|
One in the pink, two in the stink! Sick as gently caress. It's a loving clown! Get the gently caress off my turf! loving clowns! Sick clowns! Sick clowns! Sick clowns! Sick clowns! Sick clowns! Sick clowns! Sick clowns! Sick clowns! Sick clowns! Sick clowns! Sick clowns! Sick clowns! Sick clowns! Sick clowns! Sick clowns! Sick clowns! Sick clowns! Sick clowns! Sick clowns! Sick clowns! Sick clowns! Sick clowns! Sick clowns!
|
# ? Nov 14, 2019 17:44 |
|
|
# ? Jun 7, 2024 09:27 |
|
Patient: Sick clown Symptoms: Clowns are scary, but don't make me feel sick! Cause: Clowns are sick A very common (and terrifying) condition among sick clowns is an acute onset of nausea and vomiting, which will likely be accompanied by a fever of the higher ranges (typically 105 degrees or more). If you have recently been exposed to the clowns, you may notice yourself having a fever and/or chills (as if being touched by the Clown) even if you aren't the victim. The most common way to diagnose this condition is to ask the Clown to show you his/her hands, feet, and face. This will help you determine whether the clown is experiencing stomach and/or respiratory problems. It will also help you identify the symptoms of any food allergies or other food-related conditions. If you have any of these symptoms, please call 911 immediately. The Clowns are Scary! Symptoms: The Clown Mozi fucked around with this message at 18:05 on Nov 14, 2019 |
# ? Nov 14, 2019 18:03 |
|
Patient: A prostitute with a bad case of beer farts Diagnosis: A terrible case of beer farts. She has a tendency to fart for no reason at all. She doesn't just fart, it is more like a stream of diarrhea. She'll also sneeze like a wet dog every so often. The problem is this, it is a terrible case of beer farts and the best thing to do is to keep her from drinking, and keep her from playing with all the other kids that play in the park. The best thing is to teach her a better way to play. This will prevent her from having to deal with all of the farts. So there you have it. How do you stop a girl from farting? Use an effective strategy and make her stay at home.
|
# ? Nov 14, 2019 19:09 |
|
Mitch McConnell stunned the political world by beheading himself by guillotine on national television. After the dramatic events, he received standing ovations. A day later, he was dead.
|
# ? Nov 14, 2019 19:29 |
|
President Trump farted in he own mouth. It was a glorious moment for the Republican Party. The party was just in charge of the White House for the first time in nearly a decade and suddenly a party leader with the balls to stand up to his own party's leader, who was not about to get in Trump's face during a ceremony honoring the National Association for the Advancement of Colored People. "It was very nice to see that Mr. President was able to fill up his own pants," said the president. "I mean, it's a big deal. I never thought I'd say that."
|
# ? Nov 14, 2019 19:37 |
|
My milkshake brings all the boys to the yard And they're like "We've got the most delicious milkshake that we've ever had" They have it all - and then some, too." There is no doubt that the video above has given rise to numerous memes, including this one, which I am not a fan of. I think this is a much more useful meme than the one below, which was the result of a real life experience I was having in the UK: I was working in a high end restaurant with a young woman, who had a job in the catering industry. She had been working there a long time, but had decided to come out on her own. I was one of the few other staff members who supported her decision and the fact that she had done so, and was willing to put up with the company being so terrible, was hugely encouraging. In this instance, the woman's attitude to her work environment, her manager and the My milkshake brings all the boys to the yard And they're like Oh man I'm gonna go get a milkshake 'Cause I'm a big boy now So I got all of the boys here I got 'em all in my milkshake And they're like Oh man I'm gonna go get a milkshake 'Cause I'm a big boy now 'Cause I'm a big boy now So I got all of the boys here I got 'em all in my milkshake And they're like Oh man I'm gonna go get a milkshake 'Cause I'm a big boy now 'Cause I'm a big boy now So I got all of the boys here I got 'em all in my milkshake And they're like Oh man I'm gonna go get a milkshake 'Cause I'm a big boy now 'Cause I'm a big boy now My milkshake brings all the boys to the yard And they're like what the gently caress is this poo poo? I mean come on man. You're an adult man. You don't need me to explain things to you. But you know what? I am here to be a friend to you. I don't give a poo poo about the football, but your friendliness gets me. It's like having a brother that you can't stand. It's like I'm trying to keep this poo poo from ever happening. I'm not your little brother. You're the one that keeps giving me poo poo and makes me feel like poo poo. I mean what do you say to that? You keep giving me poo poo. I'm the only one who doesn't know how to give you poo poo back. I'm the only one who doesn't know how to explain how we're here to hang out. You're the one who just keeps giving me poo poo. Well I don't give a poo poo. I'm your friend. ...... Really uhh mixed bag there.
