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The Something Awful Forums > Archives > Comedy Goldmine > The Goodmine > Where It All Began - Let's Read the Twilight Series
«‹›41 »
 
Up Circle
Apr 3, 2008
 finally, the books are getting horny. 250,000 words in.

* # ? Feb 1, 2020 00:59
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# ? May 24, 2024 15:18
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chitoryu12
Apr 24, 2014

* # ? Feb 1, 2020 15:44
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chitoryu12
Apr 24, 2014

* # ? Feb 2, 2020 18:50
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chitoryu12
Apr 24, 2014

quote:

His icy arms tightened around me, and his lips were at my ear; his cool breath made me shiver. “This is unbearable. So many things I’ve wanted to give you—and this is what you decide to demand. Do you have any idea how painful it is, trying to refuse you when you plead with me this way?”

“Then don’t refuse,” I suggested breathlessly.

He didn’t respond.

“Please,” I tried again.

“Bella…” He shook his head slowly, but it didn’t feel like a denial as his face, his lips, moved back and forth across my throat. It felt more like surrender. My heart, racing already, spluttered frantically.

Again, I took what advantage I could. When his face turned toward mine with the slow movement of his indecision, I twisted quickly in his arms till my lips reached his. His hands seized my face, and I thought he was going to push me away again.

I was wrong.

His mouth was not gentle; there was a brand-new edge of conflict and desperation in the way his lips moved. I locked my arms around his neck, and, to my suddenly overheated skin, his body felt colder than ever. I trembled, but it was not from the chill.

Am I the only one who's completely incapable of finding this erotic at all? It feels uncomfortable, like I'm seeing two kids experimenting. Have either of them even kissed before their relationship?

quote:

He didn’t stop kissing me. I was the one who had to break away, gasping for air. Even then his lips did not leave my skin, they just moved to my throat. The thrill of victory was a strange high; it made me feel powerful. Brave. My hands weren’t unsteady now; I got through with the buttons on his shirt this time easily, and my fingers traced the perfect planes of his icy chest. He was too beautiful. What was the word he’d used just now? Unbearable—that was it. His beauty was too much to bear.…

I pulled his mouth back to mine, and he seemed just as eager as I was. One of his hands still cupped my face, his other arm was tight around my waist, straining me closer to him. It made it slightly more difficult as I tried to reach the front of my shirt, but not impossible.

Cold iron fetters locked around my wrists, and pulled my hands above my head, which was suddenly on a pillow.

His lips were at my ear again. “Bella,” he murmured, his voice warm and velvet. “Would you please stop trying to take your clothes off?”

“Do you want to do that part?” I asked, confused.

I'm not drinking enough for this shameful display.

quote:

“Not tonight,” he answered softly. His lips were slower now against my cheek and jaw, all the urgency gone.

“Edward, don’t—,” I started to argue.

“I’m not saying no,” he reassured me. “I’m just saying not tonight.”

I thought about that while my breathing slowed.

“Give me one good reason why tonight is not as good as any other night.” I was still breathless; it made the frustration in my voice less impressive.

“I wasn’t born yesterday.” He chuckled in my ear. “Out of the two of us, which do you think is more unwilling to give the other what they want? You just promised to marry me before you do any changing, but if I give in tonight, what guarantee do I have that you won’t go running off to Carlisle in the morning? I am—clearly—much less reluctant to give you what you want. Therefore… you first.”

I exhaled with a loud huff. “I have to marry you first?” I asked in disbelief.

“That’s the deal—take it or leave it. Compromise, remember?”

You have to be a good Mormon girl for Joseph Smith, Bella!

quote:

His arms wrapped around me, and he began kissing me in a way that should be illegal. Too persuasive—it was duress, coercion. I tried to keep a clear head… and failed quickly and absolutely.

What kind of loving kissing is that? He's not tonguing your rear end in a top hat here.

quote:

“I think that’s a really bad idea,” I gasped when he let me breathe.

“I’m not surprised you feel that way.” He smirked. “You have a one-track mind.”

“How did this happen?” I grumbled. “I thought I was holding my own tonight—for once—and now, all of a sudden—”

“You’re engaged,” he finished.

“Ew! Please don’t say that out loud.”

“Are you going back on your word?” he demanded. He pulled away to read my face. His expression was entertained. He was having fun.

I glared at him, trying to ignore the way his smile made my heart react.

“Are you?” he pressed.

“Ugh!” I groaned. “No. I’m not. Are you happy now?”

His smile was blinding. “Exceptionally.”

I groaned again.

“Aren’t you happy at all?” He kissed me again before I could answer. Another too-persuasive kiss.

“A little bit,” I admitted when I could speak. “But not about getting married.”

He kissed me another time. “Do you get the feeling that everything is backward?” he laughed in my ear.

“Traditionally, shouldn’t you be arguing my side, and I yours?”

“There isn’t much that’s traditional about you and me.”

"Except for every single thing about our relationship that isn't vampires."

quote:

“True.”

He kissed me again, and kept going until my heart was racing and my skin was flushed.

“Look, Edward,” I murmured, my voice wheedling, when he paused to kiss the palm of my hand. “I said I would marry you, and I will. I promise. I swear. If you want, I’ll sign a contract in my own blood.”

“Not funny,” he murmured against the inside of my wrist.

“What I’m saying is this—I’m not going to trick you or anything. You know me better than that. So there’s really no reason to wait. We’re completely alone—how often does that happen?—and you’ve provided this very large and comfortable bed.…”

“Not tonight,” he said again.

“Don’t you trust me?”

“Of course I do.”

Using the hand that he was still kissing, I pulled his face back up to where I could see his expression. “Then what’s the problem? It’s not like you didn’t know you were going to win in the end.” I frowned and muttered, “You always win.”

This scene could have ended at least one page ago and we'd be right where we are now.

quote:

“Just hedging my bets,” he said calmly.

“There’s something else,” I guessed, my eyes narrowing. There was a defensiveness about his face, a faint hint of some secret motive he was trying to hide behind his casual manner. “Are you planning to go back on your word?”

“No,” he promised solemnly. “I swear to you, we will try. After you marry me.”

I shook my head, and laughed glumly. “You make me feel like a villain in a melodrama—twirling my mustache while I try to steal some poor girl’s virtue.”

Someone do art of this.

quote:

His eyes were wary as they flashed across my face, then he quickly ducked down to press his lips against my collarbone.

“That’s it, isn’t it?” The short laugh that escaped me was more shocked than amused. “You’re trying to protect your virtue!” I covered my mouth with my hand to muffle the giggle that followed. The words were so… old-fashioned.

Edward has canonically never released a drop of cum in his life.

quote:

“No, silly girl,” he muttered against my shoulder. “I’m trying to protect yours. And you’re making it shockingly difficult.”

“Of all the ridiculous—”

Always remember: women's value is entirely based on the state of their hymen!

quote:

“Let me ask you something,” he interrupted quickly. “We’ve had this discussion before, but humor me. How many people in this room have a soul? A shot at heaven, or whatever there is after this life?”

“Two,” I answered immediately, my voice fierce.

“All right. Maybe that’s true. Now, there’s a world full of dissension about this, but the vast majority seem to think that there are some rules that have to be followed.”

“Vampire rules aren’t enough for you? You want to worry about the human ones too?”

“It couldn’t hurt.” He shrugged. “Just in case.”

I glared at him through narrowed eyes.

“Now, of course, it might be too late for me, even if you are right about my soul.”

“No, it isn’t,” I argued angrily.

“‘Thou shalt not kill’ is commonly accepted by most major belief systems. And I’ve killed a lot of people, Bella.”

“Only the bad ones.”

She's loving cold, isn't she? Doesn't even give a poo poo that her boyfriend has a body count that Andrei Chikatilo would be envious of. Just tell her "Oh, I only killed bad guys!" and she drops it immediately.

quote:

He shrugged. “Maybe that counts, maybe it doesn’t. But you haven’t killed anyone—”

“That you know about,” I muttered.

He smiled, but otherwise ignored the interruption. “And I’m going to do my best to keep you out of temptation’s way.”

“Okay. But we weren’t fighting over committing murder,” I reminded him.

“The same principle applies—the only difference is that this is the one area in which I’m just as spotless as you are. Can’t I leave one rule unbroken?”

“One?”

“You know that I’ve stolen, I’ve lied, I’ve coveted… my virtue is all I have left.” He grinned crookedly.

The spotless, shiny, marble-like penis is all he has left. Untainted by feminine juices or hand lotion since time immemorial.

quote:

“I lie all the time.”

“Yes, but you’re such a bad liar that it doesn’t really count. Nobody believes you.”

Except all the times she lied and succeeded. Like her entire friendship with Jacob being based on lies!

quote:

“I really hope you’re wrong about that—because otherwise Charlie is about to burst through the door with a loaded gun.”

“Charlie is happier when he pretends to swallow your stories. He’d rather lie to himself than look too closely.” He grinned at me.

“But what did you ever covet?” I asked doubtfully. “You have everything.”

“I coveted you.” His smile darkened. “I had no right to want you—but I reached out and took you anyway. And now look what’s become of you! Trying to seduce a vampire.” He shook his head in mock horror.

“You can covet what’s already yours,” I informed him. “Besides, I thought it was my virtue you were worried about.”

“It is. If it’s too late for me… Well, I’ll be damned—no pun intended—if I’ll let them keep you out, too.”

“You can’t make me go somewhere you won’t be,” I vowed. “That’s my definition of hell. Anyway, I have an easy solution to all this: let’s never die, all right?”

“Sounds simple enough. Why didn’t I think of that?”

"I mean until Earth ceases to be, at which point we really have no choice but a suicide pact to avoid floating through space until the heat death of the universe."

quote:

He smiled at me until I gave up with an angry humph. “So that’s it. You won’t sleep with me until we’re married.”

“Technically, I can’t ever sleep with you.”

I rolled my eyes. “Very mature, Edward.”

Just going at it for 8 straight hours.

quote:

“But, other than that detail, yes, you’ve got it right.”

“I think you have an ulterior motive.”

His eyes widened innocently. “Another one?”

“You know this will speed things up,” I accused.

He tried not to smile. “There is only one thing I want to speed up, and the rest can wait forever… but for that, it’s true, your impatient human hormones are my most powerful ally at this point.”

Edward has weaponized horny.

quote:

“I can’t believe I’m going along with this. When I think of Charlie… and Renée! Can you imagine what Angela will think? Or Jessica? Ugh. I can hear the gossip now.”

He raised one eyebrow at me, and I knew why. What did it matter what they said about me when I was leaving soon and not coming back? Was I really so oversensitive that I couldn’t bear a few weeks of sidelong glances and leading questions?

Maybe it wouldn’t bug me so much if I didn’t know that I would probably be gossiping just as condescendingly as the rest of them if it was someone else getting married this summer.

"I'm kind of a bitch!"

quote:

Gah. Married this summer! I shuddered.

And then, maybe it wouldn’t bug me so much if I hadn’t been raised to shudder at the thought of marriage.

Edward interrupted my fretting. “It doesn’t have to be a big production. I don’t need any fanfare. You won’t have to tell anyone or make any changes. We’ll go to Vegas—you can wear old jeans and we’ll go to the chapel with the drive-through window. I just want it to be official—that you belong to me and no one else.”

I hope there's a fic out there where they really did do a drive-thru wedding in Vegas.

quote:

“It couldn’t be any more official than it already is,” I grumbled. But his description didn’t sound that bad. Only Alice would be disappointed.

“We’ll see about that.” He smiled complacently. “I suppose you don’t want your ring now?”

I had to swallow before I could speak. “You suppose correctly.”

He laughed at my expression. “That’s fine. I’ll get it on your finger soon enough.”

I glared at him. “You talk like you already have one.”

“I do,” he said, unashamed. “Ready to force upon you at the first sign of weakness.”

Super speed to put a ring on her when she least expects it.

quote:

“You’re unbelievable.”

“Do you want to see it?” he asked. His liquid topaz eyes were suddenly shining with excitement.

“No!” I almost shouted, a reflex reaction. I regretted it at once. His face fell ever so slightly. “Unless you really want to show it to me,” I amended. I gritted my teeth together to keep my illogical terror from showing.

“That’s all right,” he shrugged. “It can wait.”

I sighed. “Show me the drat ring, Edward.”

He shook his head. “No.”

I studied his expression for a long minute.

“Please?” I asked quietly, experimenting with my newly discovered weapon. I touched his face lightly with the tips of my fingers. “Please can I see it?”

This girl is giving me whiplash.

quote:

His eyes narrowed. “You are the most dangerous creature I’ve ever met,” he muttered. But he got up and moved with unconscious grace to kneel next to the small bedside table. He was back on the bed with me in an instant, sitting beside me with one arm around my shoulder. In his other hand was a little black box. He balanced it on my left knee.

“Go ahead and look, then,” he said brusquely.

It was harder than it should have been to pick up the inoffensive little box, but I didn’t want to hurt him again, so I tried to keep my hand from shaking. The surface was smooth with black satin. I brushed my fingers over it, hesitating.

“You didn’t spend a lot of money, did you? Lie to me, if you did.”

“I didn’t spend anything,” he assured me. “It’s just another hand-me-down. This is the ring my father gave to my mother.”

“Oh.” Surprise colored my voice. I pinched the lid between my thumb and forefinger, but didn’t open it.

“I suppose it’s a little outdated.” His tone was playfully apologetic. “Old-fashioned, just like me. I can get you something more modern. Something from Tiffany’s?”

“I like old-fashioned things,” I mumbled as I hesitantly lifted the lid.

Nestled into the black satin, Elizabeth Masen’s ring sparkled in the dim light. The face was a long oval, set with slanting rows of glittering round stones. The band was gold—delicate and narrow. The gold made a fragile web around the diamonds. I’d never seen anything like it.



The wedding ring used in the film was mostly accurate, with a rhodium finish on the 14kt gold band and 69 cubic zirconia stones (no need to use real diamonds for costume jewelry). While the ring itself is relatively low value as jewelry, it sold at auction for $16,800 in 2016 at an auction that included over 900 other props and costume pieces, including Edward's journal, the Volturi throne, and the costume Kristen Stewart wore on Bella's first day of school. Replica rings are available cheaply on AliExpress if you feel a sudden urge to cosplay.

And yes, someone paid $600 for Taylor Lautner's jorts.

quote:

Unthinkingly, I stroked the shimmering gems.

“It’s so pretty,” I murmured to myself, surprised.

“Do you like it?”

“It’s beautiful.” I shrugged, feigning a lack of interest. “What’s not to like?”

He chuckled. “See if it fits.”

My left hand clenched into a fist.

“Bella,” he sighed. “I’m not going to solder it to your finger. Just try it on so I can see if it needs to be sized. Then you can take it right off.”

Under the bed, Alice sinks even lower to the floor with her solder kit.

quote:

“Fine,” I grumbled. I reached for the ring, but his long fingers beat me there. He took my left hand in his, and slid the ring into place on my third finger. He held my hand out, and we both examined the oval sparkling against my skin. It wasn’t quite as awful as I’d feared, having it there.

“A perfect fit,” he said indifferently. “That’s nice—saves me a trip to the jeweler’s.”

I could hear some strong emotion burning under the casual tone of his voice, and I stared up at his face. It was there in his eyes, too, visible despite the careful nonchalance of his expression.

It's almost like....you chose each other in the pre-existence.

quote:

“You like that, don’t you?” I asked suspiciously, fluttering my fingers and thinking that it was really too bad that I had not broken my left hand. He shrugged his shoulders.

“Sure,” he said, still casual. “It looks very nice on you.”

I stared into his eyes, trying to decipher the emotion that smoldered just under the surface. He gazed back, and the casual pretense suddenly slipped away. He was glowing—his angel’s face brilliant with joy and victory. He was so glorious that it knocked me breathless.

Before I could catch that breath, he was kissing me, his lips exultant. I was lightheaded when he moved his mouth to whisper in my ear—but his breathing was just as ragged as mine.

“Yes, I like it. You have no idea.”

Edward is extremely turned on by faithful marriage, the missionary position, and khaki skirts.

quote:

I laughed, gasping a little. “I believe you.”

“Do you mind if I do something?” he murmured, his arms tightening around me.

