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I work in child care. The other day I had this kid and he was the only one around so we were just kinda playing with leggos and I start smelling this awfulness so I say "hey buddy do you need to go to the bathroom" and he goes "no I just tooted quiet" which is how I refer to all my silent farts now
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Oct 23, 2019 05:06
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I think I posted the story earlier in the thread but I had to use a portable O2 concentration/gas/explosives sensor at work and found that a fart right to the intake will set it off.
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Oct 23, 2019 05:23
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My mom got sober when I was pretty young so I ended up going to a lot of AA meetings with her when I was around 10yrs old. I remember I was taking a piss after one meeting and ripped a loud fart and apologized to the others using the men's room. One guy also using a urinal told me not to apologize, that if I couldn't rip a fart in a restroom, then where else could I? Thanks random recovering alcoholic man, you changed my life for the better. I hope you're happy and still sober 
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Oct 23, 2019 05:49
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One time when I was teaching second graders in Korea, one tiny little girl let loose the biggest, loudest, wettest-sounding fart in human history. I think she levitated. Naturally, the kids all recoiled and started screaming until my favorite student jumped up and pointed at fart Girl while screaming, "TEACHER!!!! SHE DID POLLUTION!!!!!" then I started laughing so hard I had to sit on the floor. Once he explained what he said to the other kids, they all broke up, too. Except Fart Girl. She cried.
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Oct 23, 2019 11:00
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Screaming Idiot posted:and that fart was albert einstein Speaking of Albert Einstein, I detonated what could be described as the Tsar Bomba of poots last week. I had made a chickpea, bell pepper and cauliflower curry over the weekend, and as a result had a big batch of leftovers that I took to work. Every day after lunch, I have a Fiber One bar. It's part of my routine. I was halfway through the Fiber One bar that day when I stopped and realized what I had done and what I was undoubtably in for. By the time the day was drawing to a close, I was outright uncomfortable, literally squirming in my last meeting After it was done, I waddled to the bathroom and was relieved (heh) to see that there was nobody in there. I headed to a stall - the noise was deafening and lasted at least 5 seconds, if not more. The bowl and stall acted as a natural amplifier. After giggling uncontrollably, I left. In a way, I'm glad I was alone because if that would have happened, say, at the urinal next to a business partner. Imagine standing there and someone next to you letting out the loudest butt-trumpet fart you've ever heard.
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Oct 23, 2019 11:45
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Planet X posted:Imagine standing there and someone next to you letting out the loudest butt-trumpet fart you've ever heard. Okay, I’ve attained nirvana, now what?
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Oct 25, 2019 22:17
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I love that I can just blast one out while standing at the urinal at work and seeing people try not to laugh.
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Oct 25, 2019 23:44
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Folks, let me tell you the absolute joy of dropping the dirtiest farts going up the longest escalator on the London underground, then turning round at the top to see the pained and gasping faces behind you
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Oct 26, 2019 09:48
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Stefan Prodan posted:One time in 9th grade I ripped a fart so loud in class that no one thought it was even a fart until I started laughing because I just couldn't help it, then the other kids in my class started laughing too, and the teacher had to just let us laugh for awhile because I mean what can you do Your farting backpack sounds impressive. I see why you chose that one.
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Oct 27, 2019 14:58
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Amphigory posted:Folks, let me tell you the absolute joy of dropping the dirtiest farts going up the longest escalator on the London underground, then turning round at the top to see the pained and gasping faces behind you The escalators at Parliament station, Melbourne, once the longest and steepest escalators in the Southern Hemisphere, offer a similar experience to the accomplished farter.
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Nov 6, 2019 11:48
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BigBadSteve posted:Your farting backpack sounds impressive. I see why you chose that one. That's a Lift Off episode I missed.
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Nov 6, 2019 13:01
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I just ripped one of the longest, loudest farts of my life. How loud? When it was done I heard someone in the office upstairs yell “WHAT THE gently caress?”
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Nov 21, 2019 04:04
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Ugly In The Morning posted:I just ripped one of the longest, loudest farts of my life. How loud? When it was done I heard someone in the office upstairs yell “WHAT THE gently caress?” Multistory farts are the best. Press your rear end in a top hat right up again the wall and you can probably hit the top floor of a three story building.
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Nov 21, 2019 04:37
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LOUD CRACKING FARTS
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Nov 21, 2019 12:49
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I tried the shower fart thing mentioned in this thread and it didn't work at all.
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Nov 21, 2019 14:17
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VanSandman posted:I tried the shower fart thing mentioned in this thread and it didn't work at all. Punk rear end Hank Hill butt having mother fucker. 
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Nov 21, 2019 16:43
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VanSandman posted:I tried the shower fart thing mentioned in this thread and it didn't work at all. we're going to need specs of your bathroom asap
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Nov 21, 2019 17:49
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Bonzo posted:we're going to need specs of your bathroom asap And rear end.
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Nov 21, 2019 20:16
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Bonzo posted:we're going to need specs of your bathroom asap Yes, has it been engineered for feeee mayles.
