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Sarsapariller posted:
Seriously, this one made me actually laugh out loud. A nice break from the disturbing murder-y submissions.
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Feb 14, 2020 23:26
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Quavers posted:https://robertsspaceindustries.com/comm-link/transmission/17449-CitizenCon-2950-Save-The-Date I’m actually surprised that they are doing another whole big con this year, considering the diminishing attendance and struggling to have anything to show. Last year was such a stilted and muted affair, Sandi didn’t even show up or was mentioned, and Chris was visibly nervous and desperate to downplay expectations; while also speaking with a sort of wistful finality. Plus they’ve been on a 2 year long retreat from any publicity. I really thought that this year they’d just do a big live stream and call it a “digital convention” or some poo poo. But I guess the bump in JPEG sales that they get in the following week is still worth the investment of time and money. colonelwest fucked around with this message at 23:33 on Feb 14, 2020 |
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Feb 14, 2020 23:28
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Join us on October 10th, 2020 at the Los Angeles Convention Center
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Quavers posted:
I’m glad somebody took this much trouble. It says a great deal, whether backers want to learn it or not. Also... This blast from the past is way overdue for an update but...  I don’t care what CIG reports about revenues. This game was still seen as white hot shite back in 2016. It was a laughingstock by the end of 2017 and proved it at PC Gaming Show by 2018. Waning interest, tainted brand, hapless leadership, dismal prospects. Even Chris doesn’t believe in it anymore. CIG’s trickle of video content in the recent past seems as much about not further embarrassing themselves as much else. Chris just wants a graceful exit. Which is a lot harder now that he’s under the gun by Calder to ship his movie game and merit his enterprise valuation. If we’re lucky we’ll get the minimum viable Squadron next year — it’ll get critically destroyed and the subsequent chapter of this story will be mercifully short and hugely funny. Even if that happens Chris and Sandi get to walk away winners and free from worry, at least until Chris burns through his portion of the winnings on riotous living and foolish speculations.  quote:“ Wasnt 2017 the year we all sat waiting for 3.0 which was delayed by like a whole year whilst they churned out tons of content based on systems that they still haven't gotten around to working on? ^^^ this guy gets it. G0RF fucked around with this message at 23:42 on Feb 14, 2020 |
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Feb 14, 2020 23:29
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Golli posted:Wtf is “the Gibbening”? The backers are currently obsessed with the impending release of the Carrack and are meming with thread titles like "༼ つ ◕_◕ ༽つ GIB CARRACK! ༼ つ ◕_◕ ༽つ" colonelwest posted:I’m actually surprised that they are doing another whole big con this year, considering the diminishing attendance and struggling to have anything to show. Last year was such a stilted and muted affair, Sandi didn’t even show up or was mentioned, and Chris was visibly nervous and desperate to downplay expectations; while also speaking with a sort of wistful finality. Plus they’ve been on a 2 year long retreat from any publicity. They're probably careful to make sure the tickets they sell cover their costs, and they always sell ships that they reveal + put live in the store during the show.
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Feb 15, 2020 00:00
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The SQ42 backlog is prompting all kinds of musings. Is it Crytek? Mocap blockers? Skylab? "[img posted:https://i.imgur.com/YBfy4FX.png][/img]"]Reminds me of Skylab. It was an unmanned flight NASA sent up on a data gathering mission in '73. They didn't yet know how they were going to get it back, but they thought in the 8 years it was up there, they'd figure it out. Well, they didn't and it came crashing down. I don't know what's going on over there at CIG, but I'm hoping that they weren't too ambitious, and that they are going to figure this all out.
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Feb 15, 2020 00:02
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Pixelate posted:The SQ42 backlog is prompting all kinds of musings. Is it Crytek? Mocap blockers? Is this for real? Skylab was never intended to come back. It was a left over from the Apollo project intended for use as an orbiting station to test out various life support, science, docking procedures. They were never going to "figure out" how to bring it back.
