(Thread IKs:
Josherino)
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Chokes McGee posted:Heard "common people" (pulp) today for the first time and it punched me right in the heart over this election and I kind of broke down a little on the one hand that song gets me because pretty much the only relationship that worked for any stretch of time i was pretty much the woman in that song* otoh i had a rough day even before the news but im listening to the dead kennedys and actually finishing my takehome test so somehow im actually feeling better https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=s9wo5uqHAHc *allegedly yanis varoufakis' wife
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Mar 4, 2020 03:56
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Strep Vote posted:Child abuse is rampant as gently caress in our society and yet we all feel completely alone in it. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=m39DWVFK-Bw
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Mar 4, 2020 04:55
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got any sevens posted:it sounds like you're trying to convince yourself you shouldnt even try to get better because it will be hard I wish it were alcohol. I managed to quit that with very little fuss. I didn't even think about drinking last weekend. No speed is nothing like, even resembling happiness. I just stare at my steam list and playstation and don't play anything. I just leave the loving screen on youtube, I don't even want to goddamn press play on things. There's no answer to this. I just have to loving sit and stare at the loving junk in my closet and not use any of it despite the fact that there's literally nothing to look forward to. There's a vague stupid future that would be hard to get to with medical help, and I don't have that. I don't have any friends, I don't have any family anywhere nearby, and I have no reason to get better other than to be able to keep doing my job and not end up homeless. I don't want to be sober. How do you want that? I want to feel a sense of goddamn anything that isn't constant bad. Being sober is the last thing in the world i WANT to do, I want to feel like there's any reason to smile or go outside or do anything other than work to kill time, even if it's a goddamn chemical lie. But I don't get to, and the only person I get to count on for any reason to do it is some jackass useless junkie got any sevens posted:groups are supposed to be messy. when i had to do counseling after my dui, my teacher told me people would yell and cry in his serious group, because thats what it takes to break through to the real emotional source of your addiction I mean, okay, I get this, but I just can't see it. I know you're saying I'm self sabotaging because it's hard, I get it, I really do. I have a pretty good handle on what my personality disorder does to me and what my major chemical malfunctions are. But if I'm in a goddamn group scenario with strangers I'm going to lie to them to get them to talk to anybody else as fast as possible. I have some hope I could manage with an actual therapist, even if I haven't been to one since 2001 because at least that's a person I can explain things to and trust because it's their job. But then again, that's probably a lie too, I ran away from that last therapist as soon as she started talking about personality disorders and left to get a glass of water I haven't been messy about myself in front of strangers since before puberty. I literally don't know how. It might be some sort of grand breakthrough if I managed it? I don't know. I know you're just trying to help I do, but when the problem is no motivation and no hope and all you'll get out of it is expensive discomfort the idea of 'oh just do this thing that other people do all the time it's easy' is just crushing
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Mar 4, 2020 06:07
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Woke up today to just another feeling that the world is doomed (guess why). All my concerns about politics and the environment are brushed away by my aging parents who go "Everything always keeps getting better and better" and they cannot be swayed by anything I say. I am trying to convince myself that there is value in trying your best even if failure is certain but it's so loving hard. My coworkers talk about buying houses and having children and I just want to scream "This country could be UNDERWATER in 20 years! The EU might be gone and you all kicked out! The gently caress are you DOING?" I hear all this talk about disengaging from politics for my own sanity (which sort of makes sense since I can't even vote in this country) but best case scenario I will get better, get the relationship, the kids, the house and witness it all burning down. I really hope this therapist works. All my previous ones dismissed my concerns as well. At least acknowledge that I have valid concerns, just amplified. Not this end of history bullshit. I just want someone who understands.
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Mar 4, 2020 08:03
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Feeling deflated, but not quite depressed or anxious. I know that even if Bernie loses the country has been pushed so much further left than it was and M4A is permanently inside the overton window. Fast forward 4-6 years and people's health insurance is still loving them beyond belief. Capitalism itself does better marketing for M4A than any commercial Bernie could run. I'm going to let myself feel down tomorrow and not push it away, not to try and hurt myself but to create a space to process the lovely feelings. Then I'm going to canvas. edit: oh ya and I read every post so it's never shouting into nothingness thehandtruck has issued a correction as of 08:52 on Mar 4, 2020 |
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Mar 4, 2020 08:48
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I have my second appointment with my new therapist next week, and I'm not sure if she's not a good match for me or if I'm just genuinely beyond help/unwilling to change. I fear it might be both, that the despair in my brain is just not going away without a lobotomy. The pills do just enough that I don't get panic attacks that make me unable to keep food down, but there isn't a pill that can make me want to live in the future that is forming around me. My efforts have all been dashed on rocks. I would one hundred percent check myself into a psych ward, but my greatest fear is that I'd end up kicking around there fruitlessly until I ended up lying to get out, or getting kicked out of their volition, with nothing having changed except a bill. I can't change the world, I can't change myself in relation to the world, and I can't get off this ride.
