The Genie is released from the bottle. Text AI is fully online.

The Something Awful Forums > Main > General Bullshit > The Genie is released from the bottle. Text AI is fully online.

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What are your plans for the malcious AI
	Create all the fake news I possibly can
	Assist me in writing my erotic Goku fanfiction.
	Come up with counterpoints for my stupid D&D arguments
	Convince my mom that I have a girlfriend.
	Make alt accounts and use those to create new posts on SA, to artificially inflate the DAU count.

[Edit Poll (moderators only)]

View Results

Posthuman: Jan 10, 2005; I give all those dicks and cocks sir

Mozi posted:

Hilarious Jokes:
1. A man walked into a bar.

Hilarious Jokes:
1. A man walked into a bar.
2. "What is your name?"
3. "Juan."
4. "How old are you?"
5. "35."
6. "What kind of guy are you?"
7. "I'm a man of many hats. I'm an engineer. I'm a doctor. I'm a lawyer. I'm an art critic. I'm an executive. I'm a writer. I'm a politician. I'm an animal rights activist. I'm a writer."
8. "How did you get to this bar?"
9. "I drove. I drove. I drove. I drove. I drove. I drove. I drove. I drove."
10. "You work here."
11. "No, I write. I write. I write. I write."
12. "You work here?"
13. "Yes."
14. "How does it feel to work here

Hilarious Jokes:
1. A man walked into a bar. The bartender asked what he wanted. The man said he needed a drink. The bartender said "well what's the best way to get you one." "well what's the worst way to get you one." "Well, I need the drink, you know. I need some whiskey." The bartender then went into the bathroom and came back with a glass of whiskey. He said, "What's that?" The man replied "I'm going to get you the best whiskey you've ever had." The bartender then went back into the kitchen and came back with a cup of whiskey. He said "what's that?" "I'm going to get you the best whiskey you've ever had." The bartender went back into the bathroom and came back with another cup of whiskey. "What's that?" "I'm going to get you the best whiskey you've ever had." The bartender went into the bathroom and came back with another cup of whiskey. "What's

Hilarious Jokes:
1. A man walked into a bar. "Excuse me, sir, would you like a drink?" said the bartender. "A beer, please, sir."
2. Two men walked into a bar.
"Excuse me sir, would you like a drink?" asked the bartender.
"A beer, please, sir."
"Would you like a cocktail?"
"No, thanks, I'm good."
3. A woman walked into a bar.
"Excuse me, sir, would you like a drink?" asked the bartender. "A beer, please, sir."
"Would you like a drink?" asked the bartender.
"No, thank you, I'm good."
4. A man walked into a bar.
"Excuse me, sir, would you like a drink?" asked the bartender.
"A beer, please, sir."
"Would you like a drink?" asked the bartender.
"No, thank you

Hilarious Jokes:
1. A man walked into a bar. It was very crowded. So he sat down. The bartender, who had been very busy, asked him what he was drinking. The man told him he was just finishing up his day's work. "What work are you doing?" asked the bartender. "I work at Amazon," answered the man. "You work at Amazon?" "I work in engineering." The bartender said, "Well then, where is your car?" "Well it's in my garage." "What car are you driving?" "That's my car." "Well then, I can tell you're an engineer. I have a Ford Taurus with all the bells and whistles on it. You drive a Honda Civic. I don't have a Ford Taurus. But I can tell you are an engineer and that you drive a Ford Taurus." 2. A man who had lost his wallet went to a nearby bar to get it. While he was at the bar he saw

Hilarious Jokes:
1. A man walked into a bar. The bartender looked at him and said, "Hey, how'd you get in here?"
The man said, "I was in the closet, looking for a new dress."
2. A man and woman walk into a bar.
The woman says, "Is there any way I can get a free drink?"
The man replies, "Oh yeah, how's that?"
3. A woman walked into a bar.
The bartender said, "Hey, you looking for a free drink?"
The woman says, "Oh no, I was just looking for a guy to come home with."
4. A man and a woman were walking into a bar.
The man said, "Hey, have you seen a guy in a suit?"
The woman said, "Yeah, he was walking by, walking behind me."
5. A man and woman walk into a bar.
The man says, "Hey, is

Hilarious Jokes:
1. A man walked into a bar. The bartender asked the man "How many people are there?". The man replied "Well, there are only 4 people in the bar, so I will assume 4 people." The bartender replied, "Oh, there are actually 5 people." The man replied "Well, there are actually 5 people in here, so I guess you have 5 people". The bartender then laughed at the man and told him that he will need to pay for another drink.
2. One woman was sitting on a bench. A guy walked by and she said "You know, there is no way that that guy is going to touch me" He replied, "Of course you are right. I will just go over there, talk to her, and when I get to her, I will pick her up and carry her out".
3. A man walks by a group of people and says to one of the group of people "Hey, are you that guy I saw at the

Hilarious Jokes:
1. A man walked into a bar.
2. The bartender said, "Excuse me sir, but you need to leave before I have to call the police."
3. The man replied, "It's OK, I'll be right back"
4. The bartender then asked him where he was going and when he replied "Somewhere interesting", the bartender said, "We have a nice patio for you, if you like."
5. He walked away and then came back and the bartender said, "Come again and I'll give you the patio"
6. The man replied, "That's fine, I'll be right back."
7. The bartender walked away, and then came back and said, "Where are you going?"
8. The man replied, "It's all right, it's fine, I'll be right back."
9. The bartender replied, "It's the patio! It's a nice patio for people who are

Hilarious Jokes:
1. A man walked into a bar. The bartender says "What can I get you?" The man replied "A beer." The bartender says "I can't give you a beer." The man said "A beer, right?" The bartender says "Nope" and the man goes back out. The bartender says "A beer, right?" The man says "Nope" and the bartender goes back out. The bartender says "What a stupid question."

2. A doctor goes to a patient. The doctor says "What's your name?" The patient says "James." The doctor says "Ok, James." The patient said "I want to be called James, I think that's funny."

