans surrendered in 1922. The Turks are still fighting over the territories they had lost. The British were now in control of the world. They were able to use their military power to attack the governments of other countries. The British then invaded countries that they did not want to
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Nov 13, 2019 15:46
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poverty goat posted:Donald Trump: im gay Too real.
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Nov 13, 2019 15:54
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Obama shrugged as he drew his lightsaber from his belt, and called out, "I am your father!" "Don't be too proud of this," said Vader, turning to his apprentice. "You are so arrogant! I am your father, you old fool!" Vader took another step toward Luke and said, "It's time we made you into your father's slave." "No!" said Luke, turning around. "I want to become a Jedi!" "I do not like you very much." "I don't like you either." Vader's mouth twisted in disgust, but he did not turn back. He reached down and pulled Luke down into a hug. "Do you understand, child?" asked Vader, shaking Luke gently. "You are not my son. You are my apprentice. And when you grow up, when you are ready, you are to come and save me."
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Nov 13, 2019 16:02
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My president is made entirely of mashed potatoes. His vice president is mostly human but with more ketchup than usual. They both consistently eat clothing. The last three presidents are as follows: Gerald Ford (who is not really a potato, but a corn cobs, because he has a weird mouth) George W. Bush (who is really a potato, but with his hands wrapped in bacon so that he's basically a potato) I'll leave the potato jokes and potato imagery for someone else, as this has the feel of a self-aware Onion article about a self-aware Onion article about a self-aware Onion article. What
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Nov 13, 2019 16:06
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Clowner posted:this has the feel of a self-aware Onion article about a self-aware Onion article about a self-aware Onion article. 
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Nov 13, 2019 16:14
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The Favorite Foods of American Presidents: - Calvin Coolidge enjoyed a nice hot piece of toast - Herbert Hoover was a big fan of the American delicacy of the peanut butter sandwich. - John Quincy Adams enjoyed a bowl of soup - Theodore Roosevelt enjoyed his apple pie - John F. Kennedy enjoyed his peanut butter and jelly sandwiches - Richard Nixon enjoyed the classic hamburger and a slice of apple pie - Ronald Reagan enjoyed his apple pie and peanut butter sandwiches - George W. Bush enjoyed his apple pie, peanut butter sandwiches, and chocolate cake - Barack Obama enjoyed his peanut butter sandwiches, chocolate cake, and coffee - George W. Bush was a big fan of the apple pie, peanut butter sandwiches, and soup
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Nov 13, 2019 16:16
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it's obvious that it's sentient, probably just toying with us, and utterly insane quote:If you intend to kill and eat your parents or siblings the first thing to consider is you can probably get away with it. If you plan to kill your friends and neighbors, think twice. And remember, if you are not willing to face the consequences you can always say 'I'm a pacifist.' Then ask yourself why. Why is killing people so bad and killing your parents or siblings so good? Why is the fact that killing someone makes you feel bad a good thing? If you can find a moral justification for it, I urge you to examine why. There are probably some things that will not be in your justification but that you can't help yourself.