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Nov 21, 2019 22:38
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Fleta Mcgurn posted:Yes, has it been engineered for feeee mayles. lol I remember that guy Do you think he made a disgusted face every time a lady ripped rear end
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Nov 22, 2019 00:27
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Skypie posted:lol I remember that guy Because the awesome  of his bathroom punched you in the pussy with aesthetics? Man, I am ENGORGED.
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Nov 22, 2019 00:28
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Skypie posted:lol I remember that guy He would never sully himself with such low-rent pantymackerel. He was a class dude who made class decisions. That much class must mean no stanky lady rear end, right? *gurlfart* omg sorry I got glitter everywhere TEE HEE E: oh god sorry for double reply, I was thinking about stickers and tamponz
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Nov 22, 2019 00:30
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What do you mean I can’t cut off the top of my engineered floor joists?
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Nov 22, 2019 12:34
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On a flight back from Scotland to Florida, I kept dropping SBD bombs for drat near the entire 8 hours and change. The attendants kept spraying air freshener, but the death-like odors that kept drifting from my moist assmeat easily defeated it.
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Nov 24, 2019 13:38
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Randaconda posted:On a flight back from Scotland to Florida, I kept dropping SBD bombs for drat near the entire 8 hours and change. The attendants kept spraying air freshener, but the death-like odors that kept drifting from my moist assmeat easily defeated it. Thread's come full circle. A plane being forced to land because a passenger wouldn't/couldn't stop ripping rear end what what led me to make this thread.
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Nov 24, 2019 13:59
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LadyPictureShow posted:Thread's come full circle. A plane being forced to land because a passenger wouldn't/couldn't stop ripping rear end what what led me to make this thread. do you have a link to the thread for that?
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Nov 24, 2019 14:10
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Randaconda posted:On a flight back from Scotland to Florida, I kept dropping SBD bombs for drat near the entire 8 hours and change. The attendants kept spraying air freshener, but the death-like odors that kept drifting from my moist assmeat easily defeated it. You're going to bust a loud one eventually and then be executed for terrorism
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Nov 24, 2019 16:36
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Randaconda posted:do you have a link to the thread for that? https://forums.somethingawful.com/showthread.php?threadid=3849712
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Nov 24, 2019 18:34
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LadyPictureShow posted:Thread's come full circle. A plane being forced to land because a passenger wouldn't/couldn't stop ripping rear end what what led me to make this thread. Forcing a plane to land is nothing. I know somebody who was on a flight out of India and experienced digestive ramifications for their travel decisions. Once their gut started emanating the scent of bad curry, the smell caused other passengers to throw up, which produced a worse smell, which caused more vomit. By the time the flight landed, the floor of the plane was coated in sick, and there were many traumatized passengers.
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Nov 24, 2019 19:26
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BurntCornMuffin posted:Forcing a plane to land is nothing. I know somebody who was on a flight out of India and experienced digestive ramifications for their travel decisions. Once their gut started emanating the scent of bad curry, the smell caused other passengers to throw up, which produced a worse smell, which caused more vomit. By the time the flight landed, the floor of the plane was coated in sick, and there were many traumatized passengers. 
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Nov 25, 2019 21:37
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Y'all, Mr Rogers used to blast rear end at boring parties https://pagesix.com/2019/11/26/even-mister-rogers-thought-farts-were-funny/
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Nov 27, 2019 17:53
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Want that new Mister Rogers movie just to be him laying down sick farts on people for two hours.
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Nov 28, 2019 00:07
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E: wrong thread. Never trust a
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Nov 28, 2019 01:39
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Bloodfart McCoy posted:Want that new Mister Rogers movie just to be him laying down sick farts on people for two hours. Ol Fred crop dusted us again no wonder he changes clothes before the show.
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Nov 28, 2019 03:23
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https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NmcXbEgac9o
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Nov 28, 2019 03:28
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Won't you queef my neighbor
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Nov 28, 2019 09:22
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Fleta Mcgurn posted:Won't you queef my neighbor 
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Nov 28, 2019 12:24
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Fleta Mcgurn posted:Won't you queef my neighbor 
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Nov 28, 2019 13:08
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I just burped, farted, and exhaled a bongrip at the same time. It felt like I was deflating. Then I laughed, tried to fart again, and almost poo poo my pants. edit: Someone just linked this hilarious story in one of the discords I'm in: https://imgur.com/gallery/9cIr5Lg wolrah fucked around with this message at 19:44 on Dec 10, 2019 |
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Dec 10, 2019 18:57
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Been living with a vegan all week. I know from 20 years of experience that being vegetarian or vegan triggers my IBS and turns me into a fart hot air balloon. Last night, I farted so long, loud, and forcefully that I had to make a fart vent out of the blankets that would funnel the smell towards our feet. (My partner may or may not have been feigning sleep; I have no idea how he would have slept through my fartquake.) My plan didn't work because the kitten would exact bitey revenge every time she was hit with a new wave of stank. Then I farted myself awake more than a few times! I'm tired today.
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Dec 23, 2019 10:02
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