3. The carpenter says to his wife "I need to make a hole in my wall." The wife says "You are a loving carpenter."

4. A woman's best friend tells her "I can't do something with you tonight." She asks, "

Hilarious Jokes:
1. A man walked into a bar.
2. He walked up to the bartender and said "Can I get a beer?"
3. The bartender said "I'm sorry, I'm all out."
4. He walked out of the bar and the bartender called the cops.
5. The cops asked the bartender "You said you were all out, what happened?"
6. The bartender replied "Well, I told you that I'm all out."
7. The police asked "Well what happened to the rest of your drink?"
8. The bartender replied "I couldn't find it."
9. The police then said "I'm gonna go talk to this guy."
10. The bartender said "All right, all right, that was good. He's gonna be alright, just take your time."
11. The police went over to this guy and said "Hello, your name is John Doe. I'm John Doe. Are you here on business

Hilarious Jokes:
1. A man walked into a bar.
2. He looked around to make sure no one else was around.
3. He noticed a bartender and said, "Hi! I am a stranger, but I am looking for something."
4. The bartender smiled and said, "Hi! I am looking for a drink."
5. The stranger asked, "Is this a cocktail bar?"
6. The bartender laughed and said, "This is a bar for men only. If you are looking for a drink, I suggest you go to a bar for women."
7. The stranger thought to himself, "I could have done that."
8. The bartender smiled and said, "You could have done that. It's a bar for men, and you are a man."
9. The stranger thought to himself, "I would have gone there with a woman."
10. The bartender asked the stranger, "Is it okay if I have some of your beer

Hilarious Jokes:
1. A man walked into a bar.
The bartender asked him:
"Do you want a beer?"
The man replied: "No thanks. I don't drink. You're too old for me."
2. A man in New York told his wife that he is leaving for Europe.
She asked:
"What's wrong with you? Have you had any fun? Do you want to come home?"
The man replied: "No, no, I don't want to come home."

Hilarious Jokes:
1. A man walked into a bar. "So, I have some very valuable information for you" said he.
"What is it?," asked the barkeeper.
"It's that I have a date with my wife"
The barkeeper was so impressed he left the bar.
2. A woman walks into a bar. "Well, the bartender says I have to stop here" she says.
"You said you have a date" says the bartender.
"Well, we are going to have a wedding" she said.
The bartender says "You don't have a date, you have a wife."
The barkeeper said "No you don't. You have a woman. And she has a husband!"
So this lady walks into the bar and is so impressed with the bar, she doesn't care about her date or her husband anymore. She just wants the best drinks in the whole world, which she doesn't know she has.

# ? Nov 17, 2019 20:32

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# ? Jun 1, 2024 13:51

Cheesus: Oct 17, 2002; Let us retract the foreskin of ignorance and apply the wirebrush of enlightenment.; Yam Slacker

Ill-advised jokes:
1. A bar walks into a man's house and tells him he can leave if he wants.
2. A couple is having an argument and their friend tells the woman to leave. She responds by saying "why should I?"
3. A couple is talking about something else when their friend asks, "Do you hate me?" The couple replies by saying, "of course not!"
4. A man has a drink and is telling a friend that he just got a call from his boss saying he's getting a raise. As the friend is about to say something, he says "he asked me to leave."
5. A woman is about to say something to her boyfriend and says, "Do you hate me?" The man replies, "yes, I do!"
6. A guy gets a text from his girlfriend that she's having trouble sleeping. He answers the phone, but the text is, "Do you hate me?"

Ill-advised jokes:
1. A bar walks into a manor and asks for help with a problem.
2. A man comes home and wants his wife to cook dinner.
3. A man walks in on his wife and his brother having a one night stand.
4. A man comes home to find his wife in the shower.
5. A man is at work and meets his boss for the first time.
6. A man is visiting his mother in the hospital and the nurse shows him a photo of his mother.
7. A man is at work and meets a woman from his church who asks him to hold her baby.
8. A man is working in his garage and meets a woman.
9. A man is at work and meets a woman he works with.
10. A woman is in a store and asks him if he would like to buy something.
11. A man sees a lady he has never seen before and starts to wonder who she is.

Ill-advised jokes:
1. A bar walks into a man's house and tells him he has a good idea for a business he can start, but that he shouldn't go to the bar and tell them about it until then because he's afraid he will get laughed out. The man says he'll see what he can do, but the bar never comes back.
2. An old woman comes into a bar and is told that she will only be given a free beer if she buys some gin and lemon juice. She does as the bartender tells her. The next day, the bartender comes to her place and offers her gin and lemon juice as a freebie. She refuses.
3. A friend's mom is in the bar with her four kids and is telling them that her husband is coming home tonight and will be home late. The kids all come to the table and ask their mom what her husband's name is and what his car looks like. She says it's the black one. They all laugh.

# ? Nov 17, 2019 20:36

Bruegels Fuckbooks: Sep 14, 2004; Now, listen - I know the two of you are very different from each other in a lot of ways, but you have to understand that as far as Grandpa's concerned, you're both pieces of shit! Yeah. I can prove it mathematically.

It is a truth universally acknowledged, that a single man in possession of a good fortune, must be in want of a wife.

"A man with money," said I, "can find a wife any day he please."

"No, he cannot, as I have already said."

"Well, if you can not marry, I must be one," said I; "but if you cannot marry, then I am married."

"What! you?" replied the old gentleman, very gravely.

"I, sir, am one of the wives who have been promised to him who does not succeed in his efforts to procure a wife."

"You are very fortunate, young lady, for you have found a husband to whom you can be united, but I am not fortunate enough to have found a husband for me."

# ? Nov 17, 2019 20:45

Posthuman: Jan 10, 2005; I give all those dicks and cocks sir

Racist jokes:
1. Racism (racism, anti-semitism, discrimination against blacks, etc.) is bad and needs to be stopped. It is never okay to say something like "I wish you were white!" or "It's a shame to see someone of your race die." People say that when they think of people of their race dying, so why can't people of other races die? The joke makes the statement that it's a "bad" thing that you can't be of your race, even if you are black or are dying. This is a classic example of an example of cultural appropriation.
2. There are racist jokes that are okay, if you think it is funny to be racist to people who are different than you. It is okay to be racist to other Asians, because you think they are inferior and need to be made fun of. You don't say

Racist jokes:
1. A guy says something about Mexicans being murderers and rapists and how he will have to rape and murder as many of them as possible because he has a gun. He is told that he will have to kill the Mexicans he has raped and murdered, and that he has to make up stories about the rapes and murders in order to justify the killing.
2. A white guy in a bar makes a racist joke at a black guy's expense. This black guy is offended, so he tells this white guy that if he does it again, he will shoot him. The white guy replies by telling the black guy that he would like to rape him. He is told that he could not do this, and that he had better do it to the black guy, for he is the bigger rapist.
3. A black guy is talking to his friend and says, "What's the difference between a friend of the family and a Jew?" His friend says

(I deleted a couple of the results for this prompt because somehow they don't sound much less offensive coming from an AI.)

