Coronavirus 2020 - START MAKING VENTILATORS, NOW!!!!!!

The Something Awful Forums > Archives > Comedy Goldmine > The Goodmine > Coronavirus 2020 - START MAKING VENTILATORS, NOW!!!!!!

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Atrocious Joe: Sep 2, 2011

https://twitter.com/mer__edith/status/1237101745614053377?s=20

# ? Mar 10, 2020 13:53

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# ? Jun 3, 2024 13:36

brugroffil: Nov 30, 2015

Number went up big overnight thanks to this announcement, lol

https://twitter.com/EamonJavers/status/1237349833377275904

# ? Mar 10, 2020 13:57

Microplastics: Jul 6, 2007; It's what's for dinner.

brugroffil posted:

Number went up big overnight thanks to this announcement, lol

Is Trump trying to hoodwink Number?

# ? Mar 10, 2020 13:59

Lawman 0: Aug 17, 2010

brugroffil posted:

Number went up big overnight thanks to this announcement, lol

https://twitter.com/EamonJavers/status/1237349833377275904

Easiest trick in the book

# ? Mar 10, 2020 13:59

Tei: Feb 19, 2011; Can't post for 7 days!

brugroffil posted:

Number went up big overnight thanks to this announcement, lol

https://twitter.com/EamonJavers/status/1237349833377275904

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Bbv5B71KmkA

# ? Mar 10, 2020 14:01

brugroffil: Nov 30, 2015

JeremoudCorbynejad posted:

Is Trump trying to hoodwink Number?

How many times did we get a "sources in the admin say a China deal is close!" story that turned out to be bullshit

# ? Mar 10, 2020 14:01

PostNouveau: Sep 3, 2011; VY till I die; Grimey Drawer

brugroffil posted:

Number went up big overnight thanks to this announcement, lol

https://twitter.com/EamonJavers/status/1237349833377275904

Oh wow, the president got a preliminary agreement in principle with number.

# ? Mar 10, 2020 14:02

Submarine Sandpaper: May 27, 2007

I'd truly hope nancy wouldn't rubber stamp a loving tax cut if it does materialize but lmao

# ? Mar 10, 2020 14:04

Jamsta: Dec 16, 2006; Oh you want some too? Fuck you!

Colleagues and family are all still humouring me as if this is no big deal.

Only one guy at work understands because he actually let me deep dive the issue.

Very frustrating, I will take no pleasure in saying I told you so next week, because everyone will be a blind panic.

# ? Mar 10, 2020 14:04

CODChimera: Jan 29, 2009

brugroffil posted:

Number went up big overnight thanks to this announcement, lol

https://twitter.com/EamonJavers/status/1237349833377275904

gently caress Number

# ? Mar 10, 2020 14:06

magiccarpet: Jan 3, 2005

My office of 40 has been closed today for a deep cleaning thanks matt gaetz

# ? Mar 10, 2020 14:06

Atrocious Joe: Sep 2, 2011

My sister got some chain email from a friend. It advised people to drink plenty of water to flush the virus of your mouth and into your stomach where it will be destroyed.

Also that if you can hold your breath for ten seconds in the morning without coughing, then you don't have coronavirus.

Stupid bullshit.

# ? Mar 10, 2020 14:07

KiteAuraan: Aug 5, 2014; JER GEDDA FERDA RADDA ARA!

Yinlock posted:

even a salaryman can die of a deadly global epidemic

gently caress didn't a cold send Akagi to the hospital? He's done for.

# ? Mar 10, 2020 14:07

FAUXTON: Jun 2, 2005; spero che tu stia bene

Number is down like 300 points from what it peaked at overnight but because number is actually the mathematical derivation of the coke and booze habits of a bunch of trumshitters who live in Manhattan, that peak was like +1200 so it's still around +900, you can almost certainly expect a bigly tweet from the prez about stonks clawing their way back up to the blinding height of 15% lower than they were a month ago lol

# ? Mar 10, 2020 14:09

Crusader: Apr 11, 2002

FAUXTON posted:

Number is down like 300 points from what it peaked at overnight but because number is actually the mathematical derivation of the coke and booze habits of a bunch of trumshitters who live in Manhattan, that peak was like +1200 so it's still around +900, you can almost certainly expect a bigly tweet from the prez about stonks clawing their way back up to the blinding height of 15% lower than they were a month ago lol

fox and friends already congratulated big boy on the futures rise this morning

# ? Mar 10, 2020 14:11

FAUXTON: Jun 2, 2005; spero che tu stia bene

Crusader posted:

fox and friends already congratulated big boy on the futures rise this morning

lmfao

# ? Mar 10, 2020 14:11

The Anime Liker: Aug 8, 2009; by VideoGames

Runnin' to the store for ammo and beans.

Y'all need anything?

# ? Mar 10, 2020 14:12

CODChimera: Jan 29, 2009

how could Number possibly go up at a time like this

# ? Mar 10, 2020 14:13

Griefor: Jun 11, 2009

brugroffil posted:

Number went up big overnight thanks to this announcement, lol

https://twitter.com/EamonJavers/status/1237349833377275904

Someone do a Steamed Hams edit

# ? Mar 10, 2020 14:14

Crusader: Apr 11, 2002

CODChimera posted:

how could Number possibly go up at a time like this

seems like they think turmps nebulous stimulus will save everything

# ? Mar 10, 2020 14:14

Chris James 2: Aug 9, 2012

Number...how could you do this to me...

# ? Mar 10, 2020 14:15

Charlz Guybon: Nov 16, 2010

Maybe those reports of mass graves in Iran are true.
https://www.theatlantic.com/ideas/archive/2020/03/irans-coronavirus-problem-lot-worse-it-seems/607663/

quote:

MARCH 9, 2020

...

Remember that the official number of cases is 6,566. Yet a variety of other indicators suggest that far more people in Iran have become infected:

A paper by the University of Toronto�s Ashleigh Tuite and others noted that, by February 23, cases of Iranian origin had surfaced in Canada, Lebanon, and the United Arab Emirates. Given the volume of air travel between Iran and these countries, Tuite�s team estimated how many native COVID-19 cases must have occurred in Iran to produce one case each in these other countries. Their estimate for February 23: 18,300. Since the epidemic reached 100 cumulative cases, the official numbers have doubled roughly every three days. If that rate held, the estimate as of today would be 586,000.

On March 3, 23 out of 290 members of parliament�about 7.9 percent�had the disease. (Unlike ordinary people, these MPs probably had reliable access to diagnosis. State media insisted they contracted the disease not from one another, but from their home districts.) The rate of infection of parliamentarians would, if applied to Iran�s total population, come to 6.4 million cases.

A government website invited Iranians to submit details of symptoms they were experiencing. After 2 million responses, about 9 percent reported COVID-19 symptoms. In the United States, among those whose symptoms and history have led them to be tested for COVID-19, about 10 percent have eventually tested positive. If that rate holds, Iran would have 730,000 cases.

On March 4 and 5, two evacuation flights of Chinese citizens were allowed to leave Tehran for China�s Gansu province. Chinese authorities were of course wary of introducing more coronavirus carriers into the country, so they tested passengers and found 11 COVID-19 cases out of 311 passengers. If Chinese people in Iran got the disease at the same rate as Iranians, that suggests a rate of 3.5 percent, for a total of 5.7 million at the time of the flight. Tuite, the researcher who studied earlier flights, cautions that this number would undercount total cases, because it represents the number of cases on that plane at that time (the �point prevalence�) and not total cumulative cases�which would be higher, about 8 million. �It�s alarming, and I have a hard time wrapping my head around the implications of this,� she told me. �But I think it�s possible.�

Seven of the 21 COVID-19 patients in British Columbia had traveled recently in Iran. Finding a denominator for this number is difficult, but we can try. British Columbia has about 50,000 Iranian Canadians, and let�s assume they visit Iran, say, once every four years on average and stay for a month. That means in any given month, about 1,000 return from Iran. That suggests a total COVID-19 burden of 590,000 cases.