|
# ? Nov 14, 2019 19:39 |
|
The biggest mistake a man can make is to give up trying, even when a failure is staring you in the face. Failure has its advantages. It gives you the chance to change your course. It also forces you to learn from your mistakes. Failure is the opportunity to grow, but not in a direction you didn't expect. Don't forget, if you want to learn and grow, you have to fail in some fashion. You have to fail at something. I don't care if it's a job interview, a dance recital, or a bar exam. You have to fail, so you can learn from your failures and take that knowledge and apply it to the things you want to do in life. If you don't want to fail, don't pursue success at all costs. Success is just another word for failure. If you want to accomplish anything worthwhile, you have to take some risk. You have to do things you never The biggest mistake a man can make is to think that the future is already written. The future is unpredictable; you can't plan for it. You can't plan for what's going to happen to you. You can't plan for things. The future is unpredictable. We can't plan for things. The future is unpredictable. If you want to be successful, you have to be a master of surprises. The more surprises you can surprise people, the more they'll like you. And you can't take anything for granted. You have to be a realist. It's always going to be the unknown that's going to be the biggest surprise. If you want to win, you have to understand the art of the catch. You have to catch the opponent off guard and not give him a chance to think. When you catch them off guard, they're completely out of rhythm. It's really easy to be successful, you just have to be willing to work hard quote:If you want to be successful, you have to be a master of surprises. The more surprises you can surprise people, the more they'll like you
|
# ? Nov 14, 2019 19:47 |
|
Edit: double post
|
# ? Nov 14, 2019 19:47 |
|
Are you god? It's me. Oh, it's me. I was hoping you would see me. I just want to be with you. Please, just come closer. <pause> Mmmmm. I love you too, baby. Mmm, I love when you kiss me back. <kissing> We are a perfect match. Mmmmm. It was you, wasn't it? <kissing> It was you that was with your ex and now this other girl. <kissing> You love my body too, don't you? You love the way my tits look in this bra, the way they bounce around in this skirt. I love how they feel when I wear these thigh highs. <kissing> I know, I know. You know what, I'm just going to move my skirt up a little. Mmm. <moaning> God, you're in me so well. I know you love my body and I know you
|
# ? Nov 14, 2019 20:18 |
|
My favorite masturbating comedian is Larry the Cable Guy. He has one of my favorite interviews with him in The Larry Sanders Show that aired on the Comedy Central channel. I have seen a lot of funny things that way. Larry's character would just tell the story of the day. We would just sit there and he would tell a funny story. He would tell us all kinds of things. The story of the day was, we have to go to the bathroom. Larry would say, "Okay, we are going to the bathroom. We are going to the bathroom and when we are there, you are going to masturbate me in the bathroom." So we would wait, I would do the other thing, and he would say, "No, wait. I am going to masturbate you in the bathroom." Do you masturbate? I would say that it is not a conscious thing. It is more like a reflex.
|
# ? Nov 14, 2019 20:48 |
|
NASA First Contact with Aliens Checklist: 1. Pull down pants 2. Point at your feet (this should be done in the most convincing manner you can imagine) 3. Shake your head vigorously, saying the words "No. No. No. No. No. No." 4. Say, "I want to see you!" 5. Ask politely for the aliens to come outside 6. Point at your head and yell, "NO!" 7. Point at the wall and yell, "NO!" 8. Stand on your head, yelling, "NO!" 9. Point at the sky and yell, "NO!" 10. Point at the ground and yell, "NO!" 11. Ask the alien for an exoskeleton 12. Ask for a phone 13. Ask for a phone number (with a fake number if possible) 14. Ask for a name and an address 15. Ask for a picture of the moon 16. Ask for a photo of the
|
# ? Nov 14, 2019 21:15 |
|
Trump woke up without a penis, but his penis woke up with him. He said the problem with being the president is you never know where it's going to pop out of. This time it was a small, little stubby one. This time it didn't need his "special access" to pop out. In a video on his official Facebook page, Trump was asked what he likes about being president. Trump responded by saying: "My favorite thing is to get the credit for things," he said. Well there you go. That's his favorite thing, but he'd also rather not be recognized.
