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sheep-dodger
Feb 21, 2013

Posting here so Kangxi gets a new page

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Kangxi
Nov 12, 2016

"Too paranoid for you?"
"Not me, paranoia's the garlic in life's kitchen, right, you can never have too much."
Chapter 51: 1339 to 1343 - Tsenpo Purgyal Zungtsen 'the Handsome'


[From The Book of Khedrup Lingpa, a 14th-century mystic.]


In the east, in the year when disorder and disintegration took hold in the east at rgya [1339],


In the time of the benevolent, the cherished Emperor gZung-btsan [Zungtsen],


who restored temples and built holy places,


Who yet faced setbacks in the west with the fall of the kingdom of the western desert,


where all warriors and monks were forced to abandon their stations and cities and fled to Sanaa and the ports of Oman to flee back to holy Tibet, where the Mongols had thus driven us out and become the saviors and holy warriors beloved by those who worship the one god and circle the black stone,


where there was still peace and understanding.


He is a good and temperate ruler, and we yet enjoyed prosperity and peace,


where other kingdoms and places fell into disintegration, where their crops withered and their temples were desecrated,


because of the abominations of their rulers.


The great emperor had consulted with a priest, who had been given a vision of the trees and mountains of the south bowing towards the north, and of luminescent clouds heading from east to west. He transmitted this knowledge to the emperor.


With this, the priest determined now was the time to restore all of the south to Tibet.


The emperor was at first unattached to a new campaign, as he was attached to material desires,


and had grown to the size of an ox.


But he was soon convinced to join the great proceedings,


where each victory was sanctified by his presence.


In this year, when the Mongols were driven out and the followers of the peacock replaced them [1340],


Tibetan armies marched south.


The great and magnificent emperor pursued the enemy, to the capital of an ancient kingdom,


and destroyed their army in a single blow. He was carried aloft to the battle and saw the great victory,


And much of the south was restored.


He allowed the kingdom in the west near the great salted lake to remain independent and free with their tribute,


and restored direct administration to the south and brought it upright, he restored order.

Were this all I would write, I would be contented to write about the life and exploits of a good emperor, a great and benevolent man, holy and unforgettable, ready to proclaim his achievements to the world and honored by his great lineage. But this is not so. I cannot understand how the base and evil persons of the world were brought high, nor how the great and good were brought low. As the temple bells in Jokhang ring...

In the year 1333, the emperor's beloved wife was delivered of a daughter. The emperor was happy at the news, and was warm and thankful to his dear wife. She would be named Lasya, after a goddess.

In the coming months, the baby was observed to behave strangely. She bit fiercely the midwives, bullied the other infants in the nursery, and made foul noises. This was not entirely beyond the pale, but it was a matter of concern for the emperor and the health of the other children.



When the baby was two, he consulted a great priest, one of my dearest friends, Drag. Drag, after much consultation of prophecy and historical records, confided in the noble emperor that his child was possessed by evil spirits and that the child's mother, his wife, may have been consorting with evil forces.



The emperor refused to believe it. He refused to think that his wife could have done something so evil, or that such things could happen here, in Lhasa, a sacred place. I cannot but respect the emperor's previous qualities of bravery and kindness, but if he were aware of anything that would have happened after, indeed even a fraction of it, we all would have been forever grateful to him for destroying evil. It was not to be.

Mr.Morgenstern
Sep 14, 2012

:getin:

Meinberg
Oct 9, 2011

inspired by but legally distinct from CATS (2019)
Oh yes, this is a pleasing sign of times to come.

MaxieSatan
Oct 19, 2017

critical support for anarchists
It's the loving Revenant all over again, isn't it. :negative:

Mirdini
Jan 14, 2012

:unsmigghh:

winterwerefox
Apr 23, 2010

The next movie better not make me shave anything :(

Chonky no :smith:

Ferrovanadium
Mar 22, 2013

APEX PREDATOR

-MOST AMMUNITION EXPENDED ON CIVILIANS 2015-PRESENT
-WORST KDR VS CIVILIANS 2015-PRESENT

Oh hell yes.

Aeromancia
Jul 23, 2013
This is the best possible outcome.

Sindai
Jan 24, 2007
i want to achieve immortality through not dying
Oh boy :allears:

megane
Jun 20, 2008



:yeshaha:

Iceblocks
Jan 5, 2013
Taco Defender
Wait, I thought this event could only happen to christians, muslims or jews. Is this a mod or are there doctrines, etc that lets reformed pagans get it?