“Anything you want.”

But he let me go and slid away.

“Anything but that,” I complained.

He ignored me, taking my hand and pulling me off the bed, too. He stood in front of me, hands on my shoulders, face serious.

“Now, I want to do this right. Please, please, keep in mind that you’ve already agreed to this, and don’t ruin it for me.”

“Oh, no,” I gasped as he slid down onto one knee.

“Be nice,” he muttered.

Ha! It was a trap!

quote:

I took a deep breath.

“Isabella Swan?” He looked up at me through his impossibly long lashes, his golden eyes soft but, somehow, still scorching. “I promise to love you forever—every single day of forever. Will you marry me?”

There were many things I wanted to say, some of them not nice at all, and others more disgustingly gooey and romantic than he probably dreamed I was capable of. Rather than embarrass myself with either, I whispered, “Yes.”

“Thank you,” he said simply. He took my left hand and kissed each of my fingertips before he kissed the ring that was now mine.

chitoryu12 fucked around with this message at 18:44 on Feb 3, 2020

* # ? Feb 3, 2020 18:38
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Midjack
Dec 24, 2007

chitoryu12 posted:

69 cubic zirconia stones

:nice:

* # ? Feb 3, 2020 20:32
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chitoryu12
Apr 24, 2014
I'm sorry, what the gently caress?

Jasper was wearing dark green pinstripe trousers in the cafeteria scene at the beginning of the first movie. Nobody wears those!

Edit: loving Emmett had pinstripes too?!

chitoryu12 fucked around with this message at 20:43 on Feb 3, 2020

* # ? Feb 3, 2020 20:36
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RaspberrySea
Nov 29, 2004
 Do you think the Jasper embroidered on the tags of his clothes are from the costumer or it's just exacting detail for the character? Because I like imagining Esme sewing the names of her kids' on their new school outfits for decades.

* # ? Feb 3, 2020 22:55
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chitoryu12
Apr 24, 2014

MorgaineDax posted:

Do you think the Jasper embroidered on the tags of his clothes are from the costumer or it's just exacting detail for the character? Because I like imagining Esme sewing the names of her kids' on their new school outfits for decades.

That would be the costume department. Every single costume piece has the character name and movie to keep them easily sorted and identifiable if any pieces turn up where they're not supposed to be. Pieces that were reused for sequels had the next movie put on them, so you can identify what was used 2 or 3 times.

It's actually a really cool auction for getting a close look at the props and costumes. You can see modifications to the clothes, like cutting slits in certain outfits for wire stunt harnesses or putting velcro lace covers on Edward's Adidas sneakers from the meadow scene. The increasing budgets make themselves apparent in Bella getting much more expensive clothes, more costume changes with fewer reused pieces, and more copies of outfits for action sequences to reduce turnaround time in case a piece gets damaged and has to be replaced. Edward's journal has pages with real writing that will look normal on camera (including a part where whoever was writing clearly lost interest and just scrawled it as fast as they could), but also pages with random doodles that will look like writing from a distance.

* # ? Feb 4, 2020 02:17
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chitoryu12
Apr 24, 2014
Chapter 21: Trails

quote:

I hated to waste any part of the night in sleep, but that was inevitable. The sun was bright outside the window-wall when I woke, with small clouds scuttling too quickly across the sky. The wind rocked the treetops till the whole forest looked as if it was going to shake apart.

He left me alone to get dressed, and I appreciated the chance to think. Somehow, my plan for last night had gone horribly awry, and I needed to come to grips with the consequences. Though I’d given back the hand-me-down ring as soon as I could do it without hurting his feelings, my left hand felt heavier, like it was still in place, just invisible.

Don't you hate it when you try to get laid and instead accidentally get engaged?

quote:

This shouldn’t bother me, I reasoned. It was no big thing—a road trip to Vegas. I would go one better than old jeans—I would wear old sweats. The ceremony certainly couldn’t take very long; no more than fifteen minutes at the most, right? So I could handle that.

And then, when it was over, he’d have to fulfill his side of the bargain. I would concentrate on that, and forget the rest.

Legitimately can't tell if she means becoming a vampire or having sex.

quote:

He said I didn’t have to tell anyone, and I was planning to hold him to that. Of course, it was very stupid of me not to think of Alice.

The Cullens got home around noon. There was a new, businesslike feel to the atmosphere around them, and it pulled me back into the enormity of what was coming.

Alice seemed to be in an unusually bad mood. I chalked it up to her frustration with feeling normal, because her first words to Edward were a complaint about working with the wolves.

“I think”—she made a face as she used the uncertain word—“that you’re going to want to pack for cold weather, Edward. I can’t see where you are exactly, because you’re taking off with that dog this afternoon. But the storm that’s coming seems particularly bad in that general area.”

Edward nodded. “It’s going to snow on the mountains,” she warned him.

“Ew, snow,” I muttered to myself. It was June, for crying out loud.

It's okay, I'm sure when you're a vampire you can hang out in all the sunny environments you want!

quote:

“Wear a jacket,” Alice told me. Her voice was unfriendly, and that surprised me. I tried to read her face, but she turned away.

I looked at Edward, and he was smiling; whatever was bugging Alice amused him.

Edward had more than enough camping gear to choose from—props in the human charade; the Cullens were good customers at the Newton’s store. He grabbed a down sleeping bag, a small tent, and several packets of dehydrated food—grinning when I made a face at them—and stuffed them all in a backpack.

Oh grow up, Bella. I've had plenty of Mountain House meals and they taste fine. It's not like you need to chew the dry powder straight from the bag.

quote:

Alice wandered into the garage while we were there, watching Edward’s preparations without a word. He ignored her.

When he was done packing, Edward handed me his phone. “Why don’t you call Jacob and tell him we’ll be ready for him in an hour or so. He knows where to meet us.”

Jacob wasn’t home, but Billy promised to call around until he could find an available werewolf to pass the news to.

“Don’t you worry about Charlie, Bella,” Billy said. “I’ve got my part of this under control.”

“Yeah, I know Charlie’ll be fine.” I didn’t feel so confident about his son’s safety, but I didn’t add that.

“I wish I could be with the rest of them tomorrow.” Billy chuckled regretfully. “Being an old man is a hardship, Bella.”

The urge to fight must be a defining characteristic of the Y chromosome. They were all the same.

The girls are just as eager to fight! It's literally just you who's fainting in horror at everything!

quote:

“Have fun with Charlie.”

“Good luck, Bella,” he answered. “And… pass that along to the, er, Cullens for me.”

“I will,” I promised, surprised by the gesture.

As I gave the phone back to Edward, I saw that he and Alice were having some kind of silent discussion. She was staring at him, pleading in her eyes. He was frowning back, unhappy with whatever she wanted.

“Billy said to tell you ‘good luck.’”

“That was generous of him,” Edward said, breaking away from her.

“Bella, could I please speak to you alone?” Alice asked swiftly.

“You’re about to make my life harder than it needs to be, Alice,” Edward warned her through his teeth. “I’d really rather you didn’t.”

“This isn’t about you, Edward,” she shot back.

He laughed. Something about her response was funny to him.

“It’s not,” Alice insisted. “This is a female thing.”

It's really just an Alice thing.

quote:

He frowned.

“Let her talk to me,” I told him. I was curious.

“You asked for it,” he muttered. He laughed again—half angry, half amused—and strode out of the garage.

I turned to Alice, worried now, but she didn’t look at me. Her bad mood hadn’t passed yet.

She went to sit on the hood of her Porsche, her face dejected. I followed, and leaned against the bumper beside her.

“Bella?” Alice asked in a sad voice, shifting over and curling up against my side. Her voice sounded so miserable that I wrapped my arms around her shoulders in comfort.

“What’s wrong, Alice?”

“Don’t you love me?” she asked in that same sad tone.

“Of course I do. You know that.”

“Then why do I see you sneaking off to Vegas to get married without inviting me?”

“Oh,” I muttered, my cheeks turning pink. I could see that I had seriously hurt her feelings, and I hurried to defend myself. “You know how I hate to make a big deal out of things. It was Edward’s idea, anyway.”

“I don’t care whose idea it was. How could you do this to me? I expect that kind of thing from Edward, but not from you. I love you like you were my own sister.”

“To me, Alice, you are my sister.”

“Words!” she growled.

This would be a lot funnier if we hadn't seen Alice engage in really creepy and invasive behavior before. Now it seems more like this could end in murder.

quote:

“Fine, you can come. There won’t be much to see.”

She was still grimacing.

“What?” I demanded.

“How much do you love me, Bella?”

“Why?”

She stared at me with pleading eyes, her long black eyebrows slanting up in the middle and pulling together, her lips trembling at the corners. It was a heart-breaking expression.

“Please, please, please,” she whispered. “Please, Bella, please—if you really love me… Please let me do your wedding.”

“Aw, Alice!” I groaned, pulling away and standing up. “No! Don’t do this to me.”

“If you really, truly love me, Bella.”

Alice has found her one true passion, and it is terrifying.

quote:

I folded my arms across my chest. “That is so unfair. And Edward kind of already used that one on me.”

“I’ll bet Edward would like it better if you did this traditionally, though he’d never tell you that. And Esme—think what it would mean to her!”

I groaned. “I’d rather face the newborns alone.”

“I’ll owe you for a decade.”

“You’d owe me for a century!”

Her eyes glowed. “Is that a yes?”

"I'm 105 years old! Time is meaningless!"

quote:

“No! I don’t want to do this!”

“You won’t have to do anything but walk a few yards and then repeat after the minister.”

“Ugh! Ugh, ugh!”

“Please?” She started bouncing in place. “Please, please, please, please, please?”

“I’ll never, never ever forgive you for this, Alice.”

“Yay!” she squealed, clapping her hands together.

“That’s not a yes!”

“But it will be,” she sang.

I saw some fans try to write post-transformation Bella as getting involved in the same Chaos Twins energy as Emmett and Alice display, and I just don't get where that idea comes from. She's the dullest person alive. She'd be the only vampire to go to school in sweats and work boots.

quote:

“Edward!” I yelled, stalking out of the garage. “I know you’re listening. Get over here.” Alice was right behind me, still clapping.

“Thanks so much, Alice,” Edward said acidly, coming from behind me. I turned to let him have it, but his expression was so worried and upset that I couldn’t speak my complaints. I threw my arms around him instead, hiding my face, just in case the angry moisture in my eyes made it look like I was crying.

“Vegas,” Edward promised in my ear.

“Not a chance,” Alice gloated. “Bella would never do that to me. You know, Edward, as a brother, you are sometimes a disappointment.”

“Don’t be mean,” I grumbled at her. “He’s trying to make me happy, unlike you.”

“I’m trying to make you happy, too, Bella. It’s just that I know better what will make you happy… in the long run. You’ll thank me for this. Maybe not for fifty years, but definitely someday.”

Desperately trying to counteract her dishwater-like sensibilities.

quote:

“I never thought I’d see the day where I’d be willing to take a bet against you, Alice, but it has arrived.”

She laughed her silvery laugh. “So, are you going to show me the ring?”

I grimaced in horror as she grabbed my left hand and then dropped it just as quickly. “Huh. I saw him put it on you.… Did I miss something?” she asked. She concentrated for half a second, furrowing her brow, before she answered her own questions. “No. Wedding’s still on.”

“Bella has issues with jewelry,” Edward explained.

“What’s one more diamond? Well, I guess the ring has lots of diamonds, but my point is that he’s already got one on—”

“Enough, Alice!” Edward cut her off suddenly. The way he glared at her… he looked like a vampire again. “We’re in a hurry.”

Yeah, he is a vampire! Who's killed a lot of people! You keep forgetting this!

quote:

“I don’t understand. What’s that about diamonds?” I asked.

“We’ll talk about it later,” Alice said. “Edward is right—you’d better get going. You’ve got to set a trap and make camp before the storm comes.” She frowned, and her expression was anxious, almost nervous. “Don’t forget your coat, Bella. It seems… unseasonably cold.”

“I’ve already got it,” Edward assured her.

“Have a nice night,” she told us in farewell.

It was twice as far to the clearing as usual; Edward took a long detour, making sure my scent would be nowhere near the trail Jacob would hide later. He carried me in his arms, the bulky backpack in my usual spot.

He stopped at the farthest end of the clearing and set me on my feet.

“All right. Just walk north for a ways, touching as much as you can. Alice gave me a clear picture of their path, and it won’t take long for us to intersect it.”

“North?”

He smiled and pointed out the right direction.

She's doomed.

quote:

I wandered into the woods, leaving the clear yellow light of the strangely sunny day in the clearing behind me. Maybe Alice’s blurred sight would be wrong about the snow. I hoped so. The sky was mostly clear, though the wind whipped furiously through the open spaces. In the trees it was calmer, but much too cold for June—even in a long-sleeved shirt with a thick sweater over the top, there were goose bumps on my arms. I walked slowly, trailing my fingers over anything close enough: the rough tree bark, the wet ferns, the moss-covered rocks.

Edward stayed with me, walking a parallel line about twenty yards away.

“Am I doing this right?” I called.

“Perfectly.”

I had an idea. “Will this help?” I asked as I ran my fingers through my hair and caught a few loose strands. I draped them over the ferns.

“Yes, that does make the trail stronger. But you don’t need to pull your hair out, Bella. It will be fine.”

“I’ve got a few extras I can spare.”

It was gloomy under the trees, and I wished I could walk closer to Edward and hold his hand.

I wedged another hair into a broken branch that cut through my path.

Very precisely planting hairs in strategic locations.

quote:

“You don’t need to let Alice have her way, you know,” Edward said.

“Don’t worry about it, Edward. I’m not going to leave you at the altar, regardless.” I had a sinking feeling that Alice was going to get her way, mostly because she was totally unscrupulous when there was something she wanted, and also because I was a sucker for guilt trips.

“That’s not what I’m worried about. I want this to be what you want it to be.”

I repressed a sigh. It would hurt his feelings if I told the truth—that it didn’t really matter, because it was all just varying degrees of awful anyway.

“Well, even if she does get her way, we can keep it small. Just us. Emmett can get a clerical license off the Internet.”

I giggled. “That does sound better.” It wouldn’t feel very official if Emmett read the vows, which was a plus. But I’d have a hard time keeping a straight face.

“See,” he said with a smile. “There’s always a compromise.”

That would, in fact, be the best wedding she could possibly have.

quote:

It took a while for me to reach the spot where the newborn army would be certain to cross my trail, but Edward never got impatient with my pace.

He had to lead a bit more on the way back, to keep me on the same path. It all looked alike to me.

We were almost to the clearing when I fell. I could see the wide opening ahead, and that’s probably why I got too eager and forgot to watch my feet. I caught myself before my head bashed into the nearest tree, but a small branch snapped off under my left hand and gouged into my palm.

“Ouch! Oh, fabulous,” I muttered.

Bella is the worst protagonist.

quote:

“Are you all right?”

“I’m fine. Stay where you are. I’m bleeding. It will stop in a minute.”

He ignored me. He was right there before I could finish.

“I’ve got a first aid kit,” he said, pulling off the backpack. “I had a feeling I might need it.”

“It’s not bad. I can take care of it—you don’t have to make yourself uncomfortable.”

“I’m not uncomfortable,” he said calmly. “Here—let me clean it.”

“Wait a second, I just got another idea.” Without looking at the blood and breathing through my mouth, just in case my stomach might react, I pressed my hand against a rock within my reach.

“What are you doing?”

“Jasper will love this,” I muttered to myself. I started for the clearing again, pressing my palm against everything in my path. “I’ll bet this really gets them going.”

Edward had better really clean that cut out after this.

quote:

Edward sighed.

“Hold your breath,” I told him.

“I’m fine. I just think you’re going overboard.”

“This is all I get to do. I want to do a good job.”

We broke through the last of the trees as I spoke. I let my injured hand graze across the ferns.

“Well, you have,” Edward assured me. “The newborns will be frantic, and Jasper will be very impressed with your dedication. Now let me treat your hand—you’ve gotten the cut dirty.”

“Let me do it, please.”

He took my hand and smiled as he examined it. “This doesn’t bother me anymore.”