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Mar 4, 2020 12:06
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Had that weird inability to turn off your mind as it races from topic to topic issue rob me of 3 hours of sleep 
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Mar 4, 2020 12:49
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I was psyching myself up to wake up early so I'd make it to my morning class and accidentally woke up at 4am lmao
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Mar 4, 2020 12:59
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Feeling pretty bad about my future right now.
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Mar 4, 2020 14:09
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Feeling pretty bad about all our futures right now.
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Mar 4, 2020 15:04
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Line starts behind me.  The psychic backlash from this thread alone is near end-of-Watchmen levels and there's not a lot I can say right in comfort, other than we're very clearly not alone.If you've already voted in a ST state, it's ok (in my opinion) to check out for a bit. We lost a battle, war's not over, movement not a person, donate and volunteer etc. but if it affects your own health and sanity to be terminally online, you need to take a break. Speaking for myself: if I don't, it's back to the hospital within a month. I can't afford that, and I don't want to do that. I'm in Texas and voted yesterday, so I'm only hanging around the MHT in C-SPAM and disconnecting from politics altogether. After the TBM concert in mid-April, I'll tune back in and see how things are going.
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Mar 4, 2020 16:14
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Zvahl posted:I mean, okay, I get this, but I just can't see it. I know you're saying I'm self sabotaging because it's hard, I get it, I really do. I have a pretty good handle on what my personality disorder does to me and what my major chemical malfunctions are. But if I'm in a goddamn group scenario with strangers I'm going to lie to them to get them to talk to anybody else as fast as possible. I have some hope I could manage with an actual therapist, even if I haven't been to one since 2001 because at least that's a person I can explain things to and trust because it's their job. But then again, that's probably a lie too, I ran away from that last therapist as soon as she started talking about personality disorders and left to get a glass of water I have neither the training nor the knowledge to give you advice here, and I think I'd make things worse if I tried. The only thing I can offer is compassion, that you're welcome to come in here and vent all you want, and that people are reading and care. (Well, that and encouragement to try therapy again. But you probably knew that was coming anyway)
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Mar 4, 2020 16:17
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Chokes McGee posted:I have neither the training nor the knowledge to give you advice here, and I think I'd make things worse if I tried. The only thing I can offer is compassion, that you're welcome to come in here and vent all you want, and that people are reading and care. I know, I just kinda felt compelled to respond to people who are trying to care and to do so with honesty, and I'm not good with honesty so it just comes out sounding like panicked screaming. I just see $125-$150 a session and have a breakdown and everything feels bad again. Do those garbage Urgent Cares do psych meds? I'm pretty much at that desperation point.
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Mar 4, 2020 16:39
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I met with the new p-doc today. Got a new diagnosis of melancholic depression + OCD. apparently Zoloft is kind of the jalopy of treating OCD, so since it isn't cutting it for me anymore I have been switched to Trintellix. And, since I haven't experienced brain zaps before when going off of Zoloft, apparently I am unlikely to now. So I'm cautiously optimistic about the new meds. I'm worried since it's brand name but apparently Medicaid will cover it.
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Mar 4, 2020 17:06
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Zvahl posted:I know, I just kinda felt compelled to respond to people who are trying to care and to do so with honesty, and I'm not good with honesty so it just comes out sounding like panicked screaming. Check if your local community has sliding scale. There are psychologists who are willing to come down to like $40 if you don't have the means to pay the full bill. They are out there, but you have to look, which is hard to do when you're already crushed by life. It's worth it, though. Urgent Care will probably not do psyche meds unless you already have a prescription, but it's worth a shot if you have the money for a one time visit and no other options. Do you have a PCP by any chance? They can usually prescribe starting point drugs like SSRIs if you go ask, although I'm not sure how much they cost without insurance. e: I miss FAU for situations like this. He always had a way better idea of the resources out there than I do.
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Mar 4, 2020 17:54
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PsychedelicWarlord posted:I met with the new p-doc today. Got a new diagnosis of melancholic depression + OCD. apparently Zoloft is kind of the jalopy of treating OCD, so since it isn't cutting it for me anymore I have been switched to Trintellix. And, since I haven't experienced brain zaps before when going off of Zoloft, apparently I am unlikely to now. So I'm cautiously optimistic about the new meds. I'm worried since it's brand name but apparently Medicaid will cover it. I went through the exact same thing except with Rexulti. That's been a miracle combination for me and I've already dropped 2 pounds and my blood pressure went down by 10 points  Be careful with SSRI if you're bipolar, y'all, it's not loving around
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Mar 4, 2020 17:55
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also just leavin this here https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VVwBC76NwNU
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Mar 4, 2020 17:56
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Chokes McGee posted:Check if your local community has sliding scale. There are psychologists who are willing to come down to like $40 if you don't have the means to pay the full bill. They are out there, but you have to look, which is hard to do when you're already crushed by life. It's worth it, though. Nah on the PCP. The last time I went to the doctor was in 2016, and he yelled at me for not filling a different prescription and then wouldn't give me pain meds for sciatica. I mean, I guess he was right, but I don't even abuse pain meds, lol I don't mean to poo poo on your effort, it helps, everything's just been really hard lately. Thank you for all that you do.