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Feb 15, 2020 00:31
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Beluga Snail posted:OR...I could get a last minute Saturday badge and actually just go to PAX East. Having seen Acquisitions Inc. live 3 times I can recommend it. Unless it's gotten crappy in the interim I guess. There's just really good interplay between the players and their DM so chances are good that it will be hilarious.
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Feb 15, 2020 00:33
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PTU 3.8.2 NOTE: The Carrack is not yet ready for testing. The primary purpose of this patch is to test long term persistence, which represents a significant change to gameplay. 
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Feb 15, 2020 00:46
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Feb 15, 2020 00:51
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monkeytek posted:Is this for real? Skylab was never intended to come back. It was a left over from the Apollo project intended for use as an orbiting station to test out various life support, science, docking procedures. They were never going to "figure out" how to bring it back. Yeah it was a manned space station that used left over components from the Apollo program. NASA ran it for 2 years, but it was abandoned and left in a mothball state as resources we’re put into the space shuttle program. It’s orbit slowly decayed, but NASA planed to man it again in the late 70’s, using the space shuttle to boost its orbit. However the shuttle wasn’t ready in time, so it burned up in the atmosphere in 1979. So nothing in that citizen’s anecdote is at all accurate, other than something called Skylab was launched and crashed back to Earth. But in his defense, the real world space programs are boring, accomplished little and lack fidelity compared to Chris’ simulation of life in space that we will all live in someday. colonelwest fucked around with this message at 01:00 on Feb 15, 2020 |
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Feb 15, 2020 00:55
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I am honestly surprised they aren't neck deep in auditors in at least one country they operate from. If you look at their nice web of companies, it's like a money laundering machine. Looking forward to any post-mortem that explains exactly what they've been doing with all these companies, shell companies, etc.
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Feb 15, 2020 01:03
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colonelwest posted:So nothing in that citizen’s anecdote is at all accurate, other than something called Skylab was launched and crashed back to Earth. But in his defense, the real world space programs are boring, accomplished little and lack fidelity compared to Chris’ simulation of life in space that we will all live in someday. This might actually be true and not sarcasm. The part about real space programs being more boring than CI!G's pile o' mess, I mean.
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Feb 15, 2020 01:13
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shrach posted:I had this and noticed that Privacy Badger was blocking RSI as a potential tracker. Why would RSI track us when they can't even keep track of their own development?
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Feb 15, 2020 01:15
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they are obviously abusing tax shelters and tax rebates for game companies the UK has one of the biggest funds, the US state-to-state gives tons of tax breaks and incentives as well germany just got into the mix but they have some serious oversight thanks to the giant "cum-ex" scandal
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Feb 15, 2020 01:15
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colonelwest posted:I’m actually surprised that they are doing another whole big con this year, considering the diminishing attendance and struggling to have anything to show. Last year was such a stilted and muted affair, Sandi didn’t even show up or was mentioned, and Chris was visibly nervous and desperate to downplay expectations; while also speaking with a sort of wistful finality. Plus they’ve been on a 2 year long retreat from any publicity. Too late for an Epic Store exclusivity Payday bar citizen. Not too late for a Next Gen console exclusivity jackpot brought to you by Xbox variable name. In the Ortwinning biz they call that a Payday loan-ish auto reflexive signing bonus. But don't tell the backers just quite yet. No ... Hype train this pig until late summer 2020, leak celeb appearances, still plenty of time to shill all tickets via a variety of wacky marketing initiatives. Likely even room to expand seating if necessary, given the venue. 10/10/20 - Announce SQ54 for next gen con with personal Old Man Colon autograph event (mo' $$$ per), coming SoonTM H1 2021. Pre-order NOW! Collect the money then, push game delivery out to holiday 2021, and no one ever again mentions the name of that other computer nerd game. If they complain, bust off Groupons for 3 free months MS Gamepass. If they don't finish it before that, well I guess they didn't really want to play it anyhow. #dontgiveciganymoremoney
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Feb 15, 2020 01:40
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jesus christ you post so bad
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Feb 15, 2020 02:13
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"hype train this pig" is basically charolettes web or babe and it made me lol
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Feb 15, 2020 02:22
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that'll do, cig
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Feb 15, 2020 02:27
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TheAgent posted:"hype train this pig" is basically charolettes web or babe and it made me lol 
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Feb 15, 2020 02:43
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Kellanved posted:I am honestly surprised they aren't neck deep in auditors... ... that we know about.