Rubix Squid
Apr 17, 2014
IT BEGINS :getin:

wedgekree
Feb 20, 2013
Someone not familiar with this can explain it?

Complications
Jun 19, 2014

wedgekree posted:

Someone not familiar with this can explain it?

Kali's kid has come to town, and they're fresh out of bodhisattva's to stop her.

Xelkelvos
Dec 19, 2012
Tse could've prevented this :colbert:

Technowolf
Nov 4, 2009




wedgekree posted:

Someone not familiar with this can explain it?

Have you ever seen Rosemary's Baby or The Omen?

GunnerJ
Aug 1, 2005

Do you think this is funny?
The text of the update is saying "this kid seems like demon spawn" that's it.

Kangxi
Nov 12, 2016

"Too paranoid for you?"
"Not me, paranoia's the garlic in life's kitchen, right, you can never have too much."
Chapter 52: 1343 to 1350 - Tsenpo Purgyal Zungtsen 'the Handsome'

A selection of primary sources and quotations from correspondence; from the people and court of Lhasa

Nampar Labdrön, a monk associated with the Sacred Hierarchy

The new tutor has been a blessing. She has been helpful around the court and kind to everyone. She has been of considerable assistance with the writing and the bookbinding. Her knowledge of astronomy and mathematics is unimpeachable.


And most of all, that little hellion of a daughter the emperor has - she's the only one who can make her do anything.


I wish I could get her name right. I can't even write it down! That language of hers....but it means 'the clarity of the world'. Beautiful, isn't it?

=========================================

Gyelmo Khon Kunzang, Vassal Queen of Nepal; Lord of the Palace, to her staff

Oh the emperor? Well, yes, he had been drinking a lot more recently,


Please don't tell anyone you heard that from me!


I know the Gyelmo of Kamarupa would lose his temper completely if he knew I told more people...

=========================================

A letter addressed to Ambassador Muzaffar ad-Din ibn Isa al-Dimashqi, Minister Plenipotentiary from the Jerusalem Raj

"Keep it brief?" I cannot do such a thing. My sincerest apologies, my dear colleague. Diplomatic speech, although flowery, is rarely without purpose.


Yet I am sorry to inform you that His Highness the emperor, Badishah Muzaffar II, has passed away on December 15, 1344.


The new emperor, I must inform you, differs from his predecessor and the majority of the court on matters of belief; and a number of factions have already formed to counter his influence and initiatives. I understand this news may cause you considerable duress, especially given your isolated position and location near an implacable conflict. I must insist that you be patient and to keep the faith; the situation shall be resolved shortly.

=========================================

Nyandak, a scribe.
Well, yes, since you must know. I did see the emperor stumbling around at night.


I mean he might have been drinking since you put it that way. He might have been sleepwalking. I don't know! You'd have to ask someone else.


How's the baby? oh yes, she's doing well. Thank you. I can't let you anything else, cousin, I just work in the offices!

=========================================

Weh, an itinerant monk in tattered robes, begging a few miles from Potala Palace

drat ye! Let the gods strike ye dead!

Hark Sangpo Bumtri, hark! Roar, bid our father the Creator descent from the heights full foul in his fury! Black clouds teeming with thunder to scald thy mouth with pungent flame and sulpher, to choke ye, engorging your organs til’ ye turn black and scorched with fire and can scream no more -- only when he, crowned in hail with piercing claw and steaming beard take up his fell be-metalled arm, his infinite sword screeches banshee-like in the tempest and plunges right through yer gullet, bursting ye -- a bulging bladder no more, but a blasted bloody film now and nothing for the vultures and the souls of dead warriors to peck and claw and feed upon only to be lapped up and swallowed by the infinite fog of the Dread Empress herself -- forgotten to any man, to any time, forgotten to any god or devil, forgotten even to the mountains, for any stuff for part of ye, even any scantling of your soul is ye no more, but is now itself the dust!

=========================================

Esclarmonde, a teacher and mystic, to the Sacred Hierarch.

Your presence:

I am grateful to have received your letter. It is encouraging to know that your work in the southern provinces and your meetings with the vassal kings there proceeds without severe interruption.


The Emperor is in a more temperate mood; he has withdrawn slightly from his previous lifestyle and spent more time with his family.