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Mar 4, 2020 18:20
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Zvahl posted:Nah on the PCP. The last time I went to the doctor was in 2016, and he yelled at me for not filling a different prescription and then wouldn't give me pain meds for sciatica. I mean, I guess he was right, but I don't even abuse pain meds, lol No worries. Just trying anything I can do to help. If all else fails I recommend Buddhist dharma talks on YouTube. I listen to Thich Nhat Hahn (who surprisingly is not a rapper, because Thicc Nat Han would be a pretty good name) and Ajahn Brahm. I love the latter, but he tends to adapt buddhist parables into examples that are completely wrong in order to get people to understand them. (For instance, he adapts the Demon of Fear story claiming Poe wrote it in Mask of Red Death.) It's intentional to try to connect to the people in their language, but if you can deal with that, he has a lot of good to say.
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Mar 4, 2020 18:47
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if you’re feeling down about the primary please don’t despair and if you are despairing please pm or email me I will chat with you in the bathroom at work if I have to, thanks and god bless
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Mar 4, 2020 18:53
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Lightning Knight posted:if you’re feeling down about the primary please don’t despair and if you are despairing please pm or email me I will chat with you in the bathroom at work if I have to, thanks and god bless I mean it's weird to have me come all the way down to your job's restroom but it's still appreciated 
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Mar 4, 2020 19:39
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Chokes McGee posted:I mean it's weird to have me come all the way down to your job's restroom but it's still appreciated hey, some of our best posters operate financial management firms in restrooms
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Mar 4, 2020 20:07
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PsychedelicWarlord posted:hey, some of our best posters operate financial management firms in restrooms cumshitter certainly can juggle a lot of balls at once yes
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Mar 4, 2020 21:10
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Chokes McGee posted:I mean it's weird to have me come all the way down to your job's restroom but it's still appreciated 
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Mar 5, 2020 00:35
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Lightning Knight posted:if you’re feeling down about the primary please don’t despair and if you are despairing please pm or email me I will chat with you in the bathroom at work if I have to, thanks and god bless 
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Mar 5, 2020 00:43
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Does anyone have a success story about getting into a new career at around 30? I've worked contracted editing/proofreading/adminstrative positions for state government but have found it difficult to find permanent, well paying positions. I'm interested in ARCGiS stuff but I do not want to do undergrad again (sociology). It's causing a lot of depression and anxiety in my life and I feel like I wasted the early part of my life not in an established career like many of my peers. I'm about to be unemployed again next week after my contract ends and I have nothing lined up. This might be for another thread, but it's causing a lot of unnecessary mental health issues for me that I felt I'd post it here. err has issued a correction as of 02:33 on Mar 5, 2020 |
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Mar 5, 2020 02:21
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vent: i didn't have a conversation with anyone all day on tuesday except a bit of internet posting. i was trying to get a group together to work on a takehome test but nobody responded and then someone posted the test answers in a group chat and that was that. while i was trying to get the test done (i wanted to get a first pass done so i'd understand what's going on) and deal with my constant fear that no one wants to put up with me my clueless dad texted me to check up and said "oh mom and i are watching biden run the tables rn."
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Mar 5, 2020 02:39
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err posted:Does anyone have a success story about getting into a new career at around 30? I did intel work for the Navy, then got into IT consulting after leaving active duty, and now am about to finish up my MSW in May on my path to become a clinical social worker. The MSW program has a lot of people in their 30s to 50s changing their careers. You're never too old until you're dead. Good luck on whatever you feel life should take you
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Mar 5, 2020 02:53
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err posted:Does anyone have a success story about getting into a new career at around 30? community colleges are basically made for this, most of them help hook you up with government funding for free degrees
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Mar 5, 2020 03:01
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got any sevens posted:community colleges are basically made for this, most of them help hook you up with government funding for free degrees Thanks, I'll look into it. Already used the Pell Grant though. If I could just get some classes on GIS or some type of certificate, that would be a good start. Thanks thread and to the other response.
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Mar 5, 2020 04:04
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drat near every straw I clutched at in the wake of 2016 to desperately cling onto some metric of hope in my life has burned away. I'm trying to deal with it but I'm sick of having to 'cope' with things you know?