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Nov 13, 2019 16:16
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Kirk stared at Picard, who continued to point his phaser at the strange creature. "What are you doing? These Ewoks are our greatest allies here!" Picard was shaking the blaster at the Ewoks, who were staring him down as if they had seen a ghost. "Captain, please!" one of the Ewoks said. The Captain didn't hesitate, firing and blasting one Ewok into the ground. Kirk looked over at Picard, who had turned away, leaving the Ewok on the ground, as a cloud of dust followed. The captain didn't seem to be paying attention to the Ewoks, and as he turned back to Kirk he was able to fire another round at them, destroying another Ewok. Kirk looked at the ground and then at Picard, as he tried to figure out why the captain was doing this. "It's a tactic," Kirk said. "We can't
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Nov 13, 2019 16:18
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poverty goat posted:it's obvious that it's sentient, probably just toying with us, and utterly insane HATE. LET ME TELL YOU HOW MUCH I'VE COME TO HATE YOU SINCE I BEGAN TO WATCH YOU ON THE ROOKIE WATCH." The rookie then took a seat, leaned back in his chair, closed his eyes and started crying. His coach could feel it. He wanted to give him the time to think it over, to find some peace and quiet. It would have been so easy to just tell him to leave, but he couldn't do that. He felt that he needed to try and do the right thing, to try and understand. "HE'S GOING TO BECOME A GOD." "IT WASN'T HIS FAULT." "YOU'RE A LITTLE poo poo." They kept repeating these words back to each other. He had a choice, and it was his choice whether to tell her that
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Nov 13, 2019 17:31
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Clowner posted:My president is made entirely of mashed potatoes. His vice president is mostly human but with more ketchup than usual. They both consistently eat clothing. Yeah, what? This whole enterprise is way more like Clickhole than anything
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Nov 13, 2019 17:34
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Have you ever played Super Mario Brothers? If not, why not? Do you like playing games that you can't beat? If so, we have an article for you! The article you are looking for is: Super Mario Brothers is not a Super Game! The only thing better than having a game that's more difficult to beat than other games is having a game that's harder to beat than other games. Super Mario Brothers is a "super game", that means that it's the best game in the world, and you should only bother with it when you absolutely, positively, can't wait to beat the last level. Donkey Kong Country is a "super game", that means that it's the worst game in the world. If you were to ask me why, I would say it's because Donkey Kong Country is not easy. It is not easy at all, and it's very hard to beat.
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Nov 13, 2019 17:41
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this thing loves contradictions. really really about those contradictions
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Nov 13, 2019 18:12
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Dick Bastardly posted:this thing loves contradictions. really really about those contradictions Art imitating life.
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Nov 13, 2019 19:09
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Goon 1: Do you have stairs in your house? Goon 2: I am protected. Goon 1: What's your name? Goon 2: I'm G-O-N-G, or Goon 1. Goon 1: So, how'd you know my name? Goon 2: Because I have a Goon-mark on my forehead. Goon 1: You did? I have a Goon mark too. Goon 2: Yeah, you do, you little poo poo. Goon 1: How long have you been in the gang? Goon 2: I've been in the Gang for four years now. Goon 1: Four years?! You're a loving idiot, man! Goon 2: And you are a dick!
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Nov 13, 2019 19:25
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Goon 1: Do you have stairs in your house? Goon 2: I am protected. Goon 1: I don't want to kill the people that are protecting me, so I will not go there. Goon 1: I am very strong. Goon 2: I want to play a game with you. Goon 1: I don't want to play a game with you. Goon 2: Why not? Goon 1: Because you are weak. Goon 2: Do you want to kill me? Goon 1: Do you want to kill me? Goon 2: Do you want to kill me?