He is often seen with his wife, and their relationship has grown much warmer.


In my position managing religious affairs for the court itself, I have seen the government managed effectively and without discord.


Now that I have been able to see exactly how the kingdom has been ruled, I have an elevated degree of respect for the emperor.


He retains that unvarnished confidence that attracts many people towards him.

I am, as ever, your obedient servant-
Esclarmonde, of Lhasa

=========================================

Ghaden, a healer:

Get an embalmer and a priest to the palace immediately.


The emperor's youngest daughter is dead. It was sudden. There was nothing that could be done.
========================================

Ivomai ben Leonhard, writing to Isaac ben Leonhard of Simaramapura
Brother:

You will be happy to know that our business with the court in Lhasa was concluded amicably. Not only was our meeting with the emperor concluded, he umabiguously sided with us on the trade dispute.


We will have to move quickly - those silks and teas won't sell themselves. And we'll need to get the ships ready for China and the southeast...


I will be late in returning, however. The guards are reporting sightings of women in white dresses and other unaccounted entities in the roads out of Lhasa. They are likely superstitious, but I will know well enough to avoid dangerous roads for any robbers or murderers.


Some other information for you: the Jerusalem Raj has descended into war some months ago. It's got to do with the Buddhists again. They never seem to leave well enough alone, don't they?

=========================================

From Purgyal Gungsten to his brother:

It is always good to hear from you. Thank you again for your letter. I will do my best to reply to your questions.

I will be ready to meet all next week, should you have any time available. While I have an estate to manage, I can easily rearrange my tasks to suit your preferences.


As for what you asked about your daughter, my suggestion would be to turn her education over to the Sacred Hierarchy. They have many specialists who will be best able to address her needs and strong personality.


You were also right to let the thief go. You were able to easily subdue him, as I found out from the guards, and he learned his lesson. He will not try to steal again; not least from you.


As for the question about China, we should wait and see - if their new empress would prefer to leave us alone, that should be enough for now while you plan to recover Arabia or head west from Persia.


Finally, what you said to me about Tsenma. Anything I say to you will not be enough to recovery from such a loss; but I will pray to the gods to calm your grief, which I know will remain but recede in time, as the tides of the ocean move away from a beach. All that remains is the memory of that who you loved and lost, and any pride a father would have such an upstanding daughter.

Your affectionate brother
-Gungtsen

Kangxi fucked around with this message at 04:01 on Dec 12, 2019

Mirdini
Jan 14, 2012

It Begins

Kangxi
Nov 12, 2016

"Too paranoid for you?"
"Not me, paranoia's the garlic in life's kitchen, right, you can never have too much."
Excuse the short update, I'll be doing another state of the world update for 1350 and everybody loves seeing how the world drifts further and further away from anything we recognize

I will point out any cannibals again if I find them

Rody One Half
Feb 18, 2011

I just learned prostration pilgrimages are a thing and am terribly disappointed Tibetan characters can't go on them like Muslims can the Hajj.

Really pilgrimages should be more of a thing for all religious groups.

Kangxi
Nov 12, 2016

"Too paranoid for you?"
"Not me, paranoia's the garlic in life's kitchen, right, you can never have too much."

Rody One Half posted:

I just learned prostration pilgrimages are a thing and am terribly disappointed Tibetan characters can't go on them like Muslims can the Hajj.

Really pilgrimages should be more of a thing for all religious groups.

As it turns out, there is a mod for the Bön religion that adds pilgrimages and tweaks names and holy sites. I only found out about it after I'd started the LP, or else I would have used it.

https://steamcommunity.com/sharedfiles/filedetails/?id=1611667286

If I could do the LP over again this would be the biggest change, probably.

Kangxi fucked around with this message at 14:05 on Dec 2, 2019

Danny Glands
Jan 26, 2013

Possible thermal failure (CPU on fire?)
When did we get Stephen King in this?

habeasdorkus
Nov 3, 2013

Royalty is a continuous shitposting motion.
Oh hell yes, I love this event chain.

SirPhoebos
Dec 10, 2007

WELL THAT JUST HAPPENED!

Never got it myself, but I've seen it happen to the AI.