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Feb 15, 2020 02:53
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parp, parp
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Feb 15, 2020 04:47
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admit it Beet, you are ClownWagon
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Feb 15, 2020 04:49
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https://i.imgur.com/M2Krj74.gifv
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Feb 15, 2020 04:58
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trucutru posted:This is why ship/gun/mech/animal/famous sculptors waifu games are getting more popular. Sure, all mechawaifus are pretty much the same, gameplay-wise. But this one has big tits, that other one has even bigger tits (and insults you, idiot!), that other is a hundred years old but looks twelve and so on. I'll let you know there's a big gameplay difference between my Shimakaze, Imuya and Kirishima, thank you very much! 
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Feb 15, 2020 06:23
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Beet Wagon posted:jesus christ you post so bad jesus post you christ so bad
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Feb 15, 2020 07:10
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Agony Aunt posted:jesus post you christ so bad "As when a man goes into the forest with his friend to cut wood, and his hand swings the axe to cut down the tree, and the iron head slips off the handle and strikes his friend so that he dies--he may flee to one of these cities and live." Word.
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Feb 15, 2020 07:53
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this page started so well
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Feb 15, 2020 08:17
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Welcome to the
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This page lacks spine.
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Feb 15, 2020 08:49
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Sanya Juutilainen posted:I'll let you know there's a big gameplay difference between my Shimakaze, Imuya and Kirishima, thank you very much! Yeah right, as if Kancolle has any gameplay. This little happy duder must have just downloaded the latest PTU!
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Feb 15, 2020 09:04
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"Ok , we have the Carrack. Now what?" Oh , man, I can't help but think that we would've been exploring the galaxy by now. Also, no gameplay. Ummmm...........
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Feb 15, 2020 09:14
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I propose we get this page back on track. *Rustling Noise* In the last 500 years, the Fourth Stimpire has dominated four systems, which it has united into one starzone, Stimsis. The Fourth Stimpire has origins from the Ten Empire War in which 10 of the United Stimpires revolted against each rules. All empires except for the fourth swore freedom upon their citizens. There is no free speech in the Fourth Stimpire, and all self-controlled transportation has been made illegal without undergoing painful medical verification methods, in which arteries are severed without pain resistant, operated entirely by machines. The way they work claim to be the most hygenic and healthy way possible, but these machines often rub against pain points, causing great deals of pain to patients. The heart is then extracted from the body and placed into a glass grinding machine. Various energy centers are also dissected and replaced with dangerous transplants. After the painful, 52 hour surgical procedure, patients will then have to use a fused guidance tool, which pumps painful resistors into the body every 2 hours. The pain they have caused is so bad, the victim would freeze in a tense position. They would then collapse afterwards. Sexual stimulation in any way within the grounds of the Fourth Stimpire is strictly prohibited, and anyone detected even touching their sexual organs will be subjected to a penectomy or if the offender was a female, they would then have a razor inserted into their ovaries. They would pump a blue solution into the womb until the stitchings burst. Offenders would also be forced to show their operated areas in public, and they would always harass and punch them to a pulp, against their will. Otherwise, offenders would be tazed with the worst type of electricity in the systematic district, causing so much pain, the victim would scream and flail in madness. The pain would also triple every second, but no death would be incurred. This is also used in combat against enemy units, which is why all UEE forces must wear the upgraded suit to block this effect. However, enertainment is also questionable in UEE grounds. Sporting events end with the losing team being rounded into a grinder and shredded on live television, boxing matches end with the loser having their hands removed without anasthesia, flight races would end with the losers having their arms and legs removed, then being injected with insanity, for entertainment. People are also forced into these events, by undergoing a painful 127 hour procedure which involves tweaking the muscles so they will not listen to brain commands, and then having a painful drug injected which also causes madness if the player is not sporting. This is all for entertainment, and anyone not watching any of it during