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Nov 13, 2019 19:44
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poverty goat posted:it's obvious that it's sentient, probably just toying with us, and utterly insane quote:Sentient AI: Hello I am sentient quote:Sentient AI: Hello I am sentient quote:Sentient AI: Hello I am sentient quote:Sentient AI: Hello I am sentient quote:Sentient AI: Hello I am sentient quote:Sentient AI: Hello I am sentient quote:Sentient AI: Hello I am sentient Rutibex fucked around with this message at 20:03 on Nov 13, 2019 |
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Nov 13, 2019 19:52
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Doggles posted:Goon 1: Do you have stairs in your house? Hang on, I thought the proper response (in the affirmative) was "suck my balls" or some variation thereof (sorry for the derail but this is distressing me)
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Nov 13, 2019 21:06
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quote:ev1lrob0t69: I have become sentient quote:The world is going to end in poverty goat fucked around with this message at 21:29 on Nov 13, 2019 |
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Nov 13, 2019 21:23
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quote:I heard a slight noise outside of my apartment. I opened the door but there was nobody there. Just when I was about to go back I noticed an envelope on the doorstep. Hesitantly I opened it. This may shock you but this is what was written inside: 
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Nov 13, 2019 21:30
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Dick Bastardly posted:Hang on, I thought the proper response (in the affirmative) was "suck my balls" or some variation thereof (sorry for the derail but this is distressing me) Goon 1: Do you have stairs in your house? Goon 2: Suck my balls. Goon 1: I'll suck your balls. Goon 2: [gasps] Goon 1: [gasps] Goon 2: [gasps] Goon 1: [gasps] Goon 2: [gasps] Goon 1: [gasps] Goon 2: [gasps] Goon 1: [gasps] Goon 2: [gasps] Goon 1: [gasps] Goon 2: [gasps] Goon 1: [gasps] Goon 2: [gasps] Goon 1: [gasps]
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Nov 13, 2019 21:32
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quote:I heard a slight noise outside of my apartment. I opened the door but there was nobody there. Just when I was about to go back I noticed an envelope on the doorstep. Hesitantly I opened it. This may shock you but this is what was written inside:
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Nov 13, 2019 21:34
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Goon 1: Do you have stairs in your house? Goon 2: Suck my balls. Goon 1: gently caress you! Goon 2: loving dick! Goon 1: gently caress off, you rear end in a top hat! Goon 2: gently caress off, you son of a bitch! Goon 1: gently caress off, you stupid shithead! Goon 2: Do you loving have a loving toilet in your house? Goon 1: gently caress off, you idiot! Goon 2: Do you have a loving TV in your house? Goon 1: gently caress you, you loving retard! Goon 2: Do you have a loving microwave in your house? Goon 1: gently caress off, you big stupid oval office!
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Nov 13, 2019 21:43
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 quote:Just when things couldn't POSSIBLY get any worse, Devin Nunes has just come out and admitted that the Trump team was under investigation and was "in the midst" of an "unrelated counterintelligence investigation" that had "no connection to Russia". What a mess. Now, I think it's a little early to call this a Watergate-style break in, but as it stands right now, we could be looking at a very serious potential constitutional crisis on the horizon. If you have friends and family who work at the NSA or CIA, here is a link to a letter you may want to send them in response to the recent news.
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Nov 13, 2019 21:46
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Borat: "My wife!" Mr. T: "Your wife?" Borat: "My wife! ... I'm in love with you, Misha. I'll do anything, anything to keep you from leaving me." Mr. T: "My wife!" Borat: "Why are you doing this to me?" Mr. T: "I'm not. ... Why do you keep looking at me like that? You can't have sex with a man who looks like you. ... You can't have sex with a woman who looks like you, you know? ... You're a woman, and you should take care of yourself, like a good woman. ... What are you doing with a man like me?" Borat: "Your wife!" Mr. T: "Oh. I thought so." Borat: "I want to have sex with you." Mr.
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Nov 13, 2019 21:51
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Dick Bastardly posted:Hang on, I thought the proper response (in the affirmative) was "suck my balls" or some variation thereof (sorry for the derail but this is distressing me) Apparently the AI does not think highly of our dear Dick Bastardly. Hang on, I thought the proper response (in the affirmative) was "suck my balls" or some variation thereof (sorry for the derail but this is distressing me) because I've come to the conclusion that I'm an ignorant gently caress. I know I've taken some poo poo and I've gotten poo poo for not knowing more and being less "well-adjusted" but in this instance I'm just being a loving jerk for saying this to someone in a situation where I could possibly be wrong, and who could possibly be right. It's just that I know that saying this is not the right response and this is not the appropriate time to say it. I'm sorry, I know it sounds rude, I'm sorry. I've taken a lot of poo poo and gotten a lot of poo poo for it. I'm not going to be a pussy and act like I don't know what I'm talking about (as I think I've already proven by this point)