Kangxi
Nov 12, 2016

"Too paranoid for you?"
"Not me, paranoia's the garlic in life's kitchen, right, you can never have too much."
STATE OF THE WORLD - 1350

jiakong-lishi.com - the Alternative History Forums

Alternate History Discussion: Before 1800 -> A World Out of Balance: The Revival of the Byzantine Empire

ImperatorAkhutai1090 posted:

Hey guys! I'm glad to see the site is back up. Everything looks great!

I'm going to reboot an older project of mine that never really got anywhere, but I've done a little more research and I think I can make this work.

GeneralLi posted:

Glad to have you back! I really liked your timeline where the Norse Kingdom of Greece never fell, and you made some great posts in the Khazar Khanate thread. I'm still reading Shi Naihan's book on the Khazar legal codes. I'm excited to see what you've got here!

TemOoLoon posted:

Ground floor! This part of the world is criminally understudied.

ImperatorAkhutai1090 posted:


Somewhere near the Pripyat River, 1350

How could it have come to this?



The Basileus Nakhu stepped out of his felt tent after his morning prayers, to survey what was left of his army and his empire. This has all he had ever known; it was the madness of his great-grandmother that to the reduction of his family's fortunes; a life far away from Constantinople was his lot in life. What remained were a few loyal tribes and cities near these rivers, a few counts in the Carpathian Basin, the governors of Rascia and Vidin still swore loyalty to him though they would be harder to reach. A few days before, a black-robed priest had instructed him to read a specific sutra, and he turned the words over in his mind: "By the waters of Babylon, we wept, yea, we wept when we remembered Zion." The Dniester and the Pripyat rivers would be his Euphrates and his Tigris. Then again, with how few people remained in the church...



He thought about the Anatolians; how even though they had lost the title to the Caliphate in a series of dynastic power struggles, they were still powerful enough to wrest the queen of cities from the Empire's grasp. They would have to be defeated, yes, but in time. In all due time. They were not yet ready to do that.


It would be better to try and reclaim those petty lords which had broken away from him; to recover what he had.

From there, then what?



Then the steppes, most likely. The other lords of the felt tent were weak and divided, and with planning and a bit of luck, it would be possible for them to turn their grievances against each other. The most difficult would be the unconquerable Khazars; they had defended themselves against Mongolian horse lords and the mighty armies of the Rus. Perhaps it would be better for them to ally...



The rest of his neighbors, barring some catastrophe or civil war, would be too much for him to conquer at once. The Kingdom of Vladimir was large and prosperous, and more likely to aid the Anatolians ever since the conversion of King Koz'ma to Islam some decades previously. His grandson, King Feodor, seemed to have kept the faith, aided by his loyal Chief Yemelyn of Kladanj.



To his north were the English, who had seized control of the Kingdom of Lithuania after a series of advantageous marriages and the collapse of the Oravic Dynasty. England, like many kingdoms of the north, was ruled by fearsome raiders, and any armies beaten there would be reinforced in months by more fanatical warriors.



The old empire of the north was rotting from the inside after years of weak rulers and civil wars, but their successor states and raiding outposts were more than enough to give the Basileus due concern.


What also troubled him was the separate kingdom of the Norse, along the Baltic coast and hugging the Vistula and Oder rivers. The Basileus hoped that his remaining territory would not be raided by them, but instead that they might turn their attention to whatever was left...


of Germany, attacked by four separate raiding armies,


or to the Carantanians. That was personal. They had abandoned the authority of the church entirely, and that was reason enough to undo them all. Queen Branka had converted to Orthodoxy years ago, yes, and saved so many souls, but her sons had betrayed her and condemned them all to anarchy and eternal damnation.


He shuddered as he thought of Europe west of the Rhine. A land so rent by war it was unrecognizable.


Where the Archbishop of Rome still clung to his pretensions of grandeur even as he committed the most unspeakable sins and distorted the truth of the faith.


Where so many kingdoms had fallen to the valkyries of the north.


The while peninsula to his west was a land of violence beyond any knowing or comprehension, a land cold, relentless, implacable.



The Basileus had heard rumors of some bastions of civilization in Hispania, sheltered behind the Pyrenees mountains, but that too was in upheaval from dynastic conflicts. Ancient families fighting over what was theirs.

He let his thoughts wander, to more distant places, of which he had never seen and only seldom met anyone from, but he had dreamed of their wealth and placidity.



He thought of the Holy Land, now held by the invaders from the east yet torn apart in some other dispute he did not yet understand.