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Mar 5, 2020 04:19
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err posted:Thanks, I'll look into it. Already used the Pell Grant though. If I could just get some classes on GIS or some type of certificate, that would be a good start. i get food stamps and that also got me free classes for 2 years, and ive been taking out loans too (1k per month avg) to pay rent
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Mar 5, 2020 07:10
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Zvahl posted:I wish it were alcohol. I managed to quit that with very little fuss. I didn't even think about drinking last weekend. Hey are you in the Addiction/Recovery Discord or in the thread in TCC? There's a bunch of goons supporting one another through this sort of stuff... 
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Mar 5, 2020 07:35
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WrenP-Complete posted:Hey are you in the Addiction/Recovery Discord or in the thread in TCC? There's a bunch of goons supporting one another through this sort of stuff... Nah. I've read it, and they all seem like really nice people who are invested in their recovery. I don't even know that I want to be sober or what recovery is, and they seem very positive on 12-step. Going in there talking about how I'm scared of group therapy and deeply distrustful of how religious organizations treat gays would just be being negative and looking like I'm trying to fail. As daunting as group therapy is alone, I'm certainly not going to go to one where they expect me to say the lord's prayer before doing it. But it's helpful for them, and being critical would just be mean.
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Mar 5, 2020 16:09
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Also I made myself make a phone call just to talk to the Urgent Care people, and if anyone was curious, it's like Chokes said, they will do refills for scrips you have and are out of for psych meds, but won't prescribe them themselves. Enough effort for the day imo
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Mar 5, 2020 20:48
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err posted:Does anyone have a success story about getting into a new career at around 30? do you have any interest in pursuing a permanent editing job? my company is hiring, including remote positions. If you have an email address you're comfortable posting here, I can send you some info.
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Mar 5, 2020 21:13
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Eat This Glob posted:do you have any interest in pursuing a permanent editing job? my company is hiring, including remote positions. If you have an email address you're comfortable posting here, I can send you some info. What kind of experience is required for a position like this? I don't want to get in err's way as I have something secure right now, so they deserve first dibs. But I am curious, partly because I've always heard editing was something where you had to get a degree and then pay your dues as a peon for a while.
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Mar 5, 2020 21:25
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Unsinkabear posted:What kind of experience is required for a position like this? I have a polisci degree and this is my first editing job. I do have 8 years experience as a newspaper staff writer prior to getting hired though. While my title is "associate editor" what I do is about 20% editing and 80% hitting the internet content mines for my subject matter if you have a technical background that helps too. i absolutely do not, but a senior editor here is a former engineer
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Mar 5, 2020 21:44
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Eat This Glob posted:do you have any interest in pursuing a permanent editing job? my company is hiring, including remote positions. If you have an email address you're comfortable posting here, I can send you some info. errwow11 at gmail.com I'm interested, thanks friend.
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Mar 5, 2020 22:18
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Zvahl posted:Also I made myself make a phone call just to talk to the Urgent Care people, and if anyone was curious, it's like Chokes said, they will do refills for scrips you have and are out of for psych meds, but won't prescribe them themselves. Good job, you did a hard thing and deserve the r&r after it. As for the other stuff, I've been reading your posts and it sounds like you're going through a lot. I wish I could help more than just saying a few words but this is what I have: The place in your life where you're at right now is really challenging, your past experiences and brain have teamed up to tell you: I Can't Be Happy, I Don't Deserve To Be Happy, I Don't Have Any Power Over My Life. While the cards are certainly stacked against you, each of those statements is factually and logically incorrect. You make a little progress in getting better and your brain freaks out. It thinks some big change is coming, something new and different (sobriety, happiness, whatever). So it pulls out alllll the stops to make sure that change doesn't happen, "No I can't post in the TCC thread because it will make them sad, No I can't do this because it will hurt other people, etc." And those mechanisms your brain is using don't make you a bad or lovely person, these are 100% normal things our brains do to return to a state of familiarity, even if that familiarity/status quo is loving awful. (Does this remind you of a certain political climate?). The constant dance of taking a few steps forward and then a step backwards is incredibly draining, and you are courageous for continuing to do that dance and trying to get better even though it's immensely painful. It is proof that you do want to get better but your brain wants to stay the same. The tension between those two opposite goals is where anxiety, depression, and tiredness come from. The last thing I want to say is that not a single thing you're going through or emotion you're feeling is "wrong". Don't poo poo on yourself for not wanting to go to group therapy because you don't have the energy or whatever, it's good actually! You know your own pace, nobody else does. Do we yell at the obese guy who goes to the gym for the first time in 10 years to lose weight when he can only do 1 minute on the elliptical? gently caress NO. Even posting your problems in this thread, you're that guy at 1 minute on the elliptical! Give yourself some credit  . Anyway, I wish you the best and feel free to PM me anytime.
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Mar 5, 2020 22:19
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