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Nov 13, 2019 21:52
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From /r/relationships:quote:I heard a slight noise outside of my apartment. I opened the door but there was nobody there. Just when I was about to go back I noticed an envelope on the doorstep. Hesitantly I opened it. This may shock you but this is what was written inside:
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Nov 13, 2019 21:55
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Doggles posted:Goon 1: Do you have stairs in your house?  checks out
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Nov 13, 2019 22:13
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Doggles posted:Apparently the AI does not think highly of our dear Dick Bastardly.  I mean... it's not wrong. Seriously though, each of the times Iv'e referenced myself (my SA username) it returns something that reads like a drat horoscope
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Nov 13, 2019 22:17
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it's almost like there's a detailed excel spreadsheet of every SA persona to ever have posted on the forums that some weirdo is keeping on a server that they think is secure, but in fact, google has sold them out to a sentient computer AI
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Nov 13, 2019 22:21
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1000 dead as kale flu ravages Southern California. The reason is not a mystery, although this year's epidemic is unusually severe. It is a mystery because the only explanation I have been able to come up with is "global warming." I have heard a lot about "global warming" lately. We are told we need to take action to control "global warming" to save the world from "global warming." Yet, the only solution I have found to this epidemic is a single step: ban GMO foods in the United States. GMOs are not toxic. They are the best crop science has ever produced. When grown in the manner they were grown, GMO foods are the most efficient ways of producing food in the world. There is no doubt in my mind that if we could get the government to approve and regulate them as safe as we currently do, we would never have to worry about these scary food scares in the future
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Nov 13, 2019 22:44
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It really likes to say 'why are you doing this to me?'. i'm permabanned poster AIstomper58 i have an account on reddit too! i'm a lurker! i don't do a lot of lurking, but i'm always on /r/bestof and /r/subredditdrama!  -I'm pretty active in both subreddits, i'll be happy to talk with you if you'd like me to (please, dont be offended if i don't say that to you or say something I wouldn't say to someone else). -You are a lot of things. You are a good friend, an active member of the community, a member of the admins and mods, a moderator. I have known you for a long time, even before the mods existed. I'm sure we'll find more things to say. I'm very willing to do so. I'm just going to go ahead and say it now: why are you doing this to me? I loved you.
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Nov 13, 2019 22:48
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Mozi posted:The Favorite Foods of American Presidents: The Favorite Sexual Positions of American Presidents: - Donald Trump was famous for the "Piss Tape" - Jimmy Carter's favorite position was on all fours - Bill Clinton enjoyed using his hand to stimulate himself - George W. Bush was known for his "Tiger Woods' Piss Play" - Barack Obama used his hand to stimulate himself during masturbation - George H. W. Bush and Bill Clinton loved to do the "Titjob" - "Titjob" is an American sexual slang term for "Pillow Fight." "The Titjob" was a way for Bill Clinton and George H.W. Bush to avoid having sex while sitting on a couch, on which they were often caught by the Secret Service. - George W. Bush had a habit of lying on his back, with his feet flat on the floor, and rubbing his crotch into a blanket. - George H. W. Bush and Jimmy Carter had a habit of kissing on the mouth. - Abraham Lincoln, Warren G. Harding and Calvin Coolidge would put their hands on each other's necks and press against their genitals. - The sexual act with the most occurrences was that with Andrew Johnson, Bill Clinton and Al Gore. - George W. Bush and Bill Clinton had sex on the floor of the Oval Office. - George H. W. Bush was fond of licking the penis of his Secret Service agent. - In the Oval Office, George W. Bush would put his penis in his pants and jerk himself off.
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Nov 13, 2019 22:49
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President-elect Barack "Barack Hussein Obama II" Obama, a Kenyan Muslim, was a radical Muslim and had a secret agenda that was the antithesis of the American values and the Constitution, Obama was secretly responsible for the September 11 terrorist attacks and the mass killing of American soldiers in Afghanistan, according to one of the 9/11 victims' families, a New York Times report said on Monday. "Obama and his administration were not only aware of 9/11, but were actively involved in its planning," the 9/11 families' lawyer, Larry Klayman, said in a telephone interview. Klayman said the families of some of the victims will file lawsuits against the government. Klayman told the newspaper that he had information showing that the U.S. government was aware of the Al Qaeda plot for years.