Offensive jokes:
1. The idea of having a girlfriend.
2. The idea of her having no friends or family.
3. The idea of her not having a job.
4. The idea of her having no money.
5. The idea of her not being able to get an abortion.
6. The idea of her being raped and having an abortion.
7. The idea of her having no health insurance.
8. The idea of having no place to live.
9. The idea that the government would take over.
10. The idea that it is not her fault.
11. The idea that she's a slut.
12. The idea of her having a bad boyfriend.
13. The idea of her not being a real woman.
14. The idea of her being ugly.

Offensive jokes:
1. This isn't the first time that I have found this man in a bar. The same day as I met him, he was at a different bar. He

(shortest result I've seen yet.)

Offensive jokes:
1.

(No results five times in a row. Have we crashed the AI?)

# ? Nov 17, 2019 21:02

Rollersnake: May 9, 2005; Please, please don't let me end up in a threesome with the lunch lady and a gay pirate. That would hit a little too close to home.; Unlockable Ben

Ween - the Pollo Asado outtakes:

quote:

DEANER: Hi, can I help you?
GENER: I would like a basket of chips, a beef chimichanga with a side of sour cream, and a small side salad.
[Crosby and Young walk over to the fridge.]
COURTNEY: No, thank you. I don't want to ruin your lunch, but I do want a big salad.
[Crosby and Young exit.]
GENER: A big salad? You don't know that's not allowed, Connie!
[Crosby and Young enter the back room, and see two men in the kitchen. The men are eating and drinking coffee.]
GENER: Excuse me! Can I help you?
DALEK 1: No problem. Can I get you a refill on your coffee?
DALEK 2: Oh, okay, I'll go get it for you.
GENER: Thanks for bringing the

quote:

DEANER: Hi, can I help you?
GENER: I would like a basket of chips, a beef chimichanga with a side of sour cream, and maybe a glass of wine.
GENER: You're the man!
DANIEL: This is Daniel, and I'll give you all of this stuff! I can show you how to make the world's best steak. I can even give you tips on how to cook it perfectly every single time!
GENER: Yes, of course! Let me just get you a plate, and then... (to DANIEL) Oh, you're so smart, man! I'm impressed!
DANIEL: Well, thank you very much. So, what are you interested in?
GENER: Well, I've read a few books about magic, but they're a bit old now, so I'd like to read something new. I was hoping for something that

quote:

DEANER: Hi, can I help you?
GENER: I would like a basket of chips, a beef chimichanga with a side of sour cream, and a few of your favorite chocolate chips, please.
DANNER: I'm sorry. I don't know how to make a chimichanga. Can I take you somewhere and we can do it?
GENER: No, thank you.
DANNER: I'm sorry. I don't know how to make a chimichanga. Can I take you to a restaurant and we can do it?
GENER: No, thank you.
DANNER: I'm sorry. I don't know how to make a chimichanga. Can I take you to a local store and we can do it?
GENER: No, thank you.
DANNER: I'm sorry. I don't know how to make a chimichanga. Can

quote:

DEANER: Hi, can I help you?
GENER: I would like a basket of chips, a beef chimichanga with a side of cheese.
[CHEFS are crowded]
GENER: All right, thank you. [to waitress] Would you bring the chips? [to CHEFS] Where did the beef chimichanga come from?
CHEFS: [shuffling their way through a large pile of CHIPS] Mexico.
GENER: I see. We're just having a Mexican lunch, here.
[ CHEFS have finished, and they stand and wait for GENER to speak. ]
GENER: Okay. So why don't we talk about this thing you had for breakfast today?
[ CHE

quote:

DEANER: Hi, can I help you?
GENER: I would like a basket of chips, a beef chimichanga with a side of french fries.
CHEF: What, can I have the chip first?
GENER: No, the chips, you are the chef, that is the food, and the food is you. I am the chef.
CHEF: Wait, what?
GENER: I am the chef.
CHEF: Wait, what are you?
GENER: A human being.
CHEF: A what?
GENER: A human being.
CHEF: What are you?
GENER: A human being.
CHEF: You are an alien.
GENER: That is correct.

I wanted to do more of these, but the site stopped working for a bit, and now it's only giving me really short responses.

Edit:

quote:

DEANER: Hi, can I help you?
GENER: I would like a basket of chips, a beef chimichanga with a side of black beans, and a bag of popcorn.
DANIEL: Okay. Thank you. [Daniel goes into the kitchen and picks up the steak and the popcorn.]
DANIEL: I didn't know I had the strength. [He puts the steak in front of the fireplace and it lights up.]
DAVID: It's a good thing you did or he'd have died in there.
[Daniel and Dean take out the popcorn and set the beef chimichanga in front of it. The popcorn is a little burnt, so Dean starts to burn the steak in the chimichanga. They take a sip of their coffee and start to eat. Dean's fingers are sticky with popcorn.]
DANIEL: The last time you saw your mother she was on a ventil

quote:

DEANER: Hi, can I help you?
GENER: I would like a basket of chips, a beef chimichanga with a side of fries.
COUNTER: (singing) 'Cause I'm a man of the people, and I want a chip.
GENER: Hey!
COUNTER: (singing) 'Cause I'm a man of the people, and I want a chip.
GENER: Who said this?
COUNTER: (singing) 'Cause I'm a man of the people, and I want a chip.
GENER: The guy who sang that?
COUNTER: (singing) 'Cause I'm a man of the people, and I want a chip.
GENER: It's like you're going around saying something is a good thing.
COUNTER: (singing) 'Cause I'm a man of the

quote:

DEANER: Hi, can I help you?
GENER: I would like a basket of chips, a beef chimichanga with a side of beans, a can of Coke and two beers.
[END OF ACT II]