"Also you made it taste like dirt."

quote:

I watched him carefully as he cleaned the gash, looking for some sign of distress. He continued to breathe evenly in and out, the same small smile on his lips.

“Why not?” I finally asked as he smoothed a bandage across my palm.

He shrugged. “I got over it.”

“You… got over it? When? How?” I tried to remember the last time he’d held his breath around me. All I could think of was my wretched birthday party last September.

Edward pursed his lips, seeming to search for the words. “I lived through an entire twenty-four hours thinking that you were dead, Bella. That changed the way I look at a lot of things.”

“Did it change the way I smell to you?”

“Not at all. But… having experienced the way it feels to think I’ve lost you… my reactions have changed. My entire being shies away from any course that could inspire that kind of pain again.”

I didn’t know what to say to that.

He smiled at my expression. “I guess that you could call it a very educational experience.”

Last time you talked about this, she tried to rip her blouse off on the spot.

quote:

The wind tore through the clearing then, lashing my hair around my face and making me shiver.

“All right,” he said, reaching into his pack again. “You’ve done your part.” He pulled out my heavy winter jacket and held it out for me to slide my arms in. “Now it’s out of our hands. Let’s go camping!”

I laughed at the mock enthusiasm in his voice.

He took my bandaged hand—the other was in worse shape, still in the brace—and started toward the other side of the clearing.

Oh God, I forgot she still had a broken hand! This girl's going to end up in a self-inflicted body cast by the time the battle ends!

quote:

“Where are we meeting Jacob?” I asked.

“Right here.” He gestured to the trees in front of us just as Jacob stepped warily from their shadows.

It shouldn’t have surprised me to see him human. I wasn’t sure why I’d been looking for the big red-brown wolf.

Jacob seemed bigger again—no doubt a product of my expectations; I must have unconsciously been hoping to see the smaller Jacob from my memory, the easygoing friend who hadn’t made everything so difficult. He had his arms folded across his bare chest, a jacket clutched in one fist. His face was expressionless as he watched us.

Edward’s lips pulled down at the corners. “There had to have been a better way to do this.”

“Too late now,” I muttered glumly.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CB-bqrfaOK4

The movie enhances this exchange with some mockery of the constantly topless werewolves and a drawn-out, uncomfortably long kiss right in front of Jacob purely to make him feel bad.

quote:

He sighed.

“Hey, Jake,” I greeted him when we got closer.

“Hi, Bella.”

“Hello, Jacob,” Edward said.

Jacob ignored the pleasantry, all business. “Where do I take her?”

Edward pulled a map from a side pocket on the pack and offered it to him. Jacob unfolded it.

“We’re here now,” Edward said, reaching over to touch the right spot. Jacob recoiled from his hand automatically, and then steadied himself. Edward pretended not to notice.

“And you’re taking her up here,” Edward continued, tracing a serpentine pattern around the elevation lines on the paper. “Roughly nine miles.”

Jacob nodded once.

“When you’re about a mile away, you should cross my path. That will lead you in. Do you need the map?”

“No, thanks. I know this area pretty well. I think I know where I’m going.”

Jacob seemed to have to work harder than Edward to keep the tone polite.

“I’ll take a longer route,” Edward said. “And I’ll see you in a few hours.”

Edward stared at me unhappily. He didn’t like this part of the plan.

“See you,” I murmured.

Edward faded into the trees, heading in the opposite direction.

And now for more talking! I know that's what you wanted out of this vampire war the most: long scenes of conversations that ultimately don't move the story forward very much.

quote:

As soon as he was gone, Jacob turned cheerful.

“What’s up, Bella?” he asked with a big grin.

I rolled my eyes. “Same old, same old.”

“Yeah,” he agreed. “Bunch of vampires trying to kill you. The usual.”

“The usual.”

“Well,” he said as he shrugged into his jacket to free his arms. “Let’s get going.”

Making a face, I took a small step closer to him.

He bent down and swept his arm behind my knees, knocking them out from under me. His other arm caught me before my head hit the ground.

“Jerk,” I muttered.

I thought you'd be used to him manhandling you by now.

quote:

Jacob chuckled, already running through the trees. He kept a steady pace, a brisk jog that a fit human could keep up with… across a level plane… if they weren’t burdened with a hundred-plus pounds as he was.

“You don’t have to run. You’ll get tired.”

“Running doesn’t make me tired,” he said. His breathing was even—like the fixed tempo of a marathoner. “Besides, it will be colder soon. I hope he gets the camp set up before we get there.”

I don't think Jacob cut his hair in the books. Right now he looks like a stereotypical romance novel cover, black hair blowing in the breeze as he carries his love, his glistening abs exposed.

quote:

I tapped my finger against the thick padding of his parka. “I thought you didn’t get cold now.”

“I don’t. I brought this for you, just in case you weren’t prepared.” He looked at my jacket, almost as if he were disappointed that I was. “I don’t like the way the weather feels. It’s making me edgy. Notice how we haven’t seen any animals?”

“Um, not really.”

“I guess you wouldn’t. Your senses are too dull.”

"Pathetic."

quote:

I let that pass. “Alice was worried about the storm, too.”

“It takes a lot to silence the forest this way. You picked a hell of a night for a camping trip.”

“It wasn’t entirely my idea.”

The pathless way he took began to climb more and more steeply, but it didn’t slow him down. He leapt easily from rock to rock, not seeming to need his hands at all. His perfect balance reminded me of a mountain goat.

“What’s with the addition to your bracelet?” he asked.

I looked down, and realized that the crystal heart was facing up on my wrist.

I shrugged guiltily. “Another graduation present.”

He snorted. “A rock. Figures.”

A rock? I was suddenly reminded of Alice’s unfinished sentence outside the garage. I stared at the bright white crystal and tried to remember what Alice had been saying before… about diamonds. Could she have been trying to say he’s already got one on you? As in, I was already wearing one diamond from Edward? No, that was impossible. The heart would have to be five carats or something crazy like that! Edward wouldn’t—



A 5 carat diamond weighs 1 gram and is so large as to resemble costume jewelry if you put it on a ring. That diamond would cost hundreds of thousands of dollars. If it came from his mother, the Masen family would have had to be millionaires many times over. If I had one just casually affixed to my bracelet, I'd be running to the bank to put it in the safest storage possible.

quote:

“So it’s been a while since you came down to La Push,” Jacob said, interrupting my disturbing conjectures.

“I’ve been busy,” I told him. “And… I probably wouldn’t have visited, anyway.”

He grimaced. “I thought you were supposed to be the forgiving one, and I was the grudge-holder.”

I shrugged.

“Been thinking about that last time a lot, have you?”

“Nope.”

He laughed. “Either you’re lying, or you are the stubbornest person alive.”

You sexually assaulted her

quote:

“I don’t know about the second part, but I’m not lying.”

I didn’t like having this conversation under the present conditions—with his too-warm arms wrapped tightly around me and nothing at all I could do about it. His face was closer than I wanted it to be. I wished I could take a step back.

“A smart person looks at all sides of a decision.”

gently caress off!

quote:

“I have,” I retorted.

“If you haven’t thought at all about our… er, conversation the last time you came over, then that’s not true.”

“That conversation isn’t relevant to my decision.”

“Some people will go to any lengths to delude themselves.”

“I’ve noticed that werewolves in particular are prone to that mistake—do you think it’s a genetic thing?”

“Does that mean that he’s a better kisser than I am?” Jacob asked, suddenly glum.

“I really couldn’t say, Jake. Edward is the only person I’ve ever kissed.”

“Besides me.”

“But I don’t count that as a kiss, Jacob. I think of it more as an assault.”

“Ouch! That’s cold.”

Yeah, it should be. Get hosed.

quote:

I shrugged. I wasn’t going to take it back.

“I did apologize about that,” he reminded me.

“And I forgave you… mostly. It doesn’t change the way I remember it.”

He muttered something unintelligible.

You don't apologize for assaulting someone and then keep holding it over their head! You don't constantly tell them that your actions should have convinced them to date you instead! This is all behavior of someone who would easily do it again if he got the opportunity. Jacob is a fuckboy.

quote:

It was quiet then for a while; there was just the sound of his measured breathing and the wind roaring high above us in the treetops. A cliff face rose sheer beside us, bare, rough gray stone. We followed the base as it curved upward out of the forest.

“I still think it’s pretty irresponsible,” Jacob suddenly said.

“Whatever you’re talking about, you’re wrong.”

“Think about it, Bella. According to you, you’ve kissed just one person—who isn’t even really a person—in your whole life, and you’re calling it quits? How do you know that’s what you want? Shouldn’t you play the field a little?”

I kept my voice cool. “I know exactly what I want.”

“Then it couldn’t hurt to double check. Maybe you should try kissing someone else—just for comparison’s sake… since what happened the other day doesn’t count. You could kiss me, for example. I don’t mind if you want to use me to experiment.”

What the gently caress am I reading?

quote:

He pulled me tighter against his chest, so that my face was closer to his. He was smiling at his joke, but I wasn’t taking any chances.

“Don’t mess with me, Jake. I swear I won’t stop him if he wants to break your jaw.”

The panicky edge to my voice made him smile wider. “If you ask me to kiss you, he won’t have any reason to get upset. He said that was fine.”

“Don’t hold your breath, Jake—no, wait, I changed my mind. Go right ahead. Just hold your breath until I ask you to kiss me.”

“You’re in a bad mood today.”

“I wonder why?”

How did anyone create a love triangle out of this? Was it just marketing? This is horrid!

quote:

“Sometimes I think you like me better as a wolf.”

“Sometimes I do. It probably has something to do with the way you can’t talk.”

He pursed his broad lips thoughtfully. “No, I don’t think that’s it. I think it’s easier for you to be near me when I’m not human, because you don’t have to pretend that you’re not attracted to me.”

My mouth fell open with a little popping sound. I snapped it shut at once, grinding my teeth together.

He heard that. His lips pulled tightly across his face in a triumphant smile.

Did....did he accuse her of being a furry? That would somehow be less awful than what he's trying to pull right now.

quote:

I took a slow breath before I spoke. “No. I’m pretty sure it’s because you can’t talk.”

He sighed. “Do you ever get tired of lying to yourself? You have to know how aware you are of me. Physically, I mean.”

“How could anyone not be aware of you physically, Jacob?” I demanded. “You’re an enormous monster who refuses to respect anyone else’s personal space.”

"You should probably be in jail!"

quote:

“I make you nervous. But only when I’m human. When I’m a wolf, you’re more comfortable around me.”

“Nervousness and irritation are not the same thing.”

He stared at me for a minute, slowing to a walk, the amusement draining from his face. His eyes narrowed, turned black in the shadow of his brows. His breathing, so regular as he ran, started to accelerate. Slowly, he leaned his face closer to mine.

I stared him down, knowing exactly what he was trying to do.

“It’s your face,” I reminded him.

He laughed loudly and started jogging again. “I don’t really want to fight with your vampire tonight—I mean, any other night, sure. But we both have a job to do tomorrow, and I wouldn’t want to leave the Cullens one short.”

At what point has Bella even expressed sincere romantic attraction to him? The only hints of it were toward the end of New Moon when she starts considering him as a replacement for Edward to try and satisfy her loneliness, only for her to abandon that as soon as she gets the opportunity. Jacob is just forcing himself on his friend repeatedly. This is gross.

quote:

The sudden, unexpected swell of shame distorted my expression.

“I know, I know,” he responded, not understanding. “You think he could take me.”

I couldn’t speak. I was leaving them one short. What if someone got hurt because I was so weak? But what if I was brave and Edward… I couldn’t even think it.

“What’s the matter with you, Bella?” The joking bravado vanished from his face, revealing my Jacob underneath, like pulling a mask away. “If something I said upset you, you know I was only kidding. I didn’t mean anything—hey, are you okay? Don’t cry, Bella,” he pled.

I tried to pull myself together. “I’m not going to cry.”

“What did I say?”

"I'm probably going to sexually assault you again when you least expect it."

quote:

“It’s nothing you said. It’s just, well, it’s me. I did something… bad.”

He stared at me, his eyes wide with confusion.

“Edward isn’t going to fight tomorrow,” I whispered the explanation. “I’m making him stay with me. I am a huge coward.”

I won't disagree with that.

quote:

He frowned. “You think this isn’t going to work? That they’ll find you here? Do you know something I don’t know?”

“No, no. I’m not afraid of that. I just… I can’t let him go. If he didn’t come back…” I shuddered, closing my eyes to escape the thought.

Jacob was quiet.

I kept whispering, my eyes shut. “If anyone gets hurt, it will always be my fault. And even if no one does… I was horrible. I had to be, to convince him to stay with me. He won’t hold it against me, but I’ll always know what I’m capable of.” I felt just a tiny bit better, getting this off my chest. Even if I could only confess it to Jacob.

It's almost like we had almost 3 books of zero character development!

quote:

He snorted. My eyes opened slowly, and I was sad to see that the hard mask was back.

“I can’t believe he let you talk him out of going. I wouldn’t miss this for anything.”

I sighed. “I know.”

“That doesn’t mean anything, though.” He was suddenly backtracking. “That doesn’t mean that he loves you more than I do.”

“But you wouldn’t stay with me, even if I begged.”

He pursed his lips for a moment, and I wondered if he would try to deny it. We both knew the truth. “That’s only because I know you better,” he said at last. “Everything’s going to go without a hitch. Even if you’d asked and I’d said no, you wouldn’t be mad at me afterwards.”

“If everything does go without a hitch, you’re probably right. I wouldn’t be mad. But the whole time you’re gone, I’ll be sick with worry, Jake. Crazy with it.”

“Why?” he asked gruffly. “Why does it matter to you if something happens to me?”

“Don’t say that. You know how much you mean to me. I’m sorry it’s not in the way you want, but that’s just how it is. You’re my best friend. At least, you used to be. And still sometimes are… when you let your guard down.”

"When you're not being a rapey creep."

quote:

He smiled the old smile that I loved. “I’m always that,” he promised. “Even when I don’t… behave as well as I should. Underneath, I’m always in here.”

“I know. Why else would I put up with all of your crap?”

He laughed with me, and then his eyes were sad. “When are you finally going to figure out that you’re in love with me, too?”

“Leave it to you to ruin the moment.”

Oh for gently caress's sake, quit it. I don't care. Every action Jacob takes makes me less interested in his part in this romance.

quote:

“I’m not saying you don’t love him. I’m not stupid. But it’s possible to love more than one person at a time, Bella. I’ve seen it in action.”

“I’m not some freaky werewolf, Jacob.”

Someone do a find-and-replace for "werewolf" with "libertarian."

quote:

He wrinkled his nose, and I was about to apologize for that last jab, but he changed the subject.

“We’re not far now, I can smell him.”

I sighed in relief.

He misinterpreted my meaning. “I’d happily slow down, Bella, but you’re going to want to be under shelter before that hits.”

We both looked up at the sky. A solid wall of purple-black cloud was racing in from the west, blackening the forest beneath it as it came.

Keep her away from any cliffs!

quote:

“Wow,” I muttered. “You’d better hurry, Jake. You’ll want to get home before it gets here.”

“I’m not going home.”

I glared at him, exasperated. “You’re not camping with us.”

“Not technically—as in, sharing your tent or anything. I prefer the storm to the smell. But I’m sure your bloodsucker will want to keep in touch with the pack for coordination purposes, and so I will graciously provide that service.”

“I thought that was Seth’s job.”

“He’ll take over tomorrow, during the fight.”

The reminder silenced me for a second. I stared at him, worry springing up again with sudden fierceness.

“I don’t suppose there’s any way you’d just stay since you’re already here?” I suggested. “If I did beg? Or trade back the lifetime of servitude or something?”

“Tempting, but no. Then again, the begging might be interesting to see. You can give it a go if you like.”

Ew.

quote:

“There’s really nothing, nothing at all I can say?”

“Nope. Not unless you can promise me a better fight. Anyway, Sam’s calling the shots, not me.”

That reminded me.

“Edward told me something the other day… about you.”

He bristled. “It’s probably a lie.”

“Oh, really? You aren’t second in command of the pack, then?”

He blinked, his face going blank with surprise. “Oh. That.”

“How come you never told me that?”

“Why would I? It’s no big thing.”

