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google THIS posted:A race of elves from the land of Gou'Fa Qyors who can't understand why every attempt they make to introduce themselves to another race results in war. Lol
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Jan 25, 2020 22:12
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deep dish peat moss posted:DiGiornolism brand frozen newspapers, just take home and bake and you can read the news |
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Jan 26, 2020 10:40
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When I was just a little hungry, I asked the waitress "what could I eat? Nothing too heavy, something that's quick" Here's what she said to me Que sa dilla, sa dilla Melted cheese in a tortilla During happy hour you can get them for free-a Que sa dilla, sa dilla. |
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Jan 26, 2020 11:36
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google THIS posted:A race of elves from the land of Gou'Fa Qyors who can't understand why every attempt they make to introduce themselves to another race results in war.   A tv show that teaches men household appliance repair skills and feelings stuff. Like he gets in a fight with his wife and he goes out to the garage and starts working on the broken dishwasher and it talks him through some stuff. |
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Jan 26, 2020 22:49
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google THIS posted:A race of elves from the land of Gou'Fa Qyors who can't understand why every attempt they make to introduce themselves to another race results in war.
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Jan 27, 2020 01:00
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google THIS posted:A race of elves from the land of Gou'Fa Qyors who can't understand why every attempt they make to introduce themselves to another race results in war. |
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Jan 27, 2020 18:37
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the problem with that joke is that it's perfect. i wanted to build on it, wrote out a few posts about the silence and the founding of the fourth channel of hate but... not as funny.
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Jan 27, 2020 18:51
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Jokes that are so good you literally cannot possibly be bothered to develop a thread for
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Jan 27, 2020 21:51
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The perfect joke too good for a thread |
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Jan 27, 2020 22:13
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It reminds me of an Adams joke and I don't think there's greater praise I could ever give |
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Jan 27, 2020 23:32
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Thanks everyone! |
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Jan 28, 2020 03:41
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Ehrgeiz 2: God Bless The Webinar |
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Jan 28, 2020 22:32
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Ecks vs Sever 2: Presidential Debate
crimes |
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Jan 28, 2020 22:55
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itt we're the people who lived in the white house from Zork returning from our weekend away |
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Jan 29, 2020 00:38
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"This bologna isn't just any bologna. It has a name. The name of this bologna is Oscar-" Wait, the meat is named Oscar? "EXCUSE ME! I wasn't finished. The bologna has a last name as well. Its full name is Oscar Meyer!" Ok... gonna be honest... this meat's mysterious composition combined with it having a full human name has us more than a little bit concerned.
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Jan 29, 2020 17:56
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paul rudd goes to fuddruckers and I don't have a punchline yet |
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Jan 29, 2020 20:07
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he parsed the sign as ruddfuckers and is disappointed to find mediocre bar food instead of organized, motivated, and horny fans
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Jan 29, 2020 20:19
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Pastry of the Year posted:itt we're the people who lived in the white house from Zork returning from our weekend away i like this idea but don't have enough familiarity with zork. i do remember enough to make this joke "honey... you did... you left a light on while we were gone, right?" "of course dear"
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Jan 29, 2020 20:26
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Pastry of the Year posted:itt we're the people who lived in the white house from Zork returning from our weekend away if you think that maze of twisty passages is difficult now, imagine how hard it is for someone drunkenly getting up to pee in the middle of the night. "was it left left right or left left... ah to hell with it" *urinates on maze wall*
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Jan 29, 2020 20:37
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working from home and pretending my cat is my boss. tabbing out of byob quickly, Oh hi Mr. Whiskers, I was just doing a little market research. Excuse me Mr. Whiskers but I can't work if you sit on my keyboard like that. |
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Jan 29, 2020 21:01
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City of Glompton posted:working from home and pretending my cat is my boss. "pretending my cat is my boss." Shouldn't the punch line be at the end of the joke? |
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Jan 29, 2020 21:28
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yes yes it should |
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Jan 29, 2020 22:00
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Cubone posted:paul rudd goes to fuddruckers and I don't have a punchline yet owlhawk911 posted:he parsed the sign as ruddfuckers and is disappointed to find mediocre bar food instead of organized, motivated, and horny fans Go team! 