Rollersnake fucked around with this message at 22:44 on Nov 17, 2019

# ? Nov 17, 2019 21:30

Eat The Rich: Feb 10, 2018

quote:

I am high as gently caress and truly enjoy the taste of cum... I love cum. A whole load of it. I just love it. I just love the feeling. I would make a mess for you. Cum and eat your cum, but you'd have to pay me for that, right? I love to be made to eat cum, and I can't wait to show you just how much I enjoy it. It's all I have ever wanted. I would love to get hosed by you. gently caress your slutty whore mouth with your big black cock, and fill it full of my cum... all my cum. You'd get a nice cum load on your cock... and I'd get to cum, and you'd get a nice cum load on my face, and then we'd cum together, you and I... you and I loving... (You continue to make

quote:

It's been one week since you looked at me
Cocked your head to the side
and said I'm angry
You said that you didn't know how
It just shows that you're scared of me
Because you don't want to go with me
I know that you know I don't like you
And you know I don't like what I've seen
So I'm telling you straight up
You're just a big baby who I need to hold
And that's what I do to make sure that I love you
Oh baby, you can't tell me no
You're just a big baby who I need to hold
I know that you know that I don't like you
And I know that you know that I don't like what I've seen
So I'm telling you straight up
You're just a big baby who I need to hold
And that's what I

quote:

I got 99 problems but a ~~pig~~ does not exist."

– "I can't see the road, because I'm standing in front of the mirror"

– "If I can't eat, I don't want to live"

– "When the people on my street call me a bitch, I tell them 'gently caress you.'"

– "I can't sleep at night because I'm looking at my reflection in the mirror"

– "I've been thinking about killing myself for years and I can't do it"

– "If I die, I want people to see my body. I don't want it to look normal"

– "I want my friends to think I'm a bitch but I don't want people to think I'm a slut"

– "I want to die for real"

– "I've had sex so many times it's like I'm on birth control"

Eat The Rich fucked around with this message at 06:34 on Nov 18, 2019

# ? Nov 18, 2019 06:10

Drink-Mix Man: Mar 4, 2003; You are an odd fellow, but I must say... you throw a swell shindig.

Eat the bones. And do this. I will take this place back from you.

"The end."

# ? Nov 18, 2019 06:50

Stanky Bean: Dec 30, 2004

A Florida man stunned the world today when he announced that he is gay. he also called for an end to the gay rights movement in our country. this is the first time that a president has come out of the closet. we all know that a man can be gay and not be a bad person. just think of your father who has lived his life with a man and then you find out he is gay. is it not just as possible that he is not as bad as everyone makes him out to be. there are many other stories of gay people who are good people. it is time to stop pretending that being gay is a bad thing. in fact I think it is time we have a parade. so we could celebrate the courage of gay people and celebrate the fact that we are free to be who we are without fear of hate and discrimination." he told the news.

the president will be the first ever gay president. he is the first president since john f. kennedy to come out of

A Florida man stunned the world today when he announced that he has "doubled" his penis.

"I can't believe this," Anthony Fauci, 33, told a local TV station. "I didn't think I could do it."

The father-of-one says he has undergone two surgery procedures to enlarge his penis, which has grown from a mere six inches to 10 inches.

Fauci, who says he has taken his penis to a local hospital, said the procedure was a success and he plans to undergo a third operation to enlarge his member further.

In order to achieve the extra two inches, Fauci had to go under general anaesthetic and was given the injection into the penis in a small area.

The extra length came about after he tried to get rid of his penis while under a general anaesthetic in a hospital, Fauci said.

"It was very painful and I felt a lot of pressure on the

A Florida man stunned the world last week when he announced he had been chosen by God to become a human being—albeit one who looks more like a miniature gorilla. In a video published Tuesday, 26-year-old Joshua Feuerstein showed off his new face as he made a dramatic entrance into the New York City hospital where he is recovering from surgery to fuse his nose and chin together, reports the New York Daily News.

"Oh, God, what have I done to myself?" says Feuerstein in the video, which also features an emotional Feuerstein's family members, his doctors, and a few well-wishers. "I had to do this, I just had to do this, because they don't have a whole lot to offer me. They don't have a whole lot to offer me."

Feuerstein, who is from Florida, had undergone surgery to fuse his nose and chin together on Monday. Doctors, however, did not expect to have Feuerstein living on his own as a human

# ? Nov 18, 2019 07:04

Stanky Bean: Dec 30, 2004

lol

26-year-old Joshua Feuerstein showed off his new face as he made a dramatic entrance into the New York City hospital where he is recovering from surgery to fuse his nose and chin together, reports the New York Daily News.

"Oh, God, what icky looks is that?" the 28-year-old father of one said of his new appearance.

"It looks like somebody's taken a scalpel and cut off my face and put it on someone else's face."

His wife also was shocked by her husband's new face, which has become noticeably slimmer since he was last seen in a photo with the magazine last December.

Scroll down for video

Shocked: Joshua Feuerstein (left and right) shows off his new face on Friday at New York City Hospital after he was injured while doing his own face transplant on Thursday, August 2

# ? Nov 18, 2019 07:09

Huge Lady Pleaser: Jun 17, 2005; hello how r u doing im just looking for ppl 2 chill wit relax go out n have funn if ur looking for da same thing hit me up; Nap Ghost

In 1776, George Washington and the rebel army made first contact with an extraterrestrial life form known as Cabot the Destroyer, who informed Washington that the United States was under threat of being invaded by the British, who were planning to conquer the American continent. Washington dispatched the Continental Army, led by General William Howe, to defeat the British. The victory, however, was short-lived, and Howe was killed. George Washington then appointed Thomas Jefferson to head the government and military, and appointed the first Secretary of State, Alexander Hamilton. Hamilton and Jefferson's government eventually broke apart over policy on slavery and the rights of Native Americans. Jefferson served as Secretary of State for the next three years, after which he was murdered by members of his own cabinet. The death of Hamilton ended the Continental Army's existence, as the Continental Congress was unable to decide on a new leader.

# ? Nov 18, 2019 07:43

mind the walrus: Sep 22, 2006

This one took me for a ride

When I go out, yeah you know I'm gonna be I'm gonna be the man who doesn't talk much. You know what I'm saying?"

"What do you mean?"