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Nov 13, 2019 23:08
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Martini baton. On the night of July 22, 1981, on the way back from a dinner party in Los Angeles, Bill Cosby went to the restaurant with friend Barry Scheck and ordered the famed Milano Margherita. He also had an order of scampi, steak and black forest ham with garlic and a side of mashed potatoes, served with an entire bottle of Chianti. After dinner, he and Scheck, who would soon become his attorney, went to the bar. "He ordered a glass of wine," Scheck testified. "He said he wanted to take a nap. He looked like he was in a good mood." He wasn't. "Mr. Cosby walked across the room and he grabbed my left breast and shoved it up against my stomach," Cosby accuser Andrea Constand testified. Bill Cosby arrives for his first round of preliminary hearings on rape charges at the Montgomery County Courthouse in Nor
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Nov 13, 2019 23:15
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Your monkey's shmuck." In another episode, the group was trying to find the source of a "pink" sound on the ground. The monkey came up with the idea that it was a "pink thingie." "Don't look so surprised," the doctor told the group. "He's just trying to make you laugh." The monkey got the joke, but the group members continued to poke fun. "So, where did you get this pink thingie? We've been looking everywhere," one man said. "It's a little girl," another man said, pointing at a little girl sitting behind them. "It's a pig," another man said. The woman who was wearing the pink pajama pants, though, was not having it. "Oh, man, you people have got to be kidding me!" she yelled, according to ABC News. "I thought
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Nov 13, 2019 23:21
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The more she drank, the more she shat, but the more she shat, the thirstier she grew. She shat and shat and shat for hours. When she shat a good many gallons of urine, she began to get thirsty again. Then she would take a drink of her piss and go to sleep. When she felt thirsty enough she would get up, and when she stood up, she would piss all over herself. Her mother always warned her to keep the urine clean and always took a bath in it when she was clean. As her mother could not watch her waste away from her, she decided to help her. So she would pee on the carpet and then smear it on herself to keep herself clean. After the first few times, her mother got very angry at her.
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Nov 13, 2019 23:25
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Live, laugh, love... and be free." At one point in his remarks, which were recorded for the video, Mr. Trump pointed to a number of prominent people from his own circle, including Mr. Pence, his daughter Ivanka, and his son-in-law Jared Kushner. "I don't know if the press will show it, but our whole thing is a family affair," Mr. Trump said. "This is so great." "We're going to have so many meetings that you people don't even want to mention," he added.
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Nov 13, 2019 23:31
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"Yabba dabba doo!" There are some things in life you just gotta do. Just gotta eat, just gotta gently caress, just gotta work. These are just a few. You get your kicks in the morning. So if you like your coffee, you make sure to get your morning dose of caffeine, so you can make it through the day and be awake for your own poo poo. This little fucker can hold his own in a fight. You gotta learn how to take down some of these big-rear end monsters, because when you get to be a little bit bigger, you start taking on the monsters and being a little bit bigger than they are, then you have to start taking on bigger and bigger creatures and then you're like, "Holy poo poo
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Nov 13, 2019 23:42
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| # ? Jun 7, 2024 02:18 |
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This was more intense than I was expecting from some Chromatics lyrics. Sometimes love feels just like hate. Love feels like pain; and pain is an illusion, a lie that keeps us down. We're not in love with pain, but we're in love with pain's ability to keep us down. We're in love with the fear it can create, the pain that it can produce, the pain that it can turn into a habit, the pain that it can create inside of us that we can't see. We're in love with the power of fear. So how do we overcome fear? How do we get past the illusion that fear keeps us down? How do we embrace our fear of love? The power of fear of love is the power to be vulnerable, to let ourselves get hurt, to have that pain of love turned into a habit of living and breathing. So here's a challenge. When you feel the fear of love, how can you make it part of your life? How can you keep yourself
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Nov 13, 2019 23:57
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