“I don’t know. Why not? It’s interesting. So, how does that work? How did Sam end up as the Alpha, and you as the… the Beta?”

Oh my God, he's a cuck.

quote:

Jacob chuckled at my invented term. “Sam was the first, the oldest. It made sense for him to take charge.”

I frowned. “But shouldn’t Jared or Paul be second, then? They were the next to change.”

“Well… it’s hard to explain,” Jacob said evasively.

“Try.”

Just in case you weren't aware, the whole "alpha of the pack" thing doesn't exist among wolves in the wild. L. David Mech initially based his studies on wolf pack behavior on captive wolves made up of unrelated individuals, while wild wolf packs express a more standard family dynamic with a breeding pair and their children. Mech disavowed his early conclusions in 1999, but it's still used by aggressive assholes to try and give a biological explanation for why they keep pushing people around.

quote:

He sighed. “It’s more about the lineage, you know? Sort of old-fashioned. Why should it matter who your grandpa was, right?”

I remembered something Jacob had told me a long time ago, before either of us had known anything about werewolves.

“Didn’t you say that Ephraim Black was the last chief the Quileutes had?”

“Yeah, that’s right. Because he was the Alpha. Did you know that, technically, Sam’s the chief of the whole tribe now?” He laughed. “Crazy traditions.”

I thought about that for a second, trying to make all the pieces fit.

“But you also said that people listened to your dad more than anyone else on the council, because he was Ephraim’s grandson?”

“What about it?”

“Well, if it’s about the lineage… shouldn’t you be the chief, then?”

Jacob didn’t answer me. He stared into the darkening forest, as if he suddenly needed to concentrate on where he was going.

“Jake?”

“No. That’s Sam’s job.” He kept his eyes on our pathless course.

“Why? His great-granddad was Levi Uley, right? Was Levi an Alpha, too?”

“There’s only one Alpha,” he answered automatically.

“So what was Levi?”

“Sort of a Beta, I guess.” He snorted at my term. “Like me.”

"Have you heard about the effects of soy, Bella?"

quote:

“That doesn’t make sense.”

“It doesn’t matter.”

“I just want to understand.”

Jacob finally met my confused gaze, and then sighed. “Yeah. I was supposed to be the Alpha.”

My eyebrows pulled together. “Sam didn’t want to step down?”

“Hardly. I didn’t want to step up.”

“Why not?”

He frowned, uncomfortable with my questions. Well, it was his turn to feel uncomfortable.

“I didn’t want any of it, Bella. I didn’t want anything to change. I didn’t want to be some legendary chief. I didn’t want to be part of a pack of werewolves, let alone their leader. I wouldn’t take it when Sam offered.”

I thought about this for a long moment. Jacob didn’t interrupt. He stared into the forest again.

“But I thought you were happier. That you were okay with this,” I finally whispered.

Jacob smiled down at me reassuringly. “Yeah. It’s really not so bad. Exciting sometimes, like with this thing tomorrow. But at first it sort of felt like being drafted into a war you didn’t know existed. There was no choice, you know? And it was so final.” He shrugged. “Anyway, I guess I’m glad now. It has to be done, and could I trust someone else to get it right? It’s better to make sure myself.”

The pack has a big contrast to the Cullens: instability. Sam is a strong leader figure that everyone follows, but Paul is downright dangerous to everyone around him, Jacob is emotionally unstable and prone to pushing boundaries, Leah is exploiting their psychic connection to harass them, and Embry and Quil are basically kids.

quote:

I stared at him, feeling an unexpected kind of awe for my friend. He was more of a grown-up than I’d ever given him credit for. Like with Billy the other night at the bonfire, there was a majesty here that I’d never suspected.

“Chief Jacob,” I whispered, smiling at the way the words sounded together.

He rolled his eyes.

What loving "majesty"? There's nothing majestic about him, except maybe in a Fabio book cover sense. Dude's an immature jackass who needs to keep his hands to himself.

quote:

Just then, the wind shook more fiercely through the trees around us, and it felt like it was blowing straight off a glacier. The sharp sound of wood cracking echoed off the mountain. Though the light was vanishing as the grisly cloud covered the sky, I could still see the little white specks that fluttered past us.

Jacob stepped up the pace, keeping his eyes on the ground now as he flat out sprinted. I curled more willingly against his chest, recoiling from the unwelcome snow.

It was only minutes later that he dashed around to the lee side of the stony peak and we could see the little tent nestled up against the sheltering face. More flurries were falling around us, but the wind was too fierce to let them settle anywhere.

“Bella!” Edward called out in acute relief. We’d caught him in the middle of pacing back and forth across the little open space.

He flashed to my side, sort of blurring as he moved so swiftly. Jacob cringed, and then set me on my feet. Edward ignored his reaction and caught me in a tight hug.

Again, comedic super speed with nobody commenting on how silly it looks.

quote:

“Thank you,” Edward said over my head. His tone was unmistakably sincere. “That was quicker than I expected, and I truly appreciate it.”

I twisted to see Jacob’s response.

Jacob merely shrugged, all the friendliness wiped clean from his face. “Get her inside. This is going to be bad—my hair’s standing up on my scalp. Is that tent secure?”

“I all but welded it to the rock.”

Just hammered the stakes into the rock with his fists.

quote:

“Good.”

Jacob looked up at the sky—now black with the storm, sprinkled with the swirling bits of snow. His nostrils flared.

“I’m going to change,” he said. “I want to know what’s going on back home.”

He hung his jacket on a low, stubby branch, and walked into the murky forest without a backward glance.
* # ? Feb 4, 2020 19:16
  • Quote
chitoryu12
Apr 24, 2014
I posted this in another thread, but I should probably include it here too!

Once I finish Eclipse, I'm going to be taking a temporary break from this thread to do a different book. Twilight has turned out to be a lot more mentally taxing to cover than I expected and Breaking Dawn is 100 pages longer than this one. I don't want to lose my will to finish the series, so I'm going to "detox" and make a thread for a shorter work that's much more interesting in its absurd awfulness: the Revelator series by William Control, former punk singer and sex cultist. Once that's done, I'll return to finish this thread.

* # ? Feb 7, 2020 17:25
  • Quote
Mouzer
May 9, 2006
Feed the fish!

chitoryu12 posted:

I posted this in another thread, but I should probably include it here too!

Once I finish Eclipse, I'm going to be taking a temporary break from this thread to do a different book. Twilight has turned out to be a lot more mentally taxing to cover than I expected and Breaking Dawn is 100 pages longer than this one. I don't want to lose my will to finish the series, so I'm going to "detox" and make a thread for a shorter work that's much more interesting in its absurd awfulness: the Revelator series by William Control, former punk singer and sex cultist. Once that's done, I'll return to finish this thread.

Be sure to post a link, I don't want off Chitoryu's wild ride

* # ? Feb 7, 2020 18:34
  • Quote
chitoryu12
Apr 24, 2014

Mouzer posted:

Be sure to post a link, I don't want off Chitoryu's wild ride

Hell yeah. This book will be a lot more fun than Twilight because it's much shorter (it's like a 350-page book cut into three novellas sold at full book price to gouge more money out of fans) and goes to some crazy extremes in depravity. Straight up "I nearly dropped my heroin spoon while laughing at the dominatrix telling a guy to gently caress himself with his wife's hairbrush."

It's also going to be my first musical thread! He references his own songs constantly, down to clunky insertion of lyrics as dialogue or internal monologue, and his songs also reflect a lot of the negative aspects of him that weren't apparent until the reports of his crazy abusive behavior came out. Every chapter is going to have at least one song, sometimes more, that are relevant to the action and can be played along while you read. The effects vary from hilarious to disturbing.

* # ? Feb 7, 2020 19:07
  • Quote
Victorkm
Nov 25, 2001

 I think you should keep up with Twilight but just skip the entirety of Bella's pregnancy so you don't want to die as much. IIRC it gets a lot more enjoyable once that part is over.

* # ? Feb 8, 2020 05:05
  • Quote
chitoryu12
Apr 24, 2014

Victorkm posted:

I think you should keep up with Twilight but just skip the entirety of Bella's pregnancy so you don't want to die as much. IIRC it gets a lot more enjoyable once that part is over.

Knowing how Meyer writes, that segment will be at least 200 of the 756 pages.

I cannot stress enough that every single one of these books is longer than Dune and has effectively nothing to show for it.

* # ? Feb 8, 2020 06:03
  • Quote
Up Circle
Apr 3, 2008

chitoryu12 posted:

Knowing how Meyer writes, that segment will be at least 200 of the 756 pages.

I cannot stress enough that every single one of these books is longer than Dune and has effectively nothing to show for it.

Sorry that true love doesn't adhere to brevity!

* # ? Feb 8, 2020 11:19
  • Quote
Victorkm
Nov 25, 2001

chitoryu12 posted:

Knowing how Meyer writes, that segment will be at least 200 of the 756 pages.

I cannot stress enough that every single one of these books is longer than Dune and has effectively nothing to show for it.

Its almost half the book IIRC. It was definitely 90% of Breaking Dawn Part 1 in the movies.

* # ? Feb 8, 2020 13:24
  • Quote
HopperUK
Apr 29, 2007

Why would an ambulance be leaving the hospital?
 Bella is such a joyless rear end in a top hat. It's really wearing. Why would you write a protagonist who's so relentlessly hostile to anyone else in the books? She's not even nice to Edward.

* # ? Feb 8, 2020 14:18
  • Quote
Dawgstar
Jul 15, 2017

HopperUK posted:

Bella is such a joyless rear end in a top hat. It's really wearing. Why would you write a protagonist who's so relentlessly hostile to anyone else in the books? She's not even nice to Edward.

"I'm not like other girls" apparently means 'nobody would realistically stand to be in your presence for more than it takes to ask directions to anywhere else.'

* # ? Feb 8, 2020 23:16
  • Quote
chitoryu12
Apr 24, 2014

HopperUK posted:

Bella is such a joyless rear end in a top hat. It's really wearing. Why would you write a protagonist who's so relentlessly hostile to anyone else in the books? She's not even nice to Edward.

That’s what makes this so draining to read. Nobody is even fun. It’s just a book about lovely people being lovely to each other while the author tells you this is all normal and cool.

* # ? Feb 9, 2020 02:46
  • Quote
chitoryu12
Apr 24, 2014
Chapter 22: Fire and Ice

quote:

The wind shook the tent, and I shook with it.

The temperature was dropping. I could feel it through the down bag, through my jacket. I was fully dressed, my hiking boots still laced into place. It didn’t make any difference. How could it be so cold? How could it keep getting colder? It had to bottom out sometime, didn’t it?

Might not have been the best idea to trust the vampires who don't feel temperature on picking out good winter gear!

quote:

“W-w-w-w-w-what t-t-t-t-time is it?” I forced the words through my rattling teeth.

“Two,” Edward answered.

Edward sat as far from me as possible in the cramped space, afraid to even breathe on me when I was already so cold. It was too dark to see his face, but his voice was wild with worry, indecision, and frustration.

“Maybe…”

“No, I’m f-f-f-f-f-fine, r-r-r-really. I don’t w-w-w-want to g-go outside.”

He’d tried to talk me into making a run for it a dozen times already, but I was terrified of leaving my shelter. If it was this cold in here, protected from the raging wind, I could imagine how bad it would be if we were running through it.

And it would waste all our efforts this afternoon. Would we have enough time to reset ourselves when the storm was over? What if it didn’t end? It made no sense to move now. I could shiver my way through one night.

Our hero: currently freezing in a tent with two damaged hands, completely incapable of doing anything for the rest of the book.

quote:

I was worried that the trail I had laid would be lost, but he promised that it would still be plain to the coming monsters.

“What can I do?” he almost begged.

I just shook my head.

Out in the snow, Jacob whined unhappily.

“G-g-g-get out of h-h-h-ere,” I ordered, again.

“He’s just worried about you,” Edward translated. “He’s fine. His body is equipped to deal with this.”

“H-h-h-h-h-h.” I wanted to say that he should still leave, but I couldn’t get it past my teeth. I nearly bit my tongue off trying. At least Jacob did seem to be well equipped for the snow, better even than the others in his pack with his thicker, longer, shaggy russet fur. I wondered why that was.

At first I didn't realize that Jacob was in his wolf form and thought he was just standing half-naked outside their tent, groaning like a bored teenager.

quote:

Jacob whimpered, a high-pitched, grating sound of complaint.

“What do you want me to do?” Edward growled, too anxious to bother with politeness anymore. “Carry her through that? I don’t see you making yourself useful. Why don’t you go fetch a space heater or something?”

“I’m ok-k-k-k-k-k-kay,” I protested. Judging from Edward’s groan and the muted growl outside the tent, I hadn’t convinced anyone. The wind rocked the tent roughly, and I shuddered in harmony with it.

A sudden howl ripped through the roar of the wind, and I covered my ears against the noise. Edward scowled.

“That was hardly necessary,” he muttered. “And that’s the worst idea I’ve ever heard,” he called more loudly.

“Better than anything you’ve come up with,” Jacob answered, his human voice startling me. “Go fetch a space heater,” he grumbled. “I’m not a St. Bernard.”

You should fetch some brandy instead!

For me. I need it to finish this book.

quote:

I heard the sound of the zipper around the tent door pulling swiftly down. Jacob slid through the smallest opening he could manage, while the arctic air flowed in around him, a few flecks of snow falling to the floor of the tent. I shivered so hard it was a convulsion.

“I don’t like this,” Edward hissed as Jake zipped the tent door shut. “Just give her the coat and get out.”

My eyes were adjusted enough to see shapes—Jacob was carrying the parka that had been hanging on a tree next to the tent.

I tried to ask what they were talking about, but all that came out of my mouth was, “W-w-w-w-w-w,” as the shivering made me stutter uncontrollably.

Seriously, I've been in below-freezing conditions plenty of times and I've never once been so cold that I couldn't even talk. How loving thin are her clothes that she's about to die of hypothermia?

quote:

“The parka’s for tomorrow—she’s too cold to warm it up by herself. It’s frozen.” He dropped it by the door. “You said she needed a space heater, and here I am.” Jacob held his arms as wide as the tent allowed. As usual, when he’d been running around as a wolf, he’d only thrown on the bare essentials—just a pair of sweats, no shirt, no shoes.

Is this some fetish thing for Meyer?

quote:

“J-J-J-J-Jake, you’ll f-f-f-freez-z-z-ze,” I tried to complain.

“Not me,” he said cheerfully. “I run at a toasty one-oh-eight point nine these days. I’ll have you sweating in no time.”

Edward snarled, but Jacob didn’t even look at him. Instead, he crawled to my side and started unzipping my sleeping bag.

Edward’s hand was suddenly hard on his shoulder, restraining, snow white against the dark skin. Jacob’s jaw clenched, his nostrils flaring, his body recoiling from the cold touch. The long muscles in his arms flexed automatically.

“Get your hand off of me,” he growled through his teeth.

“Keep your hands off of her,” Edward answered blackly.

“D-d-d-don’t f-f-f-f-fight,” I pleaded. Another tremor rocked through me. It felt like my teeth were going to shatter, they were slamming together so hard.

Normally this would be embarrassingly juvenile, but Jacob is a sexual predator.

quote:

“I’m sure she’ll thank you for this when her toes turn black and drop off,” Jacob snapped.

Edward hesitated, then his hand fell away and he slid back to his position in the corner.

His voice was flat and frightening. “Watch yourself.”

Jacob chuckled. “Scoot over, Bella,” he said, zipping the sleeping bag open farther.

I stared at him in outrage. No wonder Edward was reacting this way.

“N-n-n-n-n,” I tried to protest.

“Don’t be stupid,” he said, exasperated. “Don’t you like having ten toes?”

He crammed his body into the nonexistent space, forcing the zipper up behind himself.

This is making me uncomfortable.

quote:

And then I couldn’t object—I didn’t want to anymore. He was so warm. His arms constricted around me, holding me snugly against his bare chest. The heat was irresistible, like air after being underwater for too long. He cringed when I pressed my icy fingers eagerly against his skin.

“Jeez, you’re freezing, Bella,” he complained.

“S-s-s-s-sorry,” I stuttered.

“Try to relax,” he suggested as another shiver rippled through me violently. “You’ll be warm in a minute. Of course, you’d warm up faster if you took your clothes off.”