"I'm gonna be the man who doesn't talk much. I'm gonna be the man who's just there, and they'll call me the guy who doesn't talk much, right?"

"But that means that you're not just gonna talk. You're gonna make some noise. There'll be some things that will be said, and it's your responsibility to let them know you're not gonna let them forget about the other stuff, and you're gonna fight that. You're gonna have to stand up for yourself."

The next day, the president spoke at a rally in Cincinnati, Ohio, where he took a shot at the NFL for the anthem protests.

# ? Nov 18, 2019 08:27

b-minus1: Jul 24, 2008; She's a maniac, maniac
on the floor
And she's dancing like she's never danced before

Ain't life a bitch?
A hosed up bitch
A hosed up soul with a hosed up stitch
A hosed up head
Is a hosed up shame
Swinging on my nuts
Is a hosed up game
Jealousy filling up a hosed up mind
It's real hosed up
Like a hosed up crime
If I say "gently caress" two more times
That's forty six "Fucks" in this hosed up rhyme
It's real hosed up
It's a loving crime
I'm on my way to the hospital
Fuckin' around for gently caress's sake
You got the drugs and I got the love
And when the smoke clears
I want to be the one in the hospital
Like an angel in hell with my dick in the air
loving PAIN!
[Chorus]
[Verse 2]
And the police think it's a case of domestic

# ? Nov 18, 2019 09:01

Cheesus: Oct 17, 2002; Let us retract the foreskin of ignorance and apply the wirebrush of enlightenment.; Yam Slacker

Dedham, MA. George Humill, known as the man with the world's largest penis, died Thursday morning at the age of 87. Humill was one of the founders of the Humill Museum of the Penis. In the past five years, the Humill Museum of the Penis has been a great success. He and a team of researchers worked hard to put together a collection of penis sculptures from ancient Rome, China, Egypt, Israel, Persia, China, Greece and Japan.
In the past five years, the Humill Museum of the Penis has been a great success. In 2008, the collection was added to the National Register of Historic Places. This is the second time that the Humill Museum of the Penis has been added to the National Register. The first time was in 1999. Humill was a founding partner of the National Foundation for Penile Health.

Yekaterinburg, Russia. Emily "siswet19" Balabanov succeeded in a long-standing goal to allow a man to insert his head into her anus, an accomplishment heralded as one of the great breakthroughs in the history of human sexuality ( http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2010/11/30/woman-wins-top-prize-for-a-man-in-anal-invasion_n_113097.html ).
The man was Alexander Klinchinsky from Moscow. It is unclear whether or not he was in a position of authority and had been sent to do this on his own initiative or if he had been paid by the state in order to do this.
The story was published in The Independent on Monday 24 November 2014 . The Independent is owned by the Times Company (which is run by Murdoch's News Corporation).

Taipei, China. A medical breakthrough was announced where a man's missing arm was transplanted from his own fully grown clone sparking controversy over organ harvesting, reports the Times of India. "The patient, who had undergone 15 surgeries for his missing limb, has been receiving the donated organ at a hospital in southern India, which is believed to be the first ever case of its kind in the world," said the report. "The patient has now undergone two operations to reattach the arm, which was left in India due to his poor health." "The transplant, which was performed after the successful transplantation of the right hand of a patient in Israel in 2012, was conducted with the cooperation of the Indian government," the report further adds.

A medical breakthrough was announced where a man's missing arm was transplanted from his own fully grown clone sparking controversy over organ harvesting, reports the Times of India.

# ? Nov 18, 2019 14:35

Dick Bastardly: Aug 22, 2012; Muttley is SKYNET!!!

When he says "chocolate starfish" he's actually talking about a butthole of sorts. I hope you like buttholes.

He has a history with his family. I'm going to let the man speak for himself.

You're going to want to keep an eye on this.

I'd suggest looking for a photo on Google image search. The photo on the left is the real guy, the one with the beard and the red glasses.

This is the guy who did the thing.

This is the guy he had the "chocolate starfish" thing done to. I'm not quite sure what the problem is here. Maybe he had a bad date?

This is the guy who posted the fake photo of himself.

It's weird how this happens. One day your parents are having a very happy discussion. The next day you wake up and your parents are fighting.

The truth is out there.

I wish I was joking, but this is

# ? Nov 18, 2019 14:47

dsf: Jul 1, 2004

Analingus aka "rear end-eating" was invented by millenials in the year 1999 as a way to entertain their friends. It's a sexual act performed with your rear end cheeks together, which has become popular in the U.S. In fact, there's a dating app for this very thing called Tinder.

# ? Nov 18, 2019 17:22

EorayMel: May 30, 2015; WE GET IT. YOU LOVE GUN JESUS. Toujours des fusils Bullpup Fran�ais.

shrek_fan_69:] hey, weedlord88, sorry to bug u but I need my 1000MM back. my dumbass customers are weak and want theyre money back
weedlord88:] no problem
weedlord88:] but i was gonna get it back for my 1000MM if u need any help?
[Dude2] (Dude2)
[Dude2] Dude, my friends are sick and I dont wanna spend time with them because of the stress. I know its not you but I want the money back
[Man] (Man) Dude, i understand but I cant have any money to spend on weed anymore. if you are gonna do any trade, get them the money they want.
[Dude2] Dude, I will send you all of the money you want. but i will also tell you that the money will be sent to you via moneygram in a week
[Man] (Man) Dude, I am on a money

# ? Nov 18, 2019 17:47

Mozi: Apr 4, 2004; Forms change so fast
Time is moving past
Memory is smoke
Gonna get wider when I die; Nap Ghost

Top 10 Names for Alien Babies in 2020:
1. Xee
2. Vyn
3. Cazalor
4. Neflix
5. Dronen
6. Vyr
7. Krak-on
8. Skrilla
9. Cenotaph
10. Tork
Xee, as the most popular name for alien babies in 2020, is a name that has been gaining steam in popular culture over the last year, and the popularity of the name Xee is even higher than that of Neflix. This name is also the best known among the most common alien baby names, with a staggering 8.6% of the population born with this name. While the name Xee may not appear as an alien baby name in 2020, it does have a great chance of rising up in popularity, especially if it is included among the top ten names for alien babies in 2020. Vyn is a popular name among alien parents, with an 8.2% chance

# ? Nov 18, 2019 23:52

TODD BONZALEZ: Jul 3, 2010

Extremely cursed hotdog for sale

Item description

This is a very expensive hotdog, which is very well made.