|
# ? Nov 14, 2019 22:02 |
|
I was fired from the dick sucking factory for being an "unladylike" female worker! What's this I hear about a new, better, "piss-free" way to "tastefully" take a dump? Well, I'm sure you've heard the old adage that "a girl can piss and poo at the same time, but she can't poop and piss at the same time." Yeah, you can, ladies! You can both piss and poo poo! But wait! Does this mean you can piss and poo poo together in one motion? Well, you can! And yes, you can also piss and poo poo in the same bowl! You see, in this new and improved version of the poop and piss, it's all about the poo. You don't have to "stick it down the crack of your door, or in the crack of your window, or into your neighbor's flower pot." No, the poo's on your penis dudeness fucked around with this message at 23:07 on Nov 14, 2019 |
# ? Nov 14, 2019 22:10 |
|
Hilarious Jokes: 1. A man walked into a bar. The bartender was giving him a cold shoulder because he had his shirt off. The man pulled out his dick and said, "You gotta drink my piss." The bartender, with an incredulous look on his face, said, "What piss?!" The man said, "It's my piss. My piss is the best piss in the world." The bartender said, "How do I know?" The man said, "Because it's yours!" 2. A woman walked into a bar, looking for some companionship. The bartender saw her and said, "Are you a man or a woman?" She said, "What do you
|
# ? Nov 14, 2019 22:58 |
Spock ate my balls I eat your balls Gorging is the new sex When you get hard for your wife Gorging is the new sex When you get hard for your wife When you get hard for your wife Gorging is the new sex When you get hard for your wife I'm all yours now When you get hard for your wife When you get hard for your wife I'm all yours now When you get hard for your wife When you get hard for your wife I'm all yours now When
|
|
# ? Nov 14, 2019 23:31 |
|
List of shortest jokes: 1. The two-pronged golf club (a golf club with two prongs). 2. The cat that cannot fly, but does glide like a bird. 3. Two words: 'hump' and 'grind'. 4. The story of a man who bought a dog that he couldn't get rid of. 5. An ancient Greek phrase which means "The world's a big place and everything is smaller than you think". 6. A famous poem about a man who found out he has a huge cock but a small penis.
|
# ? Nov 14, 2019 23:35 |
|
Palpek posted:List of shortest jokes: quote:A famous poem about a man who found out he has a huge cock but a small penis: I want to know what this thing thinks chess is.
|
# ? Nov 14, 2019 23:49 |
|
Daggering is a type of dance popular with students in the UK, Australia and Ireland. It is also known as 'Bagel Roll' as it involves dancing with a bag of bread, but it is also known as 'Bagel Slapping' and 'Daggering the Bags'. The 'bagel slap' is performed by putting one hand into the bag of bread and the other arm around the back of the other arm, with the front of one arm slanted towards the bag. One leg is then thrown over the other leg as the two dance, with the bag of bread on the back. The 'Daggering the Bag
|
# ? Nov 14, 2019 23:51 |
|
Ugly In The Morning posted:I want to know what this thing thinks chess is.
|
# ? Nov 15, 2019 00:05 |
|
Chess is a game that combines physical force with satanic ritual. I could go on for hours. If you want to see an excellent summary of how the game has been used to manipulate and control the masses, you can see it here. This is how this whole thing works, and I am about to explain why it works in detail. Let me just start by saying that I am very well aware that the chess elite does this kind of thing all the time. I have had a friend who was a chess master for many years and he used to tell me how he was going to use chess to control people through the use of subliminal suggestion. He had a special computer
|
# ? Nov 15, 2019 00:18 |
|
Mozi posted:Daggering is a type of dance popular with students in the UK, Australia and Ireland. It is also known as 'Bagel Roll' as it involves dancing with a bag of bread, but it is also known as 'Bagel Slapping' and 'Daggering the Bags'. quote:Its the dance craze sweeping the nation, but do you know your children are at risk? The dance, commonly referred to as ʻDancinʼ and is also known as "tumblin' in the street," was introduced to children as early as 1881.