Edward growled sharply.

“That’s just a simple fact,” Jacob defended himself. “Survival one-oh-one.”

While true, gently caress off.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Vs2DOfnZ2vg

quote:

“C-c-cut it out, Jake,” I said angrily, though my body refused to even try to pull away from him. “N-n-n-nobody really n-n-n-n-needs all ten t-t-t-toes.”

“Don’t worry about the bloodsucker,” Jacob suggested, and his tone was smug. “He’s just jealous.”

“Of course I am.” Edward’s voice was velvet again, under control, a musical murmur in the darkness. “You don’t have the faintest idea how much I wish I could do what you’re doing for her, mongrel.”

“Those are the breaks,” Jacob said lightly, but then his tone soured. “At least you know she wishes it was you.”

“True,” Edward agreed.

The shuddering slowed, became bearable while they wrangled.

"Wrangled"?

quote:

“There,” Jacob said, pleased. “Feeling better?"

I was finally able to speak clearly. “Yes.”

“Your lips are still blue,” he mused. “Want me to warm those up for you, too? You only have to ask.”

Edward sighed heavily.

“Behave yourself,” I muttered, pressing my face against his shoulder. He flinched again when my cold skin touched his, and I smiled with slightly vindictive satisfaction.

It takes a special level of audacious to openly reference your prior sexual assault while taking advantage of this situation in front of her fiancee.

quote:

It was already warm and snug inside the sleeping bag. Jacob’s body heat seemed to radiate from every side—maybe because there was so much of him. I kicked my boots off, and pushed my toes against his legs. He jumped slightly, and then leaned his head down to press his hot cheek against my numb ear.

I noticed that Jacob’s skin had a woodsy, musky scent—it fit the setting, here in the middle of the forest. It was nice. I wondered if the Cullens and the Quileutes weren’t just playing up that whole odor issue because of their prejudices. Everyone smelled fine to me.

Jacob put on cologne. He planned this.

quote:

The storm howled like an animal attacking the tent, but it didn’t worry me now. Jacob was out of the cold, and so was I. Plus, I was simply too exhausted to worry about anything—tired from just staying awake so late, and aching from the muscle spasms. My body relaxed slowly as I thawed, piece by frozen piece, and then turned limp.

“Jake?” I mumbled sleepily. “Can I ask you something? I’m not trying to be a jerk or anything, I’m honestly curious.” They were the same words he’d used in my kitchen… how long ago was it now?

“Sure,” he chuckled, remembering.

“Why are you so much furrier than your friends? You don’t have to answer if I’m being rude.” I didn’t know the rules for etiquette as they applied to werewolf culture.

"Bella, let me introduce you to something called DeviantArt."

quote:

“Because my hair is longer,” he said, amused—my question hadn’t offended him, at least. He shook his head so that his unkempt hair—grown out to his chin now—tickled my cheek.

“Oh.” I was surprised, but it made sense. So that was why they’d all cropped their hair in the beginning, when they joined the pack. “Then why don’t you cut it? Do you like to be shaggy?”

He didn’t answer right away this time, and Edward laughed under his breath.

“Sorry,” I said, pausing to yawn. “I didn’t mean to pry. You don’t have to tell me.”

Jacob made an annoyed sound. “Oh, he’ll tell you anyway, so I might as well.… I was growing my hair out because… it seemed like you liked it better long.”

“Oh.” I felt awkward. “I, er, like it both ways, Jake. You don’t need to be… inconvenienced.”

He shrugged. “Turns out it was very convenient tonight, so don’t worry about it.”

"It also makes me look like the hot Native American stereotype the author envisioned!"

quote:

I didn’t have anything else to say. As the silence lengthened, my eyelids drooped and shut, and my breathing grew slower, more even.

“That’s right, honey, go to sleep,” Jacob whispered.

I sighed, content, already half-unconscious.

“Seth is here,” Edward muttered to Jacob, and I suddenly understood the point of the howling.

“Perfect. Now you can keep an eye on everything else, while I take care of your girlfriend for you.”

Edward didn’t answer, but I groaned groggily. “Stop it,” I muttered.

Just no shame at all.

quote:

It was quiet then, inside at least. Outside, the wind shrieked insanely through the trees. The shimmying of the tent made it hard to sleep. The poles would suddenly jerk and quiver, pulling me back from the edge of unconsciousness each time I was close to slipping under. I felt so bad for the wolf, the boy that was stuck outside in the snow.

My mind wandered as I waited for sleep to find me. This warm little space made me think of the early days with Jacob, and I remembered how it used to be when he was my replacement sun, the warmth that made my empty life livable. It had been a while since I’d thought of Jake that way, but here he was, warming me again.

“Please!” Edward hissed. “Do you mind!”

“What?” Jacob whispered back, his tone surprised.

“Do you think you could attempt to control your thoughts?” Edward’s low whisper was furious.

“No one said you had to listen,” Jacob muttered, defiant, yet still embarrassed. “Get out of my head.”

“I wish I could. You have no idea how loud your little fantasies are. It’s like you’re shouting them at me.”

Jacob just yelling his sex tape with Bella into Edward's brain.

quote:

“I’ll try to keep it down,” Jacob whispered sarcastically.

There was a brief moment of silence.

“Yes,” Edward answered an unspoken thought in a murmur so low I barely made it out. “I’m jealous of that, too.”

“I figured it was like that,” Jacob whispered smugly. “Sort of evens the playing field up a little, doesn’t it?”

Edward chuckled. “In your dreams.”

“You know, she could still change her mind,” Jacob taunted him. “Considering all the things I could do with her that you can’t. At least, not without killing her, that is.”

I feel like I shouldn't be in here while this is happening.

quote:

“Go to sleep, Jacob,” Edward murmured. “You’re starting to get on my nerves.”

“I think I will. I’m really very comfortable.”

Edward didn’t answer.

I was too far gone to ask them to stop talking about me like I wasn’t there. The conversation had taken on a dreamlike quality to me, and I wasn’t sure I was really awake.

Imagine writing a conversation so uncomfortable that your own characters can't believe this poo poo is happening right in front of them.

quote:

“Maybe I would,” Edward said after a moment, answering a question I hadn’t heard.

“But would you be honest?”

“You can always ask and see.” Edward’s tone made me wonder if I was missing out on a joke.

“Well, you see inside my head—let me see inside yours tonight, it’s only fair,” Jacob said.

“Your head is full of questions. Which one do you want me to answer?”

“The jealousy… it has to be eating at you. You can’t be as sure of yourself as you seem. Unless you have no emotions at all.”

“Of course it is,” Edward agreed, no longer amused. “Right now it’s so bad that I can barely control my voice. Of course, it’s even worse when she’s away from me, with you, and I can’t see her.”

Remember that Edward is always one bad moment away from snapping! No matter what it's about!

quote:

“Do you think about it all the time?” Jacob whispered. “Does it make it hard to concentrate when she’s not with you?”

“Yes and no,” Edward said; he seemed determined to answer honestly. “My mind doesn’t work quite the same as yours. I can think of many more things at one time. Of course, that means that I’m always able to think of you, always able to wonder if that’s where her mind is, when she’s quiet and thoughtful.”

They were both still for a minute.

“Yes, I would guess that she thinks about you often,” Edward murmured in response to Jacob’s thoughts. “More often than I like. She worries that you’re unhappy. Not that you don’t know that. Not that you don’t use that.”

“I have to use whatever I can,” Jacob muttered. “I’m not working with your advantages—advantages like her knowing she’s in love with you.”

“That helps,” Edward agreed in a mild tone.

Just loudly, obnoxiously inserting yourself into an engaged couple's lives to try and get her to gently caress you.

quote:

Jacob was defiant. “She’s in love with me, too, you know.”

Edward didn’t answer.

Jacob sighed. “But she doesn’t know it.”

“I can’t tell you if you’re right.”

But...she's never shown any romantic interest in him? Aside from one time where she started thinking of him as a spare in New Moon, she's always alternated between treating him as a friend and getting mad at him repeatedly crossing boundaries and assaulting her. Their whole relationship just has the dynamic of a girl dealing with that one creepy "nice guy" who keeps trying to kiss her while they talk at night and getting upset that she won't break up with her boyfriend.

quote:

“Does that bother you? Do you wish you could see what she’s thinking, too?”

“Yes… and no, again. She likes it better this way, and, though it sometimes drives me insane, I’d rather she was happy.”

The wind ripped around the tent, shaking it like an earthquake. Jacob’s arms tightened around me protectively.

“Thank you,” Edward whispered. “Odd as this might sound, I suppose I’m glad you’re here, Jacob.”

“You mean, ‘as much as I’d love to kill you, I’m glad she’s warm,’ right?”

“It’s an uncomfortable truce, isn’t it?”

Very uncomfortable.

quote:

Jacob’s whisper was suddenly smug. “I knew you were just as crazy jealous as I am.”

“I’m not such a fool as to wear it on my sleeve like you do. It doesn’t help your case, you know.”

“You have more patience than I do.”

“I should. I’ve had a hundred years to gain it. A hundred years of waiting for her.”

“So… at what point did you decide to play the very patient good guy?”

“When I saw how much it was hurting her to make her choose. It’s not usually this difficult to control. I can smother the… less civilized feelings I may have for you fairly easily most of the time. Sometimes I think she sees through me, but I can’t be sure.”

This isn't the first time Meyer has used the "Bella pretends to be asleep while people talk about her" device, and it's once again showing the faults of her first-person narrative for the type of story she wants. If you're going to write in first-person, you need to make sure the story is crafted for that POV from the start because of its inherent limitations. You need a character who can be deeply involved in the plot and can either witness important events themselves or uncover the truth behind them in an organic, interesting way. While the perspective choice wasn't a huge deal in Twilight because that story was almost entirely about Bella's experience, expanding to a more complex plot has crippled the pacing of the story. In order to get the scenes she wants, Meyer has resorted to awkward devices like Bella eavesdropping, vampires reciting century-old memories with fully acted out dialogue like they're reading a script, and Bella being dragged around like a camera wherever she needs to witness something.

This story would work much better as an ensemble piece that changes point of view when necessary (and, you know, having a good writer instead). The movies end up telling the story of Twilight much better because they actually change perspective when necessary, including showing James's coven in the first film before they ever meet the Cullens playing baseball (which establishes them as existing as a potential threat instead of just appearing out of nowhere) and repeatedly flashing to Seattle to show Victoria's creation of her newborn army and their plan for their attack (which is both more interesting than Bella being told about it and establishes parallel events building up to the climax when both sides meet). It also allows the flashbacks to be actual flashbacks and inserts new scenes like the death of Harry Clearwater to make it more meaningful than a random background character passing away for no reason somewhere else.

quote:

“I think you were just worried that if you really forced her to choose, she might not choose you.”

Edward didn’t answer right away. “That was a part of it,” he finally admitted. “But only a small part. We all have our moments of doubt. Mostly I was worried that she’d hurt herself trying to sneak away to see you. After I’d accepted that she was more or less safe with you—as safe as Bella ever is—it seemed best to stop driving her to extremes.”

Jacob sighed. “I’d tell her all of this, but she’d never believe me.”

“I know.” It sounded like Edward was smiling.

“You think you know everything,” Jacob muttered.

“I don’t know the future,” Edward said, his voice suddenly unsure.

There was a long pause.

“What would you do if she changed her mind?” Jacob asked.

“I don’t know that either.”

Jacob chuckled quietly. “Would you try to kill me?” Sarcastic again, as if doubting Edward’s ability to do it.

“No.”

“Why not?” Jacob’s tone was still jeering.

“Do you really think I would hurt her that way?”

Jacob hesitated for a second, and then sighed. “Yeah, you’re right. I know that’s right. But sometimes…”

“Sometimes it’s an intriguing idea.”

Like right now?

quote:

Jacob pressed his face into the sleeping bag to muffle his laughter. “Exactly,” he eventually agreed.

What a strange dream this was. I wondered if it was the relentless wind that made me imagine all the whispering. Only the wind was screaming rather than whispering…

I'm gonna be really mad if this is all just an excuse for Bella to assume the conversation was a dream and never bring it up. Again, this is why the movie had this scene take place with Bella actually asleep. It wasn't beholden to her point of view, so they could just have her legitimately not know it's going on and still show Edward and Jacob talking.

quote:

“What is it like? Losing her?” Jacob asked after a quiet moment, and there was no hint of humor in his suddenly hoarse voice. “When you thought that you’d lost her forever? How did you… cope?”

“That’s very difficult for me to talk about.”

Jacob waited.

“There were two different times that I thought that.” Edward spoke each word just a little slower than normal. “The first time, when I thought I could leave her… that was… almost bearable. Because I thought she would forget me and it would be like I hadn’t touched her life. For over six months I was able to stay away, to keep my promise that I wouldn’t interfere again. It was getting close—I was fighting but I knew I wasn’t going to win; I would have come back… just to check on her. That’s what I would have told myself, anyway. And if I’d found her reasonably happy… I like to think that I could have gone away again.

“But she wasn’t happy. And I would have stayed. That’s how she convinced me to stay with her tomorrow, of course. You were wondering about that before, what could possibly motivate me… what she was feeling so needlessly guilty about. She reminded me of what it did to her when I left—what it still does to her when I leave. She feels horrible about bringing that up, but she’s right. I’ll never be able to make up for that, but I’ll never stop trying anyway.”

Just a reminder that everything that happened with the Volturi didn't need to if Bella had just not been a goddamn lunatic who flung herself off a cliff during a storm to satisfy her bizarre urge to hallucinate her ex. She was probably weeks away from Edward just coming back, apologizing, and everyone going on with their lives.

quote:

Jacob didn’t respond for a moment, listening to the storm or digesting what he’d heard, I didn’t know which. “And the other time—when you thought she was dead?” Jacob whispered roughly.

“Yes.” Edward answered a different question. “It will probably feel like that to you, won’t it? The way you perceive us, you might not be able to see her as Bella anymore. But that’s who she’ll be.”

“That’s not what I asked.”

Edward’s voice came back fast and hard. “I can’t tell you how it felt. There aren’t words.”

Jacob’s arms flexed around me.

“But you left because you didn’t want to make her a bloodsucker. You want her to be human.”

Edward spoke slowly. “Jacob, from the second that I realized that I loved her, I knew there were only four possibilities. The first alternative, the best one for Bella, would be if she didn’t feel as strongly for me—if she got over me and moved on. I would accept that, though it would never change the way I felt. You think of me as a… living stone—hard and cold. That’s true. We are set the way we are, and it is very rare for us to experience a real change. When that happens, as when Bella entered my life, it is a permanent change. There’s no going back.…

“The second alternative, the one I’d originally chosen, was to stay with her throughout her human life. It wasn’t a good option for her, to waste her life with someone who couldn’t be human with her, but it was the alternative I could most easily face. Knowing all along that, when she died, I would find a way to die, too. Sixty years, seventy years—it would seem like a very, very short time to me.… But then it proved much too dangerous for her to live in such close proximity with my world. It seemed like everything that could go wrong did. Or hung over us… waiting to go wrong. I was terrified that I wouldn’t get those sixty years if I stayed near her while she was human.

“So I chose option three. Which turned out to be the worst mistake of my very long life, as you know. I chose to take myself out of her world, hoping to force her into the first alternative. It didn’t work, and it very nearly killed us both.

“What do I have left but the fourth option? It’s what she wants—at least, she thinks she does. I’ve been trying to delay her, to give her time to find a reason to change her mind, but she’s very… stubborn. You know that. I’ll be lucky to stretch this out a few more months. She has a horror of getting older, and her birthday is in September.…”

Knowing her, she'll probably shoot herself in the chest right in front of Carlisle if she has to.

quote:

“I like option one,” Jacob muttered.

Edward didn’t respond.

“You know exactly how much I hate to accept this,” Jacob whispered slowly, “but I can see that you do love her… in your way. I can’t argue with that anymore.

“Given that, I don’t think you should give up on the first alternative, not yet. I think there’s a very good chance that she would be okay. After time. You know, if she hadn’t jumped off a cliff in March… and if you’d waited another six months to check on her.… Well, you might have found her reasonably happy. I had a game plan.”