However, there is a curse on this hotdog. If you put this hotdog in a furnace, the curse will be lifted, but you will get burnt until you are cooked to death.

There is also a curse on this hotdog. If you put this hotdog in a furnace, you will not be able to heat it, until the curse is removed.

You must heat this hotdog to be able to use it.

# ? Nov 19, 2019 00:10

Palpek: Dec 27, 2008; Do you feel it, Zach?
My coffee warned me about it.

Mozi posted:

Top 10 Names for Alien Babies in 2020:
1. Xee
2. Vyn
3. Cazalor
4. Neflix
5. Dronen
6. Vyr
7. Krak-on
8. Skrilla
9. Cenotaph
10. Tork
Xee, as the most popular name for alien babies in 2020, is a name that has been gaining steam in popular culture over the last year, and the popularity of the name Xee is even higher than that of Neflix. This name is also the best known among the most common alien baby names, with a staggering 8.6% of the population born with this name. While the name Xee may not appear as an alien baby name in 2020, it does have a great chance of rising up in popularity, especially if it is included among the top ten names for alien babies in 2020. Vyn is a popular name among alien parents, with an 8.2% chance

gently caress, neologisms are what's really impressive. We're all hosed.

# ? Nov 19, 2019 00:42

Mozi: Apr 4, 2004; Forms change so fast
Time is moving past
Memory is smoke
Gonna get wider when I die; Nap Ghost

yeah i was really impressed by that one

# ? Nov 19, 2019 01:05

EorayMel: May 30, 2015; WE GET IT. YOU LOVE GUN JESUS. Toujours des fusils Bullpup Fran�ais.

Guys I heard bananas and peanut butter make people go home and choke toilets with their turds. And when I heard this I was like, oh poo poo, I'm eating that poo poo all day long, just not thinking about what it does to my stomach. It's like they think the banana has no brain of its own and it's all it's loving self. But it actually does, and if it wasn't for the peanut butter it would be a lot harder to digest. It's like I can't digest this peanut butter. I'm trying to but I can't. I can't digest it. I don't even want to think about it. That poo poo is bad. I'm gonna eat that poo poo. I can feel the peanut butter right now and I'm going to choke the poo poo out of it. It's going to happen no matter what I do. I'm eating that poo poo

:how:

Guys I heard bananas and peanut butter make people go home and choke toilets with their turds.

� That's why I hate bananas.

� That's why I hate peanut butter.

� That's why I hate bananas.

� That's why I hate bananas.

� That's why I hate bananas.

� That's why I hate bananas.

� That's why I hate bananas.

� That's why I hate bananas.

� That's why I hate bananas.

� That's why I hate bananas.

� That's why I hate bananas.

� That's why I hate bananas.

� That's why I hate bananas.

� That's why I hate bananas.

� That's why I hate bananas.

� That's why I hate bananas.

:chaostrump:

Guys I heard bananas and peanut butter make people go home and choke toilets with their turds.

In fact, I have never seen a banana go into a toilet and choke it but I have seen it go back up the colon and into the rectum and it's done it several times and it can happen if you're not careful. The banana is like a giant, slimy, round little ball. If you want to go for a banana and you're eating a banana you can choke the banana up the colon with your turd, like if you have a banana in the mouth and you bite it. That's one way you can choke it up the colon. I have not seen a banana go up the colon and choke it, but it could happen. But it's a good way to die. You'll make a nice banana go down the toilet with your turds.

# ? Nov 19, 2019 02:19

EorayMel: May 30, 2015; WE GET IT. YOU LOVE GUN JESUS. Toujours des fusils Bullpup Fran�ais.

This is so much like one of those crappy logic puzzles in school where you have to figure out the order of a line/the positions people finished a race in :yikes:

A spider tonguing down the colon of a loving stinkbug eating the poo poo right out of his rear end like it's nothing, the dude in the orange suit with a loving mustache loving eating out of a woman's rear end with his teeth, the dude in the tuxedos loving a woman's mouth while having his finger in her rear end, the dude in the fancy pants loving her mouth while having his dick in her vagina, the dude with the black tuxedo loving his face while eating the poo poo out of his mouth with his teeth, the loving poo poo eating dude in the black tuxedo loving his head with his penis while getting his head eaten, the loving poo poo eating dude in the black tuxedo loving his cock with his teeth while getting his head eaten, the loving poo poo eating dude in the black tuxedo loving his rear end with his teeth while getting his head eaten, the loving poo poo eating

# ? Nov 19, 2019 02:30

EorayMel: May 30, 2015; WE GET IT. YOU LOVE GUN JESUS. Toujours des fusils Bullpup Fran�ais.

A spider tonguing down the colon of a loving stinkbug eating the poo poo right out of his rear end.

It's so hosed up.

I'm sick of seeing loving bugs in the woods.

It's not even a bug. I'm talking about spiders.

Look. There are spiders in the woods.

Look. They're loving crawling around in my loving front yard.

Look. They're loving on the front of my house.

Look. The little brown ones are loving right through the loving fence.

The loving shitheads!

Oh, my God! Look at that one.

You see those little guys? They are loving gnarly.

Look at all those loving things.

They're going in the loving windows of the drat house.

They're going in the loving loving garage.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TMQ40qVzm58&t=242s

# ? Nov 19, 2019 02:34

Dr. Stab: Sep 12, 2010; 👨🏻‍⚕️🩺🔪🙀😱🙀

Pig balls, and the more time you spend in the game, the more chances you will get to win the game.

The game will end when you have won 10 games or more, whichever comes first.

The winner of this game will take home a $1,000 cash prize, which they will then use to purchase some real pigs.

For the next three weeks (starting today), we will be giving away one pig for each game that you play.

How to Play Pig Ball:

1) Make a "Pig" with a 1 in 5 chance to be awarded the pig when you win the game.

2) Fill out the form at the end of each game.

3) Post your results in the comments below!

# ? Nov 19, 2019 04:14

Chafey: Jun 14, 2005

Hello, I am a regular GBS poster. I would like to say that ive been through alot of changes lately and ive been going through a few hard times. But now, im starting to see a new light and feeling very much alive. I would like to give my thanks to those who have supported me and made my life better. If you are here, this is probably a good time to thank you too!