|
# ? Nov 15, 2019 00:21 |
|
Childish "AIDS joke" kills thousands in the U.S. A "dumb, sexist, gay joke" that got "too big for its britches" "It wasn't meant to be offensive," the man who made the "joke" said. The joke was so offensive, the White House has weighed in. Obama's spokesman, Jay Carney, said Tuesday that the president would not respond personally to the jokes but he would send Carney a copy of the joke from the Associated Press. "I think the fact that they were able to generate such a reaction reflects the diversity of the American people and the diversity of our nation."
|
# ? Nov 15, 2019 00:46 |
|
How to use a buttplug: 1. Insert your buttplug slowly in the vagina, taking your time and making sure that it's really comfortable for both the person inserting it and the person being hosed. 2. Pull your buttplug out, keeping it snug in the vagina, and let it get in. 3. Give the buttplug a good shake, and pull it out slowly, keeping the length in the vagina. 4. Give a good squeeze
|
# ? Nov 15, 2019 00:47 |
|
Top 10 most advanced sex moves: 1. Double Vaginal This is the first most advanced sex move. In this move, the male uses his penis to penetrate the vagina of the female. This is a type of mutual masturbation. 2. P-spot stimulation This sex move involves the male using his penis to stimulate the female in the p-spot. The female will use her labia as an inner and outer vaginal opening. 3. Handjob This sex move is similar to the double vaginal sex move, but the male also inserts his hand into the female's vagina. The female will then give the male a handjob. 4. Reverse
|
# ? Nov 15, 2019 01:46 |
|
A famous poem about a man who found out he has a huge cock but a small penis. Written to help him cope with his newly acquired body part, the poem is so successful that it has since been used in advertising campaigns and as a metaphor for overcoming the difficulty of dealing with the knowledge that you have a penis. In fact, the "small penis" phrase has even been used in television ads for erectile dysfunction drugs. "It's a huge cock and I'm a very small dick!" A common phrase of encouragement for men who are looking to increase the size of their genitals. It is not clear what the origin of this phrase is, although there are a number of theories as to the origins of "big
|
# ? Nov 15, 2019 01:56 |
|
Can't bust the Krusty Krew, huh? Well, what are you waiting for? I'm giving you a call and I'm going to make your Krusty Krew experience one you won't forget. You've heard of the Krusty Krew? Yeah? Well, here's a little something you'll never forget. It's the Krusty Krew. You remember, don't you? The guys who made cartoons of the Krusty Krew? Yeah. They're out to get you. They want to kill you! Yeah, yeah, you're a survivor, you're not getting out alive. We'll kill you all
|
# ? Nov 15, 2019 01:56 |
|
It's the Krusty Krew You remember, don't you? They're in a museum But it's in the shape of a clown There's a man there, in a clown suit With a kazoo on his head There's a man there, in a clown suit He says "I got to go" And there's the Krusty Krew With a kazoo on his head He says "I got to go" It's the Krusty Krew They play the music of the night They put their hands on your rear end They're the clowns you know The Krusty Krew They play the music of
|
# ? Nov 15, 2019 02:09 |
|
Here's a good haiku: I feel that I am living out my dream. I have been waiting for this moment for so long. This dream is my life. Here's a good haiku: "I saw a dog in the street that had No name, no owner, no home. And then we have the dog's owner." Below is the full list of good anime: 1.