He thought of Egypt, where the chosen people were once led out of exile and now another band had settled in to escape their exile.



He thought of the rich empires of the south, so wealthy in natural bounty they might as well be Eden.


Of the Arabian peninsula to the south, of which he knew only the wildest rumors.


Then the great and mighty empires of the far east, which to him looked indestructible.


Of the fabled city of Lhasa, itself probably carved into mountains.


Of the other Mongols, his people, and the shame that they had clung to those other gods.




And then to distant China, unknowable, vast, immaterial. Centuries ago, the traders of China had gone to Rome and saw it as an equal. Someday, someday, he thought, that might happen again.

i81icu812
Dec 5, 2006
How many cannibal popes have there been now

Obliterati
Nov 13, 2012

Pain is inevitable.
Suffering is optional.
Thunderdome is forever.
Almost every ruler in the above post :psyduck:

I have no idea how things ended up like this and it is glorious

Kangxi
Nov 12, 2016

"Too paranoid for you?"
"Not me, paranoia's the garlic in life's kitchen, right, you can never have too much."

i81icu812 posted:

How many cannibal popes have there been now

With the trait? Five. Those are the ones who haven't been exposed, at least.

Obliterati posted:

I have no idea how things ended up like this and it is glorious

If you want more backstories or screenshots of anybody I missed, I'll be happy to show them off.

Kangxi fucked around with this message at 03:54 on Dec 4, 2019

Rody One Half
Feb 18, 2011

Norway please claim the Empire and the Fylkirate, this looks atrocious.

E: if this situation lasts to EU4 they should get a decision or something, that's a cartography abomination

Viola the Mad
Feb 13, 2010

Kangxi posted:

With the trait? Five. Those are the ones who haven't been exposed, at least.

At this point I'm assuming that every pope is a cannibal, whether they have the trait or not.

Rubix Squid
Apr 17, 2014
To become the pope you must consume the previous pope.

jalapeno_dude
Apr 10, 2015

Viola the Mad posted:

At this point I'm assuming that every pope is a cannibal, whether they have the trait or not.

some Christianity Today article, quoted in https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Marburg_Colloquy posted:

Luther claimed that the body of Christ was not eaten in a gross, material way but rather in some mysterious way, which is beyond human understanding. Yet, Zwingli replied, if the words were taken in their literal sense, the body had to be eaten in the most grossly material way. “For this is the meaning they carry: this bread is that body of mine which is given for you. It was given for us in grossly material form, subject to wounds, blows and death. As such, therefore, it must be the material of the supper.” Indeed, to press the literal meaning of the text even farther, it follows that Christ would have again to suffer pain, as his body was broken again—this time by the teeth of communicants. Even more absurdly, Christ’s body would have to be swallowed, digested, even eliminated through the bowels! Such thoughts were repulsive to Zwingli. They smacked of cannibalism on the one hand and of the pagan mystery religions on the other.

Tulip
Jun 3, 2008

yeah thats pretty good


One of the classic problems Christian missionaries have had abroad is people, pretty accurately, understanding communion as cannibalism.

Rody One Half posted:

Norway please claim the Empire and the Fylkirate, this looks atrocious.

E: if this situation lasts to EU4 they should get a decision or something, that's a cartography abomination

they should get a decision to abolish maps

RagnarokZ
May 14, 2004

Emperor of the Internet
There's going to be a TV series starting Jeremy Irons about the Cannibal Papacy!

Kangxi
Nov 12, 2016

"Too paranoid for you?"
"Not me, paranoia's the garlic in life's kitchen, right, you can never have too much."
I have an update but not the one that I think you all were expecting.

ByzLP, also known as Blood in the Bosporus, will be back, probably before the end of the month.

Robindaybird
Aug 21, 2007

Neat. Sweet. Petite.

RagnarokZ posted:

There's going to be a TV series starting Jeremy Irons about the Cannibal Papacy!

I don't know if that's a good casting choice, you know he's going to be chewing the scenery.

SirPhoebos
Dec 10, 2007

WELL THAT JUST HAPPENED!

I have yet to read ByzLP, but I'm hoping Dapper Ming makes a good showing.

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Technowolf
Nov 4, 2009




Kangxi posted:

I have an update but not the one that I think you all were expecting.

ByzLP, also known as Blood in the Bosporus, will be back, probably before the end of the month.



Good to see this coming back!

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