cool dance moves posted:

People ing about chintzy Confederate statues getting torn down

cool dance moves posted:

People ing about chintzy Confederate statues getting torn down

cool dance moves posted:

People ing about chintzy Confederate statues getting torn down

MikeCrotch posted:

Tony Blair cucked Rupert Murdoch and Fidel Castro is Justin Trudeau's dad

Echo Chamber posted:

36 SNL alumni coming to the heroic defense of Al Franken when he got metooed

Finicums Wake posted:

Sean Spicer Chews and Swallows 35 Pieces of Gum Every Day Before Noon

Finicums Wake posted:

Sean Spicer Chews and Swallows 35 Pieces of Gum Every Day Before Noon

Tulip posted:

TB to 22 hours ago when somebody thought the nearly foolproof system of "how many people are standing next to a sign" needed to be improved by a freemium app.

Dr. Kyle Farnsworth posted:

The bus arrives on time. Somehow, it looks smug. It usually does.

Dr. Kyle Farnsworth posted:

Buddy of mine posted this and thinking about Bernie Sanders laughing at you as you see your new Medicare for All card cracks me up:

The year is 2022, two years into the regime of President Sanders.

You wake from a troubled sleep to a pounding at your door. Upon staggering over and open it, you're confronted by the cast of Chapo Trap House. One of them points to your living room and hoots "Nationalized." They pile in, accompanied by a legion of fans, all eerily pale man with ominously scraggy beards. A bong appears from somewhere and they immediately start talking about a Communist book that came out in the 1800s.

It looks like you're the Main Character on Twitter today.

You decide to get out as soon as possible, but then remember under the terms of the Green New Deal, personal showering has been replaced by five minutes of looking at a picture of Greta Thunberg frowning. You don't have it in you today, so you pull on some clothes and push through the "studio," that used to be your living room, where they are earnestly reading an ad for yet another meal delivery service to a rapt audience of strangely skinny men.

The streets are quiet nowadays. They have been ever since private transportation was banned. You grumble your way to the bus stop. Public transportation is now free, reliable, and unburned by partol cops waiting to bust people. You hate it. Around you, people gather, bringing their kids to day care, none of it means-tested, or their guaranteed government jobs, which don't even HAVE shareholders to benefit.

The bus arrives on time. Somehow, it looks smug. It usually does.

You board and sit down next to a young woman talking excitedly on her Berniephone. It seems she's joining a union. You sneer to yourself about the workplace protections she has now. But what about her management? What about her right to work? All these things have been forgotten.

At the next stop, several students on their way to their now-free university get on, eagerly discussing the not-STEM coursework they're doing. There was a time not too long ago when they would've had backbreaking student loans for taking such an unmarketable degree. And if they complained, they would've been told to "learn to code." Maybe they should have.

The bus rolls on, past the statue of dril going up in the town square, where the boards that once showed the stock markets now show the best dunks online. They just started supporting animated gifs.

"Hello, COMRADE," says an antifa, catching your attention. "Haven't seen you on Twitter lately!"

God. Twitter. Use is now mandatory, but the Bernard Brethren patrol it with religious zeal, and anyone making bad posts is sent to the gulag where they have to read theory and learn basic shitposting. You can't imagine why anyone would be mean or sarcastic online, but decorum has been forgotten under the reign of Zinger-in-Chief Oscaio-Cortez.

"Oh, uh," you stammer, fumbling with your phone.

"Scared of the Bernard Brethren?" They taunt you. "They only want to earnestly debate you."

You feel your anger flare but keep it under control. Getting mad offline is almost as bad a criminal offense as getting mad online.

"I deleted," you venture.

"You...logged off?" The antifa says, clearly impressed. "Few have the strength."

Strength. That's what you have. All you wanted was capitalism with some tinkering around the edges. But the centrists couldn't get their act together. Even Dread Abuela's late entrance into the race couldn't help.

Fortunately, the bus stops and you scurry off before antifa can ask you more questions.

Your job is one of the few private jobs remaining, but it does you no good. You have secure, steady employment at a reliable wage, with workplace protections ensuring you can never be fired without cause. You hate it. But you grit your teeth into a smile as you pass your coworkers.

It's not you that you feel bad for. It's the shareholders. No one thought of the shareholders.

"Oh, hey," your union rep says as you go straight to the coffee. "You're not coming to the meetings as much. Is something wrong?"

God, unions. You have an organized workplace now. You can't imagine living like this forever, knowing your job will be there tomorrow. You steel yourself. The shareholders. The party donors. The party establishment. They'd want you to carry on.

"Oh, it's just, I..."

"We're renegotiating benefits," your rep says seriously. "I'd love to get your input. We want to make sure everyone's needs are accounted for."

Needs? What about the needs to make a profit? What about the needs of the landlords? Why doesn't anyone think of the landlords? Instead you seized their property and now people can just live wherever they want.

Oh, god, you're saying it out loud. Bellowing, more like. Your rep looks terrified, but the momentum is going. You didn't want socialism. You didn't want guaranteed medicine. What you wanted, what everyone sensible wanted, was technocratic tinkering around the edges, triangulation, adult, reasonable compromise that takes both sides into account...

You feel the needle and the sedatives kick in as workplace mental health arrives on the scene.

"Like on the West Wing..." you slur as you sink to the floor.

It's nice to sleep without dreaming of podcasters and their loyal mobs for once.

You wake up in the hospital. Monitors beeping. A doctor looking at your chart.

"You're awake," he says, the voice somehow familiar. "Looks like you just got a little too excited. Better be careful. You could have a heart attack."

"My...my co-pay," you say blearily. "I still have...Blue Cross..."

You start to fumble for your wallet.

"There's no need for that," the doctor says, pulling his mask down.

It's Bernie Sanders.

"We finally got you, you son of a bitch," Bernie says with a big grin.

You look down and see it in your right hand.

A Medicare benefits card.

You scream.

Filthy Hans posted:

The male cast of Arrested Development, on camera, mansplaining Hollywood sexual politics to Jessica Walter after she went public about Jeffrey Tambor's serial emotional abuse

paul_soccer12 posted:

StashAugustine posted:

Tambor was in Death of Stalin when that came out and they edited him out of the posters lmao

Krazyface posted:

haven't thought about Herman Cain in a couple weeks

GalacticAcid posted:

Eleanor Pwnsevelt posted:

Scott Stapp from the band Creed in 2014

https://www.cbsnews.com/news/scott-stapp-threatened-to-assassinate-obama-family-claims-in-911-call/