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Jan 29, 2020 22:52
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One of those useless machine things, but when you press it a big floppy dick pops out and gets fake jizz on your hands. |
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Jan 30, 2020 03:44
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Bonaventure posted:COMEDIAN IN DEATH STRANDING UNIVERSE: stand-up comedy sets in apocalyptic worlds
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Jan 30, 2020 03:45
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Yinlock posted:stand-up comedy sets in apocalyptic worlds now listen, i love the allmother as much as all her children mothermothermothermother but she needs to recognize i'm a 3rd pseudomorph warrior caste, i'm gonna use my teeth! MOTHERMOTHERMOTHERMOTHERMOTHERMOTHER
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Jan 30, 2020 03:57
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OSHA Signs "Hey, babe, what's your sign?" "Danger: Do not play on or around" |
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Jan 30, 2020 04:09
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Heather Papps posted:now listen, i love the allmother as much as all her children
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Jan 30, 2020 04:11
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and hey what's the deal with that dread cosmic wave that ends all life, it could've sent us a postcard instead *pulling my collar exaggeratedly as my atoms are dissolved by elder god energies* hey wow tough crowd
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Jan 30, 2020 04:15
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Yinlock posted:and hey what's the deal with that dread cosmic wave that ends all life, it could've sent us a postcard instead you.... try... standddd uppppp someti some sometim...es..... from the back, the sound of a thousand piping flutes and a chorus of toads goo oo oooooddd p p p ppppoiiiinnttttt
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Jan 30, 2020 04:22
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Everyone's always asks, what is the deal with walkers and brains? Well I mean, have you met one lately? Have you tried to carry on a conversation with one? Is it really that big of a mystery? Thank you, thank you, you're too kind. Ok, thank you, there's no need to leave your seats. Uh, you're looking pale, sir. |
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Jan 30, 2020 04:52
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Yinlock posted:and hey what's the deal with that dread cosmic wave that ends all life, it could've sent us a postcard instead Got the thread in juuuuuuust under the wire
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Jan 30, 2020 04:56
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*in youtube video essay presenter voice* Weezer's 1994 debut album, otherwise known as the "blue album" for its blue background, is widely regarded a touchstone recording for the 90's rock/indie/power pop scene, with it's anthemic odes to teen angst and catchy, hook-driven guitar work. But what most people don't know is that there is a DARK SECRET hidden on this album *background music turns ominous*. Let's run down some of the choruses on my relate-o-meter to see if we can spot what's wrong here: Track #1, "My name is Jonas": Relate-o-meter rating 10/10. Very relatable, especially if you happen to be named Jonas. Track #2, "No one else": Relate-o-meter rating 9/10. This is a pretty relatable song, especially if you're in your first "serious" relationship. It really can feel like there's "no one else" who really understands you. Track #3, "The World Has Turned and Left Me Here: Now, this is where things get a little weird. On the surface, this is a 10/10 relate-o-meter song. It often can feel like there is a void in your soul after a relationship breaks up, but take a closer look at the lyrics for the chorus: The world has turned and left me here/just where I was before you appeared/and in its place an empty space/has filled the void behind my face. If you've spotted the problem, congratulations! If not though, I'll break it down for you. "An empty space" has "filled the void" "behind my face". Here is the problem: How can a "void" be "filled" by "space" that is "empty"? It can't right? At least not according to the physics of our world. After all, how can space that is empty fill a void, which is also empty? Here's that DARK SECRET I was talking about earlier *background music turns ominous again as the camera slowly zooms in on a shot of the album cover* Weezer are in fact a group of eldritch abominations from beyond space and time, agents of Nyarlathotep, the crawling chaos which consumes us all. *Every member of the band is now wearing poorly-photoshopped mindflayer heads and the album title appears in "spooky" font* Next time: Why "uptown funk" was important to my deployment in Afghanistan. Don't forget to *unspeakable noises* that subscribe button!
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Jan 30, 2020 17:54
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abstract salads |
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Jan 30, 2020 19:00
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3096AD - a church Priest: "and now, brothers and sisters, please join together in the sharing of the holy dick pic. May the dick be with you..." *notification bleeps sound throughout the congregation* Congration: "and also with you" *the priest's device bleeps* Priest - his voice rising into a liturgical chant: "for this is His Dick, which was shared with you, and with many. And through this dick lies the path to everlasting booty calls." ... "a reading from the Snapchat of Saint FooSoHung69 to QueenofD..." "...Hey U up?" "yo who dis" "cuz I'm up for whatever, know what I mean?" "drat u nasty!!🍆🍆🍆" Priest and congregation, murmured - "Amen." |
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Jan 31, 2020 00:40
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Title: Click here to agree to the terms and conditions of this thread. |
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Jan 31, 2020 00:55
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famous shitposts throughout history
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Jan 31, 2020 02:21
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Yinlock posted:famous shitposts throughout history the gently caress? the Spartans didn't even respond they just emptyquoted one word, "if"
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Jan 31, 2020 02:56
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Heather Papps posted:the gently caress? the Spartans didn't even respond they just emptyquoted one word, "if" this is making me laugh a lot a lot a lot, i had to pause the teevee show my spouse and i were watching to laugh more
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Jan 31, 2020 03:29
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| # ? May 24, 2024 14:40 |
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Heather Papps posted:the gently caress? the Spartans didn't even respond they just emptyquoted one word, "if"
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Jan 31, 2020 10:10
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