On March 8, health authorities in Golestan province declared that hospitals there were full. Golestan has about 2.2 percent of Iran�s population, and if we assume it has the same percentage of its hospital beds, the province should have 2,600 hospital beds. Let�s assume that at least some people with other conditions are already in those beds and that roughly 2,000 beds are now filled with COVID-19 patients. About 15 percent of COVID-19 patients need a hospital stay. That suggests that 13,000 people�or about 0.8 percent of the province�s population�have COVID-19 in Golestan. If that rate applies countrywide, it yields 610,000 infections, which suggests a cumulative total of about 1 million infections�if we include those who have already recovered. Finally, because hospitalizations are a lagging indicator, double that number to account for growth in the past week: 2 million.

The average of these estimates is about 2 million, which is about 250 times the official number and 15 times the total cases acknowledged worldwide. According to models, Tuite told me, the point-prevalence of COVID-19 in Canada could rise to 5 to 10 percent of the total population when the epidemic reaches its peak. These numbers, which I have shown to experts, suggest that Iran might be at or near that point.

Does Iran really have 2 million citizens with COVID-19? Perhaps politicians spend more time in public, and are therefore more susceptible to infection; if so, some of the estimates above would overstate the number of cases. Then again, it�s also possible that they were aware of the epidemic earlier and took precautions. In that case, those estimates would understate the number of cases. Edward Kaplan, who studies epidemics at Yale, looked at my numbers and noted that many of Iran�s politicians are old men�the average age of senior advisory council members is 70�who are therefore especially likely to show symptoms of COVID-19, leading to a higher share of sufferers in political circles than in the general population. It�s also possible�perhaps likely�that these numbers over-sample for Tehran and Qom, both cities hammered by the epidemic. COVID-19 is in every Iranian province, but some provinces are earlier in their cycle than others.

Many similar unknowns make these estimates difficult to assess�which is why experts have to attack the problem from multiple angles, with the assumption that errors in one approach do not correlate to errors in the others, and get rounded out in the average. Even if the estimates are off by a lot, they still reveal an outbreak completely out of control, beyond the capacity of Iran or perhaps any country to manage.

The messages coming out of Iran on social media, especially from health-care workers, do little to convince me that my doomsday figures are inaccurate. David N. Fisman, a colleague of Tuite�s at the University of Toronto, notes that the virus reportedly spread after panicked residents of Qom and Tehran fled to smaller cities, thereby sowing COVID-19 all over the country. Circulating on social media are reports that some provinces, such as Mazandaran, have set up roadblocks to keep more people with the infection from spilling into their territory.

The situation the doctors describe is desperate, with nurses wrapping themselves in tablecloths because they have long since run through their supply of proper gear. They swear that the official numbers are wrong. �Just stay overnight in the hospital to find out what I'm talking about,� one wrote. Or if you want to live, go home, and don�t come out until the plague passes. �[Our] society now needs fear more than hope.�

# ? Mar 10, 2020 14:15

FAUXTON: Jun 2, 2005; spero che tu stia bene

CODChimera posted:

how could Number possibly go up at a time like this

A tale of two tweets:

https://twitter.com/EamonJavers/status/1237144999550222339?s=19

But then

https://twitter.com/EamonJavers/status/1237349833377275904?s=19

number got bamboozled bigly but desperately wants to believe

# ? Mar 10, 2020 14:16

Wrex Ruckus: Aug 24, 2015

corvo

# ? Mar 10, 2020 14:18

FAUXTON: Jun 2, 2005; spero che tu stia bene

Wrex Ruckus posted:

corvo

Mazel CoV

# ? Mar 10, 2020 14:19

A Gnarlacious Bro: Apr 25, 2007; by Jeffrey of YOSPOS

Submarine Sandpaper posted:

I'd truly hope nancy wouldn't rubber stamp a loving tax cut if it does materialize but lmao

Lol

# ? Mar 10, 2020 14:20

The Anime Liker: Aug 8, 2009; by VideoGames

LOL the final plan will just be $2T handed directly to Wall Street and middle class taxes raised.