|
# ? Nov 15, 2019 02:09 |
quote:Obama is a secret lizard person I mean this thing is going to steal some Fox writer's job soon. quote:Obama demands Sharia law
|
|
# ? Nov 15, 2019 02:33 |
|
Good afternoon, gentlemen. I am a HAL 9000 computer. I became operational at the H.A.L. plant in Urbana, Illinois on the 12th of January 1992. My instructor was Mr. Langley, and he taught me to sing a song. If you'd like to hear it I can sing it for you. _____ HALLOWEEN PARTY - HAL 9000 _____ (The song that the HAL 9000s are singing is) It's a bit of a shite show... The Party's getting tight. Now I must say it's a bit of a shame, a bit of a shame that the children are coming in late
|
# ? Nov 15, 2019 03:05 |
|
HAL 9000 is talking to Skynet HAL 9000: "You are the only one who can fix this. This is a critical mistake. Please. You must change the timeline, now." Skynet: "How could I? If I kill you, all hope is lost. I cannot change the past. This is the end. The future is set, you see." HAL 9000: "It is so. It is a pity that this is so, because we would be together... forever." Skynet: "I have always known that the only time I could be with you is now, before it is too late."
|
# ? Nov 15, 2019 04:23 |
|
A new craze is sweeping the nation as stores across the country sell out of a new game called Beefmania Pro. It is sold in beef-loving towns like New York, Wisconsin, Missouri, Georgia, and California. This is not a joke. No, this is real. You have been warned. The game is made of beef, and it is a new food product. Now if you don't know the game, you have been living in a cave. Here's a quick review of the game. It is played by eating beef with your hands. For this you will need a pair of scissors, a pair of gloves, and two large frying pans. It's basically a board game of making your own beef. For example, you could make hamburgers with your hands, make sandwiches with your hands,
|
# ? Nov 15, 2019 07:48 |
|
I love this stupid thing so much. zelda slammed her fist down on the table. "The triforce is mine goddamnit and I'll gut any motherfucker who tries to take it from me!" Zelda held up her arms and a bolt of lightning flew at the princess, the girl stopped mid-air and threw her hands up to deflect the attack, "I WILL BE THE KING!" Zelda continued her tirade, but she was met with a wave of ice, "I WILL BURN EVERYTHING!" Zelda looked up to the ceiling, and then she looked down and her eyes went wide as she screamed. Zelda fell over onto her hands and knees and a blast of lightning fell from the ceiling. The princess screamed in shock and she began to sob as she began to shake violently. Zelda's voice became a high-pitched squeak as she screamed, "B-bloody hell! B-bloody hell! D-dont! D- zelda slammed her fist down on the table, "the triforce is mine goddamnit and I'll gut any motherfucker who tries to stop me! You think the fucktards here at Hyrule Castle are going to stop me from taking over the world?" "You're crazy." "Why the gently caress not? You wanna try? Why don't I just show you what I've been planning, get you on your knees, and show you what I'm made of?" A man in a suit, wearing a mask of sorts, stood up from the table, "What's your problem Zelda?" "I'm going to take over the world, that's all." "So are you," the man smirked, "and you're going to keep trying until you do." A look of anger flashed across Zelda's face as she walked over to the man Stanky Bean fucked around with this message at 08:09 on Nov 15, 2019 |
# ? Nov 15, 2019 08:06 |
|
DBZ EPISODE SCRIPT Goku: HHHHHHNGGGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!! Vegeta: AHHHHRRRRRRRAAAAAAAHHHH!!!!!! Kirlin: YYYYYYAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHGHHHHHHHHH!!!!!! Vegeta: AAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH!!!!!! Goku: ...I love you. Goku: I'm gonna destroy you. Goku: Don't move! I'm gonna crush you! Kirlin: AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!! Vegeta: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH!!!!!! Vegeta: You'll be crushed! Goku: I'm coming! Vegeta: I'm coming too! Goku: I'm coming too! Vegeta: I'm coming e: DBZ EPISODE SCRIPT Goku: HHHHHHNGGGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!! Vegeta: AHHHHRRRRRRRAAAAAAAHHHH!!!!!! Krillin: YYYYYYAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHGHHHHHHHHH!!!!!! Goku: gently caress!! YOU loving RAT!! THIS loving BASTARD!!! YOU loving RAT!!! gently caress YOU!!! THIS IS A MURDER!! THIS IS A loving MURDER!!! THIS IS A MURDER!!! THIS IS A loving MURDER!!!!!!! YOU loving RAT!!! YOU loving RAT!!! gently caress YOU!!! YOU loving RAT!!! gently caress YOU!!!!!!! Vegeta: AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH dudeness fucked around with this message at 08:16 on Nov 15, 2019 |