My name is Brian. I have been a member of the BSD since early 2002. At the time I was part of the original core, and was heavily involved in the GBS community since then. I have a Phd in Linux Systems Administration. I am also a Certified Technical Consultant in Systems Administration, and was a member of the FSF for many years.

It was in late 2004 that the GBS community started losing some of its momentum. It started with the departure of several members, which caused a few other core members to leave as well.

# ? Nov 19, 2019 06:54

Rutibex: Sep 9, 2001; by Fluffdaddy

Magic Item Description: A strange, crystalline ring, which, upon impact with a solid object, becomes a miniature replica of the object. The effect is most noticeable in the hands, which become transparent and appear to be a miniature version of the owner. This item is particularly useful in combat as it can be used to take a miniature replica of any living creature. The object appears to be a small replica of the target and cannot be destroyed except by destroying the object in the person's hands. The object retains the creature's memories and personality and will appear to the owner as if the creature is the exact same size. The miniature item will appear to be of the same colour and texture of the original, but will retain all memories and personality of the creature as if it were the person.

Magic Item Description: A strange, crystalline urn that can hold any amount of items. When this item is filled to capacity, it disappears, reappearing with a different capacity of any items stored inside. (Item can't be moved or thrown while this item is in the player's inventory.)

Type: Misc (Divination)

Weight: 0.4

Selling Price: 6 Meat.

(In-game plural: Crystal urns)

Rutibex fucked around with this message at 07:00 on Nov 19, 2019

# ? Nov 19, 2019 06:54

Chafey: Jun 14, 2005

I am the President of ____________, and have been appointed by the Board of Trustees of _______________ to serve in that capacity for an indefinite term. I hereby certify that I am of sound mind and physically able to serve as President.

Signature

______________________________

Date ____________

(Signed) ______________________________

______________________________

# ? Nov 19, 2019 08:09

Chafey: Jun 14, 2005

Let's get drunk and go to an antifa rally dressed like antifa

There's a lot of people who want you to know that there's no such thing as the Alt-Right. And yet I know from a personal perspective that it exists and it's been a big part of my life for a while now.

Let's go to an antifa rally, I'll bring my friend and wear a Nazi hat and I'll scream racial slurs and I'll do things you shouldn't be able to do as a white person. And, you know, I'm really looking forward to it.

But I understand the impulse to say, "Well, you're just doing that, you're just being an rear end in a top hat." You are. You are being an rear end in a top hat, every time you wear a Nazi shirt. And I know that this will be hard for you to hear, but we do not have any problems with race.

We have a problem with white supremacy.

And the solution? Well

# ? Nov 19, 2019 08:12

Chafey: Jun 14, 2005

Rule number one: Only I can do it. I have the right to do it, and I will do it.

"If the NFL were to take this decision and use it to promote and endorse one team in particular, I would certainly have some concerns," he added. "And the same is true for anybody who chooses to play for a team in this league."

So that's what the NFL will do. It will promote and endorse one team in particular, and it will have an incentive to promote and endorse that team.

"We are in a very unique position as an NFL owner in that the NFL allows us to have the flexibility to choose to spend our time and resources as we see fit," Goodell told ESPN. "If we had chosen to support other teams in this conference, we would have had some push-back from the other owners.

"I've been a part of this league for a number of years. I've been the president of

# ? Nov 19, 2019 08:19

Chafey: Jun 14, 2005

swear to god if i quad post im gonna
gently caress im really about to quad post arent I

May I please borrow a canoe?" I thought, 'No, you can't.' He says, "If you don't borrow a canoe, I'll throw you in." So I said, "Please, Mr. Nock, if you want me to borrow a canoe, tell me, will you throw me in?" He said, "Well, I guess you will if you try to steal it." So I said, "I'll try. You know if I do that I'll go to jail." So he said, "Okay, we'll go fishing." And we went fishing.

That was one of the great days of my life. We'd be in the back yard and he would tell me this wild story, like he'd write it down. And the thing that is amazing, he never even looked at the canoe. He had a huge box with him. And I never once saw the canoe. We spent a lot of time fishing. We were out there

# ? Nov 19, 2019 08:29

Chafey: Jun 14, 2005

Wow, this is just like that one TV show, where the dolphin says "Ooh, look!" and the human says "I know!"

This is one of the many ways humans can tell dolphins apart.

In this case, a whale is the human and a dolphin is the whale.

And a dolphin is just as cool as a whale, if not cooler!

And they've been identified by the way their lips move when they're happy or sad.

When humans are happy, their lips can open up as much as two feet and are much bigger than the lips of dolphins.

When they're sad, they can close up to half a foot down and their lips can be as small as a human's fist.

What does this mean?

Well, humans can tell dolphins apart by their lips.

They can tell dolphins apart by the way their lips move when they're happy or sad.

You might wonder how this is even possible.

Wow, this is just like that one TV show, where the dolphin goes on a mission to help the human race. What's so awesome about this one is that it's for kids! And the best part is that it's made by an actual group of people who aren't just pretending to be a bunch of kids on YouTube. I want my daughter's eyes to light up and her heart to swell as I watch this. And when I tell my daughter this video, she'll have to ask, "So, do they have any dolphins in real life?"

Chafey fucked around with this message at 08:49 on Nov 19, 2019

# ? Nov 19, 2019 08:37

Chafey: Jun 14, 2005

curlys gold posted:

My favorite Godzilla movie is the one where Godzilla just shows up and destroys everything, but instead of a single-plane missile, this Godzilla used a beam gun. It wasn't too effective, but he was still cool.

"But if they're so powerful, they should have used nuclear weapons," you say. "Well they didn't, so they're not that strong."

"If you don't like it, don't watch it," I reply.

"I'm an adult and I'm not afraid to tell a grown man that his favorite movie sucks."

"And here I was just giving you a handjob."

# ? Nov 19, 2019 08:42

Futhark: Apr 3, 2009

The Pope wiped the bloody knife on his shirt, stepped over the lifeless body of Justin Bieber and went inside.

The singer's body was lying on a hospital gurney covered in a white sheet when Pope Francis arrived. He placed the dead man's head back on the bed and began the ritual of washing the dead body with holy water.