# ? Mar 10, 2020 14:21

Epic High Five: Jun 5, 2004

Nancy would rubber stamp tax cuts instantly but would refuse to bring relief for hourly workers to a vote until the language was changed to it being block grants to private equity firms to provide relief to wage workers in a market-driven manner

# ? Mar 10, 2020 14:22

VomitOnLino: Jun 13, 2005; Sometimes I get lost.

GrimGypsy posted:

Japan is doing lots; I'm here and there's plenty going on. It's just done pretty quietly and the locals aren't culturally addicted to panic as most folks on western outlets. Schools were closed for a couple weeks leading up to their usual spring break, allowing for extra time. Lots of big attractions and tourist traps closed for the same period. People are getting tested and treated at a good clip, outbreaks are as well contained as anywhere else, and a lot of effort has been made to direct people to have good practices in cleaning/handwashing/etc. They just aren't flailing their arms around and obliterating everyday life in a largely performative effort, which is strangely working out pretty well!

Hahaha...

How much does the Abe government pay for posts like that?
Can't be much because it's in English and on this dead gay forum...

# ? Mar 10, 2020 14:22

nikosoft: Dec 17, 2011; ghost in the shell, but somehow much worse; College Slice

FAUXTON posted:

A tale of two tweets:

https://twitter.com/EamonJavers/status/1237144999550222339?s=19

But then

https://twitter.com/EamonJavers/status/1237349833377275904?s=19

number got bamboozled bigly but desperately wants to believe

MANDATE PAID SICK LEAVE

ITS NOT HARD!

# ? Mar 10, 2020 14:24

CODChimera: Jan 29, 2009

FAUXTON posted:

A tale of two tweets:

https://twitter.com/EamonJavers/status/1237144999550222339?s=19

But then

https://twitter.com/EamonJavers/status/1237349833377275904?s=19

number got bamboozled bigly but desperately wants to believe

oh trump has a plan? well all of my concerns are gone

# ? Mar 10, 2020 14:25

new kind of cat: May 8, 2007

corona my balls

# ? Mar 10, 2020 14:25

nikosoft: Dec 17, 2011; ghost in the shell, but somehow much worse; College Slice

Im sorry.

I shouldn't Internet yell at a tweeted Trub quote.

# ? Mar 10, 2020 14:25

Charlz Guybon: Nov 16, 2010

nikosoft posted:

MANDATE PAID SICK LEAVE

ITS NOT HARD!

Even if Trump did that (he won't) the Supreme Court would strike it down immediately.

# ? Mar 10, 2020 14:25

FAUXTON: Jun 2, 2005; spero che tu stia bene

CODChimera posted:

oh trump has a plan? well all of my concerns are gone

plan isn't there yet

# ? Mar 10, 2020 14:28

FAUXTON: Jun 2, 2005; spero che tu stia bene

Overnight speculation number falling like a rock and lmao if it ends the day negative again

# ? Mar 10, 2020 14:28

Atrocious Joe: Sep 2, 2011

lol the White House didn't even upload their great checklist they were talking about during the press conference yesterday

https://www.cdc.gov/coronavirus/2019-ncov/index.html

# ? Mar 10, 2020 14:29

HiHo ChiRho: Oct 23, 2010

FAUXTON posted:

A tale of two tweets:

https://twitter.com/EamonJavers/status/1237144999550222339?s=19

But then

https://twitter.com/EamonJavers/status/1237349833377275904?s=19

number got bamboozled bigly but desperately wants to believe

Lol a payroll tax cut worse because that means those workers get a higher tax bill next year

# ? Mar 10, 2020 14:30

gradenko_2000: Oct 5, 2010; HELL SERPENT; Lipstick Apathy

new kind of cat posted:

corona my balls

nCoV deez nuts

# ? Mar 10, 2020 14:32

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# ? Jun 3, 2024 13:36

FAUXTON: Jun 2, 2005; spero che tu stia bene

lol they pretty much rope a doped number and number is like the dog running after the ball you only pretended to throw

# ? Mar 10, 2020 14:33

The Something Awful Forums > Archives > Comedy Goldmine > The Goodmine > Coronavirus 2020 - START MAKING VENTILATORS, NOW!!!!!!

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