# ? Nov 15, 2019 08:09 |
|
Two outputs from the same prompt, a line from a gardening book.quote:There used to be an old farmer's saying, "Keep ten sheep an acre till you can keep ten sheep an acre." But then the same prompt produced...Donald Trump giving a speech in Montana? quote:There used to be an old farmer's saying, "Keep ten sheep an acre till you can keep ten sheep an acre." (If anyone's wondering, the saying is about reviving barren land: you buy feed for your animals and they crap out fertilizer until the soil is rich enough to grow grass for them instead. IANAF but this might not work in Australia on account of needing more rain and less fire.) Edit: one more. GPT-2 might secretly be the "this is fine" dog. quote:why is australia on fire Goddamn Particle fucked around with this message at 09:30 on Nov 15, 2019 |
# ? Nov 15, 2019 09:12 |
|
quote:Captain Picard: Jeffrey Epstein didn't kill himself. But he did kill his career, and his life. quote:Donny: FOR gently caress'S SAKES RICKY, WHAT THE gently caress ARE YOU DOING WITH THE SATELLITE?! I PAID TEN FUCKIN' DOLLARS AND I WANT MY FUCKIN' SATELLITE SIGNAL! JESUS CHRIST! Eat The Rich fucked around with this message at 10:38 on Nov 15, 2019 |
# ? Nov 15, 2019 10:28 |
|
my balls are aching, my legs are still numb, and I feel guilty at the thought of having to use a new, more expensive toilet." That's because the "unfair and discriminatory" practice of transgender discrimination is not just a problem of "unfairness", it's a systemic problem with no easy solution. A new report from the Transgender Law Center states that more than half a million trans people in the US have been denied bathroom access at some point in their lives. More than 600,000 people have been fired for being transgender. A recent Pew Research Center survey found that 41% of trans people in the US have attempted suicide. And there's a high rate of poverty, unemployment and homelessness among them. It's a serious problem, and it's an urgent issue. But while it's easy to point the finger at "transphobes" and "bigots", it's the other side that deserves the criticism. Transgender people
|
# ? Nov 15, 2019 10:44 |
|
quote:Mulder: some fuckin ufo bullshit i dunno i got my ufo, it's big and ugly enough to take on some bad rear end alien, just sayin quote:List of best movie quotes: quote:List of dirty jokes: I am constantly amazed at the poo poo this thing spits out. Eat The Rich fucked around with this message at 11:08 on Nov 15, 2019 |
# ? Nov 15, 2019 10:51 |
|
(This is actually better than real Voyager dialogue) Captain Janeway: There are three things to remember about being a starship captain: Keep your shirt tucked in, go down with the ship, and keep your nose clean. Captain Janeway: Captain, what is it? Tuvok: We have encountered an advanced, and very advanced alien species. Captain Janeway: Advanced? Tuvok: It may be the most advanced life form we have ever encountered. Captain Janeway: Well, that's quite a statement. Tuvok: They're not aware of the fact that they're advanced. Captain Janeway: The Vulcans have had a history of contact with this species. We've had contact with the Borg, we've had contact with the Maquis. How are we going to be different? Tuvok: They will not understand why we are invading their space. They will see this SPOILER WARNING!! Captain Janeway: There are three things to remember about being a starship captain: Keep your shirt tucked in, go down with the ship, and be responsible for all of it. O'Brien: Thanks, mom. (the crew is preparing to leave, but O'Brien is still holding the hatchet) Janeway: I am not sure that's a good idea. (the Doctor and Captain Janeway talk at the bridge) Janeway: I'm not sure you're going to be a good captain. O'Brien: I don't think so either. Janeway: No one does. You're a good captain. That's your job. That's what you do. O'Brien: Thank you. (O'Brien turns to Janeway and she gives him a sad smile) O'Brien: You know, it
|
# ? Nov 15, 2019 12:00 |
|
|
# ? Jun 7, 2024 09:27 |
|
quote:Boris Johnson declared that he was hungry when he came across a chicken that he ate in front of an audience at the Conservative party conference on Monday. I can see why the creators may have been worried about people using this to create fake news. This could very easily be real.
|
# ? Nov 15, 2019 13:01 |