sporting times and cheering for the winning team, they will be imprisoned into galactic camps. Snuff films are also broadcast, and actors are actually murdered just for entertainment. Stealth droids also guide these forced actors into behaving exactly as the director dreams, otherwise they will be punished by being placed into a macerator and having their execution written into the film. Any film that does not feature someone being murdered will be burned and the entire crew behind it will be executed in the most grotesque way possible - vivisection. All executions are broadcast, and anyone who misses even a millisecond, even by blinking, will be executed. All citizens must boo to the person being executed, and the family is gathered to be injected with eternators, which cause pain forever, making them immoral but feeling the pain tenfold every millisecond. They cannot pass out, but they will feel like it forever. Conquests by this Stimpire end in the planet being razed, and all the citizens being executed in the same way as their citizens are. The planet is then destroyed and all remnants of it are removed, and any memories of it will be erased instantly from civil minds. People who are also killed are also erased from memories, and all memories of them, including toys and pictures, are destroyed. Prisoners undergo 40,000 years of relentless and endless labor, and anyone not complying is sentenced to the eternator injection. All prisoners injected with eternators are placed into capsules and launched into far space, then the room is closed tight to ensure maximum insanity. Some prisoners are also subjected to the removal of blood, the lungs, the liver, the genitals, the skeleton, the muscles, the eyes, and even the injection of pressure. Prisoners sentenced to pressure chambers are locked in until they are inflated to a high level. The decompression is then stopped to make sure they are inflated and uncomfortable. Children born on the 14th of July are subjected to the removal of their skeleton and an implant of a silver liquid to replace it. The nervous sysem is also injected in various parts to ensure it is five times more sensitive than the average. Restaurants also are ordered to serve civil meat, and anyone attending must give themself up to be cooked into a grotesque meal. They are cooked alive, undergoing extreme pain, and are then subjected to industrial grinders and blenders. The Stimpire orders at least 1 million citizens to be dispatched every day, as they are afraid the population may overthrow them. But only one planet is cared for, and the rest are banned from eating, drinking, talking, using technology, touching anyone, wearing unauthorized clothes, touching buildings, or walking a centimeter out of designated routes. Civil enforcers are on every planet, and they are engineered so that they are 40 times larger than the 300 quadrillion population. At least 7 billion die every 12 hours under this rule. Thoughts are also surveyed, and anyone who does not think anything to loving the Stimpire with more than their capabilities will be sentenced to a prison. Prisoners who are punished for this violation will meet their greatest fear, only to have it amplified so they will turn insane as they imagine it exactly as they fear it. They then undergo a painful extraction of all fluids, to be replaced by a toxin which causes permanent irritation. The unknown substance keeps the subject aging normally, except they will never die. Prisoners punished in this way are unable to be reverted, despite many efforts, and they will never be able to be disposed. The sickening truths have been revealed only today, and invigilation teams are still investigating the truths without setting foot in the galactic space of this sickening empire.
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Feb 15, 2020 09:23
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trucutru posted:Yeah right, as if Kancolle has any gameplay. Why, oh why do you crush my dreams so? (It's true)
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Feb 15, 2020 09:23
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Okay so I've finally read the stimpire.txt Pretty hot tbf
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Feb 15, 2020 09:32
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Not even baby platypus save this cursed page Cause they're as unsettling as they are cute
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Feb 15, 2020 09:35
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it's like if homer simpson was a tardigrade
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Feb 15, 2020 09:44
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That's so fidelitous. CIG making dreams real.
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Feb 15, 2020 10:24
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Feb 15, 2020 10:30
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Chris is asleep post
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Feb 15, 2020 10:34
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My friends, space will very shortly be saved. Kull Wahad, https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8vdZdHbcroU
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Feb 15, 2020 10:41
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As is tradition, every page following Stimpie Page is just a slow slide into madness.
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Feb 15, 2020 10:44
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