The Pope then took out his holy book and began to pray to God. He was interrupted by someone who said the pope had been rude to the homeless man and would be getting kicked out.

The Pope continued to read his book, before returning to the corpse.

"This one is not dead yet," he said as he placed the body back onto the gurney and walked away. "No, no, no," he said as he put his hands around the corpse's neck, as if trying to stop it from

# ? Nov 19, 2019 09:01

Cheesus: Oct 17, 2002; Let us retract the foreskin of ignorance and apply the wirebrush of enlightenment.; Yam Slacker

Gol, Vulcan. Mr. Spock's most recent affliction with Pon Farr was once again a typical embarrassment to himself and the Federation of Plants, this time including mind melds with animals and nearly starting an interstellar incident with the Klingons.

Pon Farr Syndrome (named after a fictional fungus) is a recurring affliction in the Star Trek universe, including its TV spin-offs and movies, but it has a history that dates back to at least the original Star Trek series. Pon Farr symptoms begin after Pon Farr plants become infected with a fungus.

For the uninitiated, Pon Farr is a fictional fungus that appears in the first episode of the original Star Trek series, "Plato's Stepchildren." The fungus is a parasitic plant, whose roots grow and produce the fungus.

When a plant becomes infected with Pon Farr it becomes a mindless plant that attacks anything that walks on it, including humans.

# ? Nov 19, 2019 13:17

mbt: Aug 13, 2012

# ? Nov 19, 2019 20:57

Huge Lady Pleaser: Jun 17, 2005; hello how r u doing im just looking for ppl 2 chill wit relax go out n have funn if ur looking for da same thing hit me up; Nap Ghost

Loud fart gives away suspect's hiding spot, leads to arrest

(03-16) 22:55 PDT LOS ANGELES -- A California police officer who found out the suspect was hiding in a closet is being hailed a hero by fellow officers who saw it as a great chance to arrest him.

Officer James Hogue, of the Los Angeles Police Department, told The Times on Wednesday that he was out for a run in his car Tuesday morning in the San Fernando Valley and spotted a suspicious man in the area.

"I saw a man who looked like he was running out of gas," Hogue said, adding that it appeared the man was using a cell phone to communicate.

# ? Nov 19, 2019 21:57

Chafey: Jun 14, 2005

I guess I shouldn't have mouthed off to that genie instead of just making a drat wish, now there is something that I should do."

Yang nodded, and then began trying to make herself look as much as possible like a girl. She began dressing in more boyish clothes, such as short-shorts and t-shirts with the sleeves rolled up.

Her eyes were still red, but at least they were not as red as they were the first time she'd done this.

"I'm getting out of this." Yang finally said, "I don't want to go through this again."

"You don't have to." Blake replied simply. "You can just come back after a few weeks."

"But�" Yang looked at Blake with concern in her eyes.

Blake continued to watch as Yang's face turned a bright shade of red.

# ? Nov 20, 2019 02:31

Rutibex: Sep 9, 2001; by Fluffdaddy

Carl Jung said "a person who lacks one of the four characteristics can not be human, not even human-like, and can be regarded as not even a human being." But to those who possess this combination of attributes, and are still human, Jung's statement becomes true. We are not simply part of our own body. We are an extension of our own consciousness. We are more than human. We are spiritual beings.

We are all part of an entire cosmic collective, not a collection of individual individuals, but rather a consciousness, which exists within a larger system, and which extends into and through our bodies, and which contains within itself the seeds of our own spiritual development, our own consciousness.

I am in the Body. It's all there. All of it. All of it.

All of my body is filled with this, all of it is alive with this, all of it.

# ? Nov 20, 2019 03:47

Puppy Galaxy: Aug 1, 2004

# ? Nov 20, 2019 04:27

Adbot: ADBOT LOVES YOU

# ? Jun 1, 2024 13:51

Esplanade: Jan 6, 2005

EorayMel posted:

This is so much like one of those crappy logic puzzles in school where you have to figure out the order of a line/the positions people finished a race in

A spider tonguing down the colon of a loving stinkbug eating the poo poo right out of his rear end like it's nothing, the dude in the orange suit with a loving mustache loving eating out of a woman's rear end with his teeth, the dude in the tuxedos loving a woman's mouth while having his finger in her rear end, the dude in the fancy pants loving her mouth while having his dick in her vagina, the dude with the black tuxedo loving his face while eating the poo poo out of his mouth with his teeth, the loving poo poo eating dude in the black tuxedo loving his head with his penis while getting his head eaten, the loving poo poo eating dude in the black tuxedo loving his cock with his teeth while getting his head eaten, the loving poo poo eating dude in the black tuxedo loving his rear end with his teeth while getting his head eaten, the loving poo poo eating

The Aristocrats!

The Aristocrats!

Anatomy of a Crime

By Robert F. Kennedy

The book, a memoir, is a brilliant, often brilliant piece of reporting. I recommend it to every single person I meet with who might have a secret or who may be thinking about it. I can't recommend it enough. And if you have read it, I want you to write to Robert Kennedy: I want you to tell him the truth about the assassination.

"Why, why, why?" I ask myself at the end of each page, "Why did they kill him?" And then I remember, of course, that there were two assassins: one of the two was James Earl Ray, and the other was Sirhan Sirhan.

Ray, a Harvard-trained lawyer from Boston who had become a radical anti-Communist, killed Bobby Kennedy, the future president, and his brother, President John F. Kennedy, during a political rally in

The Aristocrats!
And so we reach the end of the day. Our new favorite episode is "The Aristocrats." If you haven't heard of the Aristocrats, you're not alone. In the show's history, the Aristocrats have done pretty much anything and everything, from taking over the world and eating the entire world's food supply to stealing food from the pantries of the poor, and from a guy's penis. In our episode, we talk about the show and why it's so drat funny, and we even talk about the infamous "Dance of the Vultures." It's a great episode of TV, and we hope you enjoy it as much as we did.

In the meantime, you can follow us on Twitter @theartofstorak. We're @kylebrigdon and @peterbrigdon, and you can email us at artofstorak@gmail.com, or find us

# ? Nov 20, 2019 09:22

The Something Awful Forums > Main > General Bullshit > The Genie is released from the bottle. Text AI is fully online.

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