Doubtful, as Bella by that point had only been considering Jacob as a poor alternative and had relegated herself to never being whole again without Edward. I can't tell if we're meant to actually think Jacob is wrong in his interpretation or if Meyer just forgot what she wrote before.

quote:

Edward chuckled. “Maybe it would have worked. It was a well thought-out plan.”

“Yeah.” Jake sighed. “But…,” suddenly he was whispering so fast the words got tangled, “give me a year, bl—Edward. I really think I could make her happy. She’s stubborn, no one knows that better than I do, but she’s capable of healing. She would have healed before. And she could be human, with Charlie and Renée, and she could grow up, and have kids and… be Bella.

“You love her enough that you have to see the advantages of that plan. She thinks you’re very unselfish… are you really? Can you consider the idea that I might be better for her than you are?”

Unselfish? The guy who had his family work to keep her locked away from the Wolf Pack and sabotaged her truck out of controlling paranoia?

quote:

“I have considered it,” Edward answered quietly. “In some ways, you would be better suited for her than another human. Bella takes some looking after, and you’re strong enough that you could protect her from herself, and from everything that conspires against her. You have done that already, and I’ll owe you for that for as long as I live—forever—whichever comes first.…

“I even asked Alice if she could see that—see if Bella would be better off with you. She couldn’t, of course. She can’t see you, and then Bella’s sure of her course, for now.

“But I’m not stupid enough to make the same mistake I made before, Jacob. I won’t try to force her into that first option again. As long as she wants me, I’m here.”

This would mean a lot more if Meyer hadn't made it so obvious who would win the love triangle. Edward was the only love interest in the first book, and Jacob got a few hints but was ultimately discarded by Bella in the second. Now we have Bella engaged to Edward and Jacob just sort of being a pushy, creepy rear end in a top hat about his crush on her while Bella shows little to no interest in him beyond friendship.

If Meyer legitimately wanted there to be a mystery or conflict about who she would choose, she's written herself into a corner: Bella choosing Edward is the obvious choice, while Bella choosing Jacob would seem abrupt and confusing while pissing off any fans who have been there from the beginning and like Edward. If she didn't want there to be any actual mystery about how this would end, then it's just her spinning her wheels and filling up pages with ultimately meaningless bullshit as usual.

quote:

“And if she were to decide that she wanted me?” Jacob challenged. “Okay, it’s a long shot, I’ll give you that.”

“I would let her go.”

“Just like that?”

“In the sense that I’d never show her how hard it was for me, yes. But I would keep watch. You see, Jacob, you might leave her someday. Like Sam and Emily, you wouldn’t have a choice. I would always be waiting in the wings, hoping for that to happen.”

AU where Bella chooses Jacob and Edward is just hanging in the background of every scene, hiding in trees or watching from his Volvo. Disguising himself as a barista in Seattle and staring uncomfortably at her when she orders a macchiato.

quote:

Jacob snorted quietly. “Well, you’ve been much more honest than I had any right to expect… Edward. Thanks for letting me in your head.”

“As I said, I’m feeling oddly grateful for your presence in her life tonight. It was the least I could do.… You know, Jacob, if it weren’t for the fact that we’re natural enemies and that you’re also trying to steal away the reason for my existence, I might actually like you.”

“Maybe… if you weren’t a disgusting vampire who was planning to suck out the life of the girl I love… well, no, not even then.”

Edward chuckled.

“Can I ask you something?” Edward said after a moment.

“Why would you have to ask?”

“I can only hear if you think of it. It’s just a story that Bella seemed reluctant to tell me about the other day. Something about a third wife…?”

“What about it?”

Edward didn’t answer, listening to the story in Jacob’s head. I heard his low hiss in the darkness.

“What?” Jacob demanded again.

“Of course,” Edward seethed. “Of course! I rather wish your elders had kept that story to themselves, Jacob.”

“You don’t like the leeches being painted as the bad guys?” Jacob mocked. “You know, they are. Then and now.”

“I really couldn’t care less about that part. Can’t you guess which character Bella would identify with?”

It took Jacob a minute. “Oh. Ugh. The third wife. Okay, I see your point.”

I can't get over how much Bella's plan to sacrifice herself gets dunked on in this book. She truly is the most useless person.

quote:

“She wants to be there in the clearing. To do what little she can, as she puts it.” He sighed. “That was the secondary reason for my staying with her tomorrow. She’s quite inventive when she wants something.”

“You know, your military brother gave her the idea just as much as the story did.”

“Neither side meant any harm,” Edward whispered, peace-making now.

“And when does this little truce end?” Jacob asked. “First light? Or do we wait until after the fight?”

There was a pause as they both considered.

“First light,” they whispered together, and then laughed quietly.

“Sleep well, Jacob,” Edward murmured. “Enjoy the moment.”

"And your disgusting fantasies with my fiancee blaring in my head."

quote:

It was quiet again, and the tent held still for a few minutes. The wind seemed to have decided that it wasn’t going to flatten us after all, and was giving up the fight.

Edward groaned softly. “I didn’t mean that quite so literally.”

“Sorry,” Jacob whispered. “You could leave, you know—give us a little privacy.”

Oh my God

quote:

“Would you like me to help you sleep, Jacob?” Edward offered.

“You could try,” Jacob said, unconcerned. “It would be interesting to see who walked away, wouldn’t it?”

“Don’t tempt me too far, wolf. My patience isn’t that perfect.”

And yet another fanfic is born.

quote:

Jacob whispered a laugh. “I’d rather not move just now, if you don’t mind.”

Edward started humming to himself, louder than usual—trying to drown out Jacob’s thoughts, I assumed. But it was my lullaby he hummed, and, despite my growing discomfort with this whispered dream, I sank deeper into unconsciousness… into other dreams that made better sense.…
* # ? Feb 10, 2020 17:33
  • Quote
chitoryu12
Apr 24, 2014

* # ? Feb 11, 2020 07:17
  • Quote
PetraCore
Jul 20, 2017

👁️🔥👁️👁️👁️BE NOT👄AFRAID👁️👁️👁️🔥👁️

chitoryu12 posted:



The wedding ring used in the film was mostly accurate, with a rhodium finish on the 14kt gold band and 69 cubic zirconia stones (no need to use real diamonds for costume jewelry). While the ring itself is relatively low value as jewelry, it sold at auction for $16,800 in 2016 at an auction that included over 900 other props and costume pieces, including Edward's journal, the Volturi throne, and the costume Kristen Stewart wore on Bella's first day of school. Replica rings are available cheaply on AliExpress if you feel a sudden urge to cosplay.
Okay, so, apparently rings of the sort Smeyer described were in vogue in the 1890s, when I'm presuming Eddie Sr. and Elizabeth got married... but they didn't much look like the movie version. Instead it was more like



Mostly posting because while I don't hate the look of the movie version and I get what I think they were going for with it mimicking vampire skin, it also doesn't go at all with the supposed backstory. That's a hyper modern looking ring. There were a lot of ways they could have gone with something similar that actually fit the time period. Something like this one seems to be exactly what Meyer was describing, down to an unusual oval setting and rows of diamonds instead of a circular cluster.



EDIT: I'm not even a Twilight fan! I looked it up because the description didn't sound very '1890s' to me and I was immediately proven wrong, but then all the period-appropriate rings look way different than the one from the movies.

PetraCore fucked around with this message at 01:37 on Feb 12, 2020

* # ? Feb 12, 2020 01:29
  • Quote
chitoryu12
Apr 24, 2014

PetraCore posted:

Okay, so, apparently rings of the sort Smeyer described were in vogue in the 1890s, when I'm presuming Eddie Sr. and Elizabeth got married... but they didn't much look like the movie version. Instead it was more like



Mostly posting because while I don't hate the look of the movie version and I get what I think they were going for with it mimicking vampire skin, it also doesn't go at all with the supposed backstory. That's a hyper modern looking ring. There were a lot of ways they could have gone with something similar that actually fit the time period. Something like this one seems to be exactly what Meyer was describing, down to an unusual oval setting and rows of diamonds instead of a circular cluster.



EDIT: I'm not even a Twilight fan! I looked it up because the description didn't sound very '1890s' to me and I was immediately proven wrong, but then all the period-appropriate rings look way different than the one from the movies.

That's cool! I'm legitimately surprised that Meyer seems to have based the ring off an authentic period design. Somehow she gets drat near everything else about the book wrong, but she gets this right.

* # ? Feb 12, 2020 02:19
  • Quote
PetraCore
Jul 20, 2017

👁️🔥👁️👁️👁️BE NOT👄AFRAID👁️👁️👁️🔥👁️

chitoryu12 posted:

That's cool! I'm legitimately surprised that Meyer seems to have based the ring off an authentic period design. Somehow she gets drat near everything else about the book wrong, but she gets this right.
I wonder if she based it off a specific ring or what. I think the movie design is gaudy but, well, fitting for the characters (although in practical terms those tiny diamonds would be falling out constantly, esp with the stuff the vampires get up to). I just think this period-appropriate design has a lot of character and it'd be cool if something more like that had been used.

* # ? Feb 12, 2020 04:42
  • Quote
PetraCore
Jul 20, 2017

👁️🔥👁️👁️👁️BE NOT👄AFRAID👁️👁️👁️🔥👁️

 Also, as problematic as literally all the romance stuff with Bella is, Bella being super horned up for Edward is the one thing I have no problems with, as awkward as it is to read. It's funny because it feels like Bella is written like what Meyer thinks a modern atheist teen girl is like in some respects (ewwww marriage! Housewives are dumb! This is the 21st century! Presents? No thanks!!!) and yet there's also a bunch of stuff like the whole... khaki skirt bit. But anyway, Meyer definitely gets religious with Edward's objections and also how it's implied Edward never got attracted to anyone before Bella (remember how apparently Esme was worried he was turned 'too early' because he's so chaste???), but Bella considering sex part of a relationship and not something to be ashamed about is definitely not the worst message in the books, and I also didn't mind how bruised and battered she is on their honeymoon because jokes about a danger fetish aside, it's consensual and something she went into 100% informed about and wanted anyways.

I mean, there are so many other things to judge these books for, anyway.

* # ? Feb 12, 2020 04:50
  • Quote
Dienes
Nov 4, 2009

dee
doot doot dee
doot doot doot
doot doot dee
dee doot doot
doot doot dee
dee doot doot

College Slice

PetraCore posted:

Also, as problematic as literally all the romance stuff with Bella is, Bella being super horned up for Edward is the one thing I have no problems with, as awkward as it is to read. It's funny because it feels like Bella is written like what Meyer thinks a modern atheist teen girl is like in some respects (ewwww marriage! Housewives are dumb! This is the 21st century! Presents? No thanks!!!) and yet there's also a bunch of stuff like the whole... khaki skirt bit. But anyway, Meyer definitely gets religious with Edward's objections and also how it's implied Edward never got attracted to anyone before Bella (remember how apparently Esme was worried he was turned 'too early' because he's so chaste???), but Bella considering sex part of a relationship and not something to be ashamed about is definitely not the worst message in the books, and I also didn't mind how bruised and battered she is on their honeymoon because jokes about a danger fetish aside, it's consensual and something she went into 100% informed about and wanted anyways.

I mean, there are so many other things to judge these books for, anyway.

While she's 100% informed, I don't think Bella displays actual understanding of the risks and their consequences. I think one might even be able to argue that as horrified as Edward is of her injuries afterward that she coerced him into sexual activity he was uncomfortable with.

* # ? Feb 12, 2020 14:58
  • Quote
PetraCore
Jul 20, 2017

👁️🔥👁️👁️👁️BE NOT👄AFRAID👁️👁️👁️🔥👁️

Dienes posted:

While she's 100% informed, I don't think Bella displays actual understanding of the risks and their consequences. I think one might even be able to argue that as horrified as Edward is of her injuries afterward that she coerced him into sexual activity he was uncomfortable with.
That's fair. That said, spoiler stuff aside, Bella's an adrenaline junkie and a dipshit but also should have the agency to make those bad choices for herself, it's just unfortunate that the only area where she really displays agency ever is in putting herself in danger.

* # ? Feb 12, 2020 17:19
  • Quote
chitoryu12
Apr 24, 2014

PetraCore posted:

That's fair. That said, spoiler stuff aside, Bella's an adrenaline junkie and a dipshit but also should have the agency to make those bad choices for herself, it's just unfortunate that the only area where she really displays agency ever is in putting herself in danger.

She does it even when it's completely needless! She's tripping over her own feet trying to find an excuse to sacrifice herself for the vampires and werewolves here while they just roll their eyes at her.

* # ? Feb 12, 2020 18:00
  • Quote
chitoryu12
Apr 24, 2014
Chapter 23: Monster

I am very upset at this only being 3/4 of the way through the book.

quote:

When I woke up in the morning, it was very bright—even inside the tent, the sunlight hurt my eyes. And I was sweating, as Jacob had predicted. Jacob was snoring lightly in my ear, his arms still wrapped around me.

I pulled my head away from his feverishly warm chest and felt the sting of the cold morning on my clammy cheek. Jacob sighed in his sleep; his arms tightened unconsciously.

I squirmed, unable to loosen his hold, struggling to lift my head enough to see.…

Edward met my gaze evenly. His expression was calm, but the pain in his eyes was unconcealed.

Literally spent the entire night staring in rage at them.

quote:

“Is it any warmer out there?” I whispered.

“Yes. I don’t think the space heater will be necessary today.”

I tried to get to the zipper, but I couldn’t free my arms. I strained, fighting against Jacob’s inert strength. Jacob muttered, still fast asleep, his arms constricting again.

“Some help?” I asked quietly.

Edward smiled. “Did you want me to take his arms all the way off?”

“No, thank you. Just get me free. I’m going to get heat stroke.”

Edward unzipped the sleeping bag in a swift, abrupt movement. Jacob fell out, his bare back hitting the icy floor of the tent.

“Hey!” he complained, his eyes flying open. Instinctively, he flinched away from the cold, rolling onto me. I gasped as his weight knocked the breath out of me.

And then his weight was gone. I felt the impact as Jacob flew into one of the tent poles and the tent shuddered.

The growling erupted from all around. Edward was crouching in front of me, and I couldn’t see his face, but the snarls were ripping angrily out of his chest. Jacob was half-crouched, too, his whole body quivering, while growls rumbled through his clenched teeth. Outside the tent, Seth Clearwater’s vicious snarls echoed off the rocks.

You have to be loving kidding me.

quote:

“Stop it, stop it!” I yelled, scrambling awkwardly to put myself between them. The space was so small that I didn’t have to stretch far to put one hand on each of their chests. Edward wrapped his hand around my waist, ready to yank me out of the way.

“Stop it, now,” I warned him.

Under my touch, Jacob began to calm himself. The shaking slowed, but his teeth were still bared, his eyes furiously focused on Edward. Seth continued to growl, a long unbroken sound, a violent background to the sudden silence in the tent.

I can't even figure out which of these potential boyfriends is more dangerous for Bella to date.

quote:

“Jacob?” I asked, waiting until he finally dropped his glare to look at me. “Are you hurt?”

“Of course not!” he hissed.

I turned to Edward. He was looking at me, his expression hard and angry. “That wasn’t nice. You should say sorry.”

His eyes widened in disgust. “You must be joking—he was crushing you!”

“Because you dumped him on the floor! He didn’t do it on purpose, and he didn’t hurt me.”

Edward groaned, revolted. Slowly, he looked up to glare at Jacob with hostile eyes. “My apologies, dog.”

“No harm done,” Jacob said, a taunting edge to his voice.

They are both children with superpowers.

quote:

It was still cold, though not as cold as it had been. I curled my arms around my chest.

“Here,” Edward said, calm again. He took the parka off the floor and wrapped it over the top of my coat.

“That’s Jacob’s,” I objected.

“Jacob has a fur coat,” Edward hinted.

“I’ll just use the sleeping bag again, if you don’t mind.” Jacob ignored him, climbing around us and sliding into the down bag. “I wasn’t quite ready to wake up. That wasn’t the best night’s sleep I ever had.”

“It was your idea,” Edward said impassively.

Jacob was curled up, his eyes already closed. He yawned. “I didn’t say it wasn’t the best night I’ve ever spent. Just that I didn’t get a lot of sleep. I thought Bella was never going to shut up.”

I winced, wondering what might have come out of my mouth in my sleep. The possibilities were horrifying.

I'm surprised Edward didn't just rip the tent to shreds in the middle of the night.

quote:

“I’m glad you enjoyed yourself,” Edward murmured.

Jacob’s dark eyes fluttered open. “Didn’t you have a nice night, then?” he asked, smug.

“It wasn’t the worst night of my life.”

“Did it make the top ten?” Jacob asked with perverse enjoyment.

“Possibly.”

Jacob smiled and closed his eyes.

“But,” Edward went on, “if I had been able to take your place last night, it would not have made the top ten of the best nights of my life. Dream about that.”

Jacob’s eyes opened into a glare. He sat up stiffly, his shoulders tense.

“You know what? I think it’s too crowded in here.”

“I couldn’t agree more.”

Don't all of his nights just involve sitting in bed staring at Bella, doing nothing? How many top ten entries could you have?

quote:

I elbowed Edward in the ribs—probably giving myself a bruise.

“Guess I’ll catch up on my sleep later, then.” Jacob made a face. “I need to talk to Sam anyway.”

He rolled to his knees and grabbed the door’s zipper.

Pain crackled down my spine and lodged in my stomach as I abruptly realized that this could be the last time I would see him. He was going back to Sam, back to fight the horde of bloodthirsty newborn vampires.

“Jake, wait—” I reached after him, my hand sliding down his arm.

He jerked his arm away before my fingers could find purchase.

“Please, Jake? Won’t you stay?”

“No.”

The word was hard and cold. I knew my face gave away my pain, because he exhaled and half a smile softened his expression.

“Don’t worry about me, Bells. I’ll be fine, just like I always am.” He forced a laugh. “’Sides, you think I’m going to let Seth go in my place—have all the fun and steal all the glory? Right.” He snorted.

“Be careful—”

He shoved out of the tent before I could finish.

“Give it a rest, Bella,” I heard him mutter as he re-zipped the door.

I will never get tired of Bella getting the sad trombone every time she tries to freak out about this.

quote:

I listened for the sound of his retreating footsteps, but it was perfectly still. No more wind. I could hear morning birdsong far away on the mountain, and nothing else. Jacob moved in silence now.

I huddled in my coats, and leaned against Edward’s shoulder. We were quiet for a long time.

“How much longer?” I asked.

“Alice told Sam it should be an hour or so,” Edward said, soft and bleak.

And I bet Meyer will make us experience every goddamn second of that hour.

quote:

“We stay together. No matter what.”

“No matter what,” he agreed, his eyes tight.

“I know,” I said. “I’m terrified for them, too.”

“They know how to handle themselves,” Edward assured me, purposely making his voice light. “I just hate missing the fun.”

Again with the fun. My nostrils flared.

He put his arm around my shoulder. “Don’t worry,” he urged, and then he kissed my forehead.

They haven't had a good fight in what, a year? Let them exercise!

quote:

As if there was any way to avoid that. “Sure, sure.”

“Do you want me to distract you?” He breathed, running his cold fingers along my cheekbone.

I shivered involuntarily; the morning was still frosty.

“Maybe not right now,” he answered himself, pulling his hand away.

“There are other ways to distract me.”

“What would you like?”

“You could tell me about your ten best nights,” I suggested. “I’m curious.”

He laughed. “Try to guess.”

I shook my head. “There’re too many nights I don’t know about. A century of them.”

“I’ll narrow it down for you. All of my best nights have happened since I met you.”

“Really?”

“Yes, really—and by quite a wide margin, too.”

He really just spent nearly a century being an emo bastard, occasionally murdering by the dozen, before he found some 17-year-old girl to crush on. He's the least interesting vampire in the world.

quote:

I thought for a minute. “I can only think of mine,” I admitted.

“They might be the same,” he encouraged.

“Well, there was the first night. The night you stayed.”

“Yes, that’s one of mine, too. Of course, you were unconscious for my favorite part.”

“That’s right,” I remembered. “I was talking that night, too.”

“Yes,” he agreed.

My face got hot as I wondered again what I might have said while sleeping in Jacob’s arms. I couldn’t remember what I’d dreamed about, or if I’d dreamed at all, so that was no help.

“What did I say last night?” I whispered more quietly than before.

He shrugged instead of answering, and I winced.

“That bad?”

“Nothing too horrible,” he sighed.

"I just don't quite know what 'yiffing' is."

quote:

“Please tell me.”

“Mostly you said my name, the same as usual.”

“That’s not bad,” I agreed cautiously.

“Near the end, though, you started mumbling some nonsense about ‘Jacob, my Jacob.’” I could hear the pain, even in the whisper. “Your Jacob enjoyed that quite a lot.”

I stretched my neck up, straining to reach my lips to the edge of his jaw. I couldn’t see into his eyes. He was staring up at the ceiling of the tent.

“Sorry,” I murmured. “That’s just the way I differentiate.”

“Differentiate?”

“Between Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde. Between the Jacob I like and the one who annoys the hell out of me,” I explained.

I'd classify his behavior as something a bit above "annoying"!

quote:

“That makes sense.” He sounded slightly mollified. “Tell me another favorite night.”

“Flying home from Italy.”

He frowned.

“Is that not one of yours?” I wondered.

“No, it is one of mine, actually, but I’m surprised it’s on your list. Weren’t you under the ludicrous impression I was just acting from a guilty conscience, and I was going to bolt as soon as the plane doors opened?”

“Yes.” I smiled. “But, still, you were there.”

He kissed my hair. “You love me more than I deserve.”

The flight where they just stared at each other for 14 hours straight?

quote:

I laughed at the impossibility of that idea. “Next would be the night after Italy,” I continued.

“Yes, that’s on the list. You were so funny.”

“Funny?” I objected.

“I had no idea your dreams were so vivid. It took me forever to convince you that you were awake.”

That wasn't funny! That was annoying as hell!

quote:

“I’m still not sure,” I muttered. “You’ve always seemed more like a dream than reality. Tell me one of yours, now. Did I guess your first place?”

“No—that would be two nights ago, when you finally agreed to marry me.”

I made a face.

“That doesn’t make your list?”

I thought about the way he’d kissed me, the concession I’d gained, and changed my mind. “Yes… it does. But with reservations. I don’t understand why it’s so important to you. You already had me forever.”

“A hundred years from now, when you’ve gained enough perspective to really appreciate the answer, I will explain it to you.”

"We've lost all sense of time! We're barely human!"

quote:

“I’ll remind you to explain—in a hundred years.”

“Are you warm enough?” he asked suddenly.

“I’m fine,” I assured him. “Why?”

Before he could answer, the silence outside the tent was ripped apart by an earsplitting howl of pain. The sound ricocheted off the bare rock face of the mountain and filled the air so that it seared from every direction.

The howl tore through my mind like a tornado, both strange and familiar. Strange because I’d never heard such a tortured cry before. Familiar because I knew the voice at once—I recognized the sound and understood the meaning as perfectly as if I’d uttered it myself. It made no difference that Jacob was not human when he cried out. I needed no translation.

Jacob was close. Jacob had heard every word we’d said. Jacob was in agony.

The howl choked off into a peculiar gurgled sob, and then it was quiet again. I did not hear his silent escape, but I could feel it—I could feel the absence I had wrongly assumed before, the empty space he left behind.

“Because your space heater has reached his limit,” Edward answered quietly. “Truce over,” he added, so low I couldn’t be sure that was really what he’d said.

Once again, Jacob has never once been close to a romantic partner for Bella no matter how much he tries to push his way into their relationship. This is yet another "Nice Guy" moment that just makes him seem like an rear end in a top hat.

quote:

“Jacob was listening,” I whispered. It wasn’t a question.

“Yes.”

“You knew.”

“Yes.”

I stared at nothing, seeing nothing.

“I never promised to fight fair,” he reminded me quietly. “And he deserves to know.”

My head fell into my hands.

“Are you angry with me?” he asked.

“Not you,” I whispered. “I’m horrified at me.”

“Don’t torment yourself,” he pleaded.

“Yes,” I agreed bitterly. “I should save my energy to torment Jacob some more. I wouldn’t want to leave any part of him unharmed.”

This cast is all sorts of hosed up.

quote:

“He knew what he was doing.”

“Do you think that matters?” I was blinking back tears, and this was easy to hear in my voice. “Do you think I care whether it’s fair or whether he was adequately warned? I’m hurting him. Every time I turn around, I’m hurting him again.” My voice was getting louder, more hysterical. “I’m a hideous person.”

He wrapped his arms tightly around me. “No, you’re not.”

“I am! What’s wrong with me?” I struggled against his arms, and he let them drop. “I have to go find him.”

“Bella, he’s already miles away, and it’s cold.”

This is so perfectly like a common BPD freak-out that I just can't believe it's a coincidence in writing Bella.

quote:

“I don’t care. I can’t just sit here.” I shrugged off Jacob’s parka, shoved my feet into my boots, and crawled stiffly to the door; my legs felt numb. “I have to—I have to…” I didn’t know how to finish the sentence, didn’t know what there was to do, but I unzipped the door anyway, and climbed out into the bright, icy morning.

There was less snow than I would have thought after the fury of last night’s storm. Probably it had blown away rather than melted in the sun that now shone low in the southeast, glancing off the snow that lingered and stabbing at my unadjusted eyes. The air still had a bite to it, but it was dead calm and slowly becoming more seasonable as the sun rose higher.

Seth Clearwater was curled up on a patch of dry pine needles in the shadow of a thick spruce, his head on his paws. His sand-colored fur was almost invisible against the dead needles, but I could see the bright snow reflect off his open eyes. He was staring at me with what I imagined was an accusation.

The werewolves acting like regular dogs just eats away at any tension.

quote:

I knew Edward was following me as I stumbled toward the trees. I couldn’t hear him, but the sun reflected off his skin in glittering rainbows that danced ahead of me. He didn’t reach out to stop me until I was several paces into the forest shadows.

His hand caught my left wrist. He ignored it when I tried to yank myself free.

“You can’t go after him. Not today. It’s almost time. And getting yourself lost wouldn’t help anyone, regardless.”

I twisted my wrist, pulling uselessly.

“I’m sorry, Bella,” he whispered. “I’m sorry I did that.”

“You didn’t do anything. It’s my fault. I did this. I did everything wrong. I could have… When he… I shouldn’t have… I… I…” I was sobbing.

“Bella, Bella.”

His arms folded around me, and my tears soaked into his shirt.

“I should have—told him—I should—have said—” What? What could have made this right? “He shouldn’t have—found out like this.”

While Edward allowing Bella to talk about their engagement specifically to hurt Jacob when he eavesdrops is really hosed up, I also don't feel as bad as the book seems to think I should? He's right: Jacob did have to learn that she was engaged. He never had any right to involve himself in their relationship to the extent that he did, and pushed every button and boundary he could with his constant sexual harassment and molestation (which somehow got worse after he failed to imprint on Bella, basically a cosmic sign that they're not meant to be). This may not have been a tactful way of doing it, but Jacob throwing this kind of tantrum after learning that he really has lost his chance with her is entirely on him and it's neither Bella nor Edward's responsibility to solve his problems for him.

quote:

“Do you want me to see if I can bring him back, so that you can talk to him? There’s still a little time,” Edward murmured, hushed agony in his voice.

I nodded into his chest, afraid to see his face.

“Stay by the tent. I’ll be back soon.”

His arms disappeared. He left so quickly that, in the second it took me to look up, he was already gone. I was alone.

And once again, super speed ruins a moment. I can almost hear "Yakety Sax" playing as he disappears.

* # ? Feb 12, 2020 19:47
  • Quote
Up Circle
Apr 3, 2008
 I was going to gush about how much of a chad Jacob was being and then this chapter happened.

Meyer is so good at creating these contrived situations to try to make up for the lack of real tension. The only value they add is the unintentional humor, I guess. Do we know if she was aware of the fandom shipping wars before she came up with the sleeping bag idea?

* # ? Feb 13, 2020 00:47
  • Quote
chitoryu12
Apr 24, 2014

Up Circle posted:

I was going to gush about how much of a chad Jacob was being and then this chapter happened.

Meyer is so good at creating these contrived situations to try to make up for the lack of real tension. The only value they add is the unintentional humor, I guess. Do we know if she was aware of the fandom shipping wars before she came up with the sleeping bag idea?

I’m not even sure what the fandom was like this early. Eclipse was released in 2007, a year before the first movie.

* # ? Feb 13, 2020 00:56
  • Quote
chitoryu12
Apr 24, 2014

quote:

A new sob broke from my chest. I was hurting everyone today. Was there anything I touched that didn’t get spoiled?

I didn’t know why it was hitting me so hard now. It wasn’t like I hadn’t known this was coming all along. But Jacob had never reacted so strongly—lost his bold overconfidence and shown the intensity of his pain. The sound of his agony still cut at me, somewhere deep in my chest. Right beside it was the other pain. Pain for feeling pain over Jacob. Pain for hurting Edward, too. For not being able to watch Jacob go with composure, knowing that it was the right thing, the only way.

I was selfish, I was hurtful. I tortured the ones I loved.

I was like Cathy, like Wuthering Heights, only my options were so much better than hers, neither one evil, neither one weak. And here I sat, crying about it, not doing anything productive to make it right. Just like Cathy.

I'm sure she won't find a way to somehow make it worse instead!

quote:

I couldn’t allow what hurt me to influence my decisions anymore. It was too little, much too late, but I had to do what was right now. Maybe it was already done for me. Maybe Edward would not be able to bring him back. And then I would accept that and get on with my life. Edward would never see me shed another tear for Jacob Black. There would be no more tears. I wiped the last of them away with cold fingers now.

But if Edward did return with Jacob, that was it. I had to tell him to go away and never come back.

Why was that so hard? So very much more difficult than saying goodbye to my other friends, to Angela, to Mike? Why did that hurt? It wasn’t right. That shouldn’t be able to hurt me. I had what I wanted. I couldn’t have them both, because Jacob could not be just my friend. It was time to give up wishing for that. How ridiculously greedy could any one person be?

We are now at multiple pages of Bella sobbing about how she's a terrible destructive person.

quote:

I had to get over this irrational feeling that Jacob belonged in my life. He couldn’t belong with me, could not be my Jacob, when I belonged to someone else.

I can't tell if she means this in the "Jacob will always be a creepy rear end in a top hat about our relationship" sense or the "My engagement means I can't have close male friends" sense.

quote:

I walked slowly back to the little clearing, my feet dragging. When I broke into the open space, blinking against the sharp light, I threw one quick glance toward Seth—he hadn’t moved from his bed of pine needles—and then looked away, avoiding his eyes.

I could feel that my hair was wild, twisted into clumps like Medusa’s snakes. I yanked through it with my fingers, and then gave up quickly. Who cared what I looked like, anyway?

I grabbed the canteen hanging beside the tent door and shook it. It sloshed wetly, so I unscrewed the lid and took a swig to rinse my mouth with the ice water. There was food somewhere nearby, but I didn’t feel hungry enough to look for it. I started pacing across the bright little space, feeling Seth’s eyes on me the whole time. Because I wouldn’t look at him, in my head he became the boy again, rather than the gigantic wolf. So much like a younger Jacob.

I wanted to ask Seth to bark or give some other sign if Jacob was coming back, but I stopped myself. It didn’t matter if Jacob came back. It might be easier if he didn’t. I wished I had some way to call Edward.

Seth whined at that moment, and got to his feet.

“What is it?” I asked him stupidly.

He ignored me, trotting to the edge of the trees, and pointing his nose toward the west. He began whimpering.

“Is it the others, Seth?” I demanded. “In the clearing?”

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eqIKeNUneZc

quote:

He looked at me and yelped softly once, and then turned his nose alertly back to the west. His ears laid back and he whined again.

Why was I such a fool? What was I thinking, sending Edward away? How was I supposed to know what was going on? I didn’t speak wolf.

A cold trickle of fear began to ooze down my spine. What if the time had run out? What if Jacob and Edward got too close? What if Edward decided to join in the fight?

The icy fear pooled in my stomach. What if Seth’s distress had nothing to do with the clearing, and his yelp had been a denial? What if Jacob and Edward were fighting with each other, far away somewhere in the forest? They wouldn’t do that, would they?

With sudden, chilling certainty I realized that they would—if the wrong words were said. I thought of the tense standoff in the tent this morning, and I wondered if I’d underestimated how close it had come to a fight. It would be no more than I deserved if I somehow lost them both.

The ice locked around my heart.

You could seriously make Bella a quadriplegic and she would be no more useless as a protagonist than she is now.

quote:

Before I could collapse with fear, Seth grumbled slightly, deep in his chest, and then turned away from his watch and sauntered back toward his resting place. It calmed me, but irritated me. Couldn’t he scratch a message in the dirt or something?

The pacing was starting to make me sweat under all my layers. I threw my jacket into the tent, and then I went back to wearing a path across the center of the tiny break in the trees.

Seth jumped to his feet again suddenly, the hackles on the back of his neck standing up stiffly. I looked around, but saw nothing. If Seth didn’t cut it out, I was going to throw a pinecone at him.

He growled, a low warning sound, slinking back toward the western rim, and I rethought my impatience.

“It’s just us, Seth,” Jacob called from a distance.

I tried to explain to myself why my heart kicked into fourth gear when I heard him. It was just fear of what I was going to have to do now, that was all. I could not allow myself to be relieved that he’d come back. That would be the opposite of helpful.

Smash a branch over his head to psyche yourself up and assert your dominance.

quote:

Edward walked into view first, his face blank and smooth. When he stepped out from the shadows, the sun shimmered on his skin like it did on the snow. Seth went to greet him, looking intently into his eyes. Edward nodded slowly, and worry creased his forehead.

“Yes, that’s all we need,” he muttered to himself before addressing the big wolf. “I suppose we shouldn’t be surprised. But the timing is going to be very close. Please have Sam ask Alice to try to nail the schedule down better.”

Seth dipped his head once, and I wished I was able to growl. Sure, he could nod now. I turned my head, annoyed, and realized that Jacob was there.

He had his back to me, facing the way he’d come. I waited warily for him to turn around.

“Bella,” Edward murmured, suddenly right beside me. He stared down at me with nothing but concern showing in his eyes. There was no end to his generosity. I deserved him now less than I ever had.

This repetitive poo poo is why I need a break from this series. It's like she copy-pasted.

quote:

“There’s a bit of a complication,” he told me, his voice carefully unworried. “I’m going to take Seth a little ways away and try to straighten it out. I won’t go far, but I won’t listen, either. I know you don’t want an audience, no matter which way you decide to go.”

Only at the very end did the pain break into his voice.

Wait, does he think Bella is just going to dump him right now?

quote:

I had to never hurt him again. That would be my mission in life. Never again would I be the reason for this look to come into his eyes.

I was too upset to even ask him what the new problem was. I didn’t need anything else right now.

“Hurry back,” I whispered.

He kissed me lightly on the lips, and then disappeared into the forest with Seth at his side.

Jacob was still in the shadow of the trees; I couldn’t see his expression clearly.

“I’m in a hurry, Bella,” he said in a dull voice. “Why don’t you get it over with?”

I swallowed, my throat suddenly so dry I wasn’t sure if I could make sound come out.

“Just say the words, and be done with it.”

I took a deep breath.

“I’m sorry I’m such a rotten person,” I whispered. “I’m sorry I’ve been so selfish. I wish I’d never met you, so I couldn’t hurt you the way I have. I won’t do it anymore, I promise. I’ll stay far away from you. I’ll move out of the state. You won’t have to look at me ever again.”

“That’s not much of an apology,” he said bitterly.

Yeah that was a pretty terrible apology and didn't address any of their actual problems.

quote:

I couldn’t make my voice louder than a whisper. “Tell me how to do it right.”

“What if I don’t want you to go away? What if I’d rather you stayed, selfish or not? Don’t I get any say, if you’re trying to make things up to me?”

“That won’t help anything, Jake. It was wrong to stay with you when we wanted such different things. It’s not going to get better. I’ll just keep hurting you. I don’t want to hurt you anymore. I hate it.” My voice broke.

This is just a book about hosed up people being hosed up at each other while the author pretends it's a story of true love and friendship.

quote:

He sighed. “Stop. You don’t have to say anything else. I understand.”

I wanted to tell him how much I would miss him, but I bit my tongue. That would not help anything, either.

He stood quietly for a moment, staring at the ground, and I fought against the urge to go and put my arms around him. To comfort him.

And then his head snapped up. “Well, you’re not the only one capable of self-sacrifice,” he said, his voice stronger. “Two can play at that game.”

“What?”

“I’ve behaved pretty badly myself. I’ve made this much harder for you than I needed to. I could have given up with good grace in the beginning. But I hurt you, too.”

“This is my fault.”

“I won’t let you claim all the blame here, Bella. Or all the glory either. I know how to redeem myself.”

“What are you talking about?” I demanded. The sudden, frenzied light in his eyes frightened me.

He glanced up at the sun and then smiled at me. “There’s a pretty serious fight brewing down there. I don’t think it will be that difficult to take myself out of the picture.”

Oh for gently caress's sake.

quote:

His words sank into my brain, slowly, one by one, and I couldn’t breathe. Despite all my intentions to cut Jacob out of my life completely, I didn’t realize until that precise second exactly how deep the knife would have to go to do it.

“Oh, no, Jake! No, no no no,” I choked out in horror. “No, Jake, no. Please, no.” My knees began to tremble.

“What’s the difference, Bella? This will only make it more convenient for everyone. You won’t even have to move.”

“No!” My voice got louder. “No, Jacob! I won’t let you!”

“How will you stop me?” he taunted lightly, smiling to take the sting out of his tone.

Since when was Jacob loving suicidal over not getting to date Bella? What the hell?

quote:

“Jacob, I’m begging you. Stay with me.” I would have fallen to my knees, if I could have moved at all.

“For fifteen minutes while I miss a good brawl? So that you can run away from me as soon as you think I’m safe again? You’ve got to be kidding.”

“I won’t run away. I’ve changed my mind. We’ll work something out, Jacob. There’s always a compromise. Don’t go!”

“You’re lying.”

I don't think I've ever had a book make me care less about it.

quote:

“I’m not. You know what a terrible liar I am. Look in my eyes. I’ll stay if you do.”

His face hardened. “And I can be your best man at the wedding?”

It was a moment before I could speak, and still the only answer I could give him was, “Please.”

“That’s what I thought,” he said, his face going calm again, but for the turbulent light in his eyes.

Yeah, in case you thought he had any motivations except his crush on Bella, he doesn't. Is this really what passes for drama for people?

quote:

“I love you, Bella,” he murmured.

“I love you, Jacob,” I whispered brokenly.

He smiled. “I know that better than you do.”

He turned to walk away.

“Anything,” I called after him in a strangled voice. “Anything you want, Jacob. Just don’t do this!”

He paused, turning slowly. “I don’t really think you mean that.”

“Stay,” I begged. He shook his head.

“No, I’m going.” He paused, as if deciding something. “But I could leave it to fate.”

“What do you mean?” I choked out.

“I don’t have to do anything deliberate—I could just do my best for my pack and let what happens happen.” He shrugged. “If you could convince me you really did want me to come back—more than you wanted to do the selfless thing.”

If Stephenie Meyer got so offended at being told that Jacob comes off as manipulative, maybe she shouldn't have written him behaving in a way that can only come off as manipulative or absolutely insane.

quote:

“How?” I asked.

“You could ask me,” he suggested.

“Come back,” I whispered. How could he doubt that I meant it?

He shook his head, smiling again. “That’s not what I’m talking about.”

It took me a second to grasp what he was saying, and all the while he was looking at me with this superior expression—so sure of my reaction. As soon as the realization hit, though, I blurted out the words without stopping to count the cost.

“Will you kiss me, Jacob?”

His eyes widened in surprise, then narrowed suspiciously. “You’re bluffing.”

“Kiss me, Jacob. Kiss me, and then come back.”

Are you loving kidding me?

quote:

He hesitated in the shadow, warring with himself. He half-turned again to the west, his torso twisting away from me while his feet stayed planted where they were. Still looking away, he took one uncertain step in my direction, and then another. He swung his face around to look at me, his eyes doubtful.

I stared back. I had no idea what expression was on my face.

Jacob rocked back on his heels, and then lurched forward, closing the distance between us in three long strides.

I knew he would take advantage of the situation. I expected it. I held very still—my eyes closed, my fingers curled into fists at my sides—as his hands caught my face and his lips found mine with an eagerness that was not far from violence.

Okay now this book is getting really nasty and uncomfortable. If I wasn't trying to hate-read it for this thread, I probably would have thrown it out right now. What the hell is this? Is this a loving rape scene?

quote:

I could feel his anger as his mouth discovered my passive resistance. One hand moved to the nape of my neck, twisting into a fist around the roots of my hair. The other hand grabbed roughly at my shoulder, shaking me, then dragging me to him. His hand continued down my arm, finding my wrist and pulling my arm up around his neck. I left it there, my hand still tightly balled up, unsure how far I could go in my desperation to keep him alive. All the while his lips, disconcertingly soft and warm, tried to force a response out of mine.

As soon as he was sure I wouldn’t drop my arm, he freed my wrist, his hand feeling its way down to my waist. His burning hand found the skin at the small of my back, and he yanked me forward, bowing my body against his.

His lips gave up on mine for a moment, but I knew he was nowhere close to finished. His mouth followed the line of my jaw, and then explored the length of my neck. He freed my hair, reaching for my other arm to draw it around his neck like the first.

Then both of his arms were constricted around my waist, and his lips found my ear.

“You can do better than this, Bella,” he whispered huskily. “You’re overthinking it.”

I shivered as I felt his teeth graze my earlobe.

“That’s right,” he murmured. “For once, just let yourself feel what you feel.”

Okay this is a straight up loving rape scene in Twilight.

quote:

I shook my head mechanically until one of his hands wound back into my hair and stopped me.

His voice turned acidic. “Are you sure you want me to come back? Or did you really want me to die?”

Anger rocked through me like the whiplash after a heavy punch. That was too much—he wasn’t fighting fair.

My arms were already around his neck, so I grabbed two fistfuls of his hair—ignoring the stabbing pain in my right hand—and fought back, struggling to pull my face away from his.

And Jacob misunderstood.

He was too strong to recognize that my hands, trying to yank his hair out by the roots, meant to cause him pain. Instead of anger, he imagined passion. He thought I was finally responding to him.

With a wild gasp, he brought his mouth back to mine, his fingers clutching frantically against the skin at my waist.

I thought this poo poo was bad when Jacob did his kiss the first time. I did not expect this.

I don't have words for how mad this book has made me now, or how mad the fandom has made me. Honestly if you want to bail out now, go ahead. I came in expecting just to read a dumb book about sparkly vampires and shirtless werewolves and maybe figure out what gave this series appeal to its demographic. What we got is a mentally ill protagonist with a danger fetish, her serial killing vampire husband who gets his family of weirdos to control her, and her best friend engaging in a PG Mormon rape scene because he's suicidal over not getting a date. This is a hosed up mess of a book and we are all worse off for reading it.

quote:

The jolt of anger unbalanced my tenuous hold on self-control; his unexpected, ecstatic response overthrew it entirely. If there had been only triumph, I might have been able to resist him. But the utter defenselessness of his sudden joy cracked my determination, disabled it. My brain disconnected from my body, and I was kissing him back. Against all reason, my lips were moving with his in strange, confusing ways they’d never moved before—because I didn’t have to be careful with Jacob, and he certainly wasn’t being careful with me.

My fingers tightened in his hair, but I was pulling him closer now.

He was everywhere. The piercing sunlight turned my eyelids red, and the color fit, matched the heat. The heat was everywhere. I couldn’t see or hear or feel anything that wasn’t Jacob. The tiny piece of my brain that retained sanity screamed questions at me.

Why wasn’t I stopping this? Worse than that, why couldn’t I find in myself even the desire to want to stop? What did it mean that I didn’t want him to stop? That my hands clung to his shoulders, and liked that they were wide and strong? That his hands pulled me too tight against his body, and yet it was not tight enough for me?

The questions were stupid, because I knew the answer: I’d been lying to myself.

WHAT THE gently caress?

quote:

Jacob was right. He’d been right all along. He was more than just my friend. That’s why it was so impossible to tell him goodbye—because I was in love with him. Too. I loved him, much more than I should, and yet, still nowhere near enough. I was in love with him, but it was not enough to change anything; it was only enough to hurt us both more. To hurt him worse than I ever had.

I didn’t care about more than that—than his pain. I more than deserved whatever pain this caused me. I hoped it was bad. I hoped I would really suffer.

In this moment, it felt as though we were the same person. His pain had always been and would always be my pain—now his joy was my joy. I felt joy, too, and yet his happiness was somehow also pain. Almost tangible—it burned against my skin like acid, a slow torture.

For one brief, never-ending second, an entirely different path expanded behind the lids of my tear-wet eyes. As if I were looking through the filter of Jacob’s thoughts, I could see exactly what I was going to give up, exactly what this new self-knowledge would not save me from losing. I could see Charlie and Renée mixed into a strange collage with Billy and Sam and La Push. I could see years passing, and meaning something as they passed, changing me. I could see the enormous red-brown wolf that I loved, always standing as protector if I needed him. For the tiniest fragment of that second, I saw the bobbing heads of two small, black-haired children, running away from me into the familiar forest. When they disappeared, they took the rest of the vision with them.

And then, quite distinctly, I felt the splintering along the fissure line in my heart as the smaller part wrenched itself away from the whole.

No, gently caress this! gently caress you!

I knew that Bella was going to kiss Jacob, but I thought it was some impulse thing on her part! This is bullshit! You don't have your "third part of the love triangle" molest, assault, and intimidate the girl, threaten suicide, and then manipulate her into kissing him. Having the girl then suddenly declare that she's been in love with him the whole time during your loving rape-for-tweens analogue is crossing a line I didn't even see before it got crossed.

I am seriously apologizing to anyone who had to get exposed to this.

quote:

Jacob’s lips were still before mine were. I opened my eyes and he was staring at me with wonder and elation.

“I have to leave,” he whispered.

“No.”

He smiled, pleased by my response. “I won’t be long,” he promised. “But one thing first…”

He bent to kiss me again, and there was no reason to resist. What would be the point?

gently caress off, Stephenie Meyer.

quote:

This time was different. His hands were soft on my face and his warm lips were gentle, unexpectedly hesitant. It was brief, and very, very sweet.

His arms curled around me, and he hugged me securely while he whispered in my ear.

“That should have been our first kiss. Better late than never.”

Against his chest, where he couldn’t see, the tears welled up and spilled over.
* # ? Feb 13, 2020 16:55
  • Quote
PetraCore
Jul 20, 2017

👁️🔥👁️👁️👁️BE NOT👄AFRAID👁️👁️👁️🔥👁️

 I... didn't realize how horrible that scene was when I first read as a young teen. I'm feeling a bit sick.

* # ? Feb 13, 2020 18:23
  • Quote
chitoryu12
Apr 24, 2014
I seriously almost closed the thread right here.

* # ? Feb 13, 2020 18:39
  • Quote
MrNemo
Aug 26, 2010

"I just love beeting off"

 I got to the point where Jacob asked her to kiss him and just loving skipped to the end. That was horrific in a John Ringo sense.

* # ? Feb 13, 2020 22:47
  • Quote
ComicsandSlushies
Feb 22, 2013
 Holy poo poo

Now I'm really glad the first book bored me so much I never read the rest, I cant imagine what my reaction would have been if I read this poo poo in middle school

* # ? Feb 14, 2020 00:01
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Midjack
Dec 24, 2007



 :whitewater: :allbuttons: :d2a:
:dehumanize::pwn::pwn::pwn:

* # ? Feb 14, 2020 03:08
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Midjack
Dec 24, 2007



 what

* # ? Feb 14, 2020 03:08
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Midjack
Dec 24, 2007



 the

* # ? Feb 14, 2020 03:09
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Adbot
ADBOT LOVES YOU

# ? May 24, 2024 15:18
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Midjack
Dec 24, 